The Worst Bars In DC For Pickup

Black Cat

Unless you’re a member in good standing with one of the three main cliques that call this dump home, forget about it. Insular, pretentious, haughty little fucks that are the mirror image of the douchey Late Night Shots crowd act as the designated in-group gatekeepers. Watch out for androgynous betaboys knocking over drinks with their ubiquitous satchels, and heavily made up punkrock girls asking for blow or change for the cigarette machine. If you’re not a scenester or haven’t banged at least one chick from each clique, don’t expect to hook up here. The guys are limpdicked betas but they’re scattered everywhere, like fey hipster pylons blocking you off from the pussy with their feeble perimeter defenses. The girls have perfected the art of the wary sidelong glance and righteous sneer. But hey, they’re cute, so if you like getting aloof attitude from cute chicks this is your venue.

Bedrock Billiards

Dive bar, local hangout, hip lounge-y vibe. Sounds great on paper but the reality is quite different. Go there almost any night of the week and you’ll have to weave through ten guys before finding a girl. Bedrock proves the rule that it’s Ratio Uber Alles. A bad ratio can deep six an otherwise glorious bar. This is a great place to bring a date, not find a date.

Sequoia

Georgetown waterfront
12 dollar beers
gee, another blueblood cunt
I envy the queers

Tom Tom

great to be a girl here.

great to be a girl here.

Lima

A pomade, eurotrash, expensive watered down drinks, eardrum bleeding club music grenade just exploded. Why are you taking shrapnel? Bonus: When the dry ice smoke nozzles go off right above your head the noise is so piercingly loud it will cockblock you.

Local 16

This is the Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde bar. Before midnight – pickup heaven. After midnight – sucks. Would you like to fuck the law in practice as well as in revolutionary spirit? This place is for you — it’s overrun with lawyer chicks. It’s also overrun with aspiring pickup artists roaming the premises like horny jackals. Lawyers. PUAs. It’s almost poetic. Safety tip: The roof deck becomes unnavigable later in the night. If there’s a fire and you’re caught in the middle of that clusterfuck, you’re dead.

Tryst

Tryst has done the impossible — a bar/coffeehouse filled to the brim with cute chicks who are totally unapproachable thanks to its maze-like seating arrangement. There is no way to look cool walking up to a girl sitting on a couch a mile away and protected on her flanks by bustling servers and antique furniture set at inconvenient angles. The feng shui here is very anti-player. Tryst’s cloyingly hip website makes me VOM a lot outside my mouth.





Comments


  1. on August 28, 2008 at 2:55 pm Dr. Grzlickson

    Mrs. Grzlickson just ran off with the garbage man.

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  2. What bar has the most unshaved women?

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  3. What bar has the most unshaved women?

    this one:

    http://www.phase1dc.com/

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  4. so uh… why are you giving them better page-rank by linking to them. go back and remove your A tags.

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  5. Just admit it Roissy – you secretly love me. You can’t go three posts without mentioning me.

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  6. The beauty of most of those joints (Black Cat in particular) is that they’re famous but not much fun. Call a girl and say, “Hey, let’s go to black cat” and you can be at her place an hour later.

    *only works if the girl doesn’t hang out at that venue enough to know it’s shit. Or worse, hangs out at the venue and likes it.

    It’s the equivalent of having a girl watch an old “classic” movie – it sounds good on paper, but she’ll beg you to distract her physically, just to have something more interesting to do.

    Roissy – you travel a lot. I’m going to LA for about 2 months, and have never been part of the whole “PUA” community. How bad is the competition in the home of Project Hollywood and the like?

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  7. you need to be slapped and anally reamed

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  8. Haven’t you ever heard of putting up a “not work friendly” warning?

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  9. Solid bar for picking up low key, unpretentious broads for SNLs: Toledo Lounge.

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  10. having been my buddy’s wingman many a time at scenester/Indie places/shows/bars…I learned long ago places ala the Black Cat description are EVEN MORE pretentious than your average watering hole. There’s something simply supremely irritating about a girl who thinks she’s cool b/c none of her clothes match and b/c of her obscure taste in music you know she secretly doesn’t actually like, just says she likes to prove her scenester status. Ugh. The Indie/scenester bit died on me before it ever began. The MOST beta of males not fucking the most pretentious of girls. Spare me.

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  11. on August 28, 2008 at 5:36 pm Dr. Grzlickson

    Which bars do garbage men hang out at? Maybe I can find Mrs. Grzlickson and win her back before they consumate their love.

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  12. I do well at black cat but I am a thin dude with an ironic mustache. So results may vary.

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  13. LMAO you just described 75% of Philadelphia, with the three cliques you mentioned covering the entire damn city instead of one bar. Still prefer it to DC, though.

    Have you tried lying about being a DJ?

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  14. The Black Cat description I meant

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  15. Are there any good dance clubs in DC?

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  16. bob: There’s plenty to go around in LA. My own experience is limited, but there’s enough mass of people where I feel like it doesn’t matter.

    I generally agree with our host here, but TomTom, is a good place to find your Standard Issue Drunk Girl. Ratio is not always that bad. The douchebaggery innate to the place puts me out of the mood though.

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  17. @ #7 Kick A Bitch and Roissy:

    Yes, anal sex. The most alpha form of sex known to man. All women secretly dream of getting their sphincters stretched by the giant dick of a true alpha.

    Roissy, can you write an entry on this topic? Specifically what is the best method of introducing the subject to a woman your about to bed?

    Thanks

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  18. best places in Toronto for pick-up?

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  19. Good places in Toronto for pick-up?

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  20. Good places for pick-ups? How about good places for cheap booze? That mention of $12 beers almost sobered me up!

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  21. don’t spill the beans on the good places, please.

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  22. on August 28, 2008 at 7:44 pm Not getting it

    “Dr. Grzlickson”-

    Are your comments some kind of inside joke between you and Roissy? Are they suppose to be funny? Are you just an attention -whore?

    I think if you can’t improve the discussion, don’t say anything at all…just my humble opinion.

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  23. dr. grzlickson is seafighter hsv. at least he’s not talking about military ships anymore. a minor improvement, to be sure.

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  24. Good places in Toronto for pick-up?

    The Republic.

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  25. Alright, Roissy. What are the best bars in DC for pickup?

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  26. dwayne….
    if you’re not getting anal she’s not really yours. if she’s holding out, if she’s determining how far things go…well then…either she’s holding out for some other dude, or she’s just holding out on you. both of which prove that she has control.
    i won’t date any girl long term that doesn’t accept this request fairly regularly.

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  27. on August 28, 2008 at 10:31 pm the_alpha_male

    “Good places in Toronto for pick-up?”

    I remember the Brandt House was popular not to long ago. Haven’t been there in 3 years.

    Haven’t been to a club in 2 years but alot people say that Century is good but it’s a slightly older crowd and that the women at Cheval are mint. Cheval looks dead whenever i walk by it though.

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  28. Is there an alpha only bar? Or an alpha mostly bar? I’d like to know so I can avoid it.

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  29. Roissy, I must say your little diagrams would make great t-shirts. No caption required.

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  30. Roissy, two other bars that should have been on the “worst bars” list for pickup are Asylum and Club Heaven & Hell.

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  31. on August 29, 2008 at 4:00 am InterestedParty

    “Ratio Uber Alles”

    Absofucking-lutely. If I find myself in a place like this, then I’m either going to concentrate on hanging out/getting drunk(but not too drunk…can’t take the hangover in my old age), or leave.

    As you said, assuming you’re not afraid to go up and talk to women, the ratio becomes most important factor of “picking up women”.

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  32. this post & the attending comments are pure comedic genius.

    death to the inventor of dry ice smoke nozzles, btw.

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  33. 32 qt

    You may not like the dry ice smoke nozzles, but aren’t they better than smelly fog juice? Personally I prefer strobe lights over fog effects.

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  34. Why is the concept of being “picked up” so objectionable? Would you guys like the idea of being “picked up”. Kind of insulting actually. Personally, I don’t wanna be “picked up”. Your word usage betrays a certain shallowness of purpose. Those who are picked up must be put down is how I see it. Like gravity. Words are very powerful as they reflect attitudes and the whole picking up thing stinks. Who has time? If a man wants to get to know me, great, otherwise put me down. I’m not for picking up and thanks for letting me vent that little bit of garbage.

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  35. This blog is crap.

    If you want to read a real man, visit

    bolsonon.wordpress.com

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  36. Sara I:
    It’s okay to be jealous.

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  37. 36 bob

    Sara I:
    It’s okay to be jealous.

    The #1 favorite accusation around here.

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  38. “Good places in Toronto for pick-up?”

    I haven’t been in a couple of years, but it is hard to find a bad place to meet girls in that town.

    Plenty of great hotels, restaurants, lounges and clubs. The street is great for street Game too.

    Guys are very docile.

    Girls are fly.

    Sept. is a great time of year too.

    I am going to go book a flight.

    – MPM

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  39. […] public links >> grenade Steyr AUG A4 (ADI Austeyr F88 A4) Saved by snarkhunt on Sun 21-12-2008 The Worst Bars In DC For Pickup Saved by bemike on Sun 14-12-2008 New Hutch Prints Saved by kjbrand on Thu 11-12-2008 Attack of […]

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  40. I stumbled across this as I was looking for your dead blogger post to mention another “escape from DC,” event, http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/dc/33-year-old-dc-man-killed-walking-home-in-northwest-012011
    You need to update this list, I think St. Ex and Policy have hit the wall. I am glad that I am not the only one who finds Local 16 to be a soul sucker after dark.

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