Comment Of The Week: Mt Rushmore

From drib:

How very true and timely in my case. I recently returned from a trip in the North Western States (not the Pacific NW) to see some of our countries natural treasures. Besides seeing tons of fat asses who all seemed to be rocking the Kate Gosselin haircut (No shit, from ages 20-60. Very scary.) I had an experience in a small room in a museum at Mount Rushmore. While reading about and pondering the balls of the man who created the Mt. Rushmore sculpture I couldnt help but hear the heavy breathing, grunts and cries of “Jesus Christ” coming from behind me.

I turned around to find five other people in the room with me of whom were ALL morbidly obese. Not just fat, but freakshow fat! we are talking 500lbs and up. All sweating and leaning against the walls except for one couple who managed find a bench made for four that could only hold the two of them. They were an interracial couple. He was black she was white. On her lap was a newborn baby who looked in scale like a normal sized turd for her. Thank God the child will have no memory of its descent from her Big Mac encrusted crotch into the folds of her elephantine thighs. The same cannot be said for the OBGYN who had to witness this horror show. Unless of course the child wound up in a toilet bowl because its mother thought it was merely a sack of White Castles that just went bad?

I realized then in that room that at 5 11 and 165lbs I was an evolutionary throwback for that moment. A neanderthal in a brave new world of sweat, sloth, grunting and type 2 diabetes. God help us.

The hallowed rock began to creak and groan. The family of five needed to be airlifted out in bedsheets before ol’ George broke his back.





Comments


  1. Disgusting.

    Was at the bank this morning.

    Harrowing experience.

    Fat fat fattily fat.

    What the hell is wrong with us?

    Fat used to mean an extra 10 lbs. Now it’s size 12 and not avoiding fat, but avoiding clinically obese.

    Fuck, this country is disgusting.

    We need to tax fat people.

    But seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US?

    I mean, my God, the whole world is laughing at our blubbery asses.

    WTF did we do?

    Like


  2. Food industry

    Lack of exercise

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  3. Public shaming may not be enough. What we need is a Dexter-esque response.

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  4. Fat white women! This trend being of them teaming up with team diversity (America’s most important asset, don’t ya know) is interesting because, ten years or more years ago in my early days, it seemed that obese white women were getting hitched to closeted gays or really, really effeminate skinny white men; the proverbial bowling ball and pin couple.
    Now, I guess there’s an outlet for them that provides more than just companionship. Ain’t excess testosterone great?

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  5. Christ, is dieting such a hard concept to apply?! 🙂

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  6. you know we the people pay
    for fatties all day
    healthcare

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  7. I suggest:

    Cave Pride Parade

    Meat eaters only, at least supporting a four pack, decent amount of body hair, optional facial hair, and straight to the bone(r).

    On another note, Movember could prove to be interesting.

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  8. You’re right about this comment. kudos to the writer. I read it out loud to my hubby and we had a nice laugh.

    Best lines: “On her lap was a newborn baby who looked in scale like a normal sized turd for her. Thank God the child will have no memory of its descent from her Big Mac encrusted crotch into the folds of her elephantine thighs. The same cannot be said for the OBGYN who had to witness this horror show. ”

    HAHA!!! Nice!! (Very Ignatius Riley vibe to the prose 🙂

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  9. The portion sizes in America are truly disgusting at most restaurants. There is no shame at all about being 300 pounds it is accommodated ie: drive thru fast food. Great-it’s not enough to shove a 3,000 calorie meal into your system-but you don’t even have to get off your ass to get it, just sit in your car and chomp chomp.

    Clothes sizes just get bigger to adjust. Do you know how many billboards for gastric bypass surgery I saw in CA and NV this summer? They were everywhere. Food addiction and sloth is a serious issue for America.

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  10. OMG “Big Mac encrusted crotch into the folds of her elephantine thighs”. Missed that gem when I first read the comment. That is fantastic.

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  11. on October 21, 2010 at 12:22 pm Fourmyle of Ceres

    “But seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US?

    I mean, my God, the whole world is laughing at our blubbery asses.

    WTF did we do?”

    The food industry (General Mills, McDonalds, etc.) has taken all of the fiber and nutrients out of everything. All we have left are different combinations of white flour, canola oil, high fructose corn syrup, “natural flavorings”, and Red #6.

    If we simply banned all foods that came in brightly colored boxes and added sugar we’d be way ahead of the game. Americans would also need to stop watching so much TV so they’d have time to actually cook a meal, rather than nuke a hot pocket.

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  12. hey were an interracial couple. He was black she was white.

    honestly, when the word “interrrrrayshul” is used, is there ANY other kind of couple.

    Thank God the child will have no memory of its descent from her

    he’ll heal up nicely just in the nick of time to rape your elderly wife during a home invasion in the year 2051

    I realized then in that room that at 5 11 and 165lbs I was an evolutionary throwback for that moment.

    Couple that with intelligence to write that – and you have come full circle to pre-extinction.

    Like


  13. “Fat, dumb, and drunk is no way to go through life, Son”

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  14. on October 21, 2010 at 1:13 pm Ascending Alpha

    It is truly depressing how fat our country has gotten. Us thin people are now a minority.

    Anyone know of any thin countries with good jobs, low taxes and like American ex-pats?

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  15. The human race desperately needs culling…bring on the Apocalypse.

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  16. Anyone know of any thin countries with good jobs, low taxes and like American ex-pats?

    why? someone would just let in the libs again and screw that place up too.

    But seriously, I hear Chile is the place to be for stuff like that.

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  17. Come to Asia, people. Your eyes shouldn’t be assaulted by this garbage.

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  18. @Ryo,

    Come to Asia, people. Your eyes shouldn’t be assaulted by this garbage.

    I keep saying this. I mean it to shame America.

    But actually, it’s not a bad option. The losers will all say – fine, leave, you bastards.

    But the ship is sinking with all this ballast.

    Like


  19. Come to Asia, people.

    What’s in it for the Asians?

    Like


  20. @KYO

    No thanks. Unless the Asian chicks have some western blood in them, they all look as bland as white toast with no to little breasts and asses. I’ve watched enough Ninja Warrior episodes with the Japenese females to conclude that the Asian girl beauty myth is just that, a myth.

    Like


  21. @dream puppy

    HAHA!!! Nice!! (Very Ignatius Riley vibe to the prose 🙂

    Heh, I’m 100 pages into this book. Quite a comic work!

    Like


  22. This is a good comment and unfortunately all too true.

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  23. @Kyo
    “Come to Asia, people. Your eyes shouldn’t be assaulted by this garbage.”

    Earlier post on FAT people I (Asian) said it’s what we eat and you ARE what you eat and keep on moving don’t stop!!! Be Active people!!! Stop being lazy. I have drawn another conclusion. I think using more brain power can burn more fat. Mental energy exerted can greatly improve metabolism. I’m 5’2″ 102 pound (female) and I burn a lot of mental energy EVERYDAY and you should see me chow down a 14 ounce steak….I mentioned before. Tofu is NOT the only food on my menu.

    Morsellaux….I know it makes my brain ROT!! hahaha!!

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  24. It’s lifestyle, mostly. People are too sedentary. No-one “needs” to expend calories unless they set aside a specific time and place to do so — unless they schedule it. When a country’s lifestyle is so fucked up that people must schedule exercise times in order to remain fit, you’re going to see most people sliding into unfitness.

    Many other countries do not have the degree of sedentary culture we do — people still walk a lot, for example, to go shopping or out on the town. People walk or bike to work. People use public transit, which makes them walk a lot, go up and down stairs a lot and so on. In most of the US, people walk to and from their cars, and that’s that — because life is not structured around walking, but around driving. It’s not that the thin Euros and Asians are all gym rats — not at all. The whole lifestyle is more active. In the US, our default lifestyle is inactive, so we have to add “activity hour” into our already busy schedules — which most people will not do, resulting in the obesity epidemic.

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  25. @PA
    “”Come to Asia, people.

    What’s in it for the Asians?””

    What do you mean?

    Like


  26. 5’11 and 165 . . . dude, stop worryin bout fatties and hit the gym. I could throw you about 20 ft, pencil neck.

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  27. on October 21, 2010 at 2:06 pm rebelliousvanilla

    “On her lap was a newborn baby who looked in scale like a normal sized turd for her.”
    It was probably the same colour too. 😉 lol

    Gorbachev, your comment related to the ballast was funny. I suppose California will slide into the Pacfici not because of an earthquake, but because the land gave way due to the people living there weighing too much. 😛

    Like


  28. @Tinder – you won’t be disappointed. It’s a masterpiece.

    LOL @Vanilla. If that’s the case, the flyover states will be below sea level soon…New Orleans already is!

    Like


  29. Fatification is just another reason not to tie yourself to one woman.
    http://www.omgsoysauce.com/14746/marriage-before-and-after-10-pics/

    I pity guys who have chained themselves to these formerly-hot-girl-turned-megafauna. Too bad marriage doesn’t allow novation, where the guy could find a whale loving black guy to take his place.

    Like


  30. It’s always easier to blame the EEEEVIL FOOD CORPORATIONS than admit you’re too damned lazy to exercise and too damned greedy to control your intake.

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  31. on October 21, 2010 at 2:59 pm rebelliousvanilla

    Trimegistus, corporations are part of the problem. It’s impossible to research the effects of all the crap in the food. This is why the FDA should force them write on the food whatever bad things they do. Or the US should do away with the FDA completely since it does more harm than good in the medical part.

    Still, the problem is that nobody in a family thinks about what to eat. We used to do that and we used to cook. Now it’s all premade crap. That’s the problem in the lazy part, even bigger than exercising. And obviously, the new series of Sex and the City is more important than reading books on nutrition.

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  32. “Public shaming may not be enough. What we need is a Dexter-esque response.”

    How about a Reggie-esque response:


    feature=related#t=4m10s

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  33. The obesity trend is picking up fast in France (where I used to live), in Holland, Belgium, Germany…

    There are very, very few extremely obese people in those countries, but the “general level of fattiness” is increasing. It’s hard to find slender women in Holland these days. It’s mostly your “average ass but with bigger boobs” type. From what I saw, the average ass there is still slimmer than in the US, but it’s catching up. Sad, really.

    As for Russia, where I live now, a fringe population got wide but the fat epidemic seems contained and stays away from most of the people under 35 y.o.
    Increase in career-oriented people means girls are getting married later, meaning they have to stay in shape or get lost. Thank god, competition is fierce in Moscow.

    Like


  34. on October 21, 2010 at 5:30 pm The Rational Male

    I’m from FL. While we are not necessarily awash in a sea of thin people, I got a rude awakening on my recent trip to Wisconsin.

    The people there don’t walk, they waddle.

    One night when we were out a chick that looked like Miss Piggy tried to pick up my friend who is 6’4″ with a six pack. We all blew her off so she started calling us gay while SNORTING like a pig every time she would laugh.

    She flipped us the bird as she rode away in the cab.

    Fuck America.

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  35. Novaseeker (as usual) is entirely correct. But why is America so sedentary? Because we must live far, far away from everything to avoid NAMs.

    Exurbs require cars, because they are built upon avoiding NAMs as much as possible, by great distance from them. Hence everything and anything you want to do requires cars.

    Like


  36. on October 21, 2010 at 5:51 pm Vincent Ignatius

    Whenever a fat ass is stuffing their face with unhealthy crap, no one ever says, “Why are you eating so bad? You need to lose weight!”

    But whenever I’m eating healthy, I have to put up with assholes asking “Why are you watching what you eat? You look good.”

    I look good BECAUSE I watch what I eat. Otherwise, I’d look like you.

    Like


  37. I grew up watching Al Bundy, he always clowned on the fat women. Did the PC police take that show off the air?

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  38. @Rational

    What part? I’m in Miami beach and I can honestly say everyone here is thin. Miami is another story, but when I go to other states I am flabbergasted. I recently went to New Orleans and even the college kids were quite fat (and much older looking, sure ages you for sure).

    Like


  39. on October 21, 2010 at 7:18 pm The Rational Male

    Dream Puppy,

    I’m in Orlando.

    Miami Beach shouldn’t be counted as part of the US when it comes to fatness. I was there a few weeks ago and it’s a whole other universe. Living in an area like that almost forces you to be thin.

    In downtown Orlando and other “nicer” parts of CFL the people tend to stay in shape. The women who live in my condo complex are knockouts and the men stay trim. Go 30 minutes south in some of the burbs and it’s a whole different story.

    Roissy and others have mentioned it before, but the thin, good looking people gravitate toward coastal and urban areas and the competition tends to keep them thin. I see pictures of people I went to HS with 20 years ago in Missouri and it’s a freak show. When I was in Wisconsin the high school girls were BEAUTIFUL. Most of the older ones out of college were heifers.

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  40. In many jurisdictions workers such as bar staff are allowed, and indeed may even be obliged, to refuse to serve a customer if they think the customer has had enough. I think the same should apply to fast food servers, convenience store staff etc.

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  41. Watch Wall-E or whatever that movie was called.

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  42. What’s interesting is that blue-states are on average far thinner than red states. Republicans, look at yourselves in the mirror.

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  43. @Rarfy
    I am not republican (proud to have never voted) but there is not reason to believe that what holds in the aggregate also holds in particular. i.e. just because republican leaning states are fatter (I actually think this has more to due with income levels than affiliation) does not mean that republicans within those states are fatter than a random sample from the nation as a whole.

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  44. @ The Rational Male

    There’s nothing worse than a snorting laugh.

    How many Karen Carpenters could fit inside these fatties? On average, I’d guess about three and a quarter.

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  45. A handy mnemonic for the guys out there:

    > (size) 4 = out the door

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  46. Trimegistus, nobody who understands the role of the food and diet industries in creating the insulin resistance and cancer epidemics, is still eating garbage.

    Stop making excuses to be a cretin.

    There’s a difference between an “ethnovore” concerned and frustrated with apathetic people who are in need of some shake and wake, and a butt head whose ego is scaffolded by a false hierarchy within the crap eating, factory farmed herd that is most Americans and a growing number of modern people in general.

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  47. I live in the Portland. Oregon area. By the standards of America, Portland and Seattle areas are not bad. I recently went to Victoria, B.C. and the girls there were very slim and quite attractive. They reminded me of American young women in the 1980’s. They were not like the heifers in the U.S. today.

    Also, Victoria’s Walmart is the only Walmart I have ever been in that had semi-classy shoppers. I was quite impressed.

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  48. Wow. Comment of the week? First of all I would like to thank God. All props to him who is above. My friends and family. My agent Sol Hirsch and publicist Jenny Hirsch, Sol’s niece. All my fans and most of all the man who made this all possible. A man who’s biting wit, insatiable lust for the ladies and the perfection of Game brought my tale of woe to the masses. My main man Roissy! Much love. Much love. And in closing I leave you with words of wisdom from that warrior punk poet.

    “My week beats your year.”
    – Iggy Pop

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  49. This was how it was with the Americans visiting Neuschwanstein also. Someone could make a killing selling oxygen to the American fatasses climbing the stairs of that castle at each floor.

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  50. “There are very, very few extremely obese people in those countries, but the “general level of fattiness” is increasing. ”

    That’s what I observed in Dominican last year.

    I was like “these are supposed to be the elegant Europeans putting Americans to shame?” Pshaw…kiss my ass with that bullshit…

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  51. “But why is America so sedentary? Because we must live far, far away from everything to avoid NAMs. ”

    I don’t get this lifestyle at all, on any level. If I sat around all day not only would I be overweight but depressed, achy, hell probably borderline suicidal as well.

    The NAMs are strangely the solution, not the problem. Go to a suburban basketball court and chase around some NAMs playing defense for an hour. Repeat until you’re actually somewhat effective (may take a few years.) Don’t sit at home.

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  52. I figure it’s got to be the corn syrup that gets put in everything these days. They still use cane sugar in the rest of the world.

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