ok here's a quick rundown of how I got here....
Typical dating story. Dated this 24F for a year and a half (Septum ring, 3 tats, one which says imperfection is beauty, I think you know these red flags, I didn't at the time) I'm a 28M, 6'4, 245 at the time. Things were always pretty physical (sexually) from day one. I'll save you a lot of the details because my progress and what you can learn from it is way more important.
Long story short, got lazy in the gym, with hobbies, spent too much time with girl. You know where that road leads to.
In a week it'll be 3 months since the day I caught her cheating on me. I've been in monk mode off and on in that time frame. Found TRP magically and read everything from AWALT, LIFT, PICKUP, FRAME. I was looking to make her regret it (dumb I know) but it motivated me to be disciplined to an extreme. I eat very healthy and I workout 5 times a week. I'm on a legit program (my friend is a personal trainer in L.A and put me on one) and it's has me doing the essentials (deadlifts, squats, shoulder press, bench) along with a lot of isolation workouts. I used to box in my younger years so I usually hit the bag after and run sprints. Catch a lot of women looking my way when they hear me pounding the bag :) I'm now 220lbs and starting to hit great strides. I know this, because the attention has turned up drastically. Went to my other ex's house (I have a kid with her so we'll call her bm) for 4th of July to pop fireworks with my son and her family kept saying how skinny I was and also kept offering me food. Had to tell them no about 3-4 times. Just the other day BM also randomly offered to get me some food before she came to pick up my son from. She had never done that before. She's also been a lot more friendly towards me (Go figure) I've also run into a few girls that I already knew, at the gym, and they all have approached me to talk and remark how much thinner I look since they've last seen me. I took the signs that the universe was sending me at this point and decide it's time venture back out to the bar scene and enjoy myself and see where i'm at.
So I hit the town the following Friday. Met up with a friend of mine (Female) and some other mutual friends. She's very attractive and has a pretty good social status. Her and I were pretty good friends at one point due to interest in EDM and music festivals (ex was jealous of this) I always spoke to her about my relationship (never talk to women about that, learned that from here) and my feelings because I figured she was a good friend so why not. She labeled me as sensitive but I didn't care because like I said I just viewed her as a friend and was loyal to my gf at the time. She would always joke with me about how sensitive I was and she knew a lot about my relationship and interacted with my ex a lot when we were all together. She always had seen me with my ex whenever we crossed paths during the past year, and she knew we were broken up, so you know the big question was coming and it didn't take long.
"So....why did you and (ex) break up?"
Gentleman, here is something I realized at that very moment. If people ask you why you and an ex broke up and it wasn't favorable towards you, say whatever the fuck you want. Control the narrative. At the end of the day, you're broken up, everyone knows it, so why not take full control and put it into YOUR FRAME. You think that slut is gonna go around telling everyone how she cheated on you? She's telling everyone how abusive and controlling your ass was and making you look like the villain. So at this point, do whatever the fuck makes you look the best. Cue my answer
"I just got bored. Always felt like there was something missing and kept catching myself checking out and thinking about other women. She's a nice girl but I just need something more and exciting."
She could not believe it. I was the guy who was in love and wanted a serious relationship. How could I? She questioned it initially, quite a few times actually, but I just kept my frame and my answer solid. From that point on, I treated her like a little sister. Teasing her, acting cocky, talking about other women that I seen at the bar, even talked to a couple women. We chatted some more and she said I looked a lot thinner and that I looked good and I told her she looked good as well. I wandered off to mingle after that and lost her over the course of the of the night. As closing time was approaching, guess who was calling me to see where I was at? She said she wanted to see if I wanted to go to an after party but lost track of me. I tell her I'm at the bar she last seen me at and to come pick me up since I was pretty drunk. She says she's on her way.
She pulls up outside the bar about 10 minutes later and I get into the car. We had both been drinking a pretty fair amount (We kept going back and forth buying each other drinks) and my IDGAF mode was in the green at this point, so naturally I said fuck it. I hop in, give her a big smile. Then in an instant, I grab her hand and pull her towards me and went in for the kiss. I could tell she was surprised but she kissed eagerly right back. Why the confidence? Because even though we were always just friends and had no past history of messing around and also her knowing I was a sensitive mega beta up to this point, I knew she had no good reason to come back and pick me up. She opened the door for me, and I walked through it. We made out passionately for a couple minutes. She says wow where did that come from? I go back to my cocky self and say I could see it in your eyes you wanted to kiss me all night. She laughs and says whatever and goes back to kissing me. After a few more minutes of back and forth, we finally just decide to go back to her place. You can guess what happened there. The girl who knew me as a sensitive, lovey dovey, hopeless romantic guy, just got the script flipped on her overnight.
Since that day last week, I'm starting to get a lot more attention from females, most likely due to my confidence and my time in the gym, even though i'm nowhere near close to what I want to be by any means. But I have a joyful attitude and smile everywhere I go.. Went out the other night and pulled the dream scenario. Ran into the most recent ex at a bar (the cheater) Kept it causal and didn't look her way once and just mingled with friends. I eventually lock eyes with a gorgeous blonde across the room, I smile, she smiles right back. Game on. (Another tip) doesn't matter what you say when you approach because usually nobody remembers what it was right? Try going with something like "Why do you look so familiar?" I walk towards her and it took about a minute to get through the crowd, so I use that time to think about what I'm going to say. I come up with that. I finally get to her and spit my line, her hamster started spinning immediately and she says she's not sure but I look familiar as well. Maybe I did, maybe I just convinced her I did. We talk for a bit and I keep the questions going and she keeps the answers coming. She tells me how handsome I look so I finally give her validation and tell her she looks very sexy. I made sure not to comment on her looks until she gave me a compliment (Been studying the sidebar, thank you TRP) She thanks me for my compliment and then I grab her hand and I tell her I need another drink, lets go to the bar. She say's okay and comes right along (LEAD, don't ask) After we get a drink, we talk a bit more and I can see my ex and her friends nearby. I decide to play my chances. This girl has been pretty into me the whole night, why not.
As we're talking, she's locking into my eyes heavy (signs) and laughing at everything. So i go in for the kill. I flat out say you look like you want to kiss me. She responds "Do I?" I keep the smile and say yeah you do. She then says "Well maybe I do, but I don't think you will in front of all these people."
So for those of you fresh out of a heartbreak, there's hope. I was at an extreme low. Very extreme low, confidence shattered, depressed, everything you can think of. But I kept fighting. People are going to ask you about your ex, so make your own narrative that fits the best for you. Say whatever you want that makes you look good. And if you see her, don't even acknowledge her presence and talk to other women. Look happy even when your'e not. Don't let that bitch see she hurt you if she did. When you're having bad days, take it out on the gym. Feel that burn and the pain simultaneously leaving your body. I was not receiving any attention at all like this 3 months ago. But I kept working out hard, I kept smiling even though I was hurting bad inside, and I never let anyone know how much pain I was in. I'm not even saying i'm completely over it either, but knowing i'm not even close to where I want to be at body wise and somewhat confidence wise, good things are already happening to me and i'm not even 90 days in. So lift hard and forget the past. We only have one life to live on this earth, one day you you'll leave this earth. So make the fucking best of it. And one day, you'll be glad your oneitis made you go through this because it made you better, if you put in the hard work. Shit I'm already thanking mine (inside my head of course)
Thank you TRP for helping me get through the hard times. Here's to more good.