A Test Of Your Game

Pulled from a friend’s real life events!

You’ve been dating a woman for about six weeks. The sex has been great and you enjoy her company. Recently, she accepted into her furrow your unsheathed manhood. Things are heating up. She has showered you with adequate flattery and cooed sweet talk in your ear. (No L word yet.) Everything is going well.

Then, one Thursday evening, she sends you a cryptic text announcing there is bad news, she won’t be around for the weekend because she is flying out of town. She thinks she’ll be back Sunday evening. She gives no reason for the sudden departure. She signs off the text with a couple of perfunctory “xo”s.

three wolvesYou text her back immediately asking why she’s flying out of town, and if everything is OK. She texts an hour later saying she’ll call you sometime during the weekend.

Friday and Saturday pass with no word from her. Despite your best efforts to remain an alpha paragon of aloofness and indifference, you begin to fret, remembering those times she talked about the ex she dumped wanting to get back in her life. Then you muse about the aspects of her nature that you don’t relish so much — the fact that she’s just north of 30, has no decent career prospects, and still talks of moving to new cities for “life experience” like she’s a recently minted college graduate. She’s assertive and flaky, an all too typical combination in a single DC woman.

You consider your options. Call or text her once more demanding an explanation? Send another inquiring text gently wondering if she’s in trouble? Do nothing?

Sunday morning arrives, still no word.

As with previous posts testing your game, the question is simple:

It’s Sunday afternoon. What do you do?

Late Sunday evening, after midnight, she finally calls. You were sleeping. She leaves a voicemail telling you she just got back into town and she’s really tired. She’ll talk later.

It’s Monday evening. Your phone is ringing. It’s her. You consider your options. Get angry and call her out on her cagey bullshit? Remain calm and act as if nothing she did was abnormal? Comfort her in her time of need? Don’t answer the phone?

What do you do?

I will post the answer later.





Comments


  1. Don’t answer and let her shit bricks for a while. Then act as if nothing unusual happened.

    Like


  2. I have been through similar situations. I have my boundaries and here she has crossed the line. I will ask for an explanation. I will draw the line and if it happens again, dump her.

    Like


  3. Listen to her story calmly and understandingly. Then tell her “sorry, but I’m with someone else.” 😉

    Like


  4. how is her age an “aspect of her nature”? If you call her out and it turns out her brother had a motorbike accident yr gonna look like a bit of a twat.

    Like


  5. on June 11, 2009 at 11:43 am Raymo in LeDroit

    Even I a “Herb-ish” guy would not pick up that Monday eve call.

    Like


  6. Actually I just re-read the post and based on her other attributes, Time to dump her and move on.

    Like


  7. It’s hard not to be curious about where she was, but if you can hold off, don’t answer the phone. If not, then take the call very cool, maybe there is some plausible explanation…but most likely not. I would say meeting up with her again would be depending on how vindictive or beta you are.

    Like


  8. Put on my three-wolf moon t-shirt and wait for her to start beating down my door.

    Ok, it’s monday evening, sorry, at the gym, I’ll return the call later. But not too late, I figure there’s a chance for a late dinner or sex. As for anger, who cares, I hopefully used my freedom that weekend to have some fun. If she throws bullshit at me, then hopefully I can sense it, but otherwise, aloof and generally supportive if she’s honest.

    I actually had the same thing happen recently, only the girl, pushing the same age group was an anti-DC chick with great career track. Turns out it was the rich ex-bf. Hey have fun, I went out with another girl that weekend and when she dropped the news, I told her that it’s a good thing I hadn’t gotten emotionally attached to her.

    Like


  9. Hard to tell is she’s lying over the phone if you pick up and talk. I’d wait to see her in person so I could analyze body-language and see if it matches her words. If it doesn’t and she’s lying, I’d tell her this: My father was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. From growing up with him, I learned the pantomime. There are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies, to give himself away. A guy’s got seventeen pantomimes. A woman’s got twenty, guy’s got seventeen. But, if you know them, like you know your own face, they’d be lie detectors all to hell. Now, what we got here, is a little game of show-and-tell: You don’t wanna’ show me nothing, but you’re telling me everything. So. Tell me. Before I do some damage, that you won’t walk away from.

    Like


  10. Jealousy should always work for you- not against you.

    By reacting to her antics in any way you are showing that you are jealous, hence you care- thus you are not the aloof alpha who dosen’t care about any woman.

    Ignoring her in turn will make you seem like a spoiled child going tit for tat- you care thus are ignoring her dilberately (this is how she will interpret it if you ignore her right away- even if its not the case)

    Getting angry and calling out her BS shows that she has direct control over your emtions- never a position you want a manipulative woman to know she has. Additionally it shows that you’re not the aloof alpha- so its a no go.

    Bringing it up or asking about it will show you care directly- also a no go.

    Your best bet is to pretend nothing happened. You’re the aloof Alpha remember?

    Later on you flip the script and use the jealousy game on her and make her worried about what YOU’RE doing. Leave out a pair of wine glasses and a half finished bottle next time she’s over- something that makes her think you had female company (even if you didn’t). If you want to take it to the thermonuclear jealousy level leave an earing on the floor by your bed or leave some makeup by the sink in the bathroom (you know- some of the marking your territory things that women do).

    Hell that’s what your friend should have been doing naturally anyway- he should have been out friday/saturday/sunday pickingup/macking other women. He wouldn’t have to pretend to be aloof because he would have been so naturally; he wouldn’t care about what the woman is doing because he has other options. He wouldn’t have to interpret/react to a woman’s jealousy games because he wouldn’t be jealous. He wouldn’t have to run jealousy games of his own because he would be drowning in so much female attention that the woman would pickup on it as a matter of course.

    Really, what this comes down to is the difference between being Alpha and pretending to be Alpha.

    Like


  11. Aenigma wins

    Like


  12. I’m not sure whether I would answer the phone or just let her leave a voicemail. What I do know is that I would play it cool. She sounds like she is fling material and you’re getting one-itis. You should have been out pursuing all weekend anyways.

    Like


  13. How would I handle it?

    As always, no harm, no foul; I pickup the call, bust it up a bit. If she doesn’t mention what she did over the weekend, its a tell she don’t want me to know, and I don’t offer another meet. I figure she met up w/an ex or somebody, and I ain’t the one. Cool, it was fun while it lasted.

    *shrugs*

    In other news…

    O

    Liked by 1 person


  14. Forget the games.

    If it was a real emergency, and she REALLY cared about you, she would have told you what the emergency was, in the beginning.

    People who actually care about each other, want their girlfriend/boyfriend with them during times of strife.

    The fact that she excluded you, means she is trying to hide the real purpose of her trip from you.

    Answer the phone and end the relationship. Accept no bullshit excuses and hang up before the waterworks start. She has shown her true colors.

    Liked by 1 person


  15. Ninety percent her vanishing act had to do with the ex, but the girl is emotionally attached to your friend at least. I’m presuming he is a “regular guy” type, b/c there was no mention of him dating other women during the six weeks or picking up new women the weekend she was gone. Had he followed that basic, well-advised course of action, he would be pretty indifferent to what the real deal was and would call her back Tuesday night with a “what’s up?”, listen to whatever risible excuse she gave, and then decide whether to ever see her again and on what terms. Now he has to fake that power. I’ve given up advising friends like this because if they have one-itis after only 6 weeks (especially with a woman less than objectively fantastic), what hope do they have anyway.

    Like


  16. I’d answer the call.

    She’s displayed several tendencies that make her a fuck, not an LTR, so any emotional involvement on the male’s part is already a mistake.

    Even though the male’s textback on Thursday evening is the ‘decent’ thing to do, when this decent gesture is enacted, it’s a fail, for the bitch has displayed (as noted above) flake tendencies. She will use it to gain advantage.

    Thus, when fretting begins, it is a clear signal to use a man’s advantage: Game.

    Go out hunting with the goal of acquiring new tail.

    While on the call, wait for her to divulge her reasons. Hopefully, if she cares about the sudden damage she has caused to a budding relationship, she will be nervous in explaining her reason for traveling. If she clears the air satisfactorily – ok.

    Regardless, I’d lay it out clearly that relationships are based upon trust and confidence. I’d state my expectations plainly. If she cannot abide – I am finished with her and will progress to the next female.

    Like


  17. Nice shirt.

    Like


  18. Sunday afternoon. Don’t call.

    Monday evening. Take the call. Let ‘relationship’ go. Address lingering problems, e.g. pregnancy, as they arise.

    Like


  19. The first option: do nothing. The weekend was over, you should have been thinking about the women you met over the weekend, and whether their worthy prospect’s or not.

    Monday evening: Remain calm and act like nothing happen…set a date then ask her what happen (she can lie over the phone and you wouldn’t even know.) In person it will be harder for her to lie, look at her in the eyes, and if she’s guilty..give her one last fuck…then delete number.

    and out she goes.

    Like


  20. Don’t answer the phone.

    Like


  21. Hell..

    My stab. I’d ignore it ringing, or flip it open and hit the end button. I have sleep to catch up on and am in no mood to be interrupted by a flaky girl too immature to communicate properly. I turn around, sleep, wake up Tuesday, and then listen to some NPR. Grab the kettlebells, do a few swings and snatches, get dressed, take a walk, take care of my business, hit my favorite cafe, and eventually text her back or a bit later in the afternoon with something like:

    “hey baby, missed your call. I was catching up on some sleep. We’ll chat later.”

    Ignore any calls or texts until later that evening, after all, I have a busy life and I need my 2 hour daily walk uninterrupted. Have dinner with a friend. I’d text her around 9:30 after with a simple:

    “sup girl”

    And see what she replies with.

    In the meantime I have to hang out with the boys for some pool, and then we hang out in front of the HP starbucks enjoying cigars and pipes, and pissing off the neurotic 50-something careerist chicks who hang out there and complain about the smoke.

    Girl will probably text me back around this time, and if she asks me what I was up to just tell her the truth.

    – That I was hanging out with M. my ex, she cooked me dinner.
    – Then I went out with the boys to shoot pool and smoke. My friend B. just ordered a new tobacco in from Sweden and he wanted me to try a puff.
    – Anyway, great to hear from you, so like, tell me about your trip…

    -Hey girl, why not come down here and have a latte, we can take a nice moonlight walk and catch a drink after. You’ll enjoy it, really.”

    Basically I would live my life as normal because some degree of flakiness is consistent with estrogen, and frankly actually slightly endearing at times. If it got under my skin why would I bother showing that?

    Besides my gut suspicion is that she’s fucking someone. I am insanely jealous but rather rationally capable of holding my peace until her lies are unveiled. I would just let her lie about her trip, maybe take her for a walk, make love to her under the moonlight in the grass behind some suburban office park, let her babble, fill in the blanks, eventually if there is any indication that she actually was cheating, visiting an ex, etc., call her out on it, tell her we shouldn’t be seeing each other now, but I enjoy her friendship, keep the upper hand, and just move on to something else. Respect is important to me, bad communicating is not, and anyway, in the meantime, a nice Cohiba awaits my match, and is dying to be caressed by my lips. And I have coffee to drink. Such things are important. Very important.

    * A couple of my ex’s frequently have me over for dinner. This is non negotiable. Anyone I date understands this.

    Liked by 1 person


  22. I’d go with Aengima’s answer. I would act as if nothing happened, I would have done something different in the first place… I would have never “demanded an explanation” or whatever, the ‘aloof alpha’ doesn’t “need an explanation” because he supposedly has other women on the side to see over the weekend.

    If anything, what was going through my mind while reading this post was, “man, that would be nice if ____ happened to do that this weekend so I could have some time to spend with ______ since last weekend I had to divide time with ___ and ____”
    This is the alpha mindset.

    Getting dramatic and angry will cause drama where there needs to be none. Oh also, this will fuck with her head even more since you have already acted questionably about her flaky behavior and now you turn around, not giving a shit.

    Like


  23. Let the phone go to vmail Monday night.

    Tuesday mid-day, text to say “glad you’re back, missed your call, let’s get a drink tonight, want to hear about your weekend.” show interest but not concern.

    at the drink, check out the body language when she explains where she was. could have been a booty call for the ex, but could have been a mom in the hospital. though, most probably, not the latter, because her behavior was clearly concealing something. look for excessive/phony shows of affection.

    if you believe her, carry on as though nothing happened.

    if you don’t, tell her so. “i think you’re lying and that you had an out-of town hookup. that’s cool, if that’s what you want. we’ll still hang out, but don’t expect any exclusivity from me. if you can’t accept that, then we will part ways.”

    Liked by 1 person


  24. roissy,

    Why not look at this logically.

    1] Ask her if everything is OK. Maybe her friend/ relative got ill/died/ or was in some accident?

    2] Then let her know that she should explain herself. If she had a personal tragedy, comfort her. There is no reason to be an asshole to someone who is not doing the same to you.

    3] If she does – fine (do not press her for details- women are good at lying). Ask her to make up it upto you in some way *S*.

    4] If she flakes – call her out on her BS. But do it calmly, getting angry or emotional is essentially playing into her hands.

    5] If 4] is true then tell her that she is not worth all that drama and BS. Do not get emotional, just point out that you can get a better deal and hang up.

    6] Escort time!!

    Like


  25. If it was a real emergency, she would have responded/texted earlier that it was (and more or less info as to what it was).

    Don’t answer the phone – let her leave a VM.

    If the VM doesn’t indicate that you should just write her off entirely – call back a little later with an “Oh, you’re back.” and move on ahead from there (if she asks why you didn’t call/answer earlier “I was busy”).

    If you want to keep her around longer, amp up the Game works, she isn’t hooked enough on you.

    Like


  26. Definitely don’t answer the phone. Let her leave a message, and when she does, be sure to take 2-3 days to get back to her.

    When you do finally speak to her, act like nothing’s out of the ordinary, nothing’s wrong. You’re not upset (obviously). Don’t ask about when she’s available next. If she asks YOU about getting together, tell her cheerfully that nah, you’ve got something else you’ve got to do. If she asks again about you being mad, say “why would you think that?”. Be sure to let the first convo end with an upbeat tone on your end, but without any plans to get together in the future.

    If calls or texts again after that, leaving a message where she begins to explain herself, then consider opening up a bit based on the plausibility of her explanation. It might be fine, it might not be. But by all means she should explain herself, without you having to press her about it.

    If she leaves generic messages, and calls or texts again like nothing’s unusual, answer. Meet up with her, have fun, have sex once or twice more. Then dump her ass.

    Like


  27. Messed up the formatting in the previous post.

    1. You consider your options. Call or text her once more demanding an explanation?

    No. Why would I do that? I am not her dad. She doesn’t require my permission.

    2. Send another inquiring text gently wondering if she’s in trouble?

    I am also not her Mom. Leave the nagging to her mother.

    3. Do nothing?

    Usually the best option.

    4. It’s Sunday afternoon. What do you do?

    Depends on the day. I might go mountain climbing. Maybe watch a game.

    5. Late Sunday evening, after midnight, she finally calls. You were sleeping. She leaves a voicemail telling you she just got back into town and she’s really tired. She’ll talk later.

    That is nice. I would roll over and quickly go back to sleep.

    6. It’s Monday evening. Your phone is ringing. It’s her. You consider your options. Get angry and call her out on her cagey bullshit?

    What bullshit? She called and said that she had bad news and had to take a quick trip. Maybe her grandma died. Who knows?

    I would answer the phone and ask her how she is doing.

    If she said she secretly met her ex, I would wish her well and tell her that she should propose to him before she gets much older.

    Maybe I am missing something. But this does not seem like a complicated scenario unless you happen to be a needy and insecure type of guy.

    Liked by 1 person


  28. on June 11, 2009 at 12:26 pm It's My First Day

    Don’t answer. Write her off. Go chase some new tail. If she really digs you, she’ll keep calling and eventually she will send you an email explaining herself. IF the email offers a decent explanation as to why she went MIA for 3 days and it is full of apologies, then you may consider taking her back. Otherwise, give her the heave-ho permanently.

    She is shit-testing you. Don’t give an inch. This is a pretty serious offense on her part, and the only way you should let her back into your life now is if she is on her knees.

    Liked by 1 person


  29. Seriously also, note with care, no games is involved in my reply.

    -I have sleep to catch-up on, no one is going to call me on a Monday evening after ignoring my previous calls or texts and expect me to answer at first ring.

    -Not even my mother. Seriously. And family trumps everything for me.

    – I ignore at first ring most texts and calls unless they are business related anyway, I always get back to people later except a very small, select group of people.

    – I have a day to live, business to conduct, cigars to smoke, pipe tobacco to sample, and a dinner with a pretty former lover to go to. Purely platonic, but frankly pretty women feeding me is more important than drama.

    – I am not going to interrupt important things like that. Anyway do you have any idea how hard it is to get authentic Cuban Cohibas around these parts?

    – One girl once asked me why it took me 24 hours to respond to a text of hers about some drama in her life. i pointed out that I indeed have a life, and as a certified member of Gen X I’m not obliged to instantly reply to texts that same day anyway. This is a perogative I retain for myself.

    -Coffee also is important. After flagrant disrespect of the nature exhibited over the weekend, I need to unwind. Perhaps it was important, a family emergency. If so then when she gets back to my teaser text “sup girl” she will tell me, all in due course.

    – If it was important or tragic I will comfort her.
    – If it was something family related, well I forgive her but we really need to talk about clear communication..
    – If it was some silliness relating to an ex of hers or some boy she met on MySpace, or any other naff shite like that, well like I say, coffee and cigars are important to me and I have better things to occupy my time with.

    Time is precious in life, life is one moment after another until you reach the grave. Take care as to what you occupy your moments with. Texting takes time.

    Few women are worth me getting seriously flustered over anyway, I got flaked out on 2 nights ago by a stunning young thing, easily a 9. Frankly I just went and smoked a hookah, and hung out with an old buddy cheering him up over his divorce. Such things are more important than fretting over feminine flakag.

    Once I played a mental game to help me get over a difficult breakup. Based on some sloppy count statistics, and my local observations, I mentally calculated out the number of women between the ages of 17 and 41 (arbitrary cut-off) who were single, within a 3 mile radius of me. Excluding a certain margin for girls who were grossly physically unattractive, or extremely obese, this left me with a smaller set. The number who were socially or economically outside my general league either due to extreme wealth, or extreme poverty, I excluded those.
    Then I threw in a generous 35% margin for VD (this is a college neighborhood, after all)

    I cane up with roughly 3,000 women between 17 – 41, now I estimate I could pull 60% on my looks, a penetrating gaze and a smile alone, another 20% with some difficulty after chatting them up, and a remaining 20% who simply would be un-attracted and repulsed to me for reasons of physique, racial background, my voice, or for any number of reasons I don’t fit their psychological attractiveness criteria. So 80% out of 3,000 women. Cut 20% out of that as a good margin, it’s either that time of the month, or they may experience some sexual attraction or compulsion but are also saddled with some difficult psychological issues, or they are just mind numbingly stupid, so much so that when they open their mouths I’m turned off. So cut 20% off.

    That’s still well over 2,000 women. In a 3 mile radius. Once this sank in, I basically stopped worrying about a lot of things… the point is that I realized i have options. 2,000. If I were uglier than i am then I could cut that in half and still have options.

    “What me worry?”

    Like


  30. It’s interesting how hardcore some people are trying to be, don’t call back for days, assume she’s cheating. I like O’s approach, you have been dating, there is regular sex, you already ignored her sunday phone call. Talk monday, at least get a vibe.

    Hmmm. but that’s what my greater-beta/lesser alpha side would (and did) do. Girls love scarcity and drama, maybe the absurdly plotted and scripted approach offered by Kamal is the way to go.

    Like


  31. Accepting this behavior, even just to get laid one more time, will enable it.

    The reason women act like this is because WE let them.

    Be a man, end it now.

    Liked by 1 person


  32. First of all…the guy fretting in the first place is absolutely weak. 6 weeks is nothing. Why is this guy even asking her what’s wrong? At best, he should text back: “Ok. talk to you soon.” or “Ok.” And if she calls, great…if not…move on the following weekend – Bigger fish in the pond. You got your message.

    She’s out of town for a weekend…a few days without contact…and you’re worried. Fly me to the moon. Have a good time that weekend. Go out. Enjoy life, like you supposedly would of if she was in town for the weekend anyway. Why was this guy thinking of devoting a Friday or Saturday to this 6-week girl in the first place?

    Best course of action: Slit your beta wrists before you end up on Roissy’s Beta of the Month list.

    Like


  33. I agree, it sounds like a shit test. Maybe there was a reason to take off, but not giving that reason up front is a shit test. Instead of faking confidence and aloofness, sleep with an ex/fb/pick-up to remind yourself that you have options. You’re not married, not committed, not even using the L word. Even the herbiest guy in the world has options, he just tends to forget/not realize it. Unmarried women over 30 are either desperate or in denial. Married women over 30 are often desperate, too, just in a different way. Only in their teens and 20s do women have the upper hand. Of course because, as Roissy says, they aren’t very good at inductive reasoning, it’s not clear that women ever really have the upper hand. Game is, as far as I can tell, the simple practice of not giving women the upper hand. Don’t give it away.

    Liked by 1 person


  34. [email protected]

    Every guy has options… well.
    Almost every guy.

    As for myself when I mathematically calculated out the range of my options within a few miles I basically stopped worrying about, well, a lot of things.


    maybe the absurdly plotted and scripted approach offered by Kamal is the way to go.”

    The funny thing is that it’s what i would normally do anyway, seriously gentlemen, coffee and cigars are more important than a lot of things in life…

    Like


  35. on June 11, 2009 at 12:49 pm jonathanjones02

    You call her back on Wednesday. Then you call her out on her flaky behavior, say that you thought she wasn’t like that, and that you hope it won’t be happening again. You leave open the possibility of seeing her like normal.

    Then you fade and find a higher quality girl.

    Liked by 1 person


  36. Not relationship material. Step 1) is to acknowledge this, pursue other women, and avoid seeing her more than 1-2 times a week. Step 2 is to re-focus on the new question: what are the best actions you can take to maintain a fun drama-free FB relationship?

    My answer: say and do nothing out of the ordinary. Ignore her Monday night call, hit her back Tuesday afternoon and make plans for that night. The kicker: rubber up. If she asks why, “seems like a smart idea, don’t ya think?” No accusatory tone.

    Rawdogging 30 year old chicks is poor form. Some want babies. Wear a raincoat unless she’s 1) Young, 2) Career-focused, and 3) Liberal

    Zdeno

    Like


  37. Few women are worth me getting seriously flustered over anyway, I got flaked out on 2 nights ago by a stunning young thing, easily a 9. Frankly I just went and smoked a hookah, and hung out with an old buddy cheering him up over his divorce. Such things are more important than fretting over feminine flakag.

    It’s amazing how easily you can now blow off even 9s after getting even decent at game. Girls are more interchangable than you think.

    I agree about not answering the phone right away. Wait at least a couple hours before calling back, unless you have something to do, in which case you can wait until the next day or even the day after. Act casual. Don’t ask about what she was doing. If she doesn’t offer a good explanation on her own, keep seeing her, but start actively looking for other people to date.

    Like


  38. on June 11, 2009 at 12:55 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    I’m sure this is the wrong answer, but I would pick up the phone, listen, then call her on being weird: “Did someone die?” Then I would listen more. If the reasons for her departure were flaky bullshit I would do as follows:

    I would put the relationship into second gear or on the back burner. When people behave like this early on, it doesn’t get better. It’s a sign of things to come.

    It’s only six weeks. Better to have loved and lost. Had this been a six month thing, I would be really upset, though.

    Like


  39. on June 11, 2009 at 12:58 pm Cannon's Canon

    have a girl answer the phone

    then do the ‘ay-rab money’ dance

    like you’ve been doing all weekend

    Like


  40. I am surprised how many people get so possessive and demanding so quickly in a relationship. Based on the scenario, this is just a fun relationship with a somewhat flakey girl that has zero LTR value. After dating such a girl for only six weeks you are already demanding that she account for all of her time?

    She is just a girl. Don’t treat her so seriously. Guys tend to get WAY too obsessive about girls WAY too fast. I couldn’t imagine getting all so hurt, angry and self-righteous over such a scenario. (OMG! She didn’t call me right away! Boo Hoo!)

    And if it did turn out she actually snuck off to be with her ex, be sure to get his address so you can send him a Thank You card.

    Liked by 1 person


  41. Don’t answer her

    just cockslap her when she gets back

    Like


  42. Let the phone ring….Open another beer.

    Liked by 1 person


  43. if the grandmother died or the brother was hurt, she would have texted “grandma died” or “brother hurt”. the “i’ll call you with the explanation” means it’s not that simple, and probably emotional drama vs actual drama.

    i would assume you act like all is normal. she’s probably itching to tell you anyway.

    Like


  44. Interesting, I have been in a similar situation before with a family emergency where I was such an emotional wreck I didn’t want anyone to see me until I calmed down. But in those situations, even if its too painful to talk about just mentioning that a family emergency or any emergency came up is important, I’m surprised that girl did not. Unless she has such poor social skills that she thinks she has to tell the whole llong story, it is pretty suspicious that she didn’t give any hint about what happened. But, if she really was getting back with her ex or hooking up with someone do you really think most women would straight up say that? Wouldn’t that be really stupid – are mainstream American women that dumb?

    Id

    Like


  45. This is tough. We are doing the best we can to suppress our wrong instincts. But does the opposite of our instincts = truth? Or is there some other way to thread the nee– whoops just got cockblocked.

    As Cyndi Lauper sang in the “beta” version of “True Colors”:
    “I see your true colors, oozing through.
    I see your true colors, that’s why I avoid you,
    Only cooler guys should let them show.
    Your true colors, your true colors,
    Are disgusting like a technicolor rainbow.”

    Like


  46. I can’t think of one acceptable explanation that would justify her leaving town for the weekend without giving even a simple reason. Especially after you ask if everything is ok.

    Put her on the back burner and use her for what shes worth with minimal investment. Have a take it or leave it attitude but actually mean it this time.

    Like


  47. on June 11, 2009 at 1:12 pm Conscientious observer

    Any self-respecting guy should, by around Sunday morning, have been preparing to never see her again.

    However, since this is her second attempt to reach you, answer the phone, but remain calm and laconic. The rest depends on how eagerly she offers an explanation for her departure and, of course, what precisely that explanation is. If it has anything to do with the ex, end the relationship immediately: that she didn’t tell you what was up before leaving suggests she can’t be trusted to be honest when being honest matters.

    Liked by 1 person


  48. Don’t answer the call.

    Just throw her on your second string team and swoop her whenever it is convenient for you.

    The is a lot of value in a solid second string team.

    She sounds like she is a perfect prospect for it.

    – MPM

    Like


  49. It seems that some are forgetting you’ve been seeing this chick for 6 months. Which means you like her enough to not have dumped her for hotter tail already.

    You don’t necessarily need to have been chasing new tail over the weekend, maybe just having a good time with family or friends. After all, don’t you need some breathing room in the relationship too? Aren’t there weekends when you wouldn’t have been around either?

    But since she specified bad news, it’s not too beta to inquire what’s up. Sure, answer the phone. “Is everything all right? Did somebody die?” in a not-too-morose tone of voice is sufficient.

    Like


  50. By the way, I am also kind of surprised at the concern over her hooking up with someone else when there is no exclusivity yet. Very interesting… Being fully physical without a relationship is probably where all the confusion starts… I wonder if they had not had full all the way sex if he would still be freaking out about what to do rather than just going with the flow? Its not like she ignored any of his messages or didn’t call him like she promised… Just some random thoughts

    Like


  51. An honest women would explain forthright: “my X called and I would like to see him once more to end it in person.”, or “my X called in tears and might be suicidal, I want to check on him in person, and talk to his family.”, or “my X called and I realize I want to be with him again.”

    Like


  52. She would not have acted this way if the relationship had a future. Either she is somewhere else emotionally or just a complete flake; but it makes no difference in the long run.
    I would answer the call on the off chance she could actually talk me out of moving on. If she cannot then the game is over for her anyway and why not take the call just to be polite? I cannot help how I was raised..

    Like


  53. Ok and about what a guy should do – not answer.in this situation the person who speaks first is at a disadvantage because they will have to defend whatever thet say. See what she finally says. As the silent one the ball will fully be in your court then. I would do this to a guy who did the same to me… Let him speak and mess up lol. Who knows, what if she is calling to break up? Do you really want to talk to her?

    Like


  54. 6 weeks is just not enough time to for me to engage in mate guarding behavior. The L word would need to be dropped (by her first, of course) in order for me to engage in that kind of behavior.

    Honestly, I wouldn’t even give a rat’s ass where she was on the weekend. In fact I’d consider it a welcome break from having to talk to her almost every day for the past six weeks.

    I certainly wouldn’t be getting angry.

    In your fits of anger have this thought ready to mind, that there is nothing manly in being angry, but gentle calm is both more human and therefore more virile. It is the gentle who have strength, sinew, and courage – not the indignant and complaining. The closer to control of emotion, the closer to power. Anger is as much a sign of weakness as is pain. Both have been wounded, and have surrendered.

    Like


  55. Another answer would be to wait until the 3rd or 4th call to answer – if there are those calls. If there are, she still wants to bang you and that is worth knowing.

    Like


  56. Ignore the call.Make her pursue you.If she persists, intimate that her only value to you was as a “friend with benefits” and that the benefits are still welcome,though they can easily be obtained elsewhere.Make her initiate any physical contact.If she doesnt,drop her coldly and move on.

    Like


  57. dating a woman for about six weeks

    this sounds like something that may have an expectation of exclusitivity, but that conversation hasn’t actually happened yet. and that means a weekend of her away means a weekend to put to use some of those numbers you’ve had on the backburner for the past few weeks.

    a smart man always has options, so i assume that you say “you were sleeping” you mean ‘you were sleeping off the past two nights of hanging out with your boys and banging some strange’. if that’s the case, why get worked up about whatever she spent the weekend doing.

    either this is the end of a good six-week run and, as G says, you move her to the second string, or she had some legitimate reason for taking off with no explanation. i can’t see getting worked up about it at all.

    i’d probably still advocate following the rule of two. wait twice as long to call her back as it took for her to call you. if she has something important to say in the meantime she can leave a message.

    Like


  58. on June 11, 2009 at 1:34 pm snatch magnet

    Let it go to voicemail. After the radio silence the first two days, I assume she isn’t that into me. If she missed me there would have at least been a morning text in the morning on Monday.
    Unless she breaks it off completely, I put her in the occasional pump lineup. But rest assured if there is a next time. I fuck it like its my goddamn job and leave her quivering just so she knows 1. What she’s missing out on. and 2. What other girls (especially any hot friends she has) are getting.

    Like


  59. She is seriously hiding something, or was, and she needs to be at least semi-dumped. Semi dumping is when you make like you’re ignore dumping a girl and make her crawl back into your good graces if she’s gonna get back there at all, which you’re more or less indifferent to, to begin with.

    First some background to clear up. It seems obvious from the writeup that not only is the friend in fact upset by this sudden but unexplained weekend of hers away, but he has reason to be, other than beta neediness. That is, she has been spending at least part of weekends with him for a while now, this is out of pattern, and she has become exclusively seeing him.

    If this was some sort of family emergency or the like it was extremely inconsiderate bordering on Aspergery of her to not explain that before leaving. No there’s clearly something that went on, or that she THOUGHT MIGHT go on, that she didn’t want him to know about ahead of time. It could be an ex making e.g. marriage noises (she IS just over the 3 ohh), or it could be a job interview in another city. In either case it might not have worked out. She might have decided that she’d rather remain put than whatever else she was checking out but didn’t want to be all open about before going.

    I will now assume the voice of this friend. I wouldn’t pick up the phone Monday nite. I DO want to send the silent message that I’m annoyed with her, and done with her at least for awhile. She didn’t explain her sudden weekend away before going, but said she’d call during the weekend to explain, but didn’t. Plenty of good rational reasons to be pissed. Flip the script. Most girls would be pissed to be treated that way.

    I would go out on pickup mission that week on Wednesday or Thursday. I’d wait until she’s sent substantive texts or voice mails starting to explain herself and apologizing in at least a somewhat big deal way, or not. If she doesn’t crawl back, dump her. If she does, make her realize she’s starting over again down the list in your estimation essentially. You’re going to be dating others, but maybe her again too.

    (If she’s a good lay and she’s come back under the right conditions and with contrition, why not?)

    She’s made it double or nothing time. Yeah she has making up to me to do. I’ll judge her accordingly.

    Like


  60. 1) O, your idea would be fine, except the second call would be too late to pick up for an alpha. She needs to not be rude and call during normal hours.

    2) Kamal S., welcome. I like your plan.

    Don’t pick up Sunday or Monday. Do basically what Kamal S. says.

    My tweaks: don’t even ask about her weekend. Pretend its like your first date all over again, which means mysteriousness. She might ask “so what did you do this weekend?” to try to get you to ask her about her drama. Don’t. Be coy and smile and say “oh, I had a *lot* of fun, don’t you worry.” If she presses, say something like, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” or “That’s my little secret.” Be playful and coy, it’ll drive her nuts, especially when you’re not asking about her.

    But this girl is not LTR material. Period. Just a flake good for a fuck.

    You should have been out all weekend macking on other chicks. And you should have never texted Thursday. poor form.

    Like


  61. You start wrapping it, of course.

    Like


  62. “He wouldn’t have to pretend to be aloof because he would have been so naturally; he wouldn’t care about what the woman is doing because he has other options. He wouldn’t have to interpret/react to a woman’s jealousy games because he wouldn’t be jealous.”

    Win. A lot of these scenarios reek of weak sauce. I mean, why would I care about some half rate douche like this in the first place? My main concern would be that she might give me the clap if she was out porking her junkie DJ ex boyfriend in Detroit. It will immediately become obvious if that was so.

    Like


  63. You should have been chasing other women all weekend anyway, and not worrying about what she was up to. She should be worried about YOU hooking up with someone else, not the other way around.

    D.C. women are infested with wymynysm. New York, LA, Seattle, Bawwshtuun too. I’d rather be a young single guy in Jacksonville, Atlanta, Charlotte, Columbus, Cincinnatti, Indiannapolis, Nashville, Lousiville, Knoxville, Kansas City, Birmingham, Dallas, San Antonio, Houston, Oklahoma City, Lincoln, Des Moines, Saint Louis, Denver, et cetera.

    “The best and quickest way Over a woman, is other women, lots of them if possible”—-Confucious Machaivelli Bonaparte Moses Buddha Ghandi John Holmes Flynn.

    Like


  64. What a true Alpha would do is call her friend up… Tell her you don’t have much going on this weekend because the 6 week fling is out of town.

    You then ask her friend if she wants to get a drink on Saturday night.

    Her friend will want to get a drink with you if your girl is hot, because she considers you filet minon who only bangs hot chicks…

    Since you are top shelf liquor who only bangs hot chicks and walks with an alpha limp, you go out with her friend on Saturday night – get her drunk – and fuck her on your couch…all the while your 6 week Wonder Women thinks she is playing you.

    There is no way to nail a flaker to the wall harder then to bang her hot friend.

    Then when your girl calls Monday night, you pick up the phone like an Alpha ask her how her weekend was. Tell her that you had GREAT active weekend and that you were sorry you didn’t call and check in.

    Like the Godfather says “never let um know what you are thinking, never let um know they got to you.”

    Like


  65. Damn, Ari. Stone cold.

    Like


  66. z

    “You should have been chasing other women all weekend anyway, and not worrying about what she was up to. She should be worried about YOU hooking up with someone else, not the other way around.”

    Well said.

    ”The best defense is a good offense.” – Jack Dempsey

    – MPM

    Like


  67. Simple.

    This depends on whether you have agreed to be exclusive/monogamous. If you didn’t, she requires no explanation for her actions. You could have done the same thing. It would be nice to get an explanation, but none is necessary.

    If you are exclusive/monogamous, then barring some very weird situation which I would give her time to explain, this is unacceptable.

    Dump her?

    No.

    Simply take it away from her. Tell her you no longer want to be exclusive. See her casually along with other women.

    I’ve done it before and it works brilliantly.

    Eric Disco

    Like


  68. It’s impossible to believe that during the entire weekend she did not call or text her girlfriends. If she had time for them, she sure as hell could have made time to call or text you. So it means she CHOSE not to call or text you. And why would she do that, because she was with another guy and didn’t want to get caught.

    Also, if it was an emergency, and not her being a lying cock whore, she would have leaned on you, let you know about the reason taking her out of town, and/or sought your advice.

    No reason to invest any emotions in her. Use her as a place to masturbate in. And to send the message home, use a rubber when you fuck her.

    Time for the next pump and dump

    Like


  69. It’s a red flag.

    I’d try to play it off like it doesn’t concern me a bit, unless she is crying like a family unit died.

    This is an excellent situation to really use “The system” stuff. I don’t see doc love mentioned here much, but his book has some pretty tight material for weeding out chicks who are going to cause problems.

    Put her back on probation, but don’t make it look like shes on probation. I dunno DATE CASUAL!

    Let her do all the calling and touching, and everything. Look for more red flags. Really get back into dating her. Give her times, and places for dates. If she is flaky at meeting these dates, or calling them off for unexplained reasons. Start flipping open that little plastic shield that covers the eject button.

    Like


  70. on June 11, 2009 at 2:17 pm Jesus_Lizard

    Acting like nothing happened is a surefire way of acknowledging that something bad did happen. You take the Monday call, allow her to offer an explanation, if she does and it is acceptable (i.e. family emergency) then pick up where you left off. If she doesn’t explain herself, you casually ask where she was and what she did, conveying your slight annoyance. Regardless of her explanation (exception: it was something that caused her embarrassment which any person might have reason to not what to divulge right away) you slowly, but immediately retreat and allow her to either fade away or chase after you, if the latter, you make her take some tumbles.

    Like


  71. “The part I disagree with about Aenigma is the “go out with other women” (or pretend to be too busy with other chicks). If a guy trys to make me jealous I always know and it’s satisfying for a woman because again….she knows you care enough to get upset and look for other chicks. An Alpha man doesn’t NEED an immediate replacement because he always has options. What’s the hurry?”

    That’s only if the guy is BLATENTLY trying to make you jealous. If he’s insideiously subtle, or it happens because of his natural alpha player nature, then you will be jealous and your knickers will be soaked faster then you can say Hurricane Katrina.

    “Not to mention that if she thinks you’ll run for another woman the moment she’s not available it will be easier for her to come to the conclusion that you’re not worth HER time (because you cannot be trusted).”

    Only the case if the woman is speeding towards the “wall” and is desperately looking for a beta provider who will foolishly commit and support her ass for the rest of her life.

    AKA- Lady Rain

    For young hot women you are just Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
    1. Woman will look at taming you, and beating her female competition, as a CHALLENGE.
    2. Woman want you more because you’re in demand and attractive to other women
    3. Your natural cocksuress and confidence, from banging other women and not falling for her silly jealousy mindgames/shit-tests, will attact her even more.

    “Furthermore if you have dated 6 weeks and this is the first “disappearance act” then it’s not really THAT suspicious if it’s more than that, then she might be a liar. As weird as this may sound, I will stop dating a guy if he seems to be avoiding me on weekends more than other days. To me that says “you’re not worth my good nights of the week so I fill in weekdays with your presence”. Fuck that, I don’t even tell them why in that case because I already know they’re shady at that point.”

    1. You’re only saying this because you’re old.
    2. You date worthless betas- so its no suprise that you ditch them for any reason.
    3. You’re lying to yourself if you think you’d do this with a high value Alpha male.

    Like


  72. I can’t believe these posts…I feel compelled to post again!

    It’s 6 weeks! That’s SIX! Otherwise known as 6.

    Or more commonly known as, not enough time to even have a debate about what each of you is doing on the weekend…

    How many dates have you been on? Like top 10? And you are acting like it’s been 6 months…

    She says she is heading out of town. You reply: “Have a good trip.” PERIOD.

    Whatever…Some serious dependency trust issues out there in these posts. Go party that weekend like you would normally. Be happy she isn’t trying to guilt you into hanging out with her on important weekend nights.

    Like


  73. Lurker,
    I hear what you’re saying, and I don’t necessarily knock other guy’s way of doing things; but for me, it was fairly clear to me that I hadn’t put my thing down strong enough to make an impact on her. And look, I know this is a hard thing to take for us Men, but the truth is, sometimes a lot of Women only want something short term. Its very possible her ex wanted her back or vice versa or it could be mutual, and she went back to him. I’m cool w/that. I enjoyed her for the time I had her, and I move on. Would I have preferred it go differently, for certain. But I learned, a long time ago, that there’s no way you’re going to change someone’s heart, Man.

    As for the whole time of phone call thing, I often keep odd hours, which explains why you’ll see posts from in the wee hours of the morning, lol. So that’s not a big deal. The bottomline is that 6 weeks isn’t long enough to lose much sleep over. Sure, I’d have liked for things to go differently, but they didn’t. No big whup.

    We bust it up on the phone, I don’t ask about the weekend, and will only discuss it if she brings it up. I don’t mention another meet, unless she expresses a desire to see me. As far as I’m concerned, things are pretty much over unless she says otherwise, and I’m OK with that. No need for all the other stuff I’m reading, w/all due respect to everyone else.

    Life is hard enough and too short to put extra stuff on yourself in the name of coming off as an Alpha Male. The real deal lets stuff roll off their back.

    Bottomline: we met, got together, had a nice month and a half together, sex was good, but it seems she still got feelings for her ex. That’s OK. It was good while it lasted, and the door’s still open in case she wants to come back.

    In the meantime, I got other fish to fry…

    O

    Like


  74. “She is seriously hiding something…”

    I disagree. If the woman wanted to hide something she would have just called up sometime/multiple times during the weekend and lied.

    She is playing a jealousy/shit test game.

    Like


  75. If it was a legit emergency she would have given you a reason for leaving so quickly…and you would have understood. She specifically left you in the dark.

    Call goes to voicemail, she drops a notch on your priority scale and you missed an entire weekend to replace her (a mistake you won’t make again).

    Like


  76. props on the shirt…

    Like


  77. @Aengima,
    You are wrong and LR is correct.
    Confident women NEVER knowingly compete, because 1) it’s unnatural; men compete, not women, and 2) walking away from a man will leave him stuck with “her”. He’ll be left wondering why you didn’t want him, and subsequently, he’ll want you more.

    By executing your scenario above, you may end up with a few women, but they will be extremely immature, desperate, or pathologic. Women competing is not the natural order of things; they must invest their time only in men with genuine interest.

    Like


  78. Doesn’t that shirt come with a warning tag?

    Warning: Do not opperate this shirt in presence of large crowds of women or you may suffer unintentional injury due to ripped clothing, bites, and lipstick poisoning.

    Like


  79. 1. if something bad happened to her (dead Grandma for example) she would have played the sympathy angle

    2. if she was flying off to bareback a black bartender, then she likely would have behaved like this, though I think she would have come up with a lame excuse so you didn’t think she was doing this. since dating only 6 weeks, perhaps she felt she didn’t owe you this.

    3. if she is just running away cuz you’re being too beta then she would not have called you on Sunday and Monday. So it must be #2.

    Six weeks is not a long time to date, but since you are rawdogging, she should not be fucking anyone else.

    My reaction depends on whether or not we had plans that weekend. This is not mentioned. If we had plans, then she flaked and is bumped down from potential GF mode to fuck-buddy only mode. You should stop barebacking her. See her 1x a week max, not on Fri/Sat nights.

    what is bad?

    text message over phone call is bad
    cryptic is bad
    lack of reason is bad
    hour delay is bad
    she did not technically call you that wknd = lie = bad
    talking about ex BF is bad
    age is bad
    lack of career is bad
    life experience search is really bad
    flaky is really bad
    late night call is rude

    what is good?

    good sex
    barebacking
    company
    flattery
    sweet talk

    Bad outweighs the good here, for anything long term. And you can get the good anywhere.

    If she is hot, then your goal is to keep her in your harem but start fucking other chicks.

    Since you should be out trying to fuck other chicks, you should not answer your phone.

    Text her back in a day or two. Something funny and light. Make fun of her. Don’t show that her absence got to you.

    “hey baby. i thot rehab was a month not a wknd. u don’t have to be ashamed lol. going to concert thurs nite. lets go 4 beers after”

    el chief

    Like


  80. Of course she’s hiding something, but why should you care? She is a less than stellar candidate for a girlfriend whom you have been seeing for 6 weeks. Over the weekend you should have been pursuing other opportunities.

    Do not answer the phone. If she calls on Monday, maybe answer or send her an innocuous text, ignoring the weekend completely. If she offers up what happened, evaluate in person whether she is telling the truth or not, but if she also ignores the unexplained weekend just add it to the seemingly growing list of negatives about this woman and pursue others.

    At six weeks and with so many negatives already, this one should be thrown back in the pond, not obsessed over like some high schooler.

    Like


  81. If they like you they make it easy. Until she is doing your laundry and blowing you in the morning. You don’t have her.

    Continue to tap the ass of as many chicks as you can until she is doing both of these things.

    A true alpha would be in the basement of St. Ex on saturday night rubbing his junks on some 22 year old blonde not giving a rats ass where this chick is.

    Like


  82. on June 11, 2009 at 2:54 pm snatch magnet

    Not answering the phone isn’t ‘trying to make her jealous’. The point is she said she’d call over the weekend and didn’t. If she was into the relationship for more than just sex she would have called or at the very least sent a text.
    Call her back when you feel like it. No need for drama.

    Like


  83. on June 11, 2009 at 2:55 pm HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS YO

    Go out and do a ton of chicks while she’s gone, don’t answer the phone.

    Like


  84. who the fuck dates a 30 year old?

    Like


  85. El Chief–

    she flaked and is bumped down from potential GF mode to fuck-buddy only mode. You should stop barebacking her.

    and

    If she is hot, then your goal is to keep her in your harem but start fucking other chicks.

    Exactly.

    Except give the short duration of the period of knowing her prior, I wouldn’t entirely preclude letting her try to get back into potential GF mode. Just not right away, and only if she reforms on that kind of behavior. Otherwise it’s FB.

    Like


  86. on June 11, 2009 at 3:00 pm snatch magnet

    She’s over thirty, childless, and thirsting for excitement she feels she missed out on when she was younger. Women like this will do some CRAZY shit with a few drinks down their throat. Definately not LTR material and absolutely not worth stressing out over.

    Like


  87. I can’t believe these posts…I feel compelled to post again!

    It’s 6 weeks! That’s SIX! Otherwise known as 6.

    Seriously. Y’all sound like a bunch of overpossessive stalkers. In absence of the L word coming up, she’s doing you a favor by not dumping her emergency on you. If she’s lying, acting like you’re upset lets her know she got to you. If she’s telling the truth, it makes you look like an asshole. Play it cool, for God’s sake.

    Like


  88. on June 11, 2009 at 3:06 pm Cannon's Canon

    You’re a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

    Like


  89. “Remain calm and act as if nothing she did was abnormal?”

    Like


  90. Yes, my semi dump and then see if she’ll crawl back approach would likely screen out anony too.

    More goodness.

    anony @Aengima,You are wrong and LR is correct. Confident women NEVER knowingly compete, because 1) it’s unnatural; men compete, not women

    The board’s two current female shrews both auto knocked out. That’s just sweet.

    Note it wouldn’t screen out LovelySexyBeauty from her answers, nor Silvia. Nor i can say with total assurance, Bhetti, from my having done similar for far less reason with complete success.

    Like


  91. “Remain calm and act as if nothing she did was abnormal?”

    The problem with aloof and indifferent game is that if taken too far, the women can say “well if he doesn’t give a fuck, so why bother anymore”, which is why small doses of jealousy and showing her a bit of care from time to time, especially at the right moments can help a brother.

    I think a guy should ask her about what happened in a calm and collected manner and then decide upon her answer (remember we do not know the reason she left, maybe her father died).

    Like


  92. on June 11, 2009 at 3:19 pm Sal Paradise

    I agree with all the posters who say you should get rid of this girl if you were taking her seriously. This is not an LTR type. If she was, she would’ve let you know what she was doing

    Now, if you are content just having sex with her, this girl works out perfectly for you. And you should act as if you could care less that she left without telling you. Don’t even mention it.

    Like


  93. I didn’t read the earlier responses, didn’t want them to colour my response.

    She was not immediately responding to texts or getting back quickly. My guess is something has cooled in the relationship for her. Chicks who are interested don’t go that long without contact unless withdrawing. Personally I have a very hard time not texting immediately to a love interest.

    I wouldn’t answer the phone. Not out of anger but as a sign that you’re not waiting by the phone for her. It will get her wheels spinning. You want her to chase you after all this and if she doesn’t…well c’est la vie. If she’s interested she will up her attempts via phone or text if she wants you. If she texts wait at least an hour before texting back. When/if you do talk to her remain calm, listen to her excuses she’ll give them without prompting, determine if they are plausible and then go from there. You are in charge don’t forget it.

    As an aside going on a first date tonight. It was set up for eight. He emailed letting me know he wants to see me at 7:40. Maybe it’s just me but I dig that kind of request. Dude knows what he wants.

    Like


  94. i’m with metalhaze and some others on this – the post clearly shows that the friend likes the chick, likes her company, likes the sex, despite his concerns about her LTR potential. there’s no reason to be a pre-emptive dick, just to show you can be one. ask what happened, why she did what she did, and see how the answer goes. acting like nothing happened is sort of passive-aggressive, not alpha. acting all whiny and outraged is beta, but it isn’t intrinsically beta to care about her, to wonder what’s up in her life.

    i agree with one other comment above to the effect that it matters greatly whether the sex/relationship was understood to be exclusive or not. i had assumed that it was, but if not, so what? let her have a weekend out of town. you can and will have the freedom to do the same.

    Like


  95. “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” – Elie Wiesel

    Like


  96. EP; Astra–

    I can’t believe these posts…I feel compelled to post again!

    It’s 6 weeks! That’s SIX! Otherwise known as 6.

    Or more commonly known as, not enough time to even have a debate about what each of you is doing on the weekend…

    How many dates have you been on? Like top 10? And you are acting like it’s been 6 months…

    You have a point but you’re essentially assuming a different scenario from the one Roissy presented. 6 weeks is enough time for a relationship to be strongly developing, if it’s moving fast. That’s how he wrote this one up. She’s now letting him bareback (and he thinks that’s not foolhardy as well) after an initial period of not. She hasn’t delivered the L word but it’s written up as though things are moving strongly in that direction.

    He clearly IS surprised about the last minute weekend away announcement, suggesting they’ve been spending them together. You can assume he’s in fact got her down as number 3 in his string of 4 he’s currently dating, but that’s not the write up. It’s strongly suggested in fact that this relationship is in de facto exclusive mode on her side. She did feel the need to at least say she wouldn’t be around for the weekend on Thursday. You don’t do that unless the default had become that she would be spending it with him = she’s gone exclusive.

    My approach was to accept that’s where things had gone to that decision point, i.e. taking the challenge as presented, but to THEN signal to her now that she’s back from her mystery weekend, it’s back on the dating trail for me and that wasn’t GF behavior so far as I’m concerned. You’ve just moved yourself from possible GF status to dating status, depending on how you act.

    I’m assuming she’s hot enough looking and until then acting to be worth it.

    Like


  97. LOL @ trippin’ out after seeing a chick for six weeks.

    She had shit to do. Who cares? Do your own thing.

    After six weeks, what do you know about a chick? Nothing important. What’s her credit score? How much credit card debt or student loan debt? What is her family’s medical history?

    Those are important LTR things to know about. Unless it’s some whirlwind romance, you don’t know shit about the important stuff after 6 weeks.

    So what would I do? I’d talk to her as if nothing had happened. Because, in my mind, nothing would have happened.

    If she told me she banged her ex, I’d ask for a copy of the sex tape.

    Y’all be trippin’ over hos.

    Like


  98. Hm, was she doing anything she shouldn’t have been over the weekend…probably not. It sounds to me like she opportunistically used an genuine situation and blew it up into a dramafest in order to create jealousy/interest. As in, she could have told him the reason for leaving, she could have called, but chose not to. If this is the case she would probably “let him off the hook” if he picked up on Monday night by volunteering a drama-ridden blow by blow of her weekend. I see nothing gained by not picking up on Monday. Sometimes you do what someone expects you to do just to see if they’ll then do what you expect them to; this is one of those times. In any case, her behavior does not speak well of her.

    Like


  99. Some of our resident female admirers have claimed that strong women never “knowingly” compete for a guy.
    Since women, strong or not, do in fact compete for guys everyday there is only one conclusion: Modern women do not know what their own sexual strategies are – at least consciously.

    Like


  100. aoefe —

    My approach would have worked perfectly on you, it seems to me. Which is gratifying because you’re the sort I’d want it to on.

    Would have smoked out where you were, with an inducement to chase me, and decide in my direction, if decisions are still to be made.

    Let’s say she was going back to see an ex who she’d left because it seemed he’d never fully commit, but who was making different noises recently by phone or however. Let’s say she hadn’t decided ahead of time how she felt as between the ex and me. Leaning me but wanted to be sure. Or the other way, whatever. I think my approach would have worked perfectly for that.

    You want her to chase you after all this and if she doesn’t…well c’est la vie. If she’s interested she will up her attempts via phone or text if she wants you. If she texts wait at least an hour before texting back. When/if you do talk to her remain calm, listen to her excuses she’ll give them without prompting, determine if they are plausible and then go from there. You are in charge don’t forget it.

    Exactly.

    Like


  101. @aeofe – it’s not default, is it? you see him on the half-hour, not 7:40 …

    btw, nice blog, nice pix! you’re a cutie and i for one am delighted you hang around.

    Like


  102. You have a point but you’re essentially assuming a different scenario from the one Roissy presented. 6 weeks is enough time for a relationship to be strongly developing, if it’s moving fast.

    Yeah, maybe. I got the impression from the story that things were going well but were not looking long-term, just fun. I also think I’m in the wrong generation at age 37 to evaluate this story correctly. Neither I nor anyone I interact with uses text messaging except rarely.

    Like


  103. Damn html tags.

    Like


  104. Lisa

    If this is the case she would probably “let him off the hook” if he picked up on Monday night by volunteering a drama-ridden blow by blow of her weekend. I see nothing gained by not picking up on Monday.

    You’re wrong.

    As women often are about themselves.

    She’ll be mondo worried if he doesn’t pick up on Monday and he has any alpha stones in the relationship.

    She will try not to be, but worry that she went too far with the mystery and he legitimately thinks she may have been doing something like an ex. Further she’ll be worried he’ll be out dating now, or is, or will be. If he has alpha stones.

    This will cause her to text, probably a lot on Tuesday, likely fessing all and asking for mystery forgiveness, if it is innocent as you suggest.

    Or reconsidering whether she should still be undecided about the ex, or possibly really blew it with the new fab guy me, if it wasn’t innocent, as it didn’t look to be.

    Either way if there’s any chase in her, she’ll chase. If there isn’t after that move of hers, good riddance.

    Like


  105. aoefe–

    Have fun and bon chance.

    Like


  106. Ok roissy, there’s been enough guessing. May we please have the answer? I’m interested in knowing if my knee-jerk idea was correct.

    Like


  107. @LR – “First of all Aenigma I don’t date Betas…everyone knows this.”

    First – you don’t date period remember? You are in a self-induced desert – everyone knows this.

    Second – Why really should everyone know this? You are one narcissistic chick if you think everyone has read all of your asinine posts.

    Sorry inner beotch came out.

    @maurice

    Thanks!

    @Doug

    I was very amused to see we had the same beliefs in approach. Nice.

    Like


  108. ““@Aengima,
    You are wrong and LR is correct.
    Confident women NEVER knowingly compete, because 1) it’s unnatural; men compete, not women,”

    Wrong. “Confident” (aka hot) women don’t knowingly compete over low value men. The claws come out when it comes to high value/status men. See High school quarter backs (High school cat fights), Rock Stars, Sports Stars, Celebrities, Politicians.

    If you don’t compete for high value men- then its obvious that you can’t because you’re not hot enough.

    ” walking away from a man will leave him stuck with “her”. He’ll be left wondering why you didn’t want him, and subsequently, he’ll want you more. ”

    Only if he’s in love, inexpirenced with the ways or women, or can’t easily replace you or some combination there of.

    Like


  109. @aengima,

    “claws……quarterbacks……stars…….celebrities……”

    Have you been watching too much television?

    Like


  110. The bitch is kicked to the curb. This is NOT about Game. This is about relationship behavior and she’s defacto untrustworthy at this point. Even if innocent, it was plain wrong and this IS the type of nonsense female behavior that needs to annihilated when encountered, by all males, as a service to their brethren.

    If I’m at 6 weeks and I’m important to her I should of known from the get-go what was going on even if there was nothing for me to do.

    If the girl felt she had me in her pocket and went to see if she could bag her uber-male, whoever he is, thinking I would just sit and take it as her fallback, she is just going to do it again later.

    If I was feeling particularly vicious I would let her talk, invite her over, fuck her magnificently and then tell her to get lost.

    Like


  111. Anony – “women aren’t competitive”

    And you expect anyone to give anything else you say any credibility at all? Oh, please.

    Like


  112. Um sure yeah Doug, by all means if you want to further the drama pissing games that will do it. I just have a different way, which is, start with what is genuine and throw in a hook. I’d pick up with a “happy to hear from you” tone; not in a relieved way but wouldn’t you genuinely be happy to hear from her if you weren’t concerned about what she was doing all weekend? I mean damn, Thursday was so long ago you were feeling practically *single* again. So that was your weekend, how was hers?

    Like


  113. @km,

    I repeat,

    2) walking away from a man will leave him stuck with “her”. He’ll be left wondering why you didn’t want him, and subsequently, he’ll want you more.

    Like


  114. Doug, and whoever else is on the same page with his line of thinking…

    Astra and I are correct. Bareback or not, the fact that you are referring to this as a serious thing is earth-shattering.

    People “bareback” in days sometimes…Whoop-T-doooo!

    If you are gonna get all in someone’s business and weekend plans (“Whipped”) because your ungarnished pickle saw the inside of her uncovered jar, then you get attached way too easily and should re-evaluate your own over-sensitive life.

    In six weeks, you may have gone on tops, 10 dates. If you have a life, play sports, or have friends, then you probably went on less dates…like 1 a week.

    You may have feelings for them and that’s great and she for you…but getting angry over a couple days of none contact seems very girly – Much like women who need to be called the next day after a date, or are constantly complaining about guys playing games…

    Like


  115. anony – If you’re walking away from a lesser Beta (or less), sure.

    If you’re walking away from an Alpha or higher Beta, no.

    Like


  116. @km,

    If you are walking away from an alpha, all the more reasons not to compete. He’ll wonder what’s wrong with himself.

    Like


  117. off topic, but

    “We are unable to read our own body language”:

    http://bps-research-digest.blogspot.com/2009/06/were-unable-to-read-our-own-body.html

    Like


  118. lisa, you put your finger on why i didn’t like doug’s approach, even though i usually agree with him. it generates drama and is therefore a kind of feminine escalation of what should be handled calmly and openly. she already is chasing – she’s called twice since the mystery weekend to talk about what she did. she’s in his life, and he in hers, they are two adults, so there’s already some base level of comfort and trust and affection. there may be a good explanation – there probably is not. she gets a fair hearing, and if it doesn’t pass the smell test, then 2nd string, FWB, kick to the curb, etc. can come into play. but i’d feel like an asshole if i played those games without asking first, and grandma was actually in the hospital. of course, she could lie, and hopefully you’d have the sense to know that.

    Like


  119. Lisa

    Um sure yeah Doug, by all means if you want to further the drama pissing games that will do it. I just have a different way, which is, start with what is genuine and throw in a hook. I’d pick up with a “happy to hear from you” tone; not in a relieved way but wouldn’t you genuinely be happy to hear from her if you weren’t concerned about what she was doing all weekend?

    You’ve just illustrated three things brilliantly. Thanks for that:

    1) My approach would have worked brilliantly with you, at the cost of your feeling some uncomfortable drama;

    2) your approach was risky and would only possibly have worked with girls who feel just like you do and further who really hadn’t done anything “unfaithful” or that wanted hiding on the weekend;

    3) why girls are usually wrong about what will work best with them or otherwise about dating or relationship advice to men.

    To take the last first, it’s because girls will reliably counsel men to do the things that will make the feel the most comfortable, with the least drama, rather than what will make them feel most attracted and most in need of chasing.

    Actually that pretty well explains the first two as well. Note that if you had been off toying with banging or actually banging the ex, your approach would be that much worse. It would allow the new guy we’re advising to be treated by her as a fallback or second tier, as desired, no muss, no fuss, no danger of losing that option.

    Like


  120. several good pieces of advice so far.

    i think obsidian is on track. if she’s seeing an ex, then your friend isn’t the right one for her. its best if everyone cuts their losses.

    if getting bitchy and questioning her sternly works out for the guy it will only make him all the more committed to the relationship. once he crosses that line of *expectations*, he’s committed himself to a deeper relationship, so he’d better make sure he’s down for more than just good sex.

    most of us have been in similar situations. her behavior pretty much indicates that she’s hooking up with someone else. i’d play it *really* cool and tell her in a nice voice that i don’t think things are going to work out. it was nice knowing you. bye.

    she’s not stupid. she’s either testing you or fucking another guy. either way, you don’t have time for that shit. move on.

    Like


  121. i should add, in all truthfullness, since she’s not actually my girlfriend or anything, i would have been on the prowl for some action myself the night she said she was going out of town on an emergency.

    just for safe measure.

    Like


  122. She’s north of 30 you said?

    Best way to teach women with such shitty behavior a lesson:

    Make her believe (truly, honestly believe) that you had bought the most amazing non-blood diamond crowned engagement ring for her. It was supposed to be a surprise. Tell her you had it all planned out – the most romantic proposal a woman ever had. Her friends would have gone bananas of jealousy. You were about to do it later this very week. you thought she was the one. And now she blew it by showing you her worst side. After what you had – leaving you for days without even a short text explaining what’s going on!

    Make some sobbing sounds and hang up right after.

    Use call block against her stalking attempts.

    Like


  123. finefantastic:

    I was quoting True Romance, yeah. Great movie, although rife with anachronisms. Even though the main characters are from Detroit, no one has a nasally Detroit accent. They’re not even trying. Christian Slater and Dennis Hopper are affecting Southern accents. Walken has a NYC accent and Gandolfini has a NJ accent. Michael Rapaport (Clarence’s friend from detroit) sounds like a mook from Brooklyn. And why is the Sicilian mob in Detroit headed up by someone named Blue Lou Boyle? That guy sounds Irish to me.

    Like


  124. I’m with Aenigma here.

    Women aren’t always testing you, but rest assured, they are always GRADING you. In other words, even if it isn’t a “test” per se, you can still fail.

    The ONLY way you can play it is to go about your business, say NOTHING to her about it, and use the experience (and any future intel you gather) to determine the status you allow her to have in your life.

    Lots of guys will tell you that you need to call a woman out on this type of behavior, but

    1) She will lie without remorse and regardless of the truth you will look like a jealous, insecure beta

    2) Women have the ability to believe their own bullshit, so calling her out won’t accomplish anything

    The only thing you can do to “keep a woman in line” is to use your almighty presence (or lack thereof) as reward and punishment. If you want to send a subtle message the most you should ever do in a situation such as this is to (subtly) put some distance between you.

    Like


  125. doug,

    You’re spot on.

    Like


  126. @hardcore – i never thought of that before-the accents are wrong. the mobsters could have originally been from NY/NJ though. gary oldman was hilarious as a wannabe black dude. the only ones that make sense are brad pitt as the stoner/slacker roommate and the hollywood agent/gay jewish mogul at the end. those are all authentic enough because they were easy to do for them.

    Like


  127. an alpha does not let his women fuck other men

    an alpha does not tolerate flakiness from his women. they drop from LTR, to fuck buddy, to cum dumpster, to nothing, if they flake.

    an alpha does not ask for an explanation, as he knows women well and should have good idea as to what she was up to. if she doesn’t offer an explanation, then he knows what happened. he does not get angry, as she owes him nothing at this point.

    The message you want to communicate (both directly and indirectly is):

    – The jig is up
    – I do not care what you did on the weekend
    – You have been demoted
    – I will be penetrating other birth canals
    – I will continue to fuck you, but only when i’m bored or drunk

    Your message must be conveyed in an aloof, humourous manner.

    if it’s a shit-test, then the same response is warranted.

    Like


  128. on June 11, 2009 at 5:09 pm Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman

    From my company’s personnel manual:

    “Any employee that has not reported for their shift for 3 consecutive days without notifying their supervisor will be considered to have voluntarily resigned.”

    Treat her like you would a flaky, slacker employee. Don’t let the door hit your ass on your way out baby.

    Like


  129. aoefe – don’t mind LR, she’s fairly unbalanced and in need of a good rogering (I guess the reaming from last week has worn off…)

    Lisa- doug1 is right. Women are often unaware of, or in denial about what “works” on them. (Just as men are often unaware of, or in denial about, what they’re failing to do to attract quality women and/or actively doing to repulse women).

    I know many think it’s quasi-beta, or passive-aggressive to ratchet up the drama a small bit (via doug1’s suggestion or my suggestion) to see if this girl has chasing instincts, but you’re forgetting that women tend to subconsciously eat this shit up.

    The trick is to get her to show her hand so that you can make an informed decision as to whether she’s worth any more of your time. If your answer is just “fuck a bitch / kick her to the curb / you’re beta for even thinking about it”, it seems to me your misreading Roissy’s post. He writes:

    “The sex has been great and you enjoy her company…things are heating up…everything is going well”

    Clearly there is at least some minimally threshold-passing value to this girl, enough so that it is worth at least getting her to show her hand and allow YOU to make the right call.

    The game is what it is, this is just a move within it.

    Like


  130. Doug you obviously have no appreciation for nuance, which is why yes, you are probably better off not picking up the phone at all. You Doug, have two choices: passive aggressive or battering ram. Any situation calling for you to stretch yourself beyond these and you’re screwed, congrats.

    Like


  131. Yes, women are useless for advice on how to game women. This blog would be better if they realized that. If I listened to women, I would be buying them flowers on the first date, opening doors, and masturbating nightly.

    Like


  132. If she left to buy me that wolf shirt than I would have to take her back no matter what! That shirt is awesome!

    Like


  133. Hate to admit it, but Ms Raine at 2:01pm is talking some sense. Don’t show anger. Don’t pout. Ignore her Monday call, but hit her back soon enough that you don’t come across as trying to punish her.

    Ask once if everything’s OK, then let it slide.

    Unless she offers you some good rationale for going AWOL, downgrade her to casual FB.

    On the other hand, if she has some valid reason for both leaving, and being sketchy about it (i.e. dead relative)…

    …Downgrade anyway. She’s 30+

    And get back on those rubbers. The ticking she hears as background noise in her every waking moment is getting louder by the day.

    Zdeno

    Like


  134. Lisa–

    Doug you obviously have no appreciation for nuance, *** You Doug, have two choices: passive aggressive or battering ram. Any situation calling for you to stretch yourself beyond these and you’re screwed, congrats.

    Darlin’, don’t be upset. My way is much better, you’ll soon see, and feel much hotter and happier as a result.

    Nuance is my middle name precious, and while I do do battering ram on occasion once the walls have been breached, passive aggressive is not in my repertoire.

    Stick around. You’ll see.

    Like


  135. Lisa – funny how you mention that the girl in the scenario might have been trying to play a little jealousy game by being overly mysterious, the thought crossed my mind too. Thing is, that is really bad game to play from a girl’s perspective. She has had some intimacy with the guy, even if not exclusive, and she already played super bad Girl Game by talking about her ex the way she did. Her strategy sounds like something I would read on a Rules girl message board to get a guy to ask for exclusivity – which doesn’t really work

    Like


  136. on June 11, 2009 at 5:42 pm Conscientious observer

    A dead relative seems like a generally-accepted exculpatory reason for her behavior. I wonder, though, how an abortion would fare as such a reason. It’s certainly an understandable reason for her behavior, but would it also be exculpatory?

    Like


  137. anony – Alphas are qunitessentially confident, a woman who walks away is a flake, he’s not going to wonder about himself.

    Like


  138. @co – yeesh, i didn’t think of that. sure it would be exculpatory if she was pregnant from the one bareback fuck, and it scared the hell out of her, and she couldn’t deal with talking to the guy because of runaway emotion. much better than the opposite, a gotcha pregnancy. but that’s highly unlikely given the scenario. seems like the bareback happened recently, recently enough to not even miss a month. 6 week relationship, after all.

    two other things: why the FUCK was the friend barebacking with all the issues/doubts (age, fidelity, maturity, 6-wks) ?

    and – in the highly unlikely event of an abortion – what if it was some other dude’s child, and she didn’t want you to know…?

    we’re starting to overthink this.

    roissy, what’s your own answer? do you actually know where the chick was, and did it matter to the friend’s response?

    Like


  139. on June 11, 2009 at 5:54 pm Comment_Whatever

    It’s important to maintain honesty in a relationship. Even if your girlfriend is disappearing on you for days at a time.

    So don’t pick up, go out to a bar, and try to pick-up a few girls. Just flirting. Me, jealous? Ahh…. no.

    Then, when you call her on Tuesday, you can honestly say you ‘were out’ and that’s why you didn’t return her call.

    If I’m in a relationship, and a woman feels the need to disappear without telling me anything, call me at midnight(so I won’t pick up!), and in general treat me as disposable…. well, then maybe our ‘relationship’ isn’t worth that much.

    So on Tuesday when you call her, you don’t need to know where she’s been. If she cares about you, then she’ll tell you. And if she cares, she’ll want to do something next weekend.

    If she does ask to do something next week, then say what and where.

    Unless the girl has some special qualities, what’s the point of doing more? (And even if she does, doing more’s probably counter-productive).

    Like


  140. on June 11, 2009 at 5:58 pm Conscientious observer

    Yes, it’s not clear to me from the scenario how plausible a pregnancy would be. What I’m wondering is whether the guy should be bothered if that’s why she split, or if he should affect to be bothered that she did? I know how I would feel, but I’m curious as to what the properly “alpha” response is supposed to be.

    Like


  141. el chief for the win.

    Like


  142. H-you said “do do” *snickers*

    Like


  143. @LR “However, the tone of that is a good example of malicious female venom (toward other women) that I don’t really understand and is apparently the norm among most women”

    According to posts you’ve made earlier you don’t believe in women banding together, you’re only in it for yourself and your family. Which begs the question why play the women against women thing now? It also begs another question why are you here anyway? Not to say you shouldn’t be, you have a right but what is your motivation? I’m here to learn how men think. I’ve also learned I have some weaknesses in my critical thinking abilities. Hanging around reading posts and responses with sound arguments is helping me to stretch my mind. That’s why I’m here. I am genuinely curious to know why you’re here.

    Like


  144. I’m not buying the abortion angle

    – it’s definitely not yours: only “recently” barebacking. she would not know for a few more weeks

    – why would she say she’s flying out of town? oddly specific for something that does not require a flight from DC

    – likelyhood of abortion declines as age increases over 30, combined with lack of career

    * why would she fly out of town on short notice on a weekend?
    * why would she use the phrase “bad news” but not tell you what it is?
    * why would she not respond to your direct question?
    * why did she call you Sunday and Monday?

    The first three suggest something nefarious, and the last suggests guilt.

    Like


  145. @ EP

    Well said.

    A dramatic reaction to a situation like this after 6 weeks of hanging out is chick behavior.

    I wouldn’t be taking her serious after this, but after 6 weeks it’s not serious anyways so no loss.

    Like


  146. Actually women DO compete–but for the resources of alpha males. Men compete just for access to pussy.

    Like


  147. I get the impression Lady Comments here for reasons other than having anything to say.
    I mean, saying abstinence is required AFTER an abortion is just completely un-connected to the issues at hand.
    Afterwards is not what we can know. It is like asking the writer of a novel what happened to the characters after the end of the story. It is dis-orderly thinking.

    Like


  148. on June 11, 2009 at 6:37 pm Lurker Beta

    If you don’t answer the phone that would seem childish, as would calling her on it. Wither one would be giving attention and letting her think what she did had too much of an affect on you.

    Instead answer the phone and act like you didn’t even notice she was gone. Talk about the fun and exciting things you did that weekend. Then when she starts talking about her weekend, say a casual, almost absent-minded “oh yeah, you were gone this weekend weren’t you? I thought something was different this weekend. How’d that go?” or something similar. Listen and converse for just enough to make it seem you’re not being childlishly vindictive, then say you gotta go because something is happening.

    Phone her late the evening on Wednesday or Thursday and ask her if she wants to hang out on Saturday.

    Like


  149. I’m having fun with possible explanations for “bad news”, out of town, inexplicable over phone, sudden onset, and new boyfriend clueless.

    -mother with flair of bipolar disorder; now in legal trouble
    -X boyfriend suicidal and she wants to encourage him
    -family evicted from aptmt and she’ll help them relocate
    -alcoholic father jailed for assault to mother
    -mother with schizophrenia barricades herself inside her aptmt., and now committed

    Like


  150. Conscientious observer asked:

    A dead relative seems like a generally-accepted exculpatory reason for her behavior. I wonder, though, how an abortion would fare as such a reason. It’s certainly an understandable reason for her behavior, but would it also be exculpatory?

    Well an abortion would result in a dead relative…

    On the response:
    Doug1’s, maurice’s or some mix is probably what is needed. I do not see the problem in expressing some concern in an is-everything-alright manner, after all there is some emotional involvement between them. Such concern would not be out of place.

    Her refusal to state a reason, even when asked, is strange.

    But if he likes her, it is probably worth his time trying to prove or allay his suspicions. Given the negatives he should err on the side of caution (ejection). He should re-sheath his sword. Condomless sex with someone he has doubts about is not a good idea.

    Like


  151. @LR

    Thanks for explanation and answering my question, appreciated.

    Like


  152. aoefe

    Fancy meeting you here.

    Like


  153. Default–

    Yeah.

    To be clear, how I’d respond to her would depend very much on what she did on Tuesday etc.

    Where I’m coming from is that her behavior is not proper GF of mine behavior, regardless of the explanation. Doesn’t mean her doing that this time is necessarily unforgivable. Does mean it should get a bit of a starting cold shoulder from me. Now I’m not saying she’s moved into full gf status here necessarily. I’m saying how she handled the weekend moved her further from it, and maybe a lot further, pending more info.

    After that, it all depends. I’d rely on my ability to read women, particularly over a bit of time. If she then gave a family crisis excuse that sounded plausible to me, e.g. had an element of shame to it as some of anony’s last illustrate, that could be believable. But I’d fallow through and pay a lot of attention to cues of truth. I might ask, if you had gone back to see that ex of yours, would you tell me the truth? And see how she reacted. Lots of ways.

    Any girl with any kind of social ability will be able to figure out how it might seem to her new proto bf, and that at the least her mystery about it and non follow through on what she’s said she’d do (call and explain during the weekend) puts the ball in her court to make things right.

    I’m not attaching high drama and major upset to that. Just that’s the way things are and should be.

    If there is a more challenging kind of truth behind it, e.g. she went back to see her ex since he’s been sounding less commitment phobic on the phone, to get a comparative read on her emotions, him versus me, it’s that much more important to not immediately smooth things over for her. In that case, which I could smoke out, she’d have to chase a lot or be 2nd string fuck buddy, etc.

    Like


  154. She should be worried that if she leaves for a moment, someone else will swoop in on you. Sunday nights are perfectly acceptable times to be at the bar.

    Sunday afternoon: do nothing. No communication.

    Monday evening: Don’t pick up the phone. Send back a text, “At dinner w/ a friend.”

    Like


  155. This even I know.

    If after that she called you it is that whatever she has done or went to do, she’s still counting on you to be there.
    Let them come in their knees to you.

    Forget about her for three days or so. Do not answer to her callings, treat her like shit, especially with despize.

    Is she continues to try to contact you after three days, great! You have her!

    If she gives up, be sure to show her that you’re better off and make her feel miserable (through common friends or playing with her insecurities like getting close to that friend of her that she secretly envies).

    With me, after a situation like that, she had to be the one crawling in.

    However, because I’m such a beta, I would run to her rght after the first text she sent saying she’d be out of town with no reason. I’d call her on her bullshit with very alpha tendencies mixed with a very beta I love/need you so.

    Like


  156. Read all the comments. Holy shit that’s a lot of comments.

    One thing stands out. The way the whole thing is framed: the person in question is already a beta. The only way to redeem this is to pull out 100% asshole grade material.

    Next time you talk, tell her to come over ASAP. Fuck her, even if you have to pressure her into it. Order her to get on her knees. If you see a spark in her eyes, it may be worth considering.

    Like


  157. answer the phone, ask nothing, monosyllabic answers to her questions, exactly how you answer every girl in the phone

    if she gives a reasonable reason for the trip, keep fucking her

    anyway, what~s the point, since she is old, without a career prospect, and tells you openly about an ex: obviously it would end in a way similar to this

    Like


  158. This is why I love LR’s posts. Everything she says is wrong. Never listen to what women say, rather what they do (chase Alphas). LR of course is the model of Alpha chaser, so … be Alpha.

    Don’t answer the phone, go back to banging other chicks. Tap her friend fast, if you can. She was obviously with the ex-boyfriend.

    If the girl was into you (she wasn’t) she would have called you to explain, and maybe even asked you to come with her. But certainly a family emergency would have had her crying on your shoulder.

    She’s just not that into you — it’s her ex. She’s already told you what she thinks of you (not much) so move on dot org.

    Like


  159. For casual sex, not answering until I was ready to call her to come over is the correct, alpha thing to do. IF I wanted some shot at salvaging the relationship long-term, I’d get angry and call her out, while being prepared to walk if she didn’t come clean, and realizing having to walk is a likely end result of that.

    Like


  160. @whiskey,

    But certainly a family emergency would have had her crying on your shoulder.

    Soften up. If she comes from a difficult family, she may not have cried since she was 5 years old.

    Like


  161. @default, aeofe –

    once again, you enter the board almost simultaneously after a long absence. how adorable! you are a great e-couple. 😉

    i guess this situation depends ultimately on what the chick says she did, whether she’s credible, and whether the explanation justifies the shifty behavior. we’ll see. i am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, as a glass-half-full kind of guy, but i understand the others who want immediate brutal punishment. i guess roissy’s answer will come up in a day or two.

    Like


  162. I say :

    Don’t pick up the phone on Sunday or Monday. Call her back on Tuesday evening only. Take it from there, and gauge accordingly.

    The key here is that you don’t want to be so easily available outside of the time that she initially said she would call.

    If she said she would call over the weekend, and does not do it, make sure you let 2 calls/24+ hours pass before you get around to calling her back.

    Do a few daygame approaches during that period to fight off any creeping Beta relapse.

    Like


  163. Tactical Faux Retreat – answer phone as if you have the bad news.

    Like


  164. I still fail to see how any man would go condomless with a promiscuous, gold-digging woman, out of wedlock, despite everything we know about the brutal child support laws.

    Baredick is just not worth it with the judicial system we have, no matter how much better it may feel.

    Like


  165. on June 11, 2009 at 9:10 pm Willard Libby

    ….she sends you a cryptic text announcing there is bad news, she won’t be around for the weekend because she is flying out of town. She thinks she’ll be back Sunday evening. She gives no reason for the sudden departure.

    To me that is an insulting and disrespect thing for her to do.

    You text her back immediately

    No fucking way. More like I never speak to her again.

    You consider your options. Call or text her once more demanding an explanation? Send another inquiring text gently wondering if she’s in trouble? Do nothing?

    I’ve already forgotten her name and number.

    It’s Sunday afternoon. What do you do?

    Probably read in bed a little and they go mountain biking.

    Like


  166. Answer the phone. Act like it isn’t a big deal. Tell her to come over. Have sex if she does.

    The relationship is now casual / non-exclusive in any case.

    Like


  167. on June 11, 2009 at 9:18 pm GNPs are for Apes

    Willard Libby,

    Hey, Obese-dian will now not be able to claim that you never talk about Game on this board (not that that claim was true in the first place).

    Now, he has nothing.

    Like


  168. on June 11, 2009 at 9:20 pm GNPs are for Apes

    Now, he has nothing.

    Correction : He has nothing except a vast supply of ponderous fatties.

    Like


  169. “I still fail to see how any man would go condomless with a promiscuous, gold-digging woman, out of wedlock, despite everything we know about the brutal child support laws. ”

    if we’re strictly discussing chances of pregnancy, her being promiscuous would make me think she’s *likely* to covet my seed for reproductive purposes. if she’s promiscuous and likes the raw-dog, she just like the skin-on-skin feel of the dick.

    we take our chances because in reality, most chicks are on the pill and it feels good.

    also, despite the prevailing “wisdom” on this board, most women don’t seek to get knocked up by guys they have no intention of having a relationship with. it happens, sure, but most women prefer to have a mate they know will stick around.

    Like


  170. Turn to the letter ‘B’ in your “rolodex” before she gets on the plane….and keep on fuckin’!

    Like


  171. it happens, sure, but most women prefer to have a mate they know will stick around.

    I don’t know. If you are a single guy making $200K, she knows full well she can get a few thousand a month for 20 years out of you.

    The risk of STDs + the risk of financial extortion = Very, very risky outside of a serious relationship.

    If you do get her pregnant, then the best thing to do is to get 5 other women pregnant. At least then, you reach the max percentage and all the women have to divide the same 65% of your salary.

    Like


  172. This is pretty simple, really. If you have been dating, vigorously I assume, for a month a half, then you should NOT tolerate a prolonged absence without an explanation. It doesn’t matter if her entire immediate family was killed in a freak RV trailer explosion; she should have let you know why she is leaving in the first place. Or if she left in utmost hurry, updated you the first chance she got with a very clear and concise explanation.

    Anything short of the above is a clear and present sign of flakiness, which needs to be punished immediately. You don’t have to dump her right away, but a stunt like that requires complete detachment of empathy. If she starts talking some made up sob story (or even a true one, makes no difference at this point), you need to cut her down to size make it clear that you have priorities in life:

    1. Me
    2. A woman who cares for me and loves me unconditionally
    3. My business
    4. My affairs

    586. Any chick whose behavior doesn’t cut as #2

    She needs to figure out if she is #2 or #586 and go from there.

    Like


  173. Short answer: “Next.”

    This girl is a flake (at best), and it would be a mistake to get invested in her emotionally. Even though the L word hasn’t been discussed yet, she has let him do her sans condom. If she is a quality girl, letting a guy do that should be something of a big deal for her, indicating that something “special” is going on. Otherwise, she’s just a dime a dozen slut who lets whoever she happens to be dating rawdog her.

    Either way, she’s either a standard slut or a semi-quality girl with a major flaw: she’s a serious flake. This much we know. We can also speculate that she’s with the ex, after letting another guy rawdog her days (hours?) earlier. Sound appealing? Really want to stay involved with this thing?

    Even though there has been no formal “relationship conversation,” I think that if you are seeing someone seriously for six weeks, and if you are going bareback, that creates at least SOME expectation of openness, not to mention activating some degree of proprietary interest on the man’s part. Sorry, you don’t just get to jet out of town without so much as a brief mention of why. There are rules, even if they are unwritten and unspoken. This chick has broken them big time.

    Best advice for most guys: Next. Move on.

    For the particularly self-disciplined, put her on rotation as a booty call, but I’d advise wrapping it up from this point forward. And I’d only do this much if she called several times and left something better on the voice mail than “I’m tired.” Sounds like a worthless bitch to me, the kind that appears at first glance to be good girlfriend or wife material, but then wrecks the guy’s life years later on some sort of ridiculous whim. Not worth it.

    Like


  174. I wouldn’t pick up the phone and talk to her later when she calls again. Situation is a little strange as why she gives no reason for flying out of town abruptly. Dating for six weeks isn’t enough time to know her at all. I’d let it go, but if she continues things like this I’d just get rid of her. Hell if shes above 30 with no career prospects and flaky to boot, I wouldn’t be dating her to begin with

    Like


  175. on June 11, 2009 at 10:53 pm GNP is a NERD

    Willard Libby,

    Hey, Obese-dian will now not be able to claim that you never talk about Game on this board (not that that claim was true in the first place).

    Now, he has nothing.

    Yup. Still a FUCKING NERD.

    No wonder no one ever liked you growing up.

    Like


  176. It was a trick question everybody. The correct answer is no one would actually date the girl roissy describes.

    Like


  177. Leave.

    Like


  178. on June 11, 2009 at 11:26 pm GNPs are for Apes

    Nerd,

    Yawn….. I see you are still licking your wounds since I tricked you into providing me with the Chris Rock video that shows that you prefer fatties. You actually got tricked that easily.

    That’s gotta sting. Heh heh heh heh….

    Like


  179. “If you call her out and it turns out her brother had a motorbike accident yr gonna look like a bit of a twat.”

    Yes, but how would you have known this?

    and even in the heat of the moment, its still good to get an explanation so you wont be waiting for nothing

    Like


  180. The answer depends on what you want from the girl. If only sex then who cares who else she fucks. She’ll return for the dick eventually and you’d probably have something else on the side anyway. But if you want something serious, then some type of dramatic call-out after a cooling off period will be required. If she doesn’t then verbalize how much she cares/likes you and wants to see you again then it’s done.

    Like


  181. Roosh —

    Why did remove the comments from your blog?

    Like


  182. on June 12, 2009 at 12:46 am molecular p.i.m.p.

    IT’S A TRICK QUESTION

    Why answer when you’re busy making out with a “lesbian” stripper?!

    Like


  183. on June 12, 2009 at 1:07 am easterkentucky

    Not answering the phone or returning her call, since she left a message, would send a message back through inaction. She would know that conveniently forgetting to call all weekend got to you, as ignoring her back is a typical petty revenge. That is the phone equivalent to the “silent treatment”, that thing women do when they’re feeling scorned.

    Best to not answer the phone right when she calls. It will look like you were waiting for it. Call back in seventeen minutes. Start talking chipper, quickly, mentioning you just got out of shower. Tease her about her bad-timing of calling too early Saturday morning (dont say Sunday night when she actually called) while you were trying to sleep, then again this time while you were showering. That calls attention to her “awkward” phone habits. Move to casual conversation but don’t ask about her trip, let her bring it up. She will. If she doesn’t, dont do so yourself it will flag some jealous curiousity. When she brings it up, change the topic ’cause you’d rather talk in person. Proceed to arrange date. Do not meet her anywhere. Make her come to you. No halfway going Dutch after that shit. Suggest that she pick up a bottle of wine, movie, (somehow task her) and come over. It is important to task her. She owes you one.

    Absence makes the loins grow fonder. So fuck her passionately the next time you see her…but deliberatley reintroducing the use of rubbers. Yes, deliberately. Make no qualms about interrupting the flow and slowly undo that rubber wrapper in front of her pretty face like it’s an indespensible gift. Get it? Now she has to earn the bareback if she wants it.

    Like


  184. Roll over and answer your back up girlfriend when she asks “Who was that?”.

    Then gently kiss the back of her neck, turn her on her stomach, gather her hair in your gentle, but firm fist, and slowly pump her firm ass until she comes.

    Like


  185. I would think that she objectively is a bitch. I would tell her that she should had thinked how *I* feel being worried about her and everything, not providing enoug information me for what was going on etc. If the reason for the trip was some game playing for her part, I would expect a real compensation and remorse.

    Like


  186. Answer the phone, don’t ask what happened during the weekend. Keep the conversation aloof, relaxed, what have you. Either she attempts to explain/meet up, or its over…there is no dwelling on it.

    The way this should be conveyed, on part of the man, is “if its over, there’s no sweat off my back. life goes on.” please note that this is his mindset, not necessarily something verbally communicated.

    Like


  187. The question is what do you do when the phone rings monday evening?

    Keep doing what I am doing, I am busy. The phone will go to voicemail.

    I am not happy with the first reply by text. If a woman gives a message so indirect she knows she is leaving alot unanswered. And I think she does that on purpose.
    I would be more direct in my first text, I would say: “Do you want me to care about what is going on, or are we keeping it vague?”

    She would know “you reap what you sow” in her relationship to me. I do not own her, I also do not need her. If it is good together it is good, if it is not good together it is not happening.

    To get back to the original question what would you do. I would be busy and not pick up the phone. And depending on the voicemail, follow-up call, SMS she “sowes” (which have to be remarkably impressive at this point would we continue to keep contact) she “reaps” my response.

    Like


  188. on June 12, 2009 at 6:29 am GNP is a NERD

    Nerd,

    Yawn….. I see you are still licking your wounds since I tricked you into providing me with the Chris Rock video that shows that you prefer fatties. You actually got tricked that easily.

    That’s gotta sting. Heh heh heh heh….

    Written like a true NERD.

    Like


  189. on June 12, 2009 at 7:05 am goldoildrugz

    i could say that you shouldn’t have “text[ed] her back immediately”, that you should do this on that day or whatever…

    you should all realise by now that the answer to every one of these questions is to go out and fuck somebody else

    all this “game” is just a way of imitating (often without genuinely acquiring) the approach of one who understands a simple truth: women are disposable. if you find one who “adds” something to your existence or, god forbid, “completes you”, that should be an impetus to improve yourself, not keep her.

    Like


  190. on June 12, 2009 at 7:37 am Keep A Movin' Dan

    There’s some missing info in this story: have you told her you won’t date other girls? Is she likely under that impression, even though you didn’t say so? Have you been dating other girls? But anyway…

    Sunday afternoon, I’d do whatever I’d be doing if she didn’t exist.

    Monday evening, I’d pick up. No point in playing games. If I thought she was under the impression that she was more than a fuck buddy (or on her way to being more), I’d calmly communicate that that kind of behavior would make her no more than a fuck buddy.

    Start with “Going off for a weekend without giving me any clue what was going on is kinda weird. I like spending time with you, but we can’t have a serious relationship if you do stuff like that.” If she doesn’t get the message at first, be more explicit.

    Like


  191. on June 12, 2009 at 8:37 am TurkishThought

    To
    on June 11, 2009 at 12:14 pm Kamal S.
    Hell..

    My stab. I’d ignore it ringing, or flip it open and hit the end button. I have sleep to catch up on and am in no mood to be interrupted by a flaky girl too immature to communicate properly. I turn around, sleep, wake up Tuesday, and then listen to some NPR. Grab the kettlebells, do a few swings and snatches, get dressed, take a walk, take care of my business, hit my favorite cafe, and eventually text her back or a bit later in the afternoon with something like:

    NPR? Who the fuck with any teterosterone in their body listens to feminst/omega NPR radio? Kettle Bells? Real men run and use free weights. next your going to surprise us all and say you spend 80% of your time at the gym doing legs.

    Other than those those two herb comments, I agree with most of what you said :).

    Like


  192. Don’t answer.

    Listen to the message she leaves.

    Don’t call back.

    When she call again, don’t call back, again.

    If she calls a third time.. make sure she does the work of getting together. If she doesn’t you lost her.

    Like


  193. Eh. To each his own..

    I enjoy kettle bells. I like swinging them around. You do 70 snatches and swings in a session and see how much to continue to regard them as sissy weights
    🙂

    You are right regarding free weights though. I deadlift and squat with free weights at the gym. I hate those damn machines. My flat is too small for a bench however, and I just really, really, enjoy swinging kettlebells around. It’s like a high.

    2. Listening to NPR keeps me in pulse with the dominant opinions of the liberal cultural order in this country Do I have to agree with, eh, 90% of the editorial bias? No. Does NPR have fairly good coverage of many events and does listening to it give me a clue as to opinion and trends in the country’s cultural elite that I can leverage and use to my own ends?

    Yep. I find morning edition useful in the same way that I find the BBC world service useful. All media sources have a clear propagandist bias, I’m clever enough of a cookie to figure it out and extract what is of use to me. Besides NPR gives me good chat fodder for the typical type of feme who hangs out in coffeehouses around these parts.

    Am I intelligent enough to perform synthesis on knowledge obtained from multiple sources ? Yes. Is NPR

    Like


  194. anyone bashing kettlebells is a ‘mo. anyone who says free weights are more manly than a kettle bell is totally clueless.

    Like


  195. on June 12, 2009 at 10:37 am Cliff Arroyo

    Since the relationship, although sexual and escalating, hasn’t been going on for long and the L-word hasn’t been used, she’s supposed to account for her movements … why?

    The normal human being thing would be to answer the phone and hear what she says. If she doesn’t bring up the trip it’s okay to say: “How was the trip, wanna talk about it?” If she doesn’t want to, then change the subject. The weekend is a data point, not the Rosetta Stone and there are a fair reasons she might not want to talk about it (especially if some kind of family dysfunction is involved).

    If there are independent reasons for suspicion (and not the raging paranoia that ‘game’ engenders and requires) then stop contacting her and if she contacts you tell her you don’t trust her.

    Like


  196. “Since the relationship, although sexual and escalating, hasn’t been going on for long and the L-word hasn’t been used, she’s supposed to account for her movements … why?”

    What you are saying would make sense for a casual fling, but it doesn’t if something appears to be serious. In Roissy’s post, it seems as if this guy is taking things seriously. It’s not just casual to him (if it were casual, no worries).

    If two people are seeing one another extensively, are going bareback (which raises health issues, among other things), then it is not reasonable to simply jet off without an explanation, and then not call when you said you would. Why would you stay involved with someone who engaged in that kind of behavior, other than keeping her on casual rotation? Life is going to be plenty tough without getting involved with inconsiderate flakes. There are going to be enough curve balls thrown at you in this life without getting involved with a girl that is going to throw more. I don’t know about you, but I want less hassles, not more. I’ve been with enough women to know that some are solid and considerate, and some just aren’t. This girl sounds like one that isn’t.

    This girl’s behavior is sending up lots of red flags. So for most guys who are going to end up getting emotionally invested in a girl that they see a lot of, it’s best for them to bail out and try to find someone more solid and considerate. For the hardcore self-disciplined, put her on rotation. But the simple truth is most guys can’t pull that off, so it’s best to just next her.

    Point is that regardless of whether the L Word has been used or not, red flags are red flags. Life is short. Why bother with her, and why pretend that red flags don’t exist?

    Like


  197. I haven’t read any other posts, but this is what I would do:
    (fingers crossed)

    1. Go out Friday night and Saturday night.
    –being around and flirting with other women to keep me from “worrying too much”.

    2. Sunday afteroon.
    –send a text message commenting about something random. (ie: weather, food, etc).
    (as in Trail Texting http://roissy.wordpress.com/2009/02/05/trial-texting/ )

    3. Monday when she calls.
    –Call her back 30min-1hr later.
    –Act normal and set a time/place to meet with her.

    4. When face-to-face.
    –After the greeting niceties. Calmly confront her.

    Like


  198. Some people are missing the point, forget about the L word.

    It’s about being considerate. If a woman i’ve been seeing for 6 weeks suddenly, suddenly, acts in a grossly inconsiderate way for several ways in a way that I would find annoying even in my non intimate friends, this is highly problematic.

    It is not about accounting for one’s movements, she knows it, I know it, and deep down you all know it. It is about being a flake. There are reasons for flakage, and they need to be properly ascertained with a minimum of fuss, drama, and without interrupting my daily schedule unduly.

    Men who have experienced similar patterns would recognize that events like these either indicate guilty infidelity of some sort – outside of the terms of the established relationship, a traumatic personal experience, or simple often unconscious manifestation of drama for the sake of making things less boring or testing boundaries in a relationship.

    I have a right to define what I’m willing to put up with in another, and that other has a right to decide what they will or will not do when they breech what I’m willing to put up with. Two free individuals choose to meet, I have my terms, you have yours, where they overlap there can be magic, where they clash, well we have to figure out some things together then, no?

    Like


  199. I can’t comment on exactly what’s the best action to take, but it might be worth considering that A. this woman is going through a really tough time or B. getting scared of her own emotions, or both.

    Offensive/confrontational attitude is not the way to go, including the sulky silent treatment / ignoring.

    There must be *something* going wrong when you’re in that first month or two bliss stage and either one of you disappears for a weekend. And it might very well be fear and/or life craziness.

    Like


  200. It’s simple. Barry Manilow told us what to do all along. Say…
    “Those dreams of yours,
    Are shining on distant shores.
    And if they’re calling you away,
    I have no right to make you stay… (snip)
    But somewhere down the road,
    I know that heart of yours will come to see,
    That you belong to me.
    Letting go is just another way to say
    ‘I’ll always love you so.'”

    This was a big hit in 1981-82, and how much could society have changed since then? Very little, I presume.

    Like


  201. Barry Manilow? Really?

    Like


  202. being around and flirting with other women to keep me from “worrying too much”.

    That’s a very important point.

    Even the lowliest of o m e g a s might know theoreically that you need to play it cool with a girl and not sweat her flakiness. Any nerd who follows a PUA blog will give you the right answer on a paper-and-pencil Game quiz.

    But it’s a whole different thing in the field of battle. When you dig her, your emotions are entangled, you feel anxiety and knot in your gut because you feel like you’re losing her…

    And that’s when the alphas are separated from the betas. An alpha might feel that urge to call her and might feel those desperate emotions runnig through his head. But in the field — where it counts — he will have the self-control to implement his theoretcial knowlegde and go on like he’s not worried about her.

    Like


  203. “Since the relationship, although sexual and escalating, hasn’t been going on for long and the L-word hasn’t been used, she’s supposed to account for her movements … why?”

    @Cliff —

    The relationship is described as having been on an escalating trajectory. She also said she was going to call and did not. It isn’t about accounting for her movements but about being considerate and following through.

    I think that the best thing to do, as I said above, would be to not call her back on Monday. Let her chase a bit. If she calls on Tuesday, pick up the phone and don’t mention the weekend. Mentioning the weekend makes you look controlling, creepy, desperate and clingy — all decidedly non-alpha — it’s a big mistake to mention the weekend. Let her do that, or not.

    If she doesn’t mention the weekend, she gets thrown back in the pond (or retained as an FWB type thing if she merits that) because she’s been rather inconsiderate about the whole thing and is not worth the effort, particularly when taken together with the other negatives listed in her description.

    If she *does* mention the trip, then there’s a need to assess the veracity of what she is saying — hard to do on the phone, really, but possible.

    If she doesn’t call again at all, no loss, and the question answers itself.

    Like


  204. But it’s a whole different thing in the field of battle. When you dig her, your emotions are entangled, you feel anxiety and knot in your gut because you feel like you’re losing her…

    The most effective way to counteract these emotions is to just go out and approach other girls. It isn’t even necessary for you to actually get a number or whatever. The mere reminder that there are tons of other available women out there will totally rein in your urge to call call call.

    Like


  205. Hey guys, got a question of my own for you all. Love to hear advice.

    Went out last night (Thursday) seeking to only have one -two drinks. So I struck up a convo with two girls, both of whom were drunkenly faking Russian accents, which I called them on, and we started flirting a bunch. Another guy moved in on one, and I took the other, and all was well as we got plastered.

    Went to another bar holding my girl’s hand all the way (and grabbing ass), and on a couch, after I bought her a sex on the beach, we started making out a ton. The foursome was talkative when not hooking up, so it was jovial. In fact, I got the feeling her friend (equally as hot) wished I had moved in on her rather than my girl.

    So end of the night comes (3am), and my girl turns out to be the mother hen (a common problem for me, I seem to attract them) and herds her very drunk friend into a cab, despite my repeated attempts to un-hen her.

    So she gives me her number with these words: “Text me, but I probably won’t answer tomorrow or Saturday, because I’m running a party for my friend.”

    My girl was some sort of trained opera singer, but “between jobs.” Early-to mid 20s. Cute, but clearly a little chubby coming on (opera singers tend to be as such). Lives in Jersey (I’m in NYC).

    I ask you guys the following:

    1) Should I contact?
    2) Text or call?
    3) What should I text?
    4) When should I text, given her “instructions.”
    5) what’s the plan for meeting up with her if I do.

    This should give a great thread.

    Like


  206. sure – text her saturday night, using a funny tag line from your night out, maybe an opera pun as well, and set up drinks for mid-next week. use command forms, don’t ask questions. have a 2nd or 3rd cool venue lined up if it turns into another night out – map it out. what do you have to lose? fake russian accent a little bizarre/immature, mother hen tendencies worrisome, but it’s not like you’re asking to have her child at this point. go for it.

    Like


  207. ok, here’s a shit-test (or maybe an innocent question (who knows)) that I’ve gotten on a lot of recent dates, “what kind of girls do you like?” or “what are you looking for in a girl, “what hair color do you like?” Sometimes I have said the opposite of the type I am talking to (girl bragging on her DD’s, “I like legs”), sometimes I give guidelines (“I like hair without highlights, etc.”). Other times, I just ramble saying I like tiny brunettes or tall blonds or whatever. Sometimes, I’ve jokingly said, in an obviously joke joke voice, everything about the girl (“I am looking for a redhead … in a green shirt…”)

    Anyone else dealing with this line of questions have advice(aside from stupid “I’m posing as oh-so alpha,” you should walk away, stare off in the distance, go hit on a girl at another table, I would go smoke a hookah while deleting her number from my cell)?

    Like


  208. She made out with you and let you fool around with her in the bar…

    so she’s probably trying to play hard to get to make up for letting you go so far so soon. She likes you and doesn’t want you to think she’s too easy.

    Not sure on exact advice, but from a girl’s POV, I don’t want anyone who does exactly what I tell them to do. Whatever you do, don’t be predictable.

    Like


  209. update: she just texted me. “How’s work haha”–she’s unemployed.

    Like


  210. good ideas, maurice and dreamer

    Like


  211. on June 12, 2009 at 1:38 pm Dr. Grzlickson

    “Roosh –

    Why did remove the comments from your blog?”

    Because most of them were critical, despite whatever alternate explanation he may offer.

    Like


  212. so much for hard to get. see if you can get her to hit a high C after the next date … 😉

    (reference: Madeleine Kahn in “Young Frankenstein”)

    Like


  213. Pick up, and without letting her get a word in edgewise (important!), begin talking to her very seriously as if she’s gone and had an abortion…of your child. You know the kind of thing to start spouting:

    “Baby, so good to hear from you. I want you to know that I really appreciate what you did, ’cause I know you did it for me. You know I love my freedom, and there was just no way you were going to bring something into the world that might have a negative impact on that freedom. I cannot thank you enough for putting me ahead of your own selfish need to reproduce, especially since your clock is ticking seeing as how you’re what, 35? etc etc etc nonstop blahblahblah”.

    And more etcetera. Go nonstop for at least ten minutes. Get her to the stage where she screams at you to LET ME TALK!!!–and then spills the beans on what really went down.

    If she actually got an abortion, you’ve imposed your frame on her action–no sympathy, note!–if she didn’t, then she will be beside herself in eagerness to let you know exactly what happened. Women are like that, you know.

    Why go to the trouble of doing this? Why not just let the phone ring, maybe let her leave a message? She’ll have her script set up that’s why. And besides, there’s simple curiosity, really. The girl has nothing to offer for the long run, but I admit to some curiosity as to what really went down.

    The Thanks For The Abortion routine you run on her–as soon as you pick up, remember!–will force her womanish nature to assert itself…and she’ll spill all the beans, all of them, all over you. Be prepared to hear something unpleasant of course, but…

    Even if it turns out to be something like My Father Or My Dog Just Died and you believe her and still want to see her, you will still have established utter control over how your relationship is to be viewed, including its reproductive aspects.

    It’s all about frame.

    Like


  214. maurice, good reference. I like the one from Blazing Saddles:

    “Tell me, schatze, is it twue what they say about the way you people are… gifted?

    “Oh, it’s twue. It’s twue. It’s twue, it’s twue! “

    Like


  215. I have an additional something to say. Standing by what I already said, I also think that when it comes to her telling you what happened over the weekend, you should feel free to act annoyed if what she was doing was a legitimate emergency. In fact the more important it was, the more annoyed you can get. The reason is because the end result you want is to have her apologizing to you. I mean if you can get her to apologize to you for her grandma dying you’ve got it. This is also why I say go ahead and pick up, you can direct the flow of the confrontation instead of drawing it out into a possible pissing contest.

    Like


  216. Usually Bill Mahar is an asshole, but at least he’s a man:

    Like


  217. lurker–

    Text her but wait until Sunday. She’s already said she’s unlikely to respond Fri or Sat. Organizing a party for a friend means that includes Sat night. Course it could well really mean she has a date Sat but so what. Sunday it is.

    Really all fields are go so far. You’re not in a hard gaming situation.

    I like to keep some general principles in mind and then mostly make stuff up around them rather than following tons of game maxims or rules for specific situations.

    The first principal is that you’re an alpha with a lot of girl success under your belt. That might mean you’re jugging a few girls right now or it might not at the moment but it does mean you can go out and get them sans sweat.

    However you’re also an alpha that’s moving or has moved to being a bit more serious about girls and this particular girl you are FOCUSING on has really peaked your interest. No she hasn’t fully proven herself to you, but so far systems are go and she’s special and interesting to you, as long as she acts like she is in the reciprocal direction and doesn’t play too many games with you.

    As well, while you like to play with girls emotions and can be surprising and do thrilling things, you can also be comforing and steading, and lead them solidly forward.

    With those kinds of yin and yang principles in mind as backstory, and decent ability to put yourself in her shoes and see how something is likely to make her feel (Roissy is tremendous help in that), you can go far.

    So txt Sunday. With a date as soon thereafter as practicable. Summer in NYC. A River to River performance or a couple back to back in an outside venue or two might be a good thing. Walking / talking before and in between. Light and cheap (or free) and seasonal but also cultural. She is an opera singer.

    Like


  218. […] 12, 2009 by roissy The range of answers by the commenters to yesterday’s post about how to handle an inconsiderate woman you’ve been dating for six weeks when she flies […]

    Like


  219. Lurker–

    txt vs phone.

    I think of txt as better than leaving phone messages but worse than actually talking. But then I’m a good talker. So I use it for initial communication but I’d rather pick up.

    Keep in mind that one of the things 20 something girls love txting for, and they love it like banshees, more than Red Bull, is for juggling. Txt is a juggler’s godsend. Add in twitter/tweeting and you’ve got attention whores fully whored out, it they want to be.

    What phone calling does is break thoroughly into this and create a relatively slow moving (compared to juggling multiple conversations), concentrated flow.

    It’s a micro date. Use it accordingly.

    So I’d txt Sunday but when I got her txt back, I’d probably tell her to call me immediately, rather than set up the date fully through txt.

    Like


  220. I would answer the phone and let her offer an explanation.

    Naturally I would assume something shady is afoot, if she had otherwise been communicating regularly and things were going well up to that point.

    If she did not offer an explanation, I would casually ask what had happened. Based on that explanation and her profile to date, I would decide to next or let it play out a bit longer….but barring some unfortunate circumstances like a family incident, this is almost certainly a next.

    Like


  221. “Hey, where the white women at?!?”

    What a tragedy that Richard Pryor didn’t do that part – he helped write the script and the part was created for him…but he ended up being too drugged out at the time of shooting. harvey korman also great in that one. i also really love the count basie cameo in the beginning … it’s probably the best of the mel brooks movies overall (ex the producers).

    Like


  222. On that same note, if it WAS a family incident, she would have given you at least a cursory explanation prior to her departure…if her stance towards you was unchanged.

    Women dont leave their man for 4 days without explanation unless there is information he is not privy to know.

    Like


  223. Mo, more of a tragedy that Cleavon Little didn’t do anything with his fame after the role.

    It was the 70s; he couldn’t get a detective show? They were handing them out like candy back then.

    Like


  224. shit, guys I think I fucked up.

    We started bantering back ‘n forth via text, until I made some crack about alcohol making everything better.

    Her next text: “You’re a little obsessed with alcohol.”

    Me: “Nah, just with some pretty girl I met last night.”

    Me: ;P

    Silence.

    Is this salvageable? And if so, how?

    Like


  225. lady bmx:
    First of all Aenigma I don’t date Betas…everyone knows this.

    soon, you will have no choice.

    Like


  226. soon, you will have no choice.

    While an alpha may choose to avoid pumping and dumping her if she ages, I suspect that vibrators, dildos, and lesbians will do a far better job of provisioning orgasms than a beta male.

    Like


  227. lurker:
    Her next text: “You’re a little obsessed with alcohol.”

    Me: “Nah, just with some pretty girl I met last night.”

    Me: ;P

    Silence.

    Is this salvageable? And if so, how?

    doubtful. this was an extinction level text. not only did you prematurely compliment her on her looks, but you attempted a transparent backpedal with the feeble wink emoticon.

    my advice: end all contact for at least two weeks. in two weeks time send her a text telling her you’ll be at such and such show and she’s welcome to swing by.

    Like


  228. supercalifragilisticexpialadoTROLL:
    I suspect that vibrators, dildos, and lesbians will do a far better job of provisioning orgasms than a beta male.

    dildos are beta. for lady rain, only sheep dogs and peanut butter will do.

    Like


  229. dildos are beta. for lady rain, only sheep dogs and peanut butter will do.

    Wasn’t there a Howard Stern or Opie & Anthony bit about women who have sex with dogs?

    Like


  230. Thanks roissy. i knew it was a fucked up text the moment I sent it.

    Damnit.

    Like


  231. luke, i am your troll:
    Wasn’t there a Howard Stern or Opie & Anthony bit about women who have sex with dogs?

    i dunno. but i knew an aging woman (a real loser) who had two giant slobbering sheepdogs. she would go up to her bedroom with the two dogs and a jar of peanut butter to spread on her vulva for them to lick.

    Like


  232. Ouch lurker, that hurts. I cringed as I read that, especially since (from what it sounds like) you met her just last night?!? Self-owned!

    Like


  233. Yep, Brad. My biggest problem is the day after. I can number close/approach with the best of them; its the second meeting/date/flirt I fuck up on.

    Hence why I am here.

    Like


  234. I see what’s going on here. The guy’s a total infatuated “bitch” and I’m loving it! HA! Want to know why? I’m going to tell you anyway. He’s acting insecure over something so trivial!

    Like


  235. OK, i’m over from the other thread and i see roissy’s response now. far be it for me to doubt our Lord and Masterous host, but i’ll stick to my advice: ping her again in a few days as though the supplicating had never happened. i don’t see it as “extinction-level” – and if it is for her, over something as stupid as an over-eager text, then good riddance. if she blows you off, you’ve lost nothing, and if she responds, all good. in two weeks she will have lost all emotional association/memory of the drunken makeout and you’ll be starting from behind (the supplicating chump hole).

    @roissy -did you call the ASPCA on her? forcing helpess animals to lick aging pussy? with PEANUT BUTTER no less? definitely cruel, and definitely … unusual.

    Like


  236. Doug:

    Nor i can say with total assurance, Bhetti, from my having done similar for far less reason with complete success.

    Yes, it did work perfectly on me, trouble. You bastard. And with ‘far less reason’ because I could never treat you that way.

    Sadist! Making me crawl back, huh? Flipping alpha showing off his bitch.

    Like