A Man Stops Saying Insecure Things And Finds Success With Women

In a recent post, I wrote about the fundamentals of pickup — namely, the attitude and behavior a man must exhibit to guarantee success with women. The critical state of mind that every master womanizer I’ve known shares is an aloof and indifferent, sometimes even scornful, attitude toward women’s opinions of them and the direction of their relationships. Women can’t help but love these kinds of men who can take or leave them; men who don’t bother to — or who at least don’t give the impression of bothering to — win women’s approval. Men who couldn’t give a rat’s ass if they unintentionally offend women. If you’re having trouble visualizing this attitude in action, just think of clinginess and neediness, and do the opposite.

This fundamental attitude of aloofness must undergird everything else; without it, all the game techniques in the world will eventually fail you. The good news is that tactical seduction and concomitant ego-massaging operate in a feedback loop; mouthing the techniques and experiencing positive responses to them is often enough to instill the proper attitude, i.e. inner game.

Revisiting this theme of pickup fundamentals, it occurs to me there are two more crucial attitudes that contribute to a well-honed and masculine inner psyche that girls crave. Listing the three fundamental traits of the irresistibly attractive and vital man in descending order of importance, they are:

  1. Be aloof. (Amused mastery)
  2. Don’t be insecure. (Irrational self-confidence)
  3. Dehumanize and objectify women. (This subject — the most controversial — will be discussed in a future post)

Every successful lady’s man in the world possesses these three core traits in varying degrees. If there is a man out there who is clingy, insecure, or prone to romantic pedestalization, yet still good with women, you can bet he has massively compensating attractiveness traits that allow women to overlook his effete attitudinal shortcomings. Think George Clooney or John Mayer compensating.

Regarding pickup fundamental #2, check out this funny post by a man who adjusted his attitude after his girlfriend dumped him. His goal? To stop saying insecure things, which he blamed for his failed relationship.

The best way of putting it is that for the past few months I’ve been working on myself.  My last serious relationship ended in August, principally because of my insecurity.  (This is not a break-up essay and is actually going to be about something really interesting, but the break-up stuff is necessary background information, so just hang on.)  When I say this, I don’t mean that my insecurity made me do anything.  She simply left me because I am insecure.  And I’m not complaining about this.  It sucks for me, but she was completely within her rights, and it would have been selfish of me to expect otherwise.  After all, male confidence is for women what female physical attractiveness is for men, so for her this must have been like dating a fat girl. This made no sense to me—just as, I guess, men caring about appearance to the exclusion of attitude makes no sense to women—but that’s what women are like, and I’m attracted to women, so I figured  I could either sit around and complain about it or stand up and try to change, so I did. […]

I felt like I had to either stop being insecure or lie down and die.  And then it hit me.  An elegant equation too simple and too beautiful to have been seen first, and all the more clearly true for having appeared at the close of a draining epic quest that took almost a whole hour.

The five most beautiful words in the language:  Fuck this, I’ll just lie.

After all, regardless of what Oprah says, women are not in fact psychic.  The only way they’ll know I’m insecure is if I tell them.  In the relationship that ended three months ago, I had made the mistake of taking women at their word when they say they want you to be honest about your feelings.  Well, I guess women aren’t exactly lying when they say this; it’s more that they just don’t mean it the way you assume.  Women do in fact want you to be honest about your feelings, but it’s not so they can love you better—it’s so they know whether to dump your pathetic ass. Women want you to be honest about your feelings the way the IRS wants you to be honest about your finances.  What I realized too late was that it was totally within my power to keep that relationship going.  All I would have had to do was lie about what I’m really thinking every moment for the rest of my life.

The results of his experiment in attitude adjustment — AKA game — will be no surprise to any regular guest of the Chateau.

Now you’re probably thinking that it didn’t work.  You’re expecting me to say that I refrained from saying insecure stuff, but girls didn’t like me any better—either because they could still magically tell I was insecure somehow, or because it turns out that girls look deeper than that and aren’t really as shallow as I was making them out to be.  But that’s not it either.  Girls—and, to be fair, people in general—really are as shallow as I was making them out to be, and the simple practice of never saying insecure things worked amazingly well.  To be perfectly honest, I had sex with more women this past September and October than during any year-long stretch of my life before, or all four years of college.  And I didn’t even go out that much.  So without becoming boorish here, let it be established that never saying insecure things really does work, and is incredibly easy.

Fundamental #2 (See also: Commandment XI): Be irrationally self-confdent. It doesn’t matter if you have no objective basis for your confidence — women are wired to get turned on by men expressing confidence, which can be as easy to do as simply refraining from expressing insecurity, as the man in the link above found out. So the next time you reflexively feel like putting yourself down to win imaginary plaudits or perhaps a pity fuck from women, don’t do it. Think before you speak. Better to be thought a silent alpha than blab your true feelings and go home a rejected beta.

He goes on to note that his new, non-insecure persona, while netting him pussy, turned him into a nonentity. He says that acting confident all the time instead of in his usual self-deprecating, insecure, but highly entertaining way — “I want to ask her every five minutes whether she really likes me and then not believe her when she says yes… Instead, I slap her on the ass and then lean against something” — made him an uninteresting caricature.

Two counterpoints to that. One, most men would gladly trade a self-perceived interesting personality for more pussy, if such a trade-off were available or even a reflection of reality. Two, the move from insecure to confident does not necessitate an abandonment of sparkling wit. A quick observation of all the supremely cocky and confident womanizers you have known should remind you that they are often the most interesting and fun guys to be around. A slap on the ass is a lot funnier, and sexier, than a despairing exegesis on one’s crippling self-doubt. Sure, a lot of newbs to game tend to reformulate themselves into cookie-cutter automatons, but that’s sometimes a necessary transition until they have internalized the proper attitude and can successfully couple it with their innately unique personalities.

Now if you despise women like some race of philistines incapable of finding the humor and the attraction in the insecure funnyman schtick, then you will either have to bury your resentment and enjoy getting laid, or stay principled with your calloused hand as an audience of one. This is the reality in which you exist. Perhaps in some alternate universe a version of you is setting vaginas on fire with hair-pulling laments about your A cup manboobs.





Comments


  1. What a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive.

    Lying can be fun, as long as it doesn’t become habitual.

    Like


  2. None of this is a surprise.

    Just stop listening to what women say they want, because their motivations are either unclear even to them, they’re delusional or they’re interested in ferreting you out.

    Just stop caring what they think or projecting a sensitive persona. Women want such men as friends – not as men.

    Like


  3. Aloof wins the day.

    Like


  4. I’m surprised he lets the girl read his blog, and hope he writes again to update whether or not it had the effect he feared and drove her off. I grapple with similar feelings to him, the desire to confess my insecurities to a woman, which is probably the result of having parents who always listened (damn their good parenting!).

    There was also very little about how he actually met these girls he’s been seeing. Maybe they’re all teachers or tavern wenches, but the teachers would have seen his insecure side, and unless he’s really good looking (which he implies), simply cutting all insecure speech from conversation is not enough to meet girls. He had to approach.

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  5. “the move from insecure to confident does not necessitate an abandonment of sparkling wit.”

    That’s an important point. Not just “wit,” either, but all sorts of otherwise endearing traits that don’t need to be thrown out with the bathwater. Of the mistakes aplenty that I read in the comments section here, that might be #1 as too many guys go (or pretend to go – you know how internet bravado is) too far in remaking themselves.

    Like


  6. chateu

    The critical state of mind that every master womanizer I’ve known shares is an aloof and indifferent, sometimes even scornful, attitude toward women’s opinions of them and the direction of their relationships.

    hey for the FIRST TIME EVER i gotta disagree – i love them cunts

    Like


  7. on December 9, 2010 at 1:46 pm Ari Hinkelberger

    I’m struggling with this at this very moment. Insecure as fuck and blabbering at the mouth of my girlfriend. It has totally fucking killed her attraction for me. Insecurity to women is like a cold shower to men. Makes your their proverbial dick totally soft.

    Great timing on this post.

    Like


  8. i’m surprised you other geeks did’nt catch this misspelled word (first time ive seen one on here):

    “Fundamental #2 (See also: Commandment XI): Be irrationally self-confdent……”

    Extra hungover like me today Roissy?

    *feel free to delete this comment.

    Like


  9. Here are some quick tip for sounding confident while you are speaking:

    Look her squarely in the eyes at several times as you are speaking, especially when you are making a serious point. If talking to a group, make eye contact with everyone in the group at some point. Eye contact serves to keep them attentive

    Gesticulate moderately. (Keep your hands out of your damned pockets and don’t cross your arms in front of you, but also don’t swing your arms and hands about you.)

    Use moderate and easily understood tones. Low talkers and shouters are utterly annoying and don’t sound confident.

    Get rid of the “um” and “er” between phrases. Pause with a brief silence between phrases as you collect your thoughts. This is extremely hard to do and requires practice – think about how you are speaking and ask your male friends if you are using too many “ums” and “ers” in your conversational speech.

    Try to sound authoritative without seeming preachy. This is a challenge. Once again, ask your male friends about how you sound.

    Consider joining a Toast Masters group for help with public speaking. Yeah, it’s for us older folks but it can be truly helpful if a little scary.

    Like


  10. Roissy didn’t even quote the funniest part:

    “The way I see it, all the books about confidence should have been aimed at men, and the ones for women should have had titles like Dress Your Inner Child in Ripped Fishnets and Chicken Soup for the Making Your Tits Bigger. But maybe this is just one of the many reasons why I am not a self-help author.”

    Like


  11. Additionally, I really hate the end of that post. For one, the stories he cites that he can’t tell, well, he could tell them. The “he was ridiculously good looking” story could easily be told by a confident man. Also, a smart man would have lived with the really good looking guy, because it would mean there would be more good looking women around, especially given that he is was a dancer.

    Secondly, the “I like San Francisco” part of the story how about “I just feel the most comfortable there, like New York it brings out the best in me.”

    Like


  12. Ninth?
    Epic Post.
    Lies are the new Truth.
    If you lie enough, eventually you’ll internalize it. Fake it ’till you make it. Just like the biofeedback post. (Alpha body language produces testosterone)
    Pretend to be Alpha enough and you’ll be Alpha.
    What he was describing is a lay version of NLP modeling.
    Bandler style.
    A telling sign that it’s working: A woman comments to him that he sounds like an overconfident asshole that only gets shallow women.

    Liked by 1 person


  13. I’m starting to think that this is actually good UNISEX advice. Is emotional neediness attractive in women?

    Nope. No more attractive than it is in a man.

    Keep up the good work roissy!

    Like


  14. There are two kinds of aloof — absent/unavailable and indifferent. Both have their uses but if you use both together early on you’re overdoing it and won’t get noticed unless you have major good looks or pre-qualification. At the beginning you want to be indifferent but around, to stay on her mind at get the hamster wheel spinning. After you have demonstrated high value and indifference, OK to withdraw.

    (Game historians will recognize this indifference/DHV/withdraw sequence as “The Tao of Steve”.)

    Once things have started cooking, indifference is dangerous unless you’re really attuned to her feelings (it won’t kill attraction but it might hurt her if not done right), and unavailability is easier to manage. In a long-term relationship where you can’t be so absent or unavailable, indifference is again a key tool.

    Important: some people have misunderstood indifference to mean “you act like you don’t care about her”. Not quite right. You act like you don’t care what she feels about you. The former is easier but only works because it conveys the latter; if you can act like you don’t care what she feels about you but can also convey that you have noticed her and are not uninterested in her, that’s way better, though hard to pull off (because the only way to make that combination consistent in her mind is that you have such an easy time getting chicks that she’s just another pretty face in the crowd, and she’ll start qualifying herself and trying to impress you).

    Like


  15. on December 9, 2010 at 2:49 pm The Man Who Was . . .

    Dehumanize and objectify women.

    I broke up with someone a couple weeks ago, a nice girl in her mid 30s who had a pretty face and the bikini body to end all bikini bodies. I did so casually, with no emotional investment at all. After awhile, all of womankind just tends to dissolve into a vast sea of vagina. It isn’t even necessary to consciously adopt an attitude of women being worthless. Fortunately, I am still capable of responding to someone who really puts their heart out for me, but I seem incapable of feeling much of anything for any woman who hasn’t demonstrated how much they love me. Even then I can be pretty fickle, because their love matters only if they have sufficient value in terms of looks and personality.

    Only with the hottest girls do I feel that there is anything like equality. I am reminded how S.G. Belknap says the true lover is simultaneously both in and out of control of his feelings. Love is risking something, putting your soul at least a little bit on the line. I still feel that little flutter when dating the hottest girls. I do hope that they will choose me, even as I hope they will live up to my non-looks related criteria, but now I know how to keep cool about it. I know there will be a real loss if I lose her (great physical beauty is rare, and even rarer when attached to beauty of character), but I also know that it will not be total devastation.

    Like


  16. Polymath

    There are two kinds of aloof — absent/unavailable and indifferent. Both have their uses but if you use both together early on you’re overdoing it and won’t get noticed unless you have major good looks or pre-qualification.

    Hey man, don’t be hatin on my mystery/roosh/ashtonkutcher/ method.

    Like


  17. The 1585 guy also makes an astute point about insecurity: ranting about things unrelated to yourself is still a sign of insecurity. Avoid complaining, lashing out defensively, being irritated or frustrated. Guys who have their shit together let things roll off their back.

    Like


  18. I can’t disagree with anything being said here because I’ve seen it work in real life. But there is something which concerns me that I’d like to bring up.

    It seems to me that for this strategy to be effective, a man would effectively have to be a fake (or delusional) for the rest of his life. Anyone who is honest with themselves has realistic self-doubt and I would imagine that you would never be 100% perfect in hiding that.

    I don’t like the idea that I would have to be a fake for the rest of my life for a woman to “love me”. In fact she wouldn’t actually be loving “me” as she would be loving the distorted image I have projected of myself. Not just in regards to self-confidence but with other things as well. When I am being honest with myself, status whoring with the big house, big car, big wedding etc. really doesn’t impress me. In fact I find such a waste of money on shiny objects as at least slightly abhorrent. But women love that shit.

    Maybe it’s just because my ring finger and my index finger are the same length, but I really would like a honest and human connection with a woman. But based on what my lying eyes are telling me, I’m not sure women are capable of being in that kind of relationship. I don’t like this idea that I need to be a fake for a woman to love me, but I can see it is probably the truth.

    As a side note, me and my good German friend Herr Schadenfreude do get a kick out of the fact that women reward men who are delusional and who are liars and then the women can’t understand when those relationships blow up in their face.

    Like


  19. Blame the beta-education program of America…Rom-Com movies where the meek always win out by exposing their innermost fears. One reeking example is the “seduction” of the hottie in Back to College by Rodney’s kid. At least today, Matthew McConeghy wins the girl by being assholish…although too many modern film romantic alphas get the girl by “learning an important lesson about feelings” (even Tucker Max rhymes with goldman sacks)

    Like


  20. But the friggin’ idiot’s “personality” is based on saying insecure things nad being insecure.
    Pusfication of a man brought on by trying to humiliate himself everywhere in order to make others feel better.

    ” My initial instinctive response to almost anything that someone else says involves betraying insecurity on one level or another. ”

    mommy, I am afraid of the dark!!

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  21. “Until I adopted this project, I never realized just how much of my sense of myself and my role in any given social setting is based on saying insecure things.”

    Like


  22. @Walenty Lisek:

    I feel ya, man, but I think you’re missing a key point, as do many of the naysayers I read on this blog: The important part of “Fake It ‘Til You Make It” is *MAKE IT*. Restated, “Fake it ’til you make it, but make damn sure that you Make It.” I.e., make the image (the confident you) real. That’s Inner Game.

    And not all women love those expensive shiny objects you mention. Some do, some don’t. I’d say a much more accurate generalization about women *worth spending your time on* is that they love men who they believe are capable of creating wealth for themselves (material wealth or otherwise). Standard admonitions about weeding out gold diggers apply here.

    You want an “honest and human connection with a woman”? Work on your Inner Game, and turn yourself into something worth connecting to. You won’t have anything to hide from the one who is worthy of you.

    Like


  23. on December 9, 2010 at 3:23 pm The Man Who Was . . .

    It seems to me that for this strategy to be effective, a man would effectively have to be a fake (or delusional) for the rest of his life.

    http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/gaming-your-wife/

    “Unless you have an arranged marriage or she is a conniving massive bitch, she fell in love with you and is attracted to the real you. You don’t need to morph into a super alpha, you just need to avoid morphing into a sniveling beta and maybe dial up your natural alpha just a bit. Unless being a sniveling beta is your natural and preferred state, avoiding that really shouldn’t be something that feels like work. Guys don’t become sniveling betas because they want to or because it is who they are, they do it because they don’t understand and mistakenly listen to all of the messages of our feminized culture.

    The foundation for her commitment to your marriage shouldn’t be your game. If she is only one, or a few, or even 50 failed shit tests away from walking away from her sacred vow and/or whoring around, then she isn’t a wife, she is a whore. Don’t marry a whore. Game should be about making you and your wife happier with your marriage, not about putting the sole onus for the success of the marriage on you.”

    In my experience, among the truly good girls, the ones you actually would want to marry, all you really need is fuck up avoidance game. For example, I’ve had to learn the hard way that most church girls who like you will deal with you in a relatively straightforward manner and that using all sorts of elaborate technique will often backfire.

    [Editor: Yeah, that’s probably true. A way to look at it is that game is a reactive as well as proactive system for success with women. On one hand, it helps to rid oneself of beta habits and prevent future backsliding. Game as used in this sense is perfect for guys who just want to keep their marriages or LTRs humming along. Additionally, game offers tools for improving one’s success rate with women, in terms of quantity and quality. This is the proactive (and riskier) part of game, and is the stuff that can get newbs in trouble if they don’t have their fundamentals squared away.]

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  24. …”i’m surprised you other geeks did’nt catch this misspelled word (first time ive seen one on here):…”

    Hey, Mingus, as long as we are playing grammar police, the apostrophe in the contraction “did’nt” actually goes between the n and the t. So, in other words, you didn’t spell did’nt correctly. No points this round.

    Like


  25. on December 9, 2010 at 4:16 pm lover of women

    great blog post

    off topic slightly ..an extraordinary woman..the Italian hooker in The American ..her attitude her way..everything a man can enjoy..

    Like


  26. A woman’s imagination is the single most useful tool in your Game arsenal. Every technique, every casual response, every gesture, intimation and subcommunication hinges on stimulating her imagination. Competition anxiety relies on it. DHV relies on it. Sexual tension (gina tingles) relies on it.

    This is the single greatest failing of average frustrated chumps; they vomit out everything about themselves, divulging the full truth of themselves to women in the mistaken belief that women desire that truth as a basis for qualifying for their intimacy. Learn this now: Women NEVER want full disclosure.

    Nothing is more self-satisfying for a woman than to think she’s figured a Man out based solely on her feminine intuition (i.e. imagination).

    When a man overtly confirms his character, his story, his value, etc. for a woman, the mystery is dispelled and the bio-chemical rush she enjoyed from her imaginings, her suspicions, her self-confirmations about you are GONE. AFCs classically do exactly this on the first date and wonder why they get LJBF’d promptly after it – this is why. Familiarity is anti-seductive. Nothing kills Game, lust and libido like comfortable familiarity. Despite their common bleating filibuster tactics, women don’t want to be comfortable with a potential sex partner, they need their imaginations stoked to be excited, aroused and anxious to want sex with a potential partner.

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  27. “Women NEVER want full disclosure.”

    In the context of sexuality and “dating”, women say the most amazing and completely untrue things.

    Pretty much everything a woman says is wrong and woe be unto the hapless schmuck who actually believes what women say.

    It’s the actions that must be heeded. Be warned, young men, the actions of women can be terribly subtle. Be incredibly observant of body language, gestures, eye movements, voice inflections, facial movements, etc.

    The general noises from a woman’s mouth are often a distraction from her real actions.

    Like


  28. Another reason I hate SWPLS – they can’t enough of self-deprecating humor.

    Like


  29. “Sure, a lot of newbs to game tend to reformulate themselves into cookie-cutter automatons, but that’s sometimes a necessary transition until they have internalized the proper attitude and can successfully couple it with their innately unique personalities.”

    Freaking brilliant… just the transition I’m making right now… a nice dark, classy humor in place of the high strung one we see so much of in the beta…

    Like


  30. on December 9, 2010 at 5:15 pm Vincent Ignatius

    Met a guy the other day who had dated a girl I want to fuck. He said it didn’t work out between them.

    Guy: If you do go out with her, never tell her you like her, she can’t handle that I guess.
    VI: Of course, no girl really wants to hear that.
    Guy: On our second date, I told her “You know, I really like you a lot.” and she suddenly got uncomfortable and wouldn’t go out with me after that date.

    Never show a girl your cards.

    Like


  31. Consider this:

    All I would have had to do was lie about what I’m really thinking every moment for the rest of my life.

    Yes it is true, and makes women disposable objects. What the guy is saying, is the true you, must be concealed with a non-stop performance. That women will adore and love the performance, not the person. At best, they are “fans” of a performer, and not the real person underneath. This means that any relationship formed on this basis falls apart once either:

    1. The performer reveals the true person, and stops performing ALL THE TIME (a realistic probability). OR

    2. The woman loses attractiveness and gets dumped (because she was just “a fan of the performance” not someone who loved the real person underneath).

    I’m skeptical of the widespread application of Game, not the least in which almost no one can remake totally their personality into a 100% constant-on performance. IIRC Mystery, Strauss, and others have blamed performance glitches/revelation of the real them for the end of their many relationships. This is particularly true since women who are half-way attractive can bail out any time and at least sleep with if not “tame” an Alpha. And the flip-side is that all a beta male has accomplished is temporarily produced a performance that gets rewards, like an aging athlete he is disposable and knows it. That does not engender two-way loyalty, at best a temporary free-agency signing.

    This probably also explains disdain by most non-natural Alphas/PUA for relationships. Really, what good is a woman you “won” by being someone else, not yourself. Through a ruthless performance, not simply being yourself. If you have to lie all the time, the relationship is worthless in and of itself. Might as well plow through as many women as possible.

    And most women, considering this, would not have it any other way. Nearly all women would rather have intermittent sex with Alphas than a lifetime with a slightly raised Beta.

    Like


  32. Stop saying insecure things. Dead-on accurate. Not only will you project confidence, but you’ll develop honest-to-god confidence, too.

    Lying about your own self-perception is just like forcing a change in any other mindset. Once you see that women aren’t calling you out on whatever it is you’re irrationally insecure about, you’ll stop caring about it. You can fake it ’til you make it.

    Like


  33. “Women want you to be honest about your feelings the way the IRS wants you to be honest about your finances”

    so true, many men talk themselves out of the pussy than in it.

    same thing with the police, NEVER EVER talk with the police even if they are friendly, it is their job to get you prosecuted.

    you have the right to remain silent as everything you say will be using against you to crucify you.

    Like


  34. the economist article details the alpha/beta dichotomy

    they call beta “wimps” and alhpa “hunks”

    http://video.economist.com/index.jsp?fr_story=63ec35a0694a6853c63a13d21acf9ef3f9dead8d&rf=podcast

    Like


  35. What is also vastly important is that a man has inherent value in the eyes of the women that he is gaming.

    If she does not already value you ; say for your looks , physique , status , job , money , or she has decided that you can fulifill some role in her life (or any combination of these factors) , then what Chateau writes about may help in making you not seem to her like a grovelling shmuck , but it won’t necessarily get you laid.

    Like


  36. Two points to cover, one a comment, the other a question:

    1) great game device: be seen to be organizing something that involves girls: a party, an event, a sporting outing. Then, be seen by the girls attending to be delegating to betas. Even better if at some point, the betas are seen to be lacking in the ability to carry out simple tasks.

    I’ve organized a few events recently.

    Chicks have lined up to hang out, to say “hi”….and are generally leaning on every word.

    Then, be aloof and busy at the event.

    You’ll be getting emails, requests for inane things on the premise of getting attention.

    This all falls into the self-confident criteria.

    2) I do have a question, how do you deal with chicks that suddenly start viewing this self-confidence as being a player. “I’ll bet you have tons of girl friends…” etc..

    Yes, these are shit tests, I get that, and can deal. But my problem lately has been chicks that get so attached after I bang them, they break up because they fear “it won’t go anywhere and you have lots of girlfriends”…even though quite honestly I don’t. I’m just confident.

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  37. Whiskey ; hence for an Alpha the performance just comes naturally while a man with a Beta mindset or disposition will tire of the performance and begin to resent the woman he is gaming for it.

    To make the performance less of a chore for those that put it on , men have to make sure that their lives are such that they have more options than the woman or women they are gaming.

    Having more options or at least believing that you have more options is a powerfull mindset that many men lack and come from a position of scarcity.

    Like


  38. If you lie all the time to get laid, you’ll probably be miserable in the long run.

    Sorry to disappoint.

    On the other hand, not voicing your insecurities does not mean you are lying. Keeping your mouth shut is actually an act of humility and virtue, and will still be interpreted in a favorable manner by women.

    Like


  39. my grievance with this site is the difference between a ducati and a ferrari. a ducati is faster than a ferrari around most tracks…. but who the fuck takes a motorcycle around a track full tilt and lives to tell about it? so a ferrari is faster for 99.999% of us. The skills required for game are difficult. Hard to imagine guys under 25 pulling this shit off.

    ergo.. game needs to be reality based and less a flight of fancy. if you hit the gym and have a decent body, start dropping lines like

    “are you sure you love me or are you just entranced with my body?”

    “are you sure you love me or are you just entranced with the sex?” (if you are good in bed) …

    if you are rich and attractive

    “why should I deal with this when there are a million 19 year olds who would date me in a heartbeat”

    repeat ad nauseum. obviously you can’t pull off this shit if game and reality diverge too conspicuously. this then raises the question… if you are (in reality) such a fucking loser yet have great game, why are you such a loser? Get a “real” life instead of a “game” one.

    Like


  40. I’m gonna say the most insecure thing I’ve said here but this post is very applicable to me. If Roissy is cataloguing my past faux-pas, this is it.

    One often feels a natural need to confide in one’s comfort circle and vent about their hardships and insecurities. The worst thing I did (after the last shit thing that happened to me) was not to confine said comfort circle to my closest platonic friends. But no, I emoted, lamented and leaned on far too many people, giving at least a far too detailed account of my woes, as if my natural verbosity and sombreness wasn’t bad enough. I alienated male friends, SMV blatantly went down with female friends. Worst mistake is to ever treat a potential female pursuit like a platonic friend, especially when you know a lotta hotties.

    Like


  41. game is surprisingly simple when you distill it. It’s very hard to actually absorb that way though.

    Like


  42. yeah i agree with samseau.

    who transposed not voicing your insecurities to actual lying ?

    in my culture (latin america) we rarely if ever voice our insecurities to our lovers because we see it as not a masculine trait. this has nothing to do with lying, it has do with keeping your mouth shut and not whining.

    in extreme circumstances its ok to complain when you feel you have been injured in some egregious way but voicing insecurities like “i wish i was smarter, i wish i was stronger, i wish was more handsome, doug and jack are better at my job than i am, chris drives a better car, dan has a hotter gf”. WTF.

    cmon bros that shit is not even beta its beyond beta.
    its pathetic sour grapes tender berry ass-hurtedness.
    i dont care if you are a woman or a man, i dont want to spend more than 5 seconds with any human being who lives and acts like this.

    also, guess what ? everyone is insecure to some degree.
    work on what is making you feel insecure and when that is not in the immediate purview do what roissy says, keep your mouth shut about it, amplify your positive traits and be irrationally self confident about those aspects of your personality.

    if your insecurity is so crippling that you cannot live without voicing them at every turn of conversation, well its called “get a therapist”. your lover is not your therapist nor should they be.

    never voice your insecurities to the woman you are dating, not even your gf or your wife. they are counting on you to be strong, they are the weaker sex, remember ?

    i dont know if this whole voicing your insecurities is a uniquely american phenomenom or what but in latin america men rarely do this. and when they do, they are scorned not only by women but by their friends too.

    again, im not saying dont feel insecurity (this is human) but when you do feel it and you MUST get it out, well find other ways to let off that steam (therapy, exercise, confide in a close buddy who will sympathize with you but dont over do it with them either). the one thing you never do is letting your lover in on all your neuroses and insecurities.
    it is a one way path to celibacy.

    Like


  43. The point about the personality trade-off is very pertinent as well. Me and my best friend act very differently in social situations, even when we think very similarly. He takes a very animated jester-like ‘acty’ approach, making it a prerogative to create an impression on people, and he will remain ‘in character’ for the duration of that social encounter. I on the other hand cannot act and can only really play it straight or bad-aloof. He constantly complains to me about how dissatisfied he is to hear people compliment him on how fun and interesting he is (and therein, how guilty he feels when he gets laid), because it’s not a reflection of his real self. It’s alien to the ears of someone like myself who has not matched his social success.

    Like


  44. To me the part of “lie about every bit of yourself” pretty much precludes love and romance for all but naturals. If you are one of the blessed few who are and remain “naturals” then of course you can be your natural self. However, if you are the average beta guy who has to be the good-natured, and non-aloof/ahole guy to get along in an office with women/non-Whites in the PC laden environment then it is very, very difficult. Because you have to completely switch gears to being two alien, incompatible people in the work and the romance environment.

    The social conditioning to be the get-along-beta male (particularly for White guys) is huge. Self-effacing humor is the PC police coming down hard on White guys who display any aspect of individuality if they are not natural Alphas like Tom Brady.

    Like


  45. Great article. To be blunt, I find making people laugh a lot fairly easy, but i’m often self deprecating. It can be fun and cathartic, we are all flawed – most people much moreso than me.

    This article is making me consider the possibility that girls can’t see past the overt humour though. I have a core of confidence and ego stronger than most people, I just keep it well hidden, maybe too well hidden?

    I’ll try the irrationally self confident and cocky thing for a bit and see where that goes.

    Like


  46. again he did not lie, he just withheld any signs of wimpiness, insecurity, neediness, desperation, being lost, self-doubt.

    poker face and knowing what NOT to say all the way!

    Like


  47. Jim

    “Great article. To be blunt, I find making people laugh a lot fairly easy, but i’m often self deprecating. ”

    “This article is making me consider the possibility that girls can’t see past the overt humour though. ”

    http://roissy.wordpress.com/2007/06/22/the-class-clown-puts-her-in-the-mood/

    Like


  48. on December 9, 2010 at 8:46 pm Rollo Tomassi

    If you lie all the time to get laid, you’ll probably be miserable in the long run.

    And if you bear your soul with any consistency you’ll never get laid AND you’ll probably be miserable in the long run. What’s the better deal?

    Conspicuous lack of any female responses refuting the above article, noted without comment.

    Like


  49. This is great advice! I’ve recently started to refrain myself from saying insecure things and I can really notice the change in attitudes of people around me.

    However, one question I have is, in the Comfort stage, showing vulnerability is very effective, but what’s the distinction between showing vulnerability vs. expressing fears/self-doubts or anything else that doesn’t demonstrate irrational confidence?

    Like


  50. Does this work for woman. Do men like a confident woman?

    Like


  51. ^ that is like asking if men like a meticulously presented dinner plate.

    Like


  52. A woman can’t be your mom and can’t help you with your emotional problems.

    Like


  53. Female: “Do men like a confident woman?”

    Yes. She comes up and, sincerely, asks “Wanna fuck?” directly wthout blinking an eye– she’s got guts and that’s definitely not a turn-off.

    Like


  54. From the quoted post:

    Women want you to be honest about your feelings the way the IRS wants you to be honest about your finances.

    That is the best analogy I’ve read in some time regarding women and how much you should really tell them about your emotions, whether via words or actions.

    They’re just probing for weaknesses that they’ll use to justify shitting all over you whenever it suits their needs or, more likely, random emotional states. Perfect.

    Like


  55. “”However, one question I have is, in the Comfort stage, showing vulnerability is very effective, but what’s the distinction between showing vulnerability vs. expressing fears/self-doubts or anything else that doesn’t demonstrate irrational confidence?””

    One of the biggest differences is this :

    You show your “previous” vulnerabilities , that you have been able to overcome and grow out of.

    An issue that you once had and have overcome shows that you can be vulnerable and you may once have been in respect to something , but have since dealt with it and moved on.

    Like


  56. Some of this is good advice for a marriage too. I have had considerable success with showing greater confidence with my wife. I even explained to my daughter recently that I had used “game” when I had to get my wife to bring in some X-rays we needed at the ED I had taken my daugher to for a minor injury. I simply got on the phone and told my wife “Bring the films”. I explained to my daughter that this is a version of “Bring the videos”. When my wife agreed to my curt direction, I simply told her “Good girl” and hung up.

    When she showed up at the hospital, my wife said something about maybe not needing to wait around. So I simply agreed and let her go, with hardly a word. She was ‘dismissed’.

    It sounds harsh, but it worked by stopping all the whining, fuss and unpleasantness that would have otherwise been involved.

    And it’s true, women always test you out. They are interested in whether you are getting other feminine attention, whether you are being “badass” enough at work, and they generally do NOT want to hear you express any fears you may have.

    Like


  57. on December 9, 2010 at 9:24 pm Logic = Anti-Game

    Boring Interesting

    Blue balls Lotsa pussy

    Talking about your insecurities = talking about yourself = boring as fuck.

    This guy has learned laconic game, which has prevented him from the utter disaster that is the far left of my chart.

    He thinks he’s become less interesting, but the truth is that he has only become less interesting to himself. He’s become vastly more interesting to everyone around him just by shutting up.

    If/when he figures out a way to say things that are ACTUALLY interesting, he’ll be dynamite.

    Like


  58. on December 9, 2010 at 9:26 pm Logic = Anti-Game

    my chart didn’t work

    just imagine boring/blue balls at one end of the scale and interesting/lotsa pussy at the other

    Like


  59. Why do I feel like the lesson this guy learned should be obvious? Not just for attraction, but in general someone who is way too needy, way to insecure, seeking validation… once in a while (like, couple of times a year) is fine, we’re all human. But all the time? Time to unload the baggage! And not on your friends, it’s a burden if you do it too much (well, even once actually).

    During the economic downturn (still going on?), and high unemployment… the biggest turn offs were the guys seeking sympathy for being laid off recently. It’s one thing to confide in someone you know well, but to think a girl’s gonna be interested in your sob story… umthxbyenow.

    I’m married now and even I’ll admit that I was turned off by the hottest man ever born aka the hubster when he shared how down he was over a professional situation. Like reeeally shared. I think he was trying to open up to me or something, can’t fault a person for that, that would be plain mean. And I did feel for him, and I wanted to be there for him not only as a friend but just out of basic human decency. Did I feel tingles like normal however? Heck nope! I felt less guilty about other guys asking me out too… but the genius known as my hubster, on his own, figured it out and doesn’t really share that side with me in the same way any more. Or maybe his friends gave him a pep talk, I donno.

    Like


  60. @Walenty

    “I don’t like the idea that I would have to be a fake for the rest of my life for a woman to “love me”. In fact she wouldn’t actually be loving “me” as she would be loving the distorted image I have projected of myself.”

    Women do not love “You”.

    Women do not love “the distorted image I have projected of myself.”

    Women love the distorted image that they create in their mind of you.

    Like


  61. The only insecurity you can reveal is fake insecurities, in order to appear human. More accuratly something that you can say you fear, like fear of heights, you need to have some vulnerability. But NEVER admit your actual insecurities. Those are leg tighteners. Especially true if she’s calling you a player, good looking etc. But yes, noobs should not be telling their insecurities to chicks.

    Like


  62. ” My initial instinctive response to almost anything that someone else says involves betraying insecurity on one level or another. ”

    A subservient approach can be appropriate for when meeting a new group or making a new friend. In order to appear non-threatening, you show some underbelly. Look at how a dog will lower his tail when not on his terf, or when sussing out some intimidating dog. For people it’s part of the bonding process to share a few weaknesses.

    This guy must have followed the reward circuit that comes with humility habitually. He then had to learn the longer term reward circuit that comes with arrogance.

    Like


  63. 2) I do have a question, how do you deal with chicks that suddenly start viewing this self-confidence as being a player. “I’ll bet you have tons of girl friends…” etc..

    Be vague.

    Like


  64. Cyning

    But no, I emoted, lamented and leaned on far too many people, giving at least a far too detailed account of my woes…
    Worst mistake is to ever treat a potential female pursuit like a platonic friend.

    Corollary; always display higher value. Although I’m on record of disagreeing with the term aloof, I believe that there is an underlying concept that Chateau and I describe in wildly varying terms. I see a risk in oversimplification, when the term used does not convey the correct image. The image is actually quite complex.

    Terms I like:
    amused mastery

    Terms that don’t capture a big picture, but are not wrong:
    amused haughtyness
    arrogance

    Terms that risk conveying too much negative attitude:
    aloof

    To always display higher value is a mindset that at first rubs against the grain. We’ve been taught to be humble. To respect others. That is wrong. We should not be humble. We should not respect others. We should be haughty and arrogant, while at the same time friendly and open.

    This is where it’s so devilishly difficult to convey an image, as the gestalt includes polar opposites. You want to be engaged, open, interested, and horny. You want to be loving, vulnerable, empathetic. And yet you want to have hand – to be less vulnerable than the girl, less interested in the outcome than the girl. You want to come across as being able to puppet her attention and her emotions – you want to convey constantly a sense of ease and mastery over HER emotional world.

    Like


  65. on December 10, 2010 at 12:28 am Erik_The_Stryker_Slyker

    good to know game really is so simple, at least in theory, practical application takes years to get good at.
    Just like honing any skill.

    Like


  66. That post was sparkling. Hard, true, real, amoral. Women like nothing better than to succumb to a naturally stronger person, a man. It’s just a fact, and you don’t need to be mean about it, but you need to respect it.

    On the excellent recurring topic of aloofness I’d like to add the fact that if you’re anything like me, it feels really great. It’s just a basic way of being and behaving that makes me feel good and content. Which even makes me a better person for others too, so everyone’s content (to the limited extent that I care). One of the most discouraging things about PUA seemed to be the fact that so many gurus were pretty unhappy even if they manage to get a lot of pussy without paying for it. And getting happier is the reason for trying to get laid a lot, right? So the aloof posts lately have gotten things back on track it seems. Amused mastery is a nice term. It’s important to develop other actually functioning ways to fun and laughs other than self hate, geekiness and the like once you’re done with it.

    Like


  67. Regarding conveying a sense of ease and mastery over HER emotional world, this is the essence of teasing. The deliberate push and pull has the same underlying principle. More subtle is controlling the mood of your room in adjustment to her state. You are the DJ of the room, and you make her feel varying emotions, at your command.

    Her emotions might affect your playlist, but you are the DJ. Sometimes you are jazzing with her – it’s hard to tell who is the initiator – but your attitude of being the band leader always holds the whole piece together. You control the mood. You are the authority.

    A lot of game comes down to that – proving that you can handle and manipulate her.

    Like


  68. I have a question. What if you really don’t care about women? What if you really don’t want them around you are even talking to you? What if you flat out don’t give a ratts ass about them at all and want to be left alone?

    This is how I feel about them and they seem to get the hint and leave me alone not at all the way you say it should happen, which is fine with me.

    So how do you explain this disparity in the way you say a man should act and the results of when a man does feel real contempt for them?

    It’s not like I want to smack them are anything it’s just that when one starts talking to me I say in my head, please just go away and they do.

    Like


  69. Not giving a flying f helps me but when I want something its like the whole demeanor changes and my mannerisms soften up…

    Like


  70. Walenty Lisek: “It seems to me that for this strategy to be effective, a man would effectively have to be a fake (or delusional) for the rest of his life. Anyone who is honest with themselves has realistic self-doubt and I would imagine that you would never be 100% perfect in hiding that.”

    My good man, the point isn’t that you need to beat every single conceivable interpersonal situation to death by blunt force aloof trauma. The point is, women respond in a sexually negative way to men who are generally insecure, whiny, bare-all girly-men. On the other hand, they often respond with tingles to men who are irrationally self confident, or highly self confident to go along with an attractive personality and high achievement…

    The thing is though, if you’re generally a self confident achiever, or an irrationally confident non-achiever, even your self doubt becomes another asset. Xsplat has his game together and is right, it’s nice to show some underbelly some times to lower the guards. If you’re normally not an insecure, whiny bitch, people will actually notice and listen if by chance your mountainous self esteem does get a rare tremble. Because it might be a sign that something they need or depend on is actually in danger when it seems to be bothering even you, rather than just an insecure person projecting his insecurity as usual. You’re like them after all, just a lot more attractive than most guys.

    Like


  71. There’s nothing more annoying than dipshits who are undeservedly overconfident. The ones who are talentless, who have inflated senses of self-importance, who are oblivious to their mediocrity.

    “Dipshit: A despised person; a moron; an ineffectual person; one with a habit of being wrong, loudly and often.”

    It would darken my soul to think that women would be attracted to these worthless loud fucktards. Say it ain’t so.

    But when you encounter a man who’s confident and stoic and cool, it’s magnetic.
    Someone who’s man enough not to indulge in insecurities, who takes the weight of the world on his shoulders and doesn’t whine like a bitch, he’s strong-minded, in control, self-confident, bold, self-aware, a force of unwavering masculine strength.
    Women fall hard for guys like that.

    Like


  72. @ Walenty Lisek

    “When I am being honest with myself, status whoring with the big house, big car, big wedding etc. really doesn’t impress me. ”

    Women aren’t intrested in these things. They will follow a confident stone-age man to a cave and leave an unconfident millionaire any time.

    Game is the most romantic thing in the world. It exposes truths that might make one bitter, but that actually are wonderful if you give a second thought. The best relevation it gives is that you really cannot buy love for money!

    Women’s love is free. All the best things in this world are. Most money spent goes to shit you don’t need and that is told to be important to enslave you.

    Game is antithesis to materialism. Game is foundation of true romance and spirituality. If you want to tell if a priest of any religion is a man of God or a liar, you must check whether he has some intuitive understanding about game.

    Like


  73. @ MGTOW

    “I have a question. What if you really don’t care about women? What if you really don’t want them around you are even talking to you? What if you flat out don’t give a ratts ass about them at all and want to be left alone?

    This is how I feel about them and they seem to get the hint and leave me alone not at all the way you say it should happen, which is fine with me.

    So how do you explain this disparity in the way you say a man should act and the results of when a man does feel real contempt for them?

    It’s not like I want to smack them are anything it’s just that when one starts talking to me I say in my head, please just go away and they do.”

    You probably come across as a boring beaten loser trough tonality and expression and they run from you like you would run from an ugly fat female with herpes who wants to cry on your shoulder and cry.

    Like


  74. Ubermind – game is a lot, though. It’s teaching the ugly middle age wealthy guy to make young sexy girls fall for his wit and money like Xsplat does, and it’s making the young broke handsome guy actually succeed in pickups and not underplay his cards because he doesn’t know what to do and say. Sure, SOME guys get a long way with only game, no looks, money, obvious brains or anything else – but usually it’s about using what you have to your best advantage.

    You will also usually have a lot more problems scoring with only tight game outside Western countries. It’s easy for women to latch onto some puffed up airbag if they know they’ll never starve or get molested because they’re trash and nobody cares. Try to feed Thai women that endless unjustified confidence and they’ll call your bluffs, simply because they know too well your unwarranted high self confidence ain’t gonna feed her family, it’s probably just going to lead to a lot of fucking not involving her. But if you do have money or looks to offer… Game is gold, even there.

    Like


  75. @The man who was……

    After awhile, all of womankind just tends to dissolve into a vast sea of vagina. It isn’t even necessary to consciously adopt an attitude of women being worthless.

    Zen.

    Like


  76. As someone said above, confessing real insecurities to a new female acquaintance you are trying to game is beyond beta. Same goes for acting like a puppy when ordering drinks at the bar, not being able to handle alcohol, having no plan, etc. What sort of first impression does that make?

    Why? Because when women meet you, they see it as a new experience that for them is essentially passive. Like it or not, your job is to create that experience. They want you to direct it, to sweep them into it. Afterwards, they’ll sit in their hamster pile and evaluate it with their friends. While they’re in it, as in old-time dancing, they want you to lead. So you damn well better know how to lead.

    Leadership is a muscle. To females, your confessing insecurity and lack of direction is like suddenly going limp. They may give you sympathetic eyes when you do it, but you can bet money all their tingles have disappeared. In their place comes the mothering instinct, and suddenly you’re a boy child. You can kiss her ass goodbye.

    Xsplat has it right that there are times when showing some underbelly to a female is effective for bonding, but you have to on top of what you’re doing.

    Like


  77. Once again, “aloof” shouldn’t have to be faked.

    You’re a MAN, so that means you’ve got so many projects, ideas, and places to go that you ARE a bit aloof because you’re thinking about THOSE things, instead of HER.

    The trick is to draw HER into your world, and let her imagination go wild. This is where “over-talk” ruins most men’s chances. Thus, keep it simple, a*sholes:

    Examples –

    YOU: “Damn, sorry Lisa, but I don’t have much more time, I gotta flight to catch to Nicaragua in the morning.” (so I can game chicks there in a language you don’t speak…)

    HER: (Shit! He’s flying to Central America…without me! Wasn’t Nicaragua once communist? Maybe he’s a spy!! Ooooo….!!)

    YOU: “Should I go to Italy in April or October, what do you think, Raquel?

    HER: (How does he know not to travel to Italy in the summer? I’m an uber-chick and I read that in Cosmo last month….but how does HE know that???)

    YOU: “Hey, Brittany, I’m printing invoices and checks at home for my business but don’t like the software. What do you use?”

    HER: (Wow…he owns his own business. How interesting…I bet he drives a nice car…my girlfriends will be SOOO jealous!!)

    YOU: Hey, Liz, I’m heading down to Haiti to help out the earthquake victims. How good are you at drawing blood?

    HER: (He’s SOOO unselfish!! Gee, I don’t know if I could draw blood….maybe I’m not good enough for him….wait, I’ll show HIM!)

    Get it? She doesn’t ask YOU questions. You ask her questions that are OUT of her league, thereby throwing her OFF balance, and out of HER game, and on to YOURS.

    Game over.

    Like


  78. The point of game is not to turn everyone into Vladimir Putin, it is to make improvements in our lives and ideally (read: idealistically) the world at the margins.

    Like


  79. “Important: some people have misunderstood indifference to mean “you act like you don’t care about her”. Not quite right.

    You act like you don’t care what she feels about you.”

    I definitely agree with the above

    however what is the nuance betwee not caring what she feels about you and not caring about her feelings?

    much appreciated.

    Like


  80. @realdeal

    You care about her feelings by getting her out of herself and out helping the world instead.

    Thus, you don’t really care how she feels about you, but you definitely care about how she views what you’re doing in the world.

    It’s funny, but women really, deep down, know they’re not that important.

    They want men to INCLUDE them, not WORSHIP them.

    Like


  81. Another point –

    All women are essentially 15 year old girls inside. That’s how they behave, despite what they say.

    Yes, they mature earlier than young boys, but the memo you missed, is that their development stops at 15 FOREVER.

    What do 15 year-olds want? THEY WANT TO BE INCLUDED. They want to “go along for the ride.”

    When they see something exciting, they want “in.”

    Thus, the “bad-boy-biker” obsession, the “thug” obsession, the “criminal” obsession are all really part of the “include-me-in-something-exciting” female brainstem.

    Your job as a MAN, (forget Alpha for a second), is to seek out cool things to do in life. That MAKES you exciting, although you ain’t doing it for chicks.

    Follow your man instincts and the chicks will be there.

    End of story.

    Like


  82. Third comment.

    The Swedish chick, Sofia Wilen, who’s pressing some sort of girly-man Swedish charges against this cool dude Assange, apparently is photographer.

    You can find links to her photobucket files. Virtually ALL of her photos are of rockstars, lead singers, long-haired drug addicts, etc.

    Why? See my previous post. I tell you, they’re all 15 fucking years old.

    Like


  83. 2) I do have a question, how do you deal with chicks that suddenly start viewing this self-confidence as being a player. “I’ll bet you have tons of girl friends…” etc..

    Simple. “It’s complicated…”

    Like


  84. Thank you for the input but I think you are only partialy correct. Yes they do think that I am a loser but not for the reason you think. It is the exact opposite. I must be a loser because I can not be beaten down, manipulated, with sex or the promise of sex. Someone who has been beaten down will hang on in hopes of sex as just a friend.

    I think game falls somewhere between the two. Game allows a chick to think she can still beat down a man but once the manipulation starts the rug gets pulled out from under her. My position is that knowing the attempts to manipulate will start sooner or later I don’t even want to bother with it at all anymore.

    Like


  85. good shite HUX

    Like


  86. Good stuff, HUX. Of course you don’t have to drop foreign travel plans to convey all that. Even simpler:

    Here, try this.
    vs. “Can I buy you a drink?”

    I have two tickets to x. Let’s go.
    vs. “Are you doing anything Friday night?”

    My experience was different (silence).
    vs. “Awesome, that must have been so cool.”

    Direct, lead, and differ.

    Someone asked above about whether any of this will work for women, whether confident assertive women are attractive. I know a bunch of these. It depends. If they’re humorless feminist bitches, forget it. If they are feminine, demure, and then come out with some assertive desire — that’s contrast, interesting, and hard to deny.

    The best way for a man to deal with that assertion is to be amused but instantly masterful: “(amused expression) Alright, be ready at eight o’clock. (pause) Do you own a pair of heels?”

    Like


  87. HUX,

    Correct. Men start maturing at puberty, women stop.

    Like


  88. however what is the nuance betwee not caring what she feels about you and not caring about her feelings?

    I tend to view a womans emotions as musical. If her emotions are discordant, I’ll want to shut her off or change her channel.

    I have no concern for her emotions, other than how they can please me. I’m not bothered much by manipulative displays of anger or jealousy – I don’t care. I care only as much as they affect me – so I shut them down or avoid them or change them. I am not beholden to empathize.

    Like


  89. HUX, maybe it’s just the way it’s written, but those examples smack of a desperate desire to impress and show off; the motive is reeking in the subtext, and it reeks of insecurity and inferiority. Like a guy who says

    “Hey, I used up all my condoms at the weekend – where’s a good place to buy large amounts of cheap condoms?”

    When readers come up with examples of things like this, they’re usually horrible. They sound like someone who “learned” game late in life and everything they say is so transparent, just so “put on”.

    I would guess that many of you vastly underestimate smart women’s perception about these things.

    But then again, when you translate these things to the written word, they can appear like that

    Like


  90. On the other hand, when empathy benefits me, I go in full force. Love feels good, and requires this. Good sex requires this.

    Like


  91. @Feh

    Good points, dude. Very nice. Your examples are spot on, i.e. the guy ALREADY has his plans or opinions ready to go, and never compliments a woman for hers.

    Because he’s thinking, who gives a shit? She’s just a CHICK. And chicks don’t know shit. And in a bizarre way, chicks know they don’t know shit.

    And if you allow yourself to be deceived by them into thinking they do know shit, and defer to them, they will hate your guts.

    It never ceases to amaze me how guy after guy fails to realize this.

    Like


  92. @Legion

    True, true, true. You should never lie. But those examples I brought up weren’t lies. I have personally been to all those places, and I’m always on a plane somewhere.

    A man doesn’t fabricate his history. He doesn’t have to. To all those Alpha wannabes out there, where’s your passport?

    Even more fundamentally, do you HAVE a passport? Travelling to so-called “exotic” places isn’t desperate – NOT IF IT’S TRUE.

    Any true Alpha knows that the U.S. is a rigged game, and wins it by not playing it.

    Always remember this, Legion – “The job of wife (or girlfriend) has been outsourced to foreign countries.”

    Like


  93. Being Putin is a pretty good goal. Near total power in Russia for over a decade. The man is riding the wave until it crashes with the rest of the world. We should all want to be him.

    Like


  94. Roissy-

    What is your contact email? I’d like to discuss some things with you but cannot find a way to email you.

    Like


  95. There’s an interesting article in the current New Yorker by Joyce Carol Oates, talking about her deceased spouse and their marriage:

    “In our marriage, it was our practice not to share anything that was upsetting, demoralizing, or tedious, unless it was unavoidable. Because so much in a writer’s life can be distressing…it seemed to me a good idea to shield Ray [her husband] from this side of my life as much as I could. For what is the purpose of sharing your misery with another person, except to make that person miserable, too?”

    Like


  96. Vortex

    Roissy-

    What is your contact email? I’d like to discuss some things with you but cannot find a way to email you.

    just post
    your noodz here

    Like


  97. @MYSTERY MEAT

    Joyce Carol Oates sounds like a typical fembot i.e. “my life is miserable because I’m not married to a rockstar who has millions of dollars to lavish on me.” Therefore, I have to protect my poor ol’ dearie hubby from the vicissitudes of this cold, cruel world.

    No, wench. You are a second-rate writer who wishes she made a fraction of what J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter series) makes every month. And you’re a better writer than she is to boot! Sniff, sniff! Where’s the justice, lambchop?

    Women – they’re only happy when they’re miserable.

    Like


  98. Women don’t like confident men, they like men who act according to certain socially-approved fashions, that is, they like insecure men who conform well to these fashions. The most confident men don’t, so they don’t get as many women. That is why the men who get women act according to socially-scripted types (“player,” “hipster,” “artiste,” ) while men who are actually confident and don’t give a shit what women think will predictably not get women. Think Putin, men like that are very confident and women hate them/are scared of them.

    The flipside is that very confident men usually don’t give a shit if they get lots of women because they’re not interested in pursuing status in that sense, they don’t care if insecure men respect them for the number of skrags they bang. That’s why you all do it admit it, it gives you a sense of purpose and status to get these skrags and play ball for them, pathetic.

    Like


  99. @foxy-girlie-man

    You are on crack. Your brain is in the jar on the top shelf.

    Please put it in at your earliest convenience….

    Wait, strike that thought.

    Like


  100. HUXMAN, the truth hurts but the truth is that none of you guys are “confident,” confident men don’t give a shit about hipster fashions, what makes you think you’re “alpha” because you can talk up a skrag in a bar. Girls like men who conform to their expectations, and they fear confident men and socially shun them. Again ask yourself if you think you’re more confident than Putin and then think about which one would have more success with a Western skrag, the really confident man (Putin) or the man who acts according to a social script/plays ball with the girl in a “witty” way (you guys).

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  101. @FOXMAN

    Do you read English?

    See my prior posts above. You’re right – I’m not interested in attracting girls with socially conventional “witty” ways. I ain’t got no time for that bullshit.

    I’m just burning a few hours here at a good job I scored, trying to convinces tools like you that the only “game” you need is a COMPELLING LIFE.

    DO something original, you moronic a*shole. You’ll have plenty of female attention consequently.

    Like


  102. on December 10, 2010 at 4:22 pm The Man Who Was . . .

    There are two parts to game: confidence and social intuition. It is true that there are some incredibly confident men out there who lack social intuition. We’ve all known some incredibly obnoxious nerd who truly believes that he knows everything (Eliezer Yudkowsky, cough, cough) or some schlubby hipster who thinks he is the shit. These guys tend to do decent with women, but not great.

    I wouldn’t put Putin in that category. If we are to judge by his alleged mistress Putin does quite well with women.

    Like


  103. foxyman

    Women don’t like confident men, they like men who act according to certain socially-approved fashions,

    Gee, you sound like a gayguy giving dating advice for neequeers – or some Queer Eye giving a welder fashion tips.

    Can’t wait to see pix of your tuck in.

    Like


  104. @Firepower

    Good call. I think I know where “Foxyman” got his name.

    It’s what he says when he looks in the mirror. (LOL)

    Like


  105. HUXMAN i don’t research your post if you think there’s something I said that’s wrong say what it is. Right now you sound like an idiot, women don’t care if you do something original, and if it is truly original they will shun you for it.

    Like


  106. What you guys mean by “original” is some socially-scripted version of this just like “smart” means wearing thick-rimmed eyeglasses and so on.

    [Editor: You have the stink of troll about you.]

    Like


  107. He’s on to something; just not quite as much as he’d like to be.

    The best women do go for the exceptional man he describes, but they also don’t have much to do with temperaments like the one he demonstrates here.

    The sort of woman he is left with is indeed turned off by the unconventional.

    If you want a good woman who is not, foxy, you’ll have to best the competition, and we’re pretty stiff.

    Like


  108. “Gee, you sound like a gayguy giving dating advice for neequeers – or some Queer Eye giving a welder fashion tips.

    Can’t wait to see pix of your tuck in.”

    Someone points out that “game” is basically Cosmo for men, and immediately gets hit with a code lavender. Lol. Are you a feminist Firepower? You certainly have their “debate” strategies down pat, as your pitful comments here and elsewhere show.

    Keep telling yourselves that setting up your lives around being what women want isn’t giving them power over you, delusion is always good.

    Like


  109. @Legion: There’s nothing more annoying than dipshits who are undeservedly overconfident. The ones who are talentless, who have inflated senses of self-importance, who are oblivious to their mediocrity.

    Proles?

    @old guy: @Walenty

    “I don’t like the idea that I would have to be a fake for the rest of my life for a woman to “love me”. In fact she wouldn’t actually be loving “me” as she would be loving the distorted image I have projected of myself.”

    Women do not love “You”.

    Women do not love “the distorted image I have projected of myself.”

    Women love the distorted image that they create in their mind of you.

    I think I can deal with presenting a somewhat false image to a girl, as long as I have a platonic friend to privately vent to. My dad has one such friend he always goes to the pub with when he visits every coupla months, transpires he does have insecurities but presents a stoic, stable image to my mother and even me. Good old Dad.

    @The Man Who Was…: There are two parts to game: confidence and social intuition. It is true that there are some incredibly confident men out there who lack social intuition. We’ve all known some incredibly obnoxious nerd who truly believes that he knows everything (Eliezer Yudkowsky, cough, cough) or some schlubby hipster who thinks he is the shit. These guys tend to do decent with women, but not great.

    Sounds like my best mate. Massive jester, uses too many obscure references, analogies and puns but barely lets others get in a word edgeways. He leaves people bemused by his combination of wit and lack of etiquette.

    Like


  110. lol

    “Firepower

    Gee, you sound like a gayguy giving dating advice for neerqueers – or some Queer Eye giving a welder fashion tips.

    Can’t wait to see pix of your tuck in.”

    Someone points out that “game” is basically Cosmo for men, and immediately gets hit with a code lavender. Lol. Are you a feminist Firepower? You certainly have their “debate” strategies down pat, as your pitful comments here and elsewhere show.

    you got me: i’m a feminist –i luv pussy

    If you like my “elsewhere” comments, I bequeath you my mantle over the babes at The TearHead.

    maybe you can stop their crying by giving them a handjob in their crib

    Like


  111. I had used “game” when I had to get my wife to bring in some X-rays we needed at the ED I had taken my daugher to for a minor injury. I simply got on the phone and told my wife “Bring the films”.

    Heh heh heh. Collard, you’re an inspiration.

    Like


  112. The writer of 1585, is a politically correct left liberal, but now he has experienced the dark side of the force, he will soon notice that women are primitive and dishonorable compared to men, that blacks are one standard deviation in IQ below whites, and two or three standard deviations worse in criminality and propensity to pay their debts, though about one standard deviation better in style and street smarts, that gays, though about two standard deviations better in style and psychosocial insight, are at least two standard deviations worse in lying, embezzlement, and betrayal.

    Upon noticing these things he will then subsequently discover, to his horror, that Rush Limbaugh is full of amusing insights, and Ayn Rand is a powerful searchlight to expose bullshit, theft, and delusion.

    The writer of 1585 now thinks he is lying all the time, and becoming a boring person – but soon he will discover he is not lying, but practicing inner game, making an effort to be the secure person he appears to be, and that being dreadfully ashamed of whiteness, maleness, and being American was in fact never very funny or entertaining – that is girlfriend did not only leave him for being insuecure, but also because that schtick was never funny in the first place.

    Comedy requires a touch of rebellion, one needs to poke fun at the powerful. The important fat man slipping on a banana skin is a lot funnier than the fat man slipping on a banana skin. The politically correct are the powerful. White males are not, dead white males are not christian white males are not, dead white christian american males are not, so humor targeting them is just grovelling to the powerful, hence just not funny.

    He worries his new self is not entertaining: No problem. Try poking fun at aging highly feminazi divorced lawyers, affirmative action professors who have degrees in authentic blackness, terrorists given high places in government for being “moderate” Muslims – try stealing Rush’s schtick.

    Like


  113. @Cyning

    “My dad has one such friend he always goes to the pub with when he visits every coupla months, transpires he does have insecurities but presents a stoic, stable image to my mother and even me. Good old Dad.”

    That’s the job.

    He’s doin’ it right.

    Like


  114. Comedy requires a touch of rebellion, one needs to poke fun at the powerful.

    Yes, that’s an interesting insight. Another way to frame it is that people as a function of showing deference to authority. If you CAN make people laugh, you are making them look up to you. If you are great at it, you become the authority in that situation. So laughter functions as a two way street as both a guage of and reaction to authority. People will titter around high status guys at banal comments.

    Your point also applies to my frame. An alpha or alpha contender would be careful of his targets. You don’t rise to political power by targeting the common man. If your laughter can serve it’s natural role and function of rising your status, it will serve the role aligning the group against a common annoyance or re-aligning them against a current power.

    Laughter is political.

    Like


  115. […] “The Assange “”"Rape”"”: A Case of Spurned Groupies“, “A Man Stops Saying Insecure Things and Finds Success with Women“, “The Player […]

    Like


  116. “It’s complicated,” give her Skittles and don’t give a f*ck otherwise… yeah, babe, whatever!

    Like


  117. women are instanced by fantasy… and the strongest fantasy of all is the bring the alpha to heel and make him monogamous. implying a dark past with the possibility of redemption will be enormously appealing and challenging for perpetually bored women.

    Like


  118. @JamesADonald, you appear to be at least slightly wrong about the 1585 guy. His “About” page says:

    “The name signifies ‘15% Conservative, 85% Liberal,’ which basically means that we are Liberals who hate P.C.”

    I read some more of his stuff. He is a Liberal yes, but he appears to consider himself one of those Liberals who rips on PC a la Bill Maher or Christopher Hitchens.

    This essay of his certainly isn’t very PC: http://www.the1585.com/1585bodyimage.htm

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  119. Bill Maher is not against PC; he is a liberal and a hypocrite – a synonym.

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  120. @askjoe

    Blame the beta-education program of America…Rom-Com movies where the meek always win out by exposing their innermost fears. One reeking example is the “seduction” of the hottie in Back to College by Rodney’s kid. At least today, Matthew McConeghy wins the girl by being assholish…although too many modern film romantic alphas get the girl by “learning an important lesson about feelings” (even Tucker Max rhymes with goldman sacks)
    >>>

    Actually it’s the combination of the two that is rare
    and a winner in my book.
    With the balance weighing on the sweet side.
    Nice with a slight edge.

    Like


  121. So, do I even internally lie about my mediocre penis? It’s going to be hard to give up the “I have clinical micropenis” jokes.

    Like


  122. @Ubermind

    “If you want to tell if a priest of any religion is a man of God or a liar, you must check whether he has some intuitive understanding about game.”

    Yes and if he has that intuitive understanding of game, it means he’s a liar.

    Like


  123. […] the fundamentals of game recently discussed here at the […]

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  124. @Ubermind … You’re absolutely correct. I went Galt and don’t really have much in the way of material things (except a nice 401k when I reach retirement age) but yet, even as a middle-age guy, I still pull in young women (late-20s and up) without much effort.

    You can catch their attention with the money, but you can’t hold them with it … in fact, they’re likely to destroy you thru divorce, alimony, and child support.

    Like


  125. Great post. I have had similar success this year: 5 top quality bangs and various other miscelaneous ongoing gaming targets and tongue-downs.

    The most recent experience that fits into this post was the other night when I banged a quite cute 29 year old with quite big tits 34C, 5’2″ ass, and a bit stout than your typical Chinese girl, but still a solid 7 but who when I gamed her and got her to my place was the best sex I’ve had all year.

    After banging her for the third time, the shit tests start.

    Her: Do you prefer thinner girls with bigger boobs?

    Me: Huh? Pass me the wine.

    Her; Well? Which do you prefer, thinner girls with bigger boobs?

    Me: What are my options in this? Run through them for me…

    She immediately picks up on my gaming…

    Her: Thin girls with big boobs, or like me, medium girls with big boobs…

    Me: You left out thin girls with small boobs…..that should be an option too…

    And then she laughed and stopped. Shit test passed.

    The old me would have scrambled for some “safe” “nice” way to answer that.

    Of course I banged her two more times.

    This blog has been pure gold.

    Like