Cornered!

I’ve got a very important post up at men’s magazine The Spearhead for my Friday Night Game weekly series. Excerpt:

There are only three things that drain the blood faster from a man’s face than the thought of erectile dysfunction:

  1. When your wife serves you divorce papers.
  2. When you catch your woman fooling around with another man.
  3. When your woman busts you for cheating.

The first two, luckily, haven’t happened to me, but the last one has… multiple times. And from those trials by ovarian fire I have learned a few valuable lessons. I’m here to tell you what to do — or, more precisely, what *not* to do — when your girl jabs the infidelity finger of accusation in your face.

Read about my recommendations for correctly handling a suspicious woman who (justifiably) accuses you of cheating. This is can’t miss information for the man who likes to keep a few on the side.





Comments


  1. She fear emotional lack of attachment. But sure he is happy to rationalize if you keep firmly denying as you state.

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  2. 2 for 3. hmmm. this Internet is a handy thing.

    trials by ovarian fire

    lol

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  3. And that is why investing time in women is worthless..

    They are good for sex, and that is it.
    _____________________________
    DENVER — The mother of the 6-year-old boy once feared missing inside a runaway helium balloon admitted the whole saga was a hoax, according to court documents released Friday.

    Mayumi Heene told sheriff’s deputies that she and her husband Richard “knew all along that Falcon was hiding in the residence” in Fort Collins, according to an affidavit used to get a search warrant for the home.

    Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/23/mayumi-heene-admits-hoax_n_332307.html

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  4. I wasn’t aware that Russian women were any more horny than any other Caucasian women. I am generally not attracted to Russian women. It is rather subtle, but they have a slightly “mannish” look in their facial features that I do not find attractive. Also, the accent turns me off as well.

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  5. Steve Philips should have gotten an escort.

    In my years of buying sex on the cheap to escorts, I have never done it with such an ugly woman.

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  6. tell me tell me what choo say I.
    I dont want choo to leave me though you caught me cheatin
    tell me tell me what choo say I

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  7. Why should a guy not cheat?

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  8. I don’t understand why the three things mentioned would be more frightening than erectile disfunction.

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  9. If you say this fast, it sounds funny (the way it was said to me years ago on the subject of being busted):

    Deny it,
    Admit nothing,
    Demand proof.

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  10. I have been guilty and I have been innocent. The main lesson I have learned is that I cannot lie as well as a woman so it is better for me to deal with questions that never get asked.
    On the other hand, some things are just the cost of being in a particular line of work.
    Buy the ticket; take the ride. Some bleed to death from their wounds and others collect their reward.
    You are going to in thre junglre.

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  11. I’ve had a girl walk in while I was fucking, and many times had girls pounding the door knowing I was in my apartment with another girl.

    Even after the girls met, it made no difference. Those were some of the happiest moments of my life, having the two girls in my room. Sometimes they’d freak huge and catfight, sometimes become friends. Wasn’t boring, that’s for sure.

    I like to set my frame as early as possible. I’m never caught cheating. I’m caught with other girls.

    Rarely will I give the impression of non-monogamy if that’s not what I’m doing. I keep it civil and turn my cell phone off while with a girl, and when I’m with her I’m with her. Even when they find out I’m dating others, that has not ended things. I just stick to my guns and tell them that they can leave me if they want, but I never leave one girl for another. So at least they get some small security that I won’t leave them for the other girl.

    That might not universally work, but it works even when you think it won’t. All you have to do is put up with a tornado of a shit storm shit test.

    Even in romantic monogamous relationships I teasingly bring it into awareness that I will “travel”. Eventually bring it into awareness that I’ll see other girls. And then eventually talk about threesomes. Sex play includes threesome imagery. The frame is never strict monogamy.

    What I do is expected. If I were to miss a date, that would be rude. But not being available is to be expected.

    If I insisted on holding this frame in all relationships, I might miss out on some. But it makes life simpler for me and makes me feel more in charge. Everything’s up front, take it or leave it. And when they can’t bring themselves to leave it, whose fault is that?

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  12. I’m forever grateful for this advice. Just when I need it.

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  13. on October 24, 2009 at 8:07 am msexceptiontotherule

    Sometimes, it seems like my life would be so much easier if I could just gouge my eyes out since it’s already something I’ve accepted about myself as having a habit of hanging out to check out trainwrecks and staying there until even the cleanup crew is done and taking down the road-blocks and the ambulances left hours ago.

    But due to the fact that I’ve already promised someone I’d gnaw as many limbs off as needed to escape even if it means dragging myself with the side of my head just to die somewhere of my own choosing…..

    Couldn’t it just – and I know it’s really expecting a lot of someone – matter enough to keep your dick out of other pussy when you’re with someone that you’d like to have in your life longer than a year plus one month?

    If it were something that was understood as being in a casual dating arrangement, or you weren’t with anyone in particular and felt like banging a different girl every night you could find one you liked ‘well-enough’ – have at it, if that’s your thing then feel free (and make sure you always – ALWAYS – can find a condom somehow, even if it means rock paper scissors with someone else over the very last one in a 50 mile radius and you’re on foot). It’s not gonna be fun should you catch something that will never go away and antibiotics won’t fix – HIV/AIDS kills, but herpes is forever and while it shortens your overall lifespan, it doesn’t kill you.

    If you’re with someone and it’s a person you want to stick around for a length of time yet to be determined – you may have to sacrifice something for that to continue to be there. If it’s the one so you can have many others, your choice to make. Regardless of what anyone, including myself, think about men who would – which I won’t get into since it doesn’t matter.

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  14. on October 24, 2009 at 8:34 am gunslingergregi

    ””””Couldn’t it just – and I know it’s really expecting a lot of someone – matter enough to keep your dick out of other pussy when you’re with someone that you’d like to have in your life longer than a year plus one month? ”””””’

    Couldn’t it just – and I know it’s really expecting a lot of someone – To love unconditionaly and laugh and love together through the trials and challenges and tribulations and joys and sorrows and ups and downs and learning and tears and craziness and saneness and the calm and the storms and experimentation through life.

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  15. Eric S. Raymond:

    “I fear feminism may be dangerously wrong.”

    We are turning the corner, boys.

    http://esr.ibiblio.org/?p=1337

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  16. on October 24, 2009 at 10:20 am msexceptiontotherule

    gunz: game.set.-

    ok fine. match.

    But next time you have to pretend to lose so I can win. Even though we both know it’s a setup, why care when in the end…we’re both happy?

    Unless you don’t want me to be happy. You DO want me to be happy right?
    (sorry, trying to channel some dead feminist who was killed by her completely out-of-his-mind-thanks-to-her crazy beta bf/fiance/husband/ex-husband who was so broken that no one else wanted him so he had to beg her for bootycalls which she allowed only once every three months. My apologies. Don’t know what came over me.)

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  17. on October 24, 2009 at 11:29 am gunslingergregi

    “basks in the rays of sunshine”

    “decides not to post response so as to seem more aloof and cool”

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  18. on October 24, 2009 at 11:37 am gunslingergregi

    Seriously though we both need to win.

    he he he

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  19. on October 24, 2009 at 12:34 pm msexceptiontotherule

    Gunz: well, we can always take up Japanese daishō nihontō and run around kicking ass-taking names, but I’m not the kind of girl who would do that with someone she only recently started to stalk. 😉

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  20. on October 24, 2009 at 12:42 pm gunslingergregi

    I am a patient man and do not think in terms of mere days,months,decades,centuries.

    Except when I get the hero urges but even then that is my century thinking kicking in.

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  21. on October 24, 2009 at 1:00 pm gunslingergregi

    Course we could get together and I could promise to keep it to a level of tenderness, cuddling without even attempting to compromise any level of your purity and just show you some human kindness through touch in your moment of need and let you win that way.

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  22. This post on http://alpha-status.blogspot.com/2009/09/any-asshole-can-chase-skirt.html talks about the author Charles Bukowski and how he deals with infidelity. With bluntness.

    That’s more my style as well. It fits more comfortably with my sense of inner truth seeking, as well as confidence as a man. And I’ve found that on the whole I gain more power in the relationship that I lose.

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  23. than I lose. Gain more power by being blunt that by giving impressions that give temporary gain.

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  24. Another interesting concept from that blog, that of status trading
    http://alpha-status.blogspot.com/2009/08/status-trading.html#comments .

    Seems to me that lying about the nature of the relationship to maintain sex is status trading – you lower your own status in return for the favor of sex. Only if you were higher status could you afford to be honest about it, and being caught out in the lie will severely lower your status.

    I haven’t worked out the details, but it’s obviously a short term strategy to lie with the long term effect of lowering your status, both in that relationship and socially.

    Better if you can pull a Bukowski.

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  25. on October 24, 2009 at 1:58 pm msexceptiontotherule

    gunslingergregi :
    “I am a patient man and do not think in terms of mere days,months,decades,centuries.

    Except when I get the hero urges but even then that is my century thinking kicking in.”

    How do you feel about killing sprees using ninja skills and samurai swords but the victims are all rapists, child molesters, and people who have to be reminded not to shoot guns into the air or to not stick their tongues out to lick frozen metal poles?

    …”Course we could get together and I could promise to keep it to a level of tenderness, cuddling without even attempting to compromise any level of your purity and just show you some human kindness through touch in your moment of need and let you win that way”

    You wouldn’t respect me in the morning, that’s not a win-win. Besides, you’d probably try to get freakyfreaky anyway, no matter what you say trying to lure me in..I am not gonna fall for the “Hey little girl, I’m a friend of your mom’s, she asked me to drive you home/can you help me find my lost puppy/I promise, you won’t feel a thing and I’ll take it right out stuff. 😉 I might be persuaded with candy though, depending on what it is, your wife signs a permission slip, and what I’m going to be persuaded to do.

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  26. on October 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm gunslingergregi

    The ninja thing sounds good and I’m still laughing.

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  27. on October 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm gunslingergregi

    I do happen to have this pack of rollos in my hand right now. These are pretty good you should try one.

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  28. on October 24, 2009 at 2:44 pm signal to noise

    msexceptiontotherule and gunslingergregi:

    Try to see yourselves the way others on the forum see you two.

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  29. on October 24, 2009 at 2:48 pm gunslingergregi

    I think we are ok thanks though.

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  30. on October 24, 2009 at 2:54 pm gunslingergregi

    Maybe a little out of control but isn’t that the point.

    Second thought maybe you could bring us some drinks std non alchoholic please.

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  31. This is excellent advice. I’ve been caught a few times myself and done things the wrong way and the right way. Roissy is correct. The first reaction is key because more often than not, the accusation is a shit test to see how you react. So be slow and deliberate but confident in your response. If a chick digs you, she will take whatever plausible deniability she gets and rationalize that you are still faithful if she wants it to be so.

    BTW, Ukrainian women are hotter than Russian women, Russians even say so. Ukrainian women are the hottest women on the planet.

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  32. Never give ur girlfriend your e-mail password, shit can be discovered in there. No matter how much you deny, if the other girl gives you proof of your misbehaviour, then you stand there like donkey,,,

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  33. What a good friend that Zeets is to always be at the ready to document “The Adventures of Roissy.”

    LOL!

    What an awesome pic!

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  34. Those were some of the happiest moments of my life, having the two girls in my room. Sometimes they’d freak huge and catfight, sometimes become friends. Wasn’t boring, that’s for sure.

    And the fellas here say women are drama queens…

    Speaking strictly for me, I’d rather not be lied to in this kind of situation. Lies about fidelity from a “significant other” lead one to misunderstand the nature of the relationship.

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  35. Speaking strictly for me, I’d rather not be lied to in this kind of situation. Lies about fidelity from a “significant other” lead one to misunderstand the nature of the relationship.

    A source of continual surprise for me is how little lies are needed.

    At first us men think we need to maintain some illusion of what passes for what a girl expects, less by not holding up our end of the illusory bargain, we don’t get what we are bargaining for.

    Many times I’ve found that that whole frame is a choice, not a bargain at all. Women don’t leave because of other women. At least not straight away.

    What is a problem is being two faced and putting yourself in a situation where not apologizing causes her loss of face.

    Being upfront and unappolagetic works. Even if it means physically carrying the girl out of your apartment in order to go out on a date.

    It’s weird. You’d expect things would go smoother if you had your buddy come down and make bullshit excuses about an emergency with a friend, to get the girl to leave. (I’ve done that one also). Ya, that does make things go smoother. But physically carrying the girl out with no explanation of what you are doing that night other than you are busy is very strangely not a deal breaker.

    You get all the advantages of being physically dominant, holding your ground on an issue, setting the frame (by force), being wanted by other women. And she comes off as being the needy drama queen. It’s win win, because now she has a real man dating her. A cave man. A challenge.

    It’s amazing the shit a man can get away with.

    Mollycoddling is an easy out, but it is surprising how little of that is actually necessary, and how much of it is just in our heads because we have always taken the women’s perspective on things and given power over to them. Taken their frame as THE frame. Internalized the fem-centric frame.

    Usually, the only fallout from not mollycoddling is an increase in drama.

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  36. Think in terms of push and pull. If you’ve already established some pull, you can push. If you are into the girl and have some chemistry, the both of you will know it.

    Standing your ground is attractive – even if it’s over something that she claims pushes her away. This part is the part that’s hard to understand – I think the only way to understand it is in the body, by doing it several times. Unappolagetically, and without thinking any silly thoughts that this affects the relationship. What she does with “the relationship” is her choice.

    And the other thing that must be felt in the body is how cathartic the drama is for girls. That the roller coaster of emotion is addicting to them. You’d think they’d run for the hills from it, but they are intrigued and will knock on your door the next day.

    Push and pull can be more than subtle. It can be over the top broadway. If you want to hold your ground on a subject as touchy to women as infidelity, then you’ve got to be able to be a master dramatician, and enjoy it. You have to be able to enjoy drama.

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  37. A reason a lot of us initially suck with women is our innate tendancy to avoid drama.

    A reason the male can become better at game than women and beat the woman on her own turf, is that in the end we can out-maneuver her dramatically, using the skill of our superior intellect.

    Step one is learning to enjoy the drama, rather than flee from it.

    They think they can always win by bringing up drama. Little do they know they are setting themselves up in their own trap.

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  38. By trying to control you with drama, they get ensnared in their own trap, and become puppetted by their own spider web strings.

    Addicted to the drama you provide them, intrigued at your elusiveness, and increadingly bound and bonded, drama becomes not the woman’s major weapon, but her downfall.

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  39. Xsplat-more good advice and observations. Once you learn to view drama in the same light as a child’s temper tantrum by not getting sucked into it, you will be in charge. Mild amusement works best for me.

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  40. Roissy,

    I know your helping out friends, but your better than the spearhead. It’s really almost an uninetionally self parodying web site. And it’s not a “magazine” either.

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  41. Addicted to the drama you provide them, intrigued at your elusiveness, and increadingly bound and bonded, drama becomes not the woman’s major weapon, but her downfall.

    x-splat, I don’t think this approach is a good idea either. It’s a recipe for the fatal-attraction type of relationship. While most women won’t end up threatening a man with death or suicide when disappointed in love, they can make his life miserable in many small but painful and embarrassing ways. The reason I suggested that a man should tell the truth about his intentions is that in the end it can help a man to AVOID drama, and not have to use it as a weapon against the women in his life.

    Of course, this kind of truth-telling will ensure that a certain type of woman will try to avoid you – the kind of woman who really is looking for an “LRT” and doesn’t want a casual fling. I suspect that one of the reasons Roissy finds himself in the kind of situation he describes above is that he is generally more attracted to women who possess some level of emotional and even sexual innocence. Such women, looking for love rather than sex alone, will shy away from becoming part of a stable of women if they can help it. The only way to nab them is to misrepresent onesself from the start by implicitly or explicitly promising fidelity.

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  42. Aliasco

    I suspect that one of the reasons Roissy finds himself in the kind of situation he describes above is that he is generally more attracted to women who possess some level of emotional and even sexual innocence. Such women, looking for love rather than sex alone, will shy away from becoming part of a stable of women if they can help it. The only way to nab them is to misrepresent onesself from the start by implicitly or explicitly promising fidelity.

    The one time I was non-monogamous and lied about it was with a 19 year old previously virgin girl. But for the most part, women looking for love and not sex will allow for shockingly more than they either let on or even personally know. You can test the boundaries and then instead of boundaries being broken, they merely become re-defined.

    The women would never admit it, because they don’t even know.

    The man having more than one is not just for a certain kind of girl. It’s a ubiquitous situation with all kinds of girls.

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  43. Just goggled in there saw your web site there according to me it is really a nice article,i really like the content very much.The topics which has been discussed here are also really nice.

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  44. If you’re going to cheat, you owe it to all the women involved to lie WELL to them. There are few things women hate more than poorly executed lies; there are few things women respect more than men who are able to lie adroitly.

    Women expect alphas to cheat. All they want is for you to respect them enough to lie to them convincingly.

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