Hey Sexy Baby Is That Pepper Spray?

The Washington City Paper has an article about DC’s eligible bachelors — the guys who catcall women on the street.

Of course, it’s not the catcalling (or the flirting or the leering or whatever) that’s the problem; it’s who’s doing it.  If [insert favorite male actor/rockstar] were to Ay, Mami! women in the bar or on the street, they’d shoot out of their capris like a Slip ‘n Slide.  Verbal harassment is a subjective experience, even if you have to go way out to the margins to find the subjectivity.  The same thing happens to men, too, although to a much smaller degree since men are inherently less protective of their sexual dignity.  It gets annoying real fast for a guy when the drunk fat chick starts pawing his chest and thigh and whispering in his ear what she’d do to him with her crisco and dildo machine.  Substitute “fat chick” with “random hot chick” or, hell, “average chick without leprosy”, and he’d welcome the harassment.

Given that most guys (especially the ones in Mount Pleasant) don’t possess the sexual capital of movie stars to pick up girls with primitive catcalling, it’s a wonder why guys even bother trying it.  Of all the pick up methods, I can’t think of any worse than blurting out Hey hey sexy baby! at a passing woman.  It’s right up there with flashing, anonymous love letters, and CL missed connections.  Since the women in the article hint that the majority of catcallers are non-white I can only assume that these guys get more positive reactions from non-white women, which encourages them to try it on everyone.  They soon learn what they’re up against.  Like this professional catcaller, Rudy Contreras, says:

“It’s tough in D.C.,” he says. “Especially with white girls. They are stuck up, man. Bitches.”

It is tough in DC, Rudy, it is.  But you’re going to have to bring sharper skills than that if you want to bag a trophy prey.  A part of me welcomes these stupidly crass comeons because they make me look so much better in comparison, but it’s a double edged sword.  Women who are frequent recipients of catcalls will harden themselves with 24/7 bitch shields at maximum deflection power, so when a genuine guy like myself comes along who only wants to jizz all over them get to know the real person inside my job is that much more difficult.

With the 40 year old feminist and sexual revolutions now metastasized into every fiber of the culture, women have to realize that they have sacrificed some privileges that are never returning without a rollback of their liberation ideology.  Chivalry really is dead.  Men see no reason to extend themselves for self-sufficient, egotistical women they aren’t fucking, and those few male holdouts who do make a stand for the old ways soon learn to their dismay that chivalry won’t earn them the modern woman’s sexual attraction — in fact, just the opposite.  Chivalry is the unsexy handmaiden of the perpetual loser in love.  And so the gollums of the street feel free to harass at will, knowing that Sir Lancelots are few and far between these days.

The flock of young women to the atomized urban jungle practically made harassment a foregone conclusion.  In smaller communities where everyone knows each other’s business and social connections are less tenuous than in the fractured social scene of the city a woman’s father, brothers, male cousins, and uncles would corner the perp with a warning first, a silverback beatdown next.  Who’ll speak for her in DC?  Her male “friends”?  Ha.  All those guys are angling to get in her pants.  They’re just less obvious about it than the catcallers.

Reading some of the quotes from the women complaining about street harassment is illuminating, in ways I’m sure they didn’t intend.  At least half of the women saw fit to mention what they were wearing when they got verbally accosted:

Late night, walking from car to apartment: From across street, from a guy getting out of his car, hear grunts, kissy noise, and the popular low-pitched “beauuuutiful.” I have on jeans, sneaks, puffy winter coat. Puffy winter coat.

These women are revealing a deep-seated understanding that, yes, what they wear will have some impact on how men react to them.  She is surprised a “puffy winter coat” didn’t stop a guy from whistling at her.  I doubt she’ll ever contemplate the direction her logic necessarily takes her — that revealing clothing will attract more unwanted male attention.

My suggestion for the omegas:  Deliver your catcalling in Italian, the language of love.  You can say just about anything in Italian and make her feel like the most special woman in the world.

[Italian]Let us make beautiful anal music together, and with my hot seed injection you will bring forth a buttbaby.[/Italian]

Spend some time crafting the perfect pitch.  She’ll appreciate the effort.


  1. Wow, according to Rudy I’m a stuck up bitch. I wonder how many women he pulls with his mad catcalling skillz. There is nothing more annoying than having a random man in a car spew out sexually explicite comments while you’re going about your merry little way. Call me a prude, call me old-fashioned, but I actually feel sick and violated inside after the fact (despite how frequently it happens).


  2. on June 26, 2007 at 4:41 pm Steve Lurkel

    Catcallers make me sad…it’s like trying to use WWI artillery in a modern day war.


  3. Alright, my inner snob will comment on this post and he says, “catcalling is common among men of the lower classes, possessing little education, and quite possibly low intelligence which present natural barriers to the development of game.” This has been a message from the inner snob and the left leaning ivy league institutions from which he came do not bare any responsibility for such comments.


  4. Yo my mans TAN hit on this subject all the way up in DC, It’s about to start a riot for realz. He shout me out but I think you should read it and see it from the darker skin angle


    But your post was funny as hell too, keep killing em softly or er analy


  5. You write as if catcalling is some new development. For Christ’s sakes, it’s been going on for decades. Some construction worker probably catcalled your great-great grandmother as she walked down the street in 1925.


  6. Yeah, I can’t get behind this article at all. Maybe it’s that I moved here after having lived in Mediterranean Europe and North Africa (Note to Kim: You will NOT be able to handle Morocco), or maybe it’s that (despite being tall, blonde, and reasonably attractive) I can’t remember one instance of having been legitimately harassed on the streets of DC. Maybe it’s that I’m not so sensitive to sexualized attention that I bristle at every obviously ridiculous attempt to turn my head. Or maybe– as suggested by the example of another (tall, blonde) woman in the story– men in DC just have a preference for petite brunettes.

    Look, I’m not saying I’ve never wanted to stick my pen in a dude’s eye after experiencing a barrage of catcalls (though never in this country). But the fact of human nature remains that if you’re interesting to look at, people are always going to look at you, and sometimes they’re going to try to get you to acknowledge them, too. So I think every woman should figure out her own standard response to life’s Eager Beavers (EBs)–whether it’s popping in headphones, throwing an icy glare, flashing a minimal smile, or dismissively shaking her head– because even a sex-coma revolution will not blind people to the kind of milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard.

    So, Kim: instead of meticulously maintaining your daily fashion/harassment log, how about you start calling a few of these guys on their bothersome behavior? If you’re all about changing paradigms, don’t just stand by and bitch to the WASPy CityPaper readership about your sexist victimization.



  7. Street game is an art lost on 95% of guys I see attempt it. Using “do you have a man” as an opener is just retarded. Though I have a feeling the 16 y/o’s will be okay in a couple years.


  8. nikita – yeah, i was going to say that the solution to unwanted catcalling is one consumerist word: ipod.


  9. Nikita PLEASE start your own blog edgamacate these women… and if you do please call it

    “preach it girlfriend”


  10. Who cares? Be nice to the guys, that’s all. They’re only human. In fact, half the time all they want is for you to give THEM some attention, since they’re at the bottom of the American sexing totem pole. It’s harmless.


  11. Nikita, before your critize the author for not calling her harassers out you should read the whole article: http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/display.php?id=1852

    The author does, in fact, say that on more than one occasion she has retaliated, to little effect. The following is only one example:

    [Perhaps street harassment really is just an aggressive form of flirting. It must be to some people, because some men don’t understand how rude, wrong, and frightening harassment is. Some even wish women would return the favor: “Hey, nice package!” Many people do not get that harassment is a serious problem. They think I should be flattered, which I guess…Yeah! Hey, you’re right. A stranger’s, “Girl you are so sexy, come here, hey where are you going,” should definitely be responded to with a feeling of pride in my heart and maybe a blowjob. Apparently I’m wrong to fantasize about punching a harasser in the face. I mean, come on—be appreciative of the men who validate your self-worth for you. It’s just a compliment, right? Calm down, harpy!

    Well, I guess I would if I weren’t feeling annoyed, threatened, and scared. The tone of most harassment is very hostile. Sometimes it escalates to full-on yelling. I’ve been grabbed and groped. Even a more innocuous “compliment” is still kind of weird—why are you talking to me out of nowhere? And the carful of men who circled the block to find and yell at me weren’t the first to intimidate me from inside a vehicle. I’ve had men slow down their cars to match the pace of my walking, so that they could lean out the window and—I don’t know, try to convince me to get in? What the fuck? Those guys are hard to ignore. I usually keep it up until I can’t anymore, but I have flipped out and yelled: “Drive your fucking car! GO!” This is usually when I get called a—you guessed it—bitch. Sometimes they call me fat or ugly, too, which makes perfect sense considering I was one hot mama not 10 seconds earlier.]


  12. What a lot of you guys don’t realize is that in many cultures and many places in the world, including ones, say, a little further South where most of the above-mentioned construction workers come from, cat-calling, whistling and what-not is considered a compliment, not harassment. Go down to Panama and you’ll wonder if they ship the cars from the factory with catcall whistles pre-installed. Women who respond rudely are insulting someone who was trying to pay a genuine compliment. It’s part of the process of assimilation to learn that in America, you don’t praise a woman by loudly proclaiming the attractiveness of her backside from half a block away. Judging by the fact that after a hundred years or so the Italians have almost got this figured out, it’s a lock that more recent immigrant groups will nail it in no time flat.

    Irina has the right attitude. Responding with something playful back, instead of a middle finger and a slur, is not going to be taken as an invitation for a back-alley tryst. Shed a little light of human kindness out there, ladies.


  13. kimberly klinger was the author’s name of one of those city paper articles on catcalling. i’m gonna guess she’s of germanic/scandinavian ethnicity. these northern euro chicks are the worst sort of angry feminists with chips on their shoulders. even the ones born and raised in the US. such a stick up her ass. can you just imagine meeting this woman in a bar, all her knotted-up issues with men coming out in a deluge because you deigned to say hello. perfect spinsterhood candidate.


  14. on July 12, 2007 at 10:20 pm Days of Broken Arrows


    Well-written piece.

    My guess is that Klinger is a Jewish name. Virtually every one of the first feminists was Jewish and this has trickled down to their granddaighters. Also, she’s written articles defending prostitution as a “choice” — a favorite topic of third wave feminists (ie everything women want to do in the sexual arena is a “choice,” while everything men want to do is a “crime).

    Finally, the City Paper piece got her branded as racist. Here she is defending herself.http://dontbesilent3.blogspot.com/2007/06/statement-from-kimberly-klinger.html