Red Pill TheoryBeing controlling is for losers! (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by TRP VanguardArchwinger

Many detractors of The Red Pill find the men who subscribe to this body of information to be “controlling.” Nothing could be farther from the truth. The Red Pill promotes something that’s not immediately obvious at first: the complete abdication of any attempt to control anything, except for the one thing you can actually control. Yourself.

We can’t control women. Women are going to live the lives they want, date the men they want, fuck the men they want, marry the men they want, cheat on the guys they want to cheat on, divorce the guys they want to divorce, and live completely normal and happy lives with guys – or live completely normal and happy lives without guys -- and do exactly as they please, whenever and however they want. And they should. Women have the right to do whatever they want with their lives, and to pursue whatever kind of happiness they want, however they want to go about it.

You can’t control a woman, nor should you try. All you can control is yourself. You can choose to become physically fit, you can choose to become professionally successful, you can choose to become socially apt and well-connected, you can choose to learn useful skills, you can choose to pursue interesting hobbies – you can choose to live a fulfilling life, all on your own, with or without women.

When a man posts something on asktrp, lamenting that “My wife/girlfriend never has sex with me” or “doesn’t respect me” or “flirts with other guys in front of me” or “cheats on me constantly” or “is a total bitch about everything all the time” – Nobody ever responds, “Rape her if she won’t have sex with you. Beat her until she respects you out of fear. Lock her up and keep her in the basement to keep her from the outside world. You should CONTROL HER!” Nope. Never that. In fact, the exact opposite is what’s expressed.

Let it go, they’re told. You can’t control her. Focus on yourself. Become fit, successful, social, skilled, and interesting. Raise your own value and don’t worry about her at all. Live your own fulfilling life independent of her. She’ll either come around, or she won’t. If she does, great. If she doesn’t, any number of other women will want to be with you now that you’ve focused on your own life. Don’t worry about controlling her. Just focus on you.

If the situation is especially egregious, the advice usually given is: “Next.” That’s right. Don’t control her at all. Don’t even try. Let her go. Let her live her own life. Cut her loose and live yours. Being jealous and controlling is “beta.”

Where The Red Pill and modern feminism and other detractors diverge, however, is that the others will tell you that self-improvement is cheating. It’s “manipulation.” If you become muscular and hot, you’re just manipulating women with your good looks. If you excel professionally, you’re manipulating women with your money and status. If you’re awesome socially, you’re just gaming women when you go out and wow them with your social network. And so on.

When you withdraw your attention from a woman that’s behaving undesirably and focus on yourself, that’s dubbed “manipulative.” When you improve yourself such that you’re attractive to your woman (and to other women), that’s manipulative. When you dump a woman who’s not measuring up to your standards, that’s manipulative. Essentially, by not attempting to control the situation (e.g., control the woman), that’s seen as an attempt to manipulate her. Because the very fact that you’re not being controlling will influence a woman to think or feel a certain way. The very fact that you’re working on your own life will influence a woman. And doing things that influence women to think or feel something is evil manipulation.

The solution is simple, of course. Live in your mother’s basement and only come out to go to work. Give all of your money to the nearest woman since you’re not paying rent. Repeat. Or you could just tell the rest of the world to go fuck themselves and live an awesome life, and let the few women lucky enough to be a part of that life enjoy the ride.

[–]Sturmgeist781 121 points122 points  (14 children)

Good thread Arch.

I let women I date do whatever they want. It's my choice if I choose to associate with them after what actions they've decided to take.

[–]NoReallyItsTrue 130 points131 points  (10 children)

Exactly. I remember one of my favorite interactions with a girlfriend was one day she was in my apartment and she said "I can't this any more, we're breaking up" and she stormed out the front door. I decided I'd like to take a shower so I ran the water. Five minutes later I heard the bathroom door open and she came into the bathroom. "You're just going to let me walk out?" Yeah, why would I chase after a woman that isn't interested in me? You do whatever you want, my life is bad ass with or without you.

[–]1independentmale 86 points87 points  (8 children)

This is a classic shit test. It's their way of manipulating and controlling you. They're hoping you'll chase them down, apologize even though you've done nothing wrong and "fall into line" (read: Put her back on her pedestal and worship her in spite of herself). They get really pissed when this doesn't work.

When a woman breaks up with me, all she gets is agreement. "Okay. Later."

When she comes back, all she gets is denial. "Nope. Not interested. Later."

If she's good in bed, I might take her back as a fuck buddy, but she'll never be relationship material again.

[–]slurmfactory 10 points11 points  (4 children)

haha. this is something that Im "dealing" with. Was dating a girl I really liked, treated her well, reached out to her to talk and go out regularly, took her out etc., (she teased me for offering to buy her lunch "oh you want to pay more tha nme? is that so ill make out with you?" i was stunned.. and then one day she came to visit (she lived 90 minutes away) and we spent all day kissing and walking around the city, had plans that night. texted me "i dont feel the spark, im really sorry" bla bla. I responded "wow ok see ya" texted me later that night "i am so sorry. i will miss you." didnt respond to that. 5 weeks later she texts me, shes moved even further away but weve been texting back and forth (we both wait pretty long before texts like 4-8 days or so) and she texted me the other day shes coming back in town in july.

I told her all of the major strides Ive made since i last saw her (new job, quit smoking pot, my band is playing at badass venues in front of great crowds now, getting in shape, got my masters etc) and now she is interested in seeing me again? ive been dating around, seeing a regular FWB while hooking up with girls on tinder, no emotional attachments (i do have emotional attachment with this girl but its fading hard.) It went away completely til she contacted me again and then it sparked up again. So now wtf. I should do what you say and just say "not interested, later" but its hard for me to do that.

If i see her again I strongly feel like I will just become nauseous and be a dick to her.. not sure what i should do. im definitely not gonna stop kicking ass and dating other girls though. after the breakup is when i subscribed here and the stuff ive learned has instantly made me improve myself and regain my balls around women. (i had them for a while but hit some road bumps and lost confidence) now i feel their eyes on me again and this one girl seems to want me back. hmmmmm

[–][deleted] 24 points24 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]slurmfactory 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yea its funny how much my mindset has changed recently. So many fine women out there and before i was ready to do anything for just this one

[–]poindeckster 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Its been like four months, so sorry for being so late. You should confront her on the issue and tell her how it is. Tell her how you feel?

[–]slurmfactory 2 points3 points  (0 children)

haha hey man. After she was texting me saying how she was going to be in town, I think I waited 2 weeks and said "why are you telling me youre coming on town like you want to see me again?" and she just responded ":)" so i deleted her number and stopped talking to her. Haven't heard from her since.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]1independentmale 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Simple. After a break up, when she comes back, you say, "Look, this was for the best. We weren't great for one another and should see other people." Then you add one of the following, depending on the situation and how you feel about her:

    "We can still hang out if you want."

    "I enjoy your company and would love to continue seeing you."

    "If you want to date me within that context, I'm in."

    "The best I can offer you is a friend with benefits."

    "I'm not planning on being exclusive with anyone for awhile, so hit me up if you ever wanna fuck."

    If she's sex positive and you've done a good job of giving her outstanding orgasms, that last one is fire. She may decline because she thinks she's supposed to, but give it a few days. She'll text you some night when she's lonely and horny.

    Modern feminist culture tells you it's unacceptable to only want a woman for sex. Break away from that way of thinking. It's perfectly OK to say, "I just wanna fuck." Women like sex, too, and nothing gets their panties wetter than a high value man with a bad boy streak who isn't afraid of offending her sensibilities. Put her on a pedestal and treat her like a porcelain doll and she'll behave that way. Let your inner animal out and she's likely to do the same.

    [–]1iluminatiNYC 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    It always amazes me that women expect men to beg for pussy. They are so rarely told no that when it does happen, it's like the collapse of the universe.

    [–]Offensive_Brute 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    You manipulative son of a bitch! How dare you hold them accountable for their behavior!? That's against the roolz.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Should I tell them right away, explicitly that they can do whatever they want or just observe what they do and let them think whatever they want about how I consider them?

    [–]poindeckster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yno this shit gives me /r/justiceporn feelings

    [–][deleted] 285 points286 points  (33 children)

    Stupendous synopsis of the redpill philosophy. What really irritates many feminists is not that they perceive this behavior to be an attempt at controlling women...rather, they see it as an attempt to undermine their CONTROL over men. By not bending over backwards and treating women like queens, you are actually being "manipulative" because that causes them to view you as an independent and uncontrollable male...this both irks and attracts them.

    [–]bonekeeper 58 points59 points  (16 children)

    That and a general misunderstanding of that the Red Pill is about because feminists will tend to have a "us vs. them" mentality - so if they see a male movement, they immediately think Patriarchy! and assume that if we're not with them, then we must be against them. We are neither.

    We strive to be pro-male without being counter-female, but this apparent contradiction seems to be a hard concept to grasp for some women (and some newcoming redpillers too, for that matter).

    [–]streetsorcerer 41 points42 points  (0 children)

    And it gets even better. We're not a movement at all.

    There is no RedPill HQ, we don't have an agenda, we're not passing laws, we're not out protesting, there are no banners or signs, no one will ever meet a "RedPiller" in real life. This isn't Men's Rights.

    They can't even stand the idea that we've carved out this small corner of the internet to discuss amongst ourselves.

    [–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (2 children)

    We're actually one of the most pro-TRUEfeminist groups around.

    Not the fighting for rights of the first age, or the continued social revolutions of the second, nor even the continuous bitching of the third age, but true feminists nonetheless.

    How can I say that? Because we recognize that they have a choice. That they are completely independent people capable of making their own decisions. That they can, and will, do what they want, and we are OK with that.

    What do we do? We strive to make ourselves the best choice.

    TRP is marketing. its capitalism. Its presenting the best product(You because you've improved yourself enough to qualify) with the best marketing(The Large Social Network you constructed) to the widest audience(Females).

    Can you control what choice they make? Of course not. All you can do is make yourself the most attractive option, because make no mistake, options are the thing they have the most of.

    [–]Summertime_Dimes 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I do not disagree with this at all, brah. Astute observation. TRP gives women agency. TRP teaches us to treat women the same as men, no better no worse. TRP teaches us to have self-respect, and respect for those around us who command it, who earn it. That is true equality, right?

    Most of all TRP teaches us that your life is your own. Live it how you see fit. But own your choices and hold others accountable for theirs. The mentality of sit back and observe a woman's behavior before deciding if you want to permit her into your life is goddamn genius in its simplicity. For a big part of my young life I thought it was only women that got to decide yes or no on a relationship, and if you were lucky you landed one that checked the yes box. Obviously, I now understand that is not the case. This shift in the relationship paradigm is upsetting for some poeple and they can be pretty vocal about it. Respect.

    [–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan 31 points32 points  (9 children)