How To Deal With A Girl Gaming You

A reader emails:

Recently I have been gaming a girl who may intrigue some of the readers on this blog, along with yourself. An extremely high-T girl.

I met this girl in question at a party, where she came off as slightly shy and normal. I followed all of your pickup cues (luckily no shit tests, she came off as laid back), and I managed to get her number.

Here’s some background info on the girl. She’s a rower, 5’10” (I’m 6’2” so no worries there), a slight hipster, and very independent. Definitely high testosterone though.

Over the next few weeks, I built up some rapport by texting her and meeting up with her after work. Our time together is severely limited due to our schedules, so the texting part was needed.

The problem in this situation is the fact that she seems to be gaming me (waiting 20-30 minutes to text me back, being aloof, negging me, ignoring my negs/slight compliments, and just generally being strangely alpha for a girl) and it’s really bothering me. She seems to also be seemingly naive to most of my game, and reluctant to do anything.

She’s told me in the past she really enjoys being around me and she’s never felt the same way about a guy, but I am beginning to doubt it. I’ve tried not texting her yet she always texts me a day later with a typical alpha-type text.

She also recently went bitch-mode on me after I (reluctantly) asked the big question, saying that we aren’t together because I’m going back to school (about 200 miles away) and that she still wants to hang out.

I’d appreciate a response to this perplexing situation, and was wondering if there is anything I can do to remedy this. If there is nothing besides to break it off, I wouldn’t be devastated, but still upset, because this girl is a solid 9.

First, your email was unclear about your relationship with this high T girl. Have you been banging her? Or has it been texts and platonic hanging out since you met her? I’ll assume the latter, because it sounds like you are still trying to game her into sex, and that it hasn’t been that long since you got her digits.

Girls with male game — that is, girls who tease, neg (more likely insult, since girls don’t comprehend the subtlety of the neg), act cocksure, wait to reply to texts, show up late, and generally behave like a male player keeping a tasty morsel just out of their quarry’s reach — are usually the sluttiest hos or the most wicked ingenues you will come across. Male game is similar in some respects to The Rules, so this post is an indictment of that female mentality as well.

It may have been said somewhere on this blog already (and I suspect it has), but girls who play a man’s pickup game are drama queens who substitute the thrill of psychological manipulation for the emptiness of their gutted hearts. With each additional cock she rides, a bit of a girl’s soul is carved out and filled with a craving for external validation, which can only be satisfied by encouraging men to chase her. The magic of falling for a man and joyously relinquishing her body to the passions of sex are diminished with each new phallus, until one day her loins overdose and nothing short of a massive injection of head games will suffice to pleasure her.

If you insist on pursuing these types of women, here are some tips:

1. Don’t let her take control of the conversation. Be proactive. Never get caught in the endless spin cycle where you are reacting to all her shit tests. Ignore her taunts and change the subject often. This type of woman needs you to lead her away from her shitty attitude. She loves nothing more than to entrap you in an endless volley of flirty, but sexually fruitless, back and forth.

2. Don’t be shy about using severe negs on her. She can take it.

3. Don’t let her get a head of steam. Interrupt her when she’s about to go off on her own private Shedaho. Imply that her banter is dull and can only be rescued by switching to what you wish to talk about.

4. Use backturns liberally. She’s going to lash out when she sees you not falling for her tricks. Don’t fold like a cheap lawn chair. Hold your frame. When she gets especially unpleasant, make it known that you could do without her company. Then watch her soften.

5. If she punches, you roundhouse kick. For example, if she replies to your text one day later, you reply to her text one week later.

6. Do not react to either her negs or her compliments. Yes, it’s true, the compliment is a more effective snare than the insult in a woman’s arsenal. Reason being that many men with game who can swat away female insults tend to fall hard for sweetly delivered compliments. If you show the slightest hint that her compliment is meaningful to you, she knows she has you back in her sticky web.

7. Don’t jump to respond every time she contacts you. When she sends that text out of the blue, ignore it. You want her to dance to your tune, not the other way around.

8. If she goes bitch mode on you, walk away. She is impervious to reason or game at that point, and all she will understand is total rejection.

9. When you set up a date, TELL her where and when you will meet. Don’t make suggestions. If she balks, cut her loose. Don’t even reply to her if her answer is anything less than enthusiastic commitment to the date.

10. Occasionally be sincere. Sometimes you can stun a gaming girl into receptive submission by simply asking, in your calmest voice, “Why are you this way?” Be prepared for indignation. Stay strong, and give her the cold shoulder if she fumes too much.

11. Jump out ahead of her. Cancel the first date. (But give a quasi-plausible reason for doing so; just suspicious enough that it caffeinates her hamster.)

The most effective counterattack to the girl with male game is the winning combination of jealousy and scarcity. Don’t make yourself available to her, and do make it seem like she is just another chick in a long line of chicks who service you.

Remember that a girl who is running hardcore male game on you likely acts this way to most men, so don’t take it personally. She is hard to please, but her superficially tough shell is brittle once you know how to play her. She sees herself in the role of Joan of Snark, an entitled advocate of pussycentric physics, and she harbors a secret loathing for male desire, and wishes to trivialize it, or trifle with it. You want to focus on raising your value, and tactically lowering her value, so that she begins to think she would be missing out on something if she continues down the path of irksome aloofness.

Girls who think they can snag alpha males by using the kind of game that guys run are in for a rude awakening. Men with options will find these kinds of girls very annoying and use them as pump and dumps, and save their love for girls who know how to run real girl game.





Comments


  1. on August 3, 2011 at 2:54 pm old guy, lower case

    FIRST !!!

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  2. Basically, if she’s chasing you, let her continue.

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  3. She sounds naive more than bitchy, maybe she only got hot recently?

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  4. Decent advice, but a lost cause. Probability of a bang < 10%

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  5. Most of what he’s described sounds more like someone who hasn’t had a lot of experience with boys and doesn’t really know what she’s doing than the uber-bitch described in the reply.
    Came across as “slightly shy”, doesn’t respond to negs… And since when is it ‘acting alpha’ to respond to a text 20 – 30 minutes later? Must people always twiddle with their phones every moment like over-eager puppies?

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    • She’s just not that into him.

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    • This post describes almost exactly how I acted towards guys before I knew what I was doing. Waiting 20-30 minutes to text them back, being aloof, negging them and ignoring their negs/slight compliments was exactly it. However, if a guy had asked me out at that point, I would have gotten the message and stopped. I’m almost not a 9, so having guys chase me is rare.

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  6. I am with the commenter above. My only experience with a girl like that was exactly that. A girl with almost no experience with guys, even though she was around 25 years old then.

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  7. No, she’s definitely following some sort of girl Rules. Chicks live with their phones attached to their fingertips, to not respond to him immediately took either will power on her part or she’s just not that interested. Probably the latter.

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    • on August 3, 2011 at 3:52 pm Artful Dodger

      No. Some girls are just full of head games just like H said. These are usually the most insecure girls you’ll meet in your life. I dated one who I’m convinced was a sociopath.

      -She admitted that she enjoyed the manipulation of men. She said it gave her an “ego boost.”

      -She told me she’d be able to “F guys up” well into old age

      -She said she did not get attached after sex

      -She admitted to being impulsive and a risk-taker. Enjoyed skydiving, mountain-climbing, etc. Never had a job longer than a year. Usually quit.

      -Said she “does not play games.” (red flag #1)

      -Admitted that she enjoyed sex in public spaces

      -Was a huge flake

      -Very charming and nice initially. Very unpredictable mood swings once you get to know her.

      -Acts out and then puts the blame on you.

      She was a solid 8. And she knew it. She was also rather tall for a girl 5’9 and worked out like a maniac.

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      • “She said she did not get attached after sex”

        Bwahahahahahaha.
        Yeah, right.
        Women need a reason.
        Men just need a location.

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      • Bleh her dad was probably a loser.

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      • What woman say they are and reality is a big difference.

        Assuming that the guy didn’t make out or had sex with her means he is running very slow game or is afraid to escalate. When I am texting and calling a chick on the phone and I havent kissed her, I make a mental note to escalate hard. All this talking and this drama bullshit is just a waste of time.

        Guys don’t do drama shit conversations, if you are doing it you are in her telenovela world. It is boring and it is bad for the seduction.

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      • on August 4, 2011 at 12:45 pm Reactionary_Konkvistador

        Sounds familiar.

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  8. on August 3, 2011 at 3:39 pm Artful Dodger

    Damn. Why didn’t you write this post back in 2004 when a girl just like the one you described above had me in an emotional and psychological stranglehold?

    She was literally like Robin Givens in that movie Boomerang. That was a painful learning experience, but I’m a better man for it.

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  9. Basically, if she’s chasing you, let her continue.

    ??????????????????????????????????????????

    If she is chasing you, stop the fuck running from her .

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  10. This kind of girls are the best pump & dumps though. I’ve had one like that a few months ago. I felt no guilt when i dumped her sorry ass. Can’t wait to catch another specimen.

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  11. Possible, could be probable (I don’t know much about Americans and their phones) but there are plenty of reasons not to respond immediately that range from dinner to driving to showering to et cetera. A day at a time and it likely would be. She rather sounds like the type who is not attached to her phone all the time.
    This is interesting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFnxZGz3Vw0&NR=1

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  12. I don’t think you’ve shown enough sexual intensity when you’ve been with her. That’s the vibe I’m getting. This talking about LTR feasibility stuff given your pending move and her still wanting to hang out together should be post bang convos, and limited at that.

    Hartiste’s advice about bring her into your frame and being time and emotionally somewhat aloof and not chasing is right. But you have to combine that with sexual escalation when you’re physically with her.

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  13. on August 3, 2011 at 4:03 pm My Name Is Jim

    Not that my game is very good, but I would just mentally check out, and if she all of a sudden softens and seems to be DTF then fine, otherwise move on. I can’t stand hard-assed girls anymore, hot or not. The masculine is meant to be attracted to the feminine, not the slightly less masculine than itself.

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  14. I’ll need a blood test to confirm the High-T thesis.

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  15. Did she show you pictures of her dick?

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  16. I once went out with a girl who used Game lingo. Would talk about negging guys and described them as alpha or beta. She was annoying as shit. She obviously read this site or some other one yet didn’t have the reading comprehension to understand that Game wasn’t meant as advice for women. Anyway, she was a total whore. She also considered herself a feminist.

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  17. It’s a rare babe who picks up men’s game terminology without being an internet sourcing sex fiend.

    So my first impulse would be to think that you didn’t throttle up your sexual demands.

    Internet porn and the condom have changed the tempo of sex.

    BTW, she doesn’t come off as LTR material.

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  18. Classic Roissy post…very nice.

    My guy hadn’t text me in three days (he’s away on a trip), and I’ve been nervous about it. Today he shoots me a text saying “I’ll call you tonight xox” and I actually waited four hours before I responded saying “kk, sounds great :)” I was very proud of myself for holding off this long because I DO live with my phone in my hand and got his text the second he sent it – complete with tummy flips because YAY I heard from him.

    This woman waiting so long is not game, it’s lack of interest in my opinion. She may see him as a friend, but that’s it.

    *if my guy doesn’t text me when he’s away on a trip, I don’t text him. That’s more out of respect for his time, than game playing.

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    • “This woman waiting so long is not game, it’s lack of interest in my opinion. She may see him as a friend, but that’s it.”

      That’s what it sounds like to me too. The point of Game is to display disinterest; actual disinterest comes off the same way though.

      “She’s told me in the past she really enjoys being around me and she’s never felt the same way about a guy”

      And what way is that? It may not be a good one. She might think you are soul-mates, yet not see anything sexual in it.

      “She also recently went bitch-mode on me after I (reluctantly) asked the big question”

      Am I the only one who isn’t clear what this big question was? Was this a fuck proposal? Somehow I picture some sort of fuck proposal taking place over coffee, as opposed to in the heat of the moment.

      I think this dude is lost in the friend-zone and the only way he’s going to get out of it is to make it clear that he’s fucking another girl. That might sexualize him in her eyes.

      [Heartiste: Some girls will actually resent a man for allowing them to put him in the friend zone. They will lash out in a way similar to the actions of the woman described by the emailer.]

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      • I offer that last piece as advice because it worked for me once. I was hopelessly in the friend-zone with a girl for months, did everything wrong to improve my situation, then another girl came along that I fucked and then the very next day friend-girl was tearing my clothes off the moment she heard about it.

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      • Exactly. When I read “She’s told me in the past she really enjoys being around me and she’s never felt the same way about a guy”, first I thought: Horseshit.

        But maybe she was honest and she just doesn’t feel that way she feels with guys who she actually lets in her pants. A very nice letdown, yet way to subtle.

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    • hey, that guy just knows your sitting by the phone awaiting his calls.
      he’s being nice to you

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    • Aoefe, if your guy knows anything about you, won’t he know you’re playing games if you are the type that is attached to your phone but didn’t return his text for 4 hours?

      I hate the text/phone waiting game. I don’t think anyone is fooled. Sometimes I can answer right away, sometimes I can because I’m on the other line or otherwise engaged. It happens naturally. In my opinion, there’s no need to manufacture a waiting period.

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      • there’s no need to manufacture a waiting period. [emph. mine]

        because I’m on the other line or otherwise engaged

        And that is generally the gist of it. People that are busy respond when they are free. Non-busy induhviduals try to pretend being busy, but given that their phone is glued to their ear…

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      • I have been known to be busy and not respond immediately, but four hours is a stretch for me gotta admit. It was weak game on my part and I don’t feel particularly great about it all things considered. Plus I wasn’t trying to game him, I was trying to punish him. LIke me not texting is a punishment! I remember ‘punishing’ my parents at the dinner table by refusing to engage in conversations. I’m sure they were some of the better meals my parents had in retrospect. 🙂

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  19. Great advice Heartiste. If you follow this, she will be intrigued and will bang you. But she won’t want a real relationship. That’s fine though because at this point, the guy shouldn’t want a real relationship with her either. If he’s a slut, no need for her now (even though I know you won’t heed this advice since most men are helpless to a conicing slut). If she’s an ingenue, it won’t last anyway because you didn’t start the relationship with the fairytale betaness that she tells herself she wants in the end.

    Take this advice and go balls deep until you leave. Whether she’s an ingenue or a slit, chances are that’s what she wants anyway. And please, don’t be bad in the sack. That would not only be a major disappointment, but would guarantee no sex for the next time you’re in town.

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  20. “If you insist on pursuing these types of women, here are some tips”

    Or, pick up the bar slut & wink at her on the way out.

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  21. Wild Guesses:

    She has a natural alpha father and a highly narcissitic mom who is ambivalent about men. She was young when they split up.
    She has had more high quality pussy than you and I together.
    If you spend quality time with her, she will eventually bite your lip deep enough so that you get to taste your own blood.

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  22. on August 3, 2011 at 5:13 pm Malcolm Tucker

    Why bother?

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  23. on August 3, 2011 at 5:21 pm Rollo Tomassi

    “Caffienate the Hamster.”

    You sir, are a poet. Consider this line stolen.

    On topic, one thing men facing down a High T Rules Girl often fail to appreciate is that women running male Game lack any other type of Game. While experienced male Game is versatile in that, if internalized well, a man can adjust his delivery and ‘Game Face’ accordingly. Not so with women – all they have is a hammer, so all their problems look like nails.

    The advantage for men lies in this blunt force Game High T women rely on. Only an Alpha will do for her (thus the mirrored Game), but most Alphas would rather opt for femininity in their women. Her pickings are limited to the Alphas who might give her a passing consideration and the beta chumps who buy into the “respecting strong women” feminized-male meme.

    Knowing this should embolden any guy with the patience to deal with her blunt shit tests. If you’re Alpha enough for her consideration, rest assured, she doesn’t have many other options. So fire away fearlessly. Don’t be afraid of her interest waning by applying ruthlessly the points Heartiste outlines here. She’s still a woman, given to the same doubts and competition anxiety, but in her case, the über Alphas will rarely pay her mind and the betas quickly fall by the wayside. In other words, you can get away with a whole lot more.

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    • @Rollo, great points. This answers my question posted on another thread about how to respond to a girl’s texts…answer: Don’t.

      This can also be termed: Chinese Girl Game.

      They expect guys to fold and follow them.

      I’ve done the following in similar circumstances:

      1) Left when I wanted to leave…she came calling and following after.

      2) Walked away if the girl refused some minor request

      3) Changed the subject

      4) Agreed, amplified, imitated….

      And more.

      All these things serve to truly put her in the place she longs to be…guessing what I’m going to do next.

      This idea of walking away drives them nuts….flips the switch.

      The mistake I make is thinking that when there’s some dialogue going…I need to reply every time.

      Being in demand, being busy, constantly keeping them guessing does more to ramp up the tension than some witty reply which she will always find a way to twist, or shit-test…or get bored with.

      Thanks!

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      • Wala,

        “This can also be termed: Chinese Girl Game.
        They expect guys to fold and follow them.”

        Heehee! Isn’t that what they’re supposed to do? ( looking real innocent )

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  24. I “dated” a gal for a short time who used to play this game. I realized that she had switched roles. She had “game” and was negating mine. Once I saw what was happening I simply backed away. Far away. Barely acknowledged her when I saw her (with other folks around) and never called her again.

    Shortly afterward, a friend of mine took me out to lunch and told me that he noticed that I finally “gotten it”. Turns out she had run game on him too.

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  25. This guy is never going to fuck her.

    And a girl who really is like this should just be treated like total shit.

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    • Sorry, I really just don’t see what’s so bad about her….She should be treated like total shit because she just doesn’t seem all that interested in this guy? Because she’s ambivalent and still figuring out what their relationship could be? Because she’s not obsessively answering all his communications immediately? -Shit, she’s not an emergency operator – I personally hate being considered constantly available, and ignore non-important texts until convenient.

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  26. I think I know this girl, (a 7) or one like her, and I am pleased to say I did all the things suggested by Heartist. Did I bang her? Didn’t work out that way, but she started to stalk me. Now that is both flattering and annoying, Stalking being a substitute for a relationship. She was clearly seriously disturbed – superficially uber-confident, but inside an odd mixture of slut and yet sexually comparatively inexperienced.

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    • Isn’t a “slut” who’s not very sexually experienced just a cock-tease? The worst of both…

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  27. Not folding like a cheap lawn chair and holding one’s frame could save so many relationships and marriages, but so many men still regularly wilt like a flower in a drought.

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  28. For #6, regarding compliments-

    Is this good to apply to all women or just specifically this subset of girls using male game? When I get compliments I usually don’t reciprocate(Heartiste maxim) and just say “Thanks” or “That is nice to hear.” Am I doing it right?

    [Heartiste: Yes. When a girl compliments you, just say “Thanks” with a sincere, but flat, tone of voice. In other words, act like you get these compliments from women all the time.]

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  29. I skimmed through the comments to see if there was any reference to it, but… the email refers to ‘high-T’ girl, so I guess it’s not “high T-girl”. What’s a “high-T’ girl?

    In any case, as I’m reading the entry I’m thinking, “well, duh of course “she’s” alpha, she’s half a guy…”…

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  30. Wow – R totally described me. I’m not a very nice girl to men, I treat them badly, too! But what’s a girl s’pose to do when some men are just so stupid and annoying? If some of you men were women you would understand just how retarded and girly some men are.

    Anyhoo – I used to be a nice girl, but now I’m a blunt tell-it-like-it is girl.

    Have to admit, all the things R wrote about in this post are totally the things that get me to break down and then I get all confused. Not sure how that happens…one minute I’m strong like an ax and then the next minute I’m confused and sad.

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  31. As someone who lives in a large city on the East coast, I’ve had a fair amount of experience dealing with these kinds of women—not that they’re common here, but you come across them a lot more often than in say, the Midwest.

    The short answer: they can be broken (in) I swear it.

    I think the #1 mistake guys make with these women is that they don’t game hard enough. The truth is that what would be considered overgaming for any other kind of chick often barely registers for this kind of target. In my opinion, negs are the most overused Game tool out there—except for this kind of girl. Don’t be afraid to use industrial strength takedowns—almost nothing is off-limits as long as it’s said playfully/dismissively/amusedly. Not bringing the hardcore is the most common mistake with these women, and shifting your mindset to the demands of the situation is key because you just don’t expect to be confronted with this sort thing—which is sensible because most women aren’t like this.

    Number 2: keep the frame. Don’t react to her and don’t step into her world. Her world—any woman’s world—is too small for an alpha. Make her step into your world, at your discretion. Your frame has got to be fucking invincible.

    And there is a way to stir emotion and feelings in this kind of girl: when you finally get her in the sack, you have to hammer that pussy like a Chinese contractor trying to make a gov’t quota. Don’t give a fuck about her orgasm—you have to literally powerfuck the bejesus out of this kind of girl. I’m telling you you are thrusting like your dick has cancer and her snatch has the cure.

    I speak from personal experience, and one girl in particular comes to mind. After I got her into the sack I just railed her—I’m talking about hair pulling, ass slapping, powerfucking—the whole nine. It took two more rounds of this sexual punishment before she even wanted to cuddle post-sex. Once that rubicon was crossed in due time she surrendered fully.

    And, no, it definitely wasn’t worth the effort I put into it.

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  32. There are books that teach girls to use Game taught on this site. stupid titles like “be the bitch he wants” or some shit like that. She could have read one of those.

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    • Hmmm. I have been accused of using “Game” myself (as a female) long before I had any freaking clue what people were talking about. I was just behaving how my personality reacts to things (ha, its guys who pointed me to this blog…). From what I read, there’s no indication this girl was following any game plan – all the terminology is the writers’, not anything the girl said re. ‘negging’ or ‘alphas’.
      Seems much more probable this is just a hot girl with other interests in life than chasing men, who doesn’t feel any compulsion or need to play games in order to attract men. Little ‘negs’ from guys she’s not even completely interested in just don’t matter much, and she’s used to slinging such banter back the other way. No need to ‘shit-test’, just be yourself and see how it goes, how the guy responds.
      Seems pretty normal to me – and the fact that the author is trying to twist this into an example of a ‘drama-queen’ is just beyond ridiculous. These pretty clearly are behaviors of a girl who is not, and is not trying to be, a drama-queen – where are the imaginary conflicts you see?

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  33. Timely post for me. I recently came across one of these ja couple weeks ago, and it was so diappointing. Beautiful, smart, funny girl who I genuinely wanted to be passionate about, but unfortunately, this… And now I’d be a fool to look to her for anything more than a roll in the hay. Like finding a car you really want to buy only to find out the frame is cracked and the floor panels are rusted out.

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  34. She’s told me in the past she really enjoys being around me and she’s never felt the same way about a guy, but I am beginning to doubt it. I’ve tried not texting her yet she always texts me a day later with a typical alpha-type text.

    Study some zen. You are way too into her flaky frame of mind, hanging tightly on her every judgment. What she “has told [you]” is irrelevant.

    If someone pulled textbook seduction-magic tricks on me, it would just seem … gay. Does Not Compute. How exactly does a girl “neg” a guy? Like a hot chick, he’s so used to receiving unsolicited comments from random women everywhere that he needs to be taken down a peg by an unexpected criticism? Does Not Compute. Even if the man was some sort of demigod who deserved constant praise from strangers, women are generally not sexually proactive, they just don’t act like men in that regard, they hoard their eggs and throw off signals and hope hope hope the guy targets her.

    Texting a day later: either she is truly indifferent to you or she is the exact opposite, so weirdly attached to you that she has gone through the trouble of consciously applying male pick-up techniques on you. Occam’s razor says the former.

    On the other hand, a straightforward conversation about her alpha mimicry might be interesting.

    She also recently went bitch-mode on me after I (reluctantly) asked the big question, saying that we aren’t together because I’m going back to school (about 200 miles away) and that she still wants to hang out.

    Do you have a backup girl? A few? Do you have options? No? Then get some. You need leverage before you start making demands on a 9. Right now you are too conformed to her wavelength. She is laughably trying to put you in her harem. “Oh no, no, no, sweetness. You are confused about how this whole thing works.”

    Either way, if you tolerate her alpha behavior, you deserve all the abuse you get and contempt on top of it. Women put up with it because they are instinctively attracted to it. I can’t fathom why a man would, other than a will to servility. Even if she is smoking hot, she still has to be amenable to her place in your orbit if you are going to do anything substantial with that hotness. It’s like a wild horse that either can or can’t be broken. Up your own game past hers, conquer the filly, or let it go. Channel her spunkiness to feminine ends, and away from her transvestite act.

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  35. I just had two epiphanies. The first is that I first became actually attraced to my ex (~9) when I saw her cleaning up after a party, after the 7s and 8s who think they’re 10s had already skipped the joint. Too bad she was an animated neurotic female lawyer who was also an artist in her free time. Talk about hitting the (negative) femme fatale jackpot. I got owned.

    The second epiphany is that the only woman who’s ever given me dating advice worth listening to is my mother. :I

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    • Your mother did? That’s rare. Usually the dating advice is not worth a crooked penny–they tend to give “advice” based on constructs, rather than addressing the reality, which is due to the common pattern–women aren’t aware of their hamsters.

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      • I think I could summarise the advice with “always leave her wanting for more.” She’s a PhD and a tenured professor, so probably has above average analytical skills. Not that that usually means anything on this department.

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  36. Some girls do this by instinct. These girls were unfortunate enough to get a lot of their alpha father’s genes. No good man will ever want them. If they took after their mother, then the father is either omega or an alpha who skipped town on the family.

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  37. It sounds like she isn’t that into you, if a girl is texting you back a day late, she doesn’t really care, I doubt it’s game. Maybe she just wants an ego boost from your attention. Everyone is guilty of doing this sometimes.

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  38. “How To Deal With A Girl Gaming You”

    well. ONE thread that neeecy wont post on

    hmmm
    wundawhy…

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  39. Damn, that was some deep shit! I don’t like dealing with girls that are masculine, that’s supposed to be my job. Feminine girls on the other hand I like. I guess that’s why I have a thing for FOB Asian girls haha.

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  40. My girlfriend seems to be one of these girls. First year was horrible, she almost made me clinically insane. Now I’ve figured her out. Here are my tips:

    1. You can’t win an argument against her.
    When you go into arguments, the longer it goes on, no matter how wellspoken you are, the more annoyed she will be. Eventually she will go bananas, yell, scream stuff and walk out on you because she think you suck. Don’t ever argue. Don’t ever try to “solve” a misunderstanding, other than in special cases.

    2. When she shit tests you or goes into bitch mode, ignore her or just don’t take her seriously. Two real examples:
    “Why haven’t you done the dishes?”
    “Well, first I had to return a book, then I had a lot of errands, blablabla *explaining”.
    *She shakles her head and goes into the cold withdrawal mode* FAIL!!! Don’t ever start explaining yourself, it makes it look like you need her approval.

    So another day:

    “Why haven’t you done the dishes?”
    “Because I’m lazy.”
    “*Her laughing* Well, atleast your honest. *comes to snuggle up beside me in couch and act all girly and nice all evening.*”

    3. She asks you to do small random shit that she could as easily (and most often easier) do herself.
    Just don’t do it. Maybe 1/10 times. Like if you’re in the sofa and she wants a glass of water, and she’s closer to the kitchen. Or she wants you to bring her more comfortable shoes to the club where she’s at. Or she asks you to call a cab for her when she’s out.

    4. If she gives you irrational shit and bitching, just ignore her. If it becomes too much, say something like “you’re too much drama, just leave me alone.” And then walk away.

    5. I’m not sure about this one, but a lot of times I thought she was cheating but I think she actually just wanted control. She would provoke me before going out with her friends, start sining stuff like “forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel” just before walking out the door, going to the club with her friends. Just ignore it, I think she just wants too feel that she’s got you in her pocket (and she will if you adress it and makes an argument of it).

    6. If she hurts you with “playful” comments. Don’t ever show you’re hurt. Do it back to her, but you have to act like you’re in a playful mood yourself. Otherwise you have displayed lower value. Simple example:

    Her: “Leonardo DiCaprio is so hot, he’s on my allowed list. If I ever get the chance…”
    Me: “Yeah, we need an allowed list, because I’d fuck Lady Gaga so bad…”
    Her: “No you wouldn’t! I was only kidding. *came to hug me and started talking with baby voice, really insecure.”

    Some time before that I had responded to a similar situation with logical arguments that an attitude like that is emotional cheating etc etc etc and it put her rock hard into cold bitchy withdrawn mode.

    I could write a book about this… but to be honest, I’m not sure it’s worth it to be a couple with a girl like this. It’s a real challenge. But that’s also the fun part of it. Once you get the hang of it it can work to your advantage.

    But as I said, I was a semi-beta when we met, and she made me super-beta. She played me so hard. Fucked me up completely. I was forced to evolve.

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    • OMG I feel so bad for you after reading this. How can you put up with such behavior? You sound like a really great guy and seems she is taking advantage of this.

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  41. But as I said, I was a semi-beta when we met, and she made me super-beta. She played me so hard. Fucked me up completely. I was forced to evolve.

    Some people argue that you can catch BPD by contact. That the girls will play you so bad, that there is no advantage to being near them, and that you will spiral into insanity.

    I’ve always argued that that view is only partially true – that you can also use the situation as a trial by fire, and learn.

    Seems you agree.

    In the end, the girls are damaging, and we have to move on, but as they are merely a heightened example of normal female crazy, you can compress a lot of learning time.

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    • Yes, I agree.

      What’s also difficult with these girls, like my girl, is that eventually when you have gained control of her, she will feel very unpleasant. My girls has a dominant personality, she can get really sad when she doesn’t have control. Yet somehow I can also see that she likes to be a woman. It’s like there’s a conflict within her, she wants to be submissive to some degree, but she also struggles for control.

      Another important thing is, when she starts feeling bad, she will begin to express it, saying “don’t you love me” “why are you so cold”, “why don’t you wanna hug me”, “why don’t you answer the phone when I call” and a lot of stuff. The worst thing you can do here is explain that you’re playing back at her. Instead you have to say stuff like “i love you so much but i know im bad at showing it”, “i was really busy, didnt see you calling”. Generally, against women you can’t ever tell them “i’m being like this to you because you were like this to me”. That will lower you so bad.

      I have developed a small system. The more cute, girly and nice me GF act, the more I let go of the game, and act nice and romantic to her. But if I notice she starts going into “I’m more high value than you” mode and becomes bitchy, I make sure to put some pressure back at her.

      Is it worth it? I don’t know, I do love her but I don’t feel like I want to start a family with someone like this. In the end I want a logical and rational girl, who you can talk to and be on somewhat equal terms with. I could even sacrifice some beauty points to find a girl like that.

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      • I’m with a tomboyish girl who takes shit testing industrial. As I’m an older exprienced guy, I’m in a better position to handle this than ever before. However like you, there are times when a different demeanor would be welcome.

        It’s not always easy to keep just one girl.

        Just yesterday, as my girl was tired and hungry and cranky, and was beginning to show some attitude accompanying me for errands, I snapped HARD at her.

        “Don’t give me any your god damned fucking attitude, woman!”

        That nipped it in the bud.

        I think you’re being too sensitive with your girl.

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      • There is some basic architecture you can enforce. Examples of what I do with my girl:

        1) I enforce a dress code. Her habit and inclination is to wear jeans. When she is with me, they are forbidden. It’s a pink see through neglige, or similar, when in the house, and only dresses and skirts when out.

        2) Her habit is to hold my wrist. This is bad body language, as it’s dominant. I enforce her, again and again, to wrap her elbow around my forearm. She is not fond of this, and will in five or ten seconds drop that posture, so I just grab her arm and put it back. I’ve been doing this for a few months now.

        Basic architecture will set a tone, and a mood, and this will change her personality and how she views you and how she relates to you.

        My girl is unrecognizable in her actions and appearance compared to when I met her. I’m making a woman out of her.

        Cooking and cleaning also don’t come naturally to her, but there too I’m enforcing an architecture. And that changes her and how she relates to me.

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      • OMG Ernst Hof, holy shit you just described my Mom to a tee.

        My dad is a super-alpha who keeps her in place. My mom is a dominant batshit insane woman. She is super cute to him, but an overdose to everyone else. Naturally takes her dominance out on me.
        If only I read your post like 4 years ago before realizing she aint treating me right.

        Greatest mystery of the human kind for me is how they ever got together

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  42. Stop texting, calling, asking, CARING!! Tao of Steve dude.

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  43. In the end I want a logical and rational girl, who you can talk to and be on somewhat equal terms with.

    Better wait till menopause dude, cuz you won’t find it before, most likely not even after, that.

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    • In my quest for a mature woman, I once dated a menopausal woman.

      Women don’t mature.

      You may as well just date teenagers or early twenties girls.

      Women don’t mature.

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  44. […] – “Identifying Sluts: The Science“, “How to Deal with a Girl Gaming You“, “Beta of the Month“, “Another Feminist Myth Debunked: Women’s Sex […]

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  45. I think I’m being gamed or at least gamed move for move by a girl I’m gaming. She knows I’m with someone.

    Recent example. I dropped her a trial text, then suggested she come out to a “Plan B” type date at a special pilates class I was organizing.

    She never replied to the text, but showed up for the class….she made sure she flirted with me throughout by giving me eyes, making faces etc.

    When the class ended, she basically bolted. I never bothered with any of the pleasantries and acted otherwise oblvious.

    Then I sent her a photo I took of her in the class….in a doggie style pose with the comment: “Hmmm..interesting pose…good to know”.

    I get that she’s turned on. I get also that she’s obviously gaming me trying to lure me away from the girl I’m seeing.

    But what purpose does showing up for the class, then bolting during the free-time hang out period do?

    Game? the leave early, look busy? is she taking that up?

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  46. It’s hard though — in my experience, this is how you grab the alpha male’s attention in the beginning (and later if he gets too comfortable) because if you’re super-sweet and into him, there’s no challenge in that. And at least to a certain extent, don’t men like to chase? That’s what we’re taught.

    @ walawala, I think you’re right — she’s gaming you. Either she sees you as beta-esque and your attention gives her a little thrill, or she’s truly trying to snag you but trying to come across as “cool” — i.e., comfortable, confident, not overbearing. Which incidentally, is another thing we’re taught that men like.

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  47. The girl you’ve described sounds scarily like a girl I’m currently in a similarish situation with. when I do the whole cut off all contact thing and give her the cold shoulder, a day or two later I of course get the whole “whyyyyy haven’t you been talkkkking to me? do you hateee me?” schtick.

    What would you guys say is the best response to those kinds of questions? another example: “I feel like you’re annoyed/ pissed at me?” You get the idea.

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