She Showed Herself Out

The weekend morning after a questionable hook-up I often scramble to find a plausible excuse that will gently cajole the girl out the door without hurting her feelings.

“I’d love to hang with you today but I’ve got to take my car into the shop.  Big job… it’ll probably take a few hours.”  [my Japanese car has now been in the shop over 20 times this year thanks to this ploy]

“Getting brunch with you sounds great, but I promised my Mom I’d visit her today.  I’m guessing it’s too early for you to see my Mom.”

“I’ve got a painting class in… oh shit, I’m late!… 15 minutes!  Sorry to do this to you but my art is important to me.”

I suspect most girls see through this bullshit, especially the girls who are prone to sleep with a guy on the first night.  Their direct first-hand experience with guys trying to get rid of them after sex must be unparalleled.  The problem is that I really don’t want to spend a precious weekend day with a marginal girl strolling Wisteria Lane while bluebirds drape garlands of flowers over us.  But I’m not a heartless bastard (much) either, so I work hard on tossing her out with grace and civility, hopefully keeping the door open for future loving.

I remember what it’s like to kick a girl out badly.  One time, before I had the skills to handle morning after mistakes properly, the girl had looked at me forlornly with big, watery eyes as I walked her toward the door, and meekly asked if I wanted to get breakfast with her.  It was her last ditch effort for some symbolic gesture from me that she meant more than the previous night.

I answered “Um, I ate last night.  The best way for you to get home is to take the metro.”

She gathered her stuff, purse over one arm, jacket over the other, and sullenly walked past me as I stood next to the door.  Later, when I had shaken off the hangover and it had dawned on me that this girl was Swedish and a solid 8, I slapped my hand against my forehead and wondered aloud what the hell I was thinking.  The following day in an act of phone game contrition, I called her number.  It was futile.  Her roommate picked up her phone and said my girl didn’t want to talk to me.  No surprise… recapturing a girl’s interest after you have humiliated her by treating her like a disposable slut is akin to putting the toothpaste back in the tube.

So imagine my relief at sidestepping all the awkwardness when a girl does the dirty work for me, letting me entirely off the hook, by preemptively showing herself the door.

Her:  I’d love to cuddle some more but I’ve got work later and some chores to do today.
[barely suppressing grin]  Well, if this is what you have to do, then I guess I won’t stop you.  I mean, I’d love for you to hang out today but since you’ve got things to do…
Her:  Well, maybe for a couple hours, if you want.
Me:  Uhh, you know, you go ahead and do your stuff… we’ll catch up when we have more free time and can really enjoy each other’s company.

A girl who shows herself out is a keeper.


  1. “Getting brunch with you sounds great, but I promised my Mom I’d visit her today. I’m guessing it’s too early for you to see my Mom.”

    Bad choice if you want to hold open the possibility of seeing her again. She’ll think you’re a Mama’s Boy, and no woman likes that. You’d be better off saying that you were planning on hanging out with some buddies and watching the game. * Women understand and respect that. What’s more, it shows that you like sports and are at least reasonably social, in other words you’re not an introverted unathletic nerd.

    * = make sure you know of a game that’ll be on TV later in the day, in the unlikely but not impossible event that she’s a sports fan and asks you what you’ll be watching.


  2. let’s talk about this. i’m sure there are lots of us who have opened our eyes in the morning to be reminded that there’s someone in our bed that we don’t necessarily want there, or we’re in a bed that is not our own (this would be a reminder that while it’s easier to make an exit from “their” place, it isn’t an excuse to conduct oneself w/o integrity and treat the other person with a modicum of respect…a peck on the cheek and a “goodbye, i had fun” should suffice). there is an unwritten rule that if you meet someone in a bar, go home and sleep with they under the influence of alcohol, the encounter is treated as a one night stand. any deviation from this is considered a violation of a ONS and it goes for both sexes. is this right or wrong?

    ps – the best seducers acknowledge the act and treat their hookup with respect without committing to anything else. the fact is, sex is an intimate act whether or not people perceive it to be.


  3. on November 12, 2007 at 4:36 pm Cynically yours

    Heh. Are you sure you will keep her?


  4. this is a tough game to play, usually after a ONS i want morning sex (i am always still horny). and that sometimes takes a bit of gaming all over again. I have also done a similar thing to the encounter with the swede. that pisses me off.


  5. “recapturing a girl’s interest after you have humiliated her by treating her like a disposable slut is akin to putting the toothpaste back in the tube.”

    We all learn this the hard way. Well said.


  6. on November 12, 2007 at 5:41 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    I have no compunction about using any of your lines as a blow-off. The problems is when the tables are turned. I always take it personally when I have to hear them. Consodering most girls like to cuddle, I take it very personally — hence me not playing these games anymore.

    Anyone else got the neurotic Woody Allen gene?


  7. As Roissy’s neighbor, I can happily report that it’s a great relief to have his one night stands making their way out quickly and quietly now, rather than the old days when they’d leave boohooing and watery-eyed like a trail of dejected cartoon bunny rabbits. 😉


  8. “The problems is when the tables are turned.”

    You, sir, are a man!

    “Anyone else got the neurotic Woody Allen gene?”

    You are not alone. Any girl who tries the ol preemptive dis is going to lose, b/c a guy either recoils from the rejection or he can see right through the bullshit. I’m guessing the real reason Rwanda was grinning was b/c he knew it was bullshit.

    So, wouldn’t the best thing for a girl to do would be, never ever dis a guy the asinine ways men do to women, but if it happens to her, either walk away or make your response the kind that inspires sex asap. The latter takes both balls and a generous heart. It’s a great combination of traits to cultivate.


  9. nothing to do with anything, but this seems like a good forum. im trying to chat up a girl in a convience store, eastern european. i have an opener prepared, from roosh’s ‘bang’ [let me guess, you’re from….], but can’t for the life of me think of a way to continue beyond that. assistance required, anyone?


  10. You cant memorize conversation. Flow after the opener, but have a few things in mind you can possibly talk about. Also use your environment. What is she buying? “Oh so you are an oreo girl.. i see.” etc etc


  11. 9: canned conversations/routines are just the path to being a natural. Use it as a training wheel.


  12. on November 12, 2007 at 10:02 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    My old school pick-up technique was to sidle up to a woman and be all smiley, making her assume I was gonna chat her up. Then I would ask for a quarter for a pay phone. When everyone started getting cell phones, I would say my cell battery had run out. Usually I got a smile, a quarter, and an opening.

    Once I offered to “pay back” the quarter and the girl outright suggested I could take her to dinner instead.

    Back when I was a nervy 18-year-old , I once got a phone number at a Fourth of July celebration from an absolutely gorgeous hottie because I begged her for potato chips. She found this funny; again, I think she expected to get hit on.

    Moral? I think some women have Florence Nightingale complexes and like to help those in need. Also, saying something completely contrary to what a woman expects to hear often gets their attention.


  13. she’s working there, i should have made that clearer


  14. After reading this, I want your opinion: Does taking a shower together in the morning, post-coitus, and being able to drag the guy to brunch (despite him being hungover and getting 4 hours of sleep) constitute much of a commitment on the guy’s part?


  15. best bet…dont stay over…. finish…few min of obligatory cuddle time…
    and jet…


  16. lonely


  17. anon – it’s a start.


  18. Erm, more advice needed: had a one night thing with a guy last weekend, and he not only wanted to cuddle afterward, but suggested we get breakfast the next morning (which we did)! I haven’t heard from him since. So, should I try and make this into a fuck buddy situation and take the initiative, wait for him to get in touch w me, or just assume breakfast meant he was hungry and never speak to him again?


  19. rhyme – did he suggest the brunch the night before when you guys were post-coital, or did he suggest it when you both woke up the next morning? if the former, that’s usually a sign he sees you as more than a ONS. if the latter, it could just be a suggestion done because he felt obligated to you.

    anyhow, it’s tuesday, so it’s only been a few days since the wkend. wait a little longer. after a one night stand, if a guy wants to see you again, whether as a FB or as a potential GF, he will always call first. if you try to call most likely he will not answer or he will say he isn’t looking for anything serious.


  20. roissy.
    please comment on this.


  21. “Eternity” is defined as “That period of time after you cum and before she leaves.”