T-Shirt Contest

A reader suggested I sell game-inspired T-shirts on my blog through an affiliate program with cafepress. I like it. Here are some ideas my reader had:


no betas greekno betas

My ideas for the T-shirts would include personal favorite quotes from my posts, like these:

Nerd = Fat Woman
Hate is as natural as Love
Status Is Everything
Your sexual market value is overpriced.
Kitten at night, cougar in the morning.
I don’t give a shit what you do for a living.
Chick with dick = lawyer.
Celibacy = Metadeath.
Chicks dig power.
Guys dig beauty.
Marriage is a raw deal.

Or I could go hipster ironic:

I’m a beta.
I’m holding out for an alpha.
(for da ladies)
I’ll be your provider beta. (for da guys)
I fall for game. (also for da ladies)
My dating market value is greater omega.
Cuckold me. It’s in your genes.


The floor is open.

Update: Arjewtino recommended a T-shirt wording contest. Winner receives a free T-shirt and recognition in a blog post. Imagine the fame!


  1. You should hold a contest for best t-shirt wording suggestion. The winner would get a free t-shirt and shout-out in a blog post.


  2. fag


  3. Yer wimmins’ shirt’s got no rack, Jack.


  4. How about:



  5. How about:

    Smile if you want to fuck me.

    Evil is the greatest Good.


  6. on June 13, 2008 at 3:50 pm Anne Onymous

    Women’s shirt is clever.

    Of these taglines, the last made me laugh, though I’d go cheap pun FTW: “Cuckold me. It’s in your jeans.” The others aren’t quite snappy enough.


  7. on June 13, 2008 at 3:58 pm Anne Onymous

    Contest? I’ll play. Design for the politically conscious hipstress in your life …

    Front: “I’m a feminist.”
    Back: “Punish me with a baby.”


  8. You’re not there yet with this blog – nobody will get all the clever references. It took you over a year to get 1 million hits? People just aren’t reading you in large enough numbers yet…


  9. Anne — That’s the funniest, most right on thing I’ve read in a while. Bwaaaahahahahahahahahhaha


  10. on June 13, 2008 at 5:05 pm Johnny Alpha

    “Beta Male Provider, Alpha Male Decider”


  11. Just make the, “stop cockblock in 08” T for me …… Xtra medium please

    That is all


  12. Or my Ironic Hipster version would be…..

    “I’ve got good credit”


  13. I like “stop cockblock in ’08,” cause we need to mobilize like fucking Darfur on that shit.

    I would have suggested “show me your genitals” but with all the gays in NYC that’s like begging for headaches.

    “feminism sucks, and it gets me laid”


  14. “Marriage: Just Say NO.”


  15. on June 13, 2008 at 7:38 pm Usually Lurking

    You need to lose weight.


  16. on June 13, 2008 at 7:40 pm Usually Lurking

    You’re not a victim.


  17. on June 13, 2008 at 7:45 pm Gunslingergregi

    Front “First came sex then came marriage then came”
    Back “18 Years of Slavery to the divorce machine”

    Front “I beat my sentence”
    Back “18 Years Paid in full”

    Front “I beat my sentence”
    Back “Thank God for paternity tests”

    Front “Crime: I had a drunken one night stand with a she beast”
    Back “Sentence: 18 years to life”

    Front “I make the descisions in my marriage”
    Back “My wife lives in another country”


  18. Game is for losers.


  19. “Marry a kitten,
    Not a cougar”

    Include a pic of a cute college coed that has a single kitten smiling and brushing against her calf. She is beside a crone with five mangy cats climbing over her.

    “Marry before you hit The Wall”

    Include a pic of the mangy cat woman above.

    I suggest making these girls’ t-shirts. Cougars and other delusional women would take some notice if a man wore them, but nothing triggers their “wtf is going on?” instinct like a supposed sister rubbing it in their faces how little they’ve got to offer.

    This is something that younger girls are hardwired to do, by the way — cutting older women down to size, though typically their mother or schoolteacher. And by emphasizing the superiority of younger girls, these t-shirts would do well among this age group since it’s free flattery, like an “I’m so hot” t-shirt, but a bit more subtle.

    Imagine a 22 y.o. wearing one in a bar / club where the average person is 30. She’d have to be a tough chick to wear it, admittedly. You’d hear lots of “Now don’t be jealous just because your days are over” and other preludes to girl fights.


  20. “Not a nice guy”


  21. Nice guys come in my mouth.


  22. on June 13, 2008 at 9:35 pm Usually Lurking

    Oh, Sara stole my thunder…

    Nice Guys Finish Last.

    I Finish On Your Face.


  23. adding to UL’s

    You’re not a victim…You’re a volunteer


  24. Front: Betas rule!!
    Back: Whatever’s left over

    For the Cougars: Cougars are just well liked kittens at heart

    For the Kittens: Cougars are just well used kittens downstairs

    Alphas: I voted for Bukake Yo Moma (Please make this Xtra Medium for VK and Arjewtino since he forgot to register.)


  25. Where’s Peter? I want one that says “Glorious Natural Pelt.” I’d wear that to the hipster bars for sure. Then again, I wear the Pump and Dump shirt to the grocery store.

    I’ll have to crank up MS Paint for a better idea.


  26. For women:
    “Game Killer”
    from a drink that will definitely kill your game after a few


  27. on June 13, 2008 at 11:18 pm osama ben linus

    @23 hahahahahaha! brilliant!


  28. I can’t imagine anything more consummately beta than walking around with a t-shirt proclaiming yourself “ALPHA,” or emblazoned with some lame sexual pun. None of these will help anyone’s game one bit. For that, I’d suggest a faded t-shirt cryptically referencing some interesting travel/party destination (“SLM Reykjavik ’06 — Gott og farsælt komandi ár!” “Paolo’s Monte Video,” etc.). Or for sheer cheeky humor value, “P. Diddy’s White Party 2007!” or perhaps a polo with the Skull and Bones escutcheon (and name, of course) tastefully knitted on the breast.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. I’ve got one!

    Front: “Hey you!”

    Back: “Your way to ugly to be with her!”




  31. 27 Jewcano

    “Where’s Peter? I want one that says “Glorious Natural Pelt.” ”

    I love that. If I had the balls, I’d wear it.


  32. Women’s Front:

    “Serial Cockblocker”


  33. I’d just be happy with a shirt that has that cool banner art that your blog sports.


  34. A reader suggested you sell t-shirts? Is it perhaps the reality that this is your idea that you didn’t want to own up to for its self-indulgent lameness?

    I don’t object to what you advocate most of the time, but you’re clearly a fiction writer parading as the real thing. What’s funny is how many people seem to believe in your crafted persona.


  35. Alpha > Beta

    with this quote below it.

    “To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.”

    –George Orwell

    Or you could use this one:

    “Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act.”

    –George Orwell


  36. Or put the quote on the back.


  37. Cruel to be kind right?

    “You looked better when you were 23”


  38. I love feminism. The easy chicks it produces compensates greatly for all the fat and ugly chicks.

    When I want a different woman around I switch to my other hand while watching You Porn.

    For the all the Wing Men out there, this shirt’s for you:

    If I wanted your opinion, I’d look up past your third chin and give it to you.

    Really!!! You like cats, embroidery, and collecting knick knacks. You were made for spinsterhood, accept it.

    I’m here because I have to be, NOT because I want to be.

    Of course, I think you’re funny. You look like that and think I could like you. That’s hilarious!

    You owe me BIG!

    I took on a stank-breath, 300-pound, mud turtle for 4 hours when I could have hit on supermodels and all I got from my friend was this lousy t-shirt.


  39. 20 Agnostic

    “Imagine a 22 y.o. wearing one in a bar / club where the average person is 30. She’d have to be a tough chick to wear it, admittedly. You’d hear lots of “Now don’t be jealous just because your days are over” and other preludes to girl fights.”

    Dream on.


  40. on June 14, 2008 at 9:13 am johnny five

    kill all this verbal noise; the front of the shirt should just show this.

    or even just the icon on the top right.


  41. on June 14, 2008 at 1:18 pm SovereignAmericanMale

    Where there is passion, there are t-shirts.

    Where there is passion, there are ways to express that passion to others, with t-shirts and bumper stickers and mugs as the primary vehicle. Does this mean that we want the t-shirts because we have passion for these things? Obviously, yes. But what if there’s something even more interesting here… what if some part of why we’re passionate is because of the t-shirts? And no I don’t mean that we choose what to believe in simply because it’s got a cool t-shirt (although, there’s some shred of truth in that. I chose to run my first marathon, despite being in no way trained for it, because I HAD to have the t-shirt, and that was the only way to get one). What if the availability (and quality) of these “pride items” help to reinforce and build on the passion we have the potential for developing?

    Remember, a big part of passion is connecting with others who share that passion. And showing your support/enthusiasm/belief is an element of what makes you a member of the group. By sporting the shirt, you belong.

    So to those who see this as just one more terrible example of American consumerism — worshipping the corporate logo gods — I think that’s missing the bigger point. It doesn’t matter if it’s a company, or a sport, or a cause. The “pride items” are about announcing some small piece of who you are to the world. Think of how much you can learn about a person just from those two things. What, for example, does it tell you about someone if they have a “Bush/Cheney” sticker on their car vs. a Peta decal? What does it tell you if they’re wearing a Betty Rides snowboard shirt vs. a “No I won’t fix your computer” shirt from Think Geek?

    Guy Kawasaki (the original Mac evangelist for Apple) said it in his 1992 book Selling the Dream: make the t-shirt before you make the product.

    If you’re a team lead, project manager, open source evangelist… make the t-shirt. If you’re promoting a business, service, supporting a cause… make the t-shirt. And the more subversive, the better. If the t-shirt is for internal use only, see how far you can push before marketing or legal steps in. The more maverick the shirt, the more valued it becomes. At Sun, for example, there was always somebody trying to make an underground, unapproved shirt featuring the Java mascot Duke. If you were lucky enough to get one, that meant something.

    I know…it’s just a f*ckin’ shirt. How can a t-shirt mean something? Think about it. Go look in your closet. Go look in your garage. How many special t-shirts are you holding onto for sentimental reasons? Be honest. How often have you lusted after someone else’s limited edition shirt? If you’re really honest, you’ll remember the time you “borrowed” someone else’s special t-shirt and “forgot” to give it back.


  42. on June 14, 2008 at 1:43 pm SovereignAmericanMale

    PS… the shirt

    Licking the moans out of you…

    one OMG after another


  43. “I’m sleeping with your XV year old daughter”


  44. “Oh you’re a feminist? That’s adorable…”

    “Run along now…. man talk”

    Forget where I heard the first, 2nd is James Bond.

    IMO, url on the back is not a classy move. I wouldn’t wear it.

    I really like the black shirt with the alpha sign on it, maybe remove the word “alpha” underneath it though.


  45. on June 14, 2008 at 9:06 pm SovereignAmericanMale

    another cheap and tasteless…


    My dropout thug son…


    knocked up your
    Honor Roll Daughter


  46. Brevity being the soul of wit, my earlier suggestion reads better as:

    “You peaked at 23”

    Because I care deeply about all the cougars toiling away out there, this shirt ought to help level the playing field for them.

    “I’m a kitten where it counts”

    As a general suggestion, I think that you’d find greater sales using t-shirts with a white background and black lettering compared to the reverse.


  47. Marriage – Just say No


  48. Yeah, saw that Obama ass slap on t.v. too….gangsta shit.


  49. 51 Alpha or Beta

    On whether Obama is alpha or beta. Neither; he’s narcissist.


  50. Yawn. Now, if Hilary slapped the ass of that hot Brown girl aid of hers…


  51. on June 15, 2008 at 5:52 pm Alpha or Beta

    Barack telling people to “lay off his wife” is alpha male behaviour.


  52. I have to agree with you on Barack. I mean, Obama is narcissistic? Hell yeah, Aren’t all Alpha narcissistic? Hahaha. check out this photoSlapping your wife’s ass in public is alpha, slapping your wife’s ass in public while running for president is Super Alpha.(let us face it, how many will dare slap their wife ass in public while running for president?). Obama ass slap is definitely alpha. So was his sublimal Jay Z’s pimp reference of brushing off the Clinton in Raleigh, NC. That’s alpha dog shit.


  53. Betas clean up my scraps.


  54. 56 Stone

    Slapping your wife’s ass in public is overall kind of dumb. I don’t think that really qualifies as a PDA. My opinion is the reverse of yours. Slapping your wife’s ass in public when running for president is beyond stupid. Calling it “super-alpha” is delusional.


  55. You’d think that masters of game would be able to come up with mildly witty t-shirt slogans. But you’d be wrong, all of these suggestions have been painfully lame.

    Liked by 1 person

  56. How about

    Destroying America, One Woman at a Time


  57. Happy Hour: Giving Cougars a chance since 1953!