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Off Topic22 years old and this year hit me absolutely hard. Story of how I wanted to give up, almost labeled insane, and how I'm slowly turning it all around. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

Hey, what's up guys.

So I'm not some expert writer or any shit like that, so excuse me if this isn't the most glamorous story on here. However, I'd like to share my RedPill story, about some of the lessons I've learned and examples I've seen in my own life.

So I've recently turned 22, been looking at the RedPill for a little while now. What really gravitated me towards this subreddit was the real-ness of it all. Before coming here, I always used to question many things in my life, especially when it came to concepts such as being a man, women, relationships, and society as a whole.

I was raised in a household where I lived with my mother, and two sisters. My father worked elsewhere, he didn't live with us but he definitely provided for us financially. So my daily atmosphere was pretty feminine, and since I am the youngest, being in such an environment made me a bit softer.

As a young kid, I had a lot of energy, loved to play sports, socialize, and was very competitive. I especially enjoyed fighting and wrestling, however I noticed from an early age how my behaviour was always put down. Naturally as a kid, i fought it at first because it's my natural inclination, however as time passed, those feelings turned into shame and guilt.

Being around girls all the time in the home, and my sisters friends, they tried to definitely sway my judgements as a person. Always putting ideas into my head about "always be sweet to girls and do this for them" and you know all that other bullshit. Any aggressive behaviour I showed was put down, and since I had no male role models around, I just took it. Honestly, as a kid, the male role models I had were like fucking Goku and Vegeta from DBZ, Batman and whoever else I saw on TV.

So I grow up into my teenage age, hit a growth spurt and hit 6 feet pretty early (Black genes helped a bit lol), but that was just on the outside. From my young age to high school, I became more reclusive and more of a loser to put it frankly, Playing video games, watching anime, staying inside, super shy to talk to girls and all that, had a total "Nice guy" attitude and thought crazy shit like you should never even cuss at a girl.

The girls that I did talk to always had interest initially cause I'm somewhat handsome but right away lost interest as soon as they started talking to me. Being in a completely female environment, and even asking for advice from my sisters gave me a shitty skewed perception of relationships and girls.

So I'm 18, I'm still a virgin loser, finish high school and don't want to go to college because I don't know what I want to do. So I waste about a year doing nothing, then the next year, I remember it was around New Years that I started looking at self-improvement forums and stuff. Definitely was tired of my lifestyle and how I was being as a person.

Another year or so after is when I found the RedPill. At first, I thought y'all were fucking crazy, like this was some extremist shit. Makes sense, because it was challenging my mindset, and it was difficult for me to fathom. I started to read a lot more and more and really analyzed and compared it to my life, and it was just a series of mini epiphanies that made me go like "wtf , this is scary how true this is."

I started to look back at my own life, and remember so many moments, not only with girls but myself as a person and it really put me in a depressed state. Felt like a lot of what I've been taught was a gigantic lie and it's because it was. Decided to move out of the house, and live in another city.

When I moved out, I got into lifting, kept reading more and more RP and other stuff. That's when I got into a very angry phase. I shut out girls, cut out my BP friends for a bit, and started to just lift, work, read for a bit. It felt like I reached a point where nothing mattered to me anymore and I had no fucks to give.

So I'm out of the city, living on my own for a bit now, still lifting but hated my job. So met someone one day that told me about how he makes good money dealing , and decided to get into selling drugs. At first, the nerves I had were insane. However, working a crappy minimum wage job will make you consider a lot. Didn't want to go back home either, so I was like fuck it, I'll just start dealing too. The local area was full of potheads and such, and being 6'3 and black in a area full of white people, I already got asked for drugs all the time, so might as well profit a bit.

Got into selling weed, pills, and blow, but still worked a couple hours at my job to make myself look somewhat legit. Started making pretty alright money for someone my age and in the area I was in (full of students), and I became more well-known. At this point, my physique got much better, and started to dress well and pretty much looked completely different. So much so, that when one of my cousins came to visit me, he didn't even recognize me.

After some time, decided to move to back to my city, live on my own still but to attend school in the following year. So when I came back, met up with my old friends and I couldn't even stand being around them. Being gone really opened my eyes to those around me and that who I surround myself with is a reflection of myself, not to say I'm any better but coming back and seeing them doing the same old shit, talking about video games and girls they'll never have the courage to approach sounded super lame.

Also, the subtle jabs against me about my muscle gain or my style shrouded in insecurity was just sad. This also came from my family when I saw them again and my sisters told me I've become a "jerk." And why you may ask, because I had no interest in going to a dinner with them and their friends (something I'd do before, like some lame ass ladies night) or because I wasn't as talkative. Wasn't intentional either, just my interests have changed.

So this is when I started hitting up girls on instagram and girls I knew, and when I saw first hand of how fucked up girls, especially around my age are. One girl too, who I used to go to school with (had a crush on in middle school lol), but denied me got my snapchat from one of her friends and hits me up. We meet up and at first, she's compliments me cause I've gotten fitter and we get to talking. Now this is where I thank RP a lot because if there's one thing I've learned, it's to have abundance mentality.

So the old me would have tried to talk as much as I can, ask a bunch of questions and be waaay too interested, hide sexual interest and all that. We get to talking and since my mindset isn't about how I am but how she is, that's when I started realizing how uninteresting this girl is. No real hobbies or anything and I had no real interest of continuing talking, so cut it short. She later hits me up saying that I was rude and and all that and don't even respond to it. 3 days later she asks to come out again, and I just said through text that I'm not looking to date atm and she says that's cool and that she isn't either.

She then invites me and says we could "chill", and I came through a day later, and we fucked. She hits me with the she doesn't really sleep with someone that quick text a day after and i replied it's cool. We fuck again and that's when I find out this girl has a bf, not only that but she would literally use the guy for shit. I'd be at her place, she'd order a bunch of food and stuff from his credit card for us to eat, she'd take his calls while she with me and it was just scary to see how she switched up so easily on the phone. That's when I was like "jeez, these girls out here are really savages."

Started hitting up more girls and started to have a couple plates that I'd hit up through the week. After a bit, realized how fucked up emotionally a lot of these girls from shit they told me. We'd fuck and they would always try to get me to open up emotionally but i learned from reading bare stories here how that never works out in your favor. Or how they would try to get me to commit when it was clear what my intentions were.

And to be honest, I did want to have a relationship but rather be safe than sorry. So anyways, things are going alright, I'm still working out, have a decent job now and saving up for school, got into a lot more hobbies.

But then something happened which caught me off guard. My mother became very ill and was placed in to the hospital. She soon after was becoming worse in her condition. This really was hitting me hard cause honestly, she was still the closest person in the world to me. Raised me, gave me everything, and it was always a huge fear of mine to lose her. She wasn't like women here either because she was raised outside of the country and had very conservative old school traditions, came here not knowing the language, and still managed to raise kids.

She was very RP in that she told me a lot about what makes a good man, and it wasn't any of the BS, but I always believed my sisters instead who were pretty much super feminized from here. Anyways, I was out of the city when I received the call she was passing and rushed and was with her during the last moments and it was truly the saddest moment of my life.

As a man, you don't have many outlets you can look to and ones that truly truly care for you unconditionally. After her passing though, I felt extremely depressed, however didn't show it at all. Around this time, everyone in the family started worrying about me because instead of being a room of mourning girls and hearing pity, all I was thinking about was trying my best to honor my mother. And I know she wouldn't want me to be complaining or be completely sad, even though I was feeling depressed. So I started hitting the gym super hard, literally even a day after.

Taking out my emotions there, and this was another time when I saw how fucked up some girls could be. They didn't see me crying in front of them and instead going to the gym, so some would try to talk to me one on one and they would try to hold my arms and try to physically comfort me when it was obvious what they were doing. I was like what the fuck, how low do you have to be to try to pull shit like this at this time, but I just wouldn't say much and would avoid any physical interaction. Then they tried suggesting I need a therapist maybe, but that just made me annoyed because, sure it might help others but the way I saw it is, why would I pay someone I don't know to hear my problems out when I wouldn't even do it for free to people I do know.

After a while, I lost motivation and became very depressed. Lost weight, started just sleeping in, felt numb. My thoughts were the worst, I couldn't even sleep properly because I would just get bombarded with all these horrible thoughts, and it wore me out after a bit. Thought maybe I should go see a specialist, and tell them about how I've feeling. I went to one and they suggested I have clinical depression, signs of bipolar, ptsd and more. Didn't believe it at all. Hearing that shit was horrible, then to hear I need to take this and that pill.

The weeks following were some of the shittiest, I didn't take the pills and decided instead to go visit my father and try to be around him for the first time. That was what truly changed my mindset. This involves flying and seeing him on the other side of the world where many live in poverty.

He saw my face and he knew exactly how I was feeling. Instead of pitying me, or feeling sad for me, he did something much better. So the first two weeks I was there, I'd still have sleeping problems but every morning, my dad would slam my door very early and I'd wake up all groggy and just be a miserable piece of crap. But him, he would be very happy, full of energy saying "it's another day, another blessing."

I told him how I was prescribed as having this and that and he said "is that so, who said that." And I told him a specialist and he said "do you believe him?" And I said I don't know. He said it so calmly and was smiling. So the weeks following, he takes me to parts of the country where it's pretty much villages and poverty everywhere. We would stay in these places and at first, I fucking hated it, cause it was out of my comfort zone and would victimize myself and say I'm not in a good mental state.

So my dad introduced me to many people and I talked to people who had some super fucked up pasts, much worse than anything I could imagine and they would all be happy and smiling. My dad would keep telling me advice and asking me questions and it really made me question a lot.

He personally, has lost a lot of family, been through war, and wasn't even present as his wife passed yet he never once complained or looked to the pity of another man. He told me "in life you become either a warrior by the end of it or a victim, no one will ever understand your potential, and that absolutely nothing is owed to you except for death."

I remember one incident where there was a very young kid who would polish and clean your shoes and I pitied the kid and tried to give him money, but the kid didn't even take it. Why? Because he was working, and my father told me "don't pity him, he is working, doesn't matter if he's cleaning shoes or washing dishes, at this moment, he's his own man and he has a job while you dont, so of course he doesn't need your charity."

Met many others and I kept thinking about how if these people were back home in the states, they would easily have so many people victimize them and pity them and suggest they need therapy for this, meds for that for all the trauma and whatever else. However, all of them shared the same views that it's just life and you got to make the best of it however you can, that crying to another person or labelling yourself as such and such might help but who knows yourself better than yourself. Everyone else will give you insight into what they think will benefit you but only you truly know yourself.

When I came back from the trip, I felt a lot better in the sense that I've learned that a lot to being a man isn't about just lifting or getting girls, but actually holding your shit down, especially mentally when you feel your worst. It also made me very simplistic and calmer, that whatever happens, to just relax and keep moving forward.

My feelings of doom, depression, anxiety and whatever else went down considerably and I'm glad because I could have just taken the pills, went to therapy and I know that would have made me feel even worse. Not to say any things wrong with that if that's what you choose but I know myself.

Nowadays, I'm back in the gym, back to working , made some new friends that I just kick it with to just talk about real things I'm interested in. Started looking into starting my own business, something I've been very passionate about. And with girls, not much of a huge interest at the point because the short-term pleasure I got out of plates doesn't compare to the feeling of contentment and calmness I have nowadays.

Anyways, this is just a post sharing some of what I've experienced the last little bit, hopefully inspires some of you guys,


[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 267 points268 points  (8 children)

Intense story man. Coming of age as a man, well worth reading and thinking about.

See if you can still make some kinda effort meeting new girls though. Because once in a while of samey-same, you will meet a girl that blows you away and seems to add rocket fuel to all the engines in your body. Those times of life in amazing overdrive are worth it, even if it later ends "bad".

Because let's face it, anything that ends is "bad" for a guy with a blue pill mindset. It's just not real thinking it would never end, but on the blue pill that's the only way you do think.

[–]RedDespair 77 points78 points  (4 children)

Just be sure to take your anti-oneitis vaccine daily cause it can happen when you least expect it

[–]guifawkes 19 points20 points  (1 child)

"Life is a hypocrite if I can't live the way it moves me."

Don't act like a giddy schoolboy but being a robot is not necessarily the best move either.

I think excitement about a high SMV girl should be expected and expressed slightly (girls like feel like they have sway) but yes be careful that she doesn't get put on a pedestal.

[–]fromthecrypt8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well said, and powerful quote

[–]jackandjill22 10 points11 points  (1 child)

This story is 100% accurate. Girls are savages. I've seen them like up a different dude everyday of the week like clockwork. It's crazy.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Things ending badly is a baseline requirement for life on earth.

[–]Kenisis24 84 points85 points  (3 children)

“In life, you become either a warrior by the end or a victim. No one will ever understand your potential. Absolutely nothing is owed to you except for death.”

That one is gonna stick to me for awhile

[–]rp_newdawn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wrote down the exact same quote. Best piece of wisdom in the whole post

[–]FlipFlopsNPingDrops 1 points1 points [recovered]

Great story brother.You learnt powerful lessons:You have to be at your strongest when you are feeling the lowest.Improvise.Adapt.Overcome.Never give up.Never stop improving!

[–]yallapapi 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah for sure. Actually I didn't read that too fucking long but props for using paragraphs

[–]1TimmyTurnersNuts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I found John Cena. No like That last line or two was Cena verbatim. I agree nonetheless.

[–][deleted] 89 points90 points  (2 children)

I am sitting here rereading this post over and over again. If ever something described my current situation so accurately, it is this post, right down to my mother having a bad illness. You have no idea how much I needed to read this right now, to know that there is another way out if only I get the fuck up and move towards it. Thankyou brother!

[–]zalinanaruto 5 points6 points  (0 children)

sometime life give you shit. you tough it out. and you come out the tunnel as a better person.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you faced it all and survived. Life still has plenty more shit coming your way but you'll be surprised at how well you handle it after this. I faced a similar tragedy around that age and had to learn to hold frame for different reasons. Cut off a lot of people who'd I'd tolerated for a long time as well and just learned a lot.

Good luck with it, be grateful you still have a life to live beyond this.

[–]Solon64 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This story is inspirational, man, thank you for sharing. These kinds of stories can help a lot of young men struggling to find themselves in this world. We need more stories like this.

Here's hoping you remain a warrior.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Dope ass story man, sorry for the loss of your mom and good luck. Reminds me of what I went through and am currently going through at the moment.

[–]PadaV4 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Met many others and I kept thinking about how if these people were back home in the states, they would easily have so many people victimize them and pity them and suggest they need therapy for this, meds for that for all the trauma and whatever else.

This is whats wrong with the society in the USA. Its never your own fault, its always something else holding you down. Everything is racist, everything is sexist. People are being conditioned to not even try and just cry OPPRESSION! as loud as possible in hopes of getting the biggest victimbux.

[–]TitsAndWhiskey 31 points32 points  (3 children)

I firmly believe that what we call "Depression" is just not having real-world coping skills. You live your life according to the blue pill principles you were taught, and it predictably goes to shit. So you go to the shrink, who gives you some pills to numb the pain and probably doubles down on the blue pill advice. That continues to not work, and on down the spiral you go.

The only real cure is learning and accepting that the world you live in is not what you were told it is. Then fighting like hell.

[–]Lem_Tuoni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a difference between feeling depressed and clinical depression. You wouldn't tell a schizophrenic to "get over it". Clinical depression is different only in the sense that it can pass on it's own. I think this is the case here.

[–]juunnioorrr 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Call me a pussy but this post actually brought tears to my eyes. Your story is beautiful and I'm sure there's a light at the end of this tunnel. You have inspired me because often, I feel the way you did after your mom passed. If you don't mind me asking: where are your parents from?

[–]AncientScrolls 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Nice story. I think one of the things your life story shows us is that we can either choose to bitch for the rest of our lives about the circumstances we were born in and the misfortunes the universe throws at us or we can opt to move on and become a stronger version of ourselves like you did.

[–]alucardarian 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Excellent read. Owning up to failures and taking responsibility for your own happiness and wellbeing by having iron will is paramount for success. I think of every time I mentally victimized myself because I couldn't get this job or couldn't get this girl because of this or that and never me. That's the shitty culture we're brought up in. On the other hand, my dad literally carried our entire family on his back from poverty in another country by self-learning english to a comfortable middle class life in America. I cannot imagine the amount of bullshit he had to go through to achieve all this. He takes shit from nobody and never backs down from any challenge. That's the kind of iron willpower I aspire to have.

[–]SovereignSoul76 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Not only was that a great story, but very well written also.

It's important to recognize that we're not robots. When somebody dies, you're ALLOWED to be sad. But the end result of that sadness should be increased mental/spiritual strength and character, not stupifying medication and an appetite for other peoples' pity.

If you're looking into starting an LLC, there's plenty of time to spend on that endeavor. PLENTY. And if you're not spending 12-18 hrs a week chasing girls and texting with some twat, you'll rocket to the front of the pack. Best of luck.

[–]Gotmilkyy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you delved into the field of business ownership?

[–]zalinanaruto 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I love the part where you meet your dad. Its like meeting a hermit or buddha. his comment about living life being a warrior or victim is really inspiring because I see many people around me around me always trying to victimise themselves.

Glad to see that you have everything figured out. I was brought up in a girly environment because my dad is away from work most of the week but he is always back home for the weekend so i did have a fatherly present that i learned from. but i was surrounded by female relatives cuz all my cousins are girls. but i always had a carefree attitude so i never give a shit about how people think. lol.... i guess its a good thing.

Look forward to you moving on and starting your own business and meeting the right person in the future. when i met my wife I knew she was diff but now that we are married I am sure that she is the right woman in my life. A real woman calms the man and support each other instead of some females who just creates issues.

[–]TiberZurg 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Thanks for sharing. I'm 23 and I've been through a lot of intense shit too. I got into cold-approach pickup for 6 months but right when I was starting to get somewhere they kicked me out of college. So I quit game and decided to get my shit together. I went to a new college and right when I was getting my shit together really well this fucking guy hits me while I was running at him and I got a concussion and on top of that I also got overtrained because I didn't manage my rest properly. But what do we do as men? We fucking keep going. So I started managing my problems. I did everything I could to boost my brainpower and to function as well as I could even though I was tired all the time. I became the team manager of the biggest project in my uni and I started a business. I travelled around Europe by myself, almost lost my virginity two times with some amazing girls. Then I came home and I found my roommate on the balcony. He hanged himself. Bam. PTSD. On top of that my brain problems got worse. I started getting migraines. I got fucking depressed. I almost lost my fucking mind too. When life hits you with so much shit you start losing your grip on reality a bit. At one moment I could literally not see reality for what it was anymore. That was rock bottom.

And here I am now, depressed, lonely as fuck, I have no energy, my body feels like shit, it's like I'm getting Parkinsons or something. I'm still a virgin, and I'm studying something I'm not really interested in too. But you are fucking right man. I can be angry all I want at my parents and my friends and other people who wronged me, but all the anger in the world ain't gonna do shit. As men, we don't give up. We fucking keep fighting no matter what happens. So that's what I'll do and thanks for the inspiration. No matter how many times life kicks me down the stairs, I'll keep getting up and climb them over and over again.

[–]theywantonotme 2 points3 points  (2 children)

If there's one thing I've learned in all my years of living with addiction and a weakened state of mind is:

your top priority in life is to get back to a sharp mind. Energy is second. Health is third.

All of them have a balance on each other: with more energy comes a sharper mind. With more health comes more energy. The sharper mind is at the top of the triangle. It points up. Because with a sharper mind the direction of your life is straight up.

I had a porn addiction for almost 10 years and malnutrition and a gaming addiction and BDD and social anxiety, depression and a whole mess of stuff. I know what it's like to want to die just like you. There's good and bad parts of everything in life, including addiction.

The good part is the lesson it teaches you. That to have a functioning brain and to have energy to do things is one of the most important things in life. That means money, a girlfriend, a nice car, a house, a career, friends, and other luxuries in life are just that: luxuries. The part you cannot do without is being at the top of your game. Being as quick-witted, as sharp, as energetic, as wise as you possibly can be. And until you get there, your highest calling in life is to get there.

Unlearning bad habits will help you get there. Overcoming all addictions (including internet &phone) will help you get there. Training your memory, processing, attention will help you get there. Eating right, sleeping right, exercising will help you get there.

I know when you have responsibilities it becomes a desperate situation to get out. It will take cunning to figure a way out and energy to execute and health to sustain it. Get there.

[–]TiberZurg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man. I'm already on that shit. I'm eating super healthy. I recently started reading a lot, working harder, blocking Whatsapp notifications on my phone and blocking my Facebook feed. I also printed out 6 studies to show my doctor so he can help me fix my brain ASAP. I don't really care about luxuries. I care about having freedom to do what I want and I'm headed there quite rapidly. It just sucks that it feels like I wasted the past 5 years, in my opinion the early 20s are prime years of your life for adventure and I squandered them. I wish I would've gone into the army or moved to the other side of the world or something, followed my gut more instead of listening to the advice of everyone around me. But heck, I can't complain. I learned from it. I learned things most people won't learn in their entire lifetimes. Thanks for the advice though, a message like this motivates me to work at it even harder.

[–]Handbone1469 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"don't pity him, he is working, doesn't matter if he's cleaning shoes or washing dishes, at this moment, he's his own man and he has a job while you dont, so of course he doesn't need your charity." This is something my Dad taught me too, its a great life lesson.

[–]crezber 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude your story is good motivation. Thank you

[–]girder_shade 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nice work man keep going. We all share hardships and you and I are not too different after all.

[–]Work_In_Progress92 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Some of the things your father told you, it reminds me of Furious Styles from Boyz in the Hood (Laurence Fishburne's character.) Granted he is a fictional and made up character, but reading your father's words it just put that image of Furious in my head.

That being said, that is quite the journey you have been on. Lots of valleys and peaks, and that is life. You continue to march on thru the hard times. Good luck, never get comfortable.

[–]Cool_Mob 1 points1 points [recovered]

On the bright side,Goku is a perfect role model for complete Alpha.

Vegeta is the incomplete one.

Goku trained giving no shit to his son's and wife😂.

[–]RPTA3498 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good job bouncing back brother! But remember you are 22, life has barely started to fuck with you. Buckle that seat belt and prepare yourself for the ride and just always remember your time with your dad.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Best post ever.

Somewhat similar as you. Raised by single mother. My brother rebelled. Growing up, no one to share my feelings with (my mother is not very receptive even). Actually, grown, still no one to share my feelings with. Am asian, short, so I don't have you height advantage and definitely am not selling.

But you know what, I lift. I can choose to be happy. I don't have to react to the drama of other people if I don't want to. I have the freedom to choose.

And your post is good, especially about the shoe shiner. He is his own man. Am trying to start my own business too.

I guess some people just have it all, but we just have to fight on. If you ask me, at least I have life. At least I am not dead.

Cheers, good story.

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Welcome to the Red Pill. It's all uphill from here.

[–]zeussingh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very Interesting read and thanks for sharing ! Its good you are learning so much at such a young age. The sooner it happens the stronger it makes you. Keep working on yourself and all the best in life !

[–]tibikush2012 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We grow through struggle and not through comfort.

Every hardship we pass is another rite of passage.

Good on you man. Keep being or working towards being the man you want to be

[–]uebermacht 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This story is impressive!
I really appreciate that you share your story with us!
I’ve put that into archive.is to save it :)
http://archive.is/yRE64

[–]lostmypasswordagain9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the best post ever. Brilliant. I fucking loved the honesty, the self realisation and most of all your ability to take it head on and do what you needed to do. You my friend are a goddamn inspiration and you touched my heart and reminded me of absolutely what it is to be a man.

[–]WestyWorld 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awesome story.

Really highlights how there is so much to life beyond getting pussy. Becoming the best man you can be.. that’s the real goal. That’s where the real satisfaction lies. If you succeed, you won’t even have to pull women... they’ll pull you.

[–]TheBasedLibertarian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great post, I'm guessing you're from London.

[–]gdsgdn 1 point2 points  (4 children)

What literature were you reading during those tough years?

[–]Krandon 1 points1 points [recovered]

Power of Now, 48 Laws of Power, How to win friends and influence people, meditations, No more Mr.Nice Guy, Millionaire Fastlane, The Rational Male were some. I also was reading a lot of Autobiographies of people I considered successful and some historical books too.

[–]Gotmilkyy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey man, your post really resonated with me.

I went through a similar "coming of age" trial or whatever you wanna call it.

Was 2 years into TRP, just turned 20 and was making strides like you were but working a shit job plus mentally my old programming kept creeping back in I had enough and said fuck it. Planned my "Great Escape" and went backpacking halfway across the world. Long story short... It really gave me a lot of perspective and has helped me grind through 2017 to put myself in a sweet place financially, mentally, and emotionally.

Those are all really good books. Also one that literally grabbed me for 2 days straight until I finished it was "Outwitting the Devil". I still don't know how to really convey it cause I'm still processing but take my word on it.

[–]cutlikediamonds 1 points1 points [recovered]

Also what hobbies did you get into? you really seemed to develop yourself which is quite inspiring!

[–]Aestheticcunt1996 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your story made me cry. I'm sure you're making your mother proud and she's up there smiling and watching over you. Keep it up!

[–]Endorsed Contributorbogeyd6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. My biggest take away is that healing comes from inside, not outside

[–]1PantsonFire1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

(Black genes helped a bit lol)

Stopped reading there, what a delusional statement. Black genes probably kept you from growing more.

[–]lispychicken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

'Story of how I wanted to give up,"

22yrs young I hope any 22ish year young kids reading this keep in mind you have many, MANY more days ahead of you than history behind you.

[–]theSoothSlayerCoC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this story. Inspiring.

[–]TAOofSTEVE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are on the right path. The key is to always be observing, learning and adapting. TRP is not a destination. You will never "arrive." It is the journey and what we learn from it that makes us who we are. Internalize everything - from what you learned from your dad to what you learn from each interaction with girls to observing your friends. What you decide to do with this information is up to you.

[–]Luiser27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I truly relate to the last couple of points you made. I feel so content and calm that most of my days besides the gym and working consist of reading books or writing and drawing in a coffee shop.

At times I have cute girls hitting me up that would love to hang out, yet I choose not to unless it's been a while without sex. I rather enjoy my inner stillness and calmness than have the short-term pleasure of a plate mess up my flow.

[–]anticapitalist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

labelled insane

"Insanity" is a religious idea, there is no scientific tool ('insanitometer' or something) that measures a single damaged brain cell or damaged gene.

If you are accused of being different or "bad"/inferior somehow, based on other's subjective opinions about you, dishonest people can dismiss the person as born "insane" instead of admitting that other people have different interpretations of the world.

Even if they're wrong, eg religion, or trusting politicians, that is not "insanity."

[–]LanAlMadragoran 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice post man. I really liked reading about your transition. Especially how your views changed regarding your friends, family, women, and your own circumstances when living in a first world country.

I hope to make a post similar to this my self, but I'm waiting until I become more successful financially/game.

[–]CaleebTalib 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't stop trying to get a girlfriend though bro. Good read.

[–]AstuteBlackMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate to this story in multiple ways my man. I haven't lost my parents but it is a goal of mine to make sure I honor their life by honoring mine and making something of myself. They actually gave me a good dose of red pill type knowledge to which I ignored and instead focused on what my blue pill simp friends were doing.

Definitely saving this post.

Thanks.

[–]Mr-Kabuki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"hopefully inspires some of you guys"

Yes. Yes you have, thanks! I had some similar upbringing with 2 older sisters. My dad was home but worked 60 hours a week and would just come home and drink so I actually never saw him as much I would have liked to during my formative years as a child.

[–]DorsalMorsel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always admire how some guys, right from the jump, find ways to let women know that they want to fuck them. The talk to them for no reason, they "jokingly" ask women when they are going to get together, etc. The women aren't offended and they don't treat them like creeps. Its like whoa! These men are pretty much in different words telling the women how much they want to smash them, and the women seem to actually enjoy the attention. Why? I thought they were grossed out by such overt crassness.

Then you have guys like me who want to get with women just as much, but don't use the regular time during the day to practice game. Instead, we wall that shit up very tight under the guise of "respect" or "professionalism" and the ONLY time we allow ourselves to let women know we want to fuck them is when we are drunk. At which point, now we are these no game having, super overcompensating, grabby, handsey, drunken idiots that would have easily had sex with these women while sober if we would have just invested some time and effort during the regular day. Instead, we scare the women off and look like creeps while we feel super guilty and hungover the next day wondering if these women we came onto the night before think we are total jerks.

[–]mydogfartzwithz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man just chiming in, thots gonna be thots. Theyll be fun fucks and make your dick feel nice and warm but theres still good ones out there, be wise. You learned so much more than so many others. I feel afraid of the moment Im hit with a heavy emotional brick to shatter my frame. But true. Life is life and the only thing were promised is death. Bless up ^

Growing up I was always labeled an outcast, I had bitch vibes but I knew where I stood. I was just afraid all the time for no reason other than I pulled it from my immediate parents. Underneath I knew I was solid but my upbringing held me back hard. Looking back Fuck em for putting me down, locking me in this mental hell. Not my parents, they didnt know. Fuck the selfish cunts who raise their kids to be selfish cunts.

But the one thing ive learned through all my shit is, dont take life so hard, just chill and give good vibes, help people worth your energy grow too. let the demons rip each other apart. The females that choose them arent worth the struggle.

[–]Everybodypoopsalot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I generally hate this genre of TRP post, but this was well written and included some great lessons. Love your Dads way of teaching you to have some insight. What country btw?

[–]1UPZ_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good.

Remember, just when you think the world is against you.... think someone else out there is fighting a much harder battle and there's nothing they can do to save themselves from doom. its reality.

[–]King_Maui 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, definitely good to hear about someone my age getting shit done.

[–]GreyGhostTV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jesus Christ man insane story, thanks for sharing it with us. +100000 iota

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]Perceval7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You seem like a very interesting guy. Great story!

[–]GrimsterrOP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the inspiring post!

[–]papparella007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing bro, appreciate it and hope you can ascend to better things!

[–]LexaBinsr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm probably late to the party but I wanted to comment on the part about your mother passing away.

First of all, it sucks that happened and I hope you feel better now. I just wanted to say that it is okay to cry and show your emotion in that situation. Fuck frame and what people say. You're mourning a person that raised you. Its okay to cry then.

That part hit me hard because, like you, I have a huge fear of losing my grandmother and I don't know how I will deal with it when that day comes. I feel like it will fuck me up mentally and like there is a ticking clock. Every time I think about it I'm nearly brought to tears and I very rarely cry. You described how I feel to a T.

I've lost my grandfather to cancer and I tried my best not to cry during his funeral while everyone around me was bawling. I ended up collapsing on my mom and cried uncontrollably. Even so, that fucked me up and I resented my family who told me I'm weak for crying and not to. I don't know how you did it. You're a very strong person.

PS: Fantastic post.

[–]Lem_Tuoni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What you described (if you replace that "being a man" narrative with being virtuous) is almost literally the stoic philosophy. Look into the meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

[–]waldo888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see real men as people who have faced adversity and learned something from it, I try not to judge men's pasts if they have genuinely improved because of it, generally this comes with humility and a sign of maturity and wisdom. People who are trying to figure it out instead of just following the program are inspiring. It is always a struggle, but it far more whrothwhile to be an individual than to let others think for you.One of my biggest regrets is going to university right after high school despite not having a fucking clue who I was or what I was interested in. I got a degree in biology and now I am a business owner. If I took a couple years to figure it out, I would have gone into engineering. Best move ever make sure you know its worth it befor you spend the money.

[–]Dallasmoon -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I go trough speed reading only to see key words and then knock out some of those for progress I will address one knock out technology based items

[–]Dallasmoon -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I go trough speed reading only to see key words and then knock out some of those for progress I will address one knock out technology based items

[–]GoodTimesOnly319 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Seems like you need God in your life

[–]adaptiveprism01 1 points1 points [recovered]

It kind of sounds like you have swept a lot of your emotional problems under a rug and then put a table over the mess to cover it up.

Meeting your father seemed to turn your mental state towards something that is a lot more healthy. However, I think that you still probably have a lot of underlying issues.

Think about an army war veteran. They experience something mildly traumatic during their deployment. They might spend ten years living a normal civilian life when suddenly they will see something in a very mundane place like a grocery store parking lot or a swimming pool. Maybe it is a women dropping her bag of groceries and it reminds him of his best friend dropping a grenade on the ground and that he just stood there while his friend died horrifically. Or maybe it is someone laughing at the pool and they slip momentarily under the water but it brings back a memory of a dead body floating to the surface.

Lifting weights is therapeutic. Having rewarding relationships is incredibly healing. I think you should come to terms with the fact that even if you have a means to keep your mental state stable as of right now that you may find during hard times that your severe depression and anger come back to the surface.

I don't even think you need to label yourself at all. I do think you should do something though. I trust that if you were able to find a place like the red pill to solve your issues with women that you can also find resources online to help yourself recover.

[–]mydogfartzwithz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I get you're trying to think throwing bandaids over issues wont help but, what happens when you get a cut, you cover it or it gets infected. Eventually it scars over. Get it?

Vets who've seen some shit, regular civilians too all have these scars. Takes time to heal and it can come back to haunt but that never goes away. You only gain and learn. Once you learn women can lie and game their emotions Like Men can, you realize that, shit... Half the people who think they know what theyre talking about just lie to market their products, drugs, etc . You see the fucking cut throats for who they are, you learn and you grow. The one life we ger and cant get back. Do today, or regret yesterday. Only two choices