How to Win Back an Ex-Girlfriend

If you are the sort of vengeful prick who’d put real effort into bedding an ex just to turn the tables on her with a grandiose post-coitus exit, then you’ll need a proven method for achieving your goal.  One of the hardest feats to accomplish is re-igniting an ex-girlfriend’s attraction for you, especially if she initiated the breakup.  Unlike guys, who are perfectly OK with return trips to the well no matter how dry, women have a no-looking-back switch that, when flipped, desexualizes the man she had spent months or years enslaving with her body.  In her eyes, he is reduced to possessing the animal magnetism of a toll booth operator or a paperboy.  Once she has crossed this rubicon of fatal unattraction, his chances of re-bedding her dwindle to zilch.  You may think that the wild uninhibited sex bonded you two securely for the ages, but you can forget it – girls are creatures of the moment and if she dumped you you can bet she dumped all those memorable sex scenes, too.  She’s saving her inner dirty whore for a new man now.

Given this reality, your best bet for turning her around is to put your plan into action *before* she formally becomes your ex.   You have a short window of opportunity to do this.  The longer you have been with her the more warning she will give you with her change in behavior.  She won’t end a 2 year relationship overnight; you’ll have at least a month to clue in to the red flags.  Your number one priority, then, is recognizing the danger signals.  Infrequent or bland sex is of course an obvious indicator.  Look for delays in returning your calls and texts.  See if her eyes follow suit when she smiles (dead eyes are a dead giveaway).  Tone of voice will always betray a woman — musical when she’s happy, girlish when she’s affectionate, breathy when she’s horny, monotone when she’s lost respect for you.  Watch for contemptuous mannerisms like eye-rolling or tch-ing.  If she starts asking you strange questions or leading conversations down bizarre paths, that is her way of smoking you out.  She no longer trusts you to engage in normal playful conversation with you.  Go with your gut.  90% of the time it will be right.

Awareness of changes in her demeanor wins you half the battle.  You must also maintain complete state control.  If you give in to the rush of emotions that your traitorous brain floods you with when faced with an impending loss you will fail.  What is required of you is to CUT AND RUN before her doubts about you cement.  You must be the one to leave first.  Minimize face time.  Don’t call her.  Be friendly but ambiguous.  Don’t inquire into her life.  Laugh off her crappy attitude.  Most importantly, act as if nothing is wrong.  If she senses you are acting aloof out of spite the spell will be broken.  Eventually, she will wander back to you, bewildered and intrigued, filled with doubt about her hasty judgment.  You will resume a pattern of dating and sex that eerily resembles the first few weeks together.  NEVER give the game away that you knew she was losing attraction if you want to avoid rekindling her impression of you as a weak beta.

What I have described above is the ideal ex-GF strategy.  Like most ideals, hardly anyone lives up to them.  And with good reason – maintaining composure in the midst of a dying relationship you don’t want to end demands superhuman grace under pressure.  Only the strongest alphas with a solid stable of regulars can cavalierly brush off the prospect of one of his girls attempting to dump him.  He knows she won’t muster the willpower to leave, but if she does it won’t matter anyway.

The less experienced man caught offguard will need to learn the art of turning it around after her decision to leave is made but before she has reached the no-looking-back stage.  Chances of re-notch success are much lower once she has verbalized her need for space, but with proper post-relationship game you can improve your odds dramatically.  The key is in the timing.  A mathematician has shown that the dumper’s loneliness and nostalgia for the broken relationship peak at about 3 weeks after the breakup, unless she has found another man in the interim.  Therefore, your job is to let her go and not speak to her for 3 weeks.  This will amplify her feelings of loss.  Then, at her most vulnerable 3 weeks later, call to say hi.  Keep the convo short and friendly.  Chances are best right at this moment that she will offer to meet you for drinks.

You’ll notice the common denominator with these strategies.  They only work if you do the OPPOSITE of what the typical guy would do.  Very few men getting dumped would have the presence of mind to lay low and refrain from trying to talk her out of her decision.  But that is exactly the winning formula.  Your breezy indifference will win back more exes than all the post-breakup talks in the world.  Lean back, reap your bounty, and if you’ve got the balls calmly tell her after the post-breakup violation of all her holes “Eh, you know, I shouldn’t have taken you back.  This isn’t going to work.”


  1. on April 10, 2007 at 3:45 pm Steve Lurkel

    Brilliant piece! It’s about time you took the stage.


  2. You won’t agree, but this would work just as well for women, with a few minor alterations.


  3. so its been almost 3 weeks since my breakup… ive tried to play it cool, however, shes been initiating contact with lines such as “i love it how you dont talk to me anymore” (sarcasm). its difficult responding sometimes; i pretend like im not there if she instant messages me with a line like that ( are her casual chat tool of choice) and respond later to say that i was busy, without inquiring about her life meanwhile. she sends me so many mixed signals dispite the fact that she was the dumper… sometimes it seems like shes past me, then sometimes it seems like she subtly does things to get to me (like doing internet surveys that happen to have a question or two about an ex boyfriend ). she claims to have lost feelings for me and i want to win her back but shes a naturally indecisive person, this does work well to an extent, but is difficult to read in this situation. i feel like im going do something wrong and i need a lead in the right direction. how do i work with this?


  4. and what would have been the anniversary of the day i asked her to be my girlfriend is in two days. should i talk to her on that day? it was very important to us while we were together.


  5. anon, the worst thing you can do is call her on your anniversary. that would show her that she still occupies a part of your thoughts. she wins. no, what she needs to think is that you are completely indifferent to her.

    continue to play it cool. lay low. in a week, give her a call and say “hey, what’s up! can’t talk right now… heading out with a friend… she owes me a beer… maybe we’ll catch up some other time.”

    the point is to act like she is just another bud and that nothing she says bothers you. she’ll thank you later for letting her EARN her way into your heart again.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I cannot tell you how accurate that is. The WORST (read BEST) thing you can do is to be indifferent. If you act like you care, she will keep you wrapped around her finger as a backup FOREVER. Being angry and being nice are both signs that you care. If she calls/IM’s you, say “Hey! How are you (in an excited voice)? Can I call you back in a few minutes?” and then DO NOT call her back. Make it look like you simply forgot that she called! She will certainly call you wanting to know why you ignored her. She will be begging for you in a few weeks, so just wait it out.

    Trust me, I’m a woman so I know that this is true.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. on June 6, 2007 at 12:17 pm Luiz Henrique

    I´m not sure it will work but if someone has already tried, then post it here!!!


  8. Great piece! Thanks for being honest. The insight about how women are was eye opening. I would like my ex gf to want me back but im not going to lower myself to do it. How can I present myself high status to her again after it is over? She went back to her ex, texted me she was happy. I do not make any contact. Do you think when the honeymoon is over she would contact me? I know not to wait for that but I do put that in the back of my mind. How do you get and keep a girl Interested and begging for more? I REALLY am interested in a no hold back honest answer. I want to know from a woman and I feel I can trust you. What are the rules if you will. THE REAL ONES!!! There is nothing more exciting in life than a great relationship. I also believe it is the man’s responsibility to keep it fun, exciting, and interesting. It is not easy because what I think to do is the wrong thing to do. I want results, not hear that she wasn”t the right one. Something is going on here!!!!! Thanks for your input. So I can change and be happy.


  9. My dumping has just happened within the last 4/5 days. I am now on day 5. Being dumped has killed me inside and, I like most guys whose ego has been slapped, fell into the typical scenario of sending flowers, writing to her and the insessant telephone calls begging and winging for a second chance. All to no avail. On day # 3 I started your 3 week programme. I stopped texting and calling and made no contact at all. On day # 4 I received a text message to enquire how I was and she offered to do my washing for me if needed. My response was delayed (2 Hrs), friendly, short and let her know I was feelin fine now. No voice calls.
    Day # 4; 24 Hrs later, I receive another text asking whether she can still text me and I am OK again. Confusing me now. Yet 3 Hours later I still have not responded to her text as I dont know how to respond without letting her know that I desperately need some dialogue with her. I still need to maintain the 3 week programme.
    However I could still do with some help and guidance from anyone how I could respond by text.


  10. andy – so far you’re doing good. i’d respond to her latest text this way:

    “you’re such a goofball! sure, you can text me.”

    basically, respond to her like she’s a friend, and has always been a friend.

    it’s good that you’re avoiding the phone. a lot of guys have trouble hiding the anguish in their voices. it takes practice to sound aloof. keep with the program. 3 weeks.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi,
    Day # 6
    I’ve received about 6 texts from her over the past 24 Hours.
    All dealt with in the same manner as before.
    However today 9.00 am Received a ‘private hidden’ number tele call.
    Phew what a call. I was nervous at first. This first time I had spoken to her since day # 2
    Definite concerns from her I know her mind is starting to think!
    I was pleasant, upbeat and friendly. She was bemused.
    She enquired whether or not I wanted the appartment and that she moves out due to the economics of running the home. I explained that I had set up another appartment and had already paid up front for 3 months therefore suggested I pay for next three months on the apartment she lives in and, then review it after three months to see who wants it me or she! Have I done right?
    She asked loads of questions.
    Where am I (Told her I am working locally)
    Where am I going to live (Indicated locally but remained vague) indicated moving in later this week.
    Who did I play golf with (Said friend) P.s I never played Golf
    Told her I had been shopping for new clothing etc
    All very brief answers.
    She suggested was pleased I was doing all the things that she that she had stopped me doing. I said ‘no it was me not doing them, she had nothing to do with it’ (friendly approach)
    Rushed her off the phone as I am going into a meeting with colleague.
    Told her to call me anytime to sort out costs for apartment etc.
    Felt I was getting back some control. Then; An hour later I get a text asking ‘can we meet as their are things we need to sort out and am I available today. I have as yet not responded. How do I deal with this request. Please advise anyone.


  12. it sounds like this girl is a drama-seeker. she won’t be aroused unless she’s chasing you. this does not make for a healthy LTR. nevertheless, from what you’ve written you are sitting in the driver’s seat. i don’t think you need to wait 3 weeks. the invitation to meet and sort things out is an invitation to meet and sort it out through sex.

    still, i’d dangle the carrot a little longer. tell her you can’t meet today, then suggest another day. if she dosen’t agree with your suggestion, tell her it’s been nice talking to her and that you have to run. odds are she will quickly reconsider your offer.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. It sound as if you’re right on target here.
    The shift in Power is coming my way!
    Day # 7
    Following the normal delay in responding to all her texts I said I was unavailable to meet. Her returned text to me was really irrational, short and sharp, saying she will not text me again.(She has lost the power over me!) I knew I had got to her. I knew she still had something for me.
    1 Hour later another text, thanking me for a frivolous task I organised a week ago! (This is after she said she will never text me again).
    I didn’t respond. Then another text suggesting I have been avoiding her and we have to meet as their ‘things I need to know about’ (I have a feeling that another guy is involved). Although heart pounding intrigued I ignored the question and responded very friendy that I was not conscious of trying to avoid her, just that I have so busy organisng things and, I am unavailable for 4/5 days. She responded saying ‘Ok let me know when your free’. Now all very quiet. Now do I just sit and wait and not call her!..or in 4/5 days call her to make arrangements for meeting?


  14. well done, young padawan. you will soon be a sex jedi. whatever you do, don’t get defensive. come from a place of compassion for her, but don’t try to justify yourself. in a few days call her and let her know you’ll be free on such and such day and offer a place to meet. tell her she’s more than welcome to meet up with you then. if she gives you any more runaround just politely say “hey, it’s ok, we don’t have to do this. maybe we’ll see each other around. take care.”

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hi,
    Day # 14
    I have stayed and persevered with the plan although it is proving to be emotionally difficult.
    I have some good days and some bad days, but the emphasis is on sticking with the plan. I have never initiated a text message or tele call; however she has text me a number of times (approx 20) and I have responded friendly and delayed. I am finding her texts hard to analyse as I try to read into her words, (Or am I being to analytical?). In her texts she says that she’s really pleased that I am happy and I have gotten over her, (I don’t know whether this is a leading question or sincere), she’s pleased that I am enjoying life and assumes that she has held me back and ‘I am truly the most positive person in the world’ wow…if she only knew my feelings. And, when can we meet for a chat? I don’t want niceties off her, I just want her back!
    In regards to meeting her I managed to convince her that I am busy with her response being frustrated and tetchy that she cannot have control over this meeting as and when it eventually happens. I have also spoken once on my mobile when she called me, kept it brief and friendly and rushed her off the phone, although she again became annoyed that she was not getting her own way.
    Question; How I handle her question as to whether ‘am happy’ as feel it is a leading question? One of the key issues I do not want to encourage is for her to convince herself that ‘I am sorted with a new life and no room for her anymore’?
    I know your programme is working but it is hard to maintain control and not to be submissive to chasing when you feel that it may not be working the way I envisaged.
    Many thanks…nearly Padawan!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. the important thing to keep in mind is that she is initiating contact with you. this means she is thinking about you. girls who are truly done with their exes don’t text 20 times. all the “are you OK?” passive-aggressive BS is her way to get some kind of reaction out of you.

    a piece of advice: you should be actively pursuing other women right now so this girl is not occupying more than 5 seconds worth of your thoughts. only when you know you have options will you be able to deal with her in the appropriate manner.

    the next time she asks you if you are “happy” simply say with a warm smile and very sincerely “it’s so sweet that you think about me. i always liked that about you.” NEVER answer a woman’s leading questions directly. Keep her feeling confused with misdirection. Don’t let her words affect you at all.

    as for arragning the next meeting, you may want to increase the voltage a bit. tell her “i have a date this tuesday, but i’m free wed so if you want to meet then that would work for me.”

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Hi,
    Many thanks for your guidance. However whilst you were penning your expert and invaluable advice, I was actually in conversation to my ex-GF following a text message she had sent to me earlier asking to arrange a meeting with her’ to sort stuff out’. Instead of texting, I called her. (First call in nearly 2 weeks) I could not keep putting her off anymore as this would have been seen as avoidance. Also emotion got the better of me but it allowed me to gauge her feelings towards me. Still on the cool side I think??
    Her initial reaction was mildly aggressive, a degree of anger and frustration in regards to that I was being awkward in setting up a meeting time and place, intimating that I was always too busy and she felt I was avoiding her.(She had requested a meeting three times). I was friendly and pleasant as instructed and tried to calm her down. I suggested a meeting maybe the following week once I had consulted my diary. I know she was none too pleased. Ended the call.
    Within mins another call; questioned as to why am I being weird? Why am I doing things that I never normally would have done? Why am I doing stuff that I should have been doing for her / with her etc? I remained pleasant, calm and light hearted. Told her that I have made a few life style changes and left it at that. She asked what I was doing at the weekend and I painted a picture of being busy and socialising / partying etc.
    I couldn’t resist but to reciprocate and ask what her plans were also for the weekend, with her response was ‘being with friends’?
    We agreed to text / confirm at the start of next week a meeting place and time for the following week. I suggested if she needed to contact me then call anytime.
    We left on pleasant terms wished each other a good weekend.
    Am I right to believe that she is interested? I know I have possibly done an incorrect action by allowing her to speak with me, but I’m missing her so much.
    Now I need to take this to the next stage…..I think the thought of me with another woman would spoil my chances as she is on the surface ice cool whilst underneath quietly jealous and would not show her feelings, but may cut me off dead!
    How do I play the meeting? How would you gauge her response to me earlier?


  18. “whilst you were penning your expert and invaluable advice”

    if this whole thing is a put-on, i don’t care. even fake flattery will get you everywhere with me.

    “Her initial reaction was mildly aggressive”

    what is the opposite of love? indifference. frustration means she is experiencing emotions thinking about you.

    “questioned as to why am I being weird?”

    translation: why have you stopped being the beta who made it easy to dump you?
    you are doing well so far.

    “Told her that I have made a few life style changes and left it at that.”

    this is a good answer, if you must answer. better still, don’t bother explaining yourself. you have nothing to prove.

    “Am I right to believe that she is interested?”

    i would say you are on the right track, but without seeing you two together and observing her body language around you i can’t say for sure.

    “but may cut me off dead!”

    hinting that you are dating other women will not cut her off dead. in fact, she’ll be more likely to chase you. women get turned on, or at least curious, by the thought of us being pursued by other women.

    “How do I play the meeting?”

    ok, this is important.
    if you do meet her, be playful and be flirtatious. pretend she is a cute girl you met for the first time. tease her, be cocky. if she gives you a hard time, brush it off and call her a “little brat”. NEVER explain yourself or apologize for your actions. be friendly, but with a hint of masculine energy that suggests you are not going to be just another one of her guy friends.
    good luck. let me know how it goes.


  19. Yeah she was the one that dumped me!

    I dont think he was prob in her wings as she’s not really that sort of girl (at least i hope not ha) dont think it’s anything other than a rebound as apparently a little pigeon tells me she’s been trying to argue with him cos she wants to finish him so she can be single!

    She was still stringing me along after breakup but i decided to cut all contact to see if she’ll miss me… it can go either way an im not getting my hopes up cos ike you said, its unrecoverable! she even said we’ll prob get back in 6months but i think that was to lighten the blow!

    yeah i’ll take your advice an get scoring!


  20. ps. an the guy was on rebound too after a 2 year relationship an ours was for 3 years! not that it makes any odds!


  21. What about in my case where i chased her for 2 months an in this time she has found another man imedaitely after our break up on the rebound? im currently in No Contact for just over a week!


  22. did she dump you? if so, it’s over.

    i know it sounds harsh, but an ex who jumps to a new guy right after dumping the old one is unrecoverable. either the new guy was waiting in the wings, which means she lost her feelings for you a long time ago, or she was so happy to be free that she hooked up right away.

    you can follow the program but i’ll be honest, in your case the odds of getting her back are 1 in a million. i’d go out and start scoring new pussy. nothing helps a man get over a woman faster than new women.


  23. The part you’re missing in this brilliantly directed piece of shit, is there is no woman who would continue to endure the monotony and displeasure of ex-sex unless she, of course, wanted it. This only applies to the few of us who are strongly compelled to control most, if not all, situations. I can guarantee you regardless of how desperate and helpless one seemed in this reoccurring role play, the woman will undoubtedly break any poor bastards heart again for a little fucking. Maybe instead of of pursuing already discovered pastures, one would suggest that you would try to involve your mundane and sexless lives in a new venture that would ultimately evolve until yet more pathetic ex sex. Or, may i suggest stop being such a closet fag, and try taking it in the ass a little more. Honestly, I think you would be much more satisfied if you tried it up the ass a couple times. Kisses again, Fuck you.


  24. Day # 21 you are the real deal!
    As previously intimated our meeting was today. Our first meeting in exactly three weeks to the day. Our meeting was arranged in a fairly local classy wine bar, no music, no one yelling, just a pleasant ambience.
    I had made a personal effort during this sabbatical period to improve my image and mind. Read up on image and confidence. Gym 6 days a week, new suit, shirt, shoes, etc. Trimmed the effervescent nasal and ear hair and splashed a few jugs of aftershave all over. God, I looked good, God, I felt even better.
    Prior to meeting her today, all this week I have received texts from her about nothing and, that she is ‘ill’? (Stress). Even voicemails intimating that ‘sorry that I’ve missed your call I am available if you need me’ yet I had not called her? I did not responded to many and, if I did it was deliberately delayed. All responses rather friendly but with a ‘couldn’t care attitude’.
    Our meeting was for 2pm. I purposely strolled in 2.05, knowingly 5 mins late.
    Started the meeting well. Walked in looking good, feeling great and smiling. Bought drinks from the bar and flirted with the waitress….purposely. Our discussion very easily dropped into the small talk about family, friends, job whilst being friendly, smiling and joking with her. Complimented her on her rear end which, was well received.
    She brought up the relationship from the first opportunity and the reasons for the split. I was deeply and sincerely apologetic and I accepted all responsibility. She then started to assume some of the blame herself. Indifference! I just let the conversation flow bring in the occasional’ well we both have to move on now don’t we?’ This was stopping her getting her emotional hooks into me. She was not in control.
    Without warning I could see her eyes well up and the tears flowed….our meeting lasted for beyond two hours (Longer than I had planned) and during this time the tears continued to flow. How much she missed me, the mistakes she had made in breaking us up. She was distressed. And I desperately wanted to hold her but restrained myself. I just let her weep. I showed no passive emotion.
    Then the curved ball she served me. ‘I’ve been on a number of dates with a really attractive guy’ He’s this and he’s that etc. My response ‘that’s great I am really happy for you, in fact I am glad you’ve brought that up as I have a hot date this weekend’ It is amazing what a little bit of indifference does. The impact this had was ‘protective jealously’. Then I was questioned as to who is she, where are you going, where did we meet even, how big is her backside? What she like, how pretty etc. I was in total control. I was loving it!
    Then when I suggested that I am pleased and happy with the new man in her life she became altogether negative about him.
    Now this is the best; when I suggested that she gives the guy a chance as he is probably a nice man, her response was totally the opposite. She then verbally crucified him in front of me. Clearly this new man relationship will not last long, especially as he’s only known her two/ three weeks and he’s already told her he loves her. (What a wuss). I could help but smile inside. Now I know how indifference works I could see the effect that this guy had had on her.
    As part of our discussion she asked me about three to four times as to when I am going to collect my clothing and other personal effects. I skirted around the question but eventually said in a couple of weeks and I need to get new furniture. Then she let it slip as to why she wanted my stuff out of the flat. It was because they reminded her constantly of me! Please learn from this all you budding ‘Padawans’. Leave your effects under their noses, this works as a constant reminder.
    Well the afternoon went better than expected. I wasn’t nervous because I had pre-planned this meeting in my mind time and time again, prior to today’s meeting.
    The bill came for the lunch, now historically I would pay (Like most men would). However today was different. She tried to highlight a male weakness in me by offering to pay for her lunch whilst expecting me to say ‘No I’ll cover it’ as I would normally have done. Today was different; I took her money off her and put it in my wallet. She didn’t say a word. It felt good.
    The afternoon ended as it started tears and regret on her part. I am in control. I suggested that we keep in touch. She exclaimed her feeling for me yet I said that she needs to sort herself out and keep in touch.
    Within 15 mins of leaving her a text message arrives; she wants me back!
    I still have not replied!


  25. hey,

    I need some advice and guidance. I am not going to try and make my story long. But heres the deal. I was with my girlfriend for 1year 5 months. We were great. Sure the fights but alot of good. It ended pretty ugly and she s with another man. They dont have the status as of going out but they go on dates and stuff. Today is truly my day 1 on my own if that makes sense. What should I do?


  26. just try and get back to me thanks!!


  27. Hi, i’ve just read Andy’s story through and i was wondering if you might be able to offer me a smidgen of advice. My girlfriend dumped me 3 months ago (so much for a 3 week plan eh?).. We’ve stayed in contact and its all been pretty emotional when we’ve met.. The last 2 weeks of so i’ve tried to cut down contact.. I’m a little concerned that all these different ideas i’ve tried are cancelling each other out. That my approach has been too haphazard. And 3 months in is a bit late to start getting it right. Shes settled more and wants to be friends. I’ve not heard from her in a few days. Whats my best approach?


  28. hey ,

    Thats good advice but Idk if iit will work here simply because she told me that she likes another man and that she has lost feelings for me. What should I do? or whats the best advice you can give me?


  29. Hey Alec,
    Do zero!… nothing. And wait. It works. Create an impression that you have ‘moved on’, even if you have not. She will expect you to chase and when you don’t she will be mystified and, then you are the challenge for her. As he states create that ‘indifference’.
    I have learned through my own experience that women ‘want’ the challenge of getting a man that is not easy to get and, that they prefer their men to be unpredictable, a bad boy. Don’t under any circumstances contact her, always let her initiate the call. You have got to be single minded and disciplined if you want her to start chasing you. Good luck.


  30. Hi Nick / Alec
    Firstly, I am not qualified to offer advice as I am just a player like you guys; therefore any suggested advice is purely through my personal experience. However, and I will re-iterate it again that to be succesful follow this advice and see it through. Don’t be a weak Wuss. Hey! If you had heart decease would you be disciplined in taking the medication prescribed; I’m sure you would for the fear that if stop the medication you stand the risk of heart failure? This is the same for all of us as players in the game of love. We’ve all experienced a ‘heart attack’ from a loved one. Now you need to apply the short course of ‘kill or cure’. No Contact medication!
    You need to be totally disciplined and NOT, I repeat, DO NOT make contact of any description. Do not send flowers, letters, gifts etc as this means that the women knows she still has her emotional hooks into you, meaning she has you wrapped around her little finger and furthermore, she can pick you up or drop you at any future time. You need to understand that YOU need to gain control again. Women want a ‘man’ who is strong for them, not a whiner or wimp! Chasing her and doing all the above indicates to her that you’re a meek wuss. When you stop calling them it triggers thoughts ‘If he loved me so much why isn’t he chasing me?…’s a female test to check if you’re the real deal or just a wuss. They DON’T want you to chase them, they want to chase you. So walk away and create mysticism. Let her always chase you. Always, always let her initiate the text messaging, the voice calls and then don’t reply immediately. Wait hours even days if you can. She will become curious and keen for you to be available. Don’t be available. Show her you don’t need her. When you do respond always try to do it via text message and portray a happy image and always intimate that you are enjoying life and doing stuff (Parties, ball games etc). DO NOT ask her about her life or anything else to do with her life. Don’t tell her much about your life; create the ‘man of mystery’.
    More recently with my personal experience, when my ‘ex’ was totally distraught that I had got over her so quickly. (3 Days). She could not comprehend that I was not going to wait, or chase her. She has actually since told me this and that once she realised this, she claimed that power had shifted back to me. The result; she chased me for the next month, all because I was ‘unavailable’. She could not pick me up nor drop me.
    When you first met your women; she found you attractive. What’s changed for you?
    If she found you attractive then, why can’t she find you attractive again? Re-invent yourself. Gym, haircut, break habits, project a confident image. Be different but underneath it’s still you.
    I would suggest you read other articles on how to win back your ex. I was so desperate at the time that I did exactly what you guys are doing now and that is trawling the internet searching for the solution. I can recommend an E-book that you can download for about $15 which I found was very helpful. I thought my relationship was worth 15 bucks(£10). It is a definitive programme for a set period of time and advises how to deal with situations during the ‘split’ period. The e-book is by a guy called Brian Caniglia and titled ‘How to get back your Ex’. Together with this advice and this book I have achieved success in 27 days. But I have only achieved my success by following the advice and applying the ‘no contact rule’. Both the book and the message are exactly the same. DO NOT MAKE ANY CONTACT.
    Finally, after I left my ex four days ago following our first meeting in 3 weeks, I suggested to her that she should keep in touch with me. She did not expect this response. As I earlier stated I received a text message after 15 mins of leaving her begging for me to come home. This is one of the best bits; I responded a few hours later and said I needed 2/3 days to consider my future as I did not want us to experience a similar disappointment again. I needed to prove to her that I had the power to choose. I had the control. I was going home under my terms. The result was that she has message text me and left voice calls for me for a full 3 days trying to persuade me to come back. (Approx 30 messages all proclaiming her love for me and trying to sway me). She was doing exactly what he says DON’T DO. Do not chase. She has actively chased and pursued me day and night. I loved it!
    Just for the record, we are now back together and she will do anything for me. I am in control and she wants me to be in control. We have sat and talked I laid down a few ground rules. The phrase a lot of people use without thought, and tend to spout out ‘with my unconditional love’; this is a load of garbage. There is no such thing. Dreamland!
    We are now back together and our love IS now ‘conditional’. We now have rules in place for the two us. I have won back respect and attraction.
    Some background information. My women is 26 years of age. I am not simply stating the following because I have a deep rooted love for her; nor am I love blind, nor do I wear rose tinted spectacles, but she is a women of sheer beauty and has a figure and a body of a playboy model. She can get any man she wants and she gets hit on every day from both sexes. I have seen men drool and jaw drop, she turns heads. She is also intelligent and processes an electric personality.
    I am 50 years of age. Mr Average. However I am a very different man than all the other men that she has come into contact with, in that I am the only man in her life that has NOT chased her. Read into this as you will.
    Alec, Your story is exactly the same as mine. The loss of attraction, a new man, loss of feeling etc. You need to identify the reason for the loss of attraction and demonstrate by actions that you have changed without telling her. Let her find out for herself you have changed, you are different. You need a solid month without contacting her. If she initiated contact then that’s fine but don’t respond immediately wait, wait and …..wait! Get control.
    Nick, The same applies for you. It will be really difficult for you NOT to call but you should see a change eventually. Apply the basic principles of NON contact. Finally you don’t want to be friends… friendly, but not friends….the ‘friendy’ thing is for wuss’s and generally women have loads of friends in the grand scheme of things. ‘Treat em mean keep them keen’ has never been so true.
    This is the best kept secret that I’ve ever learned. Good luck guys.


  31. What if i’ve come out of a 3 year relationship, me bein her first love… been split up for 2 an half months, been in NC for 2 weeks so far but she’s with another guy that she met immediately on the rebound of us finishing! i chased her for 2 months, texted, rang, sent her flowers an wrote her a letter…. an then afterwards realised what a wuss i was bein an cut off all contact… (its been 2 weeks exactly today since she last emailed me) is it too late now? or will be thinking why arent i chasing her anymore? or wont she be even be bothered/thinking about me cos she’s still with this another guy?

    Any advice would be nice ta


  32. Hey Anon,
    You’ve a better chance than you think for the simple reason you have had a long term relationship. It is even harder for her to forget you when you’ve been together for such a while. Furthermore; yes you’re probably correct into thinking she‘s on the rebound but the more you pursue her the more you push her towards him. So stop pushing.
    So she’s got a new guy. So what!….their is nothing you can do about it. She is probably comparing you with her new guy anyway. But this is the good thing for you because he has not given her the good times you shared together and, eventually the good memories will rekindle her emotions for you. (Unless you have physically abused her).
    You need to give her at least thirty days without contact. Give her space. Respect her wishes. Give her respect you win respect!
    Yes’ you’ve made the mistake of the flowers, letter and whining, but we’ve all done that. But you can recover this by following the NC rule. She knows you care for her due to your persistence, but now you need to show her that you don’t need her. Women don’t want ‘needy’ men, although they do want to be desired. Needy’s are wusses. You need to continue the NO CONTACT for the period until she starts to wonder what you’re up to and she will start to enquire about you. You will create interest. Be patient. Be a mystery man. Be different!


  33. Thanx for the advice… i personally think its too late now to recover as ive shown im too much of a WUSS so im doin this NC now purely for myself, i think the girl wants to explore as she is only 20 an she’s been with me for the last 3 years so she’ll want to meet other lads an have abit of fun.

    Just out of interest should i just carry on the NC forever really until i reach the point where i feel i dont wanna get back with her…an if she contacts me in the meantime its a bonus an if she doesnt then at least i will be over her an then i wont even be thinkin im doin NC?

    Thx again


  34. andy – glad to see it is working for you.

    anon – i once did what you did (flowers, poems, chasing, etc) and in my experience, you are too far gone to have a realistic chance of winning your ex back. the NO CONTACT rule loses its effectiveness if you’ve already sent flowers. she knows how you feel, and anything else you do will be seen by her as trying to win her approval.

    my guess is that she is not thinking about you at all. nor is she wondering why you aren’t chasing her anymore. i know, it’s a tough pill to swallow, but some exes are a lost cause. if you chased her for two months post-breakup you have probably killed any remaining attraction she had for you. remove her from your thoughts.


  35. Many thanks for the inspiration and providing me with focus.
    I’m now home with my woman. She is treating me like a new boyfriend and we have only just met.
    She is trying her hardest to make a good impression. I have full control and the power which I will not abuse.
    The sex since I’ve arrived home is fantastic. My ‘crown jewels’ have been totally abused and it was great to go to work for a rest. Sex was previously controlled by the woman in our relationship. Since I’ve been home I don’t pester her for sex as she is the one chasing and desperate for my body. She doing things to me that we hadn’t participated in for years. (I will leave that to your imagination). All I can say is thank God that I took the time to invest in my body at the gym otherwise…. ZZzzzzz!
    For all you other players, I made the mistakes in the beginning but you can recover. Be positive (One of the most attractive traits anyone can have). Have the gumption to stick with the plan and stop whining as to whether this is going to work. If it doesn’t then you’ve had approx a month of surviving without contact and therefore you’re preparing your self to move on. Not all relationships work out but some can survive if managed correctly.
    Once again Thanks you.
    May the force be with you.
    The Sex Jedi
    (With a worn out Light Saber)

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Hi, just to add to the previous message, i’ve been told from the grape vine that my ex is not getting along with her new chap…apparently he’s doin her head in, should i remain in NC or should i get intouch in say 2 weeks an just how she is?

    or do you reckon regardless if there getting on or no mine an her past is a seperate issue?

    Should i date someone to make her realise that ive moved on?


  37. Anon reply
    Definitely stay in the NC mode. Do not contact her. She may probably be feeling she has made an error in judgement and is considering her options and furthermore, IF it is proven to be the scenario that she is unhappy with her new guy. = a rebound relationship! Good for you possibly?
    Be patient. You stand a chance to get her back by good discipline. There is the chance that she will make contact with you if you have had three good years of memories behind you. If she has any thoughts regards your relationship then she is probably only thinking about the good times you had previously (If she’s indifferent with new guy)

    You need to create indifference. Do not initiate any call of any type. Don’t ask her friends about her as this will filter back to her eventually = Wuss !
    Good suggestion of yours to call in a few weeks, (Providing you have not contacted her for thirty days. If you have contacted her during thirty days then start the thirty days of NC again. All the more reason not to give in and call her) and then say something like, ‘hey, you just popped into my mind so I thought I’d give you a call to see how you are?’ Keep it really brief and exude an impression that you’re happy, your busy and doing many exciting things. Don’t ask about her life. Don’t mention or bring up the relationship or present BF. Be friendly but with a touch of daring, arrogance and flirtation in your personality.
    Good tip here; when talking to her, try smiling. This helps with the ‘happy attitude’ She can’t see you smiling but she will feel it in your voice. At the end of the call don’t ask her ‘can you call her again’, but call again in a few weeks anyway. Keep contact on a fortnightly basis as above but, in between times NC. There is the chance that she may make contact with you if you have three good years on memories behind you. If she has any thoughts regards your relationship then she is probably only thinking about the good times you had previously.
    Great idea to get another girl on board. This works wonders with your ex even if you only intimate that you are dating someone else.


  38. I don’t think she will make contact , we’ve had some good times… but also had some bad times too so not sure which out weighs what!

    Yeah I’ll email her in 2 weeks, ya never know she might of got thru the rough patch with her new chap an be fine by then, but I can still drop her a quick email for nothing I suppose!

    I haven’t contacted her for 2 weeks, her sister sent me an email middle of last week just breaking some news about one of our friends new born baby, copying my ex in but I just said to her sister please can you not include me in your emails as I don’t wanna be in contact anymore!

    So should I start again from that date or from when I last spoke to ex?


  39. Hey Anon,
    This reads as if you’re sulking. Project a positive manner and it will attract other people to you. Women find it dead sexy and attractive in a man. Be seen to be strong, confident and not needy. Don’t email but telephone her. E-mails may be mis-interpreted… as I have possibly just done with yours? You can gauge her voice during a conversation but the same is not from an email or text.
    Telling her that you don’t want contact is seen as being immature and it burns your bridges. No going back.
    Start from the last method of contact. 30 days. 2 weeks to go!
    Good luck. If you claim to love her then don’t give up so easily. If your unsure move on!


  40. Yeah your right, i should of not said anything to that last email her sister sent… im learning hard way!

    What is she doesnt answer when i call? because towards end of relationship when she wo seeing that other guy in rebound she never used to reply to her texts… but then she’d reply on myspace following day… after a while i realised that she was using me to whine herself off me so thats when i deleted my myspace account an started NC. she called me the day i deleted my account an left me a message to see if i was alright, i never replied until the following day… i shouldnt of replied at all thinking back too it!

    Right, im on the right track now….might be alittle too late but the NC is definately helping me get over her!


  41. Also how do i change my status of bein a WUSS?


  42. Hi,

    Whats the best method of being indifferent without actually saying to someone you dont care anymore? cos i think i’ve done that much chasing (2 months) sent her flowers an a letter an told her sister not to include me anymore of her emails that she sends to her that i think my ex purely thinks im still emotional hooked to her when really im not!

    I need to send some sort of signal to her without actually bein in contact as ive still got 2 weeks of NC left to do!



  43. Whats the best method of being indifferent without actually saying to someone you dont care anymore?

    you know how you act around your guy friends?
    kind of like that.

    I need to send some sort of signal to her without actually bein in contact as ive still got 2 weeks of NC left to do!

    the best signal you could send right now is that you are dating someone else.
    and the best way to send that signal is through a third party. make sure her friends find out you are being pursued by other women.

    Also how do i change my status of bein a WUSS?

    if you believe wussiness is destiny
    you can’t.


  44. Hi,

    Thanks for the good advice… ya know after all this, I’m think I’m just about getting over her an I’ve kind of got this new girl on the go now…which helps take my mind off things.

    I think im scared of contacting her after the NC period an giving her the satisfaction of me being the last person to contact.. an giving her control of the situation!


  45. Hi,

    I bumped into my ex-gf last night for first time in abour 3 weeks, im still in the NC…got about a week an half left, when i first saw her she was thinking out loud, she said “mark” but i think she just ment to think it an not say it! then later we crossed paths as she was goin to a bar, i could tell she wanted to stop an talk cos she paused walking, but i just said “hiya” an carried on like i wasnt bothered!

    im still in 2 minds what to do… what do you reckon i should do, i still have feelings for this girl an my friend told me again last night that she’s been falling out with her new chap all time, an i just acted like i really wasnt bothered!

    Do i contact her after the 30 days or wait for her to come to me?


  46. Hi,

    Has anyone got any advice on what i should do…wether i should contact my ex after the 30 day NC period or wait for her to contact me, as she was the one that dumped me. maybe she’s too scared to swallow her pride as that is the type of girl she is!

    or should i just wait to see if she sends me a birthday card in a few week??

    or just wait til we cross paths again out!


  47. Hi Anon (49)
    You are doing the correct things in making it look as you don’t care. BUT… you must be friendly, show compassion, and show her everything that first attracted her to you in the first place. Be confident and ACT confident. (Good website site for dudes like us called:, loads of helpful tips).
    You must wait the 30 days (Or longer, but not too long!) and then call her just to say
    ‘Hi’ you just popped into my mind so I thought I would give you a quick call’.
    Talk to her as if she was just a casual friend, smile whilst talking, (She will sense this)… make out your happy and you have moved on etc. Do not discuss the relationship unless she brings it up. Keep chat no longer than say 5 mins, or less, let her know you’re busy and then rush her off the phone as you have an important meeting etc. Be creative. On closing say to her ‘see you around take care, keep in touch’. Leave her as you suggested previously in that ‘you don’t care or aren’t really bothered’. Let her chase you and don’t fall into the trap of letting her know how much you miss her. Otherwise all is lost.
    Read all the previous blogs on this site and you will find some guidance in what others have experienced and achieved by doing the same.


  48. Hi,

    Thanks for the reply!

    I saw her briefly last sun like i said in my previous post an i think she’ll be out tonight, especially as she’s finshed with that other lad she was dating now! im unsure as to what i should do,

    Do i go out with my work mates an stay out of her sight an still act as in im not bothered an let her wonder what im doin (if she is thinking about me)… then contact her on wednesday after the 30 days NC is up


    Do i go out with my normal mates, an if i bump into her act normal, confident an show compassion!


  49. P.s. What if i phone her next week an she doesnt answer ha! i’ll be well gutted! im also scared she might think “or he still wants me” where as if i see her out, i can act like im not that bothered an let her work for it… thats if there is any chance of getting back etc!


  50. My girl just broke up with me and I have a little bit of a problem with my family seeing her. My mom, sister, sister and law(also works with her), and niece all get their haircuts/hairstyle from her. Should they continue to go to her or go to another hair stylist at the same salon? Not sure what to do? should they all not go to her?


  51. Hi,

    After exactly 30 days of NC my EX Girlfriend calls drunk at 1.30am last night, she called off her friends phone. she said “guess who it is” so i said her name, she said she was on holiday with her friends on the first night an that she was sooo drunk. i was caught off guard as it was 1:30am an i was v tired an not very conversational, i basically said i had to go cos i was tired an had work in morning, which im sure she’ll appreciate! i just said that i hope you have a good time.

    She prob wont rememeber any of it in morning anyway.

    Just wanna know why do you reckon she phoned??

    Women are so confusing!!!!


  52. So here is my deal. I recognized all of the signs about a month before we broke up, I just kinda ignored them and pretended everything was alright. She finally called and recommended we have a talk, I told her I was actually inviting her over for that same thing (to fix the relationship instead of end it though). Seems she was tired of being in a relationship (I basically stole her away from some guy she was fixing to dump anyway so she had no single time). She is turning 21 in Feb and I know like most she probably wants to go be wild. To make matters worse I think that her best friend whom she lives with is the one pulling the strings and turning her against me. It’s been almost 2 weeks since the breakup and I call her from time to time, I invited her over this saturday to hang out and possibly have some drinks. I don’t know what to think about this since she still wants to be friends. Should I just stop calling and wait for her to give chase. Oh and the other problem, supposedly she is moving with her best friend to California. Is there any way to counter this beast that is her friend? I appreciate any advice you could offer.


  53. Yea I tried what number 8 said (kristy) it worked. I did it a coulpe of time to see what her reaction would be and they were all the same….If i see her after she be like “ohh soo somebody didnt call me back last night” or shed jsut try to rubit in they i didnt call her……Mind you this is months after we’ve broken up.


  54. my gf split up with me about a month ago. her reasons for splitting up was that she was not being treated properly. after a week of nc i asked to meet up to talk about things properly, she didnt want to as she said it was to early, but would let me know when she was ready. after another week i asked her again and she said she would see what she was upto at the weekend. anyway we met that weekend and talked things over. she came up with other reasons why she wanted to end it, which included doing things, on her own, she had never mentioned before,also that she thought i talked to one of my friends about our relationship, and she was a third person in our relationship(she is mentioned below.)
    a week and half later i was told she had mentioned to someone else at work that one my other female friends, also her friend, was one the reasons. i sent her a text to meet briefly later that day, not telling her why. she wanted to no what about, so i just told her about last week and not when we met up. she then replied that she wanted to leave it a few more weeks as she was still upset how things had happend, and asking if this about the afformentioned other friend.
    i replied saying that i didnt understand why she thought that she was part of our relationship.

    after a few more msges i said i was gonna stop because this couldnt be done properly via txt. she replied with a very angry txt (no other messges sent by either of us were angry). it included a personal insult. and saying she didnt want to get pi**ed of with me, but was angry about other people trying to get involved in what happend. after waiting 30mins i replied telling her that all i wanted was a quick chat, and that this is what she turned it into, and let her no how hurt i was at the comment, and gave her another suggestion of a cheap shot she could have at me.

    she replied saying that i new her reasons for ending it and why she was unhappy, and didnt no why other people had to get involved. and appologising that she hurt me and didnt mean to do it.
    i did not reply to this and 10mins later she sent another saying she so sorry. again i didnt reply. 1hr30mins later she sent another appologising again sying she didnt know who was her was her friend at the moment and wanted things t be ok between us.

    i replied saying this was what i wanted aswell.

    she replied again saying she was sick of other people sticking there noses in, again. then said sorry for the fact that she was over our relationship..

    i have now not had any contacted with her since. not even when i see her at work


  55. hey,

    I have recently split up with my girlfriend of 10 months…. Things started going a bit strange about 3 weeks before she actually dumped me. Her reasons were lacking really to say the least. About 2 weeks prior to my girlfriend acting strange she had moved back to Wales where she originally came from. Everything started getting strange after she had been home for about 2 weeks.

    She was being very unresponsive and moody without any reason. She started saying that she hadn’t missed me over the weekend. Originally this didn’t worry me too much because she had been working quite a lot and I would have been surprised if she had any time to think about anything other than work. Over the following couple of days I started to get very worried, she was not talking to me… hardly texting and certainly not being like the loving girlfirend that she had been not a week earlier.

    I was beside myself with worry and tried to do anything to show her how much she mean’t to me… but as I say 3 weeks after she started acting strangely she sent a message asking to come over so, ‘we could talk and she could collect her stuff’… She ended it saying she didn’t miss me and didn’t love me anymore. That made me feel terrible, I have been having a really hard time getting through this. and a couple of days following the break up she was still sending me text messages. After about a week of this I ended up phoning her and saying, please don’t contact me anymore it is too hard… So accepted that and said she would leave it up to me to make contact when I was ready.

    I now haven’t had any contact with her for a week.. and am sadly thinking it is beyond the point of no return, she has kept her word and hasn’t sent any messages or called me or anything. I loved this girl with all my heart and would have done anything to stop the break up. I don’t really know what to do with myself at the moment and it is proving harder than I ever imagined. Is there anythign I can do?

    I only wish I had found this website a couple of weeks ago.


  56. All these posts are very interesting to read. If you’d like to learn more, i suggest going to and look for the Players Guide. It pretty much talks about the same stuff and gives the same advice as was given on here. For those of you who think the way to win a woman, or to get her back, is by begging, submitting, providing gifts and flowers…its not. You really do need to act indifferent, and go out and get with as many women as you can. Although it is very, very hard to look past your ex at first and appreciate any other woman, it is essential that you do this so that even if your ex does not want you back, you have created a whole new set of options for yourself, as well as boosted your own self image. See the movie Swingers for more on this whole process…


  57. PS when she was breaking up with me she said… i hope you will still call me, and maybe in a couple of months(we work in IT and she had gone on a date with a customer before i stared working there, well his company decided to fire him and checked phone recoreds and noticed them calling each other, so they wanted another tech because they said she was a security risk) hope this makes sense its kinda confusing!!! PEACE


  58. james – it is very common for a girl to reassess her relationship after a long trip overseas. the time away seems to reinforce any negative feelings she may have been harboring about you. also, don’t exclude the possibility that she may have had a torrid fling with a welshman. for women, vacation often = excuse to fuck foreign man. in your GF’s case, she may have bumped into an old BF from her youth.

    I was beside myself with worry and tried to do anything to show her how much she mean’t to me

    there’s your biggest mistake. this undoubtedly made the situation worse.

    please don’t contact me anymore it is too hard…

    sincerity will not win you her love back. never let a girl know she got to you. let her contact you however much she wants. remember, you are indifferent to her. YOU choose whether to answer her texts.

    Is there anythign I can do?

    1. don’t contact her for another two weeks. when you do contact her keep it light and fun as if you were calling (or texting) an old friend.
    2. start pursuing new women. it is the ultimate palliative.


  59. Heres my situation, dated a girl for a month that i work with. She broke up with me because she is afraid we will get in trouble, possibly fired. She said it is totally work related, i could tell for first 2 1/2 weeks she was really into me, calling me holding hands and kissing a lot when i was over at her house, etc. Then it just stopped she started ignoring me and over the weekend broke up with me. I didnt handle it good, i cried like a little bitch. I just avoided her at work yesterday, and today i just decided that i am going to act like nothing has ever been better. Got a good haircut today, and going to get a tan tommorow and go out on the town over the weekend, figure its best to act like ive already moved on. So u think i have a chance, she definitly acted a lot different to me at work today, i was happy and upbeat and acted normal and i caught her staring at me real hard at one point in the day, and i broke eye contact. let me know hwat u think. THANKS A MILLION BRO FOR THIS SITE!!!!


  60. Stop being bitches!!!! Screw your ex! There’s tons of pussy out there! Get over these girls, we are all studs, not wimps, stop hoping, praying, wishing, doing voodoo, or any other freaky mind manipulation to get your ex back. Just be happy, yourself, and the pussy will come. BUILD YOURSELF, AND THE PUSSY WILL CUM!!


  61. Normally when I get dumped I don’t care all that much but in that case, I really don’t want to lose her. I’m 26 and I don’t want to spend my life meeting new people.

    I’m responsible for our break-up because I cheated. She had forgiven me, or so I thought. A month later, it fell apart.

    I’m gonna give her a month or so to contact me. I doubt it will happen, but I keep my hopes up. Either way, I trust I’ll be happier eventually if I just keep going.


  62. situation is prlly beyond the point of return..but still would appreciate ur n my ex dated for 2 yrs..n then after tht things got stale..since we never had time for eachother nemore..then she broke up saying she lost feelings..also her mother didnt approve of me and so we lost contact for 3 months prior to tht..after that..she officially ended things with me stating “i dont love u as a bf nemore..but i still love u as a person and care about u”..i was pissed so i hooked up with some girl that was sorta a known slut..and i rubbed it in her face..her reaction was complete indifference!..told me she WANTS me to move on..however..later i found out she was so pissed..she hooked up with her best friend tht same nite i told her..and ever since then..they hooked up a few more times..and me n her lost contact..this was bout 4 months ago..however recently we started tlkin again as friends..and she told me how she still feels like we’re going out cuz i have the “same positive effect on her life”..and she loves me as a person..but although shes not 100% over me..she has no feelings for me..and doesnt kno if she ever will..i was pissed when she said this..also i was pissed she still talks to her best friend she hooked up with (even though she assured me w/e they had was just a rebound and its over for good) now im trying the NC program..its been a week..this girl always tries to defend herself and hates it when im mad at her..and said probably the ONLY guy she actually cares about as her family..she always wants me to b happy n not upset with her..yet she denies ne feelings for me…i guess my prblm is i was always acting too needy with her..since i literally begged for a 2nd chance..what i dont get day she tells me she left me ONLY cuz her mom made us break up..n then the next day she changes her story to “i just dont love u nemore”..everyday its a diff advice? thanks


  63. ps – i always try to justify to her that the reason she lost feelings was cuz we never got to see eachother cuz she was too paranoid bout her mom..but she always says “it doesnt change the fact tht i lot them”..and now she wont evn spend time alone with me jus as friends..cuz she feels “akward” around me…but she is moving to an area very close to me away frm her mothers..and we will def run into eachother a lot..starting next week…should i act indifferent towards her..or give into her wanting to be “just friends” in hope her feelings will come back?..she told me straight out that she WANTS to hang friends tho..nothing more


  64. – she has a very big ego..she always takes it for granted that i will come running back to her..depite the fact she lies to me alot..cuz in the past i always have forgiven shes never afraid of losing me..she likes to think she has me in do i take back my balls


  65. right so heres the deal (any advice gladly accepted)

    my ex and i have been together for c. 1 1/2 years, it hasnt been plain sailing (i had a gf when i met her and messed with her emotions for quite some time before we actually got it on). we have been basically living together for the past six months until 2 months ago i cam home late (and drunk) and she kinda broke down crying telling me she needed a break. we have both been under a lot f work pressure…

    so anyway i pancied a bit…no contatc for three days then i texted n we talked on the phone…couple of days later we spoke again n followin nite we met up and were kissin but she said she still needed time…next day we met again, much better, we kissed, held hands and she texyed saying thanks for being fantastic…then we met the next day with friends…total disaster, she ran a mile….sincethen i left her loads of space n we finally met up about two weeks later…problem was that she took my space as lack of understanding situation n said she needed to see other people…she is very angry with me as i didnt always treat her right, she still has feelings for me and i know is sexually attracted but….

    anyway so last month no contact….been doing fine but serious guilt over my failings…so for some dumb reason i wrote her a long, depressing letter and sent it yesterday…the letter doesnt beg her to come back but does put me in a bad light….woke this morning pancing and texted her to try and ask her not to read it (had a ridiculous story prepared) but she did not respond….i fear i have totally blown my chances with her…i realise that if i had been cool from the start i could have sorted things but now the desperation has returned…should i just forget it and move on or would some proper n/c, plus seeing other people, gettin on with my own life dig me out of this hole…

    any advice gladly taken


  66. You’ve got to be kidding me — wow — how shallow this generation has become……..are people afraid of a giving, interdependent relationship — where you achieve more together than apart? Save you game playing for the sports field…. shower each other with real love….which is something you give to someone not a hormonal feeling. Demand some self respect, say how you really feel — including pissed off and taken for granted. I can tell you that a long term relationship – 35 years has many ups and downs, but it is in choosing to love and to rekindle that passion and do what it takes that makes it worthwhile. We still are frequently hot and at a level of intimacy that you’ll never understand at the rate you are going here. That said, it takes 2 special people to commit to a relationship == not one trying to make it work with an immature selfish person. My advise — when you have something good never take it for granted, and if you do rekindle it. A little isolation may make a point — but a whole relationship based on the strategy of indifference is a fools way. It’s not about winning but about giving something that comes back to you 2 fold.


  67. Well, she contacted me after two days. I slept at her place twice and got a little over-excited. I should’ve been more careful.

    Two days later, she went nuts and screamed that she needed space. She dumped me again. This time for good I think.

    I am devastated. I wonder I’ll make it through this one.


  68. Hi
    My hopes are gone up after reading on blogs here. But i am in strange situation. Me and my gf were in relationship more than a year now. We had minor clashes in our relationship where majority of them were related to my gf’s sensitive nature. We had awesome moments which i recall everyday. My gf got pregnant and she has to do abortion as we both are in college. But it didnt bother our relationship that much. In May, my gf parents came from india. Her parents are from rich side and my family is still settling our lives here in US. Her mom started brainwashing my gf’s mind by emotional blackmailing saying, ” You know i have asthma and i get ashtma attacks. Do you really want to see me dead.” ( I know this as my ex gf mentioned to me once). Here her mom, cousin sister, and her aunt played with her mind and demolish all the feelings that she had for me. She is giving me reasons staying cold saying that she does not have same feelings for me, she dont love me anymore, she dont see me with her in future.” I know that is not true. As we lived our romantic life with love and joy besides few clashes.
    Now i love her so much that i didnt stop bugging her. I cried and blocked out few times. I cant eat, sleep or concentrate on my studies at all. I feel burden on my chest of dropping my child and having night mares of it. I try to talk over with my ex but she is cold hearted and does not even want to listen to me. I feel miserable and worst by her silence and hating people who really thought of breaking sweet relationship into pieces. Currently her parents dont know of the abortion but it is not good to hide as this might turn into a big issue for my ex in future life. Her husband might start taunting her after few years of marraige and that will make her parents let down. I cant see that as i really love her. I NOW I NEED SOMETHING MAGICAL TO HAPPEN IN MY LIFE. I NEED SUGGESTIONS TO HELP ME OUT TO GET MY EX GF BACK. I AM SORRY FOR MY BAD ENGLISH BUT I HOPE EVERYBODY WILL UNDERSTAND MY PROBLEM AND TRY TO HELP ME OUT. PLEASE EMAIL ME ON [email protected]



  69. My partner of eleven years left me for another guy she met through work in late July. Everything was going great but during July I noticed the tell tale signs. She was distant, no interested in sex etc etc. I spoke to her to try and find out what the problem was but she tried to blame trivial things in our relationship. I knew it must be more than this and she then eventually told me she had met someone else. She was not seeing him and amazingly had only met him once! I think he is either a colleague at another office troughout the country or a client. So she may have had contact with this guy for many months and when they met they have clicked. She said “he may be the one” she was absolutley besotted about him. She was like a teenage girl I couldn’t reason with her. she is 30yrs old. I love her dearly and we also have a 9yrs old girl. They are now dating and she has even stayed over at his place and introduced my daughter to him. What I need to know is if my relatioship is recoverable with her. I have not contacted her at all other than txt mess regarding my child. I have not called, begged or been angry I am just heartbroken. I have not shown my feelings to her at all and have told her I have “let her go” The pain is easing but any advise for a reconciliation would be appreciated.


  70. Hi,

    First and formeost, i apologise for the lenght of the letter but I would really appreciate any information or advice that would help me in my situation to get my ex back. To summarise it up, i was going out with a beautiful girl for 8 months and things where going great, after Christmas of last year, i was two timing her with a work colleague that i hooked up at a christmas party

    Basically the work colleague was a substitute to physical side that i wasnt really getting off my girlfriend, i know in my heart and soul it was wrong, but it was exciting. I would text my work colleague when i was out with my girlfriend on numerous occassions to see how we were. Realistically speaking i knew there was going to be no future with my work colleague but it still continued on while my girlfriend knew nothing.

    Due to the stress of the fling and my girlfriends rantings on that i wasnt spending enough time with her, i ended the relationship back in July of this year. It was a messy breakup and tears were shed by both parties.

    Now heres the real stupid bit from me which has probably jeopardised all my chances, after the breakup i basically went on the beer with all my friends and work buddies, i was sort of enjoying this new found freedom, but there was also the thought of the womn whom i actually did love, my ex girlfriend, back in her house all alone.

    On about 4 different occassions i texted her to meet up , to see if she wanted to chat and she agreed, only for me to stupidly pull out at the last minute and do something else.

    We hooked up at the end of August and at this stage, it was already finished with my work colleague 2 months back, i decided to bide my time for another 3 weeks as it was her birthday on the September 15th, i had planned to suprise her with a trip to Rome and also a way to say im so sorry for acting like an idiot and that things were back on track.

    However to my dismay, i found out she was dating another bloke, as you can imagine , i was devasted and according to her sisters boyfirend, she seemed to like this guy and was getting on great great with him. I was gutted and what i did was what all blokes and guys did , which was send flowers, texts and letters. I sent a letter over to her house one night and got a text stating that she doesnt want me to go near the house again and she told me to f*** off.!!!!

    Finally last Friday 7th, i was out on my own and happened to be in a bar where i saw her, with a group of guys, i tapped her on the shoulder and asked “how was she”, she turned around and said fine, i also offered a drink which she declined. Now i could have done a lot worse, but i decided to do the noble thing and head home. The following day i texted her to see if she wanted to head for a coffee and have a chat, all i was asking was her to hear me out for 5 minutes and to explain my side of the story. I then got a text back stating, “please leave me alone, we are not together anymore, and if you did notice i am with someone* and if you keep up this texting, i will have to involve other people”.

    (*that someone i didnt even know, i didnt even know what the guy looked like in the group , so i couldnt tell)

    Naturally i was shocked and i replied back that i was sorry and i was happy for her(wrong thing to say obviously!!) and that i would’nt text her again. Its just that im devastated the way the whole scenario has gone, yeah i did wrong by cheating on her with a work colleague, but when i did bide my time, i realised, this was the girl of my dreams, who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with and thats why i planned the trip to Rome to get things back on track, as a result of the whole process, i’ve lost 2 stone in weight and havent been able to eat and sleep properly.

    Please guys/girls, is there anything i can do to win her back, i know she said “please leave me alone in her last text, but what can i do to make her come back to me and to say im so sorry, im lost without her i really am.

    Any advice i would really appreciate it, im sorry for the lenght of the letter, but i really need advice to help me out and how to get back with her, thanks



  71. haze – despite common wisdom, families cannot make girls lose their love for their boyfriends. if she fell out of love with you, it is for other reasons and she is using her family’s complaints as a convenient rationalization. abortion is tricky and can sometimes mess with a girl’s head to the point that she projects all her bad feelings about it onto you. it sounds to me like you are too emotionally invested in this girl for my program to work.

    masymas – if your ex has already introduced your daughter to her new BF, then there is nothing you can do. it is too far gone. anyhow, would you really want to be with such an unfaithful bitch? be a man and get a woman who deserves you!

    mikec – you suffer from a classic case of “loving what you can’t have”. this happens to a lot of guys. only when your GF is gone and you have no one else lined up do you wistfully remember the good things about her. you start to believe you really did love her, but the truth is, if you loved her that much you probably would not have maintained an illicit affair with another woman while seeing her. nor would you have been happy for the “newfound freedom” after the breakup.

    you definitely blew it by sending flowers. you see, after you leave a girl, the worst thing you can do is try too hard to win back her love. she will think, justifiably, that you are only acting out of desperation to be with her pussy again. it is *especially* difficult to win back an ex who has already moved on to another man. my program only works when she is still single.

    asking to tell your “side of the story” is a classic thing that all heartbroken guys do. you are not alone in doing this. it is also appealing to her logical side which will NEVER work on a woman.

    when she told you to “fuck off”, that was the nail in the coffin. there is nothing left for you to do except go meet new women and forget about your ex. i know how much it hurts, but you really have no other choice but to completely free your mind of her and hit on other women.


  72. First, I need to say I apologize for the length of my post, but I am truly in love and feel like my partner is making a mistake. I really would appreicate it if you put all of your wisdom and advice into this one. Please.

    Once again please, please read my post carefully. I want to follow your adivce but I by no means want to push her away and blow my chances. For starters, we have been going out for over two years. She is my first SERIOUS GF and I am her first SERIOUS BF (thus, first loves). About a month and a half ago, things started turning bad towards my GF and I. I saw the warning signs, but always pushed them away and tried making things “right” between us. I was always the optimist. She was more pracitcal and realistic, which made it harder to work things out. Well anyway I always took her for granted. I really NEVER thought she would dump me. We used to laugh and have so much fun, but now she dumped me. She wrote notes to me like “we will always be together” and frequently told me that i was “the one.”

    Well, about two weeks ago, she told me we were through. She left my house and didn’t give me an explanation. When I started pleading with her, she said, “this just isn’t working, you are a great guy, but I’m not in love with you.” I tried being persistent and she told me to move and that she didn’t want to be a bitch. So I just turned and walked away from her. She said, “Don’t go please.” Then she just drove away.

    Well a week and a half went by and although this sounds stupid, we were still listed as “in a relationship” on facebook. So naturally, I thought everything was okay and that she would soon call to fix things. Well what do you know, this past Friday, (4 days ago) she put “single” on her profile. Needless to say, I was crushed and acted like a WUSS and called her, left her a voicemail and said that I just needed closure to know why things went bad. Well, she called me back about 5 minutes later and I tried talking to her, but to no avail. She kept saying, “NO, we are not getting back together, I’m content with my decision.” I tried everything (WUSS) and it didn’t work. So I just gave up and said goodbye. I was so crushed because it seemed like she was just over me like that.

    Well the next day, I was being a WUSS and sent her a facebook message writing to her one of the notes she wrote me about how when I got back home from school (June 2007), we would always be together. She messaged me back and said that we needed to stop talking or we would never get over each other. She also said, “don’t make me block you.” I messaged her once more and said, “look I’ve been a good bf to you, the least you could do is let me see you before I go on my interview on Tuesday, just so my head is clear and so that we can say goodbye and get closure.” She said fine and that she would text me. This was at 10:30 AM

    At this point, I just realized all hope was lost and started reading her notes she wrote to me. At around 1:30 PM, as I was reading the notes, she called me crying, saying how she was sorry and that she didn’t want me to hate her. She also kept telling me to “learn from this relationship.” By learn she meant, don’t be jealous/possessive/unsupportive in my next relationship. I kind of prodded around seeing if we could try again and she said “I don’t know” but essentially, the answer was NO. She did say though, “I don’t know how I feel, my feelings may change for you tomorrow.” Of course I was optimistic by this. She then asked if I wanted to see her. I flipped it on her asking if she wanted to see me. She started sounding all weird so I just said, “if you want to see me, call me later tonight.”

    So around 6:30 PM, she called me and we talked for another hour about things. She was still upset, saying how everything reminded her of me. She said though, we need to stop talking or, “we will never move on.” Is this bad or do I have a chance? At the same time though, she needed to hear my voice. We got off the phone saying, “I love you,” but I think hers was not one that meant, “I’m in love with you.”

    So I’m not going to lie, I felt SO much better after hearing her cry–it proved she wasn’t as heartless as I thought after all. Well, of course on Sunday (the next day) I was getting lonely and sent her an e-mail, seeing if I could ask her a question about how to approach my interview. I asked if I could call and she said, “ok.” So I got my question out of the way and asked how she was doing. She sounded better than Saturday. She said this was because she went out shopping with her mom and sister. Well, of course I started prodding as to what went wrong. She then told me that I essentially suffocated her and that she wanted to be alone now. She said I was a great guy, but she didn’t want anyone to answer to at this point in her life and that my actions affected how she felt about me. She said that me not going out with her cousins/family made her really upset and that she wanted to go on vacation to see her family and how she never wanted to go because I would just get mad. Finally, she said that she never went out with her friends because she didn’t want me to get jealous. She said that I depended on her for too much. At the same time though, she admitted that I had been making changes in my jealousy over the past months, but the feelings she felt were still fading. This summer, she also hit me with, “you are so lax about getting a job,” and all of that bullshit. I mean come on I JUST GRADUATED CHILL! She admitted to me once that that was one of the reasons she didn’t know if it would work between us. However, she also added that that WAS NOT the main reason, and that her feelings (as well as her) have changed towards me. Over the last month and a half, she would often hit me with the “how do we know if we’re meant for each other, I don’t want to make a mistake.” I would reassure her, but I never wanted to force her. Well, Sunday night, I tried everything under the sun to convince her I could change. She just kept saying, “No I want to be alone now, please just go live your life, don’t wait for me, I may change my mind BUT DON’T WAIT for me.” Then she said, “we need to move on or we will never stop talking, maybe one day we can be friends, but not for a while.” Then once she said, “I need to see what I want in a guy.” I was like, “WHAT?” Then she changed what she meant and said, “I mean, I need to see what will make me happy. I love you but I am 21 (almost 22) years old and want to enjoy my youth. I’m not saying I want to go to bars and clubs, but I want to travel. Honestly, if I knew you were the one, I would have NO problem being with you, but I don’t know if you are at this point in my life, so go on and live your life, don’t wait.” Towards our, “goodbye” I told her how every song, and everything in general reminded me of her. She choked back tears and said the same. Needless to say, I was crushed.

    I knew I shouldn’t have called her, even my sister and cousin said that was the wrong strategy. We left off on Saturday saying how she needed space and by Sunday she was saying, “The answer is no, we are broken up right now, you are not listening to me, you are saying one thing and I am saying NO, please I don’t want to be a bitch but we need to stop talking.” So once again, I gave up.

    Well I didn’t call her Monday–I was too busy preparing for my interview today (Tuesday). Well last night at around 8:30, I get an e-mail from her with two Microsoft Word documents with interview tips. She wrote, “Hey, check the attachments, not sure if you have them…good luck tomorrow…you will do great!!! I did NOT respond to the e-mail.

    Today (Tuesday) was my interview at 11:00 AM. I KNEW she would text me. She texted me at 10:30 AM saying “Good Luck!” I have not responded to this either. It is currently 2:30 PM.

    My question is, what strategy do I pursue now? Do I return her text and simply say, “Thank you?” What if I don’t return the text and she calls? What if she e-mails me?

    I NEED TO STRESS– MY GF HAS A LOT OF PRIDE, I’M NOT SURE IF THE TECHNIQUES EXPRESSED HERE WILL WORK TO MY ADVANTAGE OR BACKFIRE! I DON’T WANT HER TO JUST GIVE UP AND GET OVER ME. At the same time though, we were each others first true loves and dated for more than 2 years. I keep thinking that in a month she will be over me (because of her PRIDE and becuase she often kept her emotions in check), but at the same time, she’s a girl and she has to be thinking about me right? I don’t want her to just give up on me! When she called me on SAT, she said that the two weeks (earlier) that we didn’t talk were okay because she was busy with stuff, but on SAT she was lonely. I don’t want her to want me because she’s simply “lonely.” I want lonely to mean I miss your love, I miss US.

    How do I follow this program effectively? I’ve listed all of my questions and concerns, now the problem is effective implementation. Remember, this is a UNIQUE case, she has pride, I don’t want to push her away!

    Also, her pride and communication issues seem like a nasty combo. She always expects me to speak and fix things. How do I avoid this and get it out of her?

    Do I just stop cold turkey responding to her? I don’t want her to think I’m avoiding her, that is childish. I also don’t want to play the whole, “oh i have a hot date” game. NO we had a close, loyal, loving relationship.

    What if she asks, do you miss me? What do I say?

    Is the program ABSOLUTELY no contact for 21 days? 30 days? Once again, I’m not trying to push her away or SCREW this up.

    What if by day 10 she is crying for me? What about even earlier– Day 5? Is this risky to try and work things out this soon? Should I make her sweat? I don’t want her to want to get back and then change her mind!

    If she wants to make things right, how do I go about facilitating the process? I don’t want to look desparate.

    Finally, she first stopped talking to me 2 weeks ago. Then she did that whole facebook bullshit on friday, and we spoke. She said on Friday (when she seemed indifferent) that “I thought it was clear we were done.” Does that count as two weeks or does the PROGRAM START NOW?

    Finally, by getting a job in this corporation, will that improve her view/appeal of me/increase my chances of winning her back? Her company is actually only 10 mins from where my “potential company is.” BTW I made sure I did well on the interview.

    I want to change and show her I will never be jealous, possessive, unsupportive ever again! However, she told me on Sunday (last time we spoke live over phone), that, “I just think too much damage has been done”

    The final big question–Have I lost her for good? Is there a chance to get her back? I love her so much and want her to feel like she used to feel for me but I’m scared she will never want that again. She’s hard headed and may just be like, “NO I don’t want to be in that situation again–I’m not risking it”

    So, about her text what do I do. Please provide me with a DETAILED response to all my questions and feelings. I need confidence, support, and most importantly ANSWERS! PLEASE HELP A HEARTBROKEN GUY!


  73. Whats a good method of using push-pull attraction with a women??


  74. please respond


  75. come on man this is my most desperate of times! it’s been 12 days no word!


  76. from her


  77. rick –
    also her mother didnt approve of me and so we lost contact for 3 months prior to tht

    forget about her mother. that’s just an excuse. if she really loved you the mother would have no leverage over your relationship with her.
    but after reading your story, it sounds to me like there was too much back and forth. you were seeing her, then not seeing her, then seeing her again. this, plus the 3 months off before the formal breakup speech, tells me that you are being strung along as an emotional support for her. do you want to be used like an emotional tampon?
    then stop all contact with her. my program is optimized for breakups that happen once, not for seesaw-ing breakups that go on for months.

    since i literally begged for a 2nd chance

    this is a killer. once you have begged, there is almost no chance of rekindling the love.

    should i act indifferent towards her..

    you shouldn’t be *acting* anything. your very wording says that you are all tied up with feelings for this girl.
    do you *act* with your male friends?
    no, of course not.
    that is how you should be around her.
    treat her like a male friend or a cool girl you just met and like to flirt with. be CHILL and the FUN GUY she once knew.

    or give into her wanting to be “just friends” in hope her feelings will come back?

    first, get rid of hope. hope will drive your emotions crazy.
    second, being “just friends” will NOT win her back. she’ll sense that you are just using friendship as a pretext to get back with her.
    third, do what YOU want.
    do you really want to be her friend?
    then be it!
    if not, then don’t.
    that is the way of the man.
    of course, her offering friendship to you does give you an opportunity to play some head games with her.
    tell her you want to be friends, but every time she calls to ask if you want to hang, keep turning her down because you “have a date planned at that time”. if you do this completely nonchalantly, it will make her wonder.


  78. anon –
    Whats a good method of using push-pull attraction with a women??

    physically pushing her off your lap.
    lifting her hand off when she touches your arm.
    dancing with her then walking away first.
    stopping the kissing first.

    say these things while doing the above:
    “heh, that’s too much lap time for you. don’t be lazy, stand up. I’m not santa claus. anyhow, you should be giving me gifts.”
    “hands off, this stuff ain’t free.”
    “whoa, not so fast. you have to wine and dine me first.”
    “hey, slow down, i’m not some floozy you can just do with as you please.”

    you get the idea. basically, take what women normally say and turn it around to use against them.


  79. diesel –
    and tried making things “right” between us.

    trying to make things right will only succeed in making things wrong.

    She wrote notes to me like “we will always be together” and frequently told me that i was “the one.”

    don’t be surprised how quickly a girl can do a 180 on her feelings for you.
    real, true love can disappear like a shadow.

    I tried being persistent

    bad move. in breakups, persistence is self-defeating.

    we were still listed as “in a relationship” on facebook.

    girls will sometimes do this to avoid having to answer questions about the breakup from her friends. don’t read too much into that.

    She also kept telling me to “learn from this relationship.”

    i once had an ex-gf tell me those EXACT same words.
    we did not get back together.

    So I’m not going to lie, I felt SO much better after hearing her cry–it proved she wasn’t as heartless as I thought after all.

    it proves she’s not heartless, but it doesn’t prove she wants you back.
    i’ve had exes cry on me during breakups. girls will sometimes cry when the drama of hurting you works up their emotions into a rich lather.

    Finally, she said that she never went out with her friends because she didn’t want me to get jealous. She said that I depended on her for too much.

    alright, it sounds like she is giving you some valuable, sincere feedback on your relationship. my experience is that when an ex is being real with me it means she is completely over me and feels comfortable enough to tell it like it is.
    be glad you are getting this information from her; it will make you a better man for the next girl.

    My question is, what strategy do I pursue now? Do I return her text and simply say, “Thank you?” What if I don’t return the text and she calls? What if she e-mails me?

    do nothing.
    you have already dug way too deep a hole.
    cease all contact with her.

    Do I just stop cold turkey responding to her? I don’t want her to think I’m avoiding her, that is childish. I also don’t want to play the whole, “oh i have a hot date” game.

    don’t return her messages just to talk for the sake of talking unless she has a specific question for you. if she does, answer her in a cordial, unaffected way, as if everything that has gone down with her was just a blip on the radar screen of your life.
    if you want, return her messages like you would return a message from a guy friend — funny, glib, SUCCINCT.
    and don’t worry about playing the “i have a hot date” game. as long as you don’t seem like you are saying it to make her jealous, it is OK to mention it in passing VERY CASUALLY if she asks you what you’ve been up to lately.
    an example of that is this:

    HER: so how’s life with you?
    YOU: not bad. had the interview. went well. saw that movie XYZ. my date said it was horrible. i shoulda warned her it wasn’t a chick flic. but you know how selfish i can be!

    What if she asks, do you miss me? What do I say?

    “aww, that’s so cute! it’s like we’re having a dramatic movie moment.”

    if she asks again, say:

    “sure, OK already, i miss you! sheesh!”

    Once again, I’m not trying to push her away or SCREW this up.

    you can’t push away someone who had already pushed herself away.

    If she wants to make things right, how do I go about facilitating the process?

    she won’t.
    but if she did
    do nothing.
    she has to come back to you of her own volition.

    I don’t want to look desparate.

    i’m afraid it’s too late for that.

    Finally, by getting a job in this corporation, will that improve her view/appeal of me/increase my chances of winning her back?


    The final big question–Have I lost her for good?

    my final answer?
    yes, you have lost her for good.
    you can try my program but i fear it will be a waste of your emotional energy to continue thinking about how to win her back. she is too far gone.
    your energy is better spent meeting other girls.


  80. this early post has some great back and forths between student and master. THIS DIALOGUE is the essence of chateau. before all the gay shittery and trolls.

    i started reading this blog the day you started it. i appreciate your help and wisdom. you have definitely changed my life for the better.

    thanks, and all the best. cheers.


  81. this early post has some great back and forths between student and master. THIS DIALOGUE is the essence of chateau. before all the gay shittery and trolls.

    i agree. the comments were much better back in the day. i may take drastic measures soon to raise the comment standards to where they once were.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. Hey,
    Heres the problem,i’m hoping you can give me some advice.Me and my girl were dating for 9 months,things were going as planned,she even asked me to move in with her around the 7 month mark,I honestly felt like we argued too much,and i did’nt see myself with her long term,so I denied her,saying that it was just too early for that big a step.Within that timeframe(around the 5-7 moth mark) I noticed our sex life took a BIG hit,and she constantly argues and bitched over the most insignificat matters, then she starts telling me about her friend’s boyfriend’s and how great they are.I could see she was losing attraction and her love was starting to fade.As i predicted a short time later we have the break-up talk.She says ” you make me happy and treat me well,I feel so comfterble around you,but I feel like I dont love you the same way you love me,and I’m leading you on”She request some space at this point.Well,we work together,but this week coincedently enough I happen to be going to anther store for the week.I want to get her back and I’ve been getting mixed signals,after her request for space i did’nt call her for a few days,then I broke down and sent her a tex,we chatted briefly via tex,I told her I was at the movies with my friends,and she was actually upset i was watching a movie with them that we were supposed to see,I told her I thought she didnt want to hang out anymore,and she repied “I do,but as friends for now”well i cut it short and stopped texing her,now its only day 3 and I feel i still have a chance to salvage things,Im just hoping you can give me some advice here.Thanks


  83. P.S. she called me last night around 1:30,but I did’nt answer,she left a message asking”have you got any of my tex(which I actually did’nt,that seems to happen sometimes for some reason),well I guess your ignoring me”then hung up.Do I wait for a second call and pick that one up,or should I return her call?


  84. Eric – You’d be better off putting this question in the comments section of one of the newer posts if you want a prompt response.


  85. h said

    it is *especially* difficult to win back an ex who has already moved on to another man. my program only works when she is still single.

    And there’s the rub.

    After you end things with her, you will be tempted to re-initiate contact with her. You will be worried that she is slipping away, that she will run into someone else’s arms.

    But the thing is, you have to accept this might happen. You have to truly allow for the fact that you could lose her. When you do that, she can *feel* it. If you don’t do that, if you don’t risk truly losing her forever, she’ll feel *that* too.

    You truly need to let her go and come to terms with the fact that she may walk. Only once you reach this congruence inside yourself–and demonstrate it to her–will you then have the upper hand if the relationship starts again.

    When and if the relationship starts again, there will be an entirely different perspective.

    YOU WALKED AWAY FROM HER. And she knows it.

    But for this to work, you truly have to walk away from her. You truly have to let the relationship die somewhat. If you don’t, you will be right back where you started.

    This is great advice for a dying relationship. Follow it.



  86. Dammit! Why couldn’t I have found this site a month and a half ago. No. Make that freaking 3 months ago when the signs started showing up (in hindsight, they were all there!) Ugh. Oh well, win some, lose some.


  87. With my ex we are from different countries which we i would gonna move soon.She dumped me by saying i am not creative,not moving and beer drinker and got kilos etc.all were right at first day when she dumped me we got emotional talk like even crying both side she told me she loves me but not fall in love with me.after it we talked one more day and it was about her new hair cut and we were so normal .and then is topped talking to her.after 2 days i called her she was at club i guess and drunk,i just said i wondered you if you are ok good night.than for a week i was offline and no contact rule.then she textted me what i did how u see situation not to get confused i replied i was with firends and idi dnot think about sitaution so i dont know.then after few days i got online by mistake at skype after waiting half an hour i felt it ll be inmature not to wirte i wrote how the bee is the doing there and we chatted 5 minutes she aske dme how i am i said bomba and smile i talked in nice way i stop it short i said i ll go bed get tired.after that i saw at facebook she added 2 guys as firends i got crazy but idi dnot contact she sitll keeps some of our together picture there i dont know what to do am i going well by tactic??


  88. Ok, so this is going to be a little bit different.

    Maybe a new challenge, and maybe just something to be forgotten.

    Suffice to say that I would not bother to post this here if I was not serious as hell about taking my best possible chance to reconcile things with her. I will spare everyone the usual ‘love, love, love, la, la, la’ confessions. I know my feelings for her very well and they are what they are. It has led me to explore different avenues in the hopes of breaking outside the mold of the usual and saving what we had before.

    I will get this out of the way up front- this was a relationship that was initiated online. People have their prejudices and preconceptions about that, and it is fine. I feel no need to defend or justify the validity of what we have shared. This disclaimer is only used as a method of creating an accurate starting point from which to begin my situation.

    As if falling for a woman online was not enough alone, let us also add in that she was also married at the time when I first met her. We did not meet on any sort of dating site or anything like that. Suffice to say that we shared similar interests and happened accross each other in the most innocent and unexpected of ways.

    I will skip over a lot of boring details here. The end result was that we fell for each other. She claimed that she and her then husband did not have any major issues at the time. However, they seemed to start to have issues at the same time that I started to express my interest in her. IT was unfair in a way. I was the perfect, ideal ‘other man’ that could do no wrong because I was not really there, while her real life husband just sank himself into a deeper and deeper hole by ignoring her.

    We ended up seeing each other before she was ever divorced. She came to see me, and the intensity created by the two of us coming together was greater than the shockwave created when lighting strikes twice.

    She ended up coming to see me a second time. And later I flew up to see her and every time that we met, it was more of the same. We only seemed to grow and mature in our fascinating mixture of need and love and lust for each other. In short, she was everything that I ever hoped for. I told her as much, and yet at the same time, I feel that I did not castrate myself for the sake of my emotions. I told her that I loved her almost non stop, but I also called her ‘my good little girl’ and played out rape fantasies with her and basically did my part to keep the sexual tension between us at a level that exceeded all expectations.

    So it came to pass that we had to talk about who was moving where in order to keep the relationship alive. Naturally, long distance sucks. It ended up being decided that I would move to her. Mind you, this was all done before her divorce from her then-husband was even final. She had left him already in all but legality but the dirty work of finishing it all up still had to be done.

    A couple of different things hit us.

    When her divorce was final, it seemed to really hit her hard. I couldn’t really understand her feelings that well at the time. I mean, in my mind, she was letting go of someone who had treated her like a bitch, and had a chance to be with someone who took her to new heights that she had never experienced before in her life. Marriage had a very powerful meaning to her though, and it all seemed to run up against her when the finality of it al struck home. Also, I had met her family and she had met mine by this point. She had convinced her parents to invite me to come with them to Hawaii for vacation and she wanted me to move up there with her and go on vacation with them all at once.

    Fuck, I would be on my way to Hawaii right now if I had just taken the plunge and said yes to everything.

    As it was, I was cautious and wanted to hold back a bit. It peeved me a bit that she was so against moving to be with me, and yet seemed so expectant of me moving to be with her. (nevermind that she was in a much better city). I wanted to try and hold on until spring and allow myself enough time to contribute to my monetary nest egg that I could make the move to her and not lose anything in the realm of comfort as far as what I could afford. I wanted to still have enough funds in reserve to appear like I was in control of everything. The thought of having myself have to depend on her (and her money from the divorce) repelled me. The last thing I felt I would want to do is bear even the slightest resemblance to leaching on to her.

    Not too long after I flew up to see her, she seemed to start changing. I was slow to catch on. My gut instincts were running rampant, and I let it slide. I recognize now that this was stage one, where I should have started playing my cards right and anticipating her irrational emotions.

    It wasn’t long before we had the talk where I was told ‘I still love you, but I don’t know if I am still IN love with you’

    I had reacted with passion to her initial requests for space in the relationship. All I heard was ‘I want to move away from you’ and I panicked. I tried to push my way back into her life, and my every attempt backfired. I took her, and our relationship for atypical, and found out that it followed a more typical path at every step of the way when I tried to force things.

    *skips over more boring details*

    I have kind of been on the right track in that I have attempted to remain possitive with her. However, I have strayed in that I have contacted her, and never been the last one to send a message. I also tried to recreate the past by sending her a long, involved poem inspired by her. The worst yet far is that I talked to her on the phone while I was filthy drunk and let all of my frustrations loose upon her. She now feels like I do not respect her at all. I basically called all of her reasons for leaving me ‘bs’ and insinuated that she had used me as a crutch while leaving her ex, only to toss me aside later.

    Before this major fuckup, it seemed as though I was making some progress with her. I Consider today day one. I am not going to contact her. I want to try and regain her trust, and if at all possible her heart.

    Perhaps it is too far gone, and if that is the case, I welcome all opinions that wish to confirm such. However, for so long as there is any hope, I am going to hold out and see what I can do to have the chance to hold her in my arms again.

    While I tend to paint things from my own perspective, there is much that is good and pure in her. I never called her ‘my good baby girl’ for nothing. Maybe I was just a distraction, but I refuse to believe so. Whatever it takes from this point to get back to her again, I promise I will chance, just for the sake of the hopes of success


  89. Its been exactly 8 day’s since her cutting it off “break up” email to me. I sent her a voice mail and email apologizing for any hurt I caused her by the joke and emphasized it was a joke and lets just move on. I reassured I meant no disrespect or unkindness. These two were sent the day after I received her email.

    I went NC for about 5 days and then shot her another upbeat voice mail telling her about a exciting thing that happened to me, wished her a good day and then mentioned that I agree it is good that we are calling it quits. I may have also sent a SMS or two earlier in the 5 day period.

    All communications I send emphasize compassionately (not pleadingly) that I apologize for hurting her feelings…but I have never, ever, asked or suggested she take me back or anything of that nature. Seriously, I just want her to know that I did not mean anything bad by the joke and that I really did have a nice time with her. I’m not apologizing to her in a manipulative way so she will take me back..and I think what I feel inside shines through in my communication.

    I did, however, suggest we meet in person to talk this over. Anyway, She absolutely has not responded to any of them….everyone here seems to be able to get their girl to respond to them! This girl will not!

    What do you do if she goes completely silent? And what influence does the very short timespan of our knowing each other have on the NC strategy? I have a feeling there should be some modifications because how will a girl miss you if she has not formed strong attachment? She was very affectionate however and I feel we made a connection. Tomorrow will be the 9th day post breakup email. comments??

    thnks, D


  90. Would be nice to get some opinions on the salvage ability or odds of getting back together/course of action to get back together of a little talked about situation an ultra short term “relationship”. – about 2-3 weeks. are the details

    First date no previous contact was excellent, great chemistry, passionate kissing

    call and email by her “had great time can’t wait to talk to you again”

    Second meeting about 10 days later..she invites me over late at night/early morning, massage, cuddling, close intimate time (hours) though no sex.

    email by her next day “great seeing you last night just giving you the heads up might need to contact you for consulting again .

    However, after I received that email but before I checked my email to see it I sent her a text(SMS) with what I thought was a friendly joking message about how she was so seductive..joking that she was the femme fatale that took advantage of the innocent guy that evening (an ironic joke). I felt we had a close enough rapport to handle this plus we had developed several inside jokes and plus she is a witty person and she is very physically attractive.

    The following day she drops the bomb…after reading the text(SMS) message she regretted having me over and that comment turned things sour for her/felt uncomfortable and she shut everything down “you are a nice person, good luck”. LOL (I say).

    Okay then, knowing specifically ruined things should make this straightforward right? What is the plan of action (timeline, actions, etc.) to re-establish communication and get things back on track? This has to be approached differently than a longer term relationship because there are very few attachments/feelings. My intuition says NC is not appropriate, right?

    Thanks in advance!


  91. What about this kind of attitude:

    Just sending a message like this which is treating her like a bad little girl (calling her bluff)

    “Stop with your tests..I can see right through them!”


    “you had me going there for a while, but now I see you are just playing games” so stop it because I am not amused and they are not working anyway….you are wasting your time.

    comments? on this kind of attitude when she does not reply…furthermore, I have heard that women will test you by even breaking up for no reason..just to see how you handle it….have you heard of that?


  92. Everyone!,

    Does this “no contact” strategy work with new relationships where 2 people don’t know one another well and have not formed strong attachments?

    What are your thoughts/experiences.



  93. David – I am far from any expert as I merely came by here looking for input myself, but if there is not enough history there for her to really know you, and something you said made her uncomfortable, then any calling/texting/emailing is only going to reinforce that impression. You get maybe one message in to try and explain yourself better and if that fails, then game over.

    Starting to feel that my cause is already lost also, but nothing else to do but wait it out and see. I wish I had come accross some of this information last month. Amazing how much passion can blind you. Amazing how women can be such radiators of the irrational.


  94. Has anyone else actually had any real success trying this?


  95. you are a fucking genius! I recently went through a break up, reverted back to really really low beta behaviors, fell into the pit, etc etc etc. I was talking to my brother on the phone one day though and he sent me the link to this site. THIS POST HAS CHANGED ME! Personally, I don’t want the girl anymore, I just want her to want me. Trying it out.

    Also I have never laughed so hard, and been so inspired by your other posts. On the road to reaching Alphahood.


  96. This is the first post I’ve made, but I need to add some observations.
    When a woman uses the “love but not in love” extremely cliche statement, it’s because she doesn’t want to feel bad about dumping you. The last time this was used on me, I laughed and asked her if she was a little slow on the uptake. She asked what I meant. I told her “I haven’t been around very much for awhile, thought you’d figure it out by now”. Often this is used for a shit test, and within an hour she was crying and saying she didn’t mean it. If they ever tell you this or some variation of it, you are far better turning it around and/or just laughing. If she is serious, she never got a satisfying reaction out of you, because you stopped it cold and turned it around. If you make the mistake of showing any emotion, it will be the equivalent of showing your throat to the mad slasher. In any case if you wanted the relationship to continue, look up and say, “OK, what’s for dinner” or anything like this. A positive or negative response is still an emotional one, which she is looking for. Never give it to her.


  97. Tanis
    “I couldn’t really understand her feelings that well at the time. I mean, in my mind, she was letting go of someone who had treated her like a bitch, and had a chance to be with someone who took her to new heights that she had never experienced before in her life.”

    You’ve never heard the victim stories? Ever occur to you that you’re hearing one side? She’s married and starting an emotional/sexual relationship with you? What’s wrong with this picture? Wonder why her husband was ignoring her? Guys get royally screwed in divorce here, which is the number one reason the number of marriages has taken a nose dive. I wonder what stories she used to hook her husband?


  98. David
    “All communications I send emphasize compassionately (not pleadingly) that I apologize for hurting her feelings”

    An apology for hurting her feelings is begging (pleading). They smell beta blood in the water immediately–this usually turns you into toast.


  99. That would be the logical conclusion to make.

    However, I’m not convinced that she was looking for sympathy and whoring for attention.

    Admitedly, I only ever heard one side of things, but for the most part we didn’t talk about her marriage. She acted as though she feared the subject of ‘them’ would make me uncomfortable. If I did anything right, it was that I played very cool and disinterested in all things having to do with her husband and focused on enveloping her in a strong sexual fantasy world filled with my passionate descriptions.

    Some people actually did try to warn me about becoming the ‘rebound guy’ or being used as a security blanket until she got off on her own again, but I brushed all of that off. Her feelings seemed to strong and genuine to me (big mistake on my part, I now know). Also, her self-esteem was out of whack with her true worth. My response was to build her up which I am sure only worked against me in the end by lowering my relative value to her. I showered her with way too much attention and affection, not at her prompting, but because I thought that intensity was what set our relationship apart from all the rest.

    Now, she tells people she wants to be alone so she can feel more like herself again.


  100. Hey I have a qn.

    It has been about 4 months since my ex and I broke up. We were together for 6 months. We had lots of fun while we were still together and we really loved each other. Along the way we got tied down my work commitments and we broke up rather impulsively, angrily. Shortly after the break up she did wanted to patch things up but I wasn’t certain so I rejected it.

    I remained close for 3 months and had sex too. Just 2 weeks ago, I wanted to give us another try again so I asked her. But she told me it’s too late and that we has been seeing another guy and was happy. I was devastated upon knowing that she has moved on. I made the mistake of calling her and seemed desperate to want her back on one morning.

    Ever since, I had told myself to move on and not contact her at all, but i realise that I still love her very much.
    What can I do? I hope the No Contact is working to my advantage.

    Pls help!


  101. Joseph- I think you’re shit out of luck. I am fairly new to the game, but I would venture to say the following screwed you.

    1.) You waited too long. You didn’t just “break it off and lay low”. You made yourself *too* available in the following months. remaining close and then sex for 3 months may have been your downfall, it could have been her closure/comfort.

    2.) “But she told me it’s too late and that she was seeing another guy and was happy”

    Shit test?? Again I am fairly new to game, so I am guessing this could be 2 things. Shit test. You failed. Or she is serious, move on.

    3.) Calling/desperate. Now you made yourself “that one guy” who calls her *BEGGING* her to come back to him. She’s lost all attraction, you beta’d yourself BIGTIME. Read up on beta traits again, then proceed to conquer them out of your system one at a time.

    Currently I am guessing that the ignoring is working to her advantage too. Continue to ignore her, move on in life, this is a great time to work on personal growth (i.e. workout, learn a new hobby, etc.) Soon you will forget and have a whole bundle of babes. If, by some miracle, she calls you in the following months to “Check up” you need to alpha up, follow the steps in comments and this post (I.e wait to respond to text, be brief, be alive!!, be a whole new/alpha man!). We’ve all been where you are (Except for the glorious h?) and it sucks, but you’ll make it through.
    Good luck Brother


  102. on December 19, 2009 at 12:31 pm Joe the Plumber

    I met a woman that I had a strong connection with, not just physical. Only known her for 3 weeks. Both of us divorced with kids and complicated situations. Definately LTR material and possibly the smartest woman I have ever met. We talked honestly about things including sexual, but were cautious going there because we both knew that we didn’t want just a fling. But it was “on” and would not have been long until. She tested me more heavily that I have ever been tested and I passed. She is a high self esteem, high sexual drive woman and many of her tests were about whether I was accepting and non-judgemental. Her “game” was exceptional as was my “game”.

    So I got this email from her:

    “I have been thinking a lot, and I am sorry, but I don’t want to get into a relationship right now. I think you are a decent and very interesting man, but I am not comfortable with getting into this. Believe me, it is better that I do this now, before we get any more involved. I wish you all the best.”

    My response was:

    “Thinking is a good thing and it is the right time to decide. I have no regrets and enjoyed you. We both have complicated lives and other priorities.

    The good thing is that we will are not going to be “just friends” because either that would work, which would destroy the fun sexual tension, or it wouldn’t work and we would be back in the thick of it.

    I always have to throw some humor in so here goes. Does this mean that I’m not going to get that kiss from you for Christmas?

    I may get in touch with you in a few months, just to see how you are doing. Take care.”

    And her email response was:

    “I appreciate you.”

    I would like to see her again and see if a LTR would work, but have had no contact since that exchange. I maintained leadership in during our attraction, which she wants. We discussed being happy people and not NEEDING another person (but wanting is great).

    I would like to see where things go with her, but reverting to my former beta would mean doom. So I’ll be patient and call her in a 3 or 4 weeks to say hi. Feel free to comment.


  103. ””””’“I have been thinking a lot, and I am sorry, but I don’t want to get into a relationship right now. I think you are a decent and very interesting man, but I am not comfortable with getting into this. Believe me, it is better that I do this now, before we get any more involved. I wish you all the best.”””””””””

    I am going to go out on a limb and say that the cock in her life that she could never replace just came back from wherever he usually goes and is now back in her life for a little bit. Before he leaves again and she is again able to go and see normal guys until waiting for the day he returns again.


  104. on December 27, 2009 at 10:11 am Joe the Plumber

    She called me on day 10 & invited me to her house.

    The issue is whether she wants to get into a relationship vs. the potential we have with each other. She said she might run again and I told her that is fine. We are both capable of being happy on our own.

    So I did get my Christmas kiss, but it was a day late.


  105. How do you get back a woman if you dumped her?


  106. on April 7, 2010 at 9:43 am Betaizedbastard

    Hello brothers…

    I already pestered Chateau with an email, but I figure this forum is more appropriate – would love any feedback!

    My girlfriend is out backpacking in C. America. Gone 2½ months now, back in another 3. 2 months in, we break up (mostly her decision, but I knew it was right at the time). We skype afterwards, and I effectively nail the coffin by turning insecure, needy and clingy on her after doing pretty well.

    Next day, she sleeps with a new guy she’d been hanging out with the past month (who is now out of the picture, physically) with whom she was “friends”. I can read her emails (sneaky me).

    She wrote me an email a week ago (google translate):

    [I]Hey “Betaizedbastard”

    How are you? How was your last shift at the bar – did you have a good time? I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk on the phone before I left, but I had to [bla bla bla]…

    I’m on a roadtrip with X (the “friend”), Y and M and we’re going to bla bla bla, and then bla bla bla. It’s gonna be great!

    Thinking of you.
    (and I love you still). Love [exGirlfriend]”[/I]

    DO I REPLY? This was 1 week ago she wrote me. She’s checked her mail once since then.

    MUCH appreciated! Looking forward to alpha advice on this subject.


  107. on April 7, 2010 at 12:51 pm Joe the Plumber

    This might be a little harsh, but it is direct and advice from a man who has been there and suffered the consequences of doing things wrong.

    You need to answer this question for yourself: “Why do you want her?”

    I assure you that there are many other much, much better women out there. It sounds like you want her more than she wants you, which is a recipe for disaster.

    If you want her back, you need to be aloof, not just pretend, but actually BE aloof. Work on your “game” and interactions with other people. Practice being happy without her. Live your life and if it works with her later, remember SHE must come into YOUR life. You must not focus on fitting into HER life. Develop your options.

    The worst thing would be is if when she comes back from her excursion and finds you waiting for her like an obedient puppy dog.

    Stop checking her email and start not giving a shit. This will take discipline on your part but is very important for YOU.

    Move on and she might chase you. You moving on has to be REAL and not faked. Always remember a woman has a much greater gift for reading sincerity than the average man, so you need to focus on BEING the strong man rather than just ACTING like a strong man.

    To be clear again, a real strong man would not be checking her email, he wouldn’t give a shit and would just move on, but could leave open the possibility that she would come to her senses and pursue him at a later time. Then, when and if she does, let her chase you while you remain aloof. But you absolutely have to make her pay a price for her indiscretion, IF you decide to take her back into YOUR life. This may entail humiliating her and causing her to cry. Don’t be affected by her tears! Crying is therapeutic for a woman, and you should allow her to express ANY emotion while being present to her and being the ROCK she needs a man to be. Never forget that your integrity always comes first!


  108. on April 7, 2010 at 8:02 pm Betaizedbastard

    So basically, I shouldn’t reply.

    I am ready to do this if this is the best way to improve my chances. It’s not hard for me to do.

    But I do want to do everything I possibly can to maximie those chances of her crawling back to me.


  109. on April 7, 2010 at 8:08 pm Betaizedbastard

    Further to the point, advice from a real alpha who has a firm grip on reality would be good as well.


  110. on April 10, 2010 at 8:50 pm Joe the Plumber

    Of course futher comments by others would be good.

    Just contributing my thoughts based on what I have done wrong in the past and also insight on what I have learned about what works.

    It is catastrophic to comit to the wrong type of woman or to not excercise masculinity.


  111. Betaized Bastard….Joe’s right. You need to get your crap together. If you’re checking her email and acting clingy and needy there’s a reason why she broke up, perhaps she sensed it, perhaps there was something else that killed off the attraction. Your only move is to move on. This isn’t about “getting her back” it’s about “getting YOU back”.

    I was in a similar situation in December. Chased someone who had initially shown real interest, then slowly backed away. I backed off…No Contact, then ignored her. She contacted me again but after 2 weeks, I realized she was just stringing me along and her attempt to initiate contact was weak…in other words, with a fresh perspective I could see she was a low quality woman.

    It’s amazing, when you stop giving a shit, women sense that. The minute you start to get clingy and needy you’ve lost.

    I was gaming another younger girl from January. Lots of IOI’s from her, built attaction, DHV, but for whatever reason she was not comfortable meeting me one-on-one. Lots of hot/cold when we were in social circles, hot in public, cold otherwise.

    I realized quickly for whatever issues she was having, it was not about me. So I cut contact last week. I wished her a happy birthday, then went quiet. Saw her on the weekend at a club…ignored her.

    Chicks get it. Let her sort it out. They can’t miss you if you don’t give them something to miss.


    Just disappear and start gaming other girls.

    This past week I shagged two other chicks and number closed a third.

    The importance of the one I was gaming starts to fade.

    You need to realize that women fundamentally want to chase, they want to be the ones who feel they’re getting something special…to do that you have make them work for it.

    Get on with your own stuff, start finding diversions away from her. Put out of your mind any hope of getting back together and you’ll notice a difference in your own self-confidence.

    She’ll be less important to you as you start to look forward not back.



  112. Betaizedbastard,

    In my opinion, from the information you provided, your ex-GF was ALREADY sleeping with the guy in Central America before she broke up with you. You should have anticipated that this would happen when she left to go on a 5-month trip abroad. She had a thread about this very situation a few months ago.

    BEFORE she left, you should have told her that she had a choice. Either she was going to promise not to cheat on you and you would promise not to cheat on her, or she would give herself permission to sleep around and then you would consider yourself free to do the same (including the possibility of finding someone you would stay with even after she returned).

    This would probably not have changed whether or not she would screw some other guy, but it would have put you in a far better position. If she does promise not to cheat, and then cheats, you have the upper hand and achieve the maximum possible chance of having her crawling back to you eventually by reacting to her cheating by kicking her to the curb and cutting off all communication (and then pursuing other girls). If she refuses to make such a promise, then you kiss her goodbye at the airport and pull out your black book and start calling girls as soon as her plane is in the air.

    Once she can pretend to have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else, she escapes the consequences of her cheating, but reaps the full benefit of having gotten to try out other men to see if there was someone she preferred to you — if she had not found a new “friend” as much to her liking as she actually did, she might never have broken up with you. On the other hand, if you had extracted a promise from her not to cheat, she might have been less slutty (because her worst-case scenario is where she cheats but doesn’t actually find someone she prefers to you, and then you dump her anyway).

    If she had explicitly declined to make a promise, you would have written her off (or at least relegated her to the reserve league) without all the trauma and drama you suffered. Instead, you allowed her to rely on your good character and be sure that she could still have you when she returned, while she felt no reciprocal obligation to you. Classic beta blunder.

    You should probably cut off all contact with her. It’s hard to accept, but even though you MIGHT still have a chance at getting her back, cutting her off entirely is exactly the right behavior to maximize that probability. If she sends you more than 3 messages after you stop calling or responding, you may make a SINGLE reply to the 4th consecutive message from her, as follows:

    “I’m sorry, but I’ve decided we can’t be friends. You didn’t have enough loyalty to me to resist X, and I’d been trying to forgive you, but at this point I have to move on.”

    Note the wording carefully — it covers both cases (she did screw X before breaking up with you, or she didn’t). If you are pretty sure she did screw him first, you can use stronger language:

    “I’m sorry, but I’ve decided we can’t be friends. You cheated on me with X, and I’ve realized that you are not the good person I thought you were. I need to move on with my life.”

    Even if she protests at this point that she didn’t actually jump in bed with him until she had given you the heave-ho, ignore it. If she repeats this protest persistently, you may make ONE additional reply: “It doesn’t matter, you obviously never loved me as much as I have a right to expect from a relationship, so I’m moving forward.”

    This policy is very difficult to carry out but it is made much easier by the convenient fact that she will be gone for another 2 or 3 months and cannot confront you.

    When she gets back, don’t answer her messages or calls. Hang up without saying anything except maybe “good-bye, [ex-GF]”. Don’t be so harsh as to say “never call me again”, that shows you care too much, simply brush her off patiently in the same tone of voice each time.

    At this point, IF you have not found someone else, and IF you still want her back, wait until she contacts you with either of two magic phrases “I made a terrible mistake” or “I’ve GOT to see you” (with true desperation in her voice). Make an appointment for lunch in a public place and let her do ALL the talking. Act like the most passive psychotherapist, just “mm-hmm” and “OK”. Say nothing about your feelings for her unless she crosses the line and says she wants to get back with you. If she says “do you still have feelings for me?” that is not enough at all, you should answer “I haven’t tried to revisit our relationship, there are other relationships I’m working on at the moment.”

    If she does say she wants to get back with you, ask “why should I think it would be different this time?” Let her explain until she runs out of steam, then say “I’ll think about it.” When she calls you back the next day, you may say “I’ve decided to give you another chance”. If you’re absolutely sure you still want her, instead of saying “I’ll think about it”, say “Let me think about it”, and sit there silently, pondering (and basking in your victory), for three minutes or so; she will get more agitated and will take your hand two minutes in, which you should ignore. At the end of the 3 minutes, you may smile at her and squeeze her hand.

    If this does happen after all (and while you will have maximized the chance of it occuring, that chance is still less than 50%), stay alpha from then on, take no crap, take the lead in all decisions, and don’t talk about your feelings for her (the most you should say to encourage her, for the first couple of months, is “you really have changed”.)


  113. on April 11, 2010 at 4:55 am Betaizedbastard

    Gents, thanks for the feedback, and I KNOW you’re right, intellectually and intuitively.

    She continue to writes me emails – they’re sweet, she writes she misses me, thinks about me a lot, bla bla – however, lately an email with a sentence on the new guy she is with (whom she claims only is a friend, although she has in fact slept with him and would love to see him again).

    He lives 850 miles away, and as far as I’m concerned, he can have her – it’ll be wonderful for them both, I’m sure.

    Her mentioning him is a shit-test, I gather?

    My asking for advice on how, if at all, to reply, is intended to help me, as you say, “get ME back”. I had excellent game a year ago and during the summer, but I can definitely tell I’ve lost the magic touch. So i’m doing what you say.

    I don’t think I’m agonizing TOO much over my ex. But I am interested in gaming her.

    Meanwhile, I’m number closing girls easily enough, counting on taking it to coffee followed by dinner at my place, but I can’t get much past number close. Still too desperate.

    I figure I ought to reply “Really glad for you that you met Oliver – and I’m sure you’ll see each other again in the future. In, fact, I’m glad you brought it up – I’ve met this girl, and bla bla bla”…

    Right track?


  114. Betaicized….she fucked another guy she’d been “hanging out with” for a month? Dude…what part of that are you not getting?

    Get over your one-itis.

    Re-read everything you can on “inner game”. There are also posts here on cuckholded men. Read them…commit them to memory.

    Learn from all this. You’re acting so AFC and beta it’s embarrassing.

    The more you try to “fix” this by gaming her…the more you’re going to delay getting your shit together.


  115. on April 11, 2010 at 8:47 am Betaizedbastard

    Fuck me.

    You’re right. What a fuckin’ wanker I’m being.


  116. Betaizedbastard,

    I replied to you at great length yesterday but my comment is stuck in moderation. Short summary: I said that she was screwing the other guy before she broke up wth you, your beta mistake was not forcing her to choose, before leaving on her trip, to either promise not to cheat (when you wouldn’t either), or give herself permission to (when you would too). You let her cheat while still being confident she’d have you when she got back, so she could cheat risklessly.

    My recommendation, if you still wanted to maximize the probability of her crawling back to you (which would be less than 50% no matter what course of action you adopt) was to cut off contact entirely. Do not reply to texts, phone calls, letters, etc. If she has sent you 4 consecutive messages with no reply, it is OK to reply exactly once, saying “I’m sorry, but I’ve decided we can’t be friends. You cheated on me with Oliver, and I’ve realized that you are not the good person I thought you were. I need to move on with my life.” If she protests repeatedly that she broke up with you first before screwing him, say “It doesn’t matter, you obviously never loved me as much as I have a right to expect from a relationship, so I’m moving forward.”

    Then no contact even after she gets back, hang up politely every time she calls, ignore messages.

    If she does want you back, she will eventually send you a message saying “I’ve made a terrible mistake” or a desperate “I’ve GOT to see you” — at that point, if you are still interested, schedule lunch in a public place and let her talk herself into exhaustion. If she asks if you still have feelings for her, say “I haven’t tried to revisit our relationship, there are other relationships I’m working on at the moment”. If she asks you to take her back, and you do, stay alpha from then on, take no crap, take the lead in all decisions, and don’t talk about your feelings for her (the most you should say to encourage her, for the first couple of months, is “you really have changed”).


  117. Forgot to mention — even if she does come crawling back to you, before taking her back you must ask her “why should I think it would be different this time?” — make her qualify herself explicitly with statements of loyalty and devotion which, since she would be making them during an emotional crisis, will be burned into her memory permanently.


  118. on April 11, 2010 at 2:35 pm Joe the Plumber


    Change your name on this board because you will identify with what you are willing to call yourself. To be very clear, stop being a “betaized bastard” and be what you are… an ALPHA man. Discover and develop what is already inside you.

    Also please know that no one (neither men nor women) change unless it is too painful not to change. In addition all humans are stupid and typically learn from suffering. Humans do NOT learn or change to improve themselves if things are going good (for guys this means getting sex). You have experienced pain and should NOT EVER mitigate the pain she MUST feel due to HER actions.

    Your integrity is the most important thing you have. NEVER compromise your integrity or you will will not respect yourself and then no one will respect you. You will end up projecting a message to everyone that you do not deserve to be respected.

    The advice here is like a 2×4 upside your head, but contains nothing you do not already know about yourself. As such, this advice is not derogatory because those giving you advice WANT to to be successful. And if you are honest with yourself, you came here specifically to get wacked in the head with that 2×4.

    Take heart! You are on the path and you DO have what it takes!


  119. on April 11, 2010 at 2:45 pm Joe the Plumber


    No other man can ever be harder on you than you are on yourself. You know what you need to do, so do it.


  120. on April 11, 2010 at 3:24 pm BetaizedBastard

    This is EXACTLY the kind of advice I was looking for.

    I’m in no doubt that I’ll survive and live happily ever after without her. I know life goes on. I’m anxious to learn from my mistakes so I handle myself better the next time something like this happens, because the game never ends. I realized I made beta mistakes, even while making them, but like a nightmare, I didn’t wake the fuck up and take control of my sitaution, so now I have to learn from the consequences… but this is ultimately awesome, because if it never happened, I never would’ve discovered this blog or asked the question, or had the chance to learn.

    The advice given from Joe, Walawala and Polymath is nothing short of amazingly awesome. I know what to do and don’t even have to think about this retarded subject anymore, and THAT is the real relief.

    So, thanks a million.


  121. on April 11, 2010 at 3:37 pm BetaizedBastard

    PolyMath – would you, for the sake of posterity – elaborate on the first paragraph of your first post?

    Much appreciated.


  122. Oh, what girls who are in stable relationships as opposed to first falling in love mean when they say “I love you” is that they don’t (yet) want you to break up with them. really. That’s all you can count on it’s meaning. that might be because the really are still deeply attracted to you, or it could be because they don’t want to lose your financial support, or something inbetween, such as wanting to keep you as her safety that she occasionally gives affection and sex to, while hunting for something better.

    Trust me. This is true.


  123. Brutalized–

    Further to the point, advice from a real alpha who has a firm grip on reality would be good as well.

    On weekends at least when she doesn’t post something new during them, the recent comments part of his right margin are slow enough that questions that get some back and forth even on ancient threads of he can get noticed. As yours did.

    First of all I agree with Polymath that your girl did cheat on you before formally breaking up with you on her extended vacation/sabatical in Central America. And has been screwing more since. She formally broke up with you because she wants to have a clear conscience to screw around and she wants to be able to assume the moral high ground if you somehow found out.

    She keeps emailing you occasionally and says she still loves you in them in order to keep you as a waiting for her safety, or an easily wineable back guy, should when she returns she doesn’t quickly find another bf or series of good for her fuck partners.

    You did lose this before she left but the truth is a great percentage of young American girls are gonna play around on their bf’s while on vacations without him these hyper feminist American days, and it’s about certain any even marginally feminist believing girl will who’s attractive enough to get anyone decent for casual no long term strings attached sex. Since American girls are so famous/infamous as being sluts and easy as hell especially once they’re abroad, she will attract foreign guys above her usual pull ability, because most foreign girls (other than the Dutch and English and maybe Swedes) aren’t as slutty and easy for just casual as Americans esp. abroad are.

    So I’m saying even if you’d been pretty alpha w/her in your relationship, you’d have this issue. But then she really might not be wanting to leave you, since she prob. ain’t bring any of her loves abroad hom w/her. As it is she’s transitioning away from you, and as you know from your moniker and initial actions and reading this thread, you have been way to beta in your relationship w/her. Btw read the “Realationship Game Week” posts. Site search particularly for that and “Dave from Hawaii”. That’s the best one and invaluable.

    Ok. Advice.

    You should consider that the only thing you might want from her in the future is to be your fuck buddy. That is if you are a bit hard up and just learning game, yeah you might want to transitionally fuck her too if she’s up for it upon her return. But regard any real long term bond with her from her side as broken. It isn’t yet w/you but it should be and I’m telling you break it. But you don’t have to and shouldn’t exactly tell her this. Her remaining interest in you is as her safety for awhile so don’t immediately tell her you’ve lost all interest in her for the longer term. She needs to start seeing you as more alpha first.

    Yeah don’t reply any more until she gets back. By far best policy. Meanwhile you must get laid. Get laid starting w/a 4 if you have to. Below her (objective non in love with her evaluation) anyway if you can’t get her level quickly. Then work up. Some mental states are just so, so much harder if you haven’t be laid by anyone but her since she left and then decided to step out on you with another guy.

    Work on game like made while she’s still away. Move up in the girls you can pull. Accept a whole lot of rejection, particularly after you get your lay with someone in. Aim a bit beyond your then yet reach, but aim a lot. the archives are great. If you’ve got any gift for gab at all, the essentials of game aren’t routines, though a few raport building routines like cube or palm reading or psych evalutation routines are great. You also need to develop a repertory of higher value demonstrating stories about yourself. Stories that show pulling girls, adventurousness tha t doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t all be about girls, take charge and do impulsive but at least kinda impressive things etc. You know like white water kyaking, moutain climbing adventures, some guy you knew but not well hot girlfriend throwing herself at you, all kinds of things. Say them in a supposedly downplaying, fast, just a slice of my life kind of way, so as not to be discounted for bragging though really of course that is what you’re doing.

    Learn to neg. But only 7 and up girls, or 8 and up. Well 6’s if they’re full of themselves too. But not insecure girls. They need to be playfull stroked. Neging is playfull teasing or mildly insulting. It’s not taking the hottie as intimidatingly hot. Think of treating her as a spoiled but MAYBE fun little girl. Prove it to me.

    Opening lines I don’t think are so important. Just don’t act nervous or like you care too much. And don’t care too much on any particular girl, really ever that she is sure of, but certainly not before she starts showing interest in you.

    Back to your ex gf that you think you want to get back with. Well you should be working against wanting to so much in the ways I’ve said above first, and getting other girls. second she’s only gonna work as your fuck buddy for awhile if she chases you when she gets back. If she doesn’t, still don’t chase her. It will just drive her more certainly and surely away forever. If she doesn’t chase you right away, the most you should do is arrange to non obviously bump into her. When you do you should be off hands, old friends, no hard feelings friendly. No hard feelings because you’ve been getting laid lots. Yeah it ‘s good for her to know this regardless of whether she gets mad and pretend she didn’t screw anyone else. She said you were broken up. That’s plenty to give you free reign by any calculus and she’ll know that. Don’t just boast about all the girls you’ve done exaggerated or not. Just have that mindset and don’t deny it, and even let slip somethng, a tad. No more. But you’re not hiding anything and aren’t in the least guilty feeling either. Instead more jazzed up and feeling male empowered than ever.

    That’s when she’ll come back to you.

    If you manage to get alpha enough, and you hadn’t wrecked things too badly before she left so her mental image of you as hopelessly beta isn’t too ingrained, then she really might come all the way back to you and want to be your faithful gf.

    You should make her compete w/other girls for a while though, because of her clear infidelity and desire to be w/other men when she was gone. Be upfront about this, once she’s really rehooked if she gets that way, you’ve screwed her again a few times, and she’s pressing for mutual fidelity. Don’t agree at first. Don’t worry openly about what she’s doing. That’s how to rehook her hard, if it’s ever gonna happen.

    But still, she’s not the most loyal gf in the world now is she? Really be looking for someone better yourself. that is if you don’t decide what you really want to do is play the field for an extended while if you do get good enough at game.

    Good luck. (Not edited.)


  124. on April 11, 2010 at 7:20 pm Betaizedbastard

    This is awesome advice and feedback. Thanks for taking the time to point out the details.

    When she left, the promise was not to cheat. These were not the words used, per se, but I told her, that’s what we’re saying. I was always very good at conveying I had other options than her, and she believed it.

    I’ll be honest – I’m not entirely convinced she cheated on me. She didn’t admit as much to her sister in writing, at least – first time was a week down after our break-up. But I’ll take your word for it – she probably did cheat.

    We had several conversations before she left where she would well up and cry in front of me – not hysterical sobbing – but it seemed sincere enough. Of course, I was flattered she felt that way, but I didn’t let on it bothered me, and this drove her nuts. The whole relationship I kept a close lid on the fact I really liked her, but felt I had to break up, and no matter what she said she felt for me or how she acted in front of me, the mere fact she decided to take 5½ months, as opposed to 5 or 4 months abroad told me what she REALLY felt. She had made her choice.

    My beta mistake was not to make mine. I can’t imagine any four month relationship lasting a six month seperation.

    Walawala’s comment strikes me as the most possible outcome. She’ll accept the fait accompli because her emotional cup is now filled with some swiss guy’s man-chowder. nice imagery.

    I already have a nice six whom I’m driving nuts with my absent-minded attitude towards her pleading for a night of drunk sex, but I seriously don’t find her attractive. She’s a good gal, but I’d rather get shit-faced with my buddies. I’m implementing better game, reading the Mystery method, and they’ll be results, sure enough, when I’m ready.


  125. on April 11, 2010 at 7:25 pm Betaizedbastard

    FYI. She’s Scandinavian.


  126. on April 11, 2010 at 7:29 pm Betaizedbastard

    But interesting point, Walawala..

    You say that if you “game” a girl, a serious, mature relationship is out of the question?


  127. Bb,

    Here is the first part of what I wrote in the post of mine that is still stuck in moderation:

    In my opinion, from the information you provided, your ex-GF was ALREADY sleeping with the guy in Central America before she broke up with you. You should have anticipated that this would happen when she left to go on a 5-month trip abroad. She had a thread about this very situation a few weeks ago.

    BEFORE she left, you should have told her that she had a choice. Either she was going to promise not to cheat on you and you would promise not to cheat on her, or she would give herself permission to sleep around and then you would consider yourself free to do the same (including the possibility of finding someone you would stay with even after she returned).

    This would probably not have changed whether or not she would screw some other guy, but it would have put you in a far better position. If she does promise not to cheat, and then cheats, you have the upper hand and achieve the maximum possible chance of having her crawling back to you eventually by reacting to her cheating by kicking her to the curb and cutting off all communication (and then pursuing other girls). If she refuses to make such a promise, then you kiss her goodbye at the airport and pull out your black book and start calling girls as soon as her plane is in the air.

    Once she can pretend to have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else, she escapes the consequences of her cheating, but reaps the full benefit of having gotten to try out other men to see if there was someone she preferred to you — if she had not found a new “friend” as much to her liking as she actually did, she might never have broken up with you. On the other hand, if you had extracted a promise from her not to cheat, she might have been less slutty (because her worst-case scenario is where she cheats but doesn’t actually find someone she prefers to you, and then you dump her anyway).

    If she had explicitly declined to make a promise, you would have written her off (or at least relegated her to the reserve league) without all the trauma and drama you suffered. Instead, you allowed her to rely on your good character and be sure that she could still have you when she returned, while she felt no reciprocal obligation to you. Classic beta blunder.


  128. Betaizedbastard–

    You sound like you were more alpha and less beta with her than I’d imagined from your earlier comments asking for advice. That’s good.

    Really I was talking about at most thinking she might make a fuck buddy for awhile as something transitional for you to make it easier for you to move on and alpha up your game in the meantime, and lay other women.

    So yeah I always thought probably she wouldn’t chase you even if you didn’t chase her, when she gets back. But really I don’tknow enough about her. It will depend on how good the sex was she got down there, how much a hot guy was into her there as opposed to just pumped and dumped her, and her need for love compared to sex thrills from new more alpha guys. But also you could become more alpha and she might be able to see it. But it is true that it’s hard to change girl’s negative impressions on something once formed, particularly on being too beta/needy. Hard but not always impossible depending on how much you move up and depending on her individual traits.

    Her teariness pre leave might have reflected her considerable desire for a love bond with you continuing in part, but it was mostly her attempted manipulation of you using moves she probably practiced and had work on her father or a father figure. Eternal ingenue girlgame.

    Good luck. You sound like you’ve got a good shot of progressing considerably w/game.


  129. I think the situation is hopeless for you and you shouldn’t even be entertaining thoughts of a re-union. It won’t happen.

    Yah, she’ll contact you…they ALWAYS do, but only because she feels bad. But feeling bad is different from feeling feelings for you that will keep her commited in a way that you want.

    Learn from your beta behaviour. I am learning from my past beta-ness.

    No one is 100% spot on with getting it “right”, it’s a balance of power that you want to make sure is in your favour. You can’t be a complete asshole in all your relationships.

    The point I discovered is that women who are being gamed, know they’re being gamed so they will play along.

    In my case, it was a series of shit tests that I passed but in the end it lead to MORE shit tests.

    I found the right time to slowly withdraw and have withdrawn. It’s been a week of no contact.

    I saw her on Friday and ignored her.

    Chicks get it. You don’t need to explain to them “I’m ignoring you because you are being difficult and ….”

    No…and as has been noted in these boards….if you acknowledge the reason WHY you’re ignoring them, you lose. They know and you know.

    I think he refers to it as being like “Fight Club”…you don’t acknowledge “No Contact”…you just get on with things.

    The other advice from Joe the…is make her work for it. Chances are she probably won’t…you have to live with that. She’ll “accept your decision” and move on…So be it…makes it easier on both of you then, but at least you still leave with more of a backbone than you’ve had of late.

    You will take time re-generating your backbone and becoming more alpha. You’ll make mistakes, but they should never be mistakes that are from faintness of heart. They should be mistakes in calibrating as you determine how best to assert yourself in various situations.

    But dude…it’s over. Move on. Even if she contacts you…which she will…what are you “getting back”? A girl who fucked some other dude when she could have worked it out with you. Not cool.


  130. on April 11, 2010 at 8:58 pm Joe the Plumber

    You ALWAYS have to game a girl and NEVER stop gaming her, especially if you marry her! “Game” is more than you realize, and entails WAY more than just getting a woman into bed for a one night thing.

    For me, if I choose to get laid the first night, I do not consider her relationship material, even if she might be fine for other guys or for me in another situation. She may be a good FWB, but still not relationship material. This has little to do with her but it is MY rule for myself.

    If I strongly believe she is relationship material, I will game her just as intensely to activate her gina tingles, but I will not consumate. This is me, and not advice on what you should do, although I have found that relationships have a much better foundation when the sex is delayed until at least the 3rd to 5th date.

    For me, I decide which route I am taking before I bed a woman. You need to decide what works for you.

    One more thing about your previous post: WHAT THE FUCK are you talking about when you stated “the mere fact she decided to take 5½ months, as opposed to 5 or 4 months abroad told me what she REALLY felt”

    5½ months = approx (30.5 x 5) + 15 = 167.5 days
    5 months = approx (30.5 x 5) = 152.5 days
    4 months = approx (30.5 x 4) = 122 days

    The difference between 5½ and 5 months is trivial and there is no way such a trival difference allows any conclusions to be drawn.

    I have developed the ability to read much about how a woman feels when she is in my presence, or less so via phone, email or text but it seems COMPLETE BULL SHIT that a woman’s feelings can be determined on the basis of a difference of 15 days over almost half a year.

    Don’t make stupid statements and double check what you are writing!

    In your last post, you were posturing and made qualifications and excuses. She would not believe the BS you wrote and can read the REAL you like a book. YOU may believe the BS you stated, but SHE does not. Also DO NOT be affected by a woman’s tears!

    Stop waffeling, qualifying, excusing and such because it defines who you REALLY are. You can move beyond but not if hang on to the BS in your previous post.

    I sugggest you read the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover.


  131. on April 12, 2010 at 6:10 am Betaizedbastard

    Well, qualifying, posturing and making excuses is not the attitude I want to have.

    Will try and get a hold of that book, as well as the rest of the “Alpha Male” curriculum. Btw – does he have a post on recommended reading?


  132. Betaizedbastard

    Btw – does he have a post on recommended reading?

    Yes. Fairly recent too. Within the last month I think.

    IIRC he calls it resources. try site searching for game resources.

    I personally think reading a whole lot of the archives, skipping or going light on his more political posts, is maybe the best the is for understanding how game really works.

    What is really light on is opening lines and detailed routines. Crutches for beginners bascially, though he does some routines, recommends they be in an intermediate and advanced repetory too, and certainly mentions some of the ones he uses and finds most effective.

    What he’s the best I know of at is helping you to really understand the basic dynamics of how game works, what the principles are, why it works, how that arose from the things evo psych studies (ie. our human evolution, but not all technical here for the most part, light overview) and so on. What he doesn’t do is much beginners cookbook recipes as I’ve said though his challenges to his readers to solve game challenges are real good — esp. when he evaluates answers, which he always did earlier on but for the last six months unfortunately not so much. (You should return to giving evalution of selected stabs and meeting your game challenges, the next day or a few after.)


  133. on April 15, 2010 at 2:24 pm Betaizedbastard

    Yo – quick question (and once again, I am really grateful you all took the time to respond and give feedback).

    If the ex and I log onto to a chat function (FB, MSN, AIM, Skype) simultaneously – no contact counts right? even (though she wrote me a (basically), sincere and friendly email).


  134. Betaizedbastard–

    That would be like bumping into her in real life when she gets back home, as opposed to your txting or calling her up to chat or eat together, which would be a no no.

    Trouble is, you may not have gotten yourself ready for it.

    You should have had the mindset of aloof, just friends pleasantness. As though you were currently banging a hot chick (completely rightfully her having broken things off and you’re about sure banged on her half year abroad) and weren’t particularly inclined to get back with her though not totally decided yet.

    If you have that mindset, at least half convince yourself it’s true, you’ll be able to figure out the details of how to interact w/her when you happen on each other.

    But really you want her chasing you, and then for you to play hard to get.

    But most of all you really want to be actually being with other hot girls, and if you want a relationship now instead of playing the field and having two or three girls in rotation while always looking some, once you’re getting good at game, then looking for that other hot and compatible girl to replace left you girl.


  135. on April 15, 2010 at 2:47 pm Betaizedbastard

    Well, duh??

    Haha… of course I’m working on the game so I can start banging better bitches.

    But, as with all loaded questions, this just did in fact happen.

    I did nothing. It was FB chat, and I didn’t do anything. As this is a learning experience, in the interest of maximizing chances of jack-hammer sex when she gets back, should I send a msg indicating I was making food or some other excuse, or should I leave it?


  136. Leave it.

    Don’t respond.


  137. Surprised you had to ask. It’s a total no brainer if you’re thinking right.

    You want her to be worried about what you’re thinking about her. Without your supplying any answers or even hints about that for a good long time.


  138. on April 15, 2010 at 2:56 pm Betaizedbastard

    Well, my intuition was to do nothing, and stick to the advice I got here.

    Afterwards, it was the same. Don’t give a shit. make no excuses. There’s nothing to lose, after all.

    Your earlier response though indicated that ignoring her would be the socially awkward thing to do. And it did feel weird. But at this point I recognize my perception of what’s a smart move and what’s not is fucked up.


  139. on April 15, 2010 at 2:57 pm Betaizedbastard

    So I decided it was best just to sit tight.


  140. Good.


  141. And don’t respond to the a follow up email or three she sends you either.


  142. Gentleman, a little feedback on the situation:

    Did not reply to her email, but she did contact me when we were both online. We “chatted” and she asked me how I was keeping myself preoccupied – my inate urge for sarcasm cause me to bellow (virtually)

    “tits, clits and bong-hits”

    it went downhill from there – i wished her well, but her response rate had decline from (within the second to after 1-2 minutes)

    We have not spoken since. I did not act needy.

    I have now discovered how to manage friends lists so that I never see her online again without having to delete her.

    Your assessment of my words?


  143. on April 30, 2010 at 9:53 pm betaizedbastard

    Well, just chatted with ex…

    she wrote bla bla bla what are you up to:

    i replied

    “tits, clits and bong-hits”

    i think it’s hilarious… but she did not think it was funny. Am i fucked?


  144. No you’re not fucked, if you are going to respond at all flippant is OK.

    It wasn’t very funny, you could have done a lot better, but it shouldn’t really hurt you. However, the one thing that changes is that now if she keeps contacting you you can’t always pretend she doesn’t exist anymore, you have to do light and dismissive rather than no-contact sometimes.

    A good rule to avoid looking beta is that every response to anything she says should to be shorter,say at most half as long, and preferably shorter than your previous response too.


  145. on May 1, 2010 at 10:11 pm betaizedbastard

    whilst I’d prefer to avoid running every detail by your noses, being told what to do beats me running every stupid little scenario through my mindless brain:

    Just got this mail:

    Today is a year ago I met you at [the bar]. That was when it all began.. 🙂 I’m glad we got to know each other, [betaizedbastard]. Just wanted you to know. Have a great day. Love [the Ex]

    I guess I want to stay friendly, but distant/flippant, as polymath said?


  146. Here’s an interesting question. Did you remember that is was 1 year ago exactly that you’d met? (Probably, since May Day is a memorable date.) That email from her shows she feels something, either (80% chance) guilt for having treated you crappily or (20% chance) regret for having dumped you.

    Your previous email to her was flippant and vulgar, and hers to you is actually sincere and vulnerable, which shows that you didn’t really hurt yourself with your previous response and it may have actually gamed her into being nice.

    What you should do now is remain distant but show that you have not turned into a heartless bastard. Just send her a 2-word reply:

    Thanks, [her name].

    Actually use the comma and the period there (I don’t have time to explain now but trust me on this).


  147. Oh, and capitalize the word “Thanks” there too.

    You want this to be remembered and to stand out from casual texting, but at the same time it’s still so short that she can’t react to any of it by being reminded of your previous beta clinging.

    Then LOG OFF immediately so you don’t have to deal with any quick further reply.


  148. And after you send that reply, since she is still out of the country you want to continue the policy of as little contact as possible. You don’t have to reply to every email she sends. You should definitely keep it short, and skip any reply if her email does not ask you a direct question.

    If she asks again what you are doing (the question you blew off before) she is trying to find out if you are seeing other girls. This is another 80-20 situation (probably she wants to assure herself that you are doing OK so she doesn’t have to feel guilty, but possibly she is hoping you’re still going to be available when she gets back). Your answer should be non-committal, something like “Visited a couple new places” (which might or might not mean you went on some dates) or “The job is going well.” One sentence only.


  149. Polymath, what makes women change their moods and attitudes so quickly from one day they’re doing everything they can to get your attention, then when you give it…they suddenly back away….and then I back away…then they fight for it again….

    Seems suddenly they’re not interested…but they are…kind of…but not then…but then you pull away, chat with other girls etc…and they take notice…


  150. on May 2, 2010 at 6:46 am betaizedbastard

    This sounds like an accurate assessment of the situation – I don’t really think she’s interested in anything – but she’s admitting to herself she doesn’t know what she’ll want when she gets back. She doesn’t have a problem meeting guys though, so I actually think my chances are less than 10-20%.

    That said, a ton of photos from her adventures have been uploaded. Forget the fact that there are some seriously cool photos from diving (yes, I can now not even watch Discovery without being reminded of the her), there is also a score of photos of her and Oliver, whom I know blew her off after he left – while she was seriously considering long-distance with him.

    This is, to me, a bridge-burner. not even if hell froze over can I ever take her back when it has been publicized to the whole world they two were in a quasi-relationship.

    I want to keep my integrity, so fuck her.

    But I also want to learn from this, so I’m going to take PolyMath’s advice, and reply as instructed. Nothing to lose, after all.


  151. on May 2, 2010 at 6:58 am betaizedbastard

    Oh, and yeah, of course I remembered. Back when we were getting serious I told her I couldn’t remember what night we’d met (those days were a major blur in my life – all the girls and drinking blended into one another) the night we met. I guess she checked her old emails to see when I was first mentioned, and found out.

    As to the reply, in my native equivalent, just:

    “Thanks, [hername].”

    No smileys, no nothing, right?


  152. on May 2, 2010 at 7:01 am betaizedbastard

    While I might’ve acted fippant and vulgar, she thinks I was trying to act as if was “on top of things” or doing better than I really am (i’m doing fine, for the record). Does that change anything?


  153. Yes, just “Thanks, [hername].” with no smileys or silly stuff — by using capitalization and punctuation you are showing her both respect and formal distance, ideal impression to give.

    If she thought you were trying to act as if you are doing better than you really are, it is because she wants to believe you might still be there for her when she gets back if she wants/needs you. She doesn’t actually want/need you because you are still betaized in her eyes, but her insecurities are rising because she was dumped by Oliver as she richly deserved.

    By keeping your replies infrequent, formal, and short but not unfriendly, you will convey the desired impression that you have moved on and do not have strong emotions about her anymore. If you keep this up, and find another girlfriend, and she gets dumped by her next attempt at a relationship, you will have accomplished everything you can reasonably expect — you will be happy and she will be bitterly regretful. (If her next BF actually works out for her, you should still be happy that he is stuck with an unreliable bitch rather than you.)

    In the unlikely event that ex-GF comes desperately crawling back to you, *and you are unattached at the time*, follow the instructions in my earlier posts, because she is the type of girl who will only be faithful if you dominate her and insist on controlloing the relationship. (Under no circumstances should you dump a new GF for ex-GF because that act itself gives ex-GF the upper hand.)


  154. on May 3, 2010 at 12:52 am betaizedbastard

    Reply sent as instructed – it was actually empowering.

    Anyways, in the unlikely event I hear from her once more (she’ll definitely be disappointed/annoyed with this last response), I’ll keep this “board” updated.

    Thanks again. It’s great to know what I have to do, at last.


  155. If for some reason you don’t get a response for a few days because it’s an old thread, you can look for one of my comments on a current thread and give me a heads-up.

    It sounds like you have a good idea how this stuff works in general, and it’s only for this particular relationship that you have trouble thinking straight. Understandable — it’s hard to get off a roller coaster. “No contact” is important not only to make a girl miss you but also to allow you to get her out of your head.


  156. on May 7, 2010 at 10:23 am BetaizedBastard

    Hey once more.

    I was just reading Jerry’s posts on Alpha Submission Tests – he mentions brevity in responses to women begetting more brevity.

    Does this apply to this situation?

    On a seperate note: about a week ago she became an aunt for the first time – do I wish her congratulations?


  157. on May 7, 2010 at 11:49 am BetaizedBastard

    Forget I asked the above. Stupid question. She’s a waste of time. I’m moving on to better things. I don’t care.


  158. Brevity is the way to reply, whether she responds by increasing or decreasing the length of her own messages.
    You should of course not initiate any messages, and reply only occasionally.

    This has stopped being a thread about how to “win back” an ex-GF, but even if you would never take her back no matter how she grovels, the recommended behavior is the same, for a variety of reasons.


  159. Polymath, I’d love to hear your comments on my exchange which I posted on the Alpha Submissions.

    Your advice and comments are very insightful. I’m learning here. I think that when I encounter drama or negative reactions, I get a bit surprised and want to revert to “making nice”….but I realize that this is not the way to go.


  160. on June 9, 2010 at 5:00 am BetaizedBastard


    2 months further down the road, and progress has been made:

    PolyMath, Doug, WalaWala, Joe – I’d appreciate an email in case I have further questions – I’m not sure it’s pertinent to continue posting on this thread.


  161. BB,

    I think continuing on this thread would be fine; if you want private advice, I need to figure out a way to get you my email address that others here can’t see.


  162. BB,

    OK, I made a blog so I can get private replies to my comments. Go to the link, leave a comment with your email address in the appropriate place in the comment form, and I will be able to see it but no one else will.


  163. Hmm, that changed my commenter name. Let’s see if logging out of my blog will make this comment show up as from “Polymath” again.


  164. great. fucking. thread.

    are other comment sections equally as instructive? sometimes? rarely?

    I find myself wondering how the female psyche became such an open book for H. From long experience? Knowledge in a related field?

    I wonder if it was some fundamental truth or truths that, once understood and applied, brought lots of things into sharp focus.

    If so, I am curious to hear what those axiomatic realizations were.

    Hope I’m making sense here. Sometimes you can learn a couple fundamental, primary things, and it explains a lot of things further up the chain of reasoning.

    For example, I remember when I learned about the basics of philosophy — the meaning of virtue, values, good and evil, morality, etc.

    Just realizing how those things fit together brought about knowledge in a whole range of areas of my life, because I could more easily understand some of the cause and effect and whatnot.

    Anyhow, great site. By and large I don’t think of his approach to women as “game”, although some of it may be.

    I think of it as a roadmap of sorts to the woman’s psyche. What she thinks, how she got there, and why it matters. Sure, maybe I could use this knowledge to increase my romantic encounters, but I employ it instead to have better and more fulfilling relationships.

    (Which, I suppose, means an increase in romantic encounters. Touche, touche.)


  165. What a great fucking article.

    This is exactly what you have to do. Don’t worry if parts of your relationship don’t line up to the article. Just go from ‘hot’ to ‘cold’ and initiate ‘No Contact’ for 3-4 weeks.

    Lots of women like to claim ‘I hate games’. Shut up bitch, no you don’t. You just hate defeat. Which means you win.

    I won’t lie though–some men are completely incapable of pulling this off. You’re mind is already made up.

    The guy who thinks he can and thinks he can’t are both right.

    Bravo. This is magnificent,and obvious to most true alphas.


  166. This blog is amazing. Not just the very high standard quality of the main posts, but the comments as well. There’s so much valuable information here that it’s easy to lose yourself for hours reading as much of it as you can.


  167. Indeed. Started a links folder for the good stuff.

    Interesting that the guy “not having a clue” the relationship is almost over is more common than I would’ve guessed.

    Obviously, we were looking at the wrong things.


  168. My friend gave me the address to your website. I can’t stop reading since.

    I’ve got a question. I’m a woman, does this strategy work for me too? My ex bf who’ve I dated for 9 years cheated on me. He told me he is sorry and he wants to fight for our relationship, but it seems like he is being indifferent now. And I’m the one that is waiting for an IM of call. I do not respond when I recieve a text or call. But is there any chance I could win my dignity or ego back by following this program?

    Yesterday we talked on the phone, he told me he cut off contact with that girl. And he asked me if I could forgive him. But if I’ll follow your program, me not being in contact with him, doesn’t that lead him to her? Me being unavailable and all. Isn’t it true guys give up easily? If he could get a fuck with her, he’ll do it. Where does that leave me? And do I really get over him while I’m following your plan?

    I’d really like to have an honest opinion. Help me plse!



  169. I’ve just succesfully proved that your strategy is correct.
    Also the comment from Kristin was more than correct, and the story of Andy was inspirational.

    I’ve used the strategies in this acrticle to help a lady friend of mine win back her ex boyfriend.
    After being together for seven years, her boyfriend started wanting to see other girls. They’ve broken up a couple of times and she was always the desperate one trynig to get him back and controlling he situation.
    I guess her beauty made up for her desperation. But after seven years anyone could understand that the guy wanted som eother pussy and he got sick and tired of her claiming attitude. And this time he really was done with her

    However I tutored her with this information and after a couple of weeks, he was begging her to take him back!

    But now that she’s on top of the power struggle again, she really doesn’t feel like contineuing with this guy.

    But at least she regained her self esteem and ego, and she can move on.


  170. What if I’m the one who dumped her? I dumped her because I was banging 3 other girls and she was number 4 which is too many for me, so I let her go. Now it’s a year later and 2 of the other broads have broken up with me and now I want her in my rotation.


  171. As long as you are sincere about your intentions, you can go a long way in getting back with your ex girlfriend. You just have to be a man and stop playing games. Let her know that you won’t make the same mistakes again. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’m now back together with my ex because I believe that a true love like ours deserves a second chance. It’s gonna be all worth it.


  172. In a nut shell basically you have to demonstrate that you are not afraid to lose the woman you are with. Indifference and other variations of game are just a variation of this though you can be anything you like as long as she knows you can walk if you want.


  173. Hi, this site is great, I’m learning a lot. I was hoping if I could get some advice on how to deal with my current situation.

    I got dumped 2 days ago on the phone after almost 3 years with her. I still have lots of feelings for her and I really want her back. Before I got dumped, I tried my best to save the relationship. She said she lost feelings for me and she thought the relationship was not going work out. She felt that I was part of her family and we would be great friends. That’s all, no other feelings.

    Straight after she dumped me, I sent her an email telling her that I tried my best to keep her happy during the relationship. However, her loss of feelings probably stemmed from me as I lost my feelings towards her after 1.5 years into the relationship. I did not tell her that at the time as I wanted to ensure my loss of feelings was not temporary. I wanted to work on my own and see if I could get my feelings back. The reason why I lost feelings was because I felt that she was very self-centered, she did not consider my feelings. I felt it was me trying my best to keep her happy all the time.

    So the in the following 12 months, I actually got my feelings back. But during the same 12 months, our conversation slowed down, our relationship became so mundane that even I could feel it was really boring. Fast track to last week, she told me that she thought we had nothing to talk to about and she’d lost her feelings for me.

    Today is day 3, I had no contact with her until she sent the following message tonight:

    “I know you tried, you’ve been so supportive and considerate during our relationship. I’m truly grateful for everything you’ve done for me. A lot of times I didn’t show it and probably didn’t do enough things to make you happy. I’m sorry… I want to know, why did you lose feelings for me? Was it because I was too demanding and selfish?”

    My usual instinct would be to reply her immediately. But after reading this site, I understand I have to get my power back in order to get her back. Getting my power back means I have to be indifferent.

    What should I do now? Ignore her message? Wait for a few days to reply? If I reply, what should I say? I’m feeling really nervous as I do not want to do the wrong thing to push her away again.

    Thanks in advance.


  174. I forgot to mention in my previous post that in my email to her after I got dumped, I said good bye to her.

    I said “my aim is always to make you happy, good bye, and I hope you will find the happiness without me being there. I’m confident that your new chapter of life will be wonderful. Thank you for the last 32 months, it was the best 32 months of my life.”

    I don’t know if that had any effect on her.


  175. I’m a couple of years behind, but thought you might be interested in my brief story of getting the girl back after she broke up with me. My secret? I didn’t need her anymore.

    See my website address.


  176. JM,

    Not a chance! You raised her DMV whilst simultaneously lowering yours.

    You should have told her that you’re going to miss her ass or something to that effect. You just cut your balls off and sent them with her.


  177. I will try to keep this question short. BTW this is a Great site! I have searched MANY other sites for my questions, and this one seems to have things figured out.

    Girl and I broke up (me being the dumpee) month and a half ago. Signs were there, I was too blind to read them. Sends me the breakup via text, I didn’t respond and didn’t contact for a month (that was difficult). Month passes by, I texted her to meet up so we could exchange posessions. We met up, she explains everything. Says there was another guy, but that things didn’t work out. I ask if it’s over BTW us, she says she doesn’t think it is. We parted ways after a short kiss.

    Next day she calls and wants to hang out, so I let her tag along with me on one of my errands. Things were OK, I could sense she was still hesitant. Got back to her car, we kissed again. Next day she calls because she needs help with something. I offer a time window in which I can help, then she realizes the time window won’t work for her.

    We don’t talk for a couple days after that. Then Sunday I invited her over, said she would come over but had to have some dinner with friends first. I called later and decided to cancel. I left it with a text saying “maybe call me later this week?”. No response, so I call. She picks up and I tell her I can’t meet tonight, but maybe later this week?. She says that’s fine, we say our salutations.

    Up until our last phone call, she had been talking in a very girly voice on the phone with me, which she never does.

    She called later in the week, but made it seem like a pocket dial. I never responded. Now we haven’t spoken in about 2 weeks.

    I figured I would wait another week, then call to say Hi? Or keep to the NC and let her come to me?

    Thanks for the help!


  178. Keep to the NC.

    Since my last post, my ex and I had dinner after she bumped into me after work and asked me to catch up and talk. So at dinner, we talked, laughed, hugged, kissed blah blah. She was very warm and apologised for the break up blah blah. Sent me a sms later thanking me for the dinner and said she was happy to see me.

    Called her a few days afterwards, her tone was distant and cold. Invited her to lunch to which she accepted. But on the day of the lunch, she cancelled 1 hour before the lunch and said she totally forgot about some work function.

    Bad moves from me and I’ve been keeping to NC ever since. That was 2 weeks ago.


  179. on February 15, 2011 at 5:45 pm BetaizedBastard

    Update on my story:

    The girl I dumped ended up trying to get me back. Inspite of the my beta game, the end result was her still trying to get back to me.

    I did not spurn her response, but I was purposefully cordial yet distant (cold, in her words).

    This resulted in massive levels of hamster-spinning and frustration – after two months of knowing that I was deliberately avoiding her, and that I had no intention of contacting her ever again, she deleted me.

    I then reinitiated contact, and got a VERY positive response.

    My game was still so bad, though, that I waited TOO long to do anything.

    I did not put her in a situation where she could vent her emotions – ie. let her hamster spin in public. I actually let her get away with not having to say anything.

    This made it easier for her to get over me – and when I finally decided I had to go for it, now or never, I got burned.

    BetaizedBastard. I wasted one year of my life pining over a girl with whom I never had a chance exactly because I was pining over her. Probably the most painful experience to date. Fortunately, the one which will prevent me from making any dumb mistakes like this one again.

    He should design an on-line multiple choice test for his readers (trick questions and all) so that they can gauge their game skills and always be painfully aware of how far or how close they are to theoretical mastery of these concepts. I know I could’ve used that knowledge about myself. I underestimated the power of the female id.


  180. Quick question,

    I’ve been with a girl for 3 years and she has been what you would call an alpha female. Has been always with everything. She has gotten everything she has ever wanted and more. After 3 years we broke up and the 3 years of maximum fighting about very little things. On new years, she hung out with this other guy more than me (The guy she loves!). Irritated, I told her i couldn’t watch this shit anymore and left. She called me later in the day to talk abt it and apologized about everything. At this point, I told her that we cannot be friends and its us together or nothing! she chose nothing. I said my goodbye.

    She didnt call back at all and on the 3rd day i couldnt take the distance and called her. She was cold and distant and i just gave her more space. It turns out the time we didn’t speak, she started speaking to the same guy that she hung out with on new years and there is something thats developing between the two. So i said, take care! have a good life! and ignored the one or two odd gtalk chats she would send.

    This is really strange to happen with a 3 year old relationship with a girl (i am the first everything!) and more than her.

    At this entire time, please note i did not give in to any of her rules or her desire for us to be friends… and still haven’t. We spoke after 3 weeks yesterday and she was all like “i’m glad you’re messaging/talking to me again” , for which i didnt respond n pretty much remained indifferent.

    Q1. Am i doing all right?
    Q2. For an alpha female that she is, how does all that you’ve said hold up?
    Q3. I assume that all women, no matter alpha or beta, are inside all the same? fair enough to assume that?

    (the new guy is dark, somewhat ugly, where i still am and has always been the good looking guy that i am! 😉 )


  181. to the last commenter
    dude, really would be better for you to try to move on and start seeing other women and have minimal (preferably no) contact with her for the next while
    at the moment, she has a guy waiting in the wings whilst you don’t have any other chicas waiting for you
    in this situation she has all the power, she has options
    you should keep any contact with her minimal, short, light-hearted and keep yourself busy with other stuff, hobbies/sports, go for a drive/take a weekend away or something, meet up with some buddies, etc
    just do stuff, and while you’re busy doing other things, she’ll become less important
    and talk to women wherever you meet them, casually flirt, make jokes, etc
    no woman is worth pedastalling bro, i learned that the hard way


  182. I’m 24 years old and my girlfriend and I broke up on Valentine’s Day. I began learning about game last year and have slowly been learning the techniques as best as I can. She’s 21 and the two of us met online via a popular dating website – she was also my first girlfriend. We were together for three months (an official couple for half of that span). Our time together was fun, for the most part. She would occasionally get mad at little things I said, but I mostly ignored or laughed at them to her face because I thought she was just nitpicking.

    The weekend of Superbowl Sunday, I picked her up on her campus and her roommate asked what we were doing for the night. I made one of my typical immature jokes and my girlfriend became furious with me. In our time together, I always made immature jokes (sometimes my negging and immaturity were misconstrued). That entire night I dealt with her testing and a bad mood, which inevitably got me depressed. We were intimate that night. The morning of Super Sunday, she wanted to buy me breakfast, but I refused because of how depressed she got me during the night and I told her I was going home instead. She called me twice two hours before kickoff (I ignored both calls), then I texted her Monday morning explaining I was out with friends for the game. She called me that Monday night (2/7) and told me she wanted to take a break, giving me a bunch of “it’s not you it’s me” excuses. She broke out crying on the phone and she said, “I really do love you.”

    That’s the huge catch to all of this. The week before she called me for this “break”, she told me “I love you” for the FIRST time. I thought for sure that this meant at least another few weeks together. I thought I was in golden shape and had control of our relationship. Anyway, I whimpered on the phone after she told me she wanted a break.

    I asked her why she thought that and she told me it’s because of her depression, alcohol abuse, and other issues that she hasn’t told me or anyone else. I assured her I was there for her, but that didn’t console her. She explained how when she saw me that Saturday night she didn’t feel that spark and didn’t feel animated. She told me that she “really does love me” and wouldn’t see other people when I asked. I told her I loved her too and offered her the option to call me if she ever needed anything. The reason I did this is because, unlike other girls in my past, she didn’t say I was a “nice guy” or “let’s just be friends.” She broke down crying on the phone, and even though I suspected they were crocodile tears, I whimpered a little. I told her about all the nice stuff I had planned for V-Day and she promised to call me on Valentine’s night. Twenty minutes after we got off the phone, she removed our relationship from facebook, but didn’t list herself as single. I spent the week in a completely depressed nightmare. Then, it was Valentine’s night….

    I initially dumped her on the phone V-Day. She told me she was relieved with my decision. As we got to talking, she mentioned how much fun she had with me and all the time we were alone and I asked her what she was going to do when she called me. She said she wasn’t sure either. But she said she wasn’t lying when she said she loved me. She preferred to talk about things in person – I offered that night, but she said she had too many things to do.

    We talked for 45 minutes and, even though I initially dumped her, I noticed whenever I said things like, “I want to see you again” or “I think we can make this work,” she would pause for long periods of time (over a minute each time) like she was unsure of how she felt. I told her how my friends didn’t want me to get back with her, then she said that her friends said the same thing about me. I think she was just trying to push the breakup because it was the move I initially made, but who knows.

    I got her to explain the reasons she wanted a break and she said it was because 1) she never felt listened to when she asked me to stop making my comments, 2) she didn’t like it when I laughed at her when she got angry with me, and 3) my immature comments really did anger her which caused her patience with me to wear thin. She went on to say that she was worried whenever we went out with her friends because she was afraid I might say something stupid. But, when does a girl ever give you the real reason behind a break up?

    Toward the end of the call, I said… “So, concluding comments: I care about you, I think there’s lot of potential. Just not right now. Let’s see where we’re at in a few months, a few years, or whatever. And I don’t want to be your friend! What are your concluding comments?”

    “Let’s grow up,” she said. “I think we both have a lot of work to do on ourselves. You’re a good guy. And in the meantime… fuck mad bitches.”

    “What I don’t get an ‘I care about you’ too?’”

    “Now I feel like an asshole.”

    “That’s why I asked for concluding comments. To see if you would say it,” I teased.

    “I care about you too, which I’m not lying about by the way.”

    At the end, I said, “So, until then, you have my facebook and we both have the right to message each other when we think this can work.”

    We haven’t spoken since that phone call – no texts, emails, or anything. No contact. We went to dinner or stayed inside on almost every one of our dates, so I think she just got bored. Not to mention how she constantly demanded apologies out of me after I told her how much I hated apologizing – and it was one of my immature comments/poor negging that required apology every time.

    I’ve gotten advice from some friends who are good with women and this is what they told me – 1) don’t contact her for 3-4 weeks because that will be when she is the loneliest, and 2) have other girls flirt with me via facebook because it will make her fear losing me for good. So far, I’ve followed these points and my friends assure me that she will realize that she’s made a mistake and WILL call me to get back together.

    I’m not hopeful because I saw she started a profile on a different dating website Valentine’s morning, hours before she called me – she still checks it today and anyone can be in her life right now. Also, on our phone call, I dumped her within the first few minutes of the call, which my friends tell me is bad because it changes the dynamic of the advice they gave me. I like to think that she dumped me when she said she wanted a break, but what does she think the truth is?

    Has she lost attraction for me? Is she worth getting back – who says “I love you” one week, then “Let’s take a break” the next? What if she doesn’t call me? Do I call her?

    I saw photos of her on facebook that went up the weekend of the 18th and she looks miserable in them – noticeably baggy eyes and pale skin. These photos were taken on a night she was supposed to go to a party in NYC, but she obviously skipped it (because she was feeling depressed?).

    I feel like we have a chance to get back together because of our feelings for each other. But I also think that if she did love me, she would have fought for our relationship after I dumped her initially on V-Day.

    Please give me the clarity I seek. I’m dying inside.


  183. You talked too long.

    You’re young and really stupid. I mean really stupid.

    1) Get all things that remind you of her, put them in a plastic bag, and hide them in the deepest, darkest corner of your attic out of reach and too much trouble to go look at. Photos, gifts, letters, CDs, etc.

    2) Don’t watch TV, and get rid of your computer. Delete her number and all texts from her.

    3) Delete her from FB.

    4) Resolve to find a new music to keep your mind preoccupied. Exercise every day WITHOUT exception. Set up beery get-togethers with your bros, and approach without exception 2 women EVERY day using openers from this site.

    5) Read through this website – all of it, every single article, and underline each part relevant to your situation. Stop thinking like a desperate beta. Read all the comments for this thread, too.

    Here is the logic: even if you have a chance of getting her back, which is doubtful, you need to liberate yourself of her now. That is why you broke up. You need to feel you can live without her.

    Don’t lie to yourself. As long as you CAN’T live without her, you are lost.

    This is what the above will do. If she does have feelings for you, deleting her from FB will at first make her feel empowered, but after a couple of weeks she’ll be dying of curiosity and want to contact you.

    If you have any money, go couchsurfing.

    Do everything you can to forget her – whether you get back together or not, it will serve you best.


  184. on March 4, 2011 at 10:22 am Finger's Breath

    I think that the onset of online dating makes winning a girl back THAT much harder. She’ll forget you that much more easily because she’ll get fifty messages the first day she signs up.

    That three to four week loneliness peak needs to be recalculated and restudied to adjust for this.


  185. sorry typo on the last post.

    my girlfriend has been telling*


  186. Help me out.
    So my girlfriend has been a friend of hers that she finds our relationship boring and uninteresting. We’re in a long distance relationship. There might also be another guy involved. I’m seeing her in a few days. If I don’t act now this relationship is over, i can feel it. How can I go about fixing an almost dead relationship? Are there any tricks I can go about when skyping her? Please help soon. Thanks bro.

    If this is unfixable, should I initiate the breakup?



  187. I am hanging out with my ex girlfriend next weekend for the first time in what will be six weeks. She’s angry with me because I was disrespectful to her in our relationship (things like joking when she tried to address an issue or ignoring her). How can I win her back if she’s mad?

    All you need to know is that before this, I initiated NC, then when I asked her for drinks all she said was, “I don’t know. I have a lot of work to do.” I called her yesterday and apologized to her for the way I acted in our relationship. We spoke for 90 minutes and I cried a little. She said very emotional things like, “I’m resentful and angry with you and that’s what it comes down to,” “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. Not now. Not ever” and “My feelings changed. You really hurt me.”


  188. Red flags that you are on your way out,in no particular order…. They call you jealous, possesive, and all of that garbage ( because you call them on thier obvious bullshit..)….THEN the night(s) you are usually hanging out, she will claim to be ‘tired’.. Then the stupid conversations start about ‘feelings’… calling,trying to talk to her,and when you DO talk to her, she seems distant,uses HALF the words she used to..THEN you realise you arent talking as much,calls being returned hours later instead of minutes……..THEN, you notice her phone is busier than usual..THEN, she hides behind the same excuse (family problem,etc,etc,..THEN, she will accuse you of crowding her…THEN, she wants space…THEN, she will touch on the topic of you stalking her….BUT, of course you arent…..THEN one day you just dont call..and you never hear from her again….SO GO AHEAD, GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED….and see how it ends up….