Girlfriend or Fling?

It’s been a while since the last scientifically sound assessment.

gforfling3.jpg

I like analyzing groups because the interplay between everyone helps me decide which girl would be open for a same night lay and which one would be worth toughing out a few dates with before sexing.

The far left girl is clearly a fling.  Everything about her says “pain in the ass who bangs like a guy”.  The holes in the jeans, large hoop ho-rings, and bright red nail polish are enough to tip me off.  Throw in her solo shot drinking and it’s case closed.  Maverick drinking is a red flag for sluttiness.

The girl with the flower shirt standing next to her has girlfriend potential despite her tantalizingly exposed belly.  She has both her hands on her boozehound friend which means she is loyal and dependable.

The girl in the middle squeezing her way into the picture would make an excellent girlfriend (assuming she met your minimum looks threshold).  She is the girl who has always been in the background of life, ceding all the attention to her wilder friends.  She yearns for a brief moment in the spotlight, even the tiny spotlight of a club photographer’s flash.  These are the signs of a love-starved girl.  Expect her to enthusiastically answer your calls on the first ring and to save all your text messages.

The black dress girl in the foreground is a golddigger who will not give it up until the 15th date as evidenced by her severe hairstyle, and then only after you’ve blown ten girls’ worth of dating money on her.  She craves meeting a man who will bring the fling out of her.  She is leaning backwards in a block maneuver because she secretly can’t stand her needy friend behind her.  Or they’re a couple.

Blue shirt girl is a dirty little fling.  Don’t let her easy smile and girl scout bangs fool you.  She is leaning to the side so the camera doesn’t miss the full glory of her (fake) cleavage.  She is also the only girl in the picture in physical contact with a male body.  She’s that comfortable with her sexuality.

If you swing that way, funboy on the right would make an excellent girlfriend.  He is dressed too conservatively for anything but tender moments holding uncalloused hands by the reflecting pool.





Comments


  1. Spot-on comments. One thing that stuck me about the black-dress girl is the force of her gaze. Exciting and chilly all in one.

    Is that guy married? There is something on his finger; looks like a class ring but it’s on his left ring finger…. I don’t recall what finger American men wear their class rings on. Maybe he’s single and foreign (Europeans wear their wedding bands on the right hand.)

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  2. “tender moments holding uncalloused hands by the reflecting pool.” funboy.

    haha. that is too funny. and totally true.

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  3. Nice assessment. Spot on.

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  4. My favorite game and I’m in accord with all of your observations. I also get a strong foreign vibe from this group.

    First, sweet lord that blond in the foreground is ugly and adding insult to injury, a golddigger as well. She would fit perfectly here in NY, joining the legion of single girls who refuse to settle for anything less than private jet commuting to the Hamptons.

    Blue shirt cleavage girl is also wearing large “hoop ho-rings.” I will abscond this term but I would still hit it like a retarded kid out of line.

    The two in the middle background are good girlfriend material.

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  5. Black Dress Girl looks to be quite a bit older than the others. Maybe it’s just her severe hairstyle, but I don’t think so. Come to think of it, Shot-Drinking Girl on the far left could be well into her 30’s herself.

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  6. Yeah, I was thinking the “girl” on the left was looking just a tad Cougar. Something about the tightness in her temples (and is that a receding side hairline?) and what looks a drooping abdomen under the drooping red top.

    Gold Digger in the black dress has creepy eyebrows. And her staring gaze smacks of psychosis. I fear her.

    Great call on blue-top fake-tits, though. I had her pegged as a Nice Girl, even a Very Nice Girl. But she’s been called out, and good. Fling all the way!

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  7. I love the girl second from the left who is a Danica Patrick look-alike! Clearly the cutest one in the group and the best gf material.

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  8. PatrickH, those aren’t “fake tits”. That’s a push-up bra. No one who spent the money on plastic breasts would get ones that small. She’s a smallish B- or A-cup girl in a Wonderbra or something of that kind. Can’t believe I’m posting this comment…oh well.

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  9. It’s interesting how most guys here associate negative qualities (loose, golddddiger) with the two perimenopausal older women who appear to be in their middthirties, and positive qualities to the three girls in their middtwenties. I suspect that if these two women were ten years younger, judgement would be much nicer. When women hit 30, it’s really game over in the prime marriage market.

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  10. It’s interesting how most guys here associate negative qualities (loose, golddddiger) with the two perimenopausal older women who appear to be in their middthirties, and positive qualities to the three girls in their middtwenties.

    The girl in the blue shirt on the right is one of the younger three, in fact she may be the youngest of all, and she’s hardly been given “positive qualities.”

    As for Black Dress, her creepy facial expression has little or nothing to do with her age.

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  11. how exactly is that guy dressed conservatively?

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  12. cuch – relative to his fellow funboys.

    if he’s straight, he’s an orbiter, or an LJBF.

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  13. The girl in the blue shirt on the right is one of the younger three, in fact she may be the youngest of all, and she’s hardly been given “positive qualities.”

    Answer

    “Blue shirt cleavage girl is also wearing large “hoop ho-rings.” I will abscond this term but I would still hit it like a retarded kid out of line.”

    While she is criticized, commenters still express genuine interest in her. Something that the other two older women lack. everybody wants to screw them, but don’t want long term relationships. You are making the same mistake most
    women in their thirties make: they confuse the ability to get laid with the willingness to seriously commit, two different things.

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  14. I’ll be the freak as usual and say that I’ll take the far left girl for marrying, and I’ll leave the other girls as possible female friendships. The other girls aren’t sexually attractive, and the girl in the blue dress is too flat chested.

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  15. “No one who spent the money on plastic breasts would get ones that small. She’s a smallish B- or A-cup girl in a Wonderbra or something of that kind. Can’t believe I’m posting this comment.”

    You’re growing, clio. Posting here at roissy’s is bringing out a whole new side of you.

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  16. AWESOME…the world of blogging needs more posts like this one.

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  17. Second from left has a happier, younger version of the look of the actress in the movie “Bound” .

    *Fingers just in shot to right are from the one who has always been out of the picture.

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  18. the leather pants of background girl may move her into the fling category. something tells me she bangs the most out of any of them, but just doesnt advertise

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  19. Ah, the hate! Excellent post.

    Far left – nothing but a cockblock. Seriously, she looks like my grandmother (only somehow above 5 feet tall – confusing.) Regarding this one, David Alexander once again states his credentials as a viable wingman by professing a strong desire to grenade-jump.

    Next girl, a winner. Added points for potentially real hair and skin color, the only one in the group to earn this (including the dude.)

    Center girl – Yeah, uh, Roissy, that’s all you. She looks like she fell in the vat at the bottled tan factory. Not to mention the widow’s peak. The girl she’s leaning on lives under a bridge and eats children who don’t do their homework.

    I’m very hesitant to say anything about the girl in blue because honestly I’m convinced I’ve seen you two hanging out somewhere together. Cute, though, arguably hotter than #2, but the pic quality makes it a very vague call.

    Best to say about the dude is that his collar isn’t tall enough to pop. I’m unsure what could possibly lead to his hands-front pose unless the girl in the blue is at that moment hard-elbowing him clean out of the shot. Any dude filling out his drawers would have his arms around -something- in that shot.

    I’m not sure any of these girls are viable as girlfriends or flings. Sure, they’re a little older than my usual fare, but mostly it’s the pileup of them all together at once. If there’s one thing girls in this city don’t get, it’s that almost no man is dumb enough to try to hump Aphrodite if she’s in the middle of a field of Bouncing Betties. I’d take one look at that group, note the two cute ones, see the other hyenas and get back to my drinking. Look, you and your four ugly friends are not going to all sleep with me tonight, so why bring them out in the first place?

    Not a single guy would think to comment about the earrings. We could not possibly give a fuck. Notice too that

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  20. Notice too that I apparently couldn’t be bothered to finish my post.

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  21. Best to say about the dude is that his collar isn’t tall enough to pop. I’m unsure what could possibly lead to his hands-front pose unless the girl in the blue is at that moment hard-elbowing him clean out of the shot.

    That’s a sharp observation. It really does look like she’s trying to get him out of the picture.

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  22. […] can get the full analysis of the entire group here. Including the guy on the right. This was one of the top WordPress posts […]

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  23. jewcano:
    Any dude filling out his drawers would have his arms around -something- in that shot.

    lol. yeah, i was thinking the same thing. which is one of the reasons why i pegged him as a fancyboy.
    or european.

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  24. […] Girlfriend or Fling? It’s been a while since the last scientifically sound assessment. [image] I like analyzing groups because the […] […]

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  25. I’m a girl. The totally superficial assessment of the dynamic goes like this – bitch, coward, bitch, funny, good. Which is how you evaluate before you’re actually standing beside one at the bathroom mirror and character-reading is accurate as possible.

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  26. Actually, it is a question, if you don’t mind me putting it bluntly, of assessing orgasmabllity (especially multipleorgasamability). From left to right, i would say red shirt, good, black shirt excellent, spotted top difficult, black dress difficult, blue top excellent.

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  27. I love when people judge other people for fun!

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  28. All these brown people (brown hair/eyes and/or skin) are older than you think. The woman on the left looks about 46. The one next to her is about 30. Next to her about 34. The blue shirt girl looks about 32. The hag in the black dress looks over 50. And the brown homosexual guy looks about 32.

    No one is wearing a “dress”. None of the boobs are bigger than a B.

    The horrible severe hairstyles (ponytails) show laziness. Who the hell would hit on a ponytail? I want long, natural blonde hair. Not a brown ponytail. Dull…

    All the girls (except the rear middle) look like hookers/sluts/strippers. Wearing those kinds of clothes is ok for a bar or strip club. Not for out in public. No wonder people think American women are easy.

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  29. TWO WORDS about women in their 30’s

    ‘Sexual peak’

    and who cares? Not everyone wants to get married. It is not WRONG for a confident woman to be comfortable with her sexuality. Why do guys assume that’s what you’re looking for? Maybe not always a fling, but not a committment tomorrow, either.

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  30. I remember the endless repetition in high school sex-ed classes about women in their 30’s being at their sexual peak. It’s nonsense when “sexual peak” is defined in terms fertility, body tone, or fresh-faced beauty. In these terms, sexual peak is closer to 23.

    Women in their 30’s are perhaps less inhibited than they were in their younger years, which accounts for this so-called “sexual peak.”

    It’s as though the sex-educrats wanted women to party and/or puruse careers through their 20s, rather than find a husband and start a family.

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  31. Well, women in their thirties are the horniest and the least selective, a mechanism by nature designed to get them pregnant before it’s game over. In that sense, it’s true that a woman’s sexuality peaks in her early thirties. However, feminist education also wants to imply that’s the age when women are the most attarctive or ideal age of bith, which is of course BS. I strongly suspect that the most coveted wife -at least physically speaking- would be in her late teens, although most men may not have the courage to say so or it would cause them damage in their social relationships, specially if they are over 30.

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  32. hi. my husband Brandon posts on the superficial forums as “apotheosis”. I have a new blog about his online romantic and sexual relationships with female posters.

    http://mrsapotheosis.wordpress.com/page/2/

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  33. I strongly suspect that the most coveted wife -at least physically speaking- would be in her late teens,

    Probably true, but there is such thing as too young. Teenage girls, at least in modern societies, are too immature to relate to a man past his mid-20s, and their psyches are too unformed. Nabokov’s “Lolita” is an extreme example, but it does show a good example of a girl who has the power of fresh, alluring beauty mixed with the cruelty and stupidity of immature girls.

    In my experience, women don’t grow up and get beyond their party-girl mode — and thus are ready for marriage — until they are 23.

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  34. All these brown people (brown hair/eyes and/or skin) are older than you think. The woman on the left looks about 46. The one next to her is about 30. Next to her about 34. The blue shirt girl looks about 32. The hag in the black dress looks over 50. And the brown homosexual guy looks about 32.

    Those estimates are way too high. Only two of the women, the one in the red shirt on the far left and the one in the black dress with the scary look, seem to be over 30. I would say that Red Shirt is the older of the two. She could be up to 35, verging on cougar territory as another comment noted, while Black Dress is maybe 30 to 33.

    All of the remaining three women are in their 20’s. In fact, the girl in the middle, with the spotted shirt and the fake tan, might be only in her very early 20’s.

    All the girls (except the rear middle) look like hookers/sluts/strippers. Wearing those kinds of clothes is ok for a bar or strip club. Not for out in public. No wonder people think American women are easy.

    Ridiculous. The red shirt worn at far left is a bit on the revealing side, though the woman doesn’t really have the figure for it, and the blue shirt at far right displays some cleavage, but neither outfit is skanky or hookerish. The other three are all dressed fairly modestly.

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  35. Wow, how pathetically craven. I have the great misfortune of having to work with one of you sad, metrosexual (ie-gay/bi), Pick-Up-Artist types. Of course, the guys a total douche, just like you! Commenting on dress/’blouse’ cuts and styles and earrings, jeez, projecting much?!

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  36. Normal Person they never quite left the glory days of high school behind. It’s called not knowing how to think outside the box.

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  37. And yet Normal Person and Stiletto keep hanging around here.

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  38. No first time here – but when in Rome:

    Left – Ballbuster & Leader, probably likes alpha males like cops/military.
    Second Left – Gay in a Michelle Rodriguez kind of way.
    Middle – The “Easiest” and Bisexual when Drunk – Bitchy too
    Front – Looks Jewish. JAP. But probably a nice girl although I bet when she drinks she’s a pain in the ass. Def high maint
    Blue dress – Girlfriend material and probably more humbled than the rest – because of her looks she attracts assh0les probably so she’s a bit more “put into her place” and codependent than her friends.

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  39. Actually, it is a question, if you don’t mind me putting it bluntly, of assessing orgasmabllity (especially multipleorgasamability).

    IMHO, only the red shirted girl is capable of any orgasm. Otherwise, none of the females in the photo seem capable of it.

    It’s as though the sex-educrats wanted women to party and/or puruse careers through their 20s, rather than find a husband and start a family.

    Makes sense given the former is much more fun than the latter. Plus, a career is great for supporting one’s self and offspring when your spouse leaves you for somebody better or when those pesky kids grow up. In addition, careers are a great way to pay for nicer things, along with expensive things called homes tend to be more expensive in good school districts.

    I strongly suspect that the most coveted wife -at least physically speaking- would be in her late teens

    If you’re a predator or loser, then certainly, yes. If you’re normal, then a female in her twenties would be best. I’m not fond of stupid girls, nor are most men.

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  40. Snnff snffff…did someone say “box” ?

    My little head is always thinkin’…..

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  41. I guess I’m getting a different read here on blue-dress. She’s beautiful. I don’t think her chest is fake. She’s the only remotely attractive one of the bunch. OK, maybe flower-shirt is OK, and looks like a nice girl.

    Blue dress looks nice at first, but being the only traditionally attractive girl in the bunch, is used to constant attention from the slick romantic types and is happy to ignore you or even go home alone – there will always be more lining up.

    Flower-shirt (itself a big indicator of innocence) is a nice girl who doesn’t quite know how to dress. She knows she has to “show it off” to “party” but isn’t sure where “it” is. She’s also a little dense and naive, so every guy that hits on her will be perceived as honest and sincere. Poor girl.

    Red-shirt doesn’t just date cops, I think she is a cop. Or maybe a truck driver. She’s single. pushing 40 and really likes Van Halen. She ditched her usual hockey jersey for an ill-fitting “sexy” top, showing off what few really want to see. Buy her a shot, call her “hot” and she’s yours. Look out though, she belches a lot.

    Awkward-pose is a tough read. The gobs of fake tan might mean she’s really out of touch with her own attractiveness. They keep piling it on but it’s never orange or leathery enough. The tan lines will act like landing lights in a dimly-lit room. Are those leather pants or a shiny skirt? Leather or other tight shiny pants would fit the profile.

    What can be said of the one with the icy stare? As mentioned above, Red is the pack leader (c’mon girls, let’s party!!!1 wooooo!!1) but this one would like to unseat her and install a more refined, cultured regime – which means she gets wasted at parties on champagne instead of wine coolers. She hasn’t really got the time to be hanging around with these rubes, and she’d like to ditch them next time for something a little more intriguing, but oh yeah she hasn’t been touched by a man in 18 months. And no one’s seen him since. So out to the bar it is…

    The guy? Yeah 70/30 says he’s European. Or maybe a random stranger who jumped into the shot trying to be “wacky.” It’s not gonna help with these girls, man.

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  42. Looks like the Spice Girls reunion with David Beckham edging his way into the shot….

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  43. The more I look at the picture the more I notice odd things:

    1. Flowered Shirt has both her hands on Red Shirt’s shoulders and her head is inclined in her direction. The other three girls, in contrast, are clustered together. My guess is that the five girls in the picture are not necessarily all friends with one another but are comprised of two separate groups (Red Shirt/Flowered Shirt; Fake Tan/Scary Face/Blue Shirt).

    2. Speaking of Red Shirt, why is she the only one of the five (six, if you count the man) who is not looking at the camera? My first thought was that she deliberately wanted to be photographed while downing a shot, but now I’m not so sure.

    3. Fake Tan has one hand on Scary Face’s shoulder and one hand on Blue Shirt’s shoulder. It looks as if she’s trying to gather the two of them in. Could she be the leader of the group?

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  44. And a couple of ethnic remarks:

    – one of my first thoughts upon seeing the picture yesterday was that Scary Face looked Eastern European or Russian

    – Flowered Shirt could possibly be a very light-skinned Hispanic.

    I get no particular ethnic impressions from any of the other three girls.

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  45. if you’re a predator or loser, then certainly, yes. If you’re normal, then a female in her twenties would be best. I’m not fond of stupid girls, nor are most men.

    I’m not sure if that was to be an insult.
    But two things: 18-19 year old gilrs are adults, and since I’m still 24, I’m not really ashamed to admit that I feel attracted to
    that age range. If the man is over 30 the girl should not be under 20, I can agree with that.

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  46. hahaha, dude great post.

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  47. I don’t care much about your post, except for one thing: the girl in blue. That cleavage does not look fake, I have one looking just like it and all it takes is a push-up bra.

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  48. You guys all missed dude’s wedding ring on his left hand. I don’t think they’re foreign; I think they’re from Jersey due to the hoop earrings and douchy hairstyle from the guy. Where’s dude’s wife? It’s not blue-shirt girl; otherwise, we can’t tell. I think the absence of any indication of dude’s wife being there indicates that this is a work function. All of these people work in a call center or in some other low-level administrative setting.

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  49. I mused upon the dude’s (wedding?) ring in post no. 1.

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  50. Haha, I really enjoyed reading this!

    I would love to send a pic of my girls and me in action for you to analyze!

    🙂

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  51. This comment cracked me up —

    “I remember the endless repetition in high school sex-ed classes about women in their 30’s being at their sexual peak. It’s nonsense when “sexual peak” is defined in terms fertility, body tone, or fresh-faced beauty. In these terms, sexual peak is closer to 23.”

    Note — fertility, body tone, and fresh-faced beauty all refer to the perception of an observer. Sexual peak (and presumably a corresponding increased interest/engagement/enthusiasm) would be internal to the woman!

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  52. Eh — enlighten my ignorant self — what’s “party mode”?

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  53. I was prepared to be annoyed or insulted, but in fact…I was only amused. What you fail to realize is that at one time in her life…every woman has been each of these women in the picture. If she is lucky that is….except the guy–he just looks really uncomfortable!

    Diana
    http://www.sexywhispers.wordpress.com

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  54. nice post. i dont think ive seen anything like it.

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  55. I can agree with all your female assessments, except about the girl in blue. I don’t think she’s showing off he cleavage, so much as just being friendly. I mean, she doesn’t have that “lean in to let the girls say hello” stance. I attribute her posture more to “squeezing in”… just not as desperately so as her friend on the other side of the gold digger. She’s been forced by the gold digger to lean towards the guy and square to the camera, or be mostly hidden from the camera.

    I also disagree with you assessment that her breasts are fake. But I could be wrong about that.

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  56. […] Girlfriend or Fling? It’s been a while since the last scientifically sound assessment. [image] I like analyzing groups because the […] […]

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  57. What the fuck is spam like post no. 54 and 56 doing here?

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  58. Hilarious.

    @48, Jersey huh? I would have pegged the woman on the left as German, but maybe it’s the cop thing 41 mentioned. Except she reminds me of a few German police officers I know.

    I feel sorry for the dude.

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  59. xadness:
    I would love to send a pic of my girls and me in action for you to analyze!

    feel free. and the more in action, the better.
    i’ll turn my incisive investigative eye on it.
    of course, the price to play is public exposure. you’ll have to be OK with that.

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  60. hahaha… I am fine with that! I will digg into my pics to find some good ones an you can chose which one to assess.

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  61. Just when I thought the “Kitten or Cougar” disquisition was as fine as they wrote them, along comes this piece.

    The chick in the foreground looks like one of those girls who’ve been told she’s pretty even though she’s not, so I agree with your assessment. However, the chick behind her doesn’t seem that needy as much as unfavored by a very awkward pose.

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  62. […] 6, 2007 by roissy It’s a Very Special Christmas Girlfriend or […]

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  63. The girl in blue is most probably either Russian. Take a look around DC – all the hot, tall (with or without high heels) and slender women are invariably Russian. She looks like she has one of those adjustable chameleon personality types – she will switch her behavior depending on the personality of the guy she is with.

    I personally think that the flower girl everyone loves is quite hideous. Her mullet-y hairstyle make her look like an unwashed poodle. If she was blonde, she could have pulled this off in the 70s with mixed success. She will probably have you take her on 10 really awkward dates before you realize it’s a waste of time.

    The one in red that is getting hammered here will probably be the most fun (together with the chick in the middle). Both will show you a good time and the one in the middle may actually stay for breakfast and return your call a couple of days later.

    The chick in the black dress is overdressed for the party, and is caught in an awkward facial expression/head tilt, hence the bitch look. She probably is a bitch though, and will want you to buy her a new Porsche Cayenne before she gives you a kiss.

    The dude is the friend. He hasn’t banged any of these chicks and will not be banging any of them. No wonder he has the “I am with a bunch of chicks which is cool, but I’m not getting laid which sucks” type of look on his face.

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  64. […] in a series of my popular girlfriend or fling […]

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  65. Forgot those people. Let’s see what the person who wrote –

    “I like analyzing groups because the interplay between everyone helps me decide which girl would be open for a same night lay and which one would be worth toughing out a few dates with before sexing.”

    What this person really means is:

    “I like analyzing groups because the interplay between everyone helps me decide which girl would be susceptible to a date rape drug ala Natalee Holloway and which one would be toughing it out and one to my plans.”

    – looks like. I’m thinking ” s e r i a l k i l l e r!”

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