Love

No one goes on vacation thinking of the long ride home.

What is unique about love is that it alone among all the human desires defines by its absence the utterly meaningless life.  With love, the poor person can feel rich as if the struggles of his survival were minor inconveniences.  With love, the old person forgets his age.  With love, the young person sheds his angst.  A man can amass a kingdom’s fortune and an emperor’s power but without love his worldly successes stand like hollow totems to unhappiness.  What good is anything if it doesn’t ultimately reach a conclusion in love?  The wealthy businessman who spends all his hours in his office and wastes his years whistling past the grave being too busy for love is a loser no less than the unloved degenerate street bum.  Sushi tastes better than a 20 dollar bill.

The mischievous thing about love is that as vital as it is to a fulfilling stint in consciousness, it mocks its own importance with reminders that it rests precariously on a foundation of some very banal preconditions.  People fall out of love and it is rarely for lofty reasons.  A man loves a woman until she gains 50 pounds.  A woman loves a man until he loses his job and goes unemployed for months on end.  And when that pretty face turns ashen and carved with the years will it really be love anymore?  Those crass attraction buttons still have to be pressed for love to appear and then to sustain itself.  Self-delusion about the dirty business behind love is not only required, it’s inevitable.  Why ruin the fun by obsessing over the dull ride home?

A lot of seducers mistakenly think that love is a garnish to the main course of pursuing and winning the hearts of women.  They compartmentalize — it’s a bonus to feel love, but damned if they’ll let that get in the way of the good times.  The worst thing to happen to a guy who gets ass regularly is not rejection (after all, rejection is the badge of honor worn by womanizers) but falling in one-sided love.  Or, similarly, falling in love only to have his woman dump him.  Getting dumped is part of the game, and can be expertly handled, especially if there are fallback options.  But the alpha who succumbs to the folly of love opens himself up so completely that state control is no longer his prerogative.  He risks everything, including his most cherished asset… his trust.

This is the wrong way of approaching relationships.  It’s fine to be calculating about the pick up, and the dating, and even the relationship management, but attempting to corral as thermonuclear an emotion as love is only going to light the fuse on the bomb.  I’ve seen many players sabotage their relationships with really great girls who had captured their hearts because they feared losing control under the chaos of being in love.  They put all this effort into bedding her and making her fall for them that they lost sight of the main objective.  A man can be all alpha but if he doesn’t cash it in for the ultimate prize he’s revealed the beta at his core.

I once lost a girl I loved.  The rush of pain was so intense even a fight club pummeling couldn’t have distracted me from it.  But I didn’t stoically shrug it off.  I threw glasses at the wall.  I broke things.  I smashed up my apartment.

If you aren’t smashing stuff after losing a lover you don’t know the pleasure of relinquishing everything for love.





Comments


  1. Holy shit dude, can you please get the fuck out of my head! There’s so much you’ve written here that I don’t even know where to start. I have my own blog so I’ll continue there but this post is so butter it doesn’t even need toast.

    All I’ll say is this post hit home. The trust factor of love is the hardest thing because us as players know how girls REALLY act out there in the clubs, bars, street. It doesn’t help that we’ve probably hooked up with women who have long term boyfriends or knowing you are married and just out for one night. Yeah be expecting an e mail

    Liked by 2 people


  2. “Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

    Liked by 1 person


  3. There’s something in the water today…

    In response to the line “The worst thing to happen to a guy who gets ass regularly is not rejection (after all, rejection is the badge of honor worn by womanizers) but falling in one-sided love. “all I can say is that I think the saddest word in the English language is “Unrequited”.

    Excellent post.

    Liked by 1 person


  4. There are many types of love but I think its safe to say we’re speaking of romantic love. It boggles my mind sometimes. Everybody wants to be in that naturally induced state of euphoric addiction but its never enough is it? Relationships cannot survive on love alone, despite the romantic’s assurances. To hear people speak of it, love is the most astonishing thing in the world but its little more than insanity with a biological purpose. And so, things are broken in frustration at its loss, the imbalance is unsustainable. The body actually induces pain in response to love lost.

    Honestly, I believe most players really don’t want it or are afraid of it. The one great commonality of players, they’ve all been burned badly. That is why so many playing the game lose that one spectacular girl. The game itself takes precedent so you’re blinded by the game and the fear of love. Perhaps one day they will realize its more about relationships, building them, sustaining them, love is only an added bonus but wisdom is a quality rarely seen in players.

    Liked by 1 person


  5. Oh My God.

    That was so honest and beautiful. Three cheers for strong men.

    Liked by 2 people


  6. Love Stinks………Yeah, Yeah!

    Liked by 1 person


  7. “People fall out of love and it is rarely for lofty reasons. A man loves a woman until she gains 50 pounds. A woman loves a man until he loses his job and goes unemployed for months on end.”

    Do you think those cases are really love? Love can’t be turned on and off with a switch, nor can it be won or lost with money or a nice body. It’s the same reason people can be hurt and continue to love someone who’s broken their heart.

    Good post.

    Liked by 1 person


  8. “A man can be all alpha but if he doesn’t cash it in for the ultimate prize he’s revealed the beta at his core.”

    Great line. It’s such a tough jump to make, and being burned never helps. I’m still recovering from allowing myself to get my ass kicked by a girl who “just wasn’t that into me,” which never happens. I can finally engage her in coversation, and even flirt harmlessly (she’s got a BF these days), but that took about two months of freezing it out first to let the wound close. I’ll pick right, and be ready, one of these days …

    Liked by 1 person


  9. I’ve always thought that the ultimate goal of a player is not to even get laid, but to have the girl fall in love with him. I believe that women are often stronger than men because they’ve felt unrequited love more often (maybe I’m wrong). It’s a terrible feeling I hope to never experience, and have avoided by tearing myself away from the relationship preemptively.

    :’-(

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  10. Your first point is true to a certain extent, but I think the answer is much broader than just love. Throughout history people have done as you described, namely, amassed great wealth, conquered the known world, or risked their lives to achieve the allegedly impossible dream, but they didn’t do it just for the love of a woman. They did it for themselves and for the respect of others. Isn’t that what love is? Respect for someone so much that you are willing to give everything you are; to lose yourself in someone else to such an extent that you make yourself truly vulnerable; to surrender your will to theirs unconditionally.

    True love is never based on banal preconditions, although they do often present an opportunity for it to manifest itself. It is only when superficial and external factors such as beauty or money disappear that you can determine whether real love ever really existed. When someone actually honors their marital vows “for richer and for poorer, in sickeness and in health,” that you know they truly loved you. True love grows over time, and ironically, by the time it does the banal preconditions are no longer important.

    In seeming contradiction to what I wrote above, I agree that you can’t “corral as thermonuclear an emotion as love”, but you are capable of channeling it in such a way that your willpower can control it. Control is different than corraling something. It doesn’t mean you don’t love someone, but rather that you don’t let your love for someone control you. The alpha who cashes in his chips for the right woman would be wise to keep control of his love for her. Why? Because while he can control how he feels about her, he can’t control how she feels about him. He must always have the strength to walk away if her love for him proves false. If he doesn’t, then he has give his love (nay, respect) for someone who is unworthy of it. That is the ultimate tragedy.

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  11. […] not because God knows I need good reading material at work. What Roissy wrote on Love is Gospel. I try not to leave the bar without talking to the girl I’ve been checking out all night, I […]

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  12. […] absolutely perfect in every way. I adore her. She’s a few years older than me, which I have come to appreciate because of the maturity and […]

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  13. Sorry chump “love” just like every “emotion” is just chemical reaction in your body and brain. We are just mammals with exceptional brain capability. Alphas know foolish things like love doesn’t exist… goes back to time and how everything including beauty fades.

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  14. Dang the love post only got 13 responses.

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  15. […] 2009 by roissy I get a lot of emails from readers wondering how to “handle” when a woman says she loves you. The question is odd to me, because a woman who is truly in love with you will not suddenly run […]

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  16. […] First love – Insisted on condom. French au pair — Insisted on condom. Rolled it on with her mouth. Bikini girl — No condom. Riotgrrl DJ — Insisted on condom. Library pickup — No condom. Chinese girl — Insisted on condom. Asian girl of indeterminate origin — No condom. Asian girl of painfully tight hole — Insisted on condom. Amelie lookalike — Insisted on condom. Indian girl — Insisted on condom for blowjob (!) but not for sex (!!). Artsy chick (#17 in a series) — Insisted on condom. Cokehead — Insisted on condom. Girl who was beaten by stepdad — Insisted on condom. Ugliest girl I have ever banged — No condom. Hard-charging MBA student — No condom. Best friend of hard-charging MBA student — Insisted on condom. Married Russian chick — No condom. Russian au pair — Insisted on condom. Married Polish chick — No condom. Blonde with boyfriend — No condom. Short brunette with boyfriend — No condom. Bartender 1 — No condom. Bartender 2 — No condom. Bartender 3 — No condom. Stripper — Insisted on condom. Croatian chick — Insisted on condom. Girl with smelly pussy — No condom. Girl with five mangy hamsters for pets — Insisted on condom. Black girl — No condom. NIH nurse — Insisted on condom for round one but dropped insistence for round two. Tomboy — Insisted on condom. Romanian chick — No condom. Preacher’s daughter (for real) — Insisted on condom. Niece of semi-famous politico — Insisted on condom. Blog groupies (6 of 13) — No condom. Girl with furry ass — Insisted on condom. Army girl with smelly ass — No condom. Bulgarian girl — Insisted on condom. Finnish girl — No condom. Turkish girl — No condom. Argentinian girl — Insisted on condom. French girl with the most beautiful name in the world — No condom. Girl who mentioned she was a Mensa member — No condom. Chic Noir — No condom. […]

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  17. I’m surprised this post got so few comments.

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  18. janka “compartmentalizes”, exactly as you say… he said it on national tv

    is he really your alter ego… or maybe just a black and white reflection

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  19. this is gold. strikes a chord

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  20. on November 9, 2009 at 12:47 am gunslingergregi

    ””””””If you aren’t smashing stuff after losing a lover you don’t know the pleasure of relinquishing everything for love.”””””””

    Changed to:

    If you haven’t killed after losing a lover you don’t know the pleasure of relinquishing everything for love.

    or

    Given your life freely in defense of your love.

    ”””””””’Jay Gatsby
    True love is never based on banal preconditions, although they do often present an opportunity for it to manifest itself. It is only when superficial and external factors such as beauty or money disappear that you can determine whether real love ever really existed. When someone actually honors their marital vows “for richer and for poorer, in sickeness and in health,” that you know they truly loved you. True love grows over time, and ironically, by the time it does the banal preconditions are no longer important.
    ”””””””’

    No conditions = love
    Descision to love
    Descision to never give up
    Descision to be a team vs the world
    More than just chemicals although they sure as fuck help if those are aligned perfectly but a descision of will to do something that is to love action verb type.

    ”””””””’Irina
    I’ve always thought that the ultimate goal of a player is not to even get laid, but to have the girl fall in love with him. I believe that women are often stronger than men because they’ve felt unrequited love more often (maybe I’m wrong). It’s a terrible feeling I hope to never experience, and have avoided by tearing myself away from the relationship preemptively.

    :’-(
    ”””””””’

    Unrequited love for woman is because they place themselves in situations that they think they will win. They get with a guy who is a married man who says hes gonna be leaving and think their pussy is gonna be the one that is magic more so than the other chick and the dude will stay with them and they can feel special because they broke up a marriage and got to fuck over another chick.
    But really I think the chick I am with has a good attitude on the unrequitted love. She says shes gonna enjoy me while she can. Good attitude lol

    Like


  21. great post. bump

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  22. on May 10, 2010 at 6:10 pm rEvolutionaryLover

    Roissy,

    Been bumping around your blog now for a couple of months–I am the proverbial long-time reader, first time commenter.

    There are many, many posts of great value for virtually all modern men. This one takes top honors in my book.

    Lots and lots of players learn game, swing big dick, and hit some tight, sweet ladies. Few, however, learn to play long ball. For that, one must be able to surrender to love. It takes a true warrior to have that kind of courage, to live with that kind of abandon. Passion, energy, the live fire burning in the heart (the ultimate source of the loin’s hellacious fire), its highest evolutionary drive is to be consummated in love.

    That said, there’s a very, very fine line.. it is Col. Kurtz’s snake, slithering over the edge of a razor…how does one learn to abandon one’s self to love, to give over to those waves of pleasure, letting go of state control, while still maintaining enough alpha frame to steer & guide the relationship?

    My sense is that it comes from deep and abiding confidence in one’s self, and an ability to surrender so completely to the impulse of falling in love that one crawls inside it, harnesses its energy, pushing and guiding the ‘falling’ energy, cultivating love & desire in a way that *reinforces* the alpha masculine. It is loving terribly, fiercely, ravashingly, so that your heart breaks open and that anguish feeds the fires of love. If she’s the real deal, she’ll eat that shit up like so much Godiva dark chocolate, and the Mother of all Gina Tingles will shake her to her very marrow.

    Keep rocking the Chateau.
    That is all.

    Like


  23. Rock on! I love the part about the fragility of womanizers.

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  24. Great post. I always imagined ‘love’ to be about the big-ticket items, like diamond rings, commitment, etc…

    But it’s really about the little things…here’s what my last GF wrote to me…

    . And I SOOO wanted to see you last night, to have you hold me, kiss me, laugh with me, wake up with me and enjoy some time with me. I love the way you kiss my forehead when we watch movies on the couch. I love the way you tickle my armpits when we kiss. I love the way you grab my knee as your rocking out in the truck. I love how you laugh when I say something completely stupid (“purse needs to be big enough to hold panties and a condom”). I love the fact that you sleep so soundly in my bed. I love the glass of water you bring me after we have sex. I love how you like to “shine ’em up” in the shower.

    Absolutely nothing there about roses, candy, jewelry, anything like that.

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  25. […] of us who are honest with ourselves can admit that there is a difference between what I like to call “recreational sex” and the sex […]

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