Fake Tits

I kept pulling up her shirt.  She resisted.  I pulled on her pants and panties.  They came off without much fuss.  Back to the shirt.  More resistance.  She’s tugging down on her shirt while her lower half is completely naked and grinding into my crotch.  Weird.  Are the boobs really that much more precious to a woman than the pussy?  Then I discovered the answer.

Fake tits.  Super fake.  Like the kind that bumped up an A to a C.  The kind where you could see the outline of the bag along the perimeter of the boob.  Unnaturally pert.  Egregiously firm.

But the worst?  The feel.  Under clothes, fake tits look great.  Superb, even.  Parade them around the National Cathedral and be the envy of your friends and neighbors.  But naked?  Disturbing visual.  And they felt like rocks stuffed under a nipple.

Rocks.

No soft supple malleable sponginess.  Just rocks.

Such a pretty girl.

So pretty.

So flawed.

As soon as my cupped hands encountered the immoveable objects that were her breasts, I knew she would never be girlfriend worthy.

What goes through a guy’s head when he’s got a hot chick halfway home to sex and he caresses silicone under a taut drum head of flesh?

I’ll tell you what.

Don’t give too much of yourself to this girl.  Keep it superficial, just like her tits.

This is a chick who lives and dies by her beauty.  A trophy wife in training.  A girl who doesn’t mind being an accessory on the arm of a powerful man who is fucking ten other women.  A strategist.  A status whore.  A decepticon.  A cipher.

A girl who reapplies her makeup every fifteen minutes.

And I was right.

There’s room in the world for those types of women.  Just not my world.

So I offer some advice to small-boobed women.

Don’t butcher yourselves.

You look great under a sweater with augmentation.

But I’m not fucking a sweater.

And that’s what really matters.

Isn’t it?

No, it isn’t?

Goodbye.





Warning:  I wrote this drunk and post-coital at 5am.  Reconsiderations pending.  Reader beware.





Comments


  1. […] Weapon XXX wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptUnder clothes, fake tits look great. Superb, even. Parade them around the National Cathedral and be the envy of your friends and neighbors. But naked? Disturbing visual. And they felt like rocks stuffed under a nipple. … […]

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  2. just like everything else in life.. there are good ones and bad ones.. ive seen/felt some really GREAT boob jobs… and some really bad ones… and have to agree unless you are really unhappy with your twins… work what your mama gave you…why risk it???…
    xoxo

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  3. Damn kid, even drunk and post-coital your spittin’ knowledge. You must have access to some top notch blow.

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  4. Back in the Stone Age when I was young they were called “falsies”.

    Liked by 1 person


  5. Yeah I’ve felt a few not-so-good ones, and the “rocks under a nipple” metaphor is right on. On the other hand, I have heard that some surgeons can replicate quite well the look feel and delightful wobble of a real breast.

    I don’t care a whit if they’re fake — I just want it to feel good in my hands, and bounce just right as I’m doing my thing.

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  6. ive seen/felt some really GREAT boob jobs…

    don’t be such a tease.

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  7. The initial issue is not necessarily the natural look/feel of breast implants, but why a woman would get them in the first place. Some women get them because of their careers (actresses, singers, entertainers, etc…), while others get them because of low self-esteem. While many men don’t care about women who have low self-esteem, since that makes it easier to have sex with them, others who would consider a long-term relationship are seriously turned off by such women.

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  8. Y’all are gay. Who cares that they’re fake as long as they’re big. Anything below a D cup is useless to me…

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  9. Fake breast make the best for target practice…… just sayin

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  10. DA – glad to see you’re staying in character.

    gatsby – that’s right. low self-esteem = drama-filled relationship. now if you’re the type of guy who feasts on that drama, then knock yourself out picking up chicks at the local poetry slam event or ford modeling agency auditions.

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  11. on September 21, 2007 at 8:57 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    This is a great post. I had the exact same experience and went through the exact same range of emotions. I walked away thinking the same things.

    Some ten years later, I’m still grossed out by what I felt when I touched said women. There is something freakish about feeling hard, plastic-y things under human skin.

    And suicide blonde doesn’t know what she/he is saying — this was a good boob job, but still inhuman.

    I once dated a girl who was whippet-thin with almost no breasts and touching her was a zillion million times better than the fake ones. Yuck.

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  12. has to make you wonder what else is fake. Why stop with Tits?

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  13. Fake tits are absolutely horrible. False advertising in the extreme. Women who think that men don’t immediately realize the difference and are disgusted are the same women that think men don’t recognize faked orgasms? If a woman really thinks they can get away with stuffing rubber in their chest and pretending to be buxom I should be able to walk around with a zucchini in my pants and pretend to be Virgle Kent.

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  14. I once dated a girl who was whippet-thin with almost no breasts and touching her was a zillion million times better than the fake ones. Yuck.

    Maybe it’s my porn addiction talking, but if a girl has less than a D cup, she might as well cut her hair short and go lesbian. Large fake tits will always be better than small nonexistent B cups. And yes, I’ve turned down sex from a girl who would have done anything to please me because she was a thin B cup model. She would have made a great friend had I bothered to keep her around, but certainly, her B cups just made her really undesirable sexually.

    Either you guys have low standards or you have some latent homosexuality that’s clouding your judgment.

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  15. David, either you’re the porn addict or we’re the latent homosexuals. One or the other, dude.

    I’ve always liked smaller breasts. Niice firm B-cups are perfect. Small breasts on a woman are adornments; big ones, udders.

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  16. not to mention, gravity always wins.

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  17. on September 22, 2007 at 10:14 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    “Either you guys have low standards or you have some latent homosexuality that’s clouding your judgment.”

    I find it telling that no matter how evolved or liberal we all think we are, when there is an “insult” to be thrown around, it always takes the form of “you’re gay.”

    I don’t consider “you’re gay” as an insult, because I think there’s nothing wrong with that. Prejudice breeds prejudice, though, my friend, and don’t be surprised if you get a black insult levied against you pretty soon. I’m sure a lot of folks would rather be part of America’s gay community (which outearns the straight community) than the black community (I’ll say no more).

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  18. DOBA, I think in this case you’re the one who regards the word “gay” as an insult. DA wasn’t necessarily insulting gays when he said what he did; he was saying that only gay men could be so indifferent to big breasts. If straight men interpret that as an insult, it’s their problem. Meanwhile, any gay man would agree that yes indeed, he doesn’t much like big breasts.

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  19. Chicks really need to give up the plastic tits crap.. way better with the real deal please.

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  20. Nothing beats big natural ones.

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  21. except for nice, pert, proportional ones

    Big boobs are a terrible investement. A large B or small C is perfect.

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  22. Alias clio was right, and I was using gay to imply that your tastes are weird. Gay men don’t like breasts, so one can presume that a man who prefers women with small breasts over large, yet fake breasts must be a homosexual. The breasts are a sign of femininity, and A and B cups can make some girls look downright boyish.

    Chicks really need to give up the plastic tits crap.. way better with the real deal please.

    Big boobs are a terrible investement. A large B or small C is perfect.

    I like big boobs. Great for grabbing, sucking, and titty fucking. Sucking off an A or B cup is no different than sucking off a man’s tit as far as I’m concerned…

    I’m sure a lot of folks would rather be part of America’s gay community (which outearns the straight community) than the black community (I’ll say no more).

    As a black man, I’d agree with your assessment. It is better to be white and gay than black. It’s much easier to hide being gay than to hide being black.

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  23. “Sucking off an A or B cup is no different than sucking off a man’s tit as far as I’m concerned…” — David Alexander

    I have to ask the question. How can you know that it’s no different?

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  24. I have to ask the question. How can you know that it’s no different?

    Primarily because A and B cups are nearly as flat as a man’s chest…

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  25. I’m sure a lot of folks would rather be part of America’s gay community (which outearns the straight community) than the black community (I’ll say no more).
    Quite a weird turn for this topic but…
    You’d think so wouldn’t you, but it turns out that’s not the case. Plenty of people adopt themselves into the “black community”, some famous examples include Barak Obama (who’s the son of a white American and a Kenyan immigrant), Halle Barry (born to and raised by a single white woman), and Terrence Howard (half-white). Happens all the time among commoners too. They probably aren’t defining blacks by the worst examples as gentrifiers to ghetto ridden urban areas are wont to.
    I’m willing to bet that there’s not a single example of anyone joining the “gay community”.

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  26. on September 24, 2007 at 6:34 pm David Alexander

    The thing is that you’ve listed people who are half-black, and due to America’s racial customs, would be considered black by our standards, but white or mulatto in other parts of the world. Plus, Barack Obama is a bad example because he really doesn’t act black, but he’s laden with dark skin.

    I’m willing to bet that there’s not a single example of anyone joining the “gay community”.

    I believe they’re called metrosexuals and LUGS.

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  27. Plus, Barack Obama is a bad example because he really doesn’t act black, but he’s laden with dark skin.

    ::snort:: “act black”? Okay, and what is that? Who’re the authentic blacks who define black behavior? And how does that make him a bad example anyway; my point is merely that he considers himself an “African-American” for some reason.

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  28. on September 25, 2007 at 12:17 am David Alexander

    ::snort:: “act black”? Okay, and what is that? Who’re the authentic blacks who define black behavior?

    Barack Obama from what we’ve seen in the media would fall under the “oreo” category, and not be considered “black”. He grew up with whites, is well educated, doesn’t have the “black” or “ghetto” accent, doesn’t have nasty looking “bling” and he doesn’t scare the shit out of white people with nasty cornrows or a doorag. I can’t ascertain anything about his taste in music or other forms of media, but there are plenty of black people who only listen to rap.

    For all intents in purposes, he has to consider himself as African-American because the foreign born black population occupies such a small niche in American society and in black society in general. It makes moving to Canada very tempting because the fast majority of blacks there are foreigners (with a huge number from my part of the Caribbean), and “blend” in better with the rest of Canadian society.

    If you want a stereotypical black guy, look at your typical rap artist for a slightly exaggerated, yet spot on accurate assessment of many black males. The comedienne Monique is the de facto stereotype of the black female.

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  29. hha love it !!! read my blog on vanity !! f’n fake tits man !

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  30. I have to say that I’ve been there, and I’m in 100% agreement with this post. Leave them be, ladies.

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  31. “This is a chick who lives and dies by her beauty. A trophy wife in training. A girl who doesn’t mind being an accessory on the arm of a powerful man who is fucking ten other women. A strategist. A status whore. A decepticon. A cipher.

    A girl who reapplies her makeup every fifteen minutes.

    And I was right.

    There’s room in the world for those types of women. Just not my world.”

    This is written by the same author who, in many other posts, claims that beauty is the MAIN thing that he, and other men, want.

    ?? So which is it? Make up your mind? You mainly want beauty, above all else, in a woman – yet you can’t stand the women who are beauty obsessed?

    You can’t have it both ways. However, this post goes a long way toward explaining why this many cannot get a woman to stick around. After reading through this blog, it’s obvious that he’s a pathetic loser who has to keep chasing women because no one gives him a second look after one shot. He’s probably horrible in bed. Guys like this, almost without exception, usually are.

    Get a grip, and grow up. From reading theses posts, particularly about “alpha males” and “alpha females” – about men’s value in quantity (of bangs I assume the writer means) and women’s value in commitment, I’m thinking he’s a real idiot. At the very least living at least fifty years in the past, when such faulty thinking was the norm, like thinking the earth was flat.

    But dude, come on! Read some science. Read some psychology, some scientific studies! There’s no excuse to have such theories that are so far away from actual reality that it’s pathetic.

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  32. I think David Alexander is the one with the latent homosexuality.

    Only men who feel that desperate of a need to “prove” their manhood and their sexual conquest and objectification of women, suffer from deep-seated doubts about their own sexuality.

    You’re fooling yourself, idiot pansy-boy.

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  33. I love the madness that breeds on the comment section of your blog, Roissy…

    Personally? Satisfying a guy is too hard. I don’t want to be alone, but shit man. A decent guy would be nice, but it’s too hard.

    Me and my cats, it is…

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  34. Fake breasteses are whys I have sex with cats. The kind that go meow.

    Rarw.

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  35. David Alexander, you are a geniune, first class PRICK!! First of all, how big is your cock!! And I’ve had plenty, PLENTY of REAL men, that LOVED my nearly-B’cups, so go blow yourself, fuck-tard!!!

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  36. David Alexander is an asshole-probably hasn’t had a girlfriend in eons, that’s why he has to jerk-off to porn. Hey David, thanks for doing these so-called “man chested” women a favor by not doing them simply because they aren’t ginormous mammoth sacks of fat-fake or real-because they will be spared of knowing what lame, self-centered, uneducated low-life piece of shit you are!!! GEt a freakin’ LIFE, asshole!! YOu are exactly the type of man I avoid at all costs and would consider it a genuine COMPLIMENT if you didn’t give me the time of day, you moron!!!!!

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  37. And btw, most men I know would take great asses over tits any freakin ‘day-how the fuck would YOU know if a guy was gay because he likes ass more than tits, or if he likes C or under-unless YOU are?? Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but you are a mindless, brainless idiot that needs to prove his manhood by putting down small tits???? Funny, most men that only like a woman with big tits seem to be either uneducated, lacking in the pants, loud and obnoxious and possibly sociopaths!! At least that’s what Ive noticed!!!

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  38. I’d like to see what YOU have in your pants-asshole-and don’t try to tell me that you are packing a 9-incher-seeing is believing, you mindless piece of crap!!!

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  39. Oh, and one more thing…if small tits are so horrible, then why do i have men texting me all day long wanting to fuck me so damn bad? These are men that I’ve expressed my attraction to in the past and they admit to being so turned on by me but they never approached me because they thought I was so hot and beautiful and never thought I would ever give them the time of day!!! I have had flings with these men, but never went all the way, but they just keep on coming back!!!

    SO THERE, FUCK-WAD!!!

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  40. LOL!! I agree…

    Ibod Catooga
    “Fake breasteses are whys I have sex with cats. The kind that go meow.

    Rarw.” HAHAHAHAH!!!

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  41. Unfortunately, another thing that some of them find out is that the nerve tissue isn’t quite the same. I’ve heard its like wearing snow mittens and trying to dial 911 on a rotary phone for some.

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  42. I pretty much agree with your post.

    Fake titties don’t do it for me. Everyone is beautfiul in their own way and to different people.

    I always think that the girls with the fake tits are just saying ‘look at me’ which guys will and they will probably get a lot of sex, but will find it harder to get a genuine guy who loves them for them.

    Sure you gotta find the girl your with attractive but their tits are just something that are there and if your after them for longer than one night then their personality is the main thing. I think thats what most guys are after, if your after sex then a girl with fake tits I would assume is easier to obtain.

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  43. I HATE fake tits. I LOVE small tits. Well, actually I love any natural tits with sensitive nipples, but I especially love small tits with nice silver dollar-sized nipples that make a woman’s pussy wet when they’re played with. Mmmm.

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  44. I honestly don’t know. It would depend on the how well the procedure has been done. People need to understand that a cheap boob job gives cheap results. My understanding is that in the western world the implants that are used, the assesment procedures that are used for quality control, and that these days the implant is placed UNDER the muscle rather then above it all combine to produce a decent result. Whilst the CHEAP implants, leaving the choice of size entirely upto the woman, in poorer countries that still place it above the muscle lead to poor results. So many poor countries are now making cheap cosmetic surgery a part of their tourism industry. The attitude of “get em in, do the surgery as quickly and cheaply as possible, and get them out” is not what you want from a cosmetic surgeon.

    On a side note i think most women don’t need fake tits, what they need is a sort of nip and tuck to lift them back up in their mid to late 30’s. The procedure is extremely simple, cheaper then implants, heals faster and leaves you with great tits.

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  45. “Warning: I wrote this drunk and post-coital at 5am.”

    –is there a better way to write? no.

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  46. Silicone is all right, not great. Saline is terrible.

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  47. I’ve seen some terrible implants and some really good implants. Can’t get over the round tap light boob, or the stitches on the side boob. But there are definitely some boobs that work very well with women.

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