Curing Oneitis

A reader emails:

I rarely ask for help for anything, but I have been reading your blog for around two years. I have no problem attracting women, I generally bed a new girl every two weeks or so if I feel like it. My problem is one-itis. As repugnant of a feeling it is, and something I must admit, I need to help from the most powerful and knowledgeable source to handle this problem.

I pushed all in on my first girlfriend in terms of hard earned mental, emotional, and physical resources and she is a viper that is legend in circles around me now. She extorted more then half my money, conspired to put me into jail, almost gave me aids, and fucked all of my best friends at the time. If I was kidding, I wouldn’t be writing you this.

For the last SEVEN YEARS I have not been able to get her out of my head. I think of this person every day. I have dated seriously 20+ women in that span of time, and all of those relationships suffered because of this. This woman was the devil, and by and large the best fuck I have ever had. I would cum six times a day with her.

I have had threesomes (girl girl me of course), I have fucked a pornstar and a lingerie model. I am just a 25 year old pasty white hacker, but my conversations are empowering and I leave girls better then I found them. This girl though, has taken my soul.

I want it back.

Tell me lords of poon, commanders of cunt, sycophants of the “sleeve of wizard”…How do I move past this? Every girl I fuck only makes this insatiable hunger to have that kind of attraction in my life again worse. It’s starting to effect [sic] me.

Yes, the Chateau is aware this may be a fake email. But it doesn’t matter. The email provides a good excuse to riff on a new topic.

Oneitis is a disease of the amygdala that presents as a total incapacitation of the man’s logic, reason and interest in hobbies, hygiene and restful sleep. Oneitis exists in two forms, a precoital and postcoital expression of the virus. The precoital, or “#1 crush”, form occurs when two conditions are met: A girl possesses a precise beauty of the face that closely matches the beauty template the man carries in his head for the perfect woman, and this girl is within the man’s visual and aural field. The postcoital, or “no girl will ever be as good as her”, form occurs when the same conditions are met, with the additional factor that the man has boffed the girl and is now not boffing her.

More simply:

Beauty + proximity = acute oneitis

Beauty + former proximity + memories = malignant oneitis

Malignant oneitis is much more damaging to a man’s health and self-esteem because it tends to be resistant to therapeutic intervention. Acute oneitis is often solved rather simply by administering an alpha-pak of anti-obsessives, which are slutty women almost as good looking as the infectious agent but more enzymatically compatible. Side effects include drowsiness after finally busting a nut in a flesh and blood sex partner.

Once the oneitis is triggered, it assumes a life of its own, burdening the victim with crippling flights of fancy and obsessive-complusive daydreaming when the object of lust is not around. Oneitis can also blind the victim to alternative sexual opportunities in his midst, and this will later present as extreme, possibly suicidal, regret in forty years.

The reader/patient is diagnosed with a case of malignant oneitis, a particularly aggressive seven year strain. Testing revealed a subcutaneous betaness in an advanced stage of metastasization. The patient was admitted to mindfucking surgery immediately in an effort to excise the betaness and help him “move past it”. Treatment included a review of his intervening girlfriends and flings and an accurate, third party reviewed self-assessment, followed by a slap upside the head. Contraindications include memory- and photo-assisted masturbation and drinking alone. Conclusions follow.

The patient says his first girlfriend — they have been broken up for seven years — was his greatest emotional investment. If his description of her is to be believed, she is a high ranking member of the League of Extraordinary Cunts. Yet we are left to wonder why such a low down dirty blast force bitch would earn so much of his efforts? Our team of medical specialists decided she must have been one hot little minx with a golden vagina.

The patient arrived distressed, and was quick to claim he has no problem attracting women, and that he has dated 20+ women since the breakup. Each subsequent relationship ended in a flameout, because his oneitis had ruined his ability to build and maintain an emotional connection with them. (Somewhere, a lonely beta gently caresses his flaccid member, crying on the inside for a fuckbuddy with whom he can fail to emotionally connect.)

The patient also claims to have left the runner-up girls better than he found them. (Please, it is to laugh. If you are an alpha, no girl is going to feel better when you leave her. If she does, you’re doing it wrong.)

Most tellingly, the patient admitted that each new fucktoy only served to remind him of what he no longer has.

Let’s cut to the chase. There are two primary causes for malignant oneitis.

1. Investment raises the value of a girl.

You are naturally going to value that which you spent much effort winning over. We value what we think is worth more, and what is worth more is what we worked hardest to get and keep. You poured your blood and guts into a chick who stole your money, nearly gave you AIDS, got you in trouble with the law, and, most damning of all, fucked your best friends. In the end, she dumped you. In your mind’s value abacus, you rationalize your needy behavior, and her careless behavior, by assigning a much higher value to her than to yourself.

2. The girls who came after the oneitis were not as good looking.

Yeah, I know you say you have no trouble getting girls, but in every case I have examined up close, including my own, the supposed “hot” girls that couldn’t make the man forget about his oneitis ex were in actuality not as hot as the ex. Every man claims it’s “something else” about the oneitis which captivates him, and that it’s not about looks, but that is just ego assuaging bullshit. Nearly every time, the runners up are exactly that — runners up to your ex’s hotness.

I remember this six-month oneitis I was nursing. In the interim, I had gone on a tear through an assortment of women, only to discover that none could do what I wanted them to do, which was to erase her memory completely, or at least detoxify the memories by pushing them into smaller and smaller neural crevices. I wanted my oneitis reduced from a maudlin reminiscence to a harmless nostalgia. Finally, at month six, I met a girl who had a better body, and a hotter face, than my oneitis. I’ll spare you the details of what happened next, because there aren’t any details — my oneitis was instantly cured. Presto whammo. Just like that. I had a new sparkly object in which to discharge my demon seed.

So the rule of thumb is not GFTOW, it’s GFTOHW (go fuck ten other hotter women). No oneitis can withstand such an assault on its mind warping parasitism. Of course, by fucking ten other hotter women, you risk ten-itis, which is a perpetual ringing in the ear caused by all the sex screams of your exes.

The corollary to the above rules is that if you are carelessly and indifferently drowning your sorrows in uglier pussy, your oneitis will GET WORSE. Fucking less attractive chicks, (which will become ridiculously easy if you have game, since your game + oneitis-fueled aloof attitude is a very potent blend of chick crack), will throw your past success into stark relief. You are probably better off wanking it than bedding unsatisfactory girls.

There are two cures for malignant oneitis, and each depends on the man’s libido. Men who can go a few weeks or months without sex should avoid banging lesser girls in favor of putting in the work to find a girl with equal or better looks than the oneitis.

Men with high libidos would do well to fuck around indiscriminantly for a while until they settle on a girl who is the equal or better of their oneitis. A very horny man in the grip of oneitis will sulk unproductively if he doesn’t have a play pussy to occupy his attention. Such men can emotionally handle fucking lesser chicks without it messing with their self-conception.

Another important point to make is that men who have tight game will never recapture the glory of their first sexual experiences when the raw emotions flooded them with abandon. Game is like coke: The highs are always great, but each snort numbs your brain a little more. When you can attract an acceptable number of good looking girls at will, the sex is going to become less momentous. It’s an occupational hazard. In comparison to your current game-fueled bounty, an ex from long ago will seem of outsized importance in your mind simply because your emotions then were more uncontrollable and etched a stronger impression on your memory. In reality, that first love may not be as objectively good as the girls you are currently fucking, but your mind has played a trick on you and you can no longer make an unbiased judgement.

The patient is therefore released from Le Clinique Chateau with these instructions:

– Take a month off from actively skirt chasing.

– Don’t burn your ex’s photos, but do store them in a lockbox in the attic where it would be a pain for you to conveniently access. Burning photos and other memorabilia is a powerfully symbolic act that ironically reinforces her importance in your life. Better to nonchalantly store that shit like it was any other old knickknack you no longer have use for.

– When you return to the field, focus on gaming girls hotter than what you are used to. This is like weightlifting: you need to incrementally go up in difficulty to see any progress. The challenge will help you concentrate on the present instead of the past.

– When you meet a girl you really like, invest in her. Don’t go for the bang right away. You want to increase her value in your mind, and the way to do that is, one, to make sure she’s hot, and two, to take your time winning her over. Sluts are not gonna cure your oneitis, but hard-to-get girls will.

– Finally, if none of the above works, scour the earth for a woman who is as beautifully evil as your ex was, and fall in love with her before you’ve said “hi”. The ensuing passionate fling and humiliating breakup should replace your old oneitis with a new oneitis, which, if nothing else, is at least a change of scenery.

A graphical representation of the patient’s progress:





Comments


  1. faust

    Like


  2. […] Oneitis Curing Oneitis Citizen Renegade To the guys, we've all met this girl. I've seen a lot of guys on here talking about ball crushing […]

    Like


  3. CR can draw.

    So much is conveyed despite the use of stick figures.

    Liked by 1 person


  4. I think most guys who have dated have a girl that got away. not a full-blown oneitis, but at least one where we wish we had done things differently. part of life, keeps us human.

    Like


  5. I can’t believe you actually resposnded to this email. My god. You couldn’t tell the whole email was a joke? A ruse? And you fell for it beautifully. Read it again.

    “I have had threesomes (girl girl me of course), I have fucked a pornstar and a lingerie model. I am just a 25 year old pasty white hacker, but my conversations are empowering and I leave girls better then I found them. This girl though, has taken my soul.”

    “I rarely ask for help for anything, but I have been reading your blog for around two years. I have no problem attracting women, I generally bed a new girl every two weeks or so if I feel like it. My problem is one-itis. As repugnant of a feeling it is, and something I must admit, I need to help from the most powerful and knowledgeable source to handle this problem.”

    I hope I don’t have to point out the red flags to you. Do you see the flying banners of bullshit and ego-stroking deception. You just got played. Like the chick in NY with the CFO and the eastern european.

    Like


  6. the cure to oneitis: go fuck a prostitute who is a 10. you can afford to lose 350 $ per hour you fucktard.

    Like


  7. I like the House-esque differential diagnosis.
    and the part about game being like coke. You posted before about how game is destroying your ability to feel love (http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/04/01/game-is-pushing-me-away-from-love/). It’s so true. But it’s also bullshit. Emotions are just chemicals, and you have to realize that, and try to get past it. You have to realize that when you invest in someone, you are more likely to have positive feelings for them… like that old foot in the door psychology experiment where you’re more likely to vote for someone if you wear one of their buttons, even if its just as a favor to a friend.

    But those positive feelings are just your brain chemicals tricking you. Fuck your chemicals.

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  8. @Escarondito

    Don’t you see that it doesn’t matter. The issues are what matters. Oneitis is a problem that a lot of men have to deal with. That email, fake/real/whatever is a springboard into the whole issue.

    Like


  9. Hah, I took some 8 seconds working out the stick figure from “Before”, but then I laughed.

    Thanks for that. 😀

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  10. I needed this today. Thank you.

    Like


  11. Oh my fucking God.

    This is why I read this blog.

    The wankers can call me a Roissy ball-licking yapping poodle, and this dude’s ego is quite frankly big enough,

    But this was score.

    Like


  12. And Escarondito,

    Who gives a shit if the letter was a fake, or if RC made it up himself.

    Response made my damned day.

    Like


  13. @ Esca

    I totally thought this was fake, too. A pasty white computer hacker pulling new pussy off the street every two weeks? For threesomes and shit??

    GTFOH.

    Like


  14. vagine that hang like SOW

    This woman was the devil, and by and large the best fuck I have ever had. I would cum six times a day with her.

    The Cure is simple:

    take TWO of these
    & call me in the morning

    Like


  15. it all sounds suspicious

    Like


  16. @Escarondito

    Yes, I’m skeptical of the fact that this self-confessed pasty hacker is having threesomes with porn stars and lingerie models.

    I am also skeptical of the fact that this 25-year-old broke up with this girl seven years ago, meaning he was 18 at the time, and this 18-year-old was having problems with a girl who extorted half his money (so what, five hundred dollars?) and tried to put him in jail (maybe in juvie?)

    As for the “leave them better than you found them”, though, it doesn’t mean you leave them *feeling* better than you find them. It just means that in the long term they will be better people for having been briefly exposed to your awesome paragon-of-humanity-ness. If I recall correctly it was Casanova who pioneered this particular turn of phrase.

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  17. dragnet

    @ Esca

    I totally thought this was fake, too. A pasty white computer hacker pulling new pussy off the street every two weeks? For threesomes and shit??

    GTFOH.

    Hey, dood went to
    A Seminar

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  18. @ nest @ dragnet @science @ gorb

    It’s bullshit clearly. Granted this is not going to damage someones life for awhile like the NYC female post did, but this is still dumb.

    Someone from jezebel, or feministing, or some other roissy hating site clearly put this shit up. Where’s Wendy Schwartz?

    The reason I’m calling this out gorb. Is because while you are lapping at roissy’s balls those chicks are laughing at you. They picked the most extreme qualities and created an untrue fantasy for the inner beta and you don’t want to come out the rabbit hole. THEY ARE PLAYING YOU.

    If I am wrong. Then this man is amazing, but needs to get over the succubus. But…I’m almost positive I am right.

    Come on guys. A pasty faced white boy, who wooooooos women every 2 weeks with his great convos. They are toying with your mystery and style fantasies.

    You have been found out emailer.

    [Editor: You’re missing the big picture. It doesn’t matter if the email is fake. Hell, every email to the Chateau could be fake. But we here like to use these emails as springboards to riff on larger topics. And to have an excuse to draw virtuoso MS Paints.]

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  19. All he needs to do is realize that hate isn’t the opposite of love/lust, indifference is. Master the phrase “I don’t care”. Take whatever symbolic steps you want to acknowledge the separation (like dropping her pics in the garbage, or better, if you aren’t in them giving them to a friend).
    Sure, meet other people, but in the end, you have to be indifferent to her. She may have given you a good time, but in the end, she doesn’t matter anymore.

    Like


  20. @ Firepower.

    I am convinced now.

    Re-read it SLOWLY.

    It reads like a fantasy novel of the beta programmer turns sex god.

    It is a farce.

    Break from the matrix and check the code thoroughly. It hits way too many different points. Too much contradiction.

    Gets 20+ every 2 weeks = one itis?

    Pasty programmer = seducer extrodinaire?

    Do you not see the ego-stroking?

    “Tell me lords of poon, commanders of cunt, sycophants of the “sleeve of wizard”…

    “I need to help from the most powerful and knowledgeable source to handle this problem” = MASSIVE Ego-stroking

    You’re falling for it. Stop it. CR you fell for it the moment you dropped this super large post.

    Like


  21. Oh the forces you have been meddling in!

    You must find a higher power, a power that renders the pu$$y powerless and in its proper place.

    I would suggest where to begin to find this higher power, but the journey is up to you. A clue would be the knowledge that MEN are designed to be sperm/gene transfer machines. Everything beyond this in our personalities is to aid us in fulfilling the goal of reproduction.

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  22. Fakery, hoaxing – or even ‘artistic license’ from our host – is moot, when you consider the valuable advice the act prompted.

    Plus, them cartoons rawk

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  23. @ Editor

    I can understand the fact that you are using it as a springboard to the topic of one-itis.

    But , me personally, I would acknowledge that it is likely fake before I post a response. Otherwise, like how it would be without my and others decries of made-up!, you look like a chump to the feminists , or whoever it was, who created this who falls for ego-stroking no matter how bull-shit the story is.

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  24. Calling BS on the Lingerie/ Porn * BS

    Even Gates who is above, had to marry a harpie from his PR dept.

    Hypothetical CURE =

    View her today!

    7 years will destroy beauty of 85% of Women

    My Case in points:

    29yo Yoga teacher featured on cover of NY MAG after 15 yrs…she went from 9 to 6

    29yo Polish Lingerie Model……after 7 yrs she went from 8 to 6.

    6s are hard to remember.

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  25. I believe every man must go trough a oneites phase in his life.

    it is like in the Nietches saying:

    What does not kills you makes you stronger.

    After you suffer from oneitis and heal back you are unable to fall in love so hard ever again. It makes you more pragmatical for all your life. You dont belive there is one perfect women any more. In the begininng you view this sober and sharp discovery of truth as a curse, later you realise it is a blessing.

    I belive oneitis roots not in love but in FEAR. A man who has many women to choose from or who does not fear being alone will not catch oneitis. Therefore it sounds suspicious to me that someone who beds many girls can still have oneitis. It might be a fiction

    Thus while roisy’s advice is correct it misses one final remedy that must be investigated if all other fail. Or perhaps it is the formost remedy that must be taken befoe all others. It is to to eliminate fear from the soul of a person who suffers oneitis.

    Fear can cause oneities. it can be fear from loneliness or from rejecton, but not necessary. Any fear even if it is a fear from something not connected with women at all can make a man to seek a protective mother figure in a women and that women is likely to be the one that he had no control over – his cruel ex. Women whom he cantrols cannot fulfill this role.

    It is like in Star Wars, where Anakin was very powerful jedi(just like the author might be apowerful player) but his fear ultimately led to his downfall.

    I sense that this letter is a fiction or I sense great fear in its author.

    But just like Anakin all people who have oneitis and seek mommy in relationships and seek emotional dependance have a common denominator- they had no father or a weak one. Man who grows up without a father is unsure of the power of his roots, he lives like if earth would be moving unstably under his feet. A strong father and only he can make a person fell sure of his past and thus of his present and future. A man who has his father in heart will not seek emotional depandance from a women and will see them all as his subordinate harem girls.

    So I have two more healing steps to show that Roissy could not.

    1. Refuse from your fear.

    2.Find your Father.

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  26. Escondarito, why are you so hung up on whether or not the letter-writer is telling the truth? Would the advice given be any less sound if the letter were completely fictional?

    Roissy, you are one of the few people I have come across who has correctly pluralized “runner-up.” I swooned a little.

    Like


  27. @ Ubermind

    “Find your Father.”

    Absentee and now dead.

    Like


  28. Wise advice here, at the end of this article.

    I will add, along the lines of the “don’t burn the photos” suggestion:

    Oneitis is a demon. A true hot-blooded scoundrel doesn’t fear or fight his demons: he makes friends with them.

    Anyone who is busy trying really, really hard to avoid feeling the dreaded One-itis, and doing everything he can to keep his attention away from it, is only reinforcing its importance in his mind. Meanwhile his soul will redoubles its efforts to envelop him with all of the attendant (and supposedly awful) emotions.

    Who knows why you loved her. We aren’t always after what ‘seems’ best for us. Maybe you were looking to get broken, hurt, or worse; sometimes our hearts do that in order to get us to feel something we are refusing to feel, to bust through our mind’s cold constructions and liberate us from some mimetic/conscious baggage. This is a good thing and not worth getting stuck on.

    Sometimes if we sink into it and unblock the flow of emotions a little bit, and allow ourselves to go through it, we see that our deeper, inner mind (heart, soul, etc) can conspire against our heads in order to help us grow. And in accepting this we start to see that the image of such-and-such a girl was nothing more than a kind of pivot that our deepest desires used to teach us our lesson, to get us to face certain emotions or realities. Who she is and what she is all about becomes not so important and one-itis turns to dust.

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  29. yeah, bullshit, but I think it’s just either the author or our host slightly exaggerated on the details. Not some “attack” (wtf?)
    And big WTF on allegedly guys with game not buying a notch per two weeks? Huh?

    Anyway, post is excellent and timing is uncanny… My 2c – like with any addiction first of all you need to want to quit. And unless you’re dealing with real bitch like above, that’s the problem.

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  30. All this advice is great for gamers with oneitis, but I suspect (yes, sadly, from personal experience) that a lot of betas also get oneitis and cannot cure it with more pussy because, well, they’re betas.

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  31. @ ubermind

    Good points.

    @ aunt

    Cause I just don’t understand responding to bullshit. It’s email trollism, but for a godo and proper cause I guess. Go figure…;)

    Like


  32. Jack Arthur,

    Brilliant! It’s about our own lessons and our emotions. Well said.

    Like


  33. “Calling BS on the Lingerie/ Porn * BS

    Even Gates who is above, had to marry a harpie from his PR dept.

    Hypothetical CURE =

    View her today!

    7 years will destroy beauty of 85% of Women”

    Horrible advice. Who wants to have the emotional lifeblood leaking out of their heart for YEARS for the wounds to heal?

    True, nothing kills a oneitis like a your ex falling to the ravages of time and nature (hello 50 lbs weight gain and crows feet); but this is unreliable and depends entirely on HER. What happens if she stays in shape and ages well. Idle waiting is the weak passive non-strategy.

    The best strategy is to make everyday, that you can, an adventure. If you’re stuck in the repitition of routine, the events of your shared past will seem all the more recent; you’ll have nothing else “new” to think of. Everyday will be the same and nothing will stand out; consequently your brain will focus on the last memorable life event that you expirenced: your “oneitis”.

    If your life is well lived and willed with new loves, new lays, and new adventures then the shared time you’re trying to forget will be all the more hazy and seldomly recalled- simply because of all the other expirences you’ve crammed into your brain in the interem; it’s harder to pull a specific doodad from a pile of crap then it is if its sitting by its lonesome.

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  34. Quit trolling for hits Escondarito.

    I could give a fuck less if the e-mail is fake – like Gorbachev said, it was the response that made this post golden because it applies to so many cats I know including myself.

    …had a nutty broad that I let damned near ruin my life about 6 years ago who was fine as fuck not to mention totally sexually compatible. If I would have been up on this knowledge back then I could have avoided the malignant oneitis that I went through for almost two years.

    Vintage Roissy.

    Also agree w/ the suggestion of Silver Fox – that definitely works as well.

    Like


  35. No one cares about the email itself. All I got from it was “seven years of blah blah blah.” All the TMI, was TMI. I skipped it to see if Roissy had anything interesting to say.

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  36. Interesting how #1 is one of the underlying premises behind the Rules and most other GirlGame lit. Investment is investment, the secret is always figuring out to get a man to stay around. Usually by getting him to work really hard to “win” her over in a way where he enjoys the chase. Only works with the right relative sxual market value for

    Like


  37. I can see a coffeetable book coming out one day with all of roissy’s posts interspersed with the solidgold ms paint pics.

    bestseller.

    Like


  38. Top post, Ubermind.

    I no longer get oneitus but suffered from the affliction for many years of my life. Only in my 30s am I learning to live without its effects. Even once someone is cured or made immune to oneitus – they then have to learn how to live life no longer shackled by its ball and chain. It takes time. It’s like someone abusing drugs for 10 years, then going into rehab, completing the program successfully, and then going back out into society again – it can take time to learn how to live life again, free of the crutch of their drug of choice.

    Liked by 1 person


  39. @aw geez

    Don’t do, and never have trolled for hits. Keep those shit accusations to yourself.

    I agree with the message CR gave, I’m just suspect about the sender. Maybe you guys don’t get as disgusted by ego-stroking as I do. Also, I would think CR would be wary of responding to BS emails after that last fiasco. As well, I have a history of not tolerating BS or stupidity. It’s why I never got drunk white boys fighting over a girl who couldn’t care less and trying to act tough in front of their girls. That shit won’t make your penis swole. Someone trying to pull one over annoys me because it shows that they actually thought I was dumb enough to not notice.

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  40. Well, fake email or not, this one was timely for me. My last LTR very nearly ruined me financially, took me to court over utter bullshit, and tells everyone who will listen what a liar and cheat and thief I am. Yet I CANNOT GET THIS BITCH OUT OF MY HEAD. And, yes, a little game (I’m still very much a beginner) plus oneitus-inspired aloofness is indeed chick crack. Alas, the aloofness is, for the first time in my life, genuine. To the point that I have little interest in going out at all. And the less interest I show the more they throw themselves at me. If I could just get over HER I’d be swimming in pussy. Advice?

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  41. “It’s why I never got drunk white boys fighting over a girl who couldn’t care less and trying to act tough in front of their girls.”

    What is the context of this? The sentence doesn’t seem to make sense to me.

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  42. Ironically having powerful oneitis for a woman makes you far more attractive to all other women.

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  43. on September 21, 2010 at 3:46 pm Ari Hinkelberger

    Totally brilliant fucking post. Totally nails it. I can attest to the fact that no matter how many women you fuck, if she isn’t hotter than the ex, you’ll never get over the ex.

    It’s a sick world out there.

    Brilliant!

    Like


  44. @withnail

    I dislike, lack of awareness, stupidity, bs. Guys who drink and act tough in front of girlfriends who couldnt care are stpuid, not aware, and full of BS if they need that liqour to act tough.

    get it now?

    Like


  45. @Southern Man,

    Pure discipline. As time passes you’ll be rewarded internally, as your aloofness has been honed and sculpted into a japanese bonzai tree. This steely discipline you will have cultivated will then pay off with external rewards, as you rise like a phoenix from the ashes and bathe in the new glow of even more pussy. But the key is, and always has been, discipline.

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  46. The question is how did your Oneitis make you feel. The answer is embedded in your feelings. Replicate those feelings in other areas of your life, not replicate the woman, cause it’s impossible…. there is only one of her.

    BTW, Firepower, what seminar!?hehehe!! lol!!

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  47. Southern Man – Welcome to the club – my ex (who is also the mother of my child) slanders me to no end – to anyone who will listen. That alone made me get over my oneitus. Who needs that shyt?

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  48. Even CR noted that it didn’t matter if the e-mail was legitimate (it probably isn’t) – it was a conversation starter, and a rather hilarious one at that.

    This actually ties into a thought I had back in the day when I first read this blog. One concept that is repeated over and over again is that a woman would rather spend five minutes with an alpha than spend five years with a doting beta, with the corollary that, if a woman has spent five minutes with an alpha, they won’t settle for a beta until they absolutely have to (i.e. their ovaries are turning pruney), and even then under extreme duress (i.e. they’ll strip the beta of every asset – past, present, and future – that they can get their hands on after they convince the poor chump to conceive the genetically ruined child that results when you mix 40+-year-old genetic material together). Based on personal experience, I always kind of wondered if that wasn’t true for men, too. If you’ve been with someone that you normally considered “out of your league”, even if she was a complete mental case and was objectively horrible for your personal well-being (in much the same way that many alphas are objectively terrible for women’s health), it’s not uncommon to obsess about them and use them as something of a “measuring stick”, frequently with disastrous results.

    I’m glad that CR touched on this, acknowledged the phenomena’s existence, and also offered a prescription. I’ll further add that, when confronted with a bad case of malignant oneitis, if you really must think about your object of devotion at all, it’s best to remember the worst times (your friends will help with this – trust me), then ask yourself if you’d put up with a male friend who put you through such grief. This takes advantage of the following rule of thumb:

    If you wouldn’t put up with it when a guy does it, why would you put up with it when a woman does it?

    Vagina is fungible. Embrace the social commoditization of female genitalia and embrace game-powered social arbitrage!

    Like


  49. @Escarondito – right with ya bud.

    Like


  50. If the e-mail is fake I will tell you this, the letter very closely resembles a story from my own life. That’s enough for me.

    Like


  51. “Ironically having powerful oneitis for a woman makes you far more attractive to all other women.”

    Incorrect. Not if you are pining for her, and she is ignoring you.

    Like


  52. Whitnail I hear ya except I’ve got the opposite problem– my ex and mother of my child and I went through a brutal divorce (I initiated)…I returned to my alpha roots and bang many gals, but still loved her (she was my 1st love, mother of my son, known her 16 years, etc).

    Now 1 year later we are banging, I use my alpha aloofness on her (painful as it is) and she is hinting at getting back together. She tells me she loves me but also matches my game with her own aloofness. Had a few sex withdrawel fights which I hate myself for falling into.

    Very hard to maintain alpha frame with her all the time (with all the other gals it is piece of cake) but I think I’m doing a better than average job. Point is sometime pure hatred is preferable to the grey zone…

    Like


  53. I’m not dismissing nor diminishing the pain some of you have gone through, but I see something positive in all of this. Some of you are capable of having deep, strong feelings and have allowed and taken the risk to be open enough and vulnerable enough to have been in such intimate relationships. Good for you all.

    Like


  54. I have a serious case of post-coital oneitis now. This chick I’m currently banging has me head over heals. I never wanted it to get this far, but she pursued me and told me that she really really likes me and at one point during sex told me she loves me.

    I’m 4 years older than her and she is a total flake (she is 25). While I don’t doubt that she meant it when she said she has feelings for me, but she has never had a serious boyfriend, and her emotions unpredictable and flighty. She is always flirting and drawing attention to herself. Basically your prototypical Eternal Ingenue – only child raised by a single mother.

    The problem is I KNOW it’s not going to work out. There is no taming this beast. Her self esteem is based around attracting men and when she gets the slightest bit bored with me it will be over. I want to get her out of my head so when it all comes crashing down I won’t be curled up on the couch in a fetal position cursing the day I met her. But I can’t. I seriously doubt that I will ever meet a girl as hot as this one.

    What should I do?? Please help!

    Like


  55. “almost gave me AIDS.” What could that mean? That reminds me. You should conduct a poll here; how many people still believe HIV travels female-male. Let’s see how many people go, “What about Magic Johnson.” Right.

    Like


  56. on September 21, 2010 at 4:08 pm The Rational Male

    1. I’m betting roissy himself concocted the email.

    2. It doesn’t matter.

    3. I love how the cock in picture #1 is frowning and the cock in #2 is smiling.

    4. I wouldn’t call it oneitis, but the last chick I was with is proving to be difficult to remove from the deepest recesses of my brain. She is a certifiable babe. Nearly flawless body and an 8+ face when she puts her mind to it. Plus, she is very feminine.

    Aside from that, she proved herself to be a basketcase. Like, serious emotional problems, drug/alcohol abuse issues, you name it.

    So what is it about her that makes it so hard to put her in my past? It has to be her model looks and her feminine personality. When you find a girl who presses all of the right attraction switches it’s hard to get rid of her. Kind of like being stranded in the desert and having to pass by an oasis because the water is poisoned. It looks soooo tempting, but you know better than to drink from its tainted well.

    Liked by 1 person


  57. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I hate to say that I am in the middle of a similar terminal oneitis situation.

    Said girl has a pretty face, but is overweight and a known slut. Despite seeing other, sexier, girls I am still stuck thinking about her day and night.

    The only reason I am so drawn to her is her adamant desire to stay single. Any advice on re-framing the situation would be appreciated.

    Like


  58. @Lemmy

    “The only reason I am so drawn to her is her adamant desire to stay single.”

    We always want we can’t have.

    Like


  59. “Some of you are capable of having deep, strong feelings and have allowed and taken the risk to be open enough and vulnerable enough to have been in such intimate relationships.”

    What –

    That’s my problem. I’m a romantic and I guess nowadays that’s not what the ladies want.

    Like


  60. This was an interesting post.

    I think the diagnosis is right on, although I think the email was a fake (almost gave me aids? wha?)

    I’ve had one itis for 7 years over a histrionic little cunt I met as a freshman in college. Now in remission, I guess, but she still is my go-to image for wanking. It’s just as Roissy said. I’ve never been close to being with another one who compares. She had this angelic face, big blue eyes and creamy perfect skin, a perfect apple bottom, and perfect little pink nipples.

    I bet there are TONS of guys, if not most guys, married ones included, who have the same thing going on.

    Why? Hundreds of years of dysgenic breeding practices and third-world/south euro immigration.

    The flowers that bloom atop a vast lake of shit are hard to forget.

    Like


  61. Seth,

    You’re wrong. You must be seeking the wrong type. They are out there…go get them!!

    To answer your question:

    @Seth

    “I seriously doubt that I will ever meet a girl as hot as this one.”

    The issue is your disbelieve you’ll meet anyone as hot as her.

    BELIEVE!

    Like


  62. Thanks for helping us be better men, man.

    Like


  63. KUATO IS MY WINGMAN.

    Like


  64. whatever. ‘always keep 2 in the kitty’ is the fucking cure.

    Like


  65. @R

    “High ranking member of the League of Extraordinary Cunts.”

    Haha very nice. As a regular traveler of poon paradise I approve this message.

    Like


  66. I’m currently banging the hottest woman I’ve ever seen in real life.

    If my GF and I break up, it will crush me. It’s crucial that she never know this.

    She has no idea I’m running the biggest bluff ever: All my aloof, devil-may-care attitude is put-on. I’m so way our of my league that there’s likely no chance for me to ever repeat this.

    This means: I can only imagine the one-itis I’m going to have forever if I fuck this up.

    This fake letter of Roissy’s pales by comparison. I could sport-fuck my way through the entire Dallas Cowboys cheerleader squad and not cure the one-itis I’ll have if this ends.

    So here’s the question: What the hell do you do when the only direction you can go is down?

    Hang on tight?

    But not LOOK like you’re hanging on tight, right?

    Fuck me, this is hard.

    Like


  67. what

    The question is how did your Oneitis make you feel. The answer is embedded in your feelings. Replicate those feelings in other areas of your life, not replicate the woman, cause it’s impossible…. there is only one of her.

    I am sorry, dear, no, no , NO! 🙂

    1. One-itis makes one feel awful. QED that replicating those feelings into other areas of life is, to put it mildly, unproductive. One-itis is a corrosive state of mind that overrides all other faculties and makes a hash of them. A patient knows being a fool, but can’t help it. One-itis parasitic mindset is the master and the patient is puppet.

    2. One-itis does not start after a breakup. It takes a hold while in a relationship. Infection is easily prevented by mastering the game. People usually think that the Game is a way how to put the other sex in its place. Sure, but one of its components is how to override one’s baggage of irrational, stupid and counterproductive behavioral traits and patterns. In some aspects, this is a more important part, the rest follows if the core is set right.

    3. There is a lot of women like her. Close replicas. One wants less of her, not more of her (in fascimiles) to get cured. As Roissy noted, the best course is an override. Find a target that is as far from a facsimile as can be, but is in some aspects/attributes better, the more of better attributes, the quicker the cure. After some period of time, in retrospection, you can view the one-itis case like a film and pinpoint exactly the stages of progression and see what you may have done to prevent getting ill.

    Unless a man is utterly devoid of emotional dimension, the likelihood that one-itis will happen once is fairly high.

    Had it once. She was a model material, solid 9, a bit petitte, but very nicely done proportionally, though B cup breasts, somewhat an athletic type, wavy haired brunette. Intelligent. She was a lawyer (advice: ruuuuun! :-)).

    Oh boy, what a mess… I were. I was doing fine before her, but got hit hard with the infection.

    After locating some facsimiles, it occurred to me that I am getting worse. I changed a tack and started looking for the antidote. My 1st wife was one–she had the obtuse pubic angle and that alone flipped the switch, and despite being 7.5 (she was the type that stays 7.5 for a long time), her C cup exquisitely sculpted breast and the whole figure just screaming female, nearly as tall as me, artist and making my flagpole rise involuntarily, that all cured my one-itis in a swoosh. I fact, about 4 weeks after I got into a relationship with my future wife, I were walking on one side of the street with her and my one-itis GF on the other side in the opposite direction. She saw me, but in that peculiar way, pretending she did not. For me, it was a good test. Nothing, she was just someone I once knew, no thread, not even my pulse reacted by increased rate.

    (Later, years later, my wife turned out to be a borderline schizo. It was like living with a family of her internal demons. But she was my cure for one-itis)

    Like


  68. You’ve lost your alpha frame by harboring this line of thinking Gorb.

    Like


  69. That penis sure knows how to balance. Its owner could get it hired at SeaWorld.

    Like


  70. @Gorb

    Keep your distance though Chewie but dont look like you’re trying to keep your distance.

    I dunno — fly casual.

    Words of Alpha Male numero uno — Han Solo

    Like


  71. And while I know we all like to be reductionist and ground one-itis in looks alone, that is a critical component of course, but not entirely all of it. Yes, I have banged objectively better looking women than the one I still love. Availability / scarcity plays a major role, as do numerous other factors.

    However, as Roissy alluded to in his “game makes it harder to fall in love” post (or whatever it’s called), the mindset I take heading into banging “new” broads necessarily makes me closed to them. Or put differently, the easier I find it to fuck women, the sooner I tire of them.

    Like


  72. @Gorbachev:

    So here’s the question: What the hell do you do when the only direction you can go is down?

    Hang on tight?

    But not LOOK like you’re hanging on tight, right?

    Fuck me, this is hard.

    This is called relationship game. She’s with you because she likes you for some reason. Don’t worry about oneitis. Just play it as you have been and if its meant to work out it will. You think she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, but that’s also a personal preference. Not everyone will pick the same woman as their dream girl. She probably matches your mental template for the ideal female face and body. No matter how beautiful the woman, you get used to them and get spoiled. Oneitis is caused as much by an emotional and physical connection as anything else, that is often removed from actual beauty. The same is true of good sex. If you believed in astrology, I could tell you if it can last or not, but you don’t believe in that stuff.

    Like


  73. @Mukluk

    You’ve lost your alpha frame by harboring this line of thinking Gorb.

    With this one, my “alpha frame” was always touch-and-go. She’s one of those women you see and don’t count as female because you can never possibly reach that high.

    I never had much of an alpha frame with her. I survived because I calculated every move, watched every step, managed everything on a micro-level. I even kept a little on the side to make sure I had options (but let’s be honest, by comparison, the options weren’t options).

    My Beta core keeps cropping up, and I keep having to beat the bastard down. Beat it down mercilessly.

    But the blighter just won’t go away.

    @Tkarrde
    Keep your distance though Chewie but dont look like you’re trying to keep your distance.

    I dunno — fly casual.

    Words of Alpha Male numero uno — Han Solo

    Now those, my friend, are words to live by.

    It’s like tight-wire walking on a two-mile wire across a gorge with raging white water rushing by half a mile below.

    No matter how many times you fuck the living daylights out of her, or how much she looks at you with those hungry, puppy-dog eyes, you know in your heart that incredibly rich, hot and connected guys are just waiting for you to pause too long or slip for a moment and they’ll be scooping her out from under you.

    And you absolutely have to know that no other man in the world is worth her time or attention.

    I have friends that think I signed deals with the devil for this girl, or that I’m paying her my entire salary to hang out with me (in fact, not a penny).

    I’ve gone from
    Holy Shit I Banged This Girl to
    Holy Shit How Long Can I Keep Banging This Girl to
    Holy Shit How Can I keep Banging This Girl Forever

    Pretty much.

    Like


  74. Gorby, Fuck me, this is hard.

    Lack of practice, of course it is. Can you do some side dish stuff, before you fully commit, to brass up your testicular fortitude?

    If your response is “I can’t”, I’ll dub for the occasion as a priest and pray for you, pax vobiscum!

    Like


  75. what

    @Seth
    You’re wrong. You must be seeking the wrong type. They are out there…go get them!!

    “I seriously doubt that I will ever meet a girl as hot as this one.”

    The issue is your disbelieve you’ll meet anyone as hot as her.

    Yes, yes. [nodding in approval]

    Like


  76. @Morsellaux,

    I have tons of practice. Way too much, actually. I just have no LTR game practice.

    Let’s just say I’ve been boning up recently like a scholar with a PhD defense on the horizon.

    One of our happy commenters and bloggers here has been most helpful. I endorse his work.

    Like


  77. On the “investment value”, I had 2 experiences with this within the last year: pre-game and post-game.

    In the pre-game stage, the girl pursued me. I resisted. Then when I started to take interest, she slowly started to disappear. This only got me more and more anxious.

    Turns out she was gaming other guys in my social circle. I finally cut it off after New Year’s and discovered game, started reading everything I could about it and then started practicing Myster Method.

    Then second one-itis case occurred. This was the result of seeing results from game, but never closing the deal.

    She took a step back, I kept pursuing—big mistake.

    Then I stopped pursuing and she tried desperately to get my attention. By then I’d lost “hand” and was drifting.

    Finally, I had to quit cold turkey. Just ignoring her. But the problem with that was that I appeared beta because by ignoring her, it looked like a conscious act and not alpha or part of game.

    The one resolution to this was a third girl. She’s in my social circle. She has a boyfriend. I successfully gamed her, number closed, negs, push-pull. Finally after a few months of this going no where, I very quietly became unavailable. Unlike the other two examples, I didn’t say anything, or do anything, I was very nice to her. But I just didn’t give her the same level of attention.

    Now since I’ve seen her over the last two weeks–with boyfriend in tow—she says “You haven’t talked to me in weeks”.

    Me: Just been busy, you know working….Got a great story for you

    Her: Really?

    Me: Yah, talk to you in a bit… the walk away.

    Same thing happened twice. Seems to get the wheels in her head spinning more.

    I’ve also started gaming, then banging two other girls who live out of town. This has helped me project a much more alpha frame around the aforementioned women.

    The lesson here is to not to lose control or falsely believe that somehow 1) I’m losing something and 2) game cures everything. Game is a tool, but not a cure-all. If you lose focus, inner game or lose hand, the best game in the world won’t help prevent one-itis.

    Like


  78. Morsellaux,

    So you found your cure!

    This was a piece of advice I gave my friend (married)–a female who was in a relationship with a man who made her feel totally confident, sexy, beautiful, spontaneous etc……She needed to get over him and focus on her marriage. She said she only felt this way with him. I believe how she felt with this man is the part of her that was dormant and that there was hope. If these feelings are in her, she is the embodiment of these feelings therefore, she can find other means in which she can express them and own them. Therefore, the suggestion of replicating those feeling in her through other ways..not a another man..for one thing, she is married, may help her and it did.

    As for you….Borderline Schizo…what where you thinking??? OR with what where you thinking ?hahah!!

    Like


  79. @Tyrone,

    This is called relationship game. She’s with you because she likes you for some reason. Don’t worry about oneitis. Just play it as you have been and if its meant to work out it will. You think she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, but that’s also a personal preference. Not everyone will pick the same woman as their dream girl.

    You’re right. Not everyone. There’s some guy in Australia who probably likes rougher women more, or taller ones. And maybe one in Mongolia who has a penchant for another kind of girl.

    She probably matches your mental template for the ideal female face and body. No matter how beautiful the woman, you get used to them and get spoiled.

    I’ve been with hot girls. This one —

    I’ve been away for 2 weeks. This is fucking me up over here. Three more days to go.

    Oneitis is caused as much by an emotional and physical connection as anything else, that is often removed from actual beauty. The same is true of good sex. If you believed in astrology, I could tell you if it can last or not, but you don’t believe in that stuff.

    No, I don’t.

    And if it’s not going to last, I don’t want to know. If it IS going to last, I don’t need to know. So either way, I don’t need to know.

    Like


  80. @Morsellaux,

    @what

    @Seth
    You’re wrong. You must be seeking the wrong type. They are out there…go get them!!

    “I seriously doubt that I will ever meet a girl as hot as this one.”

    The issue is your disbelieve you’ll meet anyone as hot as her.

    “Yes, yes. [nodding in approval]”

    SOOOOO, do I get a gold star? hee! hee!

    Like


  81. @Morsellaux
    Lack of practice, of course it is. Can you do some side dish stuff, before you fully commit, to brass up your testicular fortitude?

    Did. No point. Hotter sex with hottest women I’ve ever seen in real life who is also bright and charming. You know those You Get One Chance things?

    Some pussy isn’t fungible.

    Yup.


    If your response is “I can’t”, I’ll dub for the occasion as a priest and pray for you, pax vobiscum!

    Heh.

    I’ve got no problem with some panchan (side dishes).

    Just stuff to think about.

    Like


  82. Gorby, meant LTR practice, not ONS/STR. Git a spare to practice on, sorta like an equivalent of a mistress.

    Like


  83. There’s no reason to believe Roissy is faking this. If he wanted to write on the subject, even with the same diagnostic bent, he could have without contriving a reader email.

    The Oneitis sufferer’s email doesn’t sound fake. It sounds true to life but with heavy embellishment, and it relies on popular perceptions overwhelming the nitty gritty details. People think he’s just stroking his ego, but I can attest that nothing he said was as outlandish as it seems:

    1. Threesomes — Not that hard to pull off provided you find a girl that’s good to go and, under the right amount of alcohol inducement, can be co-opted into finding the other girl. Honestly, a threesome is less of an accomplishment these days when “bi” is a feature girls use to compete against each other.

    2. Fucking a porn star — These are professional whores, and as per Roissy’s oft-validated observed correlation between number of cocks taken and low worth as a long-term girlfriend, such women are fairly easy to bang. Its a big world, and a big internet, so any broke skank with a few gonzo porn credits is a “porn star.” For a lot of these types, dating/fucking a nice guy outside of their “field” is a vain attempt to reclaim some long-gone innocence and long-defiled humanity. Plus, once you’ve taken one thousand cocks, what’s one thousand and one, really?

    3. Lingerie model — This could mean any number of things. In my case, it meant that I banged a model who’s career was short, regional, and mostly aspirational. Meaning, she was an 8.5 without any outstandingly unusual features that could get her to the next level of professional modelling. Also, lingerie ain’t high fashion. Its skankier than swimwear modelling, and a good percentage of these women are butterfaces. If the reader’s fling was with one of the hotter ones, she was probably quite tall, which makes it harder for her to find acceptable men. For 5’9″+ women, even models, if you’re a tall guy, you qualify for consideration by sheer statistical default. Even tall women strongly prefer the 4″-6″ differential.

    As for the AIDS quip, I’m guessing that has to do with her having fucked around behind his back, perhaps with a guy he has reason to believe has HIV or other STDs. I seriously doubt this guy’s actually pining for a girl who’s now HIV positive because of her skankery.

    Everything Roissy says about oneitis and its cures is true. Especially the bit about oneitis making you paradoxically a pussy magnet. Being fucked in the head (reservedly, not openly) about a girl makes you not give a flying fuck about the feelings of all other women around you, thereby making you irresistible to them.

    Women sense it. They unconsciously feel they’re competing with something they can’t compare to, and it drives them crazy. You’ll end up fucking them casually for a while and at some point never calling them. Its 100% natural aloofness, and the best part is you don’t even have to try. You can rack up a high number of bangs, even quality ones, during this period of lament. In the short-term, is a good problem to have.

    So yeah, even an admitted “pasty white hacker” can bang numbers of hot women. The only thing that wasn’t believable about his mail is when he said it was just now starting to affect his life. Obviously it was long before, but the steady run of skanks and the occasional medium-term hottie held the most deleterious effects at bay.

    The best way get over such a devil bitch (of close age) is realizing that her beauty’s going to flame out long before your attractiveness and mastery of game has peaked. Even at a few years down the back slope, who she is now isn’t worth half of what she was then.

    She’s depreciating by the day, while you’re appreciating. Nature’s cruelty is the best revenge.

    Like


  84. @Gorbachev,

    “The same is true of good sex. If you believed in astrology, I could tell you if it can last or not, but you don’t believe in that stuff.”

    well what do you know? I’ve been into astrology since I was 9!

    Like


  85. @Morsellaux
    Gorby, meant LTR practice, not ONS/STR. Git a spare to practice on, sorta like an equivalent of a mistress.

    Like a spare LTR that I can fuck up with and learn with?

    Not sure it translates back and forth, but might be a good idea.

    I’m absolutely sure I can’t get away with that.

    A threesome, sure. A mistake with an ex, maybe fine. A rival LTR, would mean my dreaded scenario.

    So I just have to hope my LTR game gets it right the first time, because, well, I’ve never used it before.

    Like


  86. meant for tyrone…sorry

    Like


  87. what SOOOOO, do I get a gold star? hee! hee!

    No. My nodding in approval is all the reward.

    Hehe.

    Like


  88. The only onetis I ever had was with mary jane, Bolivian Marching powder, Ashton Martin, Chiba and satan’s liquor aka absinthe.

    So in many ways is onetis addiction to pussy? That’s really pathetic… you’re all betas if you have it.

    Like


  89. Gorby, well good luck. Your danger is slipping into a beta frame for prolonged periods of time. If you keep in your mind that this is allowed only as occasional indulgences or treats, and then always correct by alpha reframing afterward, you would do fine. It may be hard initially, but gets easier with time when the novelty somewhat wears off.

    Like


  90. The_King

    So in many ways is onetis addiction to pussy?

    It maybe an addiction to a pussy in some cases, but it is usually a bit more complex, some men can be fucking a harem as if there is no tomorrow and still get it. Addiction to scent, or specific personality, or to a match to internal image, there can be all sorts of reasons. It can be compared to a drug addiction.

    The only pathetic thing is when someone is unable to cure himself, or if he repeats the pattern after one occurrence.

    Like


  91. fucking brilliant

    Like


  92. again this post is brilliant

    keep the good work

    Like


  93. Morsellaux,

    “what SOOOOO, do I get a gold star? hee! hee!

    No. My nodding in approval is all the reward.

    Hehe.”

    Game hey? lol!!

    Like


  94. on September 21, 2010 at 7:25 pm French Connection

    Absolutely fantastic post. Probably won’t get into the top 5 for comments, but is undoubtably in the top 5 most valuable CR posts.

    The authenticity of the email is completely irrelevant. The discussion of the subject is what matters, and that was pure gold. Every man suffers of oneitis at some point in his life, a fact reflected by so many of the commenters.

    @Gorby, perhaps the answer whether to hang on or not is in one of CR’s other fantastic posts;

    “A man can be all alpha but if he doesn’t cash it in for the ultimate prize he’s revealed the beta at his core”

    (taken from here: http://roissy.wordpress.com/2007/07/06/love/)

    Like


  95. I can relate to the email, bogus or not.
    I spent a couple of years with a woman who was worse, much worse, than this guys obsession. I am virtually certain mine had killed some people, she did try to give me Hep C (via a razor), and she did fuck around – mostly with chicks.
    But you know what? On a scale of one to 10 she was an 11. I cannot help the fact that she was hotter looking than virtually every other woman alive, nor did I want to.
    .

    Like


  96. what, Game hey? lol!!

    Actually, no, old school. No stars, if a teach expressed some laudatory comment, he meant it. There was no such thing as to make sure that all kids do feel good, regardless their competence or results.

    Anyway, you would see through it if I used game… just in this case, you thought you did. 🙂

    Like


  97. Yes professor Morsellaux!

    hee! hee!

    Like


  98. Rum, I cannot help the fact that she was hotter looking than virtually every other woman alive

    To you. If that seems to be the case, always ask for a second opinion. May be useful… 🙂

    Like


  99. Gorbachev,

    I know exactly where you’re coming from. My girlfriend is out of my league, and half my day is spent in making sure my clingy, lesser-beta natural state is well hidden. Maintaining an alpha state can be incredibly hard when love or something like it is involved- I acknowledge the importance of inner game, but having an external system of rules is vital, at least in my case.

    In a way, most of us are bluffing – we are our own Don Draper, with a package of loserdom stashed away in a drawer. In my case, it’s a runaway white-knight syndrome, that pedestalises even the most unworthy of women. This blog is invaluable in keeping it down.

    As for oneitis – the only cure, as the post says, is a better woman. In my omega days, I carried a long torch for a girl I’d had a brief affair with. She was by far the best looking woman to have shown interest in me (and she was a 6.5, which tells you how bleak things were then). Three years I was tormented by the memory of her. Now I think of her with amusement and mild fondness.

    Like


  100. And keeping a spare is a very risky business, unless you have a talent for deception. I sure as fuck couldn’t manage it.

    Like


  101. on September 21, 2010 at 8:17 pm You're doing it wrong

    HYP (hotter younger pussy) is like the fucking holy grail of mental pharmacology.

    I don’t care how fucked over / fucked up you are over some bitch, work, life in general.

    HYP will fix it.

    If the cure doesn’t last, keep taking that shit!~

    Like


  102. M
    I was there.

    Like


  103. This blog has been invaluable in helping me see that all those past behaviours of thinking “she” was out of my league etc are completely self-defeating.

    One-itis is really simply fantasy and projection.

    In the cases that I’ve had one-itis, it’s been more about me “losing” the girl and then trying in some way to win her back and filling my head with negative self-talk that is ultimately the biggest turn off to the object of my affections.

    Remembering you’re the prize, keeping a perspective about the amount of time you’re spending with her and thinking about her, getting other things going in your life will ensure you remain attractive to her so you don’t have to stumble down the path of feeling like it’s all a dream and you’re lucky to have this hot babe in your life.

    I can talk myself into thinking that the women I had ‘one-itis’ for were the ones that got away.

    Or I can talk myself into believing that they didn’t deserve me and I deserve better.

    When I handle similar situations differently, then I realize these choices are mine to make.

    Like


  104. Infected too many times to count. Everytime the cure was another woman. I can honestly say that if my wife would leave me or that I’d divorce her, my first act would be to go out and bang and bang some more. It worked when I got cheated on by a one-er, and it’ll work for all of you.

    Like


  105. Terrific writing.

    Religous young men are probably particularily prone to oneitis.

    Liked by 1 person


  106. Seth,

    “But I can’t. I seriously doubt that I will ever meet a girl as hot as this one.”

    Believe it or not, you will. And your awareness of her flaws is important – it’s the folks who idealize their women who are lost.

    Like


  107. ” . . . but my conversations are empowering and I leave girls better then I found them.”

    This guy is a doucher. He needs to write some sad poems in his journal and play with the shake weight.

    Like


  108. Masterful.

    Like


  109. @cap’n bob
    And keeping a spare is a very risky business, unless you have a talent for deception. I sure as fuck couldn’t manage it.

    It’s complicated if you spend as much time with the woman as I do. And risky. I managed to make it through a ONS with another girl ( an ex, not a new one, important difference) and then another, … but as the relationship evolves, I’m going to lose any such passes awfully fast.

    And my naked honesty saved my ass. Nothing else. I was brazen and just fronted it like I had nothing to apologize for – just to report. Only frame that made it work.

    It’s just hard, because I know for a fact I’m not going to bed a hotter girl than this. I’ve never come close – well, in Korea, but that doesn’t count ( I had the +1.5 point advantage; I don’t get that here, guys like me are as common as pig shit here).

    I still can’t believe I got this one. I’m paranoid about going Beta – I was seriously at risk of overplaying the alpha card and she called me out on it, made me admit lots of things I didn’t want to.

    LTR game is hard, if you’ve overshot yourself.

    I have to hope she likes me deeply enough to tolerate some beta.

    Like


  110. oneitis even changes your sight and makes you overlook the flaws, or distort the memories. Some other guy’s perspective can be good in these cases, realizing that your 10 is someone else’s 6 will allow the reality to creep back in. Or if you are good enough to create a 3rd person perspective by yourself.

    Like


  111. @Gorbachev

    “I have to hope she likes me deeply enough to tolerate some beta”

    if she can tolerate some beta…means she REALLY likes you. If she truly likes you, there is NO need to tolerate-anything. She will accepts you just the way you are. You guys got to realize, some beta is wonderful. Please don’t get rid of it and yes…don’t play the alpha game too much..it can destroy everything.

    Good luck!

    Like


  112. I still can’t believe I got this one. I’m paranoid about going Beta – I was seriously at risk of overplaying the alpha card and she called me out on it, made me admit lots of things I didn’t want to.

    Heck, if she forgave you the ONS, then you’re doing pretty well. Besides, it’s a tale to tell your grandchildren – when you’re drunk.

    Like


  113. what, must have been on ice, seeing it now…

    As for you….Borderline Schizo…what where you thinking??? OR with what where you thinking ?hahah!!

    Well, I have the thing for obtuse angle of pubic area, it is something I respond to on a primal level. Can’t help it. Hafta have it. 🙂

    But as my borderline schizo X1… often you just don’t see manifestations until years later. There may be a predisposition and the person is seemingly normal. For years. Then one day a demon appears and you tend to explain it as some form of exacerbated PMS… then after a while another and then there is a whole collection. It sneaks upon ya.

    Like


  114. Morsellaux,

    that’s sounds scary! Yikes…hope you are on the alert now! A whole collection!!hahha!!

    Like


  115. btw what’s obtuse angle of pubic area? very technical!

    Like


  116. what

    if she can tolerate some beta…means she REALLY likes you. If she truly likes you, there is NO need to tolerate-anything. She will accepts you just the way you are.

    I am almost seeing a rainbow and unicorns by the corner of my eye.:-)

    I know you are young. That somewhat mitigates the idealistic content of your statement.

    She will never accept him just the way he is (if he is a beta). It may seem as she does, even to her, but one day, years from today, she will remember and server it all, at an opportune moment.

    Except a sigma woman. But sigma women are extremely rare. Thus I won’t offer a definition, I am a selfish sumfabitch! 🙂

    You guys got to realize, some beta is wonderful. Please don’t get rid of it and yes…don’t play the alpha game too much..it can destroy everything.

    Very sparingly applied beta is useful. It is so wonderful because it is extraordinary. If it becomes a lifestyle, it stops being so wonderful. May sound harsh, but it is the reality, supported by evidence of reams of stories that just keep coming.

    Like


  117. “Obtuse angle of pubic area?”

    You mean she can spread her legs wide?

    Like


  118. on September 21, 2010 at 9:49 pm Gunslingergregi

    ””’If I recall correctly it was Casanova who pioneered this particular turn of phrase.””””’

    And I was the second he he he

    Like


  119. I personally think you don’t really get oneitis if/after you’ve got/shagged a girl.

    One saying always rings true to me ‘For every woman, no matter how attractive, some bloke has gotten bored of shagging her’.

    By extension of the same logic, why would any men get oneitis? There’s always fresher pussies, and I think it’s in our nature to seek out fresher pussies anyway.

    Like


  120. morsellaux,

    I hear you. but…remember what i wrote on a previous post. I think we are on the same page.

    here it is:

    Whether it be characteristics of betas or alphas, both modus operandi can be effective. The keys is to know when to use what set of traits; to whom; where and how to optimize your chances. To remain fluid and flexible between both beta and alpha traits is important. Possessing both B & A qualities can be an effective balance.

    It’s not what you have but it’s the application that counts.

    Bruce Lee would say: “BE WATER”

    I may sound idealist, but I practice what I preach. I am who I am. It works.

    Like


  121. what

    that’s sounds scary! Yikes…hope you are on the alert now! A whole collection!!

    We did split up after 12 years, for our mutual protection. In time, after menopause, she almost returned to a normal. She is a continent away, in any case.

    btw what’s obtuse angle of pubic area? very technical!

    Wish I could fish out the thread where this was elucidated

    You of course know what is an obtuse angle, right? Past high school, with good grades in math and geometry…

    Hahahahahaha!!!

    Right angle is 90 deg. Acute angle is wedgier. Obtuse angle is more widely open.

    85-95 degrees is most common angle for pubic bones position. The angle faces inward, towards abdomen. The shape of the crotch is the inversion of the angle (facing outward).

    The obtuser the angle (up to 105 deg), the more excited I am. It translates to a wider distance of hips and also often a nice gap between thighs. It also makes a better WTH ratio, also very appealing to me.

    Like


  122. Trimegistus

    “Obtuse angle of pubic area?”

    You mean she can spread her legs wide?

    Hehe. Something like that.

    Like


  123. Moresllaux,

    Interesting!

    Unlike most Asians, I was not good at math and geometry. English, poetry, humanities, social sciences, psychology were my strengths. I guess the British blood contributed to this. ha!

    Like


  124. what, To remain fluid and flexible between both beta and alpha traits is important. Possessing both B & A qualities can be an effective balance.

    Alrighty, yea, with the caveat that the alpha traits (whether learned or natural) are the default. I’d rather put is as alpha being the main dish and beta the spices or deserts.

    Like


  125. @Morsellaux,

    ” I’d rather put is as alpha being the main dish and beta the spices or deserts.”

    For me and I am only speaking for myself…I’d say….

    beta is the main dish and alpha is the spices or deserts for LTR, but the other way around for …..you know! haha!

    Like


  126. what, you are a woman. It makes all the difference! 🙂

    Like


  127. …I am in awe…

    Like


  128. “I have to hope she likes me deeply enough to tolerate some beta.”

    Perfection/ always strong/ ect. is not necessary. Honestly, you’d ultimately want to know if she’d leave you if you got sick or upset if a parent died, or lost a job, ect.

    But panic — panic is annoying. Panic about her leaving you is very annoying. Especially if she is really into you.

    Like


  129. on September 21, 2010 at 10:53 pm Gunslingergregi

    Sometimes it can be terminal.

    he he he

    Good post cr guy.

    Like


  130. Advice taken. No game for a month, targets harder building up to perfect and beyond, invest.

    There were so many things you said that allowed me the insight to reframe this situation, I will let you know how quick I adjust to it. These two struck me hard upside the head:

    The postcoital, or “no girl will ever be as good as her”, form occurs when the same conditions are met, with the additional factor that the man has boffed the girl and is now not boffing her.

    and

    1. Investment raises the value of a girl.

    [[Once I read that…I realized I was the one creating the power of the this girl over me…in that case what power do women have at all in attraction other then being what I want them to be?]]

    Like you need it architects of auspicious arousal – you have my deepest gratitude.

    @Patrick – You are almost spot on. You have some dangerously powerful insight, probably eschewed from living a lot of life. Respec ;D

    Like


  131. on September 21, 2010 at 10:58 pm Gunslingergregi

    What if you develope onitis for an 80 year old chick though because she is superwoman?

    Is there any cure for that lol

    Like


  132. on September 21, 2010 at 11:11 pm Gunslingergregi

    I guess it is good I am with her daughter so I should have a lot of years left on the odometer.

    How bout onitis for an entire family of chicks?

    Like


  133. Gun, put that bottle of whiskey aside for an hour or two! 🙂

    Like


  134. on September 21, 2010 at 11:20 pm Gunslingergregi

    No drugs nor whiskey lol

    I have found the land of the amazons he he he

    Like


  135. But just like Anakin all people who have oneitis and seek mommy in relationships and seek emotional dependance have a common denominator- they had no father or a weak one. Man who grows up without a father is unsure of the power of his roots, he lives like if earth would be moving unstably under his feet. A strong father and only he can make a person fell sure of his past and thus of his present and future. A man who has his father in heart will not seek emotional depandance from a women and will see them all as his subordinate harem girls.

    That’s probably why many of the sons of single mothers are super-players.

    Uh, and let’s try, just try, to stop pretending that all fathers are great fathers. Many fathers are HORRIBLE fathers for all kinds of different reasons.

    That’s the real world.

    Like


  136. on September 21, 2010 at 11:54 pm feet on the ground

    Gorbachev,

    I’ve been reading your posts on this blog since before you won your current babe (‘PCG’).
    I’ve seen how having her has changed you drastically, and that left me wondering when you’re going to blow it with her. It seems your ego has swollen to epic proportions. You don’t sound like the same man you were before you got her.

    I recall when I figured you had ‘jumped the shark.’
    Someone complained about long-winded, know it all comments being boring, and you responded with some fantasy in which you were some kind of James Bond super cool badass who dished out devastating violence with utter savoir-faire. You had no idea if the complainer was a 98 lb 17 year old, or an old woman, or a big karate expert, but your response to a criticism was to indulge in projecting a fantasy of you kicking ass, admiring yourself. That’s when I knew this woman has blown your mind.
    Your response was about like jacking off in public, expecting others to approve. Good God man.

    I am hoping you will come back down to earth and reduce your self-admiration enough to be able to keep your current woman. Since you asked if anyone had advice to help you keep her, here is my two cents:

    Seems to me there is usually a strong correlation between a guy falling head over heels in love and that same guy having been an unhappy, self-loathing guy before he got his wonder woman. And it is widely known that huge egotism is often paired with self-loathing. The rapture of romance is often a profound relief from previous misery — especially from negative self-perception. But if you let her elevate your spirits, you’ve let her get in position to drop you hard. It’s like judo; the guy under you, lifting you, can throw you.

    So as I see it, the only long term, dependable prevention of one-itis and lapsing into beta-dom with one special woman is to cultivate enough autonomous self-respect and happiness, such that you can be so happy without any one woman in your life, then no one woman has the power of offering you profound relief from misery, like a drug dealer.
    One under-rated way to increase your happiness & self-respect is to contribute to the well-being of others somehow.

    Good luck Gorbachev. I’m rooting for you.

    Like


  137. I had a girl like that use me three years ago and I haven’t got over it since. I haven’t been with anyone as good-looking and I know I want to but I’m not sure if it would feel as good as destroying that first bitch. I want her to suffer like I did.

    Like


  138. I second that harem.

    Like


  139. Gorbachev

    The key is to remember that she ISN’T the reason you are who you are. You may be in love and may think your lower, but you’re not. She’s a woman and she is naturally below you. You must keep that in mind. I love my wife, but she didnt make me who I am. In fact, she turned me beta for almost 3 years. It’s been through game blogs and self will that I’m back up.

    Bitches ain’t nuttin, some rapper said.

    Like


  140. on September 22, 2010 at 12:17 am Gunslingergregi

    Got to balance that shit with multiple woman or your fucked if you already have a trend of onitis happenings with certain woman.

    You may not think you could do better but billions of other chances to win kind of says otherwise.

    Like


  141. on September 22, 2010 at 12:19 am Gunslingergregi

    Then you know if you hit the motherload then you have a contant stream of them coming like clockwork. Farming them bitches lol

    Like


  142. One-iitis: a common affliction among men with anything resembling a soul.

    The cure: excise the soul, or heal it. One can do the former and achieve the latter. Whatever works, mang.

    The solution: avoid ball-breaking sluts; date the Amish.

    Like


  143. on September 22, 2010 at 12:34 am Gunslingergregi

    ””””And my naked honesty saved my ass. Nothing else. I was brazen and just fronted it like I had nothing to apologize for – just to report. Only frame that made it work.”””’

    he he he

    Like


  144. @Middle Greek

    What is a soul & where does one buy it?

    Also how is it healed? Time? Another “love”?

    Like


  145. on September 22, 2010 at 12:40 am Gunslingergregi

    Just your consciense.

    Your inner voice.

    That thing that drives you to be mad or become a legend.

    Like


  146. Gun

    oh god I am copying marsel
    god dam psyops people

    LOL! I am semi-innocent! 🙂

    Like


  147. on September 22, 2010 at 1:00 am Gunslingergregi

    this doesn’t mean we are gonna be swapping spit in the shower.

    he he he

    I have broken out the first gunslinger edition to read today as a means of counteraction.

    Like


  148. Harmonica, I love my wife, but she didnt make me who I am.

    Just wanted to put an emphasis on it.

    The one-itis usually happens when the men are not made yet. Or self-made, as the incentives like rite of passage are somewhere in the past long gone.

    Like


  149. on September 22, 2010 at 1:18 am Gunslingergregi

    Pretty good book for preparing to not have onitis.

    her hands clamped to her face and there was still some juice left in her – enough to weep.

    Her “don’t look! You don’t have to look at me so mean!”

    he got up
    “where are yo going?” she heard the shrill fear in her voice and hated it.
    “to the stable. If anyone knows the hostler will.”
    He put his hands on her shoulders. The hands were warm.
    “and to arrange for my mule. If I’m going to be here, he should be taken care of for when I leave.”
    Her thinking

    but not yet
    She looked up at him “but you watch that kennerly. If he doesn’t know a thing he’ll make it up.”
    When he left she turned to the sink, feeling the hot, warm drift of her gratefull tears.

    he he he

    Like


  150. But , me personally, I would acknowledge that it is likely fake before I post a response.

    Um, he did, if you were paying attention:

    Yes, the Chateau is aware this may be a fake email. But it doesn’t matter. The email provides a good excuse to riff on a new topic.

    Like


  151. Science

    But those positive feelings are just your brain chemicals tricking you. Fuck your chemicals.

    I love the lie of love. There is nothing like a good heady infatuation. No drug comes close. And then bonding makes you feel a part of something greater than yourself – part of a family. Your rest becomes infused with peaceful healing.

    There is no substitute for the lie of love.

    Like


  152. “One-iitis: a common affliction among men with anything resembling a soul.

    The cure: excise the soul, or heal it. One can do the former and achieve the latter. Whatever works, mang.”

    Or simply realize that women have no souls.

    Like


  153. You’re 25 yrs old and you met this chick SEVEN years ago? Of course you were busting 6 nuts a day, you were 18! At 25 you probably don’t have the time or energy to hit it six times a day.

    Like


  154. on September 22, 2010 at 1:45 am Gunslingergregi

    ”””Or simply realize that women have no souls.””

    You don’t think they have an inner voice he he he

    You would be wrong.

    It is learning their inner voice that makes you able to get them to do anything.

    Like


  155. Or is it your own voice echoing back?

    Like


  156. on September 22, 2010 at 1:54 am Gunslingergregi

    Yea that could be it woman have no boundaries. lol

    Like


  157. Stud

    And big WTF on allegedly guys with game not buying a notch per two weeks? Huh?

    Ya.

    I’ve run into this incredulity often, and it only makes me what these guys find so fantastic?

    The guy mentioned how many girls in how many years. It doesn’t add up to one every two weeks. But there is nothing strange with a girl every few weeks for a stint. Hell, a little internet dating can get you several in a week. Big fucking woop.

    Like


  158. Guns,
    they have neither soul nor inner voice.

    Like


  159. on September 22, 2010 at 1:58 am Gunslingergregi

    At the most excellant they can create paradise for you.

    They have their charms.

    Like


  160. Escarondito – you are miffed at the so called fakery of the email because it offends your ego to believe that some people really are a great deal better than you. You won’t stand for it, you won’t put up with it. You rebel against it. It CAN’T be true.

    You can’t handle the truth – your brain would explode. Or your sense of self worth. What little you have.

    Like


  161. NYC

    If your life is well lived and willed with new loves, new lays, and new adventures then the shared time you’re trying to forget will be all the more hazy and seldomly recalled- simply because of all the other expirences you’ve crammed into your brain in the interem; it’s harder to pull a specific doodad from a pile of crap then it is if its sitting by its lonesome.

    The most often recommended cure for one-itis is travel.

    Specifically, travel to Thailand.

    Like


  162. La vie

    Usually by getting him to work really hard to “win” her over in a way where he enjoys the chase. Only works with the right relative sxual market value for

    True – the girl has to really inspire the guy to get him to invest. That will depend on his expectations built up from his previous dates and mates.

    There is way to subvert this, of course, to moderate the infatuation or the possibility of a girl leading you on to nowhere. Which girls have no qualms against. Meaningless sex and side romances, while you woo your target. Because it’s true, while infatuation is a powerful drug, you don’t want to lose hand or be otherwise unbalanced and wanting.

    Infatuation can fizzle on the third date, or be rip roaring strong after a year. Keeping that passion alongside some equanimity is a mental balancing act – riding a unicycle on a high wire.

    Like


  163. @Gorb

    I may be young, but if I may offer the advice that was said here in some way before…the only girl that deserves your love is one that loves you back.

    Your problem is not that she’ll find out that you’re not the Alpha you come off to be, but that you have already convinced yourself you aren’t. Quit letting her and her (possible) future actions be the arbitrator of your happiness and self-worth. You are better than that.

    Like


  164. Totally nails it. I can attest to the fact that no matter how many women you fuck, if she isn’t hotter than the ex, you’ll never get over the ex.

    Ya, but it doesn’t explain a 2 year one-itis i had for a 48 year old squirter. The old broad was not that attractive, and my new 26 year old girl could fuck and suck like a demon from porn hell.

    For two years, no matter what city I was in I kept mistaking first glimpses of strangers as Her.

    I don’t know why, but if forced to guess I’d say the mental and sexual sympatico was more profound.

    Like


  165. This dude needs to pack up and go home to momma. He is not over some bitch from 7 years ago. Are you fucking kidding me. We as men were put on this Earth for one reason, and one reason only…to gash open as many pussies as possible.

    He needs to look at it from a different angle. Eventually he would have gotten sick and tired of fucking her, so she has freed him. She has broken his heart and he can’t develop feelings for another woman. Isn’t that a good thing.

    Now he can meet women, fuck them, and never have any feelings for any of them. Never feel bad for not calling them back, never feel bad for shooting a load in their hair, and never have a single thought of marriage enter his mind.

    Its fuck a whore, and move on to the next one. That sounds like a pretty good life to me.

    Like


  166. Trouser – you’re comments are not helpful. There is no useful how-to advice in them. It’s mere shaming language. Helps nothing but your own sense of superiority.

    Like


  167. “If you believed in astrology, I could tell you if it can last or not, but you don’t believe in that stuff.”

    I’ve found an easier way to determine longevity (and I have explored compatibility astrology to exhaustion over the last decade.)

    Certain MBTI matches are optimal, e.g. ENFP-INTJ, etc. and promote longevity. Not a guarantee by any means, but offer maximum likelyhood compared with mismatches. Keirsey says at its core, compatibility = communication style (concrete vs. abstract.) So concrete Artisans fit better with concrete Guardians, and abstract Idealists with abstract Rationals. Everything I’ve experienced suggests he’s on the $$.

    Liked by 1 person


  168. xsplat,

    The most often recommended cure for one-itis is travel.
    Specifically, travel to Thailand.

    Heh. Often a cure for dry spells or shrill shrieks of a merkin woman.

    Like


  169. Gorb

    She has no idea I’m running the biggest bluff ever: All my aloof, devil-may-care attitude is put-on.

    While making out, do you ever get a near overpowering urge to say “god I love you”?

    My date occasionally asks me to do her small favors, and I find it much harder than usual to say no. Sheer willpower helps there too.

    “Can you go get me my purse?”

    No.

    Like


  170. LTR game is hard, if you’ve overshot yourself.

    I have to hope she likes me deeply enough to tolerate some beta.

    Ya, I lost frame for the first hour of last nights date. Felt things slipping away. Just couldn’t believe that I’d keep her – thought she’d wake up from her spell at any moment and all her infatuation would fizzle away.

    So I grabbed at her tits.

    Seemed to help.

    Like


  171. I got this problem but worse. Have a history of being intensely attracted to girls with severe emotional problems. Got in a relationship w/ one seriously fucked up girl, went beta and got thrown to the curb. 9 months later, got out of my oneitis funk by getting with an even hotter, even more fucked up girl (like literally tackling her to the ground to keep her from jumping out of windows, taking handfuls of pills, etc.). Girl was/is literally the hottest girl I’ve seen outside of a magazine.

    The problem is not really finding a hotter girl. Give me enough time, a big enough city, I could probably pull the stunt off. Finding the intersection of hot/messed up/ and intelligent (girl went to an Ivy league school, pulled absurd shit out of her head). Top percent of top percent of all three categories simply puts the odds at finding another close to zero. Plus I also fucked her while on acid and then immediately took her to my father’s grave. Pulled a gigantic emotional mindfuck on myself, which I’m not willing to do again.

    How the fuck do you get top a situation in which not only do you think you cannot repeat it, but that you are not willing to repeat?

    Like


  172. @xsplat

    Gorb
    She has no idea I’m running the biggest bluff ever: All my aloof, devil-may-care attitude is put-on.
    While making out, do you ever get a near overpowering urge to say “god I love you”?

    All the damned time.

    Like


  173. Way laid – I hear you. Are you aware that girls with BPD can be sexually savant? A part of their brain is underdeveloped, and this allows others to become over developed.

    It’s a common complaint that after a BPD girl, no one can compare.

    My bestest fuck in the whole world was totally nuts. And insanely hot.

    Like


  174. @feet on the ground said on Curing Oneitis

    Nice words, Feet.
    I’ve been reading your posts on this blog since before you won your current babe (‘PCG’).
    I’ve seen how having her has changed you drastically, and that left me wondering when you’re going to blow it with her. It seems your ego has swollen to epic proportions. You don’t sound like the same man you were before you got her.

    I don’t?

    …but your response to a criticism was to indulge in projecting a fantasy of you kicking ass, admiring yourself. That’s when I knew this woman has blown your mind.
    Your response was about like jacking off in public, expecting others to approve. Good God man.

    It filled me with more raw testosterone than a Mongol conquering all of Asia. I recall the feeling. All someone had to do was look at me and I wanted to shout out a manly roar and start squeezing the life out of small animals.

    Super chicks can sometimes do that to you. Total OD.

    I am hoping you will come back down to earth and reduce your self-admiration enough to be able to keep your current woman. Since you asked if anyone had advice to help you keep her, here is my two cents:

    You know, it’s good to be humbled and reduced from time to time. It takes a mensch to remind me I can be a first-class idiot when I need to be reminded.

    Seems to me there is usually a strong correlation between a guy falling head over heels in love and that same guy having been an unhappy, self-loathing guy before he got his wonder woman.

    Could be true, but not in this case. I was, however, deeply unhappy in my core – for different reasons. That yawning emptiness that it’s dangerous to fill, in case it gets emptied again.

    And it is widely known that huge egotism is often paired with self-loathing. The rapture of romance is often a profound relief from previous misery — especially from negative self-perception. But if you let her elevate your spirits, you’ve let her get in position to drop you hard. It’s like judo; the guy under you, lifting you, can throw you.

    Not sure it applies perfectly to me, but the words and perspective are good. Thanks.

    So as I see it, the only long term, dependable prevention of one-itis and lapsing into beta-dom with one special woman is to cultivate enough autonomous self-respect and happiness, such that you can be so happy without any one woman in your life, then no one woman has the power of offering you profound relief from misery, like a drug dealer.

    Dude,

    These are words to live by.

    I probably need to hear that right now.

    One under-rated way to increase your happiness & self-respect is to contribute to the well-being of others somehow.

    Every day in every way, we make ourselves better and better.

    That’s the best rule, I think.

    I’ll let you know how it turns out.

    Like


  175. More about grabbing at titties when the sexual tension seems to be drying up…

    You’d think it could backfire. Now you are forcing her into a sexually defensive position.

    Yes.

    But at least you are fighting over sex, and not just talking about how many brothers and sisters she has.

    In yesterdays wrestle I tried to confuse her head right up. After physcially asking permission three times I finally got her to accede to having me pin her wrists above her head as I lay on top of her, and had her say “no! stop! no!”. Then I burst out laughing. Do it again! Do it again!

    Fuck her wiring right up.

    She is wound tight in anti slut defence. Every inch of unwinding is tough work. I’m just trying to confuse all her wires, at this point. “Make her crazy”, as she puts it.

    Talk to her body.

    At this point making out is like a wrestling match. Fine.

    Like


  176. I’d rather see her flustered in anger than placid in indifference.

    And when she started to get really pissed off and said it was time to leave, I shoved her again and again towards the edge of my bed. Get out of my room! Go! Get out of here!

    Then laughed.

    Then backed off.

    As you can imagine, suddenly she wanted more touch. “Hug me!”

    “Sure, I will. Get naked first”

    Like


  177. What if you cant get over a girl even after you bang hotter chicks.

    My ex-gf was overweight and kinda ugly … im still not over her after 6 months!

    HALP!

    Like


  178. So as I see it, the only long term, dependable prevention of one-itis and lapsing into beta-dom with one special woman is to cultivate enough autonomous self-respect and happiness, such that you can be so happy without any one woman in your life, then no one woman has the power of offering you profound relief from misery, like a drug dealer.

    Dude,

    These are words to live by.

    No, it’s not. Those are stupid words.

    I depend on oxygen. I depend on a good woman. I depend on food, regular fucking, and taking a regular dump.

    You want to be an island. Go fuck and be an island then. You will never be anywhere as close to happy as you are in love with a good woman.

    Like


  179. woops – i wasn’t telling gorb to fuck off. Just saying that this “be a happy island” advice is as True as is God.

    It’s just something we wish were true, because if it were, there would be some hope for some lasting relief from this very real earthy pain.

    The only cure for loneliness is love. And love hurts.

    GET OVER IT PEOPLE!

    Like


  180. swingers is a good movie about oneitis:

    http://www.youtube.com/user/DoghouseMovies#p/u/51/ZlfHUjZYWMY

    “My ex-gf was overweight and kinda ugly … im still not over her after 6 months!”

    it must be about her face then, find a woman with her face but hotter body, go go go
    if not then it must be about her weight, the megafauna of africa might help then, go on a safari!!!

    Like


  181. “woops – i wasn’t telling gorb to fuck off. Just saying that this “be a happy island” advice is as True as is God.

    It’s just something we wish were true, because if it were, there would be some hope for some lasting relief from this very real earthy pain.”

    and gorby is an atheist…bazinga!!!

    Like


  182. I have one-itis for Sophia. She will never leave me.

    Like


  183. 2. The girls who came after the oneitis were not as good looking.//

    The situation can be dangerous for the patient as he cannot figure out what exactly the new girl lacks. Therefore, before indulging in any LTR know the flaws in your girl so that you are prepared well for any disaster. No girl is perfect so is your girl who you want to get out of but owing to Oneitis you are not able to!!

    Like


  184. Namae

    and gorby is an atheist…bazinga!!!

    So am I. If you re-read my post with that in my you might get my point.

    In case not, I’ll try to connect the dots. Sometimes it helps to have a belief that acts as an emotional crutch; something not true that we wish were true. God is one such crutch. A heavenly afterlife is another. Another one is justice.

    The notion of being happy alone is a rose tinted fairy tale. It is provisionally useful, but not True.

    Better to just chuck it, accept the truth of suffering (dukka) and find real happiness in this physical real world. Through real love and real romance and real fucking.

    Like


  185. a song dedicated to those who are going through Oneitis.

    time will heal……and yes…finding the Oneitis cure.

    Like


  186. I agree with NYCBachelor here. This guy (the fake letter writer or whatever) would only need to look at her today, 7 years later. Instant cure in most cases.

    Like


  187. “Better to just chuck it, accept the truth of suffering (dukka) and find real happiness in this physical real world. Through real love and real romance and real fucking.”

    heh, but the pursuit of sukha leads to oneitis and hence to dukha.

    Like


  188. I can’t begin to recount the times I’ve had guys tell me it’s OK to have ONEitis with your LTR or wife, and that’s how it should be. No, it’s not.

    I think it’s necessary to differentiate between a healthy relationship based on mutual respect and a lopsided ONEitis based relationship. In my estimation ONEitis is an unhealthy psychological dependency that is the direct result of the continuous socialization of the soulmate myth in pop culture. This western romanticized mythology is based on the premise that there is only ONE perfect mate for any single individual and as much as a lifetime can and should be spent in constant search of this ‘soulmate.’ So strong and so pervasive is this myth in our collective society that it has become akin to a religious statement and in fact has been integrated into many religious doctrines as the feminization of western culture has spread.

    I come to the conclusion that ONEitis is based in sociological roots, not only due to it being a statement of personal belief, but by the degree to which this ideology is disseminated and marketed in popular culture in media, music, literature, movies, etc. Dating services like eHarmony shamelessly marketeer and exploit exactly the insecurities that this dynamic engenders in people desperately searching for the ONE they were intended for. The idea that men possess a natural capacity for protection provision and monogamy has merit from both a social and bio-psychological standpoint, but I think that ONEitis is not a byproduct of it. Rather, I would set it apart from this healthy protector/provider dynamic since ONEitis essentially sabotages what our natural propensities would otherwise filter.

    ONEitis is insecurity run amok while a person is single, and potentially paralyzing when coupled with the object of that ONEitis in an LTR. The same neurotic desperation that drives a person to settle for their ONE whether healthy or unhealthy is the same insecurity that paralyzes them from abandoning a damaging relationship – This is their ONE and how could they ever live without them? Or they’re my ONE, but all I need is to fix myself or them to have my idealized relationship. And this idealization of a relationship is at the root of ONEitis. With such a limiting, all-or-nothing binary approach to searching for ONE needle in the haystack over the course of a lifetime, how do we mature into a healthy understanding of what that relationship really entails?

    The very pollyannish idealized relationship – the “happily ever after” – that belief in a ONE promotes as an ultimate end is thwarted and contradicted by the costs of the constant pursuit of the ONE for which they’ll settle for. After the better part of a lifetime invested in this ideology, how much more difficult will it be to come to the realization that the person they’re with isn’t their ONE? To what extents will a person go to in order to protect a lifetime of this ego investment?

    The other problem I have with the present definition of ONEITIS is that it completely ignores the Cardinal Rule of Relationships:

    “In any relationship, whether romantic, business or familial, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.”

    At some point in a ONEitis relationship one participant will establish dominance based on the powerlessness that this ONEitis necessitates. There is no greater agency for a woman than to unquestioningly know that she is the only source of a man’s need for sex and intimacy. ONEitis only cements this into the understanding of both parties. For a man who believes that the emotionally and psychologically damaging relationship he has ego-invested himself to believe is with the only person in his lifetime he’s ever going to be compatable with, there is nothing more paralyzing. The same of course holds true for women and this is why we shake our heads when the beautiful HB 9 goes chasing back to her abusive and indifferent Jerk boyfriend, because she believes he is her ONE and the only source of security available to her.

    The definition of power is not financial success, status or influence over others, but the degree to which we have control over our own lives. Subscribing to the soulmate mythology necessitates that we recognize powerlessness in this arena of our lives. I think it would be far healthier to foster an understanding that there is no ONE. There are some good Ones and there are some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. For far too long, women have ego-invested themselves, and now men as well, in this mythology as a means to counter what at times I’m sure seems a hopless quest of an idealized relationship. It’s much easier to believe that there’s someone “out there” specially made to be with you than to constatly face the fear of rejection.

    To those who believe this, saying that there is no ONE is like saying there is no God; it is perceived as iconoclastic and nihilistic, but it doesn’t have to be. I’ve been married for 14 years now and I definitely feel protective of my wife and daughter. I wont deny that I have an impulse to be the provider and counselor of my home, but I know damn well that as much as I love my wife and we are a ‘good fit’ that were she to die or leave for some reason that I could find another ‘good fit’. I don’t have a ONEitis insecure relationship with my wife and in fact I’d say that if I were to adopt this insecure ideology nothing would drive her respect and desire for me down more.

    In the absence of power the other person will assume the dominante role. For proven biological and psychological evidence, women want a man to be that protector as well as the leader, the decision maker, the authority, because of an overwhelming need for long term security. If a woman perceives that a man’s ability to provide this security is in doubt, she will step into the vaccuum that he is unable or unwilling to assume. This is why you see the predominance of women as the ‘head of household” these days; the husband can’t be trusted to provide this security so she will grab the steering wheel from him and drive the family with a feminized society affirming her doing so and hanging their head in disgust at the deadbeat ONEitis afflicted man. ONEitis is the single greatest contributor to this male sense of powerlessness. By it’s very nature ONEitis is disempowering because it removes (or severely lessens) from a person control of their own lives.

    Like


  189. xsplat, Through real love and real romance and real fucking.”

    xsplat: “…real love…”

    her: “I want that porsche studded with diamonds.”

    xsplat: “…but real romance…”

    her: “Loser!”

    xsplat: “… real fucking, now… I’ll think about that porsche later…”

    her: “Fuck you!”

    Like


  190. “I think it would be far healthier to foster an understanding that there is no ONE. ”

    actually, there is a ONE. but that one is you yourself.
    One-itis has been a long disease among men, historically recorded as men seeing fairies in women who looked as crooked cows to others.
    But yeah having one-itis after one-itis is a current media driven disorder and (un)surprisingly common in the fairer-complexioned sex.

    Like


  191. on September 22, 2010 at 10:27 am Gunslingergregi

    Dam rollo everyone doing the caps now.

    Interesting read though.

    Like


  192. on September 22, 2010 at 10:32 am Gunslingergregi

    Sitting at the bottom of a 20 ft well and look up and be like dam that crazy dude I just met could push a rock down on me and fuck me up.

    Ahh fuck it don’t matter.

    Like


  193. on September 22, 2010 at 10:32 am feet on the ground

    Xsplat, you make some good points, such as

    “Sometimes it helps to have a belief that acts as an emotional crutch; something not true that we wish were true. God is one such crutch. A heavenly afterlife is another. Another one is justice.
    The notion of being happy alone is a rose tinted fairy tale. It is provisionally useful, but not True.”

    But I don’t want any crutches, any delusions.
    Romance can be one of those crutches too.

    FWIW, I didn’t advocate learning to be happy “alone”, but rather being happy “without having any one woman in your life”, ie, without one *special* woman.
    As for me, I try to cultivate all kinds of relationships in my life, ranging from the most casual to the most serious, with women, men, children, all kinds of people. Not trying to be happy “alone”.

    My point is, it’s desirable to avoid letting your happiness depend too much on any one person (outside of yourself), or any one source, such as yearning for prestigeous career achievement recognition from one place, such as critical acclaim from one ‘authority’, like those actors who would kill to win an Oscar, for example (unhappy despite all their life is giving them).
    [Of course the love of a parent for one’s children is a whole other category that I’m not addressing here.]

    Of course I agree, having one wonderful woman thinking you’re wonderful is a fantastic feeling; a situation to be sought and then perpetuated with high priority.

    I’m simply advocating making a deliberate effort to cultivate one’s autonomous happiness & self-respect as much as one can, such that one does not NEED a great romance as one’s ONLY escape from MISERY.
    Then of course when you do get a great romance going, you are more able to manage it well, to keep it going.

    Or maybe I’m just nitpicking about what is mean by the word “alone”.
    Getting back to Xsplat’s point about dubious beliefs which can help a person endure, I suppose one can live a fairly happy life with just the belief that life is worth living; that the good outweighs the bad, or at least that the good balances out the bad. A quiet, humble happiness.
    One’s happiness is much affected by his expectations — both what he expects of life and what he expects of himself. Sometimes persistent unhappiness with either is a sign that his expectations are unreasonably high, needing adjustment.
    A person can make himself unhappy by discounting the value of much that is quite available & obtainable; focusing exclusively on something he wants which is beyond his reach now; perpetuating a state of pointless self-deprivation.
    Having a great capacity to appreciate what IS can be a form of great wealth, and a path of liberation from frustration.

    Please excuse the pompous professor tone.
    Just hoping to share ideas that might be worthwhile to someone.

    Like


  194. @Rollo Tomassi

    “”ONEitis is the single greatest contributor to this male sense of powerlessness. By it’s very nature ONEitis is disempowering because it removes (or severely lessens) from a person control of their own lives.

    I believe ‘one-itis’ is the result of letting your guard down, and allowing yourself to be gamed by a chick.””

    The more you get sucked in to her drama, her push-pull, her controlling the frame, the more intense it becomes.

    Like


  195. on September 22, 2010 at 11:01 am Gunslingergregi

    ””””’A person can make himself unhappy by discounting the value of much that is quite available & obtainable; focusing exclusively on something he wants which is beyond his reach now; perpetuating a state of pointless self-deprivation.
    Having a great capacity to appreciate what IS can be a form of great wealth, and a path of liberation from frustration.”””””

    Yea but it is hard to shrug off not being a patriot and doing what needs to be done.

    Like


  196. Namae

    heh, but the pursuit of sukha leads to oneitis and hence to dukha.

    Ya. So that’s the point, isn’t it. It’s hopeless. Notions such as “just learn to be happy alone” don’t help any more than chasing skirt. Happiness is temporal, and nothing we can do will make it permanent. Not even learning how to be happy alone. As if that were possible. Which it isn’t. You’d need to be chemically or physically castrated, and even then, so we are told, you don’t get happy – you just get unmotivated.

    So my point is, there is no solution. Accept the fact that love is good and nessasary , that is a good temporary lie with grounding in our phycho-physical being, and that life is much improved with it, and that life can suck without it. And then accept that it hurts.

    There is no solution – only a better option.

    Like


  197. Feet

    Having a great capacity to appreciate what IS can be a form of great wealth, and a path of liberation from frustration.

    Yes, social scientists who study happiness claim that an excellent method to improve well-being is to often remind oneself what one is grateful for.

    I agree that its best to grab the beans from as many pots as possible, and not rely on the one big bean jar. I would disagree that there is any way to avoid heartbreak though. Not even a harem will stop the pain when you lose one of your girls. Fact is, the greater the benefit, the greater the potential pain – and yes, that is simply unavoidable – if remediable.

    Like


  198. The emotional pattern, for healthy individuals, roughly follows a sine waveform pattern correlating to the highs and lows of life. Don’t let the lows get you down, they’re a normal part of life.

    Like


  199. So, CR does medical advice too! Excellent post.

    Hilarious art. You guys are bad, smiles.

    How do we let these men and women get this much power of us? B/c the power exists to be tamed and respected.

    Don’t be dramatic burning pics and listening to sad music that reminds u of her. The media told people to do that.

    The emotional replacement value needs to remind you that there are plenty of girls on the girl tree, so shake it to meet someone new (VD ref). If you don’t take women too seriously, you won’t get caught up in them (losing who you are, in them).

    Like


  200. Rollo,
    Nailed it.

    I also blame Catholicism. Deify a virgin and pray for her forgiveness when you sin/follow your nature.

    Like


  201. It is so good to see that other know happiness is a place we visit. The spectrum of emotions are supposed 2 be varied. But today, If you say that to a American Dr. they will try to medicate you into imbecility or blankness.

    Like


  202. To ease the pain of one-itis, we try to find some mental balance and equanimity. Of course the first step is to realize that she’s replacable – maybe not with an equivalent, but with something or other. Something good in different ways, at least. Something that can bring joy and happiness and contentment, in a different way. Possibly never again in the ways she excelled at, but you never know.

    A great way to go about it is to simply give in to hate. That will burn her out your veins in a firestorm of righteous anger.

    Another is to email her pictures of the really cute chicks you are fucking, and tell her how much better they come than her.

    Another is just don’t do anything one way or another. Just let yourself think of her when you think of her, and let yourself not think of her when you are not thinking of her. Have a few soul wrenching gut spasming sobs. They help – really feeling it deeply at least a few times helps it move through. Then let that pass. Don’t cling to one or the other.

    Another is to travel, date, be social, keep busy. And date. I’ve had tears come out of my eyes when new dates asked me about the ex, and I still fucked those girls. Ya, it was weak, but even that heartbroken to the point of tears on the first date with a new chick, you can still game. It helps.

    Another is to write. Write letters to someone. Write a diary blog. Nothing helps keep thoughts from spinning round and round quite so much as exorcising them through live birth onto the page. Get them clear and well arranged and out in the open. Write a parent. Write on some sappy blog like thespearhead.

    Another is valium, for three days max. Sometimes the pain is drastic enough that you need it. Be good to yourself and eat it.

    Another is regular massage by a very talented masseuse that you dig.

    Another is moving to a new location.

    Another is diversifying out the different things you got from her. If she was great at both fucking and conversation, get your fucks and conversational needs met in multiple places.

    Like


  203. on September 22, 2010 at 12:06 pm FortitudineVincimus

    OneItis is Chemical War in your brain.

    My specific remedies to lesser-alphas, higher-betas:

    Go travel. As an aspiring male, always have some cash for emergencies. This is one of them.

    And don’t travel to Miami to stay in a hotel, you douche. Buy a back pack, a few items, and hike your way throught Central or South America.

    Remove yourself so COMPLETELY from your everyday routine she’ll have no chance of getting in there (more than 100 times a day).

    Get hammered, screw, do whatever. It’s expensive, but your investing in yourself – your own personal development. The traveling will give you great stories to share when you get back, the sun a tan that will have the chicks wondering what’s this guy up to – one month, then back to work, weekend partying, and dazel the first charming sweetheart with a pretty face you see with your adventures, light-heartedness, and positive attitude towards life mixed up with some mystery.

    Critical: stay away from places with lots of tourists – they’ll wreck the experience for you. The point is to get out of your comfort zone.

    Failing traveling, it takes me a good six months to get over a girl I really fall for, as a rule. By then, the chemical war has left a little stronger, with a more profound reality. But really, traveling is easier.

    Like


  204. on September 22, 2010 at 12:08 pm Obstinance Works

    I can see how this worse-case scenario is possible in its entirety. I’ve heard of similar cases. Don’t underestimate the powers of Oneitis. The solution is more relevant than the (hypothetical or real) problem anyway.

    Like


  205. on September 22, 2010 at 12:13 pm Obstinance Works

    Something that works for me is to stop masturbating for at least a month and only fuck the best girls in your rolodex. Wash, rinse, and repeat until satisfactory results are achieved. Ahhh; nice, fresh and clean after all.

    Like


  206. on September 22, 2010 at 12:17 pm Obstinance Works

    Of course, Weed is a good if you choose the chemical pathway.

    Like


  207. Oneitis is male desperation by another name. The probability of getting it is related to how hot she was and whether you had slapped her in the face with your dick when you had the chance.

    Like


  208. The probability of getting it is related to how hot she was and whether you had slapped her in the face with your dick when you had the chance.

    True. If you did, and she loved it because you did it right, the one-itis will be stronger.

    Like


  209. Never done that, just a throwaway idea to make people read the main idea… however, if you do slap her in the face with your genitals it would probably best if she was taken by surprise, for the reason you suggest.

    Like


  210. Not all types of oneitis are bad (if you don’t go completely overboard).

    Oneitis before you get the bang and repeat bang, and bangs more or less at will, is bad because it strongly tends to make it less likely you’ll get that. It messes with your inner game. It’s the wrong frame. Even if you do eventually get her, you’ll tend to get her in a beta relationship way.

    Oneitis after you break up (virtually always because she leaves you or you just formally leave her because she’s going to or is cheating your ass off), aka “malignant oneitis”, is soul wrenching because it tends to make it harder to get laid by hotter girls afterwards, and definitely harder to fall in love again. This post was great on that.

    Oneitis while in the midst of a LTR though is otherwise known as being in love. Yes that has it’s dangers especially when partaken of deeply. There’s the danger of being left, and miring in malignant oneitis. To avoid that it’s important for the guy to fall in love second not first, and always a little bit less so, and in a more controlled way. It’s important, critical even in maintaining her love and adoration, that he maintain hand in this way.

    But being in love is also one of the best feelings in life. Too much icy control diminishes that feeling.

    It’s a dance.

    Like


  211. Doug1,
    fuck love and being in love! you’re just delusional.

    Like


  212. “Oneitis while in the midst of a LTR though is otherwise known as being in love. Yes that has it’s dangers especially when partaken of deeply . . . But being in love is also one of the best feelings in life. Too much icy control diminishes that feeling.”

    Exactly. Being able to love and be loved is one of life’s great joys. While a certain amount of game is necessary to stoke the flames of an LTR, constantly being on guard and playing mind games can be a barrier to true intimacy.

    As much as I appreciate Roissy’s and other poster’s advice on game, I think sometimes they present an excessively shallow view of what attracts men.

    The girl that I’m head over heels for is not the most physically attractive girl I have ever banged – not by a long shot. In fact, she is a few pounds overweight.

    Believe it or not, it is her personality that really separates her from the others. She is intelligent, funny, charming, and talented. I like her smile and her laugh.

    So yeah, oneitis is not necessarily a bad thing – especially if it is reciprocal.

    Like


  213. what

    The question is how did your Oneitis make you feel. The answer is embedded in your feelings. Replicate those feelings in other areas of your life, not replicate the woman, cause it’s impossible…. there is only one of her.

    BTW, Firepower, what seminar!?hehehe!! lol!!

    i dont know whom makes my glistener harder – you, or gaybooksformen

    Like


  214. Ya, what Doug said. Ideally, you moderate the depth of your infatuations. It is possible to somewhat moderate them. And when it’s reasonably safe to do so, indulge some. That’s an important human indulgence – without which life is barren.

    Like


  215. I made a pretty good comment that touched on oneitis here:

    http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/the-pill/#comment-189520

    Like


  216. Ya, that was a good comment, PA, and it hints at a seduction tip.

    Just letting someone know that you think they are special, makes you special to them.

    For instance I flirted with the massage girl today, telling her to stop being cute because it make it difficult for me to concentrate when I walked by. I was rewarded with an sms message saying that while regular customers can see her only until 9pm, she could visit me after 10.

    Negs are to get them off of the pedestal, but just letting a girl know you are into her can totally change your relationship to her. Straight up full out compliment. Sexual compliment.

    By the way, the massage girl works in the lobby and has seen my hottie walk with me up to my room a few times. MAJOR dhv.

    Like


  217. My last words on this topic.

    you guys can say all you want about how to cure this Oneitis…do this, do that, go here, go there, analyze this, interpret that…… the reality is that you can never fight the forces of the ever powerful reptilian brain! To get to our logical center everyone needs to bypass the reptilian center. Biologically we will alll fall prey to Oneitis. Just go with it and not fight it. It is what it is. Enjoy it while you can. It may be the last oneitis you’ll ever feel!

    Firepower….you’re GAY? more power to you! hee!

    Like


  218. Hopefully the Chateau gets around to dismantling and ripping apart that Newsweek article about how we need to “reimagine masculinity.”

    Like


  219. @Gunslingergregi

    “Just your consciense.

    Your inner voice.

    That thing that drives you to be mad or become a legend.”

    Do you realize that your inner voice is just you and your thinking?

    What is the thing? Seriously this is so vague, I don’t even know what conscious is so please explain further.

    For example, when I steal something. People say you feel guilty, is that the same from the adrenaline rush from maybe getting caught? Or is drug usage and emotions different. Maybe that’s why I do a lot of drugs, so I can evoke the experience of emotion.

    Like


  220. lozlzozlzlolzlzlzozzozl

    Hey girls, like to date assholes? Don’t worry, you’re not alone

    The Worthy Competitor

    You know what? It’s a cop-out to say only weak girls go for assholes. Self-esteem aside, many girls crave the thrill of keeping up with a jerky guy, or better yet, putting him in his place. While they might not always be better at flirting per se, assholes have a certain knack for conversation that confident girls can’t wait to provoke. When you’re not looking for anything serious, few things are sexier than a well-spoken, quick-talking guy whose comebacks somehow indicate that he’ll be amazing in bed.

    http://badgerherald.com/artsetc/2010/09/21/hey_girls_like_to_da.php

    lzozlzozlzozlzozlzozoz

    Like


  221. what

    My last words on this topic.

    you guys can say all you want about how to cure this Oneitis…do this, do that, go here, go there, analyze this, interpret that…… the reality is that you can never fight the forces of the ever powerful reptilian brain! …. hee!

    im stunned and SHOCKED
    that you dont know who
    gaybooksformen/greatbooksformen is

    shocked

    Like


  222. Not for me to say that (as I wrote, dealing with this myself right now and had a huge drunken beta meltdown this weekend).. But. All this “she’s so good” stuff is pussy talk. If you get dumped, you don’t need to freaking travel in South America and stop jerking off and “eat, pray, love” or whatever. You just suck it up and get on with your life – queue Swingers clip from above. The problem (and the post touches on that) is if you know it’s no good and you need to end it, but *you don’t want it to end*. How do you get over that… Or if you truly don’t want to, how do you keep the proper frame. That’s what we’re talking about.
    And speaking of frame, once you get a taste of a right alpha relationship with your 1tis and others, you yourself can’t go back to beta one. To rephrase the maxim, for the guy too, 5 minutes of being alpha worth 5 years of being beta, you know.

    Like


  223. PA–

    Yeah this which you link to above was damn good:

    He asked me then, “PA, I see where you’re coming from about oneitis, but how do you reconcile that with you loving your wife and in a sense having a ‘oneitis’ for her?”

    I told him: “look at all the girls at this gym. All the girls at the mall, at work, at college campuses. Not one of them is special. They are all just walking pussies. Why? because not one of those girls loves you. Only a girl who loves you is special. And if she no longer loves you and cares for you, she is once again relegated to the ranks of all the generic girls at work, malls, colleges.”

    [editor: a very good answer.]

    A great deal of Anglosphere romantic culture and stories encourages men to have oneitis for the girl before she does for him, and to have it more than she does for him. That’s what a “healthy relationship” and courtship is supposed to look like, according to this disinformation.

    Like


  224. Gorb—

    If my GF and I break up, it will crush me. It’s crucial that she never know this.

    She has no idea I’m running the biggest bluff ever: All my aloof, devil-may-care attitude is put-on. I’m so way our of my league that there’s likely no chance for me to ever repeat this.

    This means: I can only imagine the one-itis I’m going to have forever if I fuck this up.

    This fake letter of Roissy’s pales by comparison. I could sport-fuck my way through the entire Dallas Cowboys cheerleader squad and not cure the one-itis I’ll have if this ends.

    So here’s the question: What the hell do you do when the only direction you can go is down?

    Hang on tight?

    But not LOOK like you’re hanging on tight, right?

    You KNOW this is the wrong way to be thinking, right?

    Don’t think about hanging on tight at all. Have you read Chateau’s relationship game week posts from over a year ago? Especially the ones that compile Dave from Hawaii’s best comments on that here? Good stuff and readily google site searchable.

    It will do you good to stop thinking she’s the hottest girl alive. She isn’t. Appreciate her but appreciate other hot chicks too.

    Neg her on her indecision on what to wear all the time that you’ve mentioned. Hell neg her on her looks. It’s important. Find so little flaw. It exists. Or make one up.

    Like


  225. I’ve had two cases of oneitis, which seems enough to disprove the premise of oneitis that there can only be one. Acquiring the second one was the cure for the first. The second, having no sequel, was a long term malignant oneitis, to use Roissy’s terminology.

    Banged less good looking girls and it got worse. A Roissy pointed out, this only magnifies the oneitis.

    In my head, I had a very specific narrative regarding she and I. She came out very well in that narrative while I held the list of things I did wrong. There were things which she did which the narrative could not adequately account for, but I did what most people do and ignored that.

    It was finding Tucker Max’s forums that provided the way out for me. In the advice asking column, there would be young men who had a story to tell about a girl and himself. There were two distinctly different camps: those who assumed the best about the girl and those who assumed the worst.

    Reading these accounts, the predictions made by the two camps and then the end result of the account was eye opening. Those theories assuming the worst in the girl had tremendous predictive power whereas the other camp’s did not.

    What was more important is that the stories which these guys had mirrored my own. Crucially, the predictions by the “assume the worst” group was inevitably how events had played out in my life. These people who knew nothing about the my life at all had a better understanding of it than I did.

    Involuntary reevaluation was the outcome. My mind started at the beginning with Girl #1 and scoured everything through the end of Girl #2 chronologically. The understanding I had of what had transpired was transformed and I was left with a substantially different narrative than I had before; one which was made more sense and incorporated those bits and pieces which never made sense under the older narrative.

    While this was playing out, I did what XSplat recommends and wrote. This helped to solidify the new narrative as being better than the old one that I had in my head. The new and improved version has so completely taken hold that anything I wrote about the same events before this transformation of the understanding comes across to me as plainly and obviously incomplete.

    Needless to say, oneitis was cured.

    Like


  226. @Doug1,

    Oh, I do. Flaws galore.

    She thinks I’m an aloof, untouchy, unfeely guy, which means anything I do that shows affection hits her like bricks through a window – melts her.

    But the truth is – wise or not, I’m as much melted butter as she is.

    There was a moment when she was begging me for a sign – a spontaneous release of emotion – and when she got it, she was a mess; she’s said repeatedly that she can’t imagine life without me, now.

    I know it’s easy to lose this, … so I’m making sure it sticks hard. But the truth is –

    I still want to beta myself, and just go googly eyed and blubber all over the place. I’m happily restraining myself from getting even an inch closer to this, but as time passes, we’re getting more and more comfortable together, and I’m sure the Beta me will shine out at some point.

    But having established this, I think I can retreat into appropriate Shit-Test Avoidance fairly effectively.

    Surprisingly few yet. Dad gummit, I spent a night with another woman and told her – and she accepted the fact.

    I’m obviously doing something right.

    Like


  227. on September 22, 2010 at 4:12 pm feet on the ground

    Gorbachev,

    It’s good to know it’s going great for you.
    And good to know my presumptuous comments to you may have some value.
    Rock on.

    Like


  228. @feet on the ground
    Gorbachev,

    It’s good to know it’s going great for you.</I.

    So far. I'd marry the woman without hesitation next week if my state wasn't such a piece of socialist shit / hive of laser-guided male hatred tempered by puritan idiot-lunacy.

    On the other hand, living with her sounds like it would go over just fine.

    I'm not retarded – when you get a good thing, you appreciate it. I intend to to a lot of appreciating.

    And good to know my presumptuous comments to you may have some value.
    Rock on.

    Presume on.

    You’re not the first to call me out, and if the universe is good, you won’t be the last.

    Like


  229. what

    My last words on this topic.

    from the looks of the delay
    there’s to be no snappy comeback

    darn

    Like


  230. @Firepower
    @what

    “My last words on this topic.

    from the looks of the delay
    there’s to be no snappy comeback

    darn”

    hey, hey, I just got it. snap, snap, snaaapp!!hehe!!

    Like


  231. @Firepower
    @what

    “My last words on this topic.

    from the looks of the delay
    there’s to be no snappy comeback

    darn”

    hey, hey, I just got it. snap, snap, snaaapp!!hehe!!

    Firepower, I don’t need to know Greatbooksformen. I know u! How’s that for snappy, snappy, snappy!!!

    Like


  232. Gorbachev,
    You are playing with fire. I accepted it too when my alpha-type boyfriend cheated on me with casual one-night-stands. I was just helplessly in love with him, but more important, I believed that he loved me too, and these other girls were just his alphaness, or whatever. I didn’t like it, but believing that he loved only me made it bearable. Not to bore with details, but he went too far, and finally made me think I was fooling myself, that he couldn’t love me and treat me so badly. I forced myself to care less about him, to protect myself from further pain. I could never get that old feeling back and love him the way I had, even though he wanted it.

    Marriedmansexlife is by a married guy who really has married game nailed, a balance of alpha and beta. You probably need a little more alpha for the 1-year relationship you are after, the never ending asshole game is going to make it a miserable year, if you can both make it that long.

    Like


  233. @Digby
    Gorbachev,
    You are playing with fire. I accepted it too when my alpha-type boyfriend cheated on me with casual one-night-stands. I was just helplessly in love with him, but more important, I believed that he loved me too, and these other girls were just his alphaness, or whatever. I didn’t like it, but believing that he loved only me made it bearable. Not to bore with details, but he went too far, and finally made me think I was fooling myself, that he couldn’t love me and treat me so badly. I forced myself to care less about him, to protect myself from further pain. I could never get that old feeling back and love him the way I had, even though he wanted it.

    I know. I neither wanted nor engineered either situation; I’ve consistently been step by step giving up the power to engineer them without her knowledge; and I’m frighteningly honest with her. She’s not constructed the same way as many women I’ve known, but that said, I know my leeway is not as wide as it seems and will run out awfully quick. But it’s not like I’m taking advantage of it or falling into old patterns (not so old, but patterns just the same).

    Nobody knows more than me that this is fire.

    So she’s going to get what she wants, in fact.

    Marriedmansexlife is by a married guy who really has married game nailed, a balance of alpha and beta. You probably need a little more alpha for the 1-year relationship you are after, the never ending asshole game is going to make it a miserable year, if you can both make it that long.

    I’m using something else – I’m shit at asshole game. I’ve never, ever been able to pull it off convincingly. I do aloof and disinterested like a master. But asshole game just rings badly for me.

    I’ve been using a kind of Nuclear Bomb game. I’ve been doing it from the beginning – no choice. I couldn’t have gotten over the “he’s not my type” hump without it.

    So when I admit I spent the night with another woman, it’s not the admission of guilt – I explained it, didn’t even try to justify it, stated why it happened matter-of-factly and and indicated that I might have avoided the situation had I been more conscious. Exes are always dangerous.

    Then throw genuine affection in and have to go off somewhere – and kabang, you get hamster wheels turning. You’d never, ever guess where her hamster got to. Unreal.

    But my pass for this kind of thing runs out fast. I don’t even want to do it – I’ve got no motivation to sow oats right now. She knows this, and knows that the other men she’s been with pull shit and lie about it – or don’t care. I seem to care, but shit just happens.

    I have maybe one more pass before I damage what we’ve built. No, I think they’re all spent, I correct that.

    The frame is critical. But no frame can protect you forever – so hanging out with exes has got to go.

    Hanging out with woman and exes might still be in.

    Like


  234. @Gorbachev:
    “I’ve been using a kind of Nuclear Bomb game. I’ve been doing it from the beginning – no choice. I couldn’t have gotten over the “he’s not my type” hump without it.”

    Would you care to elaborate what “Nuclear Bomb game” is, how it’s done, etc?
    Some of us still have much to learn!

    Cheers.

    Like


  235. lazy guy,

    The short description of Gorb’s Nuclear Bomb game is always do the most alpha possible thing in every situation, and be completely dominating and maintain frame above all other considerations. This allowed him to snag a 9, but he ran into trouble later because he was so obsessed with keeping hand that he didn’t start mixing beta in with alpha in appropriate proportions, which is essential for LTRs. Eventually he figured it out, but he is still struggling with the STR-LTR transition.

    Like


  236. xplat – help me out here. I’m into quality sex. I’ve got oneitis, but for women with tight cunts and cocksucking skillz.

    Lots of women have sloppy cunts. I don’t care how good they look, if there cunts are loose, I’m not spooing. Likewise, a lot of women can’t suck a cock to save their life.

    The result of this is that I’m hung up over my previous sex partners that – among other things – worked out with a kegelmaster2000 (I’m the one that gave them the thing). Basically, I trained them how to do a good job.

    I miss them.

    What should I do?

    Like


  237. @Polymath

    lazy guy,

    The short description of Gorb’s Nuclear Bomb game is always do the most alpha possible thing in every situation, and be completely dominating and maintain frame above all other considerations.

    IE, she wants to have sex. Sometimes, even if you want to strip her naked, say no. Don’t ask for permission for anything; make plans and expect her to come.

    This allowed him to snag a 9, but he ran into trouble later because he was so obsessed with keeping hand that he didn’t start mixing beta in with alpha in appropriate proportions, which is essential for LTRs. Eventually he figured it out, but he is still struggling with the STR-LTR transition.

    It’s a bitch.

    Like


  238. Gorbachev:

    The simplest, best explanation I know of right now is actually from the South Park Episode “Bebe’s Boobs Destroy Society.” In it, Bebe hits puberty first and all the boys find themselves behaving strangely, becoming violent and competitive. Reduced to apes, beating chests and throwing feces at each other. The girls are equally mystified, as is Bebe herself, until the grown-ups explain what’s happening and how society works.

    The key insight comes from Stan’s dad, who explains to his son that these mysterious females are interchangeable, as is their allure. Women have that power because they are women, plain and simple. Then, one day, you meet one you want to stick with, but until then, they are all “just girls.” Armed with this wisdom, they realize that Bebe isn’t that special after all.

    If a girl is really into you, you’ll know unless she has weird problems and is probably more trouble than she’s worth. It seems clear this one really loves you, as I went through something similar recently. Though I don’t like to brag online, so far so good. My hottie is completely devoted and in love, or at least putting in tons of effort to fake it with utter perfection.

    So, my read on your situation is thus: You need to toughen up, and she will respond positively because that’s what is natural for her. For you that means a psychic toughening, e.g.: She is interchangeable. Someone, somewhere, is sick of her. She’s just a girl. There are more and younger ones coming up every day. That sort of thing.

    As has been said above, she must want you a little more than you want her. Then you modulate based on her menstrual cycle, a la Dave from Hawaii. Fuck her like nobody else ever has, or ever will, because you are hungry and you take what is yours.

    Like


  239. Chrysalis,

    You need to toughen up, and she will respond positively because that’s what is natural for her. For you that means a psychic toughening, e.g.: She is interchangeable. Someone, somewhere, is sick of her. She’s just a girl. There are more and younger ones coming up every day. That sort of thing.

    This is not quite right for LTRs. Toughening yourself has some negative consequences. Better to raise your inner game — even if she is special and rare and better than the others, she is still lucky to have you and you totally deserve her. If you can establish *yourself* as unique and special and completely irreplaceable, so that it is inconceivable she could ever find someone else who gives her what you do, you don’t have to show toughness or hold back on your emotional expressiveness. The only thing you really have to avoid in this area is neediness.

    In other words, it’s ok to ask her for X rather than tell her to give you X, as long as it is because you WANT X rather than that you NEED X. She should want to make you happy, and once that is her guiding principle then there will not be much difference between telling her and asking her.

    Some women will wilt if they don’t get reinforcement and rewards and affection in LTRs, being tough and treating them as nothing special may be great for getting them attracted in the first place but over the long term they’ll starve emotionally if that’s all they get.

    Another thing that has not been emphasized enough in discussing oneitis is the investment issue. The reason it seems like you “will never find someone else as good” as this woman is that you may have put a huge amount of effort and time into the relationship — appropriate effort and time because it was rewarded by making the relationship so great — and you’re naturally reluctant to make the assumption you will put this much effort into a relationship with some other random woman you are contemplating. Realizing this makes oneitis less disturbing emotionally, and it also promotes the more rational attitude within LTRs that although in theory you could find someone else as good or better, the effort and uncertainty are daunting enough that you should be happy with what you’ve got.

    This can be put in economic terms. There is a temptation to regard the effort put into a relationship as a “sunk cost”, and rational economic actors know that they should ignore sunk costs in considering future courses of action and only consider prospective costs and benefits. But the danger of this point of view is that the value of that effort is not really sunk, the current relationship is only as good as it is because of it, and it is too easy to overlook that prospective future relationships will require the same amount of effort in order to be as good as they can be.

    One great thing about LTRs is the integration of past, present, and future. Shared past experiences have a present value, as do anticipated future experiences. This can be true even at the end of a relationship or afterwards . In the play and movie “Shadowlands”, based on the marriage of C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman Gresham, there is a great scene where they are discussing the possibility of her cancer recurring and whether the possibility of that horrible loss should deter them from getting married, and she says something like “the pain then is part of the happiness now, that’s the deal”. And at the end, when she has died and he is grieving, the recollection of that line consoles him — it is brilliantly written so that no one actually says the turned-around version of the line that the happiness then is part of the pain he experiences now, but the audience recognizes the consolation.

    Like


  240. on September 23, 2010 at 10:51 am Gunslingergregi

    Yea that is the type of shit I don’t ever want to have to face better to die young..

    Like


  241. So maybe just maybe that threesome of Mr Pasty’s was with Ms Jennifer Lopez Left and Right. But the unwholesome truth is still that the sick, intense shit can be addictive. When she’s just a bit too fucked in the head.

    At a guess, it’s nature’s own push-pull, by which I mean her being bipolar. Lights on: super infatuation; lights off: super drama. How can you not be fascinated?

    It never lasts. You never leave better off. Only cure: become a war photographer.

    Like


  242. PA, excellent frame.

    Like


  243. […] – “Beta Fights Back“, “Curing Oneitis“, “A Woman Explains Why Chicks Dig Jerks“, “HBD and […]

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  244. on September 26, 2010 at 11:10 am nothingbutthetruth

    Great post and so timely for me. But, what do you do where the ex was way about your league (you were lucky) and you are so hopeless beta that you can’t get another that hot? How to cure one-itis then?

    Like


  245. […] if you’re unhappy, you WILL be able to walk away. That means getting over Oneitis. I love this blog article about curing Oneitis. Second, increase your value. The higher your value in a social […]

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  246. […] So how can one keep their relationship in the midst of unyielding passion? You must shift the dynamic back into what it originally was. First, Your girlfriend must constantly a feel a slight attachment anxiety like she felt in the beginning of your relationship. She needs to feel like you aren’t dependent on her – that if you’re unhappy, you WILL be able to walk away. That means getting over your Oneitis. I love this blog article about curing Oneitis. […]

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  247. […] viaCuring Oneitis « Citizen Renegade. […]

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  248. Excellent essay, Roissy.

    Like


  249. […] he is advising a young reader on how to avoid growing up to be a big pussy. And here’s his advice for some other guy who can’t seem to get over his girlfriend. You don’t necessarily have to agree with his analysis in either of those posts (but […]

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