FitnessGayLubeOil's Guide to Fixing the Jersey Shore Body (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil

All of us remember the man who first brought us to the steps of Temple of Brodin. The man who held protein shake communion after every workout. The man who told us to follow a five day bro split instead of a full body routine. The man who showed us how to half squat, quarter bench, and cheat curl. This man painstakingly answered each and everyone one of our fitness questions even if he didn't really know the answer.

We are eternally grateful to our Acolyte of Brodin for bestowing upon us the gift of gym knowledge. Unfortunately bros aren't the best place to get information. Blindly following gym bro advice can create a Jersey Shore body instead of the aesthetic one that you really want. Luckily for you GayLubeOil, Red Pill's department head of Bro Science has carefully researched the issue and has painstakingly created the antidote for the Jersey Shore Bod.

So what is the Jersey shore body? The Jersey shore body is a lift bro disorder that is a result of doing some exercises incorrectly and neglecting others. Here are a list of symptoms: The lower back is underdeveloped and the lats lack width. The anterior aka front deltiod is very well developed however the lateral and posterior are lacking in comparison. The chest lacks width. Traps and arms are overdeveloped from cheating in isolation movements. The legs and glutes are underdeveloped. Finally some are afflicted with Bro-Bloat.

Pectoral Punishment: This is a huge difference between how Mike "The Situation" and Arnold Schwarzenegger train chest. Arnold goes deep on every rep while Mike does some half rep bullshit with the help of Finaplix Frank. Pay close attention to how far and wide Arnold goes on pectoral flies. You can see the outer portion of his chest light up on every repetition. Now think back on how you do flies. Are you a wide Arnold, or a shallow Situation? Do that shit wide, let the weight stretch out the muscle on every repetition and you will have a better chest in a month. I guarantee it. Muscle engagement is far more important than big weight which is why Arnold is a legend and "The Situation" is a joke.

Deltoid Destruction: Are you hungry? You're in luck because today I'm going to share my recipe for my favorite all natural Italian sandwich: The Ritch Panini. Jokes aside, Rich has very well developed lateral deltoids which are a result of perfect form, high rep side laterals, and exogenous hormones. Jersey Shore cast members may also partake in exogenous hormones however they use too much weight on their laterals and cheat on the exercise. Which is why they have flat shitty delts. Another affliction that Jersey Shore suffers from is anterior rotation of the shoulder joint. This is because their front deltoids get plenty of work on pressing movements while their rear deltoids are hardly ever engaged. This imbalance can eventually lead to an unstable shoulder joint, a serious condition which will fuck your life up like having Snooki for a mother. The best way to resolve this situation is to do face pulls. As for Snooki's son Lorenzo Dominic Lavalle, he's fucked.

Back Attack: While I don't have the proper equipment to laser Jersey Shore tattoos, I do have the requisite knowledge to fix muscular imbalances. The most glaring thing wrong with Jersy Shore back development is the complete lack of erector spinae aka lower back. The reason for this is simple. They don't squat, deadlift, or olympic lift heavy if at all. Another problem is that their lats lack width. This is because they jerk the weight rather than engaging the back through a full range of motion. The dumbbell pullover is another exercise lacking from the Jersey Shore arsenal. Pullovers help to stretch out the lats and make them fuller, giving you an aesthetic V-Taper. By making these simple adjustments to your routine you can very quickly fix the deficiencies in your Jersey Shore Back.

Weightlifting is a core component of the rebellion against Progressive masculinity. The fundamental difference between a Red Pill man and a Bloopy, is that the former works to improve himself while the latter begs people to accept his mediocrity. Rise above average. Work Pec flies to get between her thighs. Do bent over rows and get bent over hoes. Hit bicep peaks and make bitches' knees weak. Get round delts and make pussies melt. When the abs are toned she'll examine your bone. Most importantly believe in yourself, believe in your ambitions but whatever you do, don't believe women.

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[–]B_E_5 252 points253 points  (218 children)

While form is undoubtedly a crucial component of lifting, I think the Jersey Shore body has more to do with a non-existent diet and an excessive amount of alcohol. A post on proper nutrition would be very useful to the community as well.

[–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil[S] 118 points119 points  (39 children)

I'm definitely going to do that in the future.

[–]1sumthin_inappropriat 6 points7 points  (1 child)

A good writeup on both diet and training would be awesome. I'm sure there are a few of us that are counting calories, killing it in the gym, and just not seeing the results. I'd love to hear another perspective.

[–]1aguy01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just a tip, not everyone is the same. You likely need a different approach than what you are using. Some people respond great to a bro split, other guys need less intense workouts that are done more frequently like a full body workout 3 days a week. Some people even thrive on low intensity full body workouts done 6-7 days a week.

On the diet end there is a big genetic component that effects how your body processes carbs and you may need to lower or increase your carbs. On the calories end, you may be eating too little or too much. Many people that struggle with weight throughout there life ironically suffer from eating too little when they diet, which causes an adaptive response that tells your body to store everything as fat and get rid of muscle since it costs too many calories to maintain. Other people overestimate their calories and need to eat less.

If you aren't seeing results after consistent dedicated effort then you don't need more willpower, you need different actions. Anyone recommending a one-size fits all program is trying to sell you something (and blame your willpower when it doesn't work) or they just aren't experienced.

[–]berryfarmer 26 points27 points  (33 children)

Will you include a balance of longevity vs size? I don't want heart disease at 60 like Arnold

[–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil[S] 43 points44 points  (29 children)

Arnold put down bottles of DBol at time his former training partner Ric Draisin told me in person.

[–]berryfarmer 6 points7 points  (24 children)

Do you believe Arnold's diet contributed 0% to his heart disease?

[–]Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil[S] 53 points54 points  (12 children)

I belive his extensive use of orals, cigar smoking and high blood pressure was at play. But I'm not a doctor.

[–]porkmaster 12 points13 points  (3 children)

I googled and can't find any heart issues other than the bicuspid aortic valve, a relatively common congenital problem. Some people need them replaced as young as in their 20s, but they can last until you're 60-70 if you're lucky. Having to get it replaced at the age he did was not unusual and I doubt it had anything to do with steroids.

[–]TRPhd 12 points13 points  (3 children)

CAD is a complex syndrome that can result from a plenitude of interacting factors. No "one factor" is at play in most men; sometimes you can isolate a genetic or toxic factor (I'm lookin' at you, alcohol), but often it is the relative interaction that dictates whether and to what extent one has myocardial ischemia or infarction.

For example: chronic inflammation is a major player in heart disease. Why? Because white blood cells decide to eat oxidized cholesterol in your arteries and form plaques. How do you avoid chronic inflammation? General recommendations include aerobic/endurance exercise and a healthy diet. Where do those recommendations come from? Out of a doctor's ass, usually, but studies have shown that combined weight bearing and aerobic exercise have the best effect on serum cholesterol and triglyceride levels.

So it's the fats and cholesterol that cause the heart disease? No, like I said, it's the inflammation. What brings on the inflammation? Stress, and the lack of release of stress. So, sitting on your ass for your job, instead of standing up and walking around? Yes, actually. Also, there are lipases (fat-digesting enzymes) in your legs that are activated by motion, so if you sit for more than one hour at a time, you are not eliminating serum lipids (fats) the way you would if you stood up. So, sitting down for long periods, and not relieving stress, and having a high fat diet kill you? No, high fat diets are not correlated with hyperlipidemia (fat and cholesterol in the blood). In fact, hyperlipidemia is more closely related to carbohydrate intake. At the same time, cortisol redirects metabolic intake from anabolic use to storage, actually breaking down your muscle tissue to store more fat (which is why Cushingoid features include limb atrophy and central adiposity).

So, no cortisol means no heart disease? Nope, sorry, you need corticosteroids to manage your serum osmolality and glucose response. Okay, how much cortisol do you need? Enough. But not too much. How do you regulate cortisol, then? Well, the best evidence is to decrease stress and increase exercise. Wait a minute, we keep hearing "stress"; what is "stress"? It's not generally defined, stress is whatever your body thinks stress is. So, someone with an anxiety disorder might have more stress from the same situation as someone else who is more laid back? Exactly. Stress is correlated with low socioeconomic levels, low levels of interpersonal interactions, and with low self-esteem. So, can you think yourself into stress? Yes. Stress can be more or less completely inside your head? We think so. And this stress increases cortisol? Yes. And cortisol is related somehow to chronic inflammation? Yes. And chronic inflammation is what gives you arterial disease? Well, sorta, you see there's also the interplay of hypertension, macrophages, fibrosis and ionized calcium...

So, that's what we know about heart disease, in a nutshell. Maybe the Ah-nold's steroids affected his heart, maybe not, it would be hard to tell without getting a good family history and maybe sequencing his genome for good measure. We can speculate all day, but in the end, not even he knows. You just have to deal with it if it becomes your problem.

[–]Interversity 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Unless he was eating uranium, then it's a minimal amount compared to the oral AAS he was taking.

[–]monsunland 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not to mention hip and knee replacements.

[–]Dynamite_n_Gasoline 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I quit drinking completely for 4 months and dropped my body fat from 22% to 13%, I think the over importance of getting riggity wrecked is a huge factor in the "progressive masculinity " movement, there are men NOW who know more about hoppy estrogen producing micro-brews than basic exercises, proper nutrition is very important for men to remain men. Thanks for making this point, and I hope to see more about it!

[–]doctorlw 8 points9 points  (3 children)

This is 100% right. I used to be huge into bodybuilding, you can actually have terrible form and have a great body. Body fat % is more important than form.

That said, still liked the original post.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Even Arnold cheated on form all the time. He talks about it in encyclopedia of modern bodybuilding. however I personally pay close attention to my form because I don't want to get injured, and also because I don't care what size weight I'm lifting, I only care about how im lifting it. (I focus on muscle engagement and DGAF about numbers).

[–]NatisLeson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Indeed you should be very careful about your form, and you should watch your movements so that you don't get hurt. But please don't go into the trap of not increasing your lifts because you're never satisfied with the quality of your lift, I've been there, and found it to be a mental obstacle towards lifting heavier weights, but you'll need to continuously stress your body with heavier loads to make progress. Just my experience, hope you find this useful in your search for Gainz ™

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