Let A Woman Yap A Little

Listening is a key ingredient of tight game. Sounds simple, but the simplicity of it is belied by the millions of men who can’t stay focused on the actual words coming out of a girl’s mouth. Who can blame them? A heaving rack can distract any man with a functioning libido, (slouching SWPLs’ Herculean listening abilities thus explained), and, let’s face it, most women don’t have much interesting to say when they’re talking about themselves, which, as this study shows, is most of the time.

Talking about ourselves—whether in a personal conversation or through social media sites like Facebook and Twitter—triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money, researchers reported Monday.

About 40% of everyday speech is devoted to telling others about what we feel or think. Now, through five brain imaging and behavioral experiments, Harvard University neuroscientists have uncovered the reason: It feels so rewarding, at the level of brain cells and synapses, that we can’t help sharing our thoughts.

Yep, chicks like to talk about themselves. Men do to, but I’ll bet good money that women are worse offenders. (This study apparently didn’t control for sex.) Anyhow, the fact remains that when women are talking about themselves to you, they are getting the same pleasurable high they would get from eating a pint of ice cream or buying a new pair of shoes. Explains a lot.

Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to listen so effectively, or to simulate the behavior of listening effectively, that the girl you are seducing feels comfortable enough revealing herself to you that she can’t stop yapping and inducing those natural dopamine highs which will then get anchored to you. It’s just a hop skip and pump away from sex at that point.

Randall Parker asks:

Okay, she feels great talking about herself. But does it make sense to just let her? Or can one be more clever with the use of this insight? Ideas:

– ask her about herself in ways that drive her thinking in directions you want her thinking to go.
– reward desired behavior with questions about herself.
– other?

During the comfort stage of a seduction, the woman wants to feel a “connection” with the man. The easiest way to build this connection, (or to construct a convincing simulacrum of a connection), is to let her talk and nod your head every so often, peppered with the occasional “uh huh” and “right”, and repeating random words she spoke back to her. Women have an amazing capacity for exaggerating these tiny symbolic gestures of male attentiveness into something romantically significant, so it would be a sin for you, the aspiring womanizer, to look this gift ho in the mouth.

But as RP suggests, allowing a woman to yap in perpetuity will, after a certain threshold of one-sided conversation has been crossed, take you further from closing the deal. You risk becoming a betaboy cipher for all her worries and anxieties, your ear serving as the metaphorical vagina into which she can squirt her emotional discharge. If all you know how to do is listen, you’ll soon be relegated to eunuch status.

Old school PUAs like to say that you should get a woman to talk about herself, because that is how you elicit the values she holds dear, which you can then feed back to her to build a stronger romantic bond and lead the convo to more fruitful, i.e. sexual, explorations. So do try and make an effort to latch onto one or two of her confessional drug-hazed limbic burps; you’ll need that info later in the night.

Cutting a girl off when you deem her to have yapped too much is not hard. Just lay your hand on her forearm and tell her the both of you need to walk to a new sofa/room/bar/park to continue your conversation where it’s quieter. Physical obtrusion is the fastest route to disorienting an excessively yapping girl and resetting the pace of the pickup. There are a lot of upsides to a talkative girl; most importantly, they provide ample ammo opportunities for you to segue the chit chat to more intimate topics. Plus, talkative girls tend to be less judgmental of men, and less prone to resorting to shit tests, because they’re too busy feeling good talking about themselves.

The major downside, of course, is that you will get bored out of your skull.

Anecdote: I overhead a couple on a date where the women did 99% of the talking. The guy just sat there, nodding occasionally, and stirring his drink with a neutral expression on his face. She must have had an ego the size of Jupiter to think that her incessant gabbing would in any way be interesting to anyone. But guess which of those two had hand on that date? Who do you think was in the position of power, and who was scrambling for the other’s approval?

If you have gotten a girl to talk about herself a lot, consider it a good sign; she wants you to think well of her.

PS To answer Randall’s question, I would say to memorize the line “Wow, that’s really interesting. You know, it makes me think of…” After she has said something illuminating or potently self-incriminating, you drop that line and lead her into a story that progresses the pickup. Rewarding any compliments she gives you, or intimacy moves she makes, with a question or two about herself is also a good tactic, but keep in mind that rewards should be intermittently given for good behavior, and punishments always given for bad behavior. This intermittent reward/instant punishment dynamic is the sort of unpredictability coupled with hard-nosed principled dignity that women can’t help but love in men.





Comments


  1. Good opportunity for kid-glove negs…

    I know a lovely little lady who, alas, sometimes evinces a ratchet jaw of her daily activities in tedious detail.

    I usually listen patiently, at least for awhile… but the other day it got a bit much:

    “You chatter, woman.”

    “Oh, but I know you hang on my every word!” (her idea of a shit test, I guess)

    “Not on every word, darling… it’s their totality that make me want to hang.”

    She blushed and acted a little hurt, but the eyes twinkled.

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  2. In the classic Dudley Moore and Peter Cook film _Bedazzled_, the Devil has this advice:

    “In the words of Marcel Proust – and this applies to any woman in the world: If you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is, that they’re coming out with, ’til ten minutes past four in the morning… you’re in. “

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  3. “Reward any compliments she gives you, or intimacy moves she makes, with a question or two about herself…and punishments always given for bad behavior.”

    You beautifully explain how to reward a woman by asking “a question or two about herself,” which is always an easy task. However, you fail to explain the harder task: how to you punish her for her bad behavior?

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    • Examples:
      – Playfully tease her for being “nosy” when she asks very personal details about yourself.
      – Playfully tease her for being “presumptuous” when she obviously sins on that side.
      – When she doesn’t accept the kiss, just stay calm, back up, look around, and try again. You never lose frame, get angry or sad. You stay rock-solid calm.

      Remember, playfully. This is a game, if you are having fun, so does she (most of the times).

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    • I’d imagine you’d grow distant and uninterested. But this would only work if the chick cared what you thought.

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  4. Ugh, anybody around the dopamine community has known for years that it’s not actually for pleasure – even the guy who originally made that theory popular (Roy Wise) already took it back (see “dopamine, learning and motivation” for his backtracking, or Kent Berridge’s work on liking vs. wanting). It’s only people who don’t really know anything about this system that always talk about how it’s for feeling of reward, as the lazy way of explaining why they got activation in those regions, since it’s so “commonly known”. As to the study itself, it’s probably more that answering questions about other people (such as Obama) can be a bit challenging, while answering questions about oneself is easy, so their interpretation can be off in several ways.

    Not that I’m saying that listening to girls talk about themselves and all that is not a good idea, just had to point out the terribleness of the study and its interpretation (by the scientists themselves!).

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    • Not talking at all is the easiest, and yet that takes more discipline.

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      • That wasn’t an option in the study, just choices between answering questions about themselves or other people. I doubt any “talking” was even involved, since it was in an fMRI machine.
        But regardless of that you’re right, not doing can often be more cognitively demanding than doing, especially when there’s a stimulus to trigger the action (i.e. a person, in the case of talking). It’s just irrelevant to that particular (poorly designed) study.

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    • Why don’t you educate us on the real mechanisms that explain why girls like to talk about themselves so much, that should be worthwhile for everybody. You certainly deemed it worthwhile to stomp all over the post and give lengthy exposition on how chateau doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

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      • The real mechanism? I’m guessing it would have to do with poor theory of mind, making them think that what they find interesting the guy would find interesting too, plus that the guy actually wants to get to know them.

        And for the record, I did not stomp all over the post, nor did I intend to criticize CH (his commentary on what to do with the fact that girls like to talk about themselves is spot on, obviously) – I was only criticizing the researchers involved in that study, who are “neuroscientists” (psychologists playing with an fMRI machine in this case), over the an error that’s done all too commonly.

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      • when you use “it’s” without being clear about which it you mean, it kind of sounds like you’re talking about any or all behaviors mentioned in the post.

        At face value it makes sense to me that we find talking about ourselves to be intrinsically rewarding – although if usual press tendencies are any indication, the sameness they describe as “same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money” is probably superduperbroadly construed.

        I don’t really think ‘poor theory of mind’ need have anything to do with it. Chatterbox girl can be acutely aware of “the guy’s” frame of mind without caring about it one bit. We certainly do that when we hold frame.

        After all, it’s only good results if both parties are assuming the sale.

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      • The “same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money” is the misleading part, since that’s not really what dopamine is doing (that’s what I was trying to say in my comment). Excessive talkativeness can actually very well be associated with increased dopamine (see hypomania), and yet this is neither what the study has shown nor having anything to do with “sensation of pleasure”.

        Now, in a case like you suggest where a girl actually enjoys talking at a guy about things she *knows* he couldn’t care less about, then it suggests that she doesn’t actually care what he thinks of her, and also that she would rather hear herself speak than hear anything that he has to say (i.e. try get to know him better). Those are two things which are the opposite of the state of mind you’d want to induce in her! You want her talking in order to get you to like her, and to feel like she’s getting to know you better based on your agreements with what she says (like you have stuff in common) – if she’s only focused on herself without any attention to you, then you already lost.

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      • Can you elaborate on the dopamine bit? Even if the mechanics are wrong, does it change the outcome?

        My experience of women talking ad nauseum has always been in my favor. I use pseudo-psycho-analytic questions and ten minutes later they feel really close to me because they’ve told me things they don’t tell anyone. It’s not until the next day or two they realize they know nothing about me.

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      • Just about to read “Brain reward circuitry beyond the mesolimbic dopamine system”, I ought to be even better-informed on the topic as a result… My critique was of the study/interpretation, on the mechanistic level, without saying anything about what you actually find in practice (the empirical evidence is that what heartiste writes about works, no doubt there, just a simple dopamine-self disclosure link is not the cause for it).

        Your experience may very well be due to women liking you because you seem interested in them (by actively “trying to get to know them”), specifically interested in “the real them” (trying to understand what makes them tick rather than learn superficial facts about them), plus I suspect that you show appreciation to what they say, as if you like them more over knowing those things about them. It’s not just about liking to talk, it’s a sender-receiver system (that the study did not involve). Ironically, it also suggests that they are not that interested in you “as a person” either, though, trying to get to know you in return and all that (instead projecting their “ideal match” on you as a default wishful-thinking, since you probably don’t give them any personal information to suggest otherwise), so it kinda seems “fair” all around…

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  6. On reflection, Charles Manson has some serious game

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  7. Listening is the most important thing a man can do with a woman. She basically tells you everything you need to know about where you stand with her.

    In fact I would say that women are not that great of liars. The reason why they dupe guys all the time is because guys don’t listen.

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  8. This can be done with guys too (to make friends obviously). Just smile and nod, then briefly summarize what they said and ask a question or tell a story related to the topic. Also, ask their opinion. People love this.

    ex: So you really like the Rangers huh? That’s cool. What do you think of their new offensive lineup?

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  9. Romney picked Paul Ryan.

    he picked the budget and fiscal conservative choice. so instead of social issues, the election will be about the economy. just like you said, he took a page out of the PUA book:

    reframe, reframe, reframe.

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  10. 15:05, look at their faces. LOL

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  11. Two OT:

    1) Ancestral Health Conference going on in Boston:

    http://ancestralhealthsymposium2012.weebly.com/

    Cracks in the Western facade everywhere you look.

    2) Take it how you will:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2186748/Orthodox-Jewish-men-given-blurred-glasses-stop-sexual-temptation.html

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  12. http://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/latest-news/top-stories/husband-s-rage-after-wife-wed-on-holiday-exclusive-1-4823228

    Man’s wife marries another man while on vacation (and still married to him), he burns some of her crap and lands in prison for a year. The breaking point is swiftly approaching.

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  13. off topic but why not?

    How did this sneak pass the feminazis censors?
    I approve of this video.

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  14. “Ladies, news you can use: if you’re pregnant, blowjobs (gotta swallow!) will help you feel better. cbsloc.al/P51hkg 1 hour ago”

    This is interesting. Also, in this article, there’s a link to some other study proving that swallowing sperm helps to reduce the occurrence of preeclampsia during pregnancy. From this study one can conclude that settling is bad for mother and babies because it reduces the likelihood of a healthy pregnancy. Unless it’s possible to have oral sex with a man you don’t love … and swallow the sperm … I would definitely vomit.

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  15. who ever talks the least in a conversation, controls the conversation.

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    • Only if you know how to dodge her shit tests in form of questions, and know how to weather all attacks of her’s on your alpha frame, and if you keep that frame than you control the conversation. because once that frame is broken she may lose interest, and you’ll have to prove yourself on some other thing that you do, or just other occasion. conversation is in a matter of fact a little skrimish where you test each other’s frames, and mental prowess, well she because you know, that turns her on, and you test her because you want to know her’s weakneses for later. But you seem to know that, i didn’t for long time, and learnt it harder way.

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  16. True; her talking and yapping is a sign of her trying to gain your attention. It can be an opening for some qualifications or DQs.
    I remember your post about a software called “The Doctor”

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  17. talking > eating

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  18. Last night went out with a group. I hadnt spoken much to this one girl her for bout a month after a one night stand. Things had gotten sour. Ignored the fuck outta her, never broke my frame. She was chasing all night, like on 4 occasions just getting as close as possible and chatting chatting chatting. And i never broke my pose, or leaned in….nothing.

    Alot of “Ahh’s” and “Nice”…”Cool” with the occasional witty remark. When I consciously shut up and let her drone, you can see it got very pleasurable for her. But i think the context here has to be that you are desirable and somewhat pre-selected for this to work. I was alpha dogging the group and flirting with every woman there. SO that allowed my silence to really have this contrasting effect that drove her nuts trying to qualify.

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  19. Was Classic A2 to A3 stuff, for the mystery method folk. I should add that i subtly rebuffed at least three attempts to have a convo with me. SO when i did “let my guard down” a bit (but still not speaking hardly at all) it was this real rush for her…again, context. ANd you still gotta be the one to cut it off or she’ll get all fat and happy that shes validated and just move on to the next guy. At least alot of women will…

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  20. on August 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm Athletic Playa

    Intellectual masturbation. Dudes need to lift weights and get some fucking charisma. Peace

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  21. Newsflash mofos: When you complain about liberals, other races, feminists, and the “society” you no longer control, despite being the master race, you are wasting mind space you could be using to create beautiful life filled with sweet poon and lots o dough. Women want one thing more than ANYTHING else: to feel “connected”, they CRAVE it….The only enemy exists between your two ears. If this post helps one less dude to be angry, and get laid, I’ll feel good about it.

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  22. Where are American men….US women won 29 gold medals out of 46… blabbering never does nothing.

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    • Men’s competition worldwide is far fiercer, doll face.

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      • that is an excuse! babe.

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      • A valid explanation.

        The American women won more medals because they were competing against women… further handicapped by the fact that many of whom in other countries do not have the free time and resources afforded them.

        So there’s the reason… now run along and tend to your kitchen.

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      • Greg doesn’t play sports. LOSER

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      • With those powers of reasoning, I see you have a mind like a steel trap… things find there way in there and get mangled.

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    • did you miss the other blog post? female olympians ARE men.

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    • Besides the high income allowing for more time and training…some other countries have not sold women that they can have their cake, kids, career, manly jobs, advanced educations, and olympic medals that they have sold to women here in the US. All this to make you a more valuable serf to pay taxes and consume more shit you don’t need. Most women and feminist sympathizers in the US are still drinking the kool-aid that says they can be and do anything. What do we have to show for it…bitter women, slutty women (thinking that sleeping around is an accomplisment (as if they were a man), oh and riduculously high abortion rates to help enable said slutty behavior (with rationalization to justify it as a woman’s right to chose instead of facing the fact that it is also affecting the life of a child), higher heart disease in women, lower birth rates…and a relatively inordinate amount of US women that have decided to compete at the Olympic level. All that backasswardness fostered an environment for US women to garner 29 Golds…seems like a fair trade.

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  23. on August 12, 2012 at 11:42 pm Anti Blue pill

    This awesome women ill let yap for hours, the funny is at 4:00 min.

    Ayn Rand pisses on femcunts.

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  24. but the same is true about American men…if you have time for blabbering here why cannot you win medals. When women are winning laurels, American slum men are running after pussy…sad…

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    • Not quite, honey… and it’s getting embarrassing having to explain the obvious to you.

      Even in poor countries, men will get more time and resources if they appear to be Olympic calibre.

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    • shut the fuck up maya.

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    • Women’s medals have no prestige. Even you aren’t celebrating their victory over foreign women, but are trying lamely to pretend they are in competition with men of their own country.

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      • About the only two distaff medals with any economic cache or “remembrance power” are figure skating and gymnastics… which until recently were pretty much the most feminine of all sports.

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  25. If women were competing against men , they wouldnt have won any medals . Its a different level alltogether.

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  26. Uggh, this is a top reason why I have a limited amount of friends. I can’t stand listening to girls yap about themselves. At least a man has sex as a reason to endure this torture. I’ll never understand why most girls think they lead interesting lives.

    Women oftentimes have to deal with a contrasting situation. My husband often feels it necessary to explain the technicalities of what he does at work. This conversation can sometimes go 12, 15, 20 minutes. I’ve perfected the head nod, “hmmm,” and “I see.” I want to hear about how his workday went, but I really don’t understand exactly what he does, and never will. This is torture for me. I’m sure that most women feel the same way regarding this.

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    • Funny you should mention this… even though shit-tested often for “you never tell me about your day”, I’ve always made it a point NOT to talk about my work, especially in detail, for the reason you state.

      It is torture, indeed, to be regaled over things about which one doesn’t care, and technical things which one doesn’t understand.

      My stock reply is “There’s already too much talk in the world.”

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    • I’ll never understand why most girls think they lead interesting lives.

      probably because they were raised believing that they’re special precious entitled snowflakes.

      My husband often feels it necessary to explain the technicalities of what he does at work. This conversation can sometimes go 12, 15, 20 minutes.

      unzip his fly and put his cock in your mouth. he’ll shut up, guaranteed.

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      • Too bad alot of these boring conversations take place over the phone when he’s out of town for work, so unfortunately your strategy won’t help me in those instances.

        The conversations are usually shorter in person. Even though I do my best to give him my full attention, he probably does subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) pick up on some “disinterested” body language from me. The phone conversations are the real killer, because it is much more difficult to steer the conversation in the right direction using words only.

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      • I think if it’s a phone thing, the only way to avoid this is to deliberately avoid asking him about his day or work when he’s traveling.

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      • Probably because they were raised believing that they’re special precious entitled snowflakes

        I just covered the Princess Myth in my blog yesterday.

        http://themaleman.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/the-princess-myth/

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  27. “Too bad alot of these boring conversations take place over the phone when he’s out of town for work, so unfortunately your strategy won’t help me in those instances.”

    Be thankful that that you are even important enough for him to want to explain to you what he does in such detail. I can attest as can most other men who have been around the block that there are very few people in my life let alone women that I would make such an effort to explain what I do and what my passions in life are, especially over the phone. On the contrary, in the case of every woman who has revealed the equivalent of this to me, I have found the information to be the most redundant, trivial experience I have ever had the displeasure listening to in my life and not because I didn’t understand it, but because I have heard the same exact words come out of every woman’s mouth that I have ever dated. To the alpha male, the most sobering and ultimately sad realization is that every woman he has ever dated is is essentially the same girl in a different body. At least for the betas, there is the illusion that there still might be “the one” out there somewhere.

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  28. […] Beta Males Settle For Fat Chicks; Let A Woman Yap A Little; “What Does It Matter To You?”; You Don’t Need To Be Witty To Have Game; Realtalker Of The […]

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