When Beta Male Strategies Can Work

Beta male sexual market strategies are not always doomed to failure. They can work under certain conditions. The two primary scenarios in which the beta male strategy is workable (if not necessarily optimal) are:

1. As a “softening agent” to improve your attainability, or your “long term lover” potential, if your alpha male traits have pushed a woman too far into feeling unloved and unneeded.

2. As a self-advertisement for long term relationship suitability, given preexisting sufficiently compensatory alpha male traits.

Number one is a game corrective. Number two is a specific game strategy designed to screen out girls who would make bad long term relationship prospects, and attract women who are looking to settle down.

Note that the common denominator in all successful beta male mating strategies is the assumption of some degree of preexisting alpha male characteristics, or an already present alpha male dynamic within a relationship. Beta male strategies, in other words, are meant as adjuncts to alpha male, or high value male, game.

The reverse — adjunct alpha male strategies to complement low value beta male game — is hardly ever an effective strategy for attracting and bedding the women you want. But it can be a decent way of life for beta providers who wish to spice up their marriages as a preventative against wifely infidelity or bitchiness.

In very unusual circumstances, an extreme form of beta male game — the loathsome male feminist orbiter — can occasionally redound in rare, ungainly and passionless sexual favors from the manipulative, flabby wymyn to whom this execrable species (hello hugo!) ingratiates himself. But it is not a strategy any man who understood women would recommend, for the cost in investment, time and psychological health far outweighs the meager sexual payout. And yet, this seems to be the strategy most (Western) men naturally gravitate toward, owing partly to the enfeebled state of mind of the modern man and partly to the low risk-low reward structure of such a strategy, a structure which appeals to large swaths of humanity unwilling to leave their bubbles of comfort.

Conveniently, there is a fantastically laughable Yahoo/Match article highlighting reader emails from people who describe how they “won their sweeties back”. Most of the confessions are nauseatingly beta, and students of game may well wonder how such tactics could possibly work on women.

Assuming for purposes of this post that all these emails aren’t just made up by bored Yahoo staff, we can use them as illustrations of what sorts of compensatory alpha dynamics have to be in place for hardcore beta male game to work. Reading the subtext opens a window to hidden alpha game that buttresses the beta male supplicating, and allows the latter to flourish, however temporarily.

He rapped his way back into her good graces
“I had a fight with a girl I was dating, and to try and get over it, I went out with the guys, and one thing led to another. Eventually, the phone got pulled out and I called her. She phoned me the next day and said I’d left her the sweetest, funniest voicemail ever. Apparently, I apologized and told her how much I cared about her all in the form of a freestyle rap! I couldn’t believe it, and neither could she. I can’t rap to save my life, but she said she hadn’t smiled that big in awhile.”
— Marty, 31

Creating a rap song about how much you care about a girl sounds awfully beta, but check the context: he had a fight with his girl and fled the scene to chill with buds. Fighting is typically a demonstration of alphaness. Beta males tend to get passive-aggressive, sulky or apologetic. A real fight excites women because they crave drama. Put a fist through the wall and you have just opened the vaginal floodgates. Also, framing your “apology” in the form of a song is not only a signal of creativity — an alpha trait women love — but also a clever way of not really saying you’re sorry as it has come to be conventionally understood and expected. So what we have here is a facsimile of beta male game wrapped in the bear hug of alpha male context.

He went to great lengths to tell her how he felt
“My girlfriend and I had been taking a break from dating for about a week. Things were all good until we ran into each other one day. We both pretended like nothing was wrong, but I couldn’t take it anymore and I called her shortly after. Right in the middle of a fairly deep conversation, tears and everything, my cell phone died. I needed to see her, so I walked seven miles to her house in the rain (what can I say? I had transportation issues that day) and showed up shivering, coughing, and barefoot on her front steps. We agreed the fight was over — and that I was stupid for not having a land line.”
— Matt, 24

Getting dumped: beta. Taking a mutual break: alpha. Again, context matters. This guy was already in a position of alphaness when he called his girlfriend to reconnect. Perception is all that matters in women’s hearts and in seduction, and the perception of him here would have worked to his benefit. Bonus accidental alpha validation: cell phone death. Nothing says “alpha male” like cutting a girl off mid-conversation when she’s pouring out her heart.

His sneaky “sorry” proved to be fruitful
“I had a huge fight with my girlfriend. We decided we should talk things out and be civil before making any permanent decisions about our relationship. We met, and it turned out to be really awkward. But when she wasn’t looking, I slipped a picture of a banana in her bag. Across the top it said, ‘I’m still bananas for you.’ Corny, I know, but she called me when she found it and said it made her laugh. Things got better from there.”
— Ed, 26

Making light of a tense situation and playing around with a girl’s emotions demonstrates amused mastery; the banana photo was funny in a dorky way, but at least it wasn’t apologetic or cloying. He reframed this drama to his benefit, and in the process hit all her “unpredictable alpha male” buttons. Plus, the context was post-fight, which we know is a good context to be in if you want to spark a girl’s passionate desire.

His sincerity hit all the right (love) notes
“My girlfriend and I had a fight the day before Valentine’s Day. I got a hundred of those little kid Valentine cards with SpongeBob SquarePants and the Backstreet Boys on them and wrote different things I liked about her on each one. I put them all into a box wrapped with plain brown paper, and I drew a heart on the top that said ‘I’m sorry.’ She called me when she found them on her doorstep and forgave me.”
— John, 25

Alpha context: post-fight. Alpha trait: creativity. Execution: beta.

Very creative, but sickeningly beta, efforts at making up can work on some women (hint: fat or ugly women with few options), but the glow she feels will wear off much more quickly than would the glow from an expression of creativity that is alpha in nature and delivered with alpha insouciance.

He drew her back into his heart, though her neighbors were not amused
“I was totally in love with this woman, but we broke up because I got angry and jealous when she wanted to spend a day with a good guy friend of hers. Of course, I immediately realized how stupid I’d been. So, during the middle of the night, I snuck over and wrote ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me’ on the side of her neighbor’s house in sidewalk chalk so that she could see it from her bedroom. They were mad, but it washed off. And it worked.”
— Chris, 32

Did it really work, Chris? Or did she “go back” to you after she took “good guy friend’s” dick in her box. Never assume the best about a woman who is spending time with other men, no matter how much she insists she loves you.

But I’ll give you points for the chalk graffiti. Defacing property is kind of alpha.

Even girls can get in on the act of beta female game.

Their love story got a happy Hollywood ending after all
“I was head over heels for a guy and he dumped me. I thought if I could just remind him of our intense connection, he would see the light. I was working at a filmmaking company and used the editing facilities to splice classic movie breakup scenes together with disturbing scenes from Apocalypse Now. Anyone else would have probably gotten a restraining order, but I knew his sense of humor, and I knew he would think it was funny. He loved it, and we’re still together.”
— Amy, 34

“if I could just remind him of our intense connection…” Man oh man, is that not just a perfect archetypical hamster rationalization? “I know he loves me because we had an intense connection. He just dumped me because he got scared.” Goddamned priceless.

Anyhow, if this chick is telling the truth, she must be really REALLY hot. Because, in reality, that’s the only sort of “game” that works for women, especially women who do weird stalkerish shit like she did.

That’s enough for this post. Sometimes beta male game can win an attractive woman over if it’s executed with extreme creativity, whimsy, ballsiness or unpredictability, and is reinforced by a preexisting alpha male context. “Sometimes” being the key word here, because if you think that this sort of rom-com sappy beta male suckuppery is the ticket to poon paradise or marital bliss, you will be sorely reminded of the squalid nature of female sexuality in short order. Beta male game should be the seasoning to your alpha male main course. When betaness becomes the main course, women get their fill of your starchy sycophancy not long after the appreciative smile leaves their faces.




  2. True shit. This is also why chicks can’t grasp that asshole alpha game works. They forget about the fight they had and just remember the banana in their purse or the voicemail rap. They don’t realize that that shit would go horrible if they weren’t already attracted to the guy, so they give other guys shitty advice like “leave her a sweet message” when the guy is nowhere near in the position where that would be a good move.

    After a year of casually fucking a chick (I liked her and we had great chemistry, but I didn’t want a serious relationship at the time), I brought her a tea at her work because she had a cold. It was like the one nice thing I did for her in an entire year.

    Months later I found out she had saved the teabag wrapper the way a girl flattens and saves flowers.

    She would probably tell a guy to take care of a girl to woo her, but the reality is that tea wouldn’t have meant anything without all the stuff that built up to it. (and probably would have come off as supplicative/beta if I had done it right when we met)


  3. on July 31, 2012 at 5:38 pm Dr. Zoidberg

    Good post. I spend a lot of my free time free time playing outside, hiking and hunting, and having a reliable chick to bring along on adventures is important. Thus, I practice serial monogamy which requires having some beta game to keep them comfortable and willing to hike up a mountain and spend a weekend in a dry cabin with you. It’s a delicate balance to keep them at arm’s length and be able to pull them in when you want. I find being artistic and rewarding them with little trinkets and sketches works well. Plus they seem to love having mementos when 6 months later things get too serious for me and I bail.


  4. Heartiste, when does White Knight game work? I assume it only works if you beat up a guy for her and the occasional times when she is post-breakup and you take advantage.


  5. Lots of good points here, but the main commonality is that these were all couples who broke up (or just had a fight) and then made up. Most break-ups result in getting back together. People don’t like to be alone, fear that they won’t find a replacement, and generally will hang onto relationships way beyond their sell date. So most of the time, once you’re sleeping with a woman, the relationship will survive a fight, even a supposed breakup, no matter what you do or how beta you act.

    These women just weren’t ready to break up. You can see the end coming for some of these guys, though. Reading some of those, I could hear the woman thinking, “Sigh, what a sap. I’ll give him another chance, though.”

    And none of these methods would work to attract a woman who wasn’t already head-over-heels for a guy.


  6. Hugo S. isn’t just an ordinary phaux feminist orbiter low value male, he’s one of the cruelest and most profoundly misandric writers to ever exist. It’s almost cartoonish just how much hatred seeps from his articles, I think its some massive hilarious troll that he’ll take with him to the grave.

    [heartiste: hugo shyster is definitely a troll, but he’s the most effective of trolls: a troll who believes his own bullshit.]


    • Apparently he’s actually an attempted girlfriend-murderer who’s gone in for some really deep camouflage.

      I thought, dude, it’s fun to beard the lion in his den but that’s going too far.


    • Hugo’s articles ooze misogyny, misandry, and above all, a deep, pulsating self-loathing that he projects outward as generalized misanthropy.

      He thinks all women are pathetic victims because he’s been victimizing women his whole life. His attempted murder confession was laced with sublimated hatred toward his drug-addled girlfriend’s weakness. At the same time, he thinks all men are evil predators who need to be kept away from impressionable women, because he himself is one. His attempt to “expose” men’s bad behavior only exposes his own disturbed psyche.

      It’s either a really elaborate troll or this guy needs to be locked up. The fact that Jezebel, a so-called feminist site, gives this nutjob a public forum says everything.


  7. Yeah, if you’re pretty alpha already, then you can probably keep a girl around as long as you want if you alternate being a dick with being a sweetheart.


  8. on July 31, 2012 at 7:28 pm Senior Beta

    You and Athol have mirror image posts today. Good work.


  9. on July 31, 2012 at 7:44 pm Joe Sixpack

    Yet another great post.

    I know this is 99% OT, but since we are talking about Beta Males, how about this group of guys as candidates for Omegas of the Millenium:


    Their content expressions and nonchalance in having their way of life photographed and made public is, at once, both funny yet unsettling. I can only imagine the nerdrage with which they would respond should someone even attempt to spike their support group punch with a few crushed-up Red Pills.


  10. Yeah, but how do some absolute beta herbs get girlfriends in the first place?

    My theory is that they’re for the most part miraculous survivors of the friendzone purgatory. And they only owe their salvation to the contraception pill.


    • If a woman looks at the Herb and thinks his SMV is higher than or comparable to hers, it doesn’t seem like such a bad deal. Don’t forget – women select Alphas to fuck, but usually settle on Herbs for LTRs/Marriage due to their long range steadiness. Being a complete Herb isn’t a very good strategy, however, because you’re trying to get picked as “the one” when in fact you’re just another potted plant in the Herb garden. Even the most prosperous looking prospective Herb would benefit in the marketplace from displaying some Alpha traits in order to improve the chances / quality when it’s pickin’ time.


  11. Number 2 is the most important I think. As we already know, when their market value has peaked women’s eyes survey the landscape for men to fuck and get kids out of. You can exploit their desire for kids by pretending you want them too. Then when some young honey expresses interest you turn to your lady and say “I telled a lie: I don’t want no kids” and you’re out the door. And because wymiinzys are extending this wanting-to-settle-down period by freezing their ovaries and all sorts, their is generous time period in which to prey on these poor feebles.

    In a way it is similar to short-selling: it has an immoral feel about it, but the benefits make it worthwhile.


  12. Shifting from alpha to beta and back again makes the whole love game a very interesting thing if you step back and look at it. It’s an art form as much as the act of physical love is.

    The lazy pursue the obese. There are more lazy out there than the motivated. There are more fat chicks than hot chicks. Our culture is dysgenic. I don’t care about how they go about things.

    By the way, I still hate fat chicks…….


  13. In the past I was a big fucking nerd. Socially unskilled, which led to being socially uptight. Being socially uptight was sometimes perceived as being aloof and a little aggro, which I now know the value of. So my worst beta traits ended up, irregularly, being perceived as alpha. Now I know to have the aloof and agro on tap, so what was irregular success has turned into steady success and some satisfied women who are tired of the big fucking nerds.

    This was very much a case of a stopped clock being right twice a day. I don’t want to condone being a big fucking nerd – the cost was far more than the benefit. Before game I didn’t know why I wasn’t more successful, now I know why I was sometimes successful.



  14. Alternating between beta and alpha requires the same kind of timing that a dramatic act has with its plot points which serve to keep the audience in suspense.

    Alpha is the dramatic high point. Beta is the dramatic low point which gives the audience time to exhale and regroup their senses.

    This is simply good storytelling. Women crave the story. Women crave the drama just like an audience.


    • sounds like dread game. you can recreate any of the situations above by manufacturing a palatable amount of drama, then remediate the situation with a dose of alpha. control the situation, guide the outcome.


  15. This reminds me of a moment from the Eminem/Rihanna “Love the Way You Lie” video with Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox. Dude’s a lowlife who abuses her, shatters a beer glass on another guy, heists a bottle of Vodka, goes out getting girls’ numbers, and yet still goes out of his way in the middle of all this to give her a teddy bear (2:12). A golden example of beta seasoning atop uber-alpha game:


  16. on July 31, 2012 at 9:40 pm Michael of Charlotte

    Gees, I need more sleep. I read that first one as “He raped his way back into her good graces.”


  17. “I knew Sorkin’s excised bile duct The Newsroom was stupid, but I didn’t know it was quite THIS stupid.” (CH)

    Keep smashing pretty lies.Those who contribute to the smashing of the current vile system will be heard when it comes time to build the new.


  18. on July 31, 2012 at 11:32 pm In Need of Advice

    What is the right move to make when you and a girl hold eye contact from a distance across the room? I’m thinking of some type of direct approach, but what type of line should I open with? Of course the target is generally in a small group, but…


    • I usually find playing it by ear or using a Roosh opener works fine.

      The moment you wait lets yourself get intimidated, the worst she can do is laugh.


    • Depends a lot on situation. Daytime vs Night-time (sub-divided; work, coffeeshop or restaurant. Dance club, cocktail lounge, or party). Is she a 7 or a 10. Is she with a group of girls, mixed company, or is she the only girl in a group of guys.

      One useful thing to keep in mind is that for a girl direct eye-contact is her way of signaling “I want you to come talk to me”. Your opening line really doesn’t matter because she already WANTS you there. This is practically the home-run scenario for guys with approach anxiety, because the only way she could be more direct would be if she came up to you. And frankly, that would suck because it would set the wrong dynamic for the entire rest of your relationship.


      • Yes. Females are the passive sex.

        Heck, I remember reading some anecdote by a woman where she says something to the effect of, “I looked at him for a second or two, and he came over to talk to me, as men do…”

        If she looks at you, and is hot, go talk to her.


  19. If you are a fit,good-looking, well endowed in both vital dimensions kind of guy who happens to have survived single past aged 50 there is some good news and some bad news to report. The good news is that you will get pussy quite easily. The bad news is that, for the most part, the owner of the pussy will be deeply hysterical by the time you cross paths with her and do not expect any kind of cure for it. If she has a daughter you can connect with — well, there might be another story of good news =_bad news+near-death drama thing you will be smiling about while on your death bed.


  20. on August 1, 2012 at 1:23 am Rihanna Deserved It

    “Beta” Female Game Explained:

    If this Amy girl had enough time to plan an elaborate, creepy video mashup then they must have been broken up for at least a few weeks. In that time, she probably stopped eating due to depression and lost a lot of weight (read: became skinny again). She then took a bunch of pictures and posted them on Facebook. Sure enough, the ex-boyfriend noticed. He completely forgot how annoying she used to be and regretted breaking up with her. She crawled back into his life giving him the upper hand and ending his dry spell.


  21. How can a girl tell if a guy is a true beta or an alpha using beta strategies?

    I am seeing this guy and the only thing that looks alpha in him is that he’s in a band. Otherwise he looks and acts totally beta.


    • he’s a beta that happens to be a band.

      what matters is how he acts, his mannerisms, attitudes, etc., most of the time.

      is it a boy band? lolz


    • on August 1, 2012 at 8:04 pm Mr. Pointyface

      Musician are somewhat outside the Alpha Beta hierarchy unless they are famous or terrible. They have fluid social mobility. Nietzsche remarked that he met many remarkable men who were mediocre artists and many mediocre men who were good academics.

      Musicians are generally intelligent beyond their social class.


      • I think that’s more true of Jazz and Classical musicians. With a few exceptions, most of my favorite musicians and bands are generally only mediocre in terms of brains. Even a guy like John Lennon or Paul McCartney are probably in the 115 to 120 IQ range.


      • nietsche was self-serving here. ever heard his musical compositions? 😉


      • I am visiting his country tomorrow. He’s been trying hard to please me (I will take you anywhere you want) and acting submissive (I know you will be busy, that you meet your friends but I really wanted to see you at least for coffee), as If he was trying to get a date with the queen bee, pursuing me (for every 3 texts he sends me, I send 1).. But as he is in a band know, he’s probably meeting more attention from girls now, so maybe this has been flaterring his ego.

        I’d like to know how I should act in order to keep my current status.


      • I mean, I like spending time with him and I think we have things in common, so I see him as LTR material, but I don’t want to be like the other girls for him, so (I guess) it would be a good strategy if I manage to make this situation linger.


  22. There is another – fairly rare – case, and you WON’T find her in a bar.

    The girl who for any reason THINKS she has a much lower SMV than
    she actually does. (Yes, I know, the opposite is more common or at least far more noticeable.) Playing it softly, reversing most of the “knock her down a peg ” game works here, and will greatly reward you.

    Such girls can be found in places not normally associated with dating,
    think libraries, museums – and possibly supermarkets.



  23. All the critiques of the letters is spot on. However, does a man really have to make a fight all the time. I usually just tell mine to leave me alone and don’t talk to me for X # of minutes, and I feel fine. If she sits there and stews for a while, it does not bother me, because she shuts up. She can really piss me off!

    I’m not sure doing something kind is always beta though? Nor do I think that being Alpha means you never have a soft spot. It is like saying you can only be one or the other. If you think I am wrong let me know.

    Either way great article, except for the begining, I loved it.


  24. I guess I unwittingly for option two. Looking back now. The freak I was dating I bounced to go for the wide eyed innocent girl who small kids and animals are drawn to. But I realized I wanted kids. She came from a good family I still see several times a week. If you want a young untouched wife you had better tone it down. She is still a model of the femenine. Despite being very successful in business. She also knows I don’t tolerate any bullshit when her hormones are cresting.


  25. Thank God MIL warned the Mrs. that it will suck for her only for a week or so. Afterwards that shit is fun. When we decided to try for a baby on round two. That was one wild weekend. The only times we weren’t naked was when we went out to eat.


  26. on August 1, 2012 at 11:59 am Mike Brewster

    I’m new to this site and I like it so far, so forgive me if this is a question you get all of the time, but aren’t you just dressing up betas in alpha clothes with your posts here? You go on at length about alpha vs. beta behavior, but alpha behavior should be a natural outgrowth of confidence and high “market value,” as you call it. I would think that other men’s beta behavior is ultimately an asset to the alphas out there, amirite?

    In a way a site like this can be useful as a validating principle for the more moral potential-alpha: “look, it’s ok to act like a dick to women. Don’t hold back, don’t be a nice guy, because you are outsmarting yourself and actually they hate that shit.”

    What do you think?


    • Alpha is not a function of money in the bank or the size of your biceps (though that does help). It comes from within you. Every man has it, but society has taught him to suppress, not express it.

      Alpha has nothing to do with morality. Morality is about good versus evil – alpha is about good versus bad (as in competence verses incompetence).


  27. OT, but edumacactional:

    Saw this while enjoying morning coffee. Laughed out loud thanks to 2+ years of reading this blog:

    Longtime visitors to the Chateau will recognize the symbology of modern American Female Marriage Fantasy:

    – significant wedding+engagement ring on the woman’s hand (but on-screen so briefly as to be almost subliminal)

    – good-looking but non-threatening/non-sexual (symbolized by he’s sleeping in a t-shirt) guy in bed

    – woman’s delight at being woken up by A Fucking Cat pawing at her face

    – supportive beta shoulder cuddle from the guy at the end (“Thanks honey for showing me that the cat is more important than me”)

    Spotting the alpha male here is left as an exercise to the reader.


  28. ” Number two is a specific game strategy designed to screen out girls who would make bad long term relationship prospects, and attract women who are looking to settle down.”

    Surprise! Girls worth a relationship prefer “betas” or whatever that is. Took a while to come here but here you are! 🙂

    [heartiste: your reading comprehension needs sharpening. signs of beta™ is not the same thing as 100% pure beta.]


    • ‘women who are looking to settle down’ is not synonymous with ‘girls worth a relationship’.


    • Or a “beta” with some percentage of “alpha”. And I doubt that real people were 100% either that often…


      • A 100% alpha as its encouraged here would be an insufferable prick. One has to mix it up with women. Too much of either is not good. But if you’re in an LTR, then you have learn to be genuine and loving most of the time if you want a happy LTR.


      • I can tell you from decades of experience and three kids later With a wife who still tells me she “needs” me when I have been working a lot. You hit the nail on the head.


      • That makes sense. Different people, different needs, all about what one is looking for. I was just, as a reader who finds this blog interesting but seldom agrees, surprised to see a view spelled out that was so…. mainstream.


  29. I had buddies long ago that used to deal a bit. Their stories about the c*&e whores opened my eyes to female behaviour I wanted kids. So because I wanted kids and a good mom. I went for the most unpolluted when wanting a wife. Who was very Religious.


  30. You had better also realize that pair bonding an old school virgin that has all rights to be called a Lady outside the bedroom. She will be jealeous as hell. My mistake for making her a better shot than me. Therefore I behave.


  31. I wonder – I haven’t spoken to an ex in a year and a half since a bad breakup. Would some beta creativity now help get her back after I overgamed her?


  32. on August 2, 2012 at 11:55 am The Chrome Microphone

    Great post for the most part but the ” He went to great lengths to tell her how he
    felt” example sounds totally pussy

    I bet she dumped him a month later

    Crying on the phone, walking 7 miles barefoot in the rain, then admitting it was his fault and he’s stupid for not having a landline (negating the alpha phone cut-off) when he could have just charged his fucking phone

    Sounds like a sitcom plot

    He’d have had to have fucked his girlfriend’s mum, beaten her on the regular and pissed on her face to wake her up at least twice to compensate for this bitch move


  33. […] Heartiste – A Little Pain Warms The Female Heart, Comment Of The Week, When Beta Male Strategies Can Work, Eye Contact Game, Fat Chicks Flaunt It, Pregnant Pause […]


  34. I need help….im a hot chick who’s picked and married a man most would consider a beta nerd type, i love him so and want to spend my life with him, but i previously fell only for alpha males that like to be a little on the extra harsh womanizing side and loved every min of it…is there help for my new hubby? now that he knows he has me secured can i help bring out his ahole side a little more? I even wouldnt mind if he could turn more into not just alpha but super dominate too

    [heartiste: kick him hard in the nuts. if he winces and says “what did i do to you to deserve this?”, his beta is congenital. it will never go away. if he yells “what the fuck, bitch?!”, he’s salvageable.

    ps i give you 9 out of 10 trolls. well done.]