On a number of blogs and websites covering the story of Steve Jobs’ death, there was much consternation among the commentariat about a small anecdote from his personal life retold in his new biography. Supposedly, Jobs was on a date with Joan Baez and he refrained from buying her an expensive dress that she swooned over when she saw it in the store window. Instead, he opened his billionaire’s wallet with his alligator arms and bought himself a few shirts.
Naturally, the dweebs that typically infest comments sections took this as evidence that Jobs is an asshole (true) and a beta who doesn’t know how to win a lady’s heart (false). The manginiac whining crescendoed in a giant betaboy wail that real men buy women stuff if they want to impress them. You could call these panty piddlers part of the lost beta generation. They have no clue.
It is much more likely that Jobs’ refusal to buy Baez that dress made him seem *more* alpha, and hence more desirable, to her. Buying women stuff — particularly buying them stuff before you have sexed them numerous times — is a surefire way to fast track yourself into the beta provider zone where women lose all arousal and make you wait three months for sex.
For the slow learners: Women do not get viscerally turned on by men who buy them things. They get avaricious when they think they have a gullible mark in their grasp. Buying women stuff to win their approval is a great way to ensure you date only heartless golddiggers.
Buying shit for women is best done AFTER you have established your alpha male bona fides. At that point, long after a relationship has evolved and she is fully enslaved by her love for you, the largesse you shower upon her won’t cannibalize your alpha allure. When the time comes that she needs small reminders of your beta resource investment to feel secure and safe with you, your gifts will carry more import.
Reader “Jack” passes along a story from his life that illustrates the points made above:
Yesterday was the birthday of one of the women I’m dating. I didn’t send her anything. I didn’t even throw out a “Happy Birthday” email during the day while I was at work. I even waited a few minutes after showing up for her birthday party (late I might add), before finally saying something.
Better still was to find out that she got flowers at work from her bosses. Every person she worked with would walk in and ask “are those from [Jack]?”. Despite all of that, or rather because of all that, I subsequently ended up with the hottest sex yet that I’ve had with her.
A year ago, I’d have either sent her flowers and various other gifts during the day, or would have been apologizing like mad for forgetting. Granted, I’d have also only had one girlfriend, who wasn’t nearly as hot as the multiple ones I have going now. I’m definitely glad that Glenn Reynolds or Dr. Helen linked to your site earlier this year, or I’d have never learned all the things I was doing wrong all of these years. Thank you.
Ugly, ugly truth. But, being true, it’s best not to ignore its lessons.