Originally posted this ask/trp thought it would be a good addition here.
This post will hopefully show men considering marriage how to avoid massive asset losses in the event of a divorce. I have always been a very shrewd man when it comes to my finances. Not so much when it comes to my romantic relationships, but I'm working on that now.
My story starts in the mid 90's. I had recently finished my surgical residency and moved out to a state with a severe doctor shortage. I was pulling down well into seven figures annually. However, I myself was working for this money and I always believed that having others working for you is the way to generate true wealth. So I began to open various hotel franchises, restaurant franchises, apartment buildings, etc. I was always concerned about a law suit because well doctors get sued a lot and I did not want to lose money to that, so I began researching into asset protection. The best way to protect one's assets is through an irrevocable trust. This is a trust where you are the beneficiary of all the assets within, meaning you do not own them and creditors cannot take them, but you can still access them. Unfortunately, in most states one cannot setup an irrevocable trust for himself. Nevada, however is an exception to this you can establish a "spendthrift trust" which is essentially an irrevocable trust without being called one. So I converted my franchises and properties into company stock and then moved these stocks into an account in a trust in Nevada.
Now, its the early 2000's about and my company is making slightly more than my salary as physician. So I quit working as a doctor and move full time to manage my company. At this point I was 39 years old and I began to think about marriage. So I began to date seriously. At the time, I had court side tickets to the NBA team in my city so I ended asking out one of the team cheerleaders. She's a total 10/10 bombshell. I thought I was very lucky at the time as she was the most beautiful woman I had ever been with. In retrospect, she was clearly a slut and I beta bucks. She gave birth to our first child 2003 and we got married in 2003 before she gave birth. However, before our wedding and before even setting the date I had seen my parents divorce, my brother get divorced, and several friends so I was wary. I consulted a an attorney and we drew up a prenup. At this time I was already very wealthy especially after investing prudently after the dotcom bubble popped. I had a net worth in the mid 8 figures and profits were well into the seven figures, most of it was already protected in my Nevada trust. The prenup stipulated that she would get $250,000 for every child and $100,000 for each year of marriage she was only making 30K a year so I was being generous. The prenup was signed before we even set the date and we both has separate representation. Also, the signing was videotaped with a retired judge mediating so it was clear there was no coercion. My paranoia ended up paying off later on.
Fast forward several years, it is 2009 and we have one more kid born in 2004. Our sex life has tapered off quite a bit. It is not nearly deadbedroom, but it is only duty sex twice a month. She often would use sex to manipulate me. I had become quite depressed. I had put on a lot of weight due stress. I had lost about half my net worth in the recession and to see all that vanish after years of work was awful. To compound this I find out that my wife has been cheating on me guy. I believe his kids were several years older than mine at the school they went to. I thought about what to do. My girls were my mine concern and I didn't want to risk losing them at such a young age. I was also worried about confronting my wife. I was angry at my wife, the world, her affair partner. I had done everything I was supposed to do and I was losing a lot of money and my wife was cheating on me. I have always been a vindictive SOB so I plotted my way out of the situation. Most of my anger was directed to the dude. Suprisingly, he worked at the time at a company that supplied a lot of the stuff to hotels. I called the company up and they fired him. Keep in mind this was during the midst of the recession. The guy lost his job, got divorced, lost kids, and from what I know now lives in a shitty apartment. It was shitty what I did, but I don't regret it. As far as I know my wife didn't cheat on me after things ended with the other man. This was a wake up call for me. I started to spend a lot more time with my girls and my relationship with my wife actually improved. However, I knew that long term I could not stay with someone who had cheated on me. So I began to prepare myself financially and emotionally for the divorce. Our house was very expensive and we had joint ownership over it so I was afraid of losing it in a divorce. So I took out two mortgages on it and began to put as many of our expenses as possible into credit card debt. My businesses had returned to profitability. I could have taken a much larger salary than I did. However, I kept it artificially low so that when I filed for divorce possible child support would be calculated from a lower income.
Fast forward to 2015. My girls are a bit older and I've been spending a lot more time with them and have been really enjoying it which actually surprised me. My wife and I now only have sex once a month and whenever I don't do what I want she just gets horrible and nasty, worst things I've ever heard. Men who've been in a bad marriage I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. So I finally file for divorce. As I expected she would do my wife tries to challenge the prenup and go for half my stuff. By this time my net worth had fully recovered so she would have gotten just a massive payout. Luckily, the prenup was pretty solid. And I also had a little bit of leverage. The debt which was considered both of ours that was accumulated. Our lawyers negotiated that she wouldn't challenge the prenup as long as I get all of the debt. I could wipe it out in a year if I wanted to so I readily agreed. So in exchange for the 12/13 years of marriage she got $1,300,000 plus $500,000 for our two girls this ended up being around 3% of my net worth. Due to all the time I spent with my girls we ended up getting 50/50 custody no child support.
Fast forward to today. I end up having my girls most of the time as their mother is off slutting/partying around. I think she felt she ended her youth to early. Our daughters have lost respect for her, which in truth does hurt because I will always feel something for their mother. Luckily though, I have a long term girlfriend who sets a fine example for my daughters. After my divorce I started lifting and I am truly the captain now so to say. I anticipate having to pay my wife in the future though to stay until my girls are 18 because she has almost already gone through the settlement from what I have heard.
-Spend A LOT of time with your kids 1. You'll love it 2. It'll help you in custody battles -Obviously get a prenup 1. Have it signed before the date is set 2. Separate lawyers 3. Signing is videotaped with a mediator present -Use trusts to protect yourself-If you have a friend or brother your trust a lot you can both setup irrevocable trusts for each other -Don't be a beta bucks. I was out of shape for much of the time and was not physically attractive to women. A good standard I now have is would childhood me look up to who I am now or want me as a dad?
Good luck men, any questions I'll do my best to answer