Feigning Disapproval

A dirty little secret of chronic seduction is that girls want you to disapprove of them. Not all the time, or for everything, of course. But once in a while, women like to hear that you disapprove of something about them or something they’ve done. It comforts them to know that you have the stones to risk their indignation and possible retaliation. Why? Because a man willing to risk an unhappy woman is a man who likely has what it takes to secure a replacement woman. This knowledge is like the male version of T&A to a woman’s limbic lust lobe.

But what do you do if the girl you are seeing is pretty much all around great? Well, you rap her for minor offenses. Feign disproportionate disapproval for any petty infraction she commits. If you want a healthy relationship with a lifespan measured in months or years instead of nights, you have to set some time aside to express dissatisfaction with her. Planned drama, you could call it. If you have the talent, you should always premeditate your drama; that way, you control its intensity and resolution instead of allowing yourself to be buffeted by surprise drama.

For example, a girl I used to date once confided to me that years ago, before we met, she had had a one night stand with a dude she met while on vacation, on the advice of her girl friends who were ostensibly helping her get over a breakup. (Another reminder to never trust your girlfriend’s friends.)

In truth, I didn’t care about her off-night of sluttiness. It happened years ago, and it didn’t bother me. But that’s not how I played it.

Me, acting mildly disgusted: “You… YOU, of all people… had a dirty one night stand with some… dude?”

Her, starting to sound nervous: “Whaaaat?! It was a long time ago! I was trying to get over a bad breakup!”

Crossing my arms, looking away: “You think you know a girl.”

“I can ‘t believe you’re reacting this way. How many girls have you slept with?! It’s no contest!”

“No comparison. It’s worse when a girl screws around. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you in the same way again. Who have I been dating? You feel like a stranger to me.”

“Oh my god. Really?! This? Really???”

“Could you just sit over there on the couch. Fuck, I need some space.”

Now she’s sounding sheepish. “Is this really bothering you? If this is bothering you, can we talk about it?”

Shit, I worried that I went too far. The last thing I wanted was a “talk”. But I couldn’t stop. I was power tripping. “I thought you were different than all the other girls.”

It went back and forth like this for ten minutes, her getting progressively more agitated and regretful, me finding it harder to contain my burgeoning smirk. Finally, I relented, a little.

“Well, since it was a long time ago, I guess I’ll get over it.”

She collapsed into my arms. “You know it was nothing. I’ve never loved anyone as much as you.”

Feigning disapproval. Gentlemen and scholar seducers, this is how you stoke a woman’s love flame.

And sometimes you won’t even have to feign.


  1. on August 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm Divorce Brainteaser

    We agree that most divorce is initiated by women. I have also seen comments from divorce attorneys who say that the few divorces initiated by men are usually, in truth, initiated by the wives of those men; by her moving in with her boyfriend or some other deliberate destruction of the marriage.

    So here is my question: How can I get my wife to initiate a divorce? Openly cheating on her multiple times didn’t work. Being an asshole doesn’t work. In fact, these seemed to have made her fall in love with me for the first time ever. Of course, I could just file the paperwork and leave, and I probably will. But I would prefer that the divorce is *her* idea.

    Besides, it is an interesting dilemma. Any ideas?

    Preempting an obvious answer:
    I could pretend to go back to being in love with her, which would surely send her back to being disinterested in me. Trouble is, this wouldn’t make her want a *divorce*. She would much prefer to do whatever she wants while keeping my paychecks.


    • >Reading this blog
      >Trying to get a woman to stop being attracted to you by being an asshole and cheating

      But does it really matter who initiates the divorce? Aren’t you fucked equally both ways?


    • If you can sleep with other women and suffer no reprocussions, then what is the problem?

      If you go through a divorce you’ll suffer financial hardship. Just keep being selfish in your current marriage and hoard money to yourself. Open another bank account and move your $$$ there so she can’t get it without a divorce.

      if she doesn’t divorce you after all of that, then big fuckin deal. You get what you want and not have to pay any attorney fees.


    • Have fun with it. “Accidently” have her catch you poking another woman. Play lots of “jokes that go too far” like walk up to the tub while she bathes and urinate. Shit in her shoes. http://thegoodgreatsby.com/2011/04/27/practical-jokes-that-go-too-far-part-3/


    • Hire Leonardo Dicaprio’s Inception team to plant the idea of divorce in her mind. And while they’re at it, have them also plant the idea to refuse alimony and any other equitable division of the assets.

      Honestly I can’t really help here since I’ve never been married. My uncle once asked me: “If your home value appreciates 100%, then your wife divorces you and takes half of it, are you still ahead?”


    • Put her on a pedastal, cater to her every whim, make her happiness your mission and just be a generally all around good guy.


    • Tell her you think you’re gay. Because of that restroom experience.


  2. “She collapsed into my arms. “You know it was nothing. I’ve never loved anyone as much as you.””

    That’s very romantic!

    “And sometimes you won’t even have to feign.”

    That’s even better.


  3. Yeah i always make a big deal about their slutiness confessions. You don’t wanna miss any obvious opportunity to make her feel bad about something.
    The more i think about it, the more i’m convinced that the only way to keep a woman around is to be borderline emotionally abusive. But the problem is that they’re so sweet sometimes that you can’t easily afford to be cruel. It sucks to be a nice guy.


    • “Yeah i always make a big deal about their slutiness confessions” Yup, same here. And I am likewise very judgmental about her girlfriends’ slutiness (you know women can’t keep anything they are told a secret right?) Keeps her off balance and reinforces the idea that I have so many options with women, I can afford to be very picky with regard to what I will tolerate in the background of a woman with whom I deign to have a long-term relationship.


    • If it’s any consolation, when there’s occasion for it she probably won’t hesitate to abuse the hell out of your emotions.

      PS- The cake is a lie.


  4. Yep, it’s powerful shit. But it can’t be wimpy “you are doing something bad to me” dissaproval. That would signal the opposite, that you stay with a girl even though she treats you badly or behaves in a way you dont approve of, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

    The example in the post however is great. Every now and then an opportunity presents itself when you can play it out. There’s nothing sweeter than hearing the “are you mad at me? promise you’re not mad! if I do X/Y/Z will you stop being mad at me?”


  5. Ok, I’ve followed the advices, and of course the sixteen commandments… now I’m no longer sure about having this girl around (we’ve been dating for a year) but I’m still beta enough to break her heart… what should I do? Don’t want to be superalpha and toss her away but neither beta and act like one again (feels son unnatural nowadays), she practically stopped shit testing, and seems so in love… some advice? compliment and cuddle?


  6. I would have waited until fucking her. Then, when pounding her from the top, I would have started choking her, demanding: “You’re thinking of that guy you fucked on vacation, aren’t you!” Then smack her face a couple of times in between her denials.

    Then I’d say, “Good. Because you’re MY SLUT, isn’t that right?”
    “Whose slut are you!?”


  7. Never had to feign.


  8. A girl who admits to doing a ONS is not something to pass over lightly. I wouldn’t feign disapproval here because it’s entirely rational. Statistics likely show that girls who have experiencing putting out the first night likely have 2 or 3 times the chance of divorcing the shit out of you.

    Know what you want. Roisy doesn’t want to get married or have kids so he could care less. Same with me. But if I saw a woman as marriage material and she gave confessions of ONS’s (and she better regret them), I’d immediately knock her down a couple points.

    However I’m just looking for sex these days. Fuck society. I pay taxes so that’s more than most people. “Society” is going to nickel and dime me out of all my money until I croak. Fuck ’em.


  9. Reminds me of the Sopranos episode when Adriana admitted to blowing Penn.


  10. Two big topics in this post. The smaller is if you should make sexual history a negative thing. Personally, I don’t do this because I want to fan the flame of her inner slut- she needs to feel like the things we do reach the full potential of her sexual being. For example, a girl I dated told me she made out with 3 guys the night we met me. I laughed and told her (truthfully) I had been with two different women that week. Her eyes went huge- all in good fun. Sexual success isn’t a negative to me and shouldn’t be spun as such, and ownership of the other’s sexual person will come from dominance in other areas of her life. I’m not saying I’m right or wrong- I think personal style is a big factor here- it’s just how I play it.

    Now, the second big idea in this post is taking the disapproval initiative. Pardon my caps, but.. WOMEN DO THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME. The mid-life shrew harping on her kids, her friends, her husband.. makes my skin crawl.

    Men don’t think to do this in their relationships. Men see themselves as responsible for the happiness of the relationship- therefore, why would they introduce a negative emotion? Men know the best relationships are full of good vibes, pillow talk, rainbows and adventure and yada ya. It makes no logical sense to exert open dissatisfaction- it’s harmful to the relationship.

    And guess what? It is.

    And still, women in stable, beneficial pairings will actively sabotage the relationship over Insignificant Bullshit. They will stop trying to make things fun if you let them. They don’t even think that a life free of negativity and criticism is immeasurably superior. Life has so many possibilities- bitchiness destroys them all. And still. They do this shit. Personally, I think it’s the most damning piece of evidence that women are reckless, willfully irrational thinkers.

    It’s such rare behavior in men that it is far more meaningful when we do it. Men will shrug this shit off from women- it’s a waste of time that will run its course. Women will freak the fuck out if it happens to them- and because they’re desperate for emotional stimulation they will love you for it.

    You need to have these conversations. Have standards and don’t bite your tongue when she’s not meeting them. Even better, know her standards for herself, and help her meet them when she’s slipping. That’s intimacy.

    It’s a status signal and women get wet for status- remember, as a man, status doesn’t do anything for you so it seems foreign and weird to you. Have faith. The girl will tell herself that you’re a stronger couple and closer afterwards. Better her than you.


    • Status and wetness is right – we are social animals, and status is written into our genes. Women are wired this way – we men can rise a little over the “keeping up appearances” bit, enough that getting negative over hand is not our cup of tea.


    • “Sexual success isn’t a negative to me and shouldn’t be spun as such.”

      The term “sexual success” can only be used to describe males. Any girl who isn’t a whale can walk into any bar, get laid, and claim “sexual success.” Applying the term to women renders it completely meaningless.


      • “Any girl who isn’t a whale can walk into any bar, get laid…”

        I see your point. It’s easier for girls.

        But it’s not true that a girls SMV can’t translate into a measurement of the quality of what she can consistently catch. You might argue that for a woman the better measurement is what she can catch long term. You might argue that any girl above a 6 can get laid for a one night stand with most men. Even so, the hottest disco chicks and player girls have the skill, talent, looks, and charms to play the game at a different level than do the average girls.


  11. True. I’ve been gaming this girl in my salsa classes.

    We were partnered up recently. She was struggling. I was busting her on it.

    Teacher came by, said I had a strong lead, DHV’d her.

    We had drinks after, she followed me around, we danced more and she left.

    Major IOI’s, constantly touching me or laughing at everything I said…

    HER: You dance with so many girls…

    ME: Yah, it’s hard to remember them all…you gotta work harder.

    Strange thing: she puts up some note on her micro blog suggesting somehow and rather cryptically and in another language so I cant’ read it that to paraphrase…she either deliberately misheard it or misinterpreted it as this:

    “If I’m not attracted and he tells me he’s forgotten all the other girls except me, it doesn’t move me”.

    A friend of mine translated that…then said….obviously she wrote it because she is attracted otherwise, why bother.

    Then, out of the blue, I sent her a link to a music site.

    It’s the unpredictablity that gets her hamster going.


  12. This even works for girls you haven’t slept with yet. There was one girl who I was after (in a FAR too beta way). It was back and forth, showing interest then not (on her part).

    One night we were having dinner in a group and we got to talking about girls who sleep with married guys. I told her that was a sign of poor character and I wouldn’t be interested in any girl who did. Well, apparently her “friend” did (yeah.. her “friend”). So I told her that her friend was of low moral character. She didn’t like that.

    Not 30 min later she says stuff like “I think Mark doesn’t like me anymore”, etc, etc. I ignore the comment and go on with my night. Her attitude immediately changed and now she was the pursuer.



    • Simple and effective. You’d swear it’s magic.

      I see your sister in her Sunday dress.
      She’s out to please, she pouts her best.
      She’s out to take.
      No need to try.
      She’s ready to make.

      It’s so easy, easy
      When everybody’s trying to please me …


  13. While some women may be turned on by a loss of control my experience is that being upset/irritated/disappointed/etc. is a turn on as long as you are sternly disciplining them. If you actually become angry (or even appear so) the appearance of loss of control is not a turn on with the women I’ve been involved with LTRs.

    Assuming that my experience is typical of the general population one reason may be that most women want to be controlled/ruled to a certain extent. If you maintain control even when you are upset with them then this becomes a positive trait as it shows that you can effectively control both them and yourself.

    From a man’s point of view much of this sounds batsh*t insane. Most men want a calm drama-free relationship. Why would any sane person go out making up problems? Unfortunately the real world doesn’t care about your wishes. If you want an effective relationship you have to cater to some of her insane needs.


    • Generally some people are not able to draw a line between showing anger and being out of control, and so choose to never show anger.

      It is possible to show extreme anger, and be in complete control.


    • “Most men want a calm drama-free relationship … If you want an effective relationship you have to cater to some of her insane needs.”

      Yep, and the older I get, the less it seems worth wasting time on their silly sh*t.


  14. Heartiste, thank you; your posts are very insightful. What can you tell about religious girls? How do you turn an abstinent girl who says she loves you, into someone who will really give up her nonsense, and instead believe in mine? What kind of nonsense should I bring, if any?

    I’ve done things like, for instance, starting and closing an argument similar to what you described, and then getting an awesome time. Your advice really works, but I would like something more specific, because somehow I feel that a religious girl’s desire for a man is actually more objectively driven rather than emotionally driven; driven through by religion, in the sense of her deciding to have a man and do her best to get him is only a result of her being told that she’d have to marry, for instance. Can that be changed, at all? Is that the case?

    Your help is very much appreciated, – in the meanwhile I’ll make sure to chat up girls that aren’t religious and mention how important it is to only think about the person you love and not anyone else’s sayings being in the middle of it – instead of mentioning it in the context of sex. It would certainly be a mistake to say that religion is getting in the way of having a healthy relationship, because it may only reaffirm what she’s been told.

    [Heartiste: Having little experience with very religious girls who swear to themselves to remain abstinent until marriage (except for one notable girl, but that is a story for another time), I can’t offer you much in the way of advice. I don’t think you can logically convince her to betray her beliefs, so don’t bother pleading with her to give it up. I suspect any sort of anti-religious tone you take will only cause her to turtle more into her sexless cocoon.
    That said, you can game a very religious girl into sex. They’re not aliens. They still have the same drives as secular sluts. You will probably have to fill her with the fear of loss to get anywhere. Maybe go hot/cold/hot/cold on her, where you make a sexual move, then you back off (without her prompting) and leave her in a pool of her horniness. Be unpredictable. This will require tremendous willpower, and you may not be up for it. Personally, I’d quickly ditch a godhumper for moister pastures.]


    • Is she abstinent or a virgin? Remember to always watch what she does not what she says. If not a virgin then she either just isn’t that much into you or is just throwing up her ASD. Either up your game or pursue someone more compatible. If still a virgin then things become more complex.

      You need to decide if she is worth the wait. My experience is that ultimately even with highly religious women biology will trump belief. I wouldn’t worry about this issue if you are considering her for marriage. If you have good game you can keep the sex going in the marriage no matter how she was before. If you don’t the sex is very likely to die off anyway even if she was a complete nympho.

      You may be able to change the attitude about sex. Or at least about fooling around right up to the edge. You probably won’t change the attitude about religion. You were kind of vague about what exactly you want to change, whether is was the attitude about sex or religion in general. Strong differences in religion will make things difficult. Not impossible but it will be something you will need to work at. My experience is that it is best you don’t even try and make major changes. You won’t be able to through logic. You will need to work on an attitude where you respect her feelings about the religion. You don’t have to like or agree. But also let her know that you aren’t going to change either. She’ll ignore that and still try and change you but that is easier to handle than having actually lied to her.


      • What’s the point of all the work, Kramer? Is she exceptionally attractive in a way that completely outshines everyone else available? If not, you are essentially playing a game with worse odds for the same payout — like, going to a casino and parking yourself in front of a 10:1 slot rather than the 2:1 with the same exact jackpot. “Moister pastures” and all that.

        What does it matter that her “desire for a man is actually more objectively driven rather than emotionally driven”? Desire is desire. And, if anything, an emotional foundation is much easier to manipulate than an objective one.

        If it’s not easy, you’re doing it wrong. You’re telegraphing effort when her slot throbs at effortlessness. You’re living in her world of complications and if-thens and principles and values. Your job is to plant your flag and have her rally to you. She really is looking to conform herself to your strength, no matter what standards she thinks she has.

        (Hint: there is a deeply psychological and foundational reason why the “maiden” has always shed the surname of her father and took her husband’s as her own. We change our names when we adopt new identities, and the hyphenated fantasy compromise has foundered since the first equalist hag thought preferring her dad’s patronymic over her mate’s somehow made her more “liberated.”)

        If we weren’t so saturated in femme mythos, we’d understand that the basis of all successful relationships is the daddy-daughter model. If you do not have the power to infantilize her and dictate her identity, every success thereafter will be built on sand, whether you are measuring by same-night or long-term scales. Now, you can apply various tricks to deceive a woman into believing the proper power disparity (which is what you seem to be requesting advice for). This works only for a time, and perhaps long enough to take what you want from her and leave. But then the question remains, why work so hard when there are vast acres of pre-prepped pussy with zero scruples about giving it up to you in the short and long term?

        Or are you looking to prove yourself against a challenge … just because? If not, your mission is pointless. Women are utterly interchangeable, and the minute you cease to understand that is the minute you lose your edge.

        “I see your sister in her Sunday dress… It’s so easy…”


      • A lot of wisdom in what King A says here. However, a word for those still climbing up the path I once had to struggle to climb – tis this: a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step; if you don’t grasp what King A is saying, keep learning and practicing what you learn, and you will get it eventually. Some years ago, I would not have believed most of what KingA wrote above. Keep learning and living; it’s worth it!


      • “the basis of all successful relationships is the daddy-daughter model.”

        Nearly every girlfriend I’ve had in the last 12 years has taken it upon herself (or with minimal hinting) to call me Daddy.

        My current doesn’t, and her independent spirit is taking a lonnnggg time to erode and turn into happy subservient doting and reveling in submission. A very slow study, however the gradual changes by now are remarkable and consistent.

        But yes – the Daddy Daughter model is not exactly a kink – it’s an archetype. An archetype that pretty well 100% of women are happiest to adopt. But you have to be able to elicit it from her, and that mostly requires an internal frame.


    • As H said, it would be wise to alternate between sexual escalation and asexual conversation. I would add that your overall behavior must really lean on the beta side, like being more caring, more “serious”, and avoid any assholish display of male dominance.
      Religeous girls, like other low energy down-to-earth chicks, don’t think with their vagina. They’re less likely to fall for negs, cockiness and hardcore teasing. Your best bet is to play the beta provider game:



      • You don’t seduce the girl by falling totally into her frame. Females who are stuck in their head and are outright asexual can still be dealt with on a primal, physical, lower half of her body level.

        You might need to play wrestle the girl, for instance. Her resistance to you can be acted out that way, and she may be quite into putting up that fight. Fight her body, physically, yet playfully – using wrestling in lieu of fucking. Wrestling foreplay.

        I had to do that for weeks – or was it months. Every physical intimacy began with wrestling.


    • I’m dating a girl who once held very strict beliefs that she would never have sex before marriage.

      I handled it by not handling it. I just treated her like any other girl. After many dates I got seriously angry at her for not putting out, and broke up with her a few times over the issue. Ya, as H said – lots of push pull. But for me I wasn’t playing push-pull games – I was seriously pissed off at her for wasting my time.

      It was a literal struggle to get her virginity – she fought every inch of the way. Even after she verbally agreed, her body just wouldn’t give in.

      But in my case I was really into the girl, and not just trying to get a fuck buddy, so that was influential.


      • You are so ponderous.

        “Here let me tell you about my taking the virginity of another 16 year old Asian…”


      • “Even after she verbally agreed, her body just wouldn’t give in.”

        You tried to convince her verbally to sleep with you? This is so desperate and beta. No wonder she wouldn’t give in.

        “After many dates I got seriously angry at her for not putting out, …”

        Sadly, xsplat, you’re totally omega.


      • You are deeply, deeply confused, Maya. I’m not sure you are conditioned to gain any lasting wisdom from this website whatsoever. After months of devotion, you are drawing more and more inexplicable conclusions that are less and less tethered to reality.

        Xsplat’s behavior is not “desperate” or “beta” in the slightest. It is manly at its essence. Perhaps that’s why all explanations fail with you — the subject is alien to your experience.

        I mean, your confusion is cute, sorta, in a mousy little girl way. But the truth is like the sun: without it, no life can prosper; stare at it directly and it will maim you, blind you. You are evidence — if we needed any more — that women need filters to operate anywhere close to rational when in the vicinity of the truth.


      • 100% agree with King A here. Women have strengths of their own – but arguing with men on seduction and mating concepts is not one of them. Make babies n take care of them Maya – tis a noble and praiseworthy endeavor to do so.


      • King A, I completely understand he got angry at her for not wanting to sleep with him but showing this anger is very unattractive. If I was this girl, I’d stand up and walk away immediately.


      • QED.

        Maya, one thing, what you think what you’d do and what you’ll be actually doing are two entirely separate and independent things.

        You also don’t have any meaningful experience to judge something attractive/not attractive.

        But the way you’re going… Invest in some kittehs.


      • Petulance is not the same as fury, Maya.

        If he was whiny and impotent about it, I could see that coming across as “very unattractive.” It is womanly:

        “In my experience it is difficult for a man … not to find [a woman] cute, rather than intimidating, when she gets angry.” — Harvey Mansfield

        If he was righteously outraged, a powerful man on the edge of his control (without losing it), hinting at the inferno that awaits should she so sniffily continue her bratty obduracy… I call bullshit that you wouldn’t find it primally attractive.

        Then again, listen to Cadnerd above. Distrust your reason on these subjects! Calculation leads a woman to some weird places. You are at your best when you give yourself over to emotion — that is the most frictionless path of your synaptic order.


      • On re-read I just notice this “I mean, your confusion is cute, sorta, in a mousy little girl way. But the truth is like the sun: without it, no life can prosper; stare at it directly and it will maim you, blind you. You are evidence — if we needed any more — that women need filters to operate anywhere close to rational when in the vicinity of the truth.”

        That’s an interesting concept. Original and creative too.


    • Far be it from me to question the sincerity of anyone’s religious beliefs, but what I will do is make a practical analysis of the latent uses of those beliefs.
      Religion often functions as one of the most effective forms of ‘chick-crack’ for women. I understand people are subject to their particular beliefs, but I would argue that women are more apt to be ‘conveniently religious’ for 2 reasons.

      First, it tracks back to the chick-crack dynamic, in that women are far more predisposed to believe in aspects of the meta-physical. Mystery coined this term by astutely observing that women are vulnerable to Game approaches that utilizes conversations which refer to meta-physical concepts (tarot cards, astrology, ghosts, etc.) and religion definitely qualifies in this arena. There is an innate love women have for the mystical, or forbidden knowledge. Some part of the hard-wired female psyche has an affinity for the power that ‘secrets’ grants them – which may explain why women are prone to gossip. Religion delivers the same sense of mystical empowerment for them as the ‘feminine mystique’ mythology does. This complimentary association of “being mysterious” as a woman and religious is mutually affirming for religious women.

      Secondly, religion is unique in that (generally) it’s socially unassailable. You can’t attack a woman’s hypocrisy when it’s couched in a religious belief without also attacking the religion itself. She may be a slut, but religion makes her a reformed slut, and your doubting her is then associated with you also doubting the religion. Also consider the principle of forgiveness, while very ennobling, is unfortunately also a very useful social convention that dovetails into a woman’s pre-constructed social victimhood. Essentially she has an in-built LJBF exit strategy which her religiosity validates.

      The main problem in Gaming a girl via the ‘chick crack’ methodology is that a guy must out-crazy the crazy. In essence, play a sucker to catch a sucker. You need to come across as some unrepentant, immoral bad ass, but still give her the breadcrumb of a hope that you’re really seeking some deeper meaning or truth – the secret metaphysical truth only she knows.

      Best selling romance novels constantly recycle this plot, and religious girls are romantics by definition. If the IL is sufficient you can easily flip the morality script on her. Go with the Tarzan / Jane script – excuse your feral lust for her by being an unchurched savage who simply doesn’t know any better and in need of her tutelage in the ways of “morality”. Church girls with little dating experience, or experience only with church guys who play by the same rules, are even more vulnerable to this Game.

      Caution: There’s a lot of personal investment that goes into Gaming a woman using the chick crack tract, often for very negligible, inhibited, sexual returns, and by that time the emotional investment on her part (and possibly your own) will make exiting a stressful chore. There’s a ‘wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing’ mythology that most guys buy into that presumes the sweet innocent church girl is really a religiously repressed nympho just aching to let herself go with the right guy. While that might be a convincing fantasy, more often than not the truly religious girl will be wracked with moralistic guilt and conveniently associate her “fall from grace” with the asshole who otherwise broke her perfect record of virginity.


      • on August 31, 2011 at 3:06 pm (R)evoluzione

        Men can hyperinvest while applying the Chick Crack methodology across a broad spectrum of broads. Chick crack applies universally, meaning that one can go deep into the quasi-religious New-Agey bullshit just as easily as into the churchey devout religious girls. In my experience, at least the New Agey chicks are more into getting in touch with their sexuality and being nonjudgmental, so the sex is better.

        But either way, crack is crack, Chick or not, and it’s still out-crazying the crazy.


      • Women are predisposed to the sentimental — overtly expressed feeling without substance bordering on kitsch. This isn’t the same as the “metaphysical” or the “romantic” or even the “mystical.”

        Modern religion traffics heavily in sentimentality and a protection vibe, and women will seek refuge in churches from a culture devoid of men. The pews are (half) filled with abandoned women, ethnics, and people hanging on to an earlier age. Like the paternalist welfare state, church has devolved into a pathetic substitute for what men have ceased to provide for women: direction and purpose in life.

        Like children, women require acute spiritual leadership, but using the proper language of this predicament has been declared distasteful at best and illegal at worst. (Did he just compare all women to children! NAWALT NAAAWAAALLLTTT!) You therefore can manipulate the hunger in their souls like Joshua Bell playing a Stradivarius.

        They are so yearning and so unable to express their need that they will fall prey to even the cheesiest schtick earnestly delivered — hence the power of tarot cards, astrology, even street magic performed without a hint of a smirk, which work way more easily than they should. Check out the trim scored by the goofbag Gob-Bluthian illusionist David Blaine (google “Alizee Guinochet,” doubters).

        A well-adjusted woman who is familiar with the unvarnished truth about the uses and abuses of religion is least susceptible to the “chick crack.” Those particular needs which trip the “spiritual” trigger are already being satisfied at a deeper level no charlatan can touch. Granted, such women are exceedingly few; “well-adjusted woman” is very nearly a contradiction in terms. Most have gone mad in their spiritual thirst by drinking the seawater of feminism, every bit the false religion as, say, Scientology but far more socially acceptable.


  15. Agreed. Busting on your girl from time to time is good (I think this goes along with men creating demands). Girls need to hear that you have standards and that it’s a problem when they don’t live up to your standards.

    Busting on her can be really fun too. This morning I left for work before my wife woke up. She called me and left a message saying that she was sorry for not getting up and making me lunch. I texted her later saying “it’s ok. i’ll just chew on some shoe leather”. Now that’s fun.


  16. I have a friend that has a really cute girlfriend. He has been with her for about 3 years now. I consider him alpha. I’ve noticed they would get in fights after nights out because he thought she was looking/flirting with other guys. I don’t know what she was doing because I wasn’t paying attention.

    However, the other night we were all out eating. She looked over and made a comment about my food and I replied … then we both looked down at our plates. Then about 2-3 seconds later we looked up and made eye contact with each other without saying anything.

    My alpha friend noticed this and asked her “what was that about?” in front of everyone at the table, but not loud enough so everyone could hear him…but I heard him. She said “what?” and he said, trying to be quiet so not all could hear, “that look you gave Riq”…and then they went into this small scale debate about what happened between us.

    I was probably the only one paying attention to their convo because I try to pay attention to how he treats her since I consider him alpha. Was he coming from a “feigned disapproval” perspective in that case? Or a nervous guy that thinks his girl is going to leave him?


    • Riq,

      Your friend is not Alpha. Alphas do not get in fights with their GFs during a night out because of his assumed accusations of her talking/flirting with other guys. Another glarring indicator of his betaness is that he’s getting upset about eye exchanges at dinner with his buddy (you).

      What you are witnessing in your friend is pure beta.

      You got some homework to do man.


    • There can be times when you need to publicly rebuke the girl for flirting in front of you. But I believe the etiquette is to let the small shit slide.

      Once I was out with a hottie nutjob, and on returning from the toilet found some lothario flirting on her heavily in her own language. Eventually I had to break up the conversation and flat out tell her not to talk to the guy.

      Yes, mate guarding can get ugly. But there are times when you’ve got to be that blatant about it.


      • Of course some guys avoid that level of mate guarding by being very selective with their mates to begin with – opting for low or ultra low risk girls.

        You can play with fire, if you know how to handle it and can stand the heat.


      • This year I’ve discovered that mate guarding is actually a huge turn on to females. They will bond closer to you when they discover you taking them that seriously.

        Actually, I discovered that many years ago, but have been reminded a few times more recently and put it into words in my head more clearly.

        It’s as if girls get confused about who is feeling what. If you passionately mate guard them, they’ll feel as if they are passionately yours.

        I can’t articulate how or when or why this isn’t creepy stalking. But once she is truly into you, her vacillation can turn into a strong bond with you, if you tell her to choose and take no shit from her about her keeping other “options”.

        This is an important principle of bonding with a girl. Some girls will even go so far as to flat out tell you and other girls that they can’t tell if a man loves her or not until he hits her for flirting.


    • Agreed that one has to mate guard, however, like always in game everything is situational.

      In reading Riq’s post I took it as the supposed alpha friend that was in a 3yr LTR and still behaving as such as clearly beta.

      But yes I do agree, there are certain times in a relationship (usually after commitment is established) it may be necessary to punish the flirt publicly or in private, or both.

      In my experiences I’ve found that demonstrating flirting with other women in front of the girl is an excellent and alpha tactic to level the playing field. Couple that with some AMOG tactics on the flirting guy, carpet bomb with some negs then nuke the entire site from orbit with a clear punishment or “mate guard” slap down.


      • And then the trick is how to handle mate guarding from the woman.

        I feel cornered, trapped, and neutered if I’m successfully mate guarded. Even if I’m being boringly monogamous and never go out, I like to feel as if I’m a dangerous player on the prowl.

        So I never give any offerings of fidelity, and from time to time even tell the girl “I’m a bit of a bad boy”. I want her to expect me to cheat, no matter what our future.

        Being the man guarding makes me feel masculine. Being guarded makes me feel weak.

        So I keep it overtly double standard.


      • And for the high socio-sexual girls, there is always the option to let her fuck around, within rules. My rule is that it has to be with another girl, and should be in our bed. Even if that fantasy never gets actuated, the “plans” keep her inner slut active. Which is what I want.


      • AlphaAnon wrote: there are certain times in a relationship (usually after commitment is established) it may be necessary to punish the flirt publicly or in private, or both.

        If you’ve got everything lined up as you should, her punishment is your lack of response.

        If she’s flirting with somebody else for a reason other than to provoke you, then, like you say above, a man’s got to go back to basics.


      • My experience with the hottie nutjob was extreme, as she had serious BPD, to the point of occasionally having mild halucinations. BPD girls don’t just shit test, they try to damage your brain.

        But BPD is just an extreme case of female. I found that her permanent immaturity responded best to authoritative dominance. There were times when subtlety was out of the question, and what she needed was firm limits.

        Subtlety is fine for when subtlety works. Otherwise you ramp up your response to exactly the level that is effective. And that might look shockingly harsh to an outsider.


      • 100%.

        In many cases, no response is the best response. Or more specifically, no noticeable emotional reaction or acknowledgement of her actions, is the best response.

        Another thing to note: chances are favorable the dude flirting with your chic is beta, or will be demonstrating beta behavior and the exchange will be short. My favorite outcome is when the beta dude stales out the set with your chic, then she goes looking for you only to find you in set with a new target.


    • as the others have said, your friend isn’t alpha. simple eye contact between you and his gf didn’t warrant his reaction. what he did wasn’t mate guarding, it was overreacting out of insecurity. not alpha at all.


  17. on August 30, 2011 at 10:07 pm 1st time caller

    Is this different than showing disappointment when a girl flakes on you? I thought it was common game practice not to bust a girls chops if she flakes, instead just brush it off like you also forgot about the date.

    I have to say this post does make sense and now that I think back on past relationships where I’ve done this unknowingly I was handsomely rewarded with enthusiastic blow jobs and titties bouncing off my face. Also I think at times i did it too often which was met with counter-disapproval and accusations of me being overbearing and unreasonable. That gray area isn’t so easy to find for me.


    • There’s no point expressing disapproval if the girl doesn’t care at all about your opinion. Caring what she does when she doesn’t care a whit about you puts you in a bad spot.

      If you get accusations of being unreasonable you have to stay on track. Don’t bother explaining why you’re being reasonable, just don’t take her seriously and reassert whatever you said.


  18. Heartiste, I’m in a LTR for 8 months now. I’ve known the girl for 2-3 years prior to us dating.Recently, we were talking and she said: “How come you’ve turned so mysterious. You used to tell me more…” *used to refers to the time before us going out. This wasn’t really said as an accusation, I diffused the situation, and the way she treats me didn’t change…

    What does it mean? Am I over gaming and have to be more beta?
    The girl is 2 points below me on the SMV scale.


    • Rox,

      I’m curious…I chose a girl, on purpose, a few points below my SMV. We’ve also been in an 8 month relationship. Now, she is gaining weight on me so my purpose driven choice is backfiring on me and I’m approaching evacuation of the relationship if she doesn’t they and lose the weight. I knew this was a risk with her and went forward anyway because I like the less stressful parameter of being with someone who isn’t on par with my SMV for LTR’s.

      Is that why you did?


      • Kinda. I find that really hot girls are waaaay too bitchy for my liking
        Great sextoys, but overall not worth the effort, energy, time, money

        I would much rather take a cute girl who will treat me right and won’t constantly shit-test me then a Sammi-the-Sweetheart-10


      • “and I’m approaching evacuation of the relationship”

        Evacuate her like you are taking a dump. It nothing personal or disrespectful, you just don’t want to carry around a pile of shit in your pants.

        Ok, never mind the snark/cute wordplay. I’ve had to pull serious brinksmanship over the fat issue. If I hadn’t, the girl would have continued to slide. It’s very simple, just tell her you won’t see her again until she’s slim. In my case I let the girl talk me into still seeing her while she dieted, but this time she went on a major crash diet.

        It is your fault if she is fat and with you.


    • Rox, keep her wondering- it will help maintain control of the relationship. My guess, she is just reflecting on the friendship prior to the LTR/romance/fuck etc. now going on. Use it to your advantage. Show her she is getting to know a different you, maintain dominance.


  19. Apply Game onto Religious girls hard… without a trace of mercy or restraint.
    This is what you will hear in response, “OK, just fuck me once!” Because that would be, like, moral , or something….
    Then pound her like a cum-craving lunatic who might get dangerous without her twice daily sperm dose. And so….
    She will always demand another go…
    I will never forget that all those confused, painfully ripe English country girls are exactly like your real life mothers…. if you are lucky.


  20. Justify my hardon, beyatch– come make it worth my while! You can’t get me to look at your hot ass!


  21. In most cases you don’t even need to feign disapproval. Nobody is perfect, and therefore she is bound to have some dirty secret, irritating habit, or so on with which to be disapproving.

    Feigning disapproval is best served to wind up her hamster wheel over something trivial that you don’t really care about (as mentioned in the main body of the post)

    And just remember, if you suddenly find yourself thinking that a girl has nothing worthy of disapproval- reach down your pants and check to see if your balls are still there, then remind yourself that even girls do nasty turds. See how quickly your image of her as a ‘little perfect princess’ will last.


  22. I like to keep a girl feeling just slightly guilty, overall. I’ll give lots of warm praise each time she does something I like, such as clean or bring me food, but I also tend to move the girl beyond her current limits of doting devotion, and so keep the bar just slightly above whatever it is she is currently doing.

    I’m not concerned over past sexual history, but I am always holding a whip in my hand, and commonly use it. Maybe I’ll be guilt tripping the girl about 10% of the time.


  23. This is a great article, and it immediately made me think of the “37 dicks???” scene in “Clerks.” Had Dante not given up, and made Veronica think that he was REALLY going to leave her over it, then he probably could’ve pulled a 3-way with Caitlin, banged her behind the counter, or whacked off while she masturbated to Randal’s chicks-with-dicks tranny porno.


  24. I’ve followed the advice in the OP for a number of years, but coming from a different angle. See, if there’s no drama in the relationship, then the woman will have to create some on her own because if not the relationship “gets boring”. So it’s best to be the one in control of the drama so you can squash it on your own terms.

    Also, to put the OP in a simple formula: If sucking up to and supplicating a woman equals gina buzzkill, then disapproval must equal gina tingle.


    • Agreed.

      Don’t avoid conflict (like the majority of men do). Create some drama of your own. Your relationship will be easier as a result.


  25. Lol, seriously, what difference does it make? 90 percent of American women are undateable. 70 are fat (or ‘overweight’ to use media approved terminology), and the ones who aren’t fat are not infrequently kicked in the face. The ones who do happen to have the prerequisites for a real relationship (nice face good body) rarely have decent attitudes. Ergo, the dating scene in the USA is utterly hopeless.

    I was in Amsterdam a few months ago; the contrasts were absolutely striking. Nearly every girl was not only easily bangablebut also LTR-worthy. They’re classy, well-dressed, well-mannered, etc.

    If you’re going to apply these game techniques, you’d be best advised to apply them somewhere other than the USA.


    • OMG, you must have really low standards for dateableness and LTR-worthiness


    • Oh, but if you don’t want to date huge white bitchy princesses, you must not be able to succeed in your own country! You must be a loser!


      It’s been ages since I’ve been in the US and Canada. Twelve years or so. The fat epidemic hadn’t grown so large. But man hating was a national sport. Girls seemed to think it quite hip to hate men and all things masculine.

      And the culture shock will hit you in the face the first time you go overseas and look at billboards advertising soap. No dove girls here! Here the models are all YOUNG and thin and ultra feminine.

      In the west some ad executive would get shot for showing such female competition.

      Here the women try to be women, and don’t apologize for it.


      • And by young I mean many models on billboards are teenagers.

        Displaying teenagers as models to be emulated for their peak of sexuality is verboten in the west. The very idea causes kitty claws to grow from matrons fingertips and sparks to fly from their blue hair.


    • Oh, but if you don’t want to date huge white bitchy princesses, you must not be able to succeed in your own country! You must be a loser!


      It’s been ages since I’ve been in the US and Canada. Twelve years or so. The fat epidemic hadn’t grown so large. But man hating was a national sport. Girls seemed to think it quite hip to hate men and all things masculine.

      And the culture shock will hit you in the face the first time you go overseas and look at billboards advertising soap. No dove girls here! Here the models are all YOUNG and thin and ultra feminine.

      And by young I mean many models on billboards are teenagers.

      Displaying teenagers as models to be emulated for their peak of sexuality is verboten in the west. The very idea causes kitty claws to grow from matrons fingertips and sparks to fly from their blue hair. In the west some ad executive would get shot for showing such female competition.

      Here the women try to be women, and don’t apologize for it.


  26. You gotta love this:


    Look at the picture of her, and then look at the list of requirements for her suitable partner. Unbelievable.


    • the real tragedy is, she used to be kinda hot. now she looks like an unfuckable fat bull dyke.

      at least she’s into anal.


    • Holy Christ, what the hell happened to Sinead O’Connor?? That’s either an extremely unflattering photo or one of the most dramatic slides in appearance I’ve ever seen.


    • “She specifically wants a middle-aged, sweet, sex-starved man – who doesn’t use hair product, …loves his mother”

      Paging David Alexander


    • Bwahahahaha

      “Any man I contemplate has to be into anal sex … let me now take time to make VERY clear that yes I ‘do anal’ and in fact I would be deeply unhappy if ‘doing anal’ wasn’t on the menu, amongst everything else$ So if u don’t like ‘the difficult brown’.. Don’t apply.”

      Jesus, girl, at least give yourself an enema first. Manners.


  27. Could it be Sexual tension that causes some women to respond to this behavior?

    “Sexual Tension is a component of physical chemistry. It’s a feeling you get when you’re in the presence of someone you’re attracted to, and part of the scenario includes obstacles, anticipation, perhaps humor, and/or other ingredients that increase the attraction, thereby increasing the tension in the situation. Sexual tension consists of the combination of being pulled toward someone, but also feeling resistance at the same time.”


  28. This was absolutely hilarious! Encore!!!!!


  29. Borderline psychotic male jealousy is a useful tool that can keep your relationships or marriages happy.

    Anyone who thinks jealousy is solely indicative of insecurity probably isn’t familiar with Chromosomal Adam or DNA lineages. The desire to murder anyone your wife or girlfriend has so much as gone out on a dinner date with in the past is a natural result of evolution. If you don’t want to kill that guy, you are not a man.

    In order to use jealousy to your advantage in a relationship, you must have very strong inner game. You need to genuinely believe, whether it’s true or not, that every man she’s dated before you is lesser than you in every way. If you don’t believe this, your jealousy will come across as insecurity. If your inner game is strong enough, your jealousy will reaffirm your alpha male status and make her feel desired.

    It’s important not to take it too far, though. You don’t want to go overboard when it comes to shaming her for not remaining a virgin till she met you. Your jealousy should be more subtle. If you work the jealousy angle correctly, she should know that it’s never appropriate for her to even mention the name of an ex-boyfriend in your presence. If you’re unfortunate enough to be forced into a situation where you have to tolerate being around someone she’s dated (dated, not fucked), she should spend the whole time wondering if you’re going to snap and start eyeball gouging. Getting into a physical altercation in a situation like this won’t work to your advantage. In fact, it could lower your value to her in any number of ways, but the threat of violence will keep her turned on.

    Rule of thumb: Know how to fuck and have an accurate idea of how big your dick is. It’s hard to come across as sexually insecure if her face cringes in pain when you fuck her for the first time after she’s had her period.


  30. I cant undestand ?

    For me this is a Beta advice!

    I think you bloggers change the point of view very easy.

    This is a contradiction.

    Serious, it increasingly hard to believe in blogs about relationship.

    The more you read more you get doubts.

    Bloggers say: Be a indiferent men. Don’t be afected! Don’t be overreacted!

    The Paradox : How to feining Disapproval without seem like a Beta overreated ?

    What do you think about this ?

    [Heartiste: Qualifying a woman by expressing disapproval is not the same as “overreacting”. It’s all in the delivery. Now that I have schooled you, you are free to step out of your black and white aspie world into the world of humans.]


    • This question isn’t about a “black and white word”.

      but there are inconsistencies on certain issues that need to be clarified.

      For me, you seems like a afected men in the exemple. A perfect Beta Male overreated .

      [Heartiste: I think you’re missing the tone. Try to imagine being in control of your emotions when expressing disapproval. Not shouting or yelling or sputtering. Just speaking in a steady cadence with a hint of disgust.]

      – Crossing my arms, looking away: “You think you know a girl.”

      [Lost in translation.]

      If I’m wrong correct me.


      Other Question: This isn’t a Relationship question Topic too ?

      [File under general female manipulation. They love it!]


  31. Best way to feign disapproval?

    Back of her head with a chair. Steal her belt. Walk out the room with arm raised, to boos of crowd.

    When she comes to, she’ll be as wet as a cat in a rainstorm.


  32. Another thing, this reaction does not kill the desire of the girl in the long term?

    This attitude may push the girl to a guy in alpha?


    • @ alphatroll:
      A bit of friendly advice:
      (1) you are getting help from the master himself above (heartiste) – pay attention!
      (2) you must improve your English if you wish to converse on this blog. I know you are trying hard – but you’ll need to do better.


  33. correction:

    This attitude may push the girl to a guy more alpha and indiferent ?


  34. Feigning disapproval is really just a more involved form of Negging, and it works for the same reasons. Bear in mind that feigned disapproval is only really effective (or necessary) in an LTR. Negging your GF of 6+ months gets reduced to playful banter simply because by now she’s intimately familiar with you. Feigning disapproval elicits the same response but in a more genuine way than negging would in an LTR. Just be sure to use C&F judiciously while you feign disapproval to buffer her taking anything too seriously. Ideally you want her to laugh it off while still inspiring her hamster to think, ‘was he really serious?’


  35. Caring for past night stands…isn’t that beta to the max…the principle is true, but the example sucks.


  36. Doubt…

    My girlfriend use a Type the “Feiging Disapproval” with me for twice and i felt very bad about this.

    She said: – You only think about your work, and where is the love?(Shit Test)


    – This situation shows how much value you give me.
    I bet a lot of people and I need to think more about me and my career. (Feiging Disapproval)


  37. on August 31, 2011 at 4:21 pm Good Luck Chuck

    I agree with the premise of this post but calling a chick out on slutty behavior is going to cause more problems than it solves.

    If she is a long term prospect you should NEVER react negatively to any kind of information that might help you see the kind of person she really is. If the information is important enough you keep a mental tally and when she gets enough strikes you cut her loose.

    If you don’t see it going anywhere that’s a different story, but as others have mentioned, why would you want to set yourself up to look like you are a judgmental person when you are dealing with a casual piece of ass? The main barrier to getting any woman to partake of your wildest sexual fantasies is her believing that she is being judged by others. The idea is to get her to open up, not clam up.

    If you are dealing with an American chick it shouldn’t be hard to find something else to disapprove of.


    • I share that attitude. If the girl gets a kick from slutty behaviors, don’t chastise, channel.

      Redirect her attention to slutty behaviors and fantasies that you like. Raise her temperature, don’t lower it. Get her constantly aroused, and associating that arousal with you.

      You don’t reform a slut by getting her to calm down and repressing her unworkable desires. You reform her by awakening all her desires, and having them all aimed at you.


    • I share that attitude. If the girl gets a kick from slutty behaviors, don’t chastise, channel.

      Redirect her attention to slutty behaviors and fantasies that you like. Raise her temperature, don’t lower it. Get her constantly aroused, and associating that arousal with you.

      You don’t reform a slut by getting her to calm down and repressing her unworkable desires. You reform her by awakening all her desires, and having them all aimed at you.


  38. The truth is that, deep down, most women realize that women tend to harbor a fair bit of deception, manipulation and dishonesty. Women respect a man who is smart enough to see through women’s illusions and manipulations, to call women on their crap, and to not take women too seriously. Nothing screams ‘pathetic chivalrous supplicating beta’ more than a man who takes everything women say and do seriously.

    That is the essence of what shit-testing is all about. It is a means for women to separate the men from the boys, by working out who are too stupid or insecure to see through the games, and who are the confident alphas who know how the world works and their place in it.


    • In other words, women speak a different language to men, and only the men with a good deal of experience with dealing with women realize this, and can speak female.

      Females test for men who can hear female when they speak. Most men hear male.


  39. Good Luck Chuck, I think you are confusing the type of advice that is useful for a casual hookup and a LTR. It seems clear from this case that the girl was either a LTR or someone he was seriously considering for a LTR.

    If you are merely looking for casual sex, and have no interest in a relationship, then your best bet is to probably be as nonjudgmental as possible in order to encourage her to liberate her inner slut. But there is little need to do that in a LTR as she already has permission to be as sexual as she wants in a LTR without risking slut-shaming.


    • on September 1, 2011 at 3:01 pm Good Luck Chuck

      What would you do if you were involved in a business deal and your opponent started blabbing on and on about things that hurt his side of the negotiation and helped your side? Would you get pissed and walk out or would you put on your poker face and let him dig his own grave?


  40. If your girl lets you down, you need to let her know in some way. If you’re scared to let her know then your game is spineless and weak.


  41. A dirty little secret of chronic seduction is that girls want you to disapprove of them.
    ^ really that’s a scret I would think most guys would know that not too many people want a partner that doesn’t have an opinions of their own and just does what you say….actually lol that would be most guys dreams

    Guess that’s why most guys consider this a secret since women want individuals while most men just want trained dogs

    lol at planned drama when guys whine about how dramatic women are and how they bring drama into relationships