Evil Baby Shower

I got roped into a baby shower for an acquaintance. I’d never been to one of these seminal events, though I’ve heard about them. It was as bad as I imagined, maybe worse. Between the pink ribbon-wrapped gifts, blankies, snugglies, baby bouncies, belly-rubbing, earnest discussions of contractions and labor, and torrents of sympathy sludge, I felt like I would suffocate on the maternally estrogenic fumes.

GIMME BOOB MILK!

GIMME BOOB MILK!

I saved my mental health by fantasizing what it would be like to make gentle love to a third trimester pregnant woman. This is a mountain I’ve yet to climb. It couldn’t be any more challenging than this. Or this.

The best gift by far was two small jewelry boxes. One was engraved with the words “My First Tooth” and the other with “My First Hair Curl”. This was a great gift because it put a smile on my face as I pondered the milestones that a bunch of my own engraved jewelry boxes filled with mementos of my past conquests would have celebrated.

“My First Forgotten Panty” — It’s pleasantly surprising waking up the next morning, after she has left in her drunken state, to stumble across her panties lying on the floor that she forgot to put on. *sniiiiiff*

“My First Hidden Video” — You never know, she could become famous. And you’ll need masturbation material for when you’re 80. Watching yourself fuck your girl in the bloom of youth >>>> internet porn.

“My First Period Fuck” — Put that bloody used condom or red-stained towel in the box, champ! You’ve earned it.

“My First Threesome” — See: “My First Hidden Video”.

“My First Close Call” — In here you put the abortion clinic receipt.

“My First Anal” — Awkward. You don’t want anything smelly in your box. An audio recording of her yelping in pain is acceptable.

“My First Russian Anal” — An audio recording of her yelping in pain in Russian. (It sounds like this: “Aye, aye aye, Ee ee yi yi yi!”. Music to my ears.)

“My First Raw Dog” — Take an after photo of your cock crusted in dried vaj juice.

“My First Facial” — Tough one to document. Wipe her face with a towel to capture the jizz and makeup in a Turin Shroud-like imprint. Put in box and pray to nightly for the blessings of future facials.

“My First Virgin” — See: My First Period Fuck. You might need a biohazard hymen container for this one.

“My First Fat Chick” — Empty.

“My First Psycho Bitch” — Restraining order.

“My First DC Lawyer Chick” — One silver bullet.

“My First Bartender” — STD fact sheet.

“My First Cunnilingus” — One gnarly pube.

Darwinianly-speaking, women huddle like pinkiron midwives around the expectant QB mother to fulfill a deeply subconscious group coherence bonding mechanism that works to assist the tribe raise its young. Since most women are going to get pregnant at some point in their lives they don’t worry about exerting effort helping out another woman’s child. Men don’t have the luxury to waste resources like this; they could easily lose out on the chance to pass on their genes if they spent time and money on a rival’s kid.

I walked out of that baby shower feeling grateful for being a man.





Comments


  1. Men are not supposed to partake in baby or bridal showers. That’s the tradition imparted to me by my elders so what the fuck were you doing there?

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  2. If there’s one thing I didn’t think I would ever hear it’s Roissy went to a baby shower.

    Even I’ve managed to avoid any.

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  3. I can only assume that our civilizational decline and feminist overwash is even worse than I already knew.

    In all my years I’ve never been successfully roped into a baby shower. Felt obligated to forward a present is another matter of course, but that’s getting off easy.

    Though actually in my experience men aren’t / weren’t even expected at these things. When coupled or married, there’s the pro forma joint invite but the guy doesn’t show up. When did THAT change??? Did it? Jeeessshhh. Men let THAAAAAAT happen?

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  4. Men are not supposed to partake in baby or bridal showers. That’s the tradition imparted to me by my elders so what the fuck were you doing there?

    This is a growing trend in our gender-neutral (when convenient to women) society: men being invited to baby showers. I’ve been invited to my second baby shower this year.

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  5. I’m going to my wife’s friend’s baby shower this month. Not too long after, we shall be hosting one for Mrs. PA.

    Since the attending parties will gather from a couple of nearby states, the husbands have already planned a get shitfaced drunk on both occassions, with sleeping arrangements taken care of. The women will have their own fun, without us.

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  6. But was it a good pickup environment? Womens defenses must have been down.

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  7. “My First Facial” — Tough one to document. Wipe her face with a towel to capture the jizz and makeup in a Turin Shroud-like imprint. Put in box and pray to nightly for the blessings of future facials.

    Classic.

    BTW, no woman I know would want a man at her baby shower.

    I think this is an anglo thing, but would be curious to hear from chic and/or hope what they have experienced.

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  8. ok, before everyone assumes i went to this because i wanted to, i *had* to go since it was for a coworker and higher ups were in attendance. not going would have precipitated greater negative fallout than the brief suffering of sitting through it with a congenial smile on my face.

    i would never attend a baby shower of my own volition if there weren’t some personal advantage to be had.

    anyhow, the cake was tasty.

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  9. Umm guys —

    What happened to:

    *Just say no.*

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  10. Baby showers sound like excellent pick-up opportunities if there are single women present. Never underestimate a lonely woman’s dejection when around an expectant young mother.

    Then again, the cloud of maternal estrogen that clamps all women into an inpenetrable mystic circle might make the environment quite unsexy to all parties.

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  11. Yes, it’s evil. Very evil. I remember going to a baby shower for the friend of my then-girlfriend. “It’ll be a good time. More like a regular party than you think.” my girlfriend says. WRONG. With the exception of the two gay guys, all the guys there looked about as uncomfortable as someone with eels in their pants. The ultimate humiliation had to be the “cutsie contests” the women had arranged for the men, to allegedly “see who’s the best father”. This included a race to see who could put a cloth diaper on a doll the fastest. Since my girlfriend and I were one of two couples there who weren’t married and didn’t have kids, I managed to get out of that torture. Oh, it was a sight to behold. We left in an hour.

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  12. i *had* to go since it was for a coworker and higher ups were in attendance. not going would have precipitated greater negative fallout than the brief suffering of sitting through it with a congenial smile on my face.

    Yuuuup. That confirms it.

    The civilizational decline and feminist overwash IS WORSE than even I had known.

    Whoooooooo.

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  13. As far as I know (from childhood), there is no such thing as a baby shower, bridal shower, or female-only parties in Asian cultures. All celebrations of major life events are done after or during the fact (weddings, birthdays, etc.), not before. So no party while the woman is still pregnant. But if there is a party, men are usually present. Celebrations are usually held by or in honor of the male head of the household.

    All celebrations involve parents, relatives and members of the family. Family is much more important in Asian cultures than friends or coworkers. Even the language itself is more nuanced, with distinctly different titles for maternal grandparents vs. paternal grandparents, maternal uncles/aunts vs. paternal uncles/aunts, maternal cousins (distinction between male/female cousins) and paternal ones, etc.

    The one-child policy will probably affect that, but exactly how is yet unknown.

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  14. “My First Cunnilingus” — One gnarly pube.

    Wouldn’t this be tragically obsolete?

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  15. T. AKA Ricky Raw —

    This is a growing trend in our gender-neutral (when convenient to women) society: men being invited to baby showers. I’ve been invited to my second baby shower this year.

    Is this not a bridge to far. Can we not draw the line?

    Men, circle the wagons. Refuse, politely, but firmly as a matter of principle.

    Affirm that you are not in fact a child bearing human and not in fact gender neutral in matters bearing upon reproduction!!!!

    Arise!!!! Arise!!! Men of America Arise!!!

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  16. i would never attend a baby shower of my own volition if there weren’t some personal advantage to be had.

    plus, it gave me material for a blog post.

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  17. The superior in question couldn’t have been a man, since a man wouldn’t have made him go. Ah, to see Roissy sadly supplicating an older female co-worker. So sad.

    Thank God in my industry, everyone’s a man.

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  18. ok, before everyone assumes i went to this because i wanted to, i *had* to go since it was for a coworker and higher ups were in attendance.

    Damn. Now that just plain sucks. Can’t our culture let men keep at least a little bit of their dignity?!

    BTW, no woman I know would want a man at her baby shower.

    QT, that’s because you’re Latin right? Yeah, its an anglo thing alright.

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  19. I’ve been in the situation roissy describes; the social stigma of not showing up is not worth it. Grin and bear it and play games on your Blackberry/iPhone. Pretend like you are reading important emails.

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  20. The superior in question couldn’t have been a man, since a man wouldn’t have made him go.

    sadly, but perhaps unsurprisingly, there were other men in attendance.

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  21. DF —

    Yeah, its an anglo thing alright.

    No.

    It’s a feminized feminist raised gen Y anglo thing, I guess. *Shudder.*

    I think it’s still spotty. Have you gen Y guys no shame?

    There’s still time to stem this horrid overwash.

    Arise!!! Arise!!! Feminized gen Y guys arise!!!

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  22. dude… fuck that noise

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  23. Despite being Gen Y, I agree w/ dougjnn. It would take extreme measures to get me to go to a baby shower.

    I was horrified to read on Wikipedia that not only “However, in recent times, men are also starting to participate in a couples baby showers.” but also “many people choose to have baby showers for both parents, and some people have a men-only shower.”

    WTF???

    More generally, I hate nearly all forms of gift-giving. Just give me cash…

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  24. DF – yes, I am. While there would be several generations of women there, including teenage girls and grandmas, there are usually no men there. Unless the husband of the host is outside grilling. And even then, he would have one of HIS male relatives with him, and as soon as they ate a plate of food, they would be out.tha.door. They would not mingle and certainly NOT take part in any “contests” or games.

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  25. Baby showers, like Christmas gifting orgies and tux rentals for 25 ushers at weddings, is made up by big corporations, who want to get people to spend money on crap.

    In personal situations, men should definitely not atted baby showers, unless your cultural background is such that men are part of this. If not, then yes, drive your wife to one, pay for the stuff if you’er hosting one, but steer your XY Chromosome asses clear of the main event.

    The line between men and women must be drawn on some occassions, and this is one of those. The Mystic Circle of Estrogen Rite has its puropse, and we’re better off to stay away from it.

    I can see how in a work setting a man might attend one, if there is institutional pressure. With Mandatory Team Spirit Events that various companies encourage, it’s just good form to be where you’re expected to be.

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  26. on October 1, 2008 at 5:43 pm Peregrine John

    The ultimate humiliation had to be the “cutsie contests”… We left in an hour.

    Absolutely the correct response. I’ve actually been to 2 baby showers, but they were for women who have a grip and aren’t into dipshit games. The events were both fairly boring, but less than horrible. The cake sucked, but I got laid afterward. Net positive.

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  27. Incidentally, that baby picture has been all over the net. The funniest caption I’ve seen with it is, “Get to the CHOPPER!!!!”

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  28. Arise!!! Arise!!! Feminized gen Y guys arise!!!

    I think there is a bumper sticker possibility here….I’d buy one for sure.

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  29. I fled the house the day my wife had her “baby shower”. I love her (and the nipper) dearly, but the thought of all the oestrogen and girl talk was enough.

    I am surprised that Roissy did not draw a line here. My experience is that women regard men who attend these functions as being gay or low status betas.

    What next, tagging along to the hairdresser?

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  30. It was one of my longtime male friends that invited me to the upcoming baby shower. A MAN!! It’s that bad now…

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  31. Hmm…this is a most interesting development in the Chronicles of Roissy. Perhaps a Sign of things to come…?

    Salaam
    Mu

    PS: btw Roissy, you can have the whole Tampan action. That’s where I gots to draw the line. Mu don’t get down like that *shivers*

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  32. show of support for expectant mother—–>baby shower
    show of support for expectant father——-> ????????

    I have mixed feelings of sadness/relief when coworkers substitute for friends and family.

    The ambiance with aunts, grandmothers, female cousins in attendance is intimate, supportive, and even spiritual.
    The ambiance with coworkers, including men, is jokey.

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  33. I realize this all very quickly gets rather or very political. Political in the office. That’s a no no, isn’t it? Who’s doing that? Shouldn’t they be called on it, those girls? I’m completely serious.

    To say in an office where many or most young guys have started to go to baby showers for co-workers — “sorry, I don’t do baby showers” — is almost tantamount with saying “sorry, I’m just not that gender neutral. I’m just not a rock solid feminist.” Oh horrors. Except it can be, office politics wise, I realize. Doesn’t that deserve frontal assault? Isn’t that like coercing everyone into wishing Merry Christmas instead of if they prefer “happy holidays”?

    Why is it ok for preggers females and their feminist girlfriends to in effect coerce male declarations of feminist gender neutral infant interest, care and support?

    What, is this male coworker also supposed to be cheerfully ready to do part of the young mother’s work for her when she does come back to work full time, only not really? “Someone” has to pick up her slack while she’s doing heavy child phone care and has to leave for endless “emergencies”, and can absolutely never pitch in and stay late. Everyone can pretend it’s full full time, or “close enough”, right? Of course all right thinking males will be eager to show their full feminist support for the young mother’s “full time” work. You males can start your declarations of support by showing up at your co-workers baby shower, cheerfully.

    Yeah I know from the feminist female point of view roping reluctant men into going to their baby showers is “just a little gentle consciousness raising” and their symbolic whole village gender neutral support for infant care. After all, infants should be just as much a male thing, right?

    Well guess what? I have no intention of declaring myself ready to equally participate in the infant raising thing. No way no how.

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  34. The best gift by far was two small jewelry boxes. One was engraved with the words “My First Tooth” and the other with “My First Hair Curl”.

    I really hope that wasn’t truly the best gift there – those sets can be had your local Things Remembered for $15.

    http://www.thingsremembered.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10001_9951_477251_-1_1?fcref=

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  35. dougjnn – I think the office baby shower concept is very inappropriate. A baby shower should be held in someone’s private domicile, not in the office break room. I think it speaks to a general breakdown in etiquette and manners in our society – basically, people asking for gifts. It is beyond tacky.

    As for any work-related functions – I go to them when required, I make an appearance, and I leave. Often, it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission…

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  36. I’ve never been to a baby shower. Men are exempt from those things, I thought.

    Anyway, it’s a lousy tradition, like bachelorette parties. Just another one of those mindless gift giving parties.

    But sex with a 3rd trimester woman? You do know that babies move around in there and you can see it clearly, and that is too freakin’ weird for me. Also, sex releases oxytocin, which can induce labor. You want to have to pull your pants up and drive in terror to the hospital with a screaming woman next to you and then spend all night in the maternity ward listening to screams and babies being born up and down the hall?

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  37. I think in general the boundaries between personal and professional are becoming too blurred at the office. Too many birthday parties in the cafeteria, too many collections for someone’s birthday, baby shower, job departure etc. and the scorn that goes along with not chipping in. Ugh.

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  38. on October 1, 2008 at 6:53 pm Usually Lurking

    Most girls I have known have said outright that they did not even want a Baby Shower, but that they had one anyway to placate their mothers or some other Hen in the house.

    However, they don’t seem to mind getting them at work since they are in and out within an hour.

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  39. I’m anglo and I would feel VERY uncomfortable with men being at a baby shower. Honestly! Some things are about female bonding and this is one of them. This is why it pissed me off when my best friend’s fiance wanted to
    a) come to her bridal shower
    b) come shopping for her wedding dress
    c) come to the bridal expos

    – cause it’s his wedding too!

    Oh, and his sister suggested that instead of seperate parties we should have a combined bucks/hens party.

    PLEASE! Can’t women just do women’s things and men do men’s things without having to be all PC about it?

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  40. On facial documentation:

    Wasn’t the Polaroid invented in, like, the 50s?

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  41. “My First Fat Chick” = refrigerator box

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  42. PLEASE! Can’t women just do women’s things and men do men’s things without having to be all PC about it?

    No, that would make the average person happy.

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  43. “ok, before everyone assumes i went to this because i wanted to, i *had* to go since it was for a coworker and higher ups were in attendance.”

    Yet another disadvantage to the corporate lifestyle.

    – MPM

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  44. anyhow, the cake was tasty.

    plus, it gave me material for a blog post.

    Excuses, excuses. A real man might get away with dropping in for 5 minutes at his sister’s baby shower, but even that is pushing it. 😉

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  45. Hmm. Well, I have to agree with Doug’s overall assessment. And I have not nor would not, attend any such event. I’m in agreement w/Aussiegirl, there are some things that should not be mingled among the sexes. Baby Showers are for women. Period.

    Having said that though, and keeping with a theme some of us have been developing, it occurs to me that there is no kind of way to usher men into fatherhood, something that is on the ropes in our time. Aside from the anecdotal passing around of cigars, guys don’t have much else to show em the ropes. They kinda have to figure it out on their own.

    I’m wondering what Doug and others have to say about this.

    Comments?

    Salaam
    Mu

    PS: and, fellas, how many of you would have sex w/a woman while she was on her monthly?:( *Mu grimaces*

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  46. As a single woman, Pupu finds baby showers boring too. The trouble is that it is less acceptable for a gal to say no to such an occasion.

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  47. p.s. there is some thing Pupu loves about a baby shower — Figure Sandwiches!

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  48. sorry, *Finger* Sandwiches

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  49. i concur, pupu.

    baby showers are wasted on babies. they’d much rather receive a barrage of presents later, like when they’re 18.

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  50. “Men are not supposed to partake in baby or bridal showers. That’s the tradition imparted to me by my elders so what the fuck were you doing there?”

    When I was younger (about 20 years ago) I went to one these stupid things (a wedding shower I think it was, actually). I told my g/f I would meet her there, so I showed up about 30 minutes late, with one of my buddies and a 12 pack of beer. Everybody was acting ever-so-proper, like they had a stick up their ass, and then someone suggested we play some dumb board game. One of the game’s questions was “have you ever had to be restrained during sex?” I muttered “yeah, but only by the arresting officer” or something like that, which elicited lotsa laughs and guffaws, phony distaste from the gals (“can you believe he said that?”), and a pissed off look from the g/f, so no sex for me that afternoon. Oh well…but no loss, since we broke up soon after that. For some strange reason though, several of her girlfriends expressed an interest in sleeping with me after that.

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  51. I got roped into a baby shower for a coworker

    A real man doesn’t get “roped” into things. He makes decisions. I’d question why they invited you in the first place.

    ok, before everyone assumes i went to this because i wanted to, i *had* to go …..

    Roissy, you are a total wimp and brown noser. There was a choice in going. There is always a choice. You chose to go limp and attend something you were not the least bit excited about because you don’t have the balls to say no. You just proved yourself to be a flaccid excuse of a man. In my humble, lazy, retarded opinion of course. Nothing personal!

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  52. finefantastic, totally!

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  53. “My First Hidden Video”
    I really hope you were just talking smack. If you did something like this, you are below trash.

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  54. QT, the American baby showers I’ve attended are usually female only affairs until recent times. Now it’s more common to see men at American baby showers, but they are often outnumbered by women.

    I have attended a few African baby showers, they differ a bit from the American version. They are done some time (3 months usu) after the baby is born. I’ve seen both sexes at African baby showers.

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  55. 53 chicnoir

    I could not agree more.

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  56. *I concur*

    *totally*

    *what she said*

    *I could not agree more*

    *I’ll cosign that*

    Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.

    The universal sound of endless female chorusing.

    Girl opinion gathering and coalescing matter much? So reflexive it’s almost involuntary, you think? Spend talk time doing it much?

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  57. PS

    Don’t mean you all ain’t cute when you’re busy doin’ it sometimes. 🙂

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  58. David Alexander’s rule for female friends:

    one male + one female = fun time
    one male + two females = questionable
    one male + more females = hellhole

    David Alexander doesn’t do bridal or baby showers unless other males are there and alternate activities are provided. It’s boring as fuck and uber-awkward.

    I think in general the boundaries between personal and professional are becoming too blurred at the office.

    Some would argue because we spend so much time at work, our professional lives have absorbed much of our formerly personal time.

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  59. Doug,

    Go go go said the bird: humankind cannot bear very much reality 🙂

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  60. dougjnn- what’s so wrong with agreeing with someone. We don’t always agree here. Sometimes we see things differently and we debate or argue about them like you do.

    I find it telling how some of the men here bitch and moan about women not being women anymore. Yet ostracize or berate women for displaying characteristics, which are decidedly female.

    As Sara said yesterday, most women don’t feel the urge to fuss and fight all the time, nor do we extract the same type of joy out of that type behavior that men do.

    My good man, women are not men.

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  61. DA saidSome would argue because we spend so much time at work, our professional lives have absorbed much of our formerly personal time.

    Very true
    Our employers want us to think of our coworkers as an extended family because it makes things better for them and so we won’t realize that our work/jobs or careers have been our true spouse.

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  62. Chicnoir —

    I find it telling how some of the men here bitch and moan about women not being women anymore. Yet ostracize or berate women for displaying characteristics, which are decidedly female.

    There, there chic. I didn’t berate much less ostracize you girls, really I didn’t. I just had me a bit of wry fun. Did you miss the part about you all being cute when you busied yourselves with female chirp chorusing?

    Come, come chic. Come get your kiss.

    Better now cutie?

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  63. There, there chic

    dougjnn, I am not upset with you. There is still affection in my hear for you.

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  64. 51 Sara I

    Roissy, you are a total wimp and brown noser. There was a choice in going. There is always a choice. You chose to go limp and attend something you were not the least bit excited about because you don’t have the balls to say no. You just proved yourself to be a flaccid excuse of a man. In my humble, lazy, retarded opinion of course. Nothing personal!

    In fairness, the workplace rewards “beta” behavior. Plenty have observed that, if everyone acts like an “alpha” at work, you end up with a Third World economy.

    That said… ugh. I have to guess that if Roissy had played his cards better, he could have avoided this without any significant consequence.

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  65. 60: Chic

    I find it telling how some of the men here bitch and moan about women not being women anymore. Yet ostracize or berate women for displaying characteristics, which are decidedly female.

    You make a good point Chic. I think it was Czar who wisely said in another thread that most betas stay betas because they continue to hold women in contempt even after they understand female psychology more accurately.

    One’s dealings with women go a whole hell of a lot more smoothly when one looks at them as naive children. Occassionaly in need of some gentle discipline.

    Works for me, anyway.

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  66. Tupac I won’t argue with your point.

    One’s dealings with women go a whole hell of a lot more smoothly when one looks at them as naive children. Occassionaly in need of some gentle discipline.

    Works for me, anyway

    I say the same thing about men

    + they need to feel important and feel that you(female) value their time and company.

    and it works for me too.

    even with male pets

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  67. DoJ 65 —

    I have to guess that if Roissy had played his cards better, he could have avoided this without any significant consequence.

    The fact is that Roissy is a whole lot more focused on getting laid often, easily and well including sometimes by clear feminists, than he is on overturning or beating back the feminist world order that is smothering us all, like some enormous blamange.

    One has to pick one’s battles. One can imagine scenarios in which if the shower were in office, and the immediate circle of male coworker attendance level was expected to be universal, that it would be difficult to completely slither out of going without making an issue of it. Making an issue might be helpful if there were a movement, but since there really isn’t yet, it might just be futile and at least a little costly. Then again if those things weren’t so true I wouldn’t go.

    If it was out of the office I’d almost certainly not go. If there were any contingent of men not going, I’d be increasing that contingent. If I could readily organize a non attending contingent I would — lightheartedly

    If it was in house I’d make my attendance perfunctory and brief. First the gift I would give would have zero thought attached to it. She’s trolling for gifts in part
    and since so far as I’m concerned they should only be from her girlfriends, she’s not going to get a thoughtful gift from me, only a not cheap one. So I’d give her a mid range check. Underscores the crassness of it all, particularly in extending it beyond her enthusiastic girlfriends.

    Second, I’d stick my head in only. Stay for five minutes tops, then check my cell, notice “a text message”, and take leave making clearly perfunctory apologies. I would not try to hide the message that I didn’t want to be there and was using any excuse to leave. I’d be joking, light and playful about it though, rather than resentful. E.g.: OH LOOK! A TEXT!! I’m being CALLED AWAY!! Imagine that!! What were the ODDS??!!

    My mindset would be it’s really rather ridiculous that you all wanted me to be at this clearly female affair, so I’m out of here, have fun girls!

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  68. Tupac Chopra 66–

    How would you describe dougjnn 62 — and 57?

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  69. chicnoir 67 —

    + they need to feel important and feel that you(female) value their time and company.

    Oh that so true and so wise cutie chic.

    We are such puffed up little boys sometimes, aren’t we? 😉

    It works so much better to humor us it that sometimes too, doesn’t it? Even when we know at least in a part of our brain that that’s just what you’re doin’. We still like it. I know I do. 😉

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  70. Not a single fat girl EVER?

    I thought this was where pretty lies perished…

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  71. It works so much better to humor us it that sometimes too, doesn’t it?
    Yes, it does
    Even when we know at least in a part of our brain that that’s just what you’re doin’. We still like it. I know I do

    I know, and it’s the reason that I am willing to do it sometimes.

    Zdeno-cosign

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  72. I do not contribute for baby shower, birthday, or office-leaving gifts unless I have more than a passing acquaintance with the person in question and I have positive feelings towards him. I do not attend gatherings related to such events. I do not attend most office social and team-building activities unless I think I will genuinely enjoy the activity and there will be free food.

    I spend enough time with people in the office, so I have no desire to spend any more time with them than is necessary to do my job. I would much rather read a good book at home than talk about something inane with people I don’t care about.

    I realize this probably causes most people in the office to view me in a less favorable light, but I’m fine with that.

    Oh, and regarding Mu’Min’s posts: I had sex with my first wife a couple of times when she had her period (when we were first dating) – using a condom, of course. She was a virgin when we met and she had a great body! I’ve never had any desire to screw someone who is pregnant.

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  73. I saved my mental health by fantasizing what it would be like to make gentle love to a third trimester pregnant woman. This is a mountain I’ve yet to climb.

    um yeah, so i may be alone on this particular issue, but, when that’s my baby in there, i’m going to be hittin’ that at least twice a day.
    almost been there once in a torrid* former relationship, but that one ended in a miscarriage. while it was in there, though, i pretty much didn’t take my cock out of her except to sleep and work.

    there’s this awesome girl who just someday might be the lucky one to have my seven kids. i’ve already told her that, during the third trimester of each pregnancy, she should expect to do little except rest, work out, eat healthy foods, and lounge around the house wearing midriff-baring shirts, little miniskirts, and high heels. if the repeated impact leads to early breaking of the water, well, them’s the breaks (no pun intended).

    *please do not take “torrid” as a reference to fat girls. thank you.

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  74. “ok, before everyone assumes i went to this because i wanted to, i *had* to go since it was for a coworker and higher ups were in attendance. not going would have precipitated greater negative fallout than the brief suffering of sitting through it with a congenial smile on my face.”

    The implication is that Roissy tucked his cock and attended a baby shower because of the threat of his boss yanking his paycheck.

    Oh, the horror of the humiliations that a low status male must endure!!!

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  75. Trust me, these events are pretty hellish for women, too, at least those women who don’t have children and don’t dream of cuddly babies all the time. Once women get into the gross details of pregnancy and childbirth and its attendant effects on their bodies, it’s time to check out.

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  76. Baby showers usually do not serve alcohol. That is a problem because it is hard for a less involved person to sit through the whole thing, listening, smiling, nodding every now and then without any mental lubrication.

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  77. johnny five

    um yeah, so i may be alone on this particular issue, but, when that’s my baby in there, i’m going to be hittin’ that at least twice a day.

    You are so not alone on that.

    And then there are those filled up bulging milkers, aching for release ….

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  78. 65 DoJ

    I have to guess that if Roissy had played his cards better, he could have avoided this without any significant consequence.

    Absolutely. He could have avoided the baby shower and kept his image intact at the same time. He is such an either/or type of person and the fact of the matter is, you can always have both. He missed an opportunity to be alpha/beta. Balance is the ideal, but he’s so stuck on alpha he’ll never get it. He could have easily had a “prior engagement” that he simply could not get out of (without compromising his integrity of course!). That prior engagement could have been with the friggin’ television set. Bottom line, HE controls how he spends his FREE time, not the so-called demands of his stupid job. Result: satisfaction and they are none the wiser. It’s none of their business what his “prior engagement” was, now is it? I could go on and on…. I just hate stupid beta excuses.

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  79. 74 Johnny Five

    A pregnant woman should NOT be wearing high heels! Silly boy. YOU try it! Men are so selfish sometimes.

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  80. Sara 80 —

    A pregnant woman should NOT be wearing high heels! Silly boy. YOU try it! Men are so selfish sometimes.

    My first reaction to this was something like this internal dougjnn monologue:

    there, there Sara. Show your sweet side. You know perfectly well that Johnny Five was just all into to totally being into his preggers by him woman and wanting to feel her sexy hugeness totally. The visual prop of the heels was just that. We both know he isn’t stuck on it. So hick them sweetly off your feet and growl at him, “come and get it lover” instead of bitch slapping the boy for not knowing something very female experience that you do. Kay?

    Except what I’ve done above is play out a feeling that took a split second.

    Then another few seconds later I started thinking this. Again I’m expanding a much shorter insight into another internal monologue:

    You know, Sara’s reaction is in a small but telling way emblematic of what’s wrong with our feminist saturated culture. I’m not going to deny that a certain corrective to male boorishness and thoughtlessness was once needed or anyway helpful but it’s gone vastly overboard for well past three decades now. The result is that even very feminine (albeit older and somewhat sex/relationship battle scarred) women like Sara reflexively lash out before imparting their pearls of wisdom, rather than smilingly imparting them to guys they might find are very willing to listen when approached in that kind of male acknowledging rather than pummeling way.

    I am in fact very interested in your thoughts in response Sara.

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  81. 81 dougjnn

    women like Sara reflexively lash out before imparting their pearls of wisdom, rather than smilingly imparting them to guys they might find are very willing to listen when approached in that kind of male acknowledging rather than pummeling way.

    I know, but pummeling has a certain appeal. To you, it’s pummeling, to me…..well, I’m more thick skinned. Lashing out? OMG You don’t know lashing out! Besides Johnny Five can take it; being a southern boy. He loves the banter. Anyway, if he doesn’t that’s too bad. I am not trying to win points here, prove myself, qualify myself, exalt myself, get a man, etc. etc. etc. Not that serious about all this. Lighten up? My sweet side is there, when I need it. Here, who cares? Just having fun.

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  82. Sara 82 —

    Kiss kiss.

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  83. in response to:

    firstly, sara

    74 Johnny Five
    A pregnant woman should NOT be wearing high heels! Silly boy. YOU try it! Men are so selfish sometimes.

    and secondly, dougjnn

    not knowing something very female experience that you do

    heh, dougie, no, i know these things very well. one interesting side effect of pickup artistry is the accumulation of a vast repository of knowledge to which men generally aren’t privy.
    (remember, ladies: pickup artists listen to you. this is one very good reason to appreciate pickup artists.)

    BUT:

    when i say “lounge around the house”, i mean either (a) lying in repose on the couch, book and healthy food in hand, or, more to the point, (b) flat on her back, on her hands and knees, or riding my tireless personal sybian.

    sara, there’s nothing wrong with a pregnant woman wearing high heels when they’re pointing straight at the ceiling, or are splayed out in opposite directions.
    ahem.
    but you are right about one thing: i am selfish. my woman’s clothes are for my benefit, not hers.

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  84. 84 Johnny Five

    sara, there’s nothing wrong with a pregnant woman wearing high heels when they’re pointing straight at the ceiling, or are splayed out in opposite directions.
    ahem.

    Point well taken.

    83 dougjnn

    kissy kiss to you, dear Dougie.

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  85. 67 Chic:

    I say the same thing about men

    + they need to feel important and feel that you(female) value their time and company.

    and it works for me too.

    even with male pets

    If you really feel that in your bones then you are not really a woman.

    You are a man in a woman suit.

    But I have my doubts…

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  86. 71 Zdeno:

    Not a single fat girl EVER?

    I thought this was where pretty lies perished…

    Heh heh heh. Touche.

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  87. My First Girl who was in to Sadomasochism experience.

    Scars and Doctors bill to prove it.

    Haha.

    Roissy, I want to know what books you recommend on the topics of Evolutionary Psycology, Social Dynamics and whether you have done a bootcamp?

    Best Regards

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  88. The picture and caption was seriously LOL funny. And it is extremely rare for me to laugh over something I see on a blog.

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