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Red Pill Theory5 ways to improve your presence, with examples (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by beachbloke

Short: Presence is an ephemeral term that can mean a lot of different things to different people. What I'm talking about in this post is "the glow". "The glow" is when someone enters a room and you immediately know there is something special about that person. Bill Clinton has this effect. He doesn't need to speak a word for you to know he is someone special. Presence is something you can learn and create. A large part of acting is creating presence. This post is some meta based on my own experience for creating "the glow" in every day life.

Long: Ultimately presence and "the glow" in my opinion is just the set of body language that hints at power. People pay attention to powerful people because they don't want responsibility. So ultimately presence is when someone is used to leading and it shows. I think presence manifests itself in different ways depending on the type of leader a man is.

Women like people with presence because women are attracted to power.

The list below is some actionable ways to improve your presence. They are basically ways to stretch your leadership muscles. As your leadership confidence grows, you will naturally gain presence.

1 - Own your flaws and mistakes

Explanation: This is number one because it is very easy and is a strong sign of a leader. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Leaders know this, and are especially aware of their own flaws and mistakes, but have forgiven themselves for them and have accepted that their blemishes are an important part of their ultimately triumphant story. This is basically "agree and amplify" except in your whole life.

Example: A very easy way to become the defacto leader of a group is when there is an issue, to take responsibility for the problem and fix it. For instance lets say your boss says at a meeting, "Look guys this is a big issue that we can't have happen again, I need to know what happened." An easy response is "Boss, I know what happened. This is my fault. I should have made sure it was checked more often, and I'm going to starting today." I like to think of this as "responsibility vacuuming". You're basically covering everyone else by assuming the blame. However, because no one blamed you there is no social stigma attached -- instead it is only positive socially because you are taking care of a problem everyone was worried about. In addition to getting social brownie points, you are now the leader of a process and have the responsibility to delegate to other people. This thought process is only possible when you are comfortable being the one at fault. So own as many mistakes as you can, except if they are being directed at you as attacks (and even then it is sometimes a good decision to own them).

2 - Create a strong internal identity

Explanation: The strength of your internal compass is a good indication of your presence. When you feel entitled to things that most people don't, it is visible as presence.

Example: The exercise I recommend for disassociating your identity from the way people react to you is dressing differently. Think of a crowd of people you feel uncomfortable around. For example, when I was growing up I wasn't comfortable around rednecks. Do a google image search for that group and go buy clothes that mimic what you see. For instance, for me it would be a camo T-shirt, john deere hat, and dickies jeans. Now wear this outfit around for a day and experience how differently people perceive you. The point of this exercise isn't to be someone you're not, it is to open yourself up to the idea that the real you is hidden from the world. The facade you call yourself isn't the real you. The way people react to you isn't based on who you are either, people react to you based on what they see. People can't always see the real you, so you should never be concerned if people think poorly of you in any situation. They can't know.

3 - Speak at full volume and at your own pace

Explanation: This is one you've probably seen before but I want to explain it differently than I've seen it explained. Leaders speak slowly because they don't care if someone will talk over them. People don't speak over leaders because they don't want to be socially stigmatized. So think about your speech and speak it at your own pace. Don't worry if someone speaks over you. You can always speak over them or unfortunately let them make an ass of themself. As far as volume, the right volume is as loud as you get without using extra breath.

Example: I am literally linguistically retarded in some kind of Aspergersy way -- I couldn't read well until the 4th or 5th grade. So for me this goes back to the first example in owning my flaws. When I'm speaking to someone my mental thought process is "I am kind of retarded in speaking, so this is just the way I speak". When I'm speaking I spend all the time I need thinking about what to say and say it at a speed I won't stutter or stumble at. While this is just my personal limitation, people also know I just DGAF what they think. The person I'm speaking to typically becomes submissive and does what I want, even fairly alpha dudes. One exercise that may help you if you have trouble with volume is to sing as loud as you can as often as you can (in the car, in the shower, etc). I've found cranking the volume in my car to max and singing as loud as I can naturally raised my vocal volume over time.

4 - Visualize your personal space

Explanation: Have you ever been at a movie theater and felt uncomfortable bumping elbows with the person next to you? If you are the one who "retreats" and puts your elbows off the arm rest, you probably have a small personal space. People who have presence have very large personal spaces. However, the point shouldn't be to "win the armrest" -- someone with presence definitely won't battle over the armrest. The reason is they simply don't care if you're touching elbows because you are part of their personal space -- in other words in their mind they own you (as though you were a part of their body), so to them touching elbows doesn't feel awkward, its actually quite pleasant.

Example: Visualize your personal space as a bubble right now. If you are in a room you own you will probably have a fairly large bubble. The next time you go out into the public visualize your bubble. If you are socially awkward, your bubble will be right up against your body. Make an effort to visualize your bubble as being bigger and bigger. Make an effort to relax in your personal space that you carry with you. Its your place and you get to make the rules there. Eventually, you can extend your bubble to the entire room or maybe the whole world. Eventually you may start viewing people in your personal bubble as "your" people. These people in your space are your people so you don't need to worry about them. In fact you want them to thrive because they are as much a part of you as your left big toe. When you get this perspective you will be okay touching strangers and your main concern when speaking to a new person will be making them feel good. This is what it feels like to have very high level presence like Bill Clinton.

5 - Do what you want

Explanation: This is a cornerstone of TRP. Being confident is a big part of attracting women and this gets reiterated over and over. People with presence are confident, so they also do this.

Example: One way to stretch your "do what you want" muscle is to go to a bar and watch the TV and talk to no one. At a bar its uncommon for someone to do nothing, so you will probably get attention for not being social. Figure out the rest yourself based on what you want. Don't be surprised if a woman or three accidentally bumps into you.

Takeaways: Presence is a mindset you can learn that people notice and respect. Remember: 1) Own your flaws and mistakes 2) Create a strong internal identity 3) Speak at full volume and at your own pace 4) Visualize your personal space 5) Do what you want.


[–]NolanHarlow 87 points88 points  (35 children)

For #3, one thought: Don't focus on being loud. Focus on projecting. People who are loud are often irritating. People who project their voice do so in a manner that cuts through side conversations, gets attention focused on them, and commands attention and respect.

To be clear, you can't be quiet and project...it requires adequate volume. But focusing on projection will get you where you want to be a lot faster and more effectively than just going for volume.

[–]j33tAy 14 points15 points  (5 children)

Very easy to practice projection with a friend. Stand about 10 yards apart and have a conversation.

You're not allowed to yell. Focus on:

Good eye contact

Slow, deliberate speech

Using your stomach and diaphragm muscles

Take a breath between natural conversation pauses

[–]mrp_1844 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Good eye contact

I have alwas struggled with this. I don't know why.

Its just something I forget to do.

[–]j33tAy 16 points17 points  (1 child)

It requires conscious effort to start out changing your body language. Remember the levels of learning:

Unconcious incompetence

Concious incompetence

Concious competence

Unconcious competence

You're at stage 2. Keep working on it. Keep struggling because it will force you to push yourself. Effort leads to repetition leads to habit.

[–]maniclurker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Myself, as well. I've started intentionally staring at people right in the face. When they look at me, I consciously continue staring. They will look away very quickly 90% of time. I'm not sure, but I think it has to do with the perception that visual contact can generate conflict. I can only speak to my experience as an American. I've heard in other cultures, like in Germany, it's not considered agitating to do so, and pretty much everyone does it.

I've noticed it has really affected the way I interact with people in a positive way.

Another thing I've really started working on is my handshake. I make sure to get palm to palm, with a firm grip. Look in the eye, do your introductions, etc. Bonding shit. I do not hesitate to correct the grip of someone else if they give me a weak handshake, ie gripping fingers, slack, odd angles, etc. I've noticed my interactions with other men have improved because of that, as well. People are more candid and relaxed with you if you're direct and open with them.

[–]BasicBeginner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a workout similar to planking. Just keep at it and really focus on it with every conversation.

[–]dark_kniggit 5 points6 points  (6 children)

In addition to rhetoric, voice modulation was a cornerstone of public speaking training in ancient Rome.

British people are way more skilled at this than North Americans. If you have friends from England pay close attention to their use of voice.

[–]ABeingInItself 4 points4 points [recovered]

I agree on this one. I have a friend from Manchester whom I always found he had some kind of "glow". I just knew there was something with him that made him be perceived by me that way, but couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. I then payed close attention to the way he speaks and, I'm telling you, that guy knows how to speak. His pace is so smooth, adequate volume of voice and pitch. It just makes everybody want to listen to him whenever he starts speaking.

[–]BeHere2234 3 points3 points [recovered]

Yeah, I agree, it plays a big role. And unfortunately, even jerks can use this to project and increase their perceived value, independently of the shit they are saying... I guess it goes both ways.

[–]dark_kniggit 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah, but jerks can usually be one upped. Start throwing substance or content behind the tools and you can knock them out.

You see a lot of irrelevant tedious Brits who still have this tool. It's good shit busting practice to take them down.

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[–]dark_kniggit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course. The generalization wasn't meant to be an absolute. It's just to say that it's a skillset one runs into commonly.

If a person has the opportunity to travel in England, or travel abroad with significant numbers of Brits, it's a quality they'll have opportunity to watch and learn from.

[–]ElCthuluIncognito 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Would you say that included in this is shutting down people attempting to interrupt you? I. E. maintain your volume and cadence even if someone else starts speaking (so long as you were still talking of course)

[–]NolanHarlow 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Aggressively shutting down someone who interrupts you is unquestionably a power move. Which means its critical to do on occasion, but a card that needs to be played wisely. Sometimes someone interrupts because you're rambling, or you started to change the conversation and it wasn't ready to depart from the current topic, or they didn't hear you, or any number of things. And sometimes its in a setting where people interrupting is a very natural thing (a brainstorming session at work).

Proceed with caution with the very alpha "assertive" recapture of the conversation. Which is what I would recommend. The problem with maintaining your volume and cadence is that it becomes a game of chicken...like two assholes on TV talking over each other. Who's willing to talk over the other the longest? (hint: it doesn't matter. both people look like assholes and observers forget who interrupted who.)

Give folks the benefit of the doubt in most cases. But when you do move to shut down the interrupter, be firm, confident, and nonchalant about it. And be ready to escalate to defend your position and let them know they're being a rude fuck if required.

[–]ElCthuluIncognito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the thorough advice. It's apparent how much it depends on the situation, and the necessary emphasis on how it may be perceived rather than how one feels in the moment.

[–]aanarchist 4 points5 points  (12 children)

i project by animating my body when i speak, like using my hands etc, is that bad or good.

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[–]unicorn-carousel 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Careful with engaged audiences. Sometimes a person fires me up about something I'm working on and a few people circle around and listen. In those situations I'm clearly high status, but using animated movement can help keep the audience engaged. I also ask affirmative questions of the audience, which a high status person probably wouldn't do (because it's not required, alpha doesn't waste energy /s).

Being animated and engaging the audience is high status if it's consistent with your persona, I can say my own not being animated hurts when engaging my audience. I'm short but kinda built so people can be intimidated if I don't show that I'm not pissed and intense (funny to me).

As a rule for unengaged audiences, animation is probably bad. But careful because in my experience speaking, I think it hurts to be a stone for an engaged audience or can disengage them.

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