Compliance

Spend any amount of time in the company of naturals and you’ll notice something they all have in common is how, without much forethought, they have women do things for them.

“Here, take my hand.”

“Follow me.”

“Be a cool girl and buy me a beer.”

“Hold onto my scarf, I want to show you something.” 

Pickup artists have a name for this type of social interaction — compliance game. It’s a very important component of pickup because it serves two powerful functions; one, it forces the woman into the man’s frame of reality, and two, it raises his value relative to hers. If she is not getting her way and is consenting to him getting his way, then she is in his world where he makes the rules. He now sets the pace and direction of the seduction. This is very attractive to women. When she invests in him by doing things for him, no matter how insignificant (“hold my scarf”), her acquiescence creates an emotional state that influences her perception of him as having high social value. The very act of assenting to a random person’s command establishes an authority/follower dynamic, no matter the objective differences in their actual value.

Pickup artists have, in all their systematizing and categorizing intellectual glory, devised ways to mimic the naturals’ instinctive game and get the same results from women. I have used these methods, both consciously and instinctually, and the results are nothing short of astounding. Testing for compliance is an indispensable technique.

Recent innovations in the “pickup community” give even more ammunition to the inveterate seducer. Here, I will pass along one.

Sometimes, a girl will not comply with the positive vibe you are trying to generate. Maybe you said something nerdy or you were prematurely forward or your body language wasn’t right. When this happens an awkward tension occurs. She looks at you funny or crosses her arms. Think of it as her trying to impose her reality on you. The way to turn it around is to call her out on her behavior and make it seem as if her noncompliance is strange. For example, let’s say you just asked her to give you her palm for a reading and she reacts with a weird look.

Girl: [weird look]

You: [lean back and give her a suspicious eye] Hey, what’s going on? You’re giving me a funny look and it’s really making me feel kind of awkward. You’re cool with all this, right?

Girl: No, don’t worry, everything’s cool. It was just a strange request.

You: Yeah, well, that look you gave was weirding me out. If you’re not comfortable feel free to leave anytime.

Girl: No, no, really, it’s OK. You’re cool.

Congratulations, you have just escorted the girl straight into your reality. Not only is she complying, but she has verbalized that you are cool. By calling her weird for her behavior or saying she is giving off weird vibes, (“weird” is an excellent word to use on a girl because it’s a word that girls use all the time to describe things about men that bother them), you force her to qualify herself to you. Adding that she can leave at any time assuages her that you are non-needy.

You can run with this technique until she is all smiles, telling you she likes you, and hugging you.

You: I’m glad we’re cool with each other. Come here, give me a hug. Whoa, hands up here, not down there!

Ultimately, the goal is to reframe every negative thing a girl does or says as a problem with her, not you, so that you are never on the defensive making excuses for yourself. A defensive man is a sexless man.





Comments


  1. you cannot find real love when you base your relationship on a lie from the get-go
    fact.

    Like


  2. Maybe you said something nerdy or you were prematurely forward

    Nerds aren’t very forward in my experience. Besides that, I like nerdy guys much more than sporty guys. The only thing I think that nerdy guys need is a bit better sense of style when it comes to clothes.

    Adding that she can leave at any time assuages her that you are non-needy.

    I also rather like needy guys. I come from a line of medical doctors and love to play healers in video games. I’ve always been all about the clingy type of men who give me mountains of love. I admit, I’m a weirdo, which is probably why I don’t have many female friends.

    how, without much forethought, they have women do things for them.

    A lot of alpha males get men to do this, too. There’s an excellent character in William Gibson’s novel, Pattern Recognition, who exerts a kind of personality force on people that compels people to do what he wants them to do. In fact, Hubertus Bigend pretty much assumes what he wants done will be done. Naturally, he’s the big-money boss.

    Like


  3. So according to your logic every man that I tell to hold my purse for a few seconds and actually does (which is every man I’ve ever dated) is now my follower, making me the authority figure. Sweet.

    BTW being an ass is not a great way to get a quality girl, but if all you want is ass then I guess your techniques could work on insecure and needy women.

    Like


  4. This is sort of irrelevant to this particular post, but I thought it’d be relevant to the overall blog: http://economist.com/displaystory.cfm?story_id=10311266

    Like


  5. I love your little story here. I was approached by an amazingly hot and handsome man at a local wine bar. As we sat next to each other, we somehow got off on the subject of astrological signs. When I told him my sign, it turned out his was the same and he immediately slid down a few stools. Funny move! Before the night was out I was wedged between his warm strong thighs as he was sitting on the bar stool and I was standing in front of him It seemed every attractive woman who came in that night wanted to get in on the fun. I did end up giving him my number and we talked on the phone, but weren’t able to get together because he was going “out of town”. So one night he called and attempted to use his powers of persuasion to get me to meet him that night at the local hot springs. It seemed he was not going to take “NO” for an answer but my suspicions were aroused and I asked him about his “out of town” excursions and finally asked point blank, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Thankfully, he was honest and said “Yes.”. I must have broken his game a bit there but we became very good friends after he apologized to me. I still enjoy flirting with him and talking on the phone and he has since broken up with with his girlfriend but still carries a torch and has moved to a different town. Who knows what the future holds? But one thing I’ve learned. Trust is key. Trust is #1.

    Like


  6. So what do you do when your girl won’t comply when you call her out? What if she doesn’t say that you’re cool and instead points out that whatever you’re urging her to do is actually kind of dumb/way too dorky/demeaning/douchebaggish?

    Like


  7. Let me see if I understand this. Guys suffer from having their self image shattered by women who reject them so they in turn learn game, bed women and then reject them thereby shattering THEIR self image and this helps their own self image–how much?

    Obviously it does, else they wouldn’t do it, but it’s a tiny step up. Why not make secret plots of revenge but not actually carry them out? Why not work on their own self image without the possibility of deceiving other human beings for purposes of revenge and sex procurement and then having to do all of this subsequent after the fact rationalizing? Is it possible for a man to feel good about himself without wreaking havoc on the opposite sex?

    Like


  8. Hope said:

    I also rather like needy guys. I come from a line of medical doctors and love to play healers in video games. I’ve always been all about the clingy type of men who give me mountains of love. I admit, I’m a weirdo, which is probably why I don’t have many female friends.

    I’m glad you realize that your preferences might be atypical. The interesting thing about most pickup information is that it is tailored for the average woman. This is both a strength and a weakness. Many non-typical women are mystified by pickup and insist, “that wouldn’t work on me!” or “I’m not like that!”

    Maybe true, but the fact is that most women do work that way. And pickup artists have to pay attention to how typical women work before they branch out to atypical women. (Unfortunately, some pickup artists never branch out in their methods, which is a shame. Personally, the women that I prefer tend to not be typical, so certain pickup rules don’t apply, or need to be modified.)

    Like


  9. Is it possible for a man to feel good about himself without wreaking havoc on the opposite sex?

    That’s the trillion dollar question, the perpetual internal conflict between the side that wants to have sex with many women, and the side that wants to be a genuinely caring and compassionate human being.

    Like


  10. everyone is different
    but not that different, after all, we’re all still one species
    we all conform
    some of us comform more than others
    there is a mean and standard deviation for all human behavior
    the majority will always be noticed and only averages are reported
    but, yes, we are all different, don’t forget that!

    women “fall” for game because we want to. it’s so nice to have a guy take is time out to notice us, to talk to us, to give us attention. the reason some guys succeed more than others is because the ones who are good are thinking more about the girl and what she would want to hear, and the ones who are bad are thinking more about themselves and what they want to hear.

    Like


  11. the reason some guys succeed more than others is because the ones who are good are thinking more about the girl and what she would want to hear, and the ones who are bad are thinking more about themselves and what they want to hear.

    No, they’re all trying to tell you what you want to hear. The difference between those that are good at it and bad at it is that the good ones say what you actually want to hear, and the bad ones say what they think you want to hear.

    Like


  12. VK: Baby be a doll and let me rest my balls on your chin.

    If this doesn’t work, I’m kicking your ass.

    Like


  13. All of you need to stop following the fuzzy hat man’s method and take of the black nail polish. Tyler Durden’s realsocialdynamics.com is where the new wave of pick up is at.

    Like


  14. “VK: Baby be a doll and let me rest my balls on your chin.

    If this doesn’t work, I’m kicking your ass.”

    I just spit out my tea.

    Like


  15. madame m – 9 times out of 10 that won’t happen. she’ll react the way i described. but for that one time she balks the man should proceed based on her tone of voice. if she balks playfully then he should continue gaming her as if her reality was subservient to his. if she balks with a nasty undertone then he should simply tell her “nice to meet you” and leave.

    sara – you have understood wrongly.

    Like


  16. HighRistik, you feel there is a “typical woman”? How about a “typical man”?

    That’s why I find pickup theory for men and women so funny. Cosmo, whichever side is talking. It’s rare to hear, “This won’t work on everyone.” Instead, all men and women are the same.

    Like


  17. yes, there is a “typical man”.
    yes, there are exceptions to the rule.
    no, the rule is not invalidated by the existence of these exceptions.

    to all the women reading the words of my tender lovin’ wisdom:
    why do you have such difficulty grasping the concept of rules and exceptions?

    i mean, jesus fucking christ, how many times does it need to be repeated?

    Like


  18. Just the once would be fine. Actually, if you would say, “women are people and sometimes they have personalities” just the once, that would probably cover it.

    Pickup droids say the same stuff over and over, which makes it difficult to formulate a novel response.

    Like


  19. Not to put words in the man’s mouth, but maybe just maybe if you gave him half a chance he might tell you he actually wishes girls weren’t so predictable.

    Like


  20. Actually, tink, that’s a good question, do you prefer your women predictable or unpredictable?

    Like


  21. Dear John Smith, regarding comment #12

    So nice of you to put it that way, but I really don’t think you have to choose either/or. When given a choice between two things you want, always find a way to have both.

    Like


  22. Maybe true, but the fact is that most women do work that way. And pickup artists have to pay attention to how typical women work before they branch out to atypical women.

    Actually, I probably do work that way, if I wasn’t so “me” — introverted, self-directed, and oblivious to the outside world. When I read the writing and apply the real life situations hypothetically on someone who is “typical,” I know they would work. I’m simply an exception much in the same way that a worm who never pokes its head out of the soil won’t get eaten by the bird.

    Back in the day my husband had many attractive girls who were willing to sleep with him. I told him that he had game, because instead of telling the girls how hot or pretty they were, he was being his clever, witty and charming self. He balked and said I made him sound seedy and manipulative, when he was just engaging in conversations. I assured him he wasn’t; he was a natural.

    I think women prefer the unconscious kind of pick up artist who intuitively knows rather than the methodological type, because we feel like it’s more “authentic.” That shows from some the comments on this blog about alpha males who simply are, rather than made.

    where the new wave of pick up is at.

    That site gives me a headache.

    I think part of the reason why I tend to come back to this place is that it has no banner ads, no trashy photographs, and isn’t trying to sell me anything (sorry, Roosh). If I may say it, this blog is almost refreshingly high class despite bouts of angry lashings at his commenters, as most of the so-called pick up artists I’ve read have some rather trashy websites.

    Like


  23. P, regarding comment #11. Please allow me to convey my depth of misunderstanding.

    “If she is not getting her way and is consenting to him getting his way, then she is in his world where he makes the rules.”
    ** Wow. Quick AND easy! **

    “He now sets the pace and direction of the seduction. This is very attractive to women.”
    ** I think you misuse the word “attractive” here. **

    “her acquiescence creates an emotional state that influences her perception of him as having high social value.”
    ** High “social value”? You must be dating some real winners. **

    “The very act of assenting to a random person’s command establishes an authority/follower dynamic, no matter the objective differences in their actual value.”
    ** Are you talking about dogs or women? **

    “Pickup artists have, in all their systematizing and categorizing intellectual glory….and the results are nothing short of astounding.”
    ** Your EGO is astounding! **

    “…give even more ammunition to the inveterate seducer.”
    ** you use the word “ammunition” and I’m not understanding? I must truly be an idiot then. **

    “You: Yeah, well, that look you gave was weirding me out. If you’re not comfortable feel free to leave anytime.”
    ** Me: Exit stage left. You’re screwing very stupid women. **

    In summary I have to say that women who fall for this type of approach are so dumb. The only cure is for them to wise up. Even when what you suggest “works” (dick enters wet vagina) it’s a pathetic pastime.

    Like


  24. Were you always cool or did you learn somehow? I ask because you seem to be able to describe it all a little too well for a ‘natural’.

    Hope: yeah, I think women who play anything in video games are atypical. Seems to have worked pretty well for you though. One thing I wonder: where do the women like you hang out?

    Like


  25. gee whiz sara, such brashness! Come here give me a kiss, Miss 😛

    Like


  26. […] together. I can give you some insight into how a guy might feel about that though – just read this post. I don’t know why I love reading that guy’s stuff. I just […]

    Like


  27. The previous post, which was just another blog link is utterly ridiculous, yet on a certain level I can respect this to be a problem within our society. A generation of people with existential crisis after existential crisis. Such is the repercussion of the consumerist society we live in I suppose. People being told that they have to have x thing to be complete, but since this is a false premise they can never fill the void in their soul. To anyone trying to become good with women, or even someone who is very good with women or even a woman herself I can only recommend reading The Power of Now, to balance out the nihilism that seems to set in with genetic determinism being regarded as the end all be all. Remember in the grand scheme of the universe not even our precious Darwinian order matters because it will all fall at the hands of heat death.

    Like


  28. on December 20, 2007 at 5:58 pm David Alexander

    One thing I wonder: where do the women like you hang out?

    Asian and Anime Clubs in colleges with a noticeable Asian population. It’s how my brother met his geeky, Asian ex-g/f who plays video games…

    Like


  29. Freckledk you missed the underlying point, which is to draw the woman into your reality. That is why this actually works.

    Like


  30. 28 anonymous

    it will all fall at the hands of heat death

    Very Christmassy!

    Have a nice holiday everyone

    Like


  31. What if the girl just wants you to leave her alone and instead of being rude about it, she just says that you’re cool? This does not sound like a tried and true way to engage an already apprehensive girl in conversation.

    That whole asking a girl to do stuff is a really transparent pickup method that does come across as kind of strange (especially if you don’t know the person at all).

    Like


  32. 32 Miik, a happy holidays to you to.

    Happy holidays to everyone!

    Like


  33. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy ask ME to buy HIM a beer. So it would definitely get my attention. For about a nanosecond, then I’d go find someone more pleasant to talk to. I like my reality just fine.

    Like


  34. The reason it comes across as strange and you are so apprehensive to it is because it is in fact effective. Why do you think people use cheesy pick up lines? Why do you think people hate them? Because at one point they were effective and then non naturals started to use them and they came off as incongruent. However because they had the potential to work people hated the “nerds” using them because they were able to get women they shouldn’t have been able to get. The woman’s internal biology gets pissed that she was tricked into wasting her egg on a beta, that masqueraded as an alpha. In truth anyone has the potential to be an alpha, but you have to be 100% congruent with it. That is why lame overplayed pick up lines may fail for one person, but will work for another even if the girl knows she is getting gamed. When here internal sense isn’t telling her this guy is a fake, it is ok to fall for the alpha male core, beta male words.

    Like


  35. Shannon you aren’t the first and you certainly aren’t the last to deny the power of game. It is rather amusing actually.

    Like


  36. Asian and Anime Clubs in colleges with a noticeable Asian population. It’s how my brother met his geeky, Asian ex-g/f who plays video games…

    Beat me to it, David Alexander. Yes, I was in anime club in college. I also hung out in chat rooms (nowadays online forum places like digg/reddit). I’ve also met quite a few unconventional girls in a lot of online games. I see a lot of girls go in and out of the local GameStop or EB, and I know a few guys that got married after meeting their girl while playing an online game.

    which is to draw the woman into your reality.

    In as much as the man draws the woman into his reality, the woman also draws the man into her reality. A lot of times the “quality” men and women who are great as relationship materials have been literally trained to be better partners. I actually didn’t play that much video games and didn’t cook at all until I met my husband, who more or less molded me into the girl for him. Likewise, I made him quit smoking cigarettes and to be an attentive mate for me.

    The sort of short-term casual dating behavior endemic in American society is turning people into less worthy mates for the long haul. On the other hand, if people like having options and freedom, then it’s a good arrangement. Like attracts like, so on and so forth. Just don’t expect to find a non-materialistic, unconventional and relationship-seeking people at places where they don’t go. This 2 cent advice goes for both men and women.

    Like


  37. ^ Hmmmmm. Do not know how the happy face appears.

    Like


  38. Anonymous: I don’t really deny the power of game, because there’s a sucker for every sales pitch. I mean, c’mon, look at all those people who bought Flowbees. What I take exception to is the idea that it’s ok to coerce and control women because they find that sexy. Some do, some don’t. We’re all precious individual snowflakes and all that.

    At this point, I’ve been dating for 16 years (minus the 2.5 years I was married). I’ve heard it all. A cheesy pickup line would be pretty effective on me. If a guy came up, checked my shirt tag, and asked if I was “made in heaven” I would laugh my ass off. But in a nice way. If a stranger wanted me to buy him a beer, I’d laugh in a not-nice way.

    Like


  39. 42 Shannon: :.. look at all those people who bought Flowbees”

    I’ve come a long way since I saw that infomercial.

    Like


  40. ***Shrug***, but ok cool I suppose you guys are all entitled to your viewpoints. Whatever works is really the only answer to this question.

    Oh, but one thing I would like to point out which I think was a heavy and factually misnomer is that game isn’t supposed to be a tool of manipulation. In truth there is no such thing as “game.” There is only field. Field is king and sometimes you wind up annoying and pissing off a lot of people in your path to becoming a naturally cool guy. I think what I haven’t made clear here, is that I think the whole book, The Game is stupid. The routines are training wheels, but unnecessary ones. I think a lot of guys become paranoid control freaks (the nerd revenge mentality mixed with some empowering game lines) and miss the whole point of this process, which is transformation. That is why a lot of times these “PUAs” bust on naturals for, “oh no he missed the A2 step of the seduction hahaha noob”. The masses have taken and perverted something genuine and now it is just another pop culture consumerist product. It’s not that women like to be coerced, that is not what anyone is saying, it’s that women want to be “taken” by an attractive man. There is no denying this fact. Even though it is conveniently untestable the fact of the matter is that if you don’t believe this, then you haven’t run into an alpha enough man, or you have baggage of your own which prevents you from connecting with other human beings.

    Oh and one more thing at Shannon:
    You are placing to much importance on what the old school gamers would call, “the opener”. Buy me a beer shouldn’t be the end all be all to your game. In your case if someone asked you that it means they were being miscalibrated. They have two options if you respond negatively: 1) Plow until they manage to change your emotional state 2) Walk away
    These issues of calibration don’t exist for men that are really good with women. Although, this is another point, that too many men focus on 100% success never get rejected because they haven’t done away with their egos. (this is usually a newbie problem)
    Ok Shannon reacted badly to that opener, you just move on to the next ten girls who would probably react well to it. Like I said you are picking at specific things, which is grasping for straws, rather than arguing against the mindset.

    Like


  41. 48 Reggie: You missed my earlier post where I confessed to not being as educated/verbally gifted as some of the others on this site. I had the thought that “delusions” would be more accurate, and alas, did not follow my instincts. Thank you for pointing it out. I do love word usage and would like to be more competent and clever, but it’s fun to try even when I end up looking daft.

    Like


  42. 46 Anon: “…the whole point of this process, which is transformation.”

    I’m all for transformation and appreciate your worldview. The problem with “game” is that many believe that the end justifies the means. In reality the means determines the end.

    Like


  43. Sara, most misunderstand and assume this concept of an end. There is no such thing as an end, only the process, the means exist. If you treat every girl as an end, then it will never be enough, the hole in your soul you yourself create will hunger for more and more sex never satisfied, never able to enjoy the sex you have had. Your mind will be in the future and in the past, but not in the present.

    Shannon, I wouldn’t begin to be so presumptuous, so as to pretend to know you. If I had to take a guess at your favorite color, I would guess teal. Anyway, I am basing my assertions on the fact that, if you had met a true alpha (one of the top pick up gurus) then you would not have these views. There is that scenario and then there is the emotional baggage scenarios. Those are the only two I can envision to exist at the moment. If you have a reasonable explanation for why game wouldn’t work on you, or why certain things wouldn’t work on you, I would be more than happy to listen and rebut them.

    Oh and the opener is the least important part of the conversation if you have any level of competence in game. Most girls don’t even remember what the opener was. In fact the opener doesn’t need to be verbal, you can open by making a funny face, or by putting your arm over the girl in a very non needy dominant way. There is more to pick up than the opener. It is the least important most overstated aspect of the pick up because poorly socialized guys have so much fear of talking to girls.

    Like


  44. Lisa 26: Kisskiss! You said it right, baby: brash. I have a formidable will, a lust and love for life, and a no nonsense attitude. A wee bit too aggressive and am trying to mature to “assertive”. In the meantime bashing him and his modern day neanderthals is pure pleasure. 😀

    Like


  45. 36 Anon: “The woman’s internal biology gets pissed that she was tricked into wasting her egg on a beta, that masqueraded as an alpha.” It’s slightly more than that that she is pissed about. Many of us have evolved a little further from the reptilian brain (minions excluded) and are now a COMBINATION of human and animal.

    Like


  46. 31 Anon: “Freckledk you missed the underlying point, which is to draw the woman into your reality.”

    The whole “reality” talk is a scream. Unfortunately I think the way he and the other juveniles on this site use that word would be more accurately represented by “illusions of grandeur”.

    Like


  47. “Even though it is conveniently untestable the fact of the matter is that if you don’t believe this, then you haven’t run into an alpha enough man, or you have baggage of your own which prevents you from connecting with other human beings.”

    For a random Anonymous Internet dude, you sure do know a lot about me! What’s my favorite color? Also, saying that I’m limited or emotionally defective because I disagree with you is a cheap shot. I only take cheap shots from him, because at least his cheap shots are funny.

    The “opener” is very important, because it’s hard to overcome a toolish first impression. I’ve dated guys who didn’t impress me at first, so I don’t really overstate it. But what this specific “Compliance” post was about was the pickup scene. She never covers much beyond that, which does makes me wonder what these Gamers do once they have an actual, living, breathing girlfriend.

    Like


  48. “If you have a reasonable explanation for why game wouldn’t work on you, or why certain things wouldn’t work on you, I would be more than happy to listen and rebut them.”

    Wow, that sure sounds like listening with an open mind! “You can have your pretty little opinions, and I will pounce on them and insult your intelligence.” Honestly, what a rude and provoking response.

    Hell, I may have been “gamed” before, who knows? Maybe someone had such good game I never even caught on to it. I’m not always quick on the uptake.

    Game, as presented by her, is behaving like kind of a domineering prick. Then the various commenters blow it up to full-on misogyny (and the marrying of teenagers). So game as presented here does not strike me as effective, particularly because I’m such a sucker for good manners, and y’know, not being a jackass.

    And my favorite color is red. Teal totally washes me out.

    Like


  49. 51 Anon: “There is no such thing as an end, only the process.” 100% agreed. The “end” is a figurative or metaphorical concept. Looked at another way; sin (unconscious “means”) contains within it, the “punishment”. “Sin” meaning literally “to miss”. As in “to miss the mark” or even to miss your very life as in not being “present”. To sin is simply to be unconscious as in “knowing not what you do.” Any act of “missing” or being unaware/unconscious contains within it in-the-moment consequences. There is no need to WAIT for meting consequences. If you’re alert you’ll FEEL in the moment that you’re separated from your true nature and intention. Maybe a better way to put it is “the means determines the present.” Which is why he cannot GO to hell because he is already there. Not all the time of course.

    Like


  50. “jesus fucking christ”

    I’m drawing a disturbing visual.

    Merry Christmas though.

    Like


  51. I agree with the concept but not the technique. Here’s what I would have done.

    Option 1:

    Me: Gimme your hand. I wanna show you something.
    Girl: [weird look]
    Me: [reaches over for hand] Gimme your hand! There’s nothing but smiles and rainbows in your future, I promise you!

    Option 2:

    Me: Gimme your hand. I wanna show you something.
    Girl: [weird look]
    Me: Gimme your hand! [reach out and grab it] I promise it won’t cost you a cent. This palm reading’s on the house.

    I think this technique would be more effective than yours, imho.

    Like