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Rant/VentingToday I ended my LTR (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by omonicor

I was with the girl for a year when she cheated. I was living with her, so you know the story. I felt like shit and get depressed. I kick her out of my house and then she begged to return but I ghosted her.

I played the ghost for a while but during that time I felt very destroyed and slowly returned to normal until she appeared and said how "seriously" she was apologized.

I was still struggling with oneitis when she appeared, so I was still addicted to her and I gave her an "opportunity".

Fast forward half a year, I recovered from oneitis and today I ended the LTR with her. I said: "I found out that I don't feel good around you because it always reminds me about your cheating, so I want to be ok and I want to end this."

She replied with: "You're so selfish and you think only in yourself, I don't understand this. What about me? All this time didn't matter? So why did you give me an opportunity? For this? There's someone else? ...." and so on.

She made a ton of drama and tried to make me feel guilty, but honestly brothers I feel very great and feel a lot of relief. I realized I was doing too much damage to myself and wasn't able to let the past go.


[–]sendme5seewhathappen points points [recovered]

She replied with: "You're so selfish

Ah yea, okay. That line from her would have made me feel so confident with my decision. Good for you man, you're turning the pages now. This is your story, where you go and what you do next is totally up to you.

[–]omonicor[S] 147 points148 points  (5 children)

It indeed made me very confident about it. Great feeling. And yes I have big dreams to make real.

[–]aigamithite 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I heard the exact same line yesterday. Stick to your dreams; let the rest crumble while you build.

[–]EmperorofEarf 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Yea, anytime you make a decision for the betterment of YOUR life, yea, it is selfish. That's the point. You're taking care of you, which must be done first and foremost in a relationship. Women love to believe that their needs come first. That's what society has told you. If taking care of your own happiness is selfish, then I am going to be a selfish fuck every day.

[–]omonicor[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Agree with you totally man. I'm going to be selfish forever.

I fell for society's crap but I woke up.

[–]StarkAtheist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ultimately??

Only YOU can take care of you.

Doing what is best for you IS selfish.

Well done.

[–]Acquin 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Remember: It is never a woman's fault. Hamsters gonna hamster. I've learned the hard way.

[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself 65 points66 points  (5 children)

Another favorite from a cheating girl is "why are you doing this to us?"

[–]omonicor[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

They simply don't know about remorse or self-awareness. That's very impressive.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My answer is always,"because I'm an asshole" shuts then up pretty good

[–]1ozaku7 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My favorites are everything that turns her into a hypocrite. Had a cheating ex that begged for forgiveness. I forgave and then fucked another girl within a week. She was all like "How could you!!!". I like fair play.

[–]Roaring40sUK 2 points3 points  (1 child)

"why are you doing this to us?"

"why are you doing this to us ME?"

[–]canuckmai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish someone made an RP version of that fucking buzzfeed-level video going around about the "Guy-talk translator"

[–]bigk12345 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I got that line too.

That is just their own projection.

The funny thing is it is her solipsism talking and she is selfish because women are incapable of looking at it from the point of view of her man.

[–]RedPillFusion 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You're so selfish.

The irony is so thick, yet it will never even occur to her.

[–]dmcindc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Non-selflessness ≠ Selfish

[–]ThePwnter points points [recovered]

"You're so selfish"

Your response to that one line should have been:

"BITCH I didn't go and sleep with someone, now get the fuck out of my house."

[–]FuckboyAWALT 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Nah he shouldn't respond at all to that line!

Reaction + attention is what she wants don't feed her let her starve and hold your frame.

Making her feel that there is no scarcity for you will damage her the most.

[–]omonicor[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This!

This situation made me learn very clear what frame and what abundance mentality are.

She is very destroyed indeed. Removing granted attention is what they hate the most.

I'm not ghosting her again, I'm just indifferent about her.

[–]Late30sMasculist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Making her feel that there is no scarcity for you will damage her the most.

"Damaging her" should not even enter into the decision. You don't win life points damaging your ex-girlfriend for your own satisfaction.

[–]beta_no_mo 350 points351 points  (41 children)

"You're so selfish" is exactly the play my ex-wife of 15 years tries to still use on me for the end of our marriage. She fucked another dude with my kids in the next room while I was overseas, but I'm selfish for not just getting over it, basically.

[–]beam_me_up2017 points points [recovered]

Stay strong brother, I'm glad you're out. Just don't get married again, rings don't plug holes so there's no benefit of marriage for men. AWALT is the truest law I've ever seen in human relations.

[–]Dokkobro 29 points30 points  (2 children)

rings don't plug holes is the best use of subtle paradox in a metaphor I've heard in a while. I bet it's been around but that echoed with me. I've been trying to talk to my buddy about his fiancé who just cheated on him and that's major.

[–]JoeModz 26 points27 points  (1 child)

For the sports fans, "Just because there is a goalie in the net does not mean you cannot score."

[–]stlouisraiders 4 points5 points  (0 children)

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[–]omonicor[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

It is the best decision one can do. It makes you recover your self-esteem and confidence instantly. Never take cheaters back. Life lesson learned.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I'm selfish for not just getting over it, basically.

That's exactly it. You nailed it.

[–]1swaglordobama 32 points33 points  (22 children)

Women have a different view of cheating than men. For women emotional investment in another person is what true cheating is, not just casual sex with a partner that they don't care about.

They aren't wrong.

For us guys it's quite the opposite because if our partner is fucking around we could end up raising someone elses kid, and we usually do if we're playing the boring stable provider role.

[–]omonicor[S] 31 points32 points  (4 children)

She asked me if there is someone else. She is spinning that hamster with turbo.

[–]dontbedenied 3 points4 points  (3 children)

My ex is also convinced there is another woman...she can't accept that I broke up with her because I was unhappy with her. Which is fucked up because prior to me she was in a relationship/"in love with" with a married guy. So she's cool with being another dude's mistress but can't handle me hypothetically finding another woman. Go figure.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Wow, how would you call that in psychological terms? Cognitive dissonance? Denial? Stupidness? Unawareness? Sociopathy?

[–]equilibrium57 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably cognitive dissonance

[–]boogerboy23 points points [recovered]

I don't understand your statement, so what if you are getting the emotional investment but not the pussy?

[–]4BiddenLove 12 points13 points  (7 children)

Then you've become her little time boy..as referenced above, the most valuable thing a woman can gain from a relationship is your time, and if she's giving pussy elsewhere then you're her time HO! You're her "lets go shopping" HO, her "I feel crappy and need someone to vent to" HO and her "come to when things go sour" HO. If you're familiar with the functionalities of a brother, simply compare relations.

[–]boogerboy23 points points [recovered]

Wow that's so gay, she called me bro yesterday. So this is making a lot of sense right now. Didn't think anything of it at the time though

[–]4BiddenLove 9 points10 points  (3 children)

This status is commonly referred to as the "Friend Zone" do yourself a favor and get rid of her. When she asks to hang out or talk tell her str8 up that you have an attraction towards her and it wouldn't be appropriate for you to partake in these actions anymore. She'll call u selfish or something along the lines. Disregard it with a "yeah. I gotta go".

[–]boogerboy23 points points [recovered]

Yeah I am approaching that point just trying to do it without actually saying it because she gets scared from straight forward stuff and will def decline but if there is a plausible deniability it's more likely it would work in my favor. for example last time we chilled we were a lot closer physically, that's what I've been aiming to do. I'll keep slowly escalating for now but just want u to know that it isn't my plan to be in this position forever since I'm really attracted to her and I don't like having my emotions played with

[–]4BiddenLove 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The very fact that you are afraid of "taking an L" is going to hurt you. You need to drop her. She's just not interested bro if you do what I said, she may decline but that's the point! Being ready to take an L means you have options

[–]canuckmai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Patrice... I always loved you

[–]schizoBrother points points [recovered]

They aren't wrong.

Yes they are. Unless you are investing in her frame, where sex is currency and casual sex not utilized for currency is meaningless. Fuck that, my frame says sex is why I'm invested in the relationship in the first place. Not to mention your second point which is directly related to sex and not "emotional investments". Geez.

[–]1swaglordobama 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You're only in a relationship for sex, that makes me lol... You will get more sex from being single. You should enter a relationship because you like spending time with a specific girl.

[–]chinawinsworlds 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Then why would they care if I fuck others girls? It's just because I like to see new bodies and fuck new people. One girl is boring, no matter what.

Women should be faithful because of the risk of cuckoldry, but men having several sex partners is just positive.

[–]1swaglordobama 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Well that's the thing, they can get over casual sex with strangers if there isn't emotional investment involved.

The why comes down to differences in biology and sexual strategy. A woman need the best seed she can get for her offspring. She also needs the a stable partner to raise that child with. From her standpoint, the most high risk, high reward play is to get the sperm from a high status male, but have her child raised by a low status male (who won't leave her). Hence why emotional investment from her main partner is very important. If he is not emotionally invested, he won't stick around to raise her offspring. Casual sex with other partners is just her best bet for getting good offspring. Dick is abundant, but good dick is scarce.

As men, on the other hand, we risk little to nothing by having sex with other partners. In fact, we're meant to impregnate multiple women and have our sperm compete with the sperm of other men to fertilize their eggs.

Get over your ego; a woman has no reason to be faithful any more than you do as a male. In fact, she probably has less of a reason, lol. Monogamy is a farce.

[–]canuckmai 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It's weird because I can't see how a woman can physically cheat on someone if there is no emotional attraction, seeing as how emotions are what causes a man to look hot to a woman.

[–]1swaglordobama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emotional investment and emotional attraction are not the same.

Emotional attraction comes from spiking a girls emotions (positive and negative, though I mostly prefer positive), creating drama, exciting plotlines, etc.

Emotional investment is akin to falling in love with another person; emotional attachment. You would be emotionally impacted if the relationship went sour.

Think juggling multiple LTRs VS one LTR and banging random chicks on the side.

[–]Skyyacht points points [recovered]

Yep, good ol' Jody. Got my girl too, but joke's on that motherfucker now that he has twins to pay child support for.

[–]beta_no_mo 7 points8 points  (6 children)

The best part? He was 26 and still lived with his mom.

If that won't kill a man's ego, I don't know what will

[–]reckful994 12 points13 points  (5 children)

I live with my parents and I'm 23. I take care of them and pay the bills- in many cultures you only move out when you start a family of your own, and even then, you don't go far.

You'll miss them when they're gone. It's only pathetic when its done out of necessity.

[–]beta_no_mo 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Are you the one who fucked my wife?

[–]reckful994 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I wouldn't fuck a a guy's wife if her husband was a) in the military b)had kids. As to the first point, those who serve deserve that smallest modicum of respect. As to the second, I don't want to contribute the breaking up of a family cause it'll be the kids who hurt the most.

So definitely not.

[–]beta_no_mo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then I guess I wasn't talking about you.

[–]schizoBrother points points [recovered]

That's vastly different because you're doing an honorable thing out of respect. If the parent dweller referenced above is an American it more than likely means he's a lazy dipshit leeching off his parents.

[–]1swaglordobama 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Majority of millenials are not making enough to move out and live on their own. In many cases where they do move out in their 20s it's because parents are providing financial support. There is a major overeducation problem in our country. You have to think outside of the box, destroy your ego, and take risks to get ahead, and that mentality doesn't jive with the snowflake generation.

[–]Billymazee 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That sucks to hear; at least now you can spend more time focusing on being the best father to your kids

[–]ChildhoodChores 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow are you fucking kidding...

[–]beam_me_up2017 points points [recovered]

She cheats and calls you selfish. The hamster doth spin fast with this one, OP.

[–]omonicor[S] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

I know. I knew some fast hamsters but nothing as fast as this one.

[–]untonyto 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This hamster holds the record

[–]shitwiththatass 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love how you phrased this.

[–]JohnnyCocktails93 55 points56 points  (9 children)

Good shit man. A toxic LTR is like a narcotic. Nothing like the rush when things are going well but eventually you have to know where to draw the line before it takes over your life.

Best of luck to you as your reclaim your headspace and improve yourself.

[–]JustHornyLoser points points [recovered]

right in the point. I'm currently in 6 months LTR and my gf started giving me a lot of shit for little things like going to mcdonalds for half an hour after important exam (we're 19). I decided this is it, altough its fucking tough I'm going to break up today, already have her stuff packed. I have not to think about good times with her cause then I may not be able to leave her (totally like narcotic).

[–]DarkAges1 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Sounds like the right choice. It would only get worse from there. Do it be "relationship free."

[–]JustHornyLoser points points [recovered]

I actually just did it, she was begging and telling it was all her fault and she will get better. Funny is when I spoke to her about her behavior earlier she insisted it was all my fault. Also, she says I can go with her on trip to Italy anyway (we planned it), we will just get separate beds.

[–]DarkAges1 6 points7 points  (2 children)

You aren't going on the trip, right?!?

[–]Dokkobro 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Please for the love of everything good and holy do not go to Mafialand with crazy bitch.

[–]omonicor[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Reclaiming your space and time is the best recovering system I have never known before. Very much thanks to TRP for this.

You have to be wise to not let other people take your life from you.

[–]aanarchist 6 points7 points  (1 child)

it's important to understand why you crave those highs and lows and to master your emotions so that you don't feel compelled to seek it.

[–]omonicor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's something I learned in this last half year. Being aware of my emotions has helped me making better decisions.

I understand now that's to live in the present moment. Constantly being aware about your reactions and monitoring them so you can think differently and act differently.

[–]TheNaBr 90 points91 points  (8 children)

You're actually nice, not wasting her biological clock time. You're a saint.

[–]beam_me_up2017 points points [recovered]

Certainly did nicer by her than she did to him.

[–]TheNaBr 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Agreed, doesn't sound like she was nice to him, but I'm also a firm believer that only the people involved in a relationship really understand what that relationship is.

[–]omonicor[S] 26 points27 points  (4 children)

I thought the same. I'm doing her a favor actually.

[–]TheNaBr 20 points21 points  (3 children)

By giving yourself a chance, you've given her one too.

Of course, for disclosure, I'm fully married with a family. My dad told me that the 18 month mark was where you need to get to before you make any long term decision to be with a woman.

[–]omonicor[S] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

When you love yourself, instantly you're loving others by respecting your individuality and theirs.

Great advice from your father.

[–]TheNaBr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck going forward. If you felt great breaking up, it was the right decision. Don't look back.

[–]strider17111992 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But he did waste her biological clock. He took her back and wasted both of their time by making the wrong decision. I understand her anger in this situation.

[–]Lotus_towers 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Here's why you have onenitis, you are trying to rationalize why she did it, why she betrayed you.

The first thing to do is accept that is her nature and you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Or a wife in general.

Secondly, I commend you for breaking things but I think you shouldn't have taken her back after ghosting her.

Thirdly, fuck that bitch and her "youre so selfish" betamale shaming attempt, she was selfish enough to forget you when she cheated. She will do it again if you take her back, except this time she'll make it hard for you to find out.

Think of her as a lesson well learnt, now toss that garbage of an ex out of your house and hit the gym. Good luck OP!

[–]omonicor[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Exactly. That's where the oneitis came from; from feeling responsible for her betrayal.

I learned a great life lesson. Thank God I found TRP early in life. Other way I would have taken her "selfish" words seriously.

Thanks!

[–]suske127 35 points36 points  (2 children)

When she said, "you're so selfish" you know right away you made a good decision. A woman should never disrespect you that way when you leave her, she should be upset; she was likely to cheat again.

I'm sorry to hear it but I'm happy for you brother! Keep growing and find a better gal for the next LTR. Glad you're happy and feel better!

[–]untonyto 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Well spotted. Her reaction was all wrong.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is very upset she wrote me.

I'm very happy too man, now I know happiness is a choice.

Thanks.

[–]trp_angry_dwarf 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Fast forward 6 months and she'll want to "catch up over drinks".

[–]omonicor[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes. That was exactly what she did when she reappeared. But I was pretty much a subhuman in that time.

[–][deleted] 69 points70 points  (4 children)

For those of us confused* by OP's ex's reaction:

Women value emotional fidelity, men value actual fidelity. Unfortunately women are incapable of understanding this due to solipsism.

*all 2 of you

[–]omonicor[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I learned how very easy is to fake relationships or commitment with women. Fake seriousness with no emotional attachment.

[–]e-mess 8 points9 points  (2 children)

That would allow men to bang other chicks unless they get emotionally involved (that is, without being disloyal to their wives).

Unfortunately, this is a moment when women suddenly value actual fidelity.

[–]NihilistMonkey[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Speak for yourself, the past several LTRs of mine have either been cool with it or at least begrudgingly accepting. You just can't start the relationship off being one person and try to become someone else in the middle of it. It works because they knew what they were getting into when they signed up for a LTR with me. There was no misdirection. You will never have as much leverage as when a woman wants to be yours but you haven't committed to them.

[–]StinkyDogFarts 18 points19 points  (1 child)

"you're so selfish" is what super selfish people like to throw out there

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree and now I can see very different with brand new glasses.

[–]aanarchist 16 points17 points  (1 child)

good job saying no to being host to a parasite

[–]omonicor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, best recovering system I have learned in life.

[–]Modredpillschool 14 points15 points  (1 child)

First of all, this is great reason why I never moved in with a girl, because it leaves you with a lot less options when it comes time to end it. Make sure she has her own place, even if she sleeps over a lot.

Secondly, congrats on leaving the LTR. I have just recently had a similar experience and I will tell you that when you've got oneitis, it hurts a lot. But you'll look back at the new freedom you have and reminisce about this experience in the future.

[–]omonicor[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you man. True freedom is emotional freedom. And I agree moving in with a girl is very risky and emotionally dangerous for a man.

She returned to her mother house. So she will be ok.

[–]Mr_Talent 10 points11 points  (2 children)

You're so selfish and you think only in yourself

She cheats and you're selfish... because fuck logic!

[–]e-mess 5 points6 points  (1 child)

When did logic have any value to women?

[–]Frenetic_Zetetic 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Congrats, OP! Now, wait for her to text you in 12 weeks asking to "catch up", "grab lunch", or "get drinks".

STAND YOUR GROUND!

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man.

Now I know this tactic, I'm not even wasting time and energy to reply on that when it comes.

[–]Shakydrummer 5 points6 points  (1 child)

If they either blame you, or blame it on being confused or sad or something equally as stupid, you're making the right decision. There may be bad days that bring up old emotions so always remember why you made the choice you did and stand firm in it. Good on you man.

[–]omonicor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks man.

I'll be prepared for any bad day that may appear. Now I feel very great and confident. Learning to say no is one of the most important things for a man.

[–]GreatMenderTeapill 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Go get a haircut, lift, get some sun. Go to a social place near you with your head held high. It will be a faint memory soon my man.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much man, it'll certainly be faint very soon.

[–]Throwawaysteve123456 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Man you're a real selfish guy OP.

[–]comptejete 4 points5 points  (2 children)

All this time didn't matter?

Aside from being a sunk cost fallacy, the first corollary of Briffault's Law is clear on her perspective:

"Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association."

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So that really applies both ways. Very nice.

[–]LawBot2016 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The parent mentioned Sunk Cost. Many people, including non-native speakers, may be unfamiliar with this word. Here is the definition:(In beta, be kind)


In economics and business decision-making, a sunk cost is a cost that has already been incurred and cannot be recovered. Sunk costs (also known as retrospective costs) are sometimes contrasted with prospective costs, which are future costs that may be incurred or changed if an action is taken. Both retrospective and prospective costs may be either fixed (continuous for as long as the business is in operation and unaffected by output volume) or variable (dependent on volume) costs. However, many economists consider it a mistake to classify sunk ... [View More]


See also: Corollary | Behavioral Economics | Retrospective | Installation | Continuous | Profitability

Note: The parent poster (comptejete or omonicor) can delete this post | FAQ

[–]patpend 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"There's someone else?" based on zero evidence.

Huge red flag her mindset is you cheating is somehow a more reasonable conclusion for the breakup than her cheating.

[–]omonicor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. That's a big warning.

[–]mr_nepotism 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Good on you brother. Women like that only tend to stick around until something "better" comes along, and then they're gone! She's a hypocrite in every sense of the meaning.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I also learned this from her family, particularly her mother, aunts and female cousins but the males are trash also.

[–]SpecOpsAlpha 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Glad you weren't married and there weren't any kids involved. Move on and don't give up on having a good LTR.

[–]Psychocist 2 points3 points  (1 child)

don't give up on having a good LTR

This place has turned me extremely sour towards the idea of a healthy LTR. Is it just the bias because all the crappy LTRs come to the surface here?

I just got out of a shitty LTR so am taking time out for myself, but I wouldn't mind actually experiencing a healthy one.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank God for that. She was starting to talk about marriage in front of my friends and her family. Huge red flag.

[–]ChooseWisely72 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm selfish??? You cheated you fucking goddamn slut! Did you do it for someone else or yourself? Fuck off you hypocritical bitch. YOU destroyed what I felt for you, no one else. Go find someone else to treat like shit. Hope you get cheated on too so you know how it feels cunt.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I stayed with my gf until she cheated AGAIN. You didnt even give your girl a CHANCE to cheat on you again, AND you totally took control of the situation. THEREFORE, you were more alpha in your actions than i was in a similar situation

[–]BaffoStyle 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You did well. Your feeling good with yourself and your pride are more valuable than a girl

[–]justicecantakeanap 2 points3 points  (1 child)

well done op, onwards and upwards

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Good on you for choosing to not be her little cuck boi.

[–]omonicor[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thanks! I feel very great with myself for this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should, man! Now that you're the sort of person who wouldn't put up with this crap you won't have to take it. ;)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

She is the selfish one. She willingly took off her clothes and let another man pound her pussy (while probably screaming his name, etc), all while in a relationship with you.

I'm glad you ended it.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you man. There's no worth in wasting time like that.

[–]iOSvista 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I went through the same exact thing only she never admitted to it despite having caught her red handed in a huge lie about where she was. After 3 months she wriggled her way back in. 6 months later I still couldn't believe her or move on and quietly died a little more everytime I kissed her. Eventually I broke up, but long after leaving her emotionally

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly the same situation. You never get over the cheating. Better to end it once and for all.

It took me half a year luckily to realize this.

[–]1StuttBuffer 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That's almost the exact same series of events as my last LTR. Getting out of that jealous mindfuck of a situation was a tough choice but probably the smartest desicion I've ever made.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was just a few hours ago but I already know it was the best decision.

[–]Cunt_Robber 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Hey OP, wanted you to know youre not alone. I did the same thing with my LTR and had to take a year to recover from the shit she put me through. Sometimes you have to learn these things the hard way. Valuable lessons don't come cheap. So much of your post resonates with me that I wanted to let you know you did the right thing for yourself.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man. I appreciate your words. This made me feel very confident again.

[–]NikoMyshkin 2 points3 points  (2 children)

There's never, ever any chance of recovery from cheating. Once you internalise this, its consequences show in your behaviour and on your very face. There's no need to even say it.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

True. Once you internalize it you know is up to you from now on.

[–]NikoMyshkin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

also, only a low value man would be cuck enough to take back a woman who has shown such severe disrespect as cheating.

and what woman would want a man like that?

cheating = signalling permanent loss of respect

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It really really irks me that women will cheat on their man and then claim the man is being selfish.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

She didn't fuck up. She's a female and for all intents and purposes lacks moral agency. You fucked up when you became exclusive with her and moved in with her. Promising exclusivity and living with a female is not advisable to an alpha male. Learn and profit.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very much this. Moving in is the worst decision I've ever made. Life lesson learned.

[–]KnightOperator 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'm sorry to hear welcome back

[–]Roaring40sUK 2 points3 points  (2 children)

You have done the right thing.

Leaving aside whether an LTR is a good thing or not, once she has cheated, the Genie is out of the bottle. It will happen again at some point.

Once you break through Oneitis, you will be stonger for it.

What about me?

This, that's all she was ever thinking about... herself.

[–]Rakosnik 0 points1 point  (1 child)

that "what about me" shit is classic.

the other day i met my ex who broke up with me 3 years ago after a 5 year LTR. We talked a bit and i could see she was pissed the whole time we talked. Than she bursted out like she has never forgiven me (never cheated on her i just became a beta pussy in that LTR with oneitis) and that she still feels like i never got to really knew her during those five years.

I laughed at her quite hard. Told her that it is her problem for not being able to forgive. Like theres something to forgive on her part. Than i said youre right i never knew you and no longer want. Felt so great.

[–]Roaring40sUK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, they come out with all sorts of shit to justify thier behaviour.. all you can do is laugh..

[–]tallwheel 4 points5 points  (3 children)

It goes without saying (and I'm sure you don't need anyone to tell you) but you should have broken up the moment you learned of her cheating. At least next time you will know better than to ever give a cheater a second chance.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I did broke up with her and ghosted her. But we both know oneitis is no good for a man. Never again I'll do it again. Life lesson learned.

[–]czmtzc points points [recovered]

Hopefully you are immune to oneitis now!

[–]Wakinhuakin 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I understand the "you're selfish" being a hypocrisy. But she's not completely wrong either. You gave her an opportunity like she said, and she thought that is you guys moving forward. I guess the point is, don't get back together with your exes.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Sometimes it's too hard to forgive someone for past congruences. It's better this way. She knew what she got into when you guys got back together, that it was about giving it another chance, don't cry if the result is unexpected.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the logic I thought. A chance is a chance, there's no black or white. But you never know what hamsters will throw at you.

[–]nantucketghost 1 point2 points  (1 child)

deleted What is this?

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would no life man. I appreciate your words.

[–]Hjalmbere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good call. Move on with your life.

[–]pherislore points points [recovered]

Continue with your journey and realise that you don't "NEED" any woman. All the best with the future!

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I've already realized it.

[–]kaptsea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go listen to Die my darling and celebrate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoolQUDWq-k

[–]BusterVadge 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You did the right thing.

She replied with: "You're so selfish and you think only in yourself, I don't understand this. What about me? All this time didn't matter? So why did you give me an opportunity? For this? ...." and so on.

She should have thought of that when she opened up her legs for another cock. I'm sure she wasn't being selfish at all then.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They don't know about accountability, it's sad but better to accept things as they are.

[–]henry589 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Even pre-trp isn't it logical to leave your LTR if she cheats on you??

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

It is, but oneitis is no good for a man.

[–]henry589 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yea but you knew she cheated on you?? Wouldn't that have gotten rid of her oneitis status or where you in the phase of we will work this through it was a mistake state??

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Not that phase, but I was gaslighted and fell for it.

[–]henry589 0 points1 point  (0 children)

next time if you ever consider another LTR, screen better. That is if you ever decide to go into one again.

[–]TehJimmyy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So why did you give me an opportunity?

She's kinda right. Next time dont loot the trash. Good luck on your journey.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man. I know I made a mistake looting the trash, but I learned that very well.

[–]that_italia_guy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The "what about me" comment she said grinds my gears.

[–]JTTRad 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Advice bomb: Take a month or two away from 'getting out there'. Hit the gym, get your diet straight, lay off booze, live quite frugally. As summer begins to peak you'll be in better shape, more confident and more money... Then you can 'get out there'. Don't be tempted to go back, happens to the best of us.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This advice is gold. Thank you very much.

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 1 point2 points  (1 child)

IF she cheats once she'll do it again. Good for you, man!

[–]El_Shakiel 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I dont understand how this brings value to this sub but cool for you nontheless

[–]schizoBrother points points [recovered]

Because for the girl, sex has little value other than manipulation. Since she cheated on a whim instead of using it as currency she thinks it's no big deal.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the insights bro, very interesting point of view.

[–]5t3fan0 1 point2 points  (1 child)

its so nice to see a happy tale among all the other depressing or blood-boiling stories.... good on you OP, good luck and thanks for posting this

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks to you man. I appreciate your words very much.

[–]newName543456 1 point2 points  (1 child)

"I found out that I don't feel good around you because it always reminds me about your cheating, so I want to be ok and I want to end this."

TMI to be honest.

Next time just give her generic excuse like "it's not working out", "I don't think you're the one I am looking for" or something vague like that. Or even what you said, but cut off everything from "because" onwards.

Remember: you don't owe her an explanation.

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent advice. Thank you.

[–]redman128 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Same story. Same discussions. I blocked her everywhere, called her names and she still tries to get back. Everyday I feel blessed I didn't engage in something binding like marriage or even worse kids. Still young with bright career and many chicks in front of me. ;) Get your lessons and move on.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thanks man.

I feel very blessed and I pray for all the great gods out there that I didn't make any stupid decision besides moving in with her.

[–]redman128 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please don't ever make contact with this girl. She sounds like the worst type out there. If you ever do post here so we can change your mind.

[–]SheWantsTheDan 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Linger on this thread every once and a while reading some of the things. Honestly, this is a great post man. A lot of the shit on here seems to have some kind of hate lingering to it, but it's refreshing to just read about someone just trying to pursue their own happiness without some kind of demeanor being attached to it..

[–]omonicor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man. Glad to know guys like you appreciate what I have to say.

[–]wasabichilifireworks 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You made the right choice IMO. Giving a cheater a second chance is inviting it to happen again. Once that boundary has been crossed, there is a high probability it will happen again if the circumstances are right.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Besides that, you never get over it and you only hurt yourself more.

[–]stlouisraiders 1 point2 points  (1 child)

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]zayelion 2 points3 points  (4 children)

She replied with: "You're so selfish

Can someone explain that reasoning (non-reasoning)?

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hamsters don't accept responsibility for their actions.

Ex. When was the last time you heard a guy say "It just happened" about banging a chick? Never. Girls, OTOH, have a lot more "accidental" sex. Like guys skip on banana peels and it's like, "Whoops! I just stuck my cock in another one! Fifth time this week! Damn those banana peels!"

[–]untonyto 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Tried to shame him into cancelling the break up

[–]Dragon_Garoo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Simple. He was thinking of what's best for him, and not her. To women, anything that's not pedastalizing her, taking complete and utter care of her needs, whilst ignoring what's good for you, is 'selfish'. I've had this thrown at me many times. Admittedly, sometimes I am being selfish. But other times... very similar situations... But meh. RP taught me to care a lot less.

[–]AudioAssassyn points points [recovered]

Good for you.

lol it's funny how how you're "selfish" for throwing away "all that time", which apparently didn't mean anything to her while she was fucking Chad until his eyes rolled back into his skull.

[–]Herdsengineers 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My ex-wife is a cheater too. She said the exact same shit in her own recipe of word salad. Then when they realize you're not falling for the bullshit anymore, they switch to angry outbursts of varying degrees of severity depending on just how crazy they are.

Better to get rid of them instantly when we catch them cheating. Fuck 'em. Nobody needs that kind of disrespect.

The only ones that are truly sorry are the ones that accept that being dumped is their consequence and simply say their sorry again, and then leave you alone. Nobody is perfect, everyone fucks up, but only the grown ups who have some maturity man-up and accept their consequences gracefully.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, responsible people is accountable for their own mistakes. They accept them and move on.

Hamsters are natural or they are created and supported by society's shit?

[–]cheeseburgerhandy points points [recovered]

You're so selfish and you think only in yourself

so she was fucking someone for your benefit?

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha, hamsters gonna hamster.

[–]1ozaku7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I was with the girl for a year when she cheated.

followed by

"You're so selfish and you think only in yourself, I don't understand this. What about me? All this time didn't matter? So why did you give me an opportunity? For this? There's someone else? ...."

a.k.a. It's okay if I cheat, but not if you cheat. I want all the good feels and none of the bad feels.

Good for you, ditch any chicks that cheats on your ass without question. Or just plate them and fuck others behind their back, let the find out themselves and feel how it is. Might sound selfish, but a chick cheating on you basically gives you a free pass.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true. It really is just a matter of how you think the situation. Learning to command and control your thoughts is a must for a man.

[–]dontbedenied 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Good for you, man. I dumped my girlfriend a few weeks ago because I was uncomfortable with some shit in her past related to fidelity, and I felt like it was only a matter of time before she cheated on me. Plus she had a shitty attitude around me.

She went crazy when I dumped her and continues to harass me and beg me to take her back. Lots of drama and guilt, like your ex. I took her back once in the past, but not this time. And man, it feels a lot better. I still deal with the irrational feelings of missing her sometimes -- the withdrawal is real, both from an emotional standpoint and a physical standpoint. Maybe you are going through a similar thing. But we're much better off without our exes. Congratulations, amigo.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all man, I'm feeling very great with no withdrawal sense or feeling. I found fulfillment with my inner self.

Thanks amigo, and glad to hear you made the right decision too.

[–]smilingbanana points points [recovered]

Sounds like she has narcissistic tendencies and you were here enabler. Your ghosting was probably just a desperate act of codependent. Seems like you were not too deep in a rabbit hole.

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You mean a desperate act of codependence from me? Explain further please.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Forgive her and yourself. Now you know their nature, and realize it was you all along who should have made the decisive decision to end things rather than cling on to your sunken investment at the one year mark. Taking her back caused needless suffering for you both.

[–]FurrowBeard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's that classic female narcissism. She thinks she deserves to be forgiven for an unforgivable act. Nay, she feels entitled to it.

You did the right thing man, good work.

[–]HappyMexican 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"You're so selfish and you think only in yourself, I don't understand this. What about me? All this time didn't matter? So why did you give me an opportunity? For this? There's someone else? ...."

That is a hard thing to hear and still stick to your guns. Bully on you for being true to yourself.

You may feel better now, but only thing I will add is a warning. A warning that you will want to rebound very badly. It will be 11 pm on a Saturday night and you have no plans. You are going to be sitting at home alone. Just gone done working out, or working on a project to better yourself. You will start imagining her being alone (or worse), and you will want her back. It will ache, burn, twist inside you. Not calling her will be your true test, and you may fail a couple of times. These thoughts will make you feel pathetic, worthless and like a loser. Just realize its OK. Your brain is fucking with you. Making things much worse then they are. Every celebrity down to every Hobo has been alone and broken-hearted on a Saturday night. It's apart of the life experience.

Hold Strong

[–]TheRealYekke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good move, burn her shit on the way out

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Before i forget to ask, does "ghosting" mean ignore?

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yes. Ignore, disappear from her life.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, thats what i figured, just wanted to make sure. But good for you for "ghosting" her selfish ass

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

But anyways, she deserved every bit of it. Im alpha AF and i let a girl do the same thing to me...until she cheated again...but your story is even more alpha. You let karma do all the work

[–]omonicor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even more alpha? Why is that? Explain further please.

[–]SoulRedemption -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Something's off about this post....however, congrats on figuring out what you want and being able to make decisions to achieve that.

I suppose it's the way you used the terminology....doesnt gel...

[–]omonicor[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I'm a non native speaker, maybe is that.

[–]SoulRedemption 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Possible. Anyways, keep at your journey