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If You Don't Like Her Past Then Leave (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1studentsensei

Don't like that your LTR has an N count of 20? 30? Etc? Then leave.

Found out that your LTR used to sell her body for coke? Then leave.

Don't like that your LTR has been to jail? Then leave.

Don't like that your LTR had a train ran on her in high school? Then leave.

Don't even like that your LTR confided in you that she had a passing thought to sell herself for extra tuition money? Then leave.

You are not obligated to stay with someone whose past makes you uncomfortable. If you ever told your LTR why you were leaving however, she'll call you "insecure" and say that "the past is the past why can't we move on?" It's simple, we as humans are prone to recognizing patterns, this includes patterns of behaviors. You don't want to be with someone who you feel will be predisposed to reckless, impulsive behavior. It's hard for you to recognize your LTR as a support system if she has never truly supported any man in her life.

She may be right, she may have genuinely changed, she may have looked deep within herself and tried to reprogram herself just for you, but still the fact remains if it bothers you too much then do you both a favor and walk away. Let her be with someone who is completely comfortable with her past.

Remember that if you choose to walk away do NOT explain yourself. You owe her no explanation. If you must feel the need to say something, say that you aren't happy with her. That's it.


[–]TunedtoPerfection 259 points260 points  (32 children)

Men need to decide this stuff BEFORE dating. You should have your boundaries set in your mind before even getting to know her. Do not waiver for anything. It is not selfish, or wrong to have standards for a relationship and hold people accountable for their actions.

[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself 109 points110 points  (14 children)

And in order to do this, a man absolutely MUST master "abundance mentality".

If he hasn't, he'll hamster to himself that it's "not a big deal" and ride the train until the inevitable train wreck (LTR or even marriage).

[–]SanjayMethylPump 45 points46 points  (3 children)

I agree, abundance mentality is key. Too many men I know with scarcity mentality get stuck with abusive or crazy women because they think the pussy they are getting is once in a lifetime matter.

[–]nightmancommeth 35 points36 points  (2 children)

So much easier for a female to see abundance mentality. Even the fatties have orbiters.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Because our species is pussy-centric.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I know. Abundance mentality though isn't a mentality for them. It's a reality. It's a mentality for us because we must perceive things in a manner in order to act in a manner that bring about a self-fulfilling prophecy. They on the other hand don't have to try, bruddah. If they are mildly attractive and want to find a boyfriend they have to really try not to.

[–]Rooibosisboss 8 points9 points  (9 children)

abundance mentality. i know what it's supposed to mean, but I just can't get it. I want to. I just broke up with my girlfriend, LTR, and I can't get over the thought that she was the best and only one for me in terms of her personality alone, the connection we made with humor and the fact the not once did we ever strain for conversation, never an awkward pause.

I'm trying, but the most I ever see about "abundance mentality" are very short descriptions, which I get because it is certainly a simple straightforward concept, but so hard to put in place. I really want to, I feel like I need a more complex answer that can break it down. I hate that because it sounds like I need it spoon fed to me and I guess, maybe I do, because I really want to, I NEED to internalize it. So I guess what I'm asking is not really what it means but how can I go about internalizing it?

[–]DarkuSchneider 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Its never easy and oneitis will forever be a specter on the horizon. You have to understand TRP is poor in hard science and mostly social science. TRP is not the end all be all, just a part of the puzzle. You need to understand the biology of human attraction and bonding. You need to be aware that in under 30 seconds of encountering a woman you really want to get with, because she is breedable by the criteria natures wired you with, a hormone cocktail just got fired into your head that suppresses the logic and reasoning centers of the brain similar to a few beers. The more you spend time with her plus each orgasm releases Oxytocin a hormone that wires your brain to become dependent and crave its source of triggering. When you 'fall in love' you are becoming a drug addict. A woman's tears of sadness once you smell them or get skin contact your Testosterone instantly drops a couple hundred units. This is why all but the most high TS/callous men don't like being around crying women and give in to demands to make it stop. Nature wired men and women to weak to the other under certain criteria so we reproduce sufficiently to survive in nature. Understand nature and remember its tricks when it starts tugging at you and it becomes easier to manage.

[–]ThrowawayNSAAAA 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Like with all things, theory only goes so far in helping you understand a concept - you have to experience "abundance mentality" IRL becoming even close to "internalising it" in any slightest way. I am no where near adopting full abundance mentality but I hope the below helps.

Can see that you're pursuing a sales job so I'll use that example to explain: Imagine you have been pursuing a sales lead for a very long time; you've almost closed the deal with them until they pull out the very last second and sign with another competitor. Demonstrating abundance mentality in this situation is to learn from this situation what you did wrong and continue to pursue other leads - simply because the time you spend wasting on crying over spilt milk is time you could've spent on other leads and clients.

This is the same with relationships and women (men as well). Obviously there is the difference of emotional investment involved, which means that recovery time is a bit longer - but the crux is that you shouldn't be feeling that one single target you had was the ONLY source of revenue/happiness. Relationships (commercial or romantic) break down all the time for different reasons, some may be your fault, some may be the other party's, the only way out is to constantly be improving and fixing yourself.

I suggest committing some time like an hour every day to let your emotions out (watching a sad movie or listening to music) and spending the other time to work out and focusing on your career. Forgetting Sarah Marshall is also a good movie to watch, you'll realise that despite being "soulmates" or w/e there's still a lot of miscommunication between couples.

[–]eat_ass_n_go_fast points points [recovered]

I understand what you're going through. It's being able to see clearly what one girl is doing and not having to second guess yourself for fear of losing action. She is one of many women who can provide that to you. If you're not happy with what she's doing- leave and don't look back.

It's hard to internalize without women, but they come with time and effort. Its if one girl brushes you the wrong way being able to step back and call a spade a spade.

[–]klickclackbang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are a wise man, u/eat_ass_n_go_fast.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Plate spinning. (Re-)read the series of posts about it in the rational male best of year 1

[–]blasted_biscuits 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You have oneitis and it's caused you to become infatuated to ideas in your head. Put her completely out of your head for two months and watch how your opinion of her changes.

[–]Augustuscrassus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

New poster here (lurker for about 8 months now). This dude speaks wisdom.

Had oneitis for a girl who was my best friend, all that stuff. We didn't date, just a lets just be friends thing.

I stopped speaking to her in January after she wouldn't date me and chose another dude (I was never an option to begin with). It was hard as hell at first but after two months or so I looked at her completely differently.

She reached out a few weeks ago to go for coffee and catch up. When we parted ways I felt no desire to see her again because my feelings had entirely dissipated.

I had met her while I hadn't fully internalized TRP and "fell for her." Later learned some stuff about her past didn't like and here I am never wanting to see her again. Just let her go man there's more pussy out there.

[–]PhishPhan700 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Create an online dating profile with reasonably attractive/interesting pictures that show off your interests/looks. Hit up at least 20 women daily. That's a decent way to get some abundance going.

[–]Troll_Name 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This feels like the hard part for most, because feminists set off deafening alarms whenever they sense this in a male.

I get the shakes when I go 16+ hours without good ol' SJW screeching.

[–]whats_the_deal22 19 points20 points  (4 children)

I fucked up so heavily with the last girl I dated. I threw my own standards to the wind and ended up paying for it. I won't be making the same mistake again.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Same. I made a few mistakes, but it was all rooted in me accepting her past against my own better judgement and standards.

[–]whats_the_deal22 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I'm disappointed in myself because I saw the red flags and chose to ignore them. I come here and read stories and examples of BP men and the shitty things women do. It's so easy to sit there and say "I wouldn't put up with a woman like that". This is why you see so many here talking about outcome independence and abundance mentality. Without it you're prone to bad decisions based on availability. And that's exactly what happened to me, I made a bad decision based on having no other options.

[–]ChildhoodChores 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel you brother. A mistake made once is a mistake made out of naivety. A mistake made twice is a decision. Let's use our lessons towards a brighter future. Cheers.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is really important, I agree. Frame should be established prior to dating anyone.

[–]Strike48 points points [recovered]

It's not selfish at all. Plus, women respect the shit out of dudes who have strict guidelines. Women love being told what to do. They love a fucking leader. Be strict, be tough, be a fucking man. You do it your way or she hits the road. We don't compromise and lose frame. She's in your world and not the other way around.

[–]wtf_is_taken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How do you know when to leave if you don't know what you will leave for? Very smart. We have to be willing to think through and know what we want.

[–]dokapon111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women don't always tell you this stuff until after you've been together for a while.

[–]kyledontcare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! Standards. Freakin' standards and boundaries.

[–]dankAir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some of these things are difficult to find out before dating, they may even straight up lie.

[–]tantman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Assuming of course that you find the truth before dating. Getting an accurate history can be very challenging.

[–]GR8AGN 252 points253 points  (61 children)

I think a lot of it has to do with the white knight mentality. "I can save her from her past, with me she can be a different woman". Sorry man, if she's banged 20 guys in the 3 years, your just another number on that list

[–]RPStone 158 points159 points  (42 children)

This is something I didn't understand before TRP. I would date girls with high N-counts, simply because I'm not insecure and it didn't bother me.

Now I only date women with low N-counts and man what a difference in quality.

[–][deleted] 115 points116 points  (13 children)

It's why you can identify a slut simply based on nonsexual behavior. Lies about small stuff and seems to like male attention too much?.....there is no area where a slut is preferred other than in the bed

[–]RememberingAlpha 64 points65 points  (10 children)

you should do a thread on nonsexual behavior that identifies sluts as such.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Maybe. They are more like markers that make it more likely she was a slut slit.

[–]RememberingAlpha 24 points25 points  (1 child)

I'd still be interested. I'm in a satisfactory LTR now, captain first mate relationship- all that fun shit that most people would say "sureeeee you do. Welcome to mental masturbation on TRP".

That said, I still get a sadistic sense of pleasure putting the RP lens on my ex - arguably the biggest sloot I know. But she hid it so well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can do it quickly here.

Imagine the archetype of feminine wholesomeness that respects herself and also those around her, including men.

Every deviation from this is a mark against them.

For instance, does a girl draw attention to herself by talking loudly and about risque topics or by cursing? That's a few marks against them. Observe and see if the aggregate pushes them into a certain category.

Etc.

It is like pornography, hard to define but you know it when you see, partly through experience.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

They're all sluts, in the right situation, amount of alcohol, away from home, etc. AWALT. Low N count or not, they'll do what they can get away with when the mood strikes.

[–]Scymnus 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Not being ticklish would be one.

[–]RememberingAlpha 3 points4 points  (1 child)

actually laughed out loud. Thanks. Needed that today

[–]Scymnus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad to help. Now if you're not here to take it serious get the fuck out.

[–]godfatherchimp 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Once you pick up in those behaviors, you can get a pretty good gauge on a woman if she has a high partner count or not. If she exhibits these behaviors then you can almost guarantee she has a high partner count. If she doesn't exhibit those behaviors, she still may have a high partner count but it's less likely.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, certain behaviors are a sufficient but not necessary observation for deeming sluthood. In other words, the false positive rate for slut deeming is low. If I've decided a girl was likely slutty, I can't remember being proved wrong. However, I have thought a girl likely not slutty and been wrong. So the false negative rate is higher.

What guys should do is think of all the women they know are sluts based upon reputation or observation (not markers) and all the girls they know that very likely aren't based upon direct observation/reputation/gossip.

Each group will have a set of traits that can be distilled down. You can then place women along a gradient based upon comparison. A girl acts just like all the super whores you know? Guess what is likely true of her as well?

[–]mfshit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you go into more detail about this? What is the relationship between promiscuity and negative social behaviors? Does it apply to men?

[–]tmachus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Assuming stds don't bother you.

[–]1Entropy-7 31 points32 points  (5 children)

When I was young and randy my GFs had double-digit N-counts. Now that I have matured, my last several GFs had N-count 3 or less (with one exception).

There is a difference in quality.

[–]ssr401 27 points28 points  (4 children)

N-counts of 3 or less that you know of. Actual numbers may vary.

[–]Strike48 points points [recovered]

Actual N count / 7 = N count given to you.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I thought it was N count x 3? Is the modifier higher at lower (supposed) numbers?

[–]1Entropy-7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to have faith in two things: 1) the person you are with and 2) your own judgment. One can never know these things for sure unless you have been stalking them for the last dozen years or so. Some women are credible and some men are credulous.

But it's not just faith but skills that you can build.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 3 points4 points  (11 children)

I'm curious (comparing notes and all that), but what are the differences you are making out?

[–]Strike48 points points [recovered]

Not the guy you replied to, but I can help. When you date girls who get laid much too often you realize that they have high abundance towards you. They take longer to become attached. This is mostly due to their disatrached issues. Main reason why a lot of women sleep around a lot. They want to keep their hands in multiple baskets, but by doing that they desentisize their ability to care for a single person.

[–]mfshit 8 points9 points  (1 child)

This is mostly due to their lack of full attachment and attention that the men she fucked were not given.

Maybe because prior men didn't treat her with that attention you're expecting, she lost her ability to return it.

[–]AlanAmpersand1 points points [recovered]

Does this mean if a girl falls for you quickly and hard, that is a good indicator?

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Not the guy you replied to, but I can help.

Nope, sorry, I was curious about his personal experiences.

[–]RPStone 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Here's a list of things that I found in low N count women I've dated:

  • Good relationship with parents
  • Parents display a happy relationship
  • Stronger relationship with father (which seems to transfer very successfully to me)
  • Very little drama or need for it
  • More submissive
  • More conservative views
  • Less needs for validation
  • Less or no male orbiters
  • Has mostly if not all female friends
  • More affectionate late game and more long term
  • More desire to have sex late game and after commitment
  • Less insecurities
  • Doesn't like to drink, even with me
  • Doesn't smoke
  • Less interested in "girls nights out". Even when invited often
  • Makes more emotional and financial investments into relationship

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Interesting.

Here's a list of traits I've found in high N count women I know:

Well, first a reminder - since they're still distinct personalities, not everyone of them has every single trait on the list I'm about to make - but suffice to say that every slut I know had several traits on that list, especially since many of them tend to mesh well with others.

  • unrealistic standards: your typical pump & dump-girl. She puts out for guys out of her league hoping that one of them will stick. May have comparatively little actual relationship experience.
  • poor self-esteem/attention-seeking: she is in constant need of validation; and either she wants to get positive attention (no matter how fleeting) by putting out, or she tries to "buy love with sex" only to get the P&D-treatment.
  • self-centered and callous: the egotistical iteration. Whether she has been that way from the onset or has become that way because of the validation overload, but this type of slut has adapted to it and basks in it. She is usually pretty callous in her dealings with others because she is aware that she can get away with being shitty. Also quite entitled because she is overfed on attention, and unlikely to be able to properly deal with inevitable decline without a drastic personaltiy change.
  • hedonistic: Your typical party-girl. Likes to go out a lot and have fun, is very active and eager to take every opportunity to engage in pleasant activities. Types like Kim Kardashian are her heroines.
  • poor self-control and poor long-term thinking: has a hard time forgoing anything pleasant (and may also be loathe to do unpleasant things). This can mean that she won't let an attractive romantic/sexual opportunity go to waste, but this can also extend to other areas of life - actually quite a lot of them tend to be out of shape but don't really see this as a problem because they equate their ability to get laid with attractiveness to the other sex.
  • problematic upbringing: this can mean a multitude of things - having had a abusive or emotionally distant family (or just a very religious one), the father being mostly absent, having been a social outcast in the peer group etc. Very likely to come with poor self-esteem.
  • notoriously fickle: Hooo boy, a big one. Women who sleep around have a considerably lower investment level by default than other women. They are most prone to cultivate multiple romantic options at a time, but as a consequence are also most willing to drop them at a moment's notice once someone better catches her attention. She has achieved abundance mentality and as such is used to the idea that even if she drops one guy, there are still a dozen others who want her. Also comes with impaired capacity for bonding.
  • personality disorder: While most of the stuff above already points at it, some women actually do have full-blown personality disorders (narcissism, BPD, addictive personality etc.).

This doesn't mean that promiscuous women can't have positive traits one wouldn't expect when talking about your stereotypical slut (I've known some who have been hard workers, or very active in animal protection, some even have been genuinely fun to be around etc.), but it does mean that they tend to be problematic to put it mildly. Now it's not as if the majority of women I met were sluts (actually, their overall share is quite manageable), but those that were were pretty much undatable across the board.

[–]HS-Thompson 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You left out a history of rape or sexual assault. In my experience that's the number one correlation you find when you encounter an unusually promiscuous woman.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't leave it out, I simply don't know any women whom I know had been raped (I do indeed know a lot of nutjobs, though). Well, one childhood friend of mine has (it's a bit blurry) purportedly been molested by an uncle or so - and given how development-impaired she is psychologically (she's also more or less asexual), I wouldn't be surprised if that was true.

Other than that, I think that this (a legitimate history of rape or sexual assault) is a bit too specific.

[–]BinaryResult 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Do you guys always press her for a number? I would assume anything she told me was BS anyway so I don't even ask and just assume it is going to be high unless she was <20yo.

[–]ChildhoodChores 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I assume BS too. Seen too much done too much to assume anything else. Even the girls that "don't seem like that type of girl," are likely to be that type of girl haha.

[–]AcidMal 3 points4 points  (2 children)

How do you determine this? And how are you certain its the truth, especially before pursuing? It will be self evident if you are in the same circles, and after you sleep with her obviously but how do i know before i waste my time? What are the representative characteristics off the bat?

[–]Strike48 points points [recovered]

Make her your fuck buddy. If she's easily managed as a plate then you'll know that if it's that easy then you're probably not the only one hitting it and she's not relationship material.

[–]AcidMal 5 points6 points  (0 children)

True, but in this context of actually trying to find and date a low n count woman, what i want to know is key indicators. Obviously if you fwb her than shes not low n count...

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I'm the complete opposite, since reading TRP and linked litterature, I dont date at all, I just hook up with physically attractive women and I could not give .1 fucks about her person, because they ARE ALL THE SAME.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

because they ARE ALL THE SAME

I dunno. I saw a girl wearing black stretch pants and almost knee-high leather boots . . . first time I ever saw that look.

[–]spinalmemes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You probably dated them because they were the easiest hot chick you could fuck at the time.

[–]eatinrice 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Another thing is that white knights believe it was really those 20 other guys that mistreated her, and not her fault. And then you go out with them and you realize why none of the other guys stayed with her

[–]askmrcia 48 points49 points  (10 children)

The other white Knight mentality is "she chose me over all those other guys. I'm better than all those other guys."

[–]PotatosAreDelicious 46 points47 points  (2 children)

You could also flip this to say "Everyone else threw her back. I'm just getting what no one else wanted."

[–]dontbedenied 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Ugh...so true. I just got done learning this the hard way.

[–]maddox45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

right there with ya brother

[–]yaardi 39 points40 points  (3 children)

"I win because she chose me at the end"

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

the end of the cock carousel ride when competition for alpha cock grew fierce

also known as The Wall

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ha ha . . . when I turned 30 I thought I'd hit the jackpot. Finally, all these girls are interested in me, it's my turn! I finally win against all those jocks who got all the girls in high school! Ha.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That must be the biggest lie ever told.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 12 points13 points  (1 child)

If you wait long enough you'll win the biggest prize--you get to take care of her in her old age. Yay!

[–]EMPTY_SODA_CAN 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Learned that one the hard way.

[–]Magnum256 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Exactly right.

My personal experience was that I had been raised to be a sort of white knight. I grew up in a traditional/conservative sort of household, I was taught that the man is the protector and provider, that it's the mans duty to pay for the woman (gifts, food, shelter, etc.) and to protect her at all costs even if it means your own misery or discomfort.

Needless to say my first couple LTRs when I was in my late teens/early 20s were kind of fucked up. I was essentially a doormat and even at times when I was pretty fucking unhappy I would just tough it out, because that's what a man's supposed to do, right? right!?

Eventually I figured it out. That it's not only acceptable to say no, but that if you're unhappy, or feel you're being taken advantage of, or having your boundaries crossed, you SHOULD say no, and you SHOULD get out of the relationship. You only have one life to live and there's no sense in handcuffing yourself to a woman that doesn't fulfill you and make your life better.

Nearly everything is subjective when it comes to love, romance, relationships, and sex. You're not "wrong" for thinking or wanting something. If you're ever in a relationship, as an example, where the woman's trying to say things like "sex isn't everything!", "you should love me for who I am and not just for the sex!" or something along those lines, and if you really want sex and think sex is a very important part of the relationship (I believe it is) then the best course of action is to just leave her and find someone more compatible. You'll have betas telling you you're "wrong" for deciding to leave over this or that, "just work it out bro!", "sounds like you need couples therapy!", but you have to do what makes YOU happy.

[–]APocketFullofRye 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it's important to know what you are looking for no matter who you are. Knowing yourself/being true to your boundaries and respecting others are very important parts of any human relationship.

I remember a situation in college where one of my friends was dating a guy who she really liked. She was waiting until marriage to have sex and was interested in a serious relationship with him. When he realized this about her, he told her that he was not interested in a serious relationship while in college. He wanted to have sex and date around. Because their ideas conflicted he broke up with her. She (and another friend she was talking to at the time) thought he was a dick, but I thought it was the most logical and respectful outcome given the situation and I was impressed at how honest he had been. He didn't try to pressure her (respected her boundaries) and he knew what he wanted (respected his own).

[–]RedPillStoryTime 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A woman with a high N count is like an NHL journeyman. They're looking for the best short-term deal available, looking out for their own interests (money, glory) and on to the next best offer when the season (relationship) runs its course.

Sometimes you can use a journeyman to fill a roster spot, but you're not going to lock that shit up long term.

https://www.fanragsports.com/nhl/naming-nhls-best-active-journeymen/

[–]ransay3277 84 points85 points  (3 children)

The biggest freedom the red pill gives a man is the ability to walk away. This goes for all walks of life. Women, work, business or friends. We walk away from things that bring us down and gravitate to things that improve us.

[–]V1SoR 43 points44 points  (8 children)

From personal experience, higher than average N count usually means that the woman is less likely to pair bond with you the way you'd expect. It's not always an indicator of promiscuity, as long as there are no one-night stands involved. She's also going to be less happy and will blame you for it, vocally or otherwise.

[–]slay_it_forward 30 points31 points  (7 children)

I think the same can be said for men though, but to a lesser degree. I have a notch count in the triple digits and I've been wondering lately if it's become impossible for me to pair-bond too.

Pair-bonding is just another word for oneitis or being in-love. It's a neuro-chemical cocktail designed to keep two people together long enough to have and support children. It also seems like a function of scarcity. The less options a man has the easier he will pair-bond.

I'm finding it very difficult to stay with one woman without the bonding mechanism in place.

[–]tropzumuch 7 points8 points  (0 children)

'The less options a man had, the easier he will pair-bond.' I was trying to figure it out, now you said it. Very inspirational, thanks!

[–]F0rever_Fascinated 6 points7 points  (1 child)

If this is a real concern for you and I woke up with your brain tomorrow, I might take a P-Break. Works very well with drugs/alcohol (often referred to as a T-Break with marijuana).

Not as sure how long it would take for women but 1 month does the trick for receptors relating to other substances. Might be longer in your case. And this would include pursuit of women - not just physical intimacy. Just my 2 cents. Might be worth an experiment.

If it's not as much a concern as just a statement then ignore me. I'm just a drug nerd who finds mental health fascinating and do this for a living.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. And the sex becomes less fun too. After a while, it's like.. "oh, I've ridden this before..." and it could be a new plate. Without the feelz, it eventually gets boring as fuck and why bother with an LTR? (says the guy with an LTR and wondering why. still have plates though. just don't pursue them as much anymore. fun is gone).

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Do you think there's a point you'll be able to stay with one woman, even without the pair bonding, simply thanks to the rationale that you need to stability to raise kids or achieve something bigger for which you need time (plate spinning takes so much time).

[–]slay_it_forward 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I'm struggling with. I want a family so I will just have to stay with a woman I am not in-love with for the sake of the family. Odds are I will cheat though.

[–][deleted] 118 points119 points  (28 children)

The thousand cock stare is real. They truly are incapable of pair-bonding, relationships with women with high N counts are always a complete shit show.

[–]1jb_trp 66 points67 points  (9 children)

Arousal addiction causes people to seek out novelty (both men and women). There is a different type of excitement when there is a new sexual partner, a new "conquest." And I think it's different than having just having a high sex drive; it's a pattern of behavior that makes them not good LTR prospects.

A met a girl off of Tinder a few weeks ago, she was in her late 20s, just came out of a very long LTR, and had been single for about a month. She told me that she had a different guy come over every night for the previous week before we met, and even one night she had three different dudes come over (not at the same time though). She disclosed this information after we had hooked up... During sex she was upset that I insisted we use a condom. WTF?

I pity the poor guy who's going to LTR that chick.

[–]2comment 47 points48 points  (5 children)

Late 20s, bangs a buncha dudes in short time, upset you had a condom. Just the standard woman hitting the wall and trying her damndest to get pregnant as her biological clock is ticking away.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Reminds me of the other story here about grass under the patio table. Guy sees the grass in teh shade growing super fast. Wow! I didn't think that grass could grow without sunshine, thats amazing! What a grass.

Then, two days later, it's all brown and dead.

Turns out it was expending all it's energy to find sunlight

[–]LexaBinsr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I would NOT fuck a girl that's upset over me using a condom.

Not even if she is a 9/10, I would run the fuck away from that.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I remained friends with my ex gfs before TRP, which always went badly, go figure. I would talk relationships with one of them, who of course considered me the beta friend, so she would talk to me like I was one of the girls. In her mid-30s, she openly pondered if she'd get pregnant with her new fuck buddy, and her tone was optimistic. She went on to exclaim, "because I'm not taking any birth control, and he doesn't like wearing condoms, so . . ." Made me sick. I called her on it, and she backpedaled as hard as she could. Ended our 'friendship' I was so horrified (not with the attitude, which is assumed anyway, but for her to be so brazen as to say it out loud and expect agreement from me). This was about 4 years ago. Thankfully she didn't get pregnant, but she's as miserable as she's ever been and gains about one pound of body weight per day.

[–]Cunt_Robber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hold up. Who the fuck needs to screw that much and that many people in such a short time? In sure not all girls are like that, but the sheer fact that it's possible in our Western culture (wow how empowered she must be) and that she actually did it is to me. Proves so many RP tenets... 100% damaged goods

[–]Dragon_Garoo 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I love that term: "Arousal Addiction". Hooked on the oxytocin response... and the fact that you need more, to stay 'high'. This is what breaks pair bonding for women with high N counts.

I used to be involved in the poly community. One thing I noticed is that nobody is with anyone long term. 2 or 3 years, max. Usually months. Then they go looking for the next "love rush".

Open/equal poly is just hypergamy writ large. Even those that came in with "Primes" and LTR's, almost invariably end up alone over time. The branches appear, and they start swinging. A lot of men I think end up going back to Mono. One of my best friends has swapped back over to the idea that only mono works. And you gotta be RP as fuck to hold that shit down.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was introduced to the swinger scene via Burning Man parties (I didn't realize that the whole thing is basically a bunch of swingers). The whole thing reeked of post-wall women who wanted to still feel sexually desirable. I attended a few of the sex parties in hotels after the costume party was over (these are the Burning Man parties, all of which are costume parties, that take place throughout the year but not actual Burning Man). You'd think it would be awesome, but it's super creepy. Of course everyone is out of their minds on molly. Most of the women are of the absolute lowest quality, and there are still thirsty betas all over the place hoping to stick their dick somewhere. The whole thing felt like trouble, and I could see potential rape accusations all over the place due to the level of intoxication. Plus it's just weird sitting in a room while a girl is getting fucked and people are standing around watching. Never again.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She told me that she had a different guy come over every night for the previous week before we met, and even one night she had three different dudes come over (not at the same time though)

Fat girls do this, too. As we are all aware, people with vaginas will have no trouble finding eager penises to fill it. Knew of a beast of a woman who divorced her 'alcoholic husband', and she of course had a new dick inside her the very same night she left, and about a dozen dicks within the first month. Poor thing . . . it's her alcoholic ex-husband's fault. HE shoved all those dicks inside her, she really had no choice.

[–]SpeakerToRedditors points points [recovered]

Does a High N-Count for a male prevent pair bonding? we always talk about this for just females.

[–]cptspiffy points points [recovered]

Promiscuity damages women in a way that it does not affect men. Males have evolved to have multiple partners, we're wired that way in order to spread our DNA as far and wide as possible.

[–]maddox45 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not to mention that men have to put in three times the effort for sex. A chick just has to be there. They call it a double standard, I call it piss poor impulse control.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I think this is why in the studies that revealed high N counts (anything >2) drastically reduces the possibilty of successful marriage (from like, 80% at 1, to 40% at 2, and downward after that). I think that the numbers for men were not effected, or else they would have reported that too. That being said, gynocentric culture they may not have even bothered collecting data.

[–]HS-Thompson 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it does actually. I went on a streak of fucking a few hundred women, including a bunch of younger model types and some very intense dominant/submissive relationships where I was the master, and I think it has affected me mentally. Once you realize that you can fuck basically anyone if you say the magic words it makes it hard not to want to just like actually do it, like as a sport. I honestly would like to settle down again at this point but I worry that I'm going to have trouble doing it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would be difficult to compare that...

With women, a high n-count is due to choice, so it's a reliable indicator of novelty-seeking behaviour and self-control.

In men, a high n-count is also due to choice, but primarily due to skill/attractiveness. So you'd have to compare men of equal attractiveness, e.g. those that are hot and fuck around, vs those that are hot and choose not to go for quantity.

[–]casemodsalt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Can't make a ho a house wife

[–]joseph177 5 points6 points  (9 children)

Men create, women nurture. Women receive sexual energy that men produce. Overload on that energy and you burn out. The equivalent for men is chronically masturbation - they cannot pair bond. They are the opposite end of the spectrum. Duality & polarity. Create balance.

[–]ENTangl3 15 points16 points  (6 children)

I chronically masturbate, about 2 times a day, and i've had a girlfriend for the past 4 years. so ??

[–]RedDeadCred 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A man is only as faithful as his options

[–]ENTangl3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

not true. i have options, because i'm pretty good looking, i simply choose to not pursue them because loyalty is still a thing, i think.

[–]LexaBinsr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

about 2 times a day

You can talk to us when you masturbate 4+ per day at least.

2 times per day is healthy and normal.

[–]joseph177 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Well done, maybe you are 2x as sexually charged as your girlfriend and require release. I'm speaking about basement incels that are afraid of light. If you gravitate towards male polarity (becoming stronger, leading, frame, etc) you will build tremendous sexual energy that requires release.

Release comes in many forms: masturbation, meditation, sex, exercise, and ultimately creating. Hobbies are a natural male outlet for this energy. Sexual energy is a creative energy. Creating our next generation, and also the reality we live in.

Best of luck

[–]ENTangl3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for clearing that up, that makes a lot of sense actually.

[–]JcHgvr 80 points81 points  (11 children)

Contrary to what modern sexually liberated society may say, marriages and LTRs work better if the partners weren't promiscuous in the past. The whole "fuck a lot and find out what you like" is not going to work.

[–]2comment 32 points33 points  (9 children)

I'm pretty sure the west is doomed. Our civilization is like a firework, that exploded higher and brighter than any of the fixed light of the longtime civilization (far east), but will be quick to fade away.

If the tone of the news cycle the past decade didn't hammer this home, it was when I seen the graduating class of doctors 50 years back being 99% men (250+ guys, 4 women) and now see the same university herald graduating a class of doctors, 61% women. They claimed this was progress, to much acclaim.

That drove it home. They drove out the traditional breadwinners out of their role and are wasting the homemakers precious childbearing years with careers and bullshitting them that it's an better (more rewarding) tradeoff than children.

That's what happening to the intelligent class of people, the stupid are breeding away.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The argument I've heard on that, but for veterenarians was this:

Those women hit 30-35, and when they would generally be hitting their stride, and contributing the most to society with their careers, they opt out and start a family.

And the worst part, is they take focus on non essential areas. Vets required for farm animals are in huge demand, because female vets all want to do household pets in a city. They have billboards, hoping to snag a vet driving through, offering plenty of incentives.

Or as Jordon Peterson says "The question isn't why there isn't more women in law, but why men exist that wotk 80 hours a week to hold the top levels of the industry"

[–]LOST_TALE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women don't like children as much as man do.

Given a survey of activities, women scored the ''being with my children'' the lowest.

Also in a patriarchical society, birthrate increases because the decisions of the male reflect his values.

Women?

[–]ssr401 -2 points-1 points  (6 children)

If you keep predicting doom long enough, eventually you'll be right. Western Civilization has already collapsed and been reborn multiple times in the last ~2500 years.

Most female doctors do end up having children.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And as Jordan Peterson also said "I feel sorry for you women in my class. You're biological need to pair bond only with people of higher SMV means you've restricted yourself to a very competitive and small marketplace." I'm guessing a lot of female doctors also don't have kids. Would be an interesting study. By the time they graduate, they are approaching the wall already.

[–]Rufferto_n_Groo -1 points0 points  (4 children)

I imagine it was not great fun for those around during those collapses.

Maximizing the MTBF for civilizations requires women to act a certain way. When they don't, civilizations collapse.

I'd rather not live in one of those periods of time.

[–]ssr401 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The Romans had some great orgies during the decline of their empire. I understand the circuses were pretty fun as well, if you were into that sort of thing.

[–]mfshit -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Then look for someone willing to surrogate for you and don't delegate responsibilities to women who don't want them.

[–]Rufferto_n_Groo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I have 5. That's why.

I doubt you have any. It would explain your position. You don't have any skin in the game.

[–]goldnhorde 24 points25 points  (1 child)

This is fundamental PERSONAL HAPPINESS material right here.

I talk a lot about standards, and this is exactly what I am talking about. Who you spend your time with is a huge deal. This post is talking directly about LTRs, and it is accurate, but I would extend it to everyone in your life.

and it doesn't matter if it's just your "hang up". There is no reason to lower the bar because it's convenient to someone else or fits their world plan. You can only work in your own interest.

and there is never a reason to tolerate something that is not necessary to tolerate.

and lord forbid you want to have a kid. way before the conception, you have to do the most important thing about having a kid, which is picking out a suitable mate. and almost all the stories I hear that are bad to worse to the very worst .... starts with an unsuitable mate that was settled on for various reasons.

a suitable mate is one of the most important choices you will ever make (even if that decision is "no mate/no kid").

great post. set standards. communicate expectations. let everyone know your rules. stand by them with conviction. never compromise when it comes to your own interest.

[–]Windryder 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you want to have a kid, you want to make damn sure that any kind you raise and support is your own.

[–]gumbumbles 21 points22 points  (2 children)

If she's bragging about her cock count and acting like it's perfectly fine.. I drop that I fucked an escort for a few months and it's funny to see her face try to hide her disgust while her brain is still in "don't judge my slutty past" mode.

[–]StudntRdyTeachrApear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking using this as soon as possible. For the lulz.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha ha that is pure gold. Putting this in my back pocket.

[–]1Entropy-7 37 points38 points  (2 children)

"Insecure" is the go-to insult used by women and cucks when you, as a man, find something distasteful or lacking in your GF. It is used to cow you into accepting the otherwise unacceptable. Don't fall for it; move on.

[–]maddox45 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, its ok for her to get pissy over the waitress flirting with you, bumping into and ex girlfriend, ect. Mention how many cocks have been in her in the past and the insecurity darts start flying like a fucking machine gun.

[–]1Entropy-7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good examples.

Let's face it: you are not perfect and neither is she. If you want to get together for a night or a week or a month or year or a lifetime, you can't unleash that shit or the other person.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I would have stopped just before the reasons.

Your reason can be asinine, thats your right. I am. My own judge, and i want to leave because you like blue skittles, then thats on me

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 52 points53 points  (6 children)

"the past is the past why can't we move on?" It's simple, we as humans are prone to recognizing patterns, this includes patterns of behaviors.

Unless of course you're a Republican government official with alleged ties to a particular sub-reddit. Then your past matters a whole fucking hell of a lot because feminist hypocrisy.

Watch what they do, not what they say.

[–]ThePwnter 21 points22 points  (0 children)

"Watch what they do, not what they say."

No truer words....

[–]dontbedenied 13 points14 points  (3 children)

My ex constantly shit on me for voting for Trump, yet me judging her for having a relationship with a married guy was beyond the pale. I can't believe I put up with that slut.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Remember, sexual strategy is amoral. All animals do it. You're not dealing with rational thought, it's instinctual.

Good that you finally recognized the red flags and got out before a whoops baby or losing your sanity.

Lift, sidebar, etc...

[–]dontbedenied 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Remember, sexual strategy is amoral. All animals do it. You're not dealing with rational thought, it's instinctual.

I don't understand, can you please explain?

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Simply put: why does a dog hump your leg? You might say, "bad dog", but the dog isn't "bad", he's just doing its dog-thing or what comes naturally.

Understanding why people do what they do first involves understanding why living creatures do what they do.

This does not excuse poor behaviour by a GF, nor does it give them a pussypass. It's merely the 1st step in understanding and getting thru the anger phase.

This topic is covered in the sidebar material. If you haven't read it yet, give it a shot. And welcome... the anger will subside, you're not a fool for staying with her, and be thankful you got out now and not after having a kid, marriage, etc....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I lived in New Hampshire he'd have my vote.

[–]VanityKings 10 points11 points  (0 children)

What the fuck are you on about?
How many girls would tell you about their actual N counts or about stupid shit they did in the past if they're actually trying to get into a relationship with you? There's a reason women hide all this, because they know any man of value would not pick a high n count coke whore for a partner.

[–]clonegreen 17 points18 points  (6 children)

Wish I applied this logic it would have saved me years of an eventually horrible relationship.

She seemed reformed from her past drug use and promiscuous sex but sure enough, she ended up having sex with strangers again.

Everyone deserves a second chance and people do change but there's a reason why the cliche bad habits die hard exists.

Don't be like others who have let a problem in the past dictate your thoughts in the current, it's draining and you owe it to yourself to find another girl who doesn't have those traits.

[–]1Entropy-7 18 points19 points  (1 child)

When I was younger I was much more open-minded about second chances and girls who made "mistakes" and such. With age I realize that once a fuck-up always a fuck-up and they will just drag you down.

[–]clonegreen 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah the past is a good indicator of the future no doubt.

Better to plate these kind of women or to avoid them altogether. I can't imagine anyone with a ton of partners suddenly becoming reformed, you just don't fall into dick.

[–]dontbedenied 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Sorry you went through that, man. I just abandoned ship on a girl who showed red flags all over the place but I chose to ignore them. Thankfully it was only about 5 months but it never should have lasted a day. I'm done trying to "save" women and giving them a second chance. Believe what they do, not what they say.

[–]clonegreen 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah it's hard to avoid those red flags when you interact with them and they seem genuine and reformed.

It was a good experience however after all since it lead me to the Red Pill which helped give me the tools to better control my life.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It's also hard to avoid when the woman is the best looking one who you've ever been with. That was my issue . . . I would go for looks alone and end up with pretty but totally used up sluts. Then I would try to hamster how their past isn't important, but even pre TRP I knew that it was bullshit and that these women were low quality. And also, all of the 'status' that I had attained by having a 'hot girlfriend' . . . I didn't want to go back to being another single loser or date a fat girl instead. Thank god for TRP. If I met that girl again today, the conversation would last about a minute before I'd next.

[–]dontbedenied 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God...same shit has happened to me. Because the girl is hot I ignore all the red flags in the name of "ignoring the past" and "I have been with lots of girls, so who am I to judge?"

My most recent girlfriend was complimentary towards me for "not judging her" when she told me she had a relationship with a married guy. Somehow I took this as a legitimate compliment...when you are a "nice guy", it feels good to be complimented on being "nice".

Early in the relationship she asked me how many girls I'd been with and I told her (25-30). I asked her how many guys she'd been with, she said "not as many as I would like to have been with." That is a flaming nuclear red flag but I brushed it off...ugh.

It feels good to be with a hot girl...for her to tell you that she loves you...for her to hold you...to be seen in public and in photos with her. But a slut who treats you like dirt is a slut who treats you like dirt. She's not worth a drop of your sanity.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 30 points31 points  (1 child)

She may be right, she may have genuinely changed,

The only thing that has changed is her circumstances.

You want to know what people will do in the future? Just look at their past.

People don't change.... and even if she might, there's no reason you should have to take the risk.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I beg to differ my friend. People do change. Is scientifically supported. You need to read neurology and psychology.

But with that in mind people change much less from age 24-30, then from 30 and beyond they change very little. But between 1-24 people change a great deal as their brains are responding rapidly to changes in environment. This is negated by the static nature of their mobility socioeconomically however, if they cannot get out of say, the hood, their brains will develop in the way a hood rat's brain develops. But say you take a teenager out of the hood and place them in a better environment with limits and proper role modeling, they can change a great deal.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are not obligated to stay with someone whose past makes you uncomfortable. If you ever told your LTR why you were leaving however

Also: you are also not obligated to tell her why you're leaving.

Just say some feelsy shit like "the feelings aren't there anymore" or something like that. Because if you try to reason your way out of a relationship, odds are that she'll try to reason you back into it. If you want to convince her that yes, she is for all intents and purposes a bad match not worthy of you, don't expect her to go along with that.

Simply use your feelings as a smokescreen for your actual reasons, and she can't argue with that. Because what is she going to say, tell you that you still love her and just don't know it yet?

[–]TedCruzEatsBoogers2 points points [recovered]

Women have convinced themselves this does not matter to men. It's kinda hilarious how upset they get when you tell them it actually does matter. Hope they can come to terms and decide the SMV hit was worth it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah they reason it shouldn't and then act like it doesn't and then mad when it does.

[–]hahayeahthatscool 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can't stress the post title enough. Wasted 3 years of my life in miserable bickering just to finally admit to myself she simply didn't meet my standards. What's the point of being with someone that doesn't make you happy?

[–]iquitlurking 11 points12 points  (2 children)

sorry for asking but what is an n count?

[–]RPStone 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Number count or body count. How many guys she's fucked.

[–]Frostfir3 points points [recovered]

This is something that plagues me right now, she is my first and I'm her 25th. For those who talk about bonding, that is a real serious side effect, she just doesn't appreciate sex it's more of a business thing for her. I'm hoping as I have more experiences it will matter less and less as I have a case of oneitits, but in the back of my mind I know that will likely not be the case.

Luckily I'm lifting and dedicating myself to becoming better, but I have yet to choke down the rest of the pill. She found me and fell for me was I was the most beta cuck in existence, but I've grown with her and I'm not looking forward to letting go. I'm hoping she fucks up and makes it easier on me, but right now it sucks. Relationship is pretty awesome outside of consistent meaningful sex because of her rampant sexual past. I have the power to do whatever I want at the moment because she "loves" me so much, but as well all know that's probably crap and it's just my turn.

[–]adam_varg points points [recovered]

I have bad news for you man.

If she doesnt appreciate having sex with you, she isnt really attracted to you and/or your sex skills are bad as it gets.

Doesnt matter if you took her virginity or you are her 999th partner above is still valid.

[–]Frostfir3 points points [recovered]

This is quite possibly very true, while she will enjoy sex in an ebb and flow manner she never seems to look forward to it outside of when I'm aggressive about it. I inniate 95% of the time, could be that she just isn't as into men as she is into females since she is an adventurous bi girl.

But the fact remains that she never seems to look forward to sex outside of rare occasions. This is deffinelty a cause for concern, I'll keep this in mind moving forward. Thank you

[–]reddiforlove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. I was in an almost identical situation with my first, over a decade ago now, and despite her high dick count and my total inexperience and penchant for saying incredibly stupid beta shit, she couldn't help but enjoy the sex, even though she was disrespecting me in every other way. I would wake up to handjobs in the middle of the night, she'd squirt all over my dorm, and she'd initiate in public locations. She even used it as the opening line when cheating on me on Myspace with her ex: "My new 'boyfriend' fucks me so good, why don't you see if you can do better next time you're in town" :')

You either have an attraction problem or have some educational porn watching to do. My guess would be attraction, because beta behavior at the beginning of a relationship is almost impossible to wipe from their minds.

My advice: use this girl for threesomes if she says she's "bi" (most girls with high N counts are). You might even fix the attraction problem while you're at it.

[–]Dragon_Garoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it's business to her, she's a prostitute. Next.

[–]PlusGoody 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know many men who are married to known, admitted or probable former sluts. Every one of those marriages is a noisy, or a quiet-desperation, shit show. Wives withhold sex, harshly sarcastic and critical (you can only imagine in private), hugely irresponsible with money or kids, deliberately make themselves ugly or androgynous or allow themselves to get fat.

A slut can never truly appreciate a long-term partner. Her brain is wired to seek the masochistic thrill of new sexual submission, or the alpha-girl thrill of new sexual conquest. The inevitable -- and noble -- provider component of a long-term relationship (not just or necessarily money, but attention, support, companionship) just doesn't make her appreciative, or even makes her contemptuous because so many other men got her for little or nothing.

[–]beta_no_mo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yup. I was talking to a potential plate on Tinder over the course of a week or so, off and on. Each time we talked she would talk about the dude she fucked last night. Four times. In a week. Each time with a different guy.

Ghosted like Swayze.

[–]ChooseAPooserName2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Would you accept the LTR terminating the relationship if the roles are reversed? If so, then all the power to ya.

[–]CrazedHyperion 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That would be easy if people wouldn't try to hide their past, or episodes they consider to be unsavory. Often, the past reveals itself after a while, after the op already has become emotionally invested in the other person.

[–]HappyScribe 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Don't like the fact that she was raped? Just leave. Don't like the fact her dad abused her? Just leave. Don't like the fact she has depression after her mom died? Just leave.

You are not her therapist. In fact, trying to be an amateur therapist might do more harm than good.

[–]SteveLonegan 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I agree with OPs post that you can leave for any number of reasons and don't have to explain yourself but I'd feel like a piece of shit for leaving someone because they were raped. That's a shitty thing to do to another human being

[–]RedDeadCred 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't gotta be cold about it but it's smart to break it off after a month or so. It's not your life, why carry the baggage? And what about if you have kids later? You're gonna have them raised by a girl with ptsd?

[–]Banincoming 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Acknowledging the past exists is slut shaming!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It's also victim-blaming. Some of that sex might have been rape.

[–]Banincoming 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she regrets it later, 100% of it is rape.

[–]kyledontcare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dadgum good advice here, sir! Thank you very much! Who wants to date a girl whom you found out was a Sugar Baby from her Freshman to Junior years? With N=70? Besides, when did the past ever not matter? And when did it disappear or stop influencing her now or in the future? Never, that's when. She may have even found God, gotten saved, seen the light and found religion. Good for her. But does that mean she gets you? Nope. Turn around and start walking, even if it's on the slightest twinge of discomfort you have in your soul, no explanation needed.

[–]Verne89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is so basic it makes me sad we had to post this Sadly we're a minority on this :-/

[–]Mckallidon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I try to not even know their past. They lie aboit everything, don't remember shit correctly and are all hiding shit anyways. Give zero fucks and just make sure you're making her do things to forget, lie about and hide from the next chump.

[–]n8dawwg 6 points7 points  (1 child)

N count is irrelevant. She is NOT your girl, it's just your turn.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"the past is the past why can't we move on?"

Bad choice of words babe, I am moving on.

[–]sjdfhskdjfh points points [recovered]

I've been disgusted with the past of every girl I dated. I think if I ever want to have kids, I'll have to learn to accept it. Not sure if I can do that though... it really eats away at me. My current girlfriend just let it slip that she sucked off a half-black dude at a party in college, so now I have that image in my head...

[–]SilverslawPOG 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel for you and I am going through the same situation.

[–]grim61 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I could ever kiss her again if I were you.

[–]ChildhoodChores -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Other than the irrelevant half-black dude I feel you on this haha. It is painful to learn of your little angel's past. I've moved away from pedestalizing the girls I'm with, I had to learn that lesson an extra hard way. Once you have more of those experiences yourself it will be less of a big deal if you do decided to get married one day, but count me out for that lol.

[–]spinalmemes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If her father was an alcoholic: leave If she doesnt know her father: leave If her mother was a drug addict: leave If her mother has been married more than twice: leave If she is an alcoholic: leave If she smokes too much weed: leave If she doesnt have a job: leave If she doesnt have stable friends: leave If she doesnt have a car: leave If she doesnt have a place to live: leave If she doesnt have sex with you: leave If she spends all her money: leave If she doesnt like dogs: leave If she doesnt ever buy you things: leave If she rarely uses logic and reason: leave If shes rude to your family: leave If she ever calls your workplace: leave If shes rude to you when you come home from work: leave If she buys fast food constantly and never cooks: leave If she reads your texts: leave If she asks to go on random vacations w other girls: leave If she asks for your passwords: leave If she criticizes your responsible money handling: leave If she smacks you: leave If she calls the cops on you: leave If she bitches about you to friends or mom: leave

[–]SpeakerToRedditors 1 point2 points  (0 children)

such a simple concept that so many have such a difficult time grasping.

[–]hugeveinycock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so important. I know many men who stay with a broken woman out of pity for her, and ruin their own lives along the way. Horrible fucking idea, and yet extremely common.

Also I have learned that if I begin dating a woman, I try to ascertain as much about her family as possible. If her family sounds crazy, dramatic, draining, etc... SO IS SHE. You just haven't noticed yet, or she still has her sheep's mask on and is a good actress. But after enough time, you'll learn she is exactly like her family, and by them you'll have wasted a lot of time and probably been put through an enormous amount of bullshit.

My personal dating code involves only dating women from good families, especially ones where their father is and always has been in their lives. Women with dads are usually the coolest and nicest.

[–]OGlancellannister 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the amount of times I hear friends bitch about things like this, well on in to their relationships is astounding. It's almost as if they jump into dating since she's the first women who will open her legs for him, and then he considers her other attributes afterwards. Do yourself and women a favour and pre-screen.

[–]JohnChrissy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This almost reminds me of "just say no" of the 1980s; much easier said in abstract than done in practice.

That being said, I think the kind of girl one targets in the first place, such as culture, hometown, etc. can help avoid this stuff.

[–]CatfishMeNot points points [recovered]

Found out that your LTR used to sell her body for coke? Then leave.

You got a story? Because I do... HB8, blew through her entire inheritance and sold her body for a while to pay for that shit. She's propped up on a betabux now driving his mercedes and popping out his kids. It opened my eyes

[–]1studentsensei[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty much the same thing. My ex used to do coke and she was extremely reckless with her life even while we were dating. The thing was she didn't even sell her body for coke she just liked to fuck and do coke at the same time.

[–]Penguin327 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Don't like the fact she's dated black guys? Then leave.

[–]A22H013 points points [recovered]

You're gonna get GayLubeOil mad at you, if he can stop sucking off Indian dudes to show them how a white mouth feels like, that is.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 2 points3 points  (0 children)

is this a reference to something

[–]GnarlyBellyButton87 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Don't like that your LTR had a train ran on her in high school? Then leave.

Like she got run over by a train? Or she was a conductor?

[–]MrAnderzon 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Your innocence amuses me.

Train means she had sex with a group of guys usually more than 3 at one time.

[–]GnarlyBellyButton87 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Ah, I see. I guess I'm still a little innocent and uncorrupted at heart. Or maybe that was the last bit of innocence I had and it's now gone, heh.

I think I have an idea of why it's called that, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong because I probably am.

Is it called "Running train" because it's like a caboose of people whose dicks are stuck in each other?

I actually tinkered with that idea in my head a little when I was younger. I thought about how weird it would look to line a bunch of people up and have them all connected by penises. Penisi? Penis-eye?

[–]MrAnderzon 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Having their dicks connected like I train. Damn way to funny.

But no its a bunch of guys having sex with a girl right after another.

[–]GnarlyBellyButton87 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Maybe I could pioneer the "Train caboose" sex move and make the penis-ass/puss-train a reality lol

[–]MrAnderzon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Make sure to check urban dictionary for it

[–]RPStone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The correct term is Penasia

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is obvious.

What else could you do? The past, by definition, cannot be changed.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Stay and be a miserable fuck

[–]nantucketghost 3 points4 points  (0 children)

deleted REMOVED BY AUTOSCRIPT - GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

[–]SanjayMethylPump 3 points4 points  (6 children)

Thing is, many people unecessarily disclose their past. What happen 10,20, 30 years ago is no one's business especially in dating context. Let me use your example of high school.

The human brain at that age is still developing. It is called neuroplasticity. The adolescent period is a hypersensitive period much like early childhood when neural connections are being made and old pathways are being pruned at a very fast rate. The brain is not even fully developed yet. So what she or even you did in high school should have no bearing on who you are when you are an adult in your late twenties when the maturation process has plateaued. UNless of course it has landed them in a state of affairs that effects them today, for instance, their behavior in adolescence landed them in jail well into adulthood, which limits the way their brains will develop.

I am TRP as it gets, brudda, but I think writing someone off for a high school or adolescent thing is very stupid and hypocritical, not to mention the mark of lack of wisdom and psychological naivete. Is your prerogative and individually your choice, but bear in mind the neurological and psychological realities. People change. Environments change. Brains and personalities change. This is scientifically proven fact, my brudda.

But if in her adult age she has banged the whole block or got herself in jail or whatever, you can rest assure that this is who she is.

[–]JF_25 points points [recovered]

Agreed. But think OP is saying that if her past (high school/adolescence in this case) doesn't bother you, there should be no reason to leave. Other commenters seem to have different views though.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I know, and I agree with the libertarian premise of the OP's post. Everyone is entitled to their individual choice and defining their own life. This include paramters and boundaries. And especially includes dealing with consequences of said choices. As men whe have no leeway like women do to disown ourselves from our choices and actions. Society does not give us the mercy it gives women.

If you can live with your LTR's actions from long ago, good. Remember the consequences in your decision. For instance, I wouldn't mind dating a woman who had a reputation in high school assuming she has changed her life in adulthood and acts with dignity and respect. Too often people are born into unideal circumstances and dysfunctional environments. No reason to judge but perhaps it comes from my empathy due to my own expeirences. But if she is a carjacker only a year ago, or more likely, is a girl who has nothing but a string of failed relationships where all the guys are "bad" and "abusive", my brudda, you get what you sign up for. You must do the mental calculus and understand with such a girl who has such behavior in adulthood, there will be consequences for you. And thus you decide accordingly.

[–]JF_25 points points [recovered]

well put. with you on this

[–]SanjayMethylPump 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Growing in India brings wisdom, my brudda.

[–]krotch_vilense 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Lost me at neuroplasticity. I'm sure it's interesting stuff though.

[–]SanjayMethylPump 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is established fact in neuroscience field.

[–]failberry 1 point2 points  (11 children)

When we can say it's a high n count? Like 3? 5? 10 before 25?

[–]MyDickFellOff 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Depends on age I would say. 5 guys for a 28th year old would be fine, whereas 5 for an 18 year old would already feel different.

[–]1Entropy-7 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Any teenage girl with a double-digit n-count has some serious issues.

[–]1Entropy-7 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I am no Casanova but I average one per year from age 18. If a woman did the same I would not consider her to be particularly slutty. But do the math: that would be n=12 by age 30 and n=22 by age 40.

[–]TedCruzEatsBoogers2 points points [recovered]

A women who isn't seeking a LTR by 20s or who is but cannot keep one for longer than a year generally is a bit scary for anything other than a well protected encounter or two.

[–]1Entropy-7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Naw, they are good for a 6-month to 1-year run, but yes: well protected. A lot of them are seeking LTRs but have poorly developed jerk detectors. If you are not a jerk and you find a one of these then, no problem to run it for all it is worth.

[–]Starcruiser28 8 points9 points  (3 children)

When we can say it's a high n count? Like 3? 5? 10 before 25?

It has been said that a partner count over 4 you are running a high risk of a Divorce/cheating, some have said 6 is where they are spoiled goods.

[–]meh613 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Also, remember, a woman's partner count is likely to be several multiples of what she claims -- I think the rule of thumb is 3x, but let's be charitable and say it's 2x.

[–]Htowngetdown 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I feel as if the days of asking someone how many people they have had sex with has already passed. These were high school/early college questions at best maybe. I'm only 25 but wouldn't be able to accurately answer that question off the top and don't think it's that relevant. If someone's a slut you can tell by how they dress, act, etc. As you say, they're gonna lie about their number anyways.

I don't think you were advocating men to ask their partners n count (maybe you were), but those are my thoughts. If someone disagrees I'd be happy to hear. I could see an argument like "if her partner count is genuinely 1 or 2 it might be worth knowing." But I can't necessarily expect such a low number when mine isn't, so idk. Plus it's just an awkward question where the only "good" result would be both parties saying the same number, whether that be 0 or 100.

[–]Starcruiser28 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If someone's a slut you can tell by how they dress, act, etc. As you say, they're gonna lie about their number anyways.

I would agree with the statement on how they carry themselves and dress. Yes they will lie about their real N count but my position is they will be at a higher risk for divorce raping you if they have been passed around if you decide to marry them.

[–]V1SoR 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Depends on the country. I guess 5 is okayish in the West, as long as none of them were one-night stands. For Eastern Europe something like 2 is fine. And in Asia, you still gotta be a virgin in most places.

And don't forget that to each his own. If I'm comfortable with an N count of 5, doesn't mean you should be too. It's like your favorite color. There is no right or wrong, just your own personal preference. See this scientific research for more insight on the topic: http://s3.amazonaws.com/thf_media/2003/pdf/Bookofcharts.pdf

[–]1Entropy-7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I live and work in China. One girlfriend was a Shanghai party girl who admitted to a n-count of 20+ but all the other girls I have dated were 3 or less. The age range is late 20s to late 30s.

[–]Gerstlauer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So much truth.

I spent 4 years lying to myself in a relationship because I tried my hardest to rationalise her shortcomings. If it doesn't sit right with you, it never will.

[–]YiloMiannopoulos 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Past behavior predicts future behavior

[–]Machete94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Precisely what I needed to read.

[–]IAmBeachCities 3 points4 points  (0 children)

lol yeah no shit. but what if you had sex with 2 girl at the same time in highschool then met a perfect girl and she could'nt get over it and left. thats her choice but it doesnt mean that she is just the next number. why be so afraid and guarded. if she turns out to be a slut and you trusted her its not your fault, you don't need to feel stupid. but you shouldn't pass up a any healthy relationship because your beliefs about what some automatically is if they have had a less than chaste past.

[–]d3g4d0 points points [recovered]

Something about this post rubbed me the wrong way. First of all, you shouldn't be in a LTR with anyone. And for what's it worth, if anything in a girls past does make you "insecure" then you're being a little bitch. Sure you can walk away whenever you want and if she does something that's gives you reason to then go right ahead.

But to sit here and say "oh bro she had sex with 20 guys in a span of three years I gotta leave now" is moronic. I think it's telling of who you are. My favorite plate fucked a lot of dudes before me and probably sees some other guys throughout the week. But why should I give a fuck? I'm out there doing the same thing.

This thread gives way too many fucks. Stop being a boy and realize these girls are out there fucking. Lift, spin more plates, make more money, and do you. Don't hold some girls past against her because you can't fucking DEAL with it.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

This is bullshit

Sluts make shit partners and are usually nuts

Also most men are viscerally disgusted by committing to them

[–]abbafishhead 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Remember that if you choose to walk away do NOT explain yourself. You owe her no explanation. If you must feel the need to say something, say that you aren't happy with her. That's it.

This is crap. You'll drive her crazy, and she'll go as far as slinging false rape accusations. Just ghost away. That's it. Closure is for pussies.

[–]twatbutters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why I like having plates (mainly via tinder)-- you don't have to give a shit about her n-count, you just plow the girls you like. Only men with no options (sexually desperate), or people really looking to make a family, settle down. If you settle down with a high n-count, used up hag, then expect nothing but suffering down the line.

[–]wtf_is_taken 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So true, sometimes leaving after the approach is just as hard...

[–]Cornslammer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, straight guys who think N>20 is high. So cute!

[–]xRedStaRx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't deal with OUR past, how do you think that makes me feel.

[–]Landry86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could not agree more. It's not fair to her or yourself if you continue to engage in a relationship where the person's past bothers you.

If you can't forgive and forget you must move on

[–]ecosci 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats true but what about the dirty things that she is going to do down the road it will come for sure a good past doesnt mean anything in terms female nature.

[–]GreasedLightning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find it alwaya helps to think like a fat independent black woman, who don't need no man.

Seriously. Their level of self-importance is something you need in life if OPs examples sound familiar.

[–]throwawayracism00 -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

This kind of thread is so dumb. If people can't change, then why the fuck are any of you wankers here? Well you used to jerk off to porn excessively? Well then you always will and it will ruin you for future LTRs. That's the logic you're using here. Throw in a few pseudoscience links which can be found to support any bullshit you want and BOOM an upvoted TRP post.

This entire sub is about improving yourself. It's about changing how you live your life, your values, etc. Men and chicks are different, yes. But they're not different fucking species. Jesus, boys. Stop being such fucking sheep and think for a second. If you like a girl, she meets your current requirements, and shows successful effort towards not repeating past mistakes, then WHO FUCKING CARES?

To the guy who said "leave her if you don't like that she dated a black guy in the past." Wow. Just fucking wow. TRP has nothing to do with being fucking skinhead. Go back to your cave, dragon or wizard or whatever level KKK you are.

[–]1studentsensei[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Shows effort from not repeating past mistakes"

That's the caveat. Some do and some don't.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Of course people can change. Just most don't and it is dumb to invest enough to find out. Because you'll be hurt the majority of the time. Best bet is go with someone that didn't need a 180 change to begin with.

[–]newName543456 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Thanks you for diatribe, but unfortunately for you people are allowed to have any dealbreakers they want, including partner count or being with black/white/yellow/green/extraterrestial guys.

[–]throwawayracism00 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah you're "allowed" to as in it's legal. Doesn't make you not racist. But if you don't give a shit about that then whatever.

[–]newName543456 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shows how "racism" became a meaningless term, that is thrown around like candy (same with fascism, xenophobia and hate speech). Remember how once racism meant suffering of people owned as slaves? Progressives throwing it around like candy made equivalence between that suffering and stuff like having dating deal-breakers like above, trivializing the former in the process. Good job, progressives, is that what you were fighting for?