The Class Clown Puts Her in the Mood

…for laughing. 

I’m not a fan of goofball humor to attract girls.   She’ll laugh her way straight into a platonic friendship with you.  This is especially true during the critical first few minutes of meeting her when you are trying to get her to ponder the possibility of sleeping with you.  Droll, clever humor, dispensed sparingly, is more effective.  Playful humor, or teasing, turns girls on as well.  Acting like a clown and constantly joking sends a subliminal message to the sex centers of her brain — He’s trying too hard.  He must be desperate for female attention.

Self-deprecating humor is the worst kind.  Only men possessing the traits that women love can afford to knock themselves down in a humorous fashion.  It’s similar to the way wealthy men make sure their philanthropy is reported in the press; it’s a status display that is very attractive to women because it shows he is financially secure enough to absorb a hit to his resources.  For most men, though, self-deprecation is beta.

Cheesy humor has its place.  It can often work quite well as an opener under the right circumstances.  It won’t work in clubs, where loud music and physical jostling compete for a girl’s attention, and where she is already smiling and expecting to be hit on.  There, your humor will strike her as a lame come-on.  But out on the street, or in a store, during the daytime, weird humor can win you an audition with her.  She’s not expecting to be approached, she’s probably in a hurry somewhere, so an offbeat line will put a smile on her face.  Distracting a girl from her orderly existence is the first step to fornication.  Some lines I have used:

I *love* the way you pour ice cubes into a glass.  [spoken to a female bartender]

You jaywalk with a certain grace.  [girl had crossed intersection and was standing next to me]

Is there a groom magazine?  I can’t get enough of weddings!  [to girl reading Bridal Magazine in bookstore.  she was single]

Did you just undress me with your eyes?  I feel violated.  [to seamstress measuring a suit for me]

My puppy ran away with the poolboy.  Will you give me a new one?  You don’t want to see me cry.  [to Adopt-A-Pet girl showing shelter animals on sidewalk]

Rearrange these five straws into something round.  [straws are lined up side by side]  But you can only move two of them.  [waitress makes attempt and fails]  Here, let me show you.  [I move two straws and make the word TIT]

Slow down!  You deserve a chance to check me out.  [to girl walking quickly towards me]

I know the girls reading this right now are thinking “if a guy said that to me, I would laugh at him, not with him” but reading about pick up lines on a blog is not the same as hearing it in real time when it’s totally unexpected.  Nevertheless, you don’t want to be a stand-up comedian.  Those guys are entertainers, not seducers.  I wouldn’t use dorky humor as a general purpose opener.  It has limited application.  The classic openers — asking for her opinion on female-friendly topics, situational observations, flirty cockiness — are staples.  They’ll work in almost any scenario.

If you are a woman with a great sense of humor (you do exist, somewhere) I suggest you hide it during the first few dates with a guy.  Most men are intimidated by women they’re dating who are funnier than them.  And intimidated guys don’t satisfy sexually.





Comments


  1. The unexpected cheesy lines will only work if the woman finds you attractive. I’ve had much older, fat, ugly, generally creepy looking men try those kind of lines from me and all they get is a weak smile as I run off as fast as I can.
    You’re right about the flirty cockiness, playful/teasing humor > class clown antics
    Self-deprication will only highlight your flaws.
    Good post.

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  2. mm does make a good point. I believe height, symmetry, fitness, all the trappings of a man’s physical attractiveness can be an asset that gives one’s game either latitude or leverage. It is the elephant in the room, rarely discussed. However, the combination of tight game, physical attractiveness, and resources (read: finances), is as deadly as Mei Pei’s five point palm exploding heart technique.

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  3. Shit…that’s Pei Mei, not the other way around.

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  4. Eddie Murphy back in the day RULED THE WORLD….

    I don’t know how I get away with it but I think DF is on to something if you’re attractive you can pretty much say anything and get away with it like…..

    “want some dick?”

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  5. But Roissy, you’re a handsome guy and can get away with any kind of pickup line, really. You could be goofy, sarcastic, self-deprecating, and women would still respond favorably to you. The delivery is not nearly as important as the delivery-man himself.

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  6. I LOVE guys who can make me laugh, but I agree — not in a class-clown, tries-too-hard sort of way. I don’t, however, think that a guy has to be super attractive for humor to work. Even if he’s not the most handsome or debonair, humor might just be the thing that wins me over. That or drinks. Whichever.

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  7. Yeah, attractiveness is key. Women aren’t as different from men as they like to think in their automatic responses to attractiveness cues. The most important function of an opening line is to give a woman an excuse to talk to a man she would at some level like to approach anyway.

    Also, the last paragraph seems off. I don’t think men find humor intimidating, unless it’s particularly sarcastic and aggressive (i.e. signals that the woman is kind of a bitch).

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  8. If all of the aforementioned is already going for you, I’d say a well-timed melodramatic delivery of almost any Anchorman/Swingers pickup line should also elicit a laugh.

    Unless she’s deaf and/or foreign. Then you might have to think of something original.

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  9. I’m the one who’ll tell you I’d laugh at you if you threw one of those lines at me though I understand your point about being taken off guard. I’d be flattered, but pick up lines were never my thing. But then again, laughter is some sort of reaction, so even if she does laugh at your pick up line you got her attention.

    It’s what you say -after- the pick up line that determines whether she’ll keep talking to you.

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  10. I decided some examples would be helpful to illustrate my point. Any of the following will do:

    “Hey, I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back… [Insert your own proposition here– e.g. ‘I want you to teach me how to dance like that,’ or ‘Can I take a bite of your sundae?’]”
    “I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal.”
    “I’m in a glass case of emotion.”
    “The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show… and see if she likes the goods.”
    “Don’t act like you’re not impressed.”
    “I don’t normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking… hiney. I mean, that thing’s good. I wanna be friends with it.”
    “A malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it.”
    “I want you to remember this face here, OK? This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.”

    [NB: Automatic points if you play jazz flute and/or coordinate with several of your friends to reenact a slo-mo Reservoir Dogs entrance/exit… Surely I’m not asking too much here.]

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  11. vk – back in college i had a buddy, good-looking guy with serious silverback aura, whose game was running around the club and opening every girl with a big smile and “wanna fuck?” this SOB got laid every time. 1 out of 10 girls would take him up on his offer. nobody handled rejection better than him. inner game, man. that’s where it’s at.

    freckled – without game, confidence, and follow-up, looks on men are wasted. i won’t deny looks matter some, but i can tell you from personal experience that once i figured out how to game the system my results shot up tenfold.

    nikita – all good choices (except i’d never ask a girl to teach me anything). i just used this line today in the elevator with a new cute co-worker. “i hate to think i’m the type of guy who flirts with girls in elevators, but… yeah, i’m that guy. hi.”

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  12. once again, you’re that guy.

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  13. Pfft, humour would not work on me because I’d probably walk quickly past in a) fear b) incomprehension. It often takes me a few seconds to process verbal information, especially if I’m not paying attention (I did use that line in class, once, and that’s when I realised I was basically saying ‘I’m not listening’).

    [rant]
    Urgh, I have this friend who is with this guy because, mainly, he is the class clown (she went through a tough time, so she needed laughter. Then the asshole decides he’ll make her feel awful all the time and she’s stupid enough to stay with it). And he gets louder and more vulgar the more his emotions are not in equilibrium. The boy acts so detestably with her, I just want to punch him out. He’s with her for the sex and I’d rather guys like that would just go through a lot of women with being with them just one night except dragging out a relationship with stupid juvenile words like ‘I love you’. If you say ‘I love you’, you better mean it, not ‘I’m in lust with you, but I think that’s love and I’m an idiot. I will now proceed to show my ‘love’ by being a dick’.

    So, yes. Don’t lead her on. Get what you want if she’s stupid enough to go for it then dump her. Thank you. Continue operating at the no-strings policy. Run away. Fast. FAST.
    [/rant]

    Excessive humour does not usually signify much about the male indulging in it. Constant attempts at humor will also probably result in a definite ‘miss’ (i.e. dude, that was so totally stupid and not funny *smiles politely anyway*).

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  14. on June 22, 2007 at 10:25 pm de tocqueville

    I wonder why it is always the man’s role to be the court jester, entertainer, class clown?

    Why do men never list “she has to make me laugh” in their 10 list of traits?

    Are there truly funny women out there? I don’t mean someone who just has a sense of humor (i.e., they can recognize humor but not create it). I think Christopher Hitchens wrote a Vanity Fair article about why women aren’t funny but he’s so erudite that half of it went right by me.

    I want the woman to make me laugh. Juggle or something, b*tch! [Faux male chauvinism]

    I can’t think of a funny female comedian. DeGeneres is witty and may elicit a chuckle. Fey is clever; Silverman pushes the envelope. But who else?

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  15. If you are, as mm puts it, “older, fat, ugly, generally creepy”, the only pickup line that’s going to get any pull is going to be along the lines of “I make more money than France.” Your first impression is your appearance, and chances are that gets processed long before your comeon. This is especially the case in a crowded street/club/grocery store/protest riot where it’ll probably take the chick a coupla seconds to parse your verbs anyway.

    Roissy, your statement about the man who plays the numbers game is a different story entirely. Men who play the odds get plenty but they tend to get quantity over quality. Good if you’re looking for a notch, and great for building experience, but the kind of people who need experience wouldn’t have the scones to do this anyway.

    Nikita, your lines are ass-horrible. Never ask a woman how to pick up women, whatever they tell you is inevitably dead wrong. Plus, pop-culture references sound extra lame if you’ve never seen whatever movies you pulled those lines from.

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  16. Nikita was joking. All those lines are from the movie Anchorman.

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  17. Wit is hot. Everything else is like, “okay, please stop”. Again, if he’s attractive enough, who cares if he’s using a lame line? I certianly don’t!

    Also…
    “If you are a woman with a great sense of humor (you do exist, somewhere) I suggest you hide it during the first few dates with a guy. Most men are intimidated by women they’re dating who are funnier than them. And intimidated guys don’t satisfy sexually.”

    Oops! I’ve failed this one.

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  18. Jewcano has an advantage with women because he clearly does not have a sense of humor.

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  19. […] -Using cheesy humor. […]

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  20. Bullshit. Just ’cause Mystery doesn’t like self-deprecating humour doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work.

    A study came out a few months ago saying that SDH works great. I’m too lazy to find it now, but I bet you $50 Roissy that I can find it and that you’ll be convinced.

    I was out w my ex GF and a couple. The other girl asked why ex GF and I had broken up. I told her it was because I had a tiny penis. She told me later that she knew I was lying and she was thinking about my cock all night.

    Is SDH bad? If that’s all you got, or mostly what you use then ya. Use it no more than 25% of the time and you’re gold.

    elChief

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  21. […] – alpha pump and dumps and beta providers and how women react to each type of man – negs (AKA teasing) as a pivotal component of successful courtships – the never-ending cycle of female shit testing – the flame-out of male shit test failing – forcing closeness before attraction is built – the near impossibility of reviving a woman’s love after it has been squandered by beta behavior – the deviousness of a woman’s female friends – the well-poisoning that ensues when a woman gains higher social status than her husband – the absolute irrelevancy of children to influence the modern woman with regard to her relationship choices – the influence of competitor alpha males on a woman’s relationship trajectory – the misguided idealism and romanticism of kind-hearted men – the utter cluelessness of kind-hearted men about the nature of women – the brute self-denial men practice when they project their romanticism onto women – the inability of women to understand — let alone control — their own maelstrom of emotions – the wisdom of the 2/3rds rule when expressing sentiments of love – the recklessness and stupidity with which the lower classes careen in and out of relationships – how easily unenlightened men are blindsided by women’s biomachinations – how easily women can be bedded with simple charm – how complimenting a woman can turn her off – how a failing relationship can cause a man to forget what he did to attract the woman – how a man can lose his sense of self when he allows himself to be defined by the strength of his LTR or marriage – the foolishness of pursuing a relationship with a single mom – and the tingle-killer of excessive self-deprecation. […]

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