I Was an Attractive Woman for an Hour

I was standing around with Zeets at one of my favorite clubs when I was approached by a girl who immediately chatted me up.  I thought, here was an opportunity that doesn’t fall in my lap every day.

Unfortunately, the girl who opened me was fat and pig-faced.  And slightly inebriated.  Considering her beastliness, I was intrigued in a sort of scientifically curious way by her assertive demeanor and sky high self-confidence, so I didn’t blow her off right away.  A minute later her friends had joined us.  Zeets had engaged one of the friends in conversation and judging by his positive interest in her it looked like he would need my wingman duties to prevent grumpy cockblocking by the fat one.  This was my night to fall on the ammo dump.

Guys will understand what I’m about to describe.  It’s funny what happens when you are the object of an ugly woman’s affection.  You get uncomfortable at first, then annoyed that this girl presumes to think she is in your league, and finally cruel, just to be rid of her.  Now try keeping an ugly girl entertained for an hour.  It will test your patience to the limits and expose you to the risk of her thinking she has a chance with you.

So for an hour I experienced what it must feel like to be a hot girl getting hit on by a persistent beta with zero game.  And I reacted in exactly the same way a hot girl would react to a loser hitting on her.  Or like a young guy might respond to a cougar stroking his chest.

First came the questions.  She wanted to know so much about me.  I felt like I was being interrogated, so I evaded and gave her smart-alecky answers.

So what to you do?
I kick cats for fun and profit.
 

She seemed to enjoy that.  The cockier I got the more she pressed.  Bad move on my part.  I switched gears and started giving her vanilla one word answers.  This seemed to work and she changed the subject to music hoping to gain more traction.

I really love the band Pussy Surrenders to Red Army.  Ever heard of them?
Yeah, they’re OK.
OMG, did you see their show last week?
Uh, you know, I listen to Celine Dion exclusively now.

Despite my strenuous effort to avoid reciprocating the rapport she so desperately tried to manufacture with me, she soldiered on.  As we were talking she was facing me directly while my body was at a 90 degree angle to hers.  I looked around at the rest of the room in between glances back at her to sustain a conversation I normally wouldn’t have.  I was literally giving her the cold shoulder.  When the mind is not racing with lust it’s easy to be keenly aware of your body language.

Next came the unsolicited compliments.  My negative body language was apparently not enough to cool her jets.  It only invited her to redouble her efforts.

You have great hair. I love your hair!
Uh, thanks.
It’s so soft.  [out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand reach up to touch my hair.  I instinctively jerked my head backwards.]
I don’t wash it.  Natural grease keeps it soft.
You’re the cutest guy in here.  No, seriously!  [my annoyance was rising.]
No, I think that guy is cuter over there.  And he’s checking you out.  You should talk to him.

Finally, the stream of unwanted flattery was over.  Only to be replaced by her touching me.  Lots of touching.
The forearm at first.
Then the hands.
The chest.
She tried to stick her hand in my jeans back pocket.
ew, ew, ew.
Out of the blue she reached up and caressed my cheek.
ew infinity.
She leaned in aggressively.  I leaned away from her.  Lean in, lean away.  I’d fall over soon at this rate.  I tensed up and closed off my body.  She stepped in closer.  I stepped away.  Step in, step away.  We were moving across the room like a dance of repelling magnets.  I actively and conspicuously checked out other girls in front of her as she talked.

She moved in to whisper something in my ear.  I jumped sideways.  We were now talking to each other from six feet apart.  This was a tolerable amount of personal space for me.

I prayed Zeets would number close soon.  I kept trying to get his attention and pass a non-verbal cue to hurry this up but he was in deep rapport with his target.  The Krakon shambled up and put her arm around my waist.  Sweet Lincoln’s mullet, get a couple of drinks in a girl and mix with a dusty vagina that hasn’t seen cock in years and it’s like standing in front of a Chinese tank — you’ll eventually get steamrolled.

Hey, you know, you should really go talk to your friends.  It’s kinda rude to ignore them like this.

I lifted her arm off me and walked away through the crowd to sit on a couch on the other side of the room.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  Zeets was on his own.  I did my part.  If she went back to her friends and messed up his game, I washed my hands of any responsibility.

My freedom wouldn’t last.  No sooner had I caught the eye of an attractive girl and prepared to make a move on her, my tormentor returned and plopped down on the couch next to me.  She scooted nearer and rested her hand on my leg.  I pushed it off.  She stared at me blankly.  Then, release.  The message got through.  She stood up and walked back to her friends, not dejected, but more like a proud but mortally wounded warrior who was forced to surrender.

Everything I said to her, and every way my body responded to her, I’ve seen hot girls do to guys they weren’t remotely interested in.  For an hour, I was that hot girl.

Minimized eye contact and looked down at my drink a lot?  Yes.
Answered questions tersely?  Yes.
No body language mirroring?  Yes.
Repositioned myself to avoid incidental physical contact?  Yes.
Got skeeved out when physical contact ocurred?  Yes.
Got progressively nastier with my comments?  Yes.
Scanned room for a savior to rescue me?  Yes.

The next step on my path to enlightenment would be to bottle the attitude I have with unattractive girls and invoke it when I’m in the company of a woman who really turns me on.  This would elevate me to the stage of playerdom where I exert very little effort to have girls working hard to win me over.

All this unpleasantness would be unnecessary if fat and ugly chicks just followed my simple words of advice:

Know your place.

It’ll make life easier for you and for everyone around you.





Comments


  1. I feel bad that this post made me laugh. But it did.

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  2. It’s sad, but so true. Yet the idea that you should “know your place” doesn’t mean that you have to stay there. If you’re a beta male with no game or a fat chick with bad acne/hair — fix your flaws BEFORE you try to play out of your league. Just because you want to play in the big leagues doesn’t mean you can. And no, I won’t just like you for who you are. Dorky or disgusting is no way to go through life….

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  3. the level of frustration is exponentially worse….if you had…. say…a brazilian wax…. before you went out….and you have to ask yourself….”did i wax my girly bits for this????”
    xoxo

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  4. It’s the worst when people just don’t know when to give up.

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  5. amen to all of that.

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  6. Roissy, consider yourself lucky. She could have been a tranny with enough surgery to pass as an acceptably attractive woman…*ugh*

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  7. that was hilarious. congratulations, you’ve just been sexually harassed. welcome to the club.

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  8. Dude, that’s nothing — go to a gay bar / club sometime. I went to one in Barcelona a few times. Once a group wanted to go out, and there were two gay guys, so we had to go there. The other time I was meeting up w/ two female friends — some girls like gay clubs for when they just want to drink and dance, w/o being chatted up and groped.

    That really opened my eyes to how girls feel in clubs, and why many try to steel themselves for the experience and project an ice queen attitude just for protection. When you get hit on by just about everyone, you first think, “Wow, I must be pretty hot stuff” — and then you realize that it’s males hitting on you, and you reconsider: “Ha, I guess that only means I’m not hideously ugly.”

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  9. DF — personal experience???

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  10. Dude, that’s a really mean way to describe our meeting the other night. I thought you were just playing hard to get!

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  11. on October 2, 2007 at 5:39 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    I have had this happen, but it shook my confidence in a way it did not seem to shake yours.

    I began to think: “My God, do I seem like such a loser that SHE thinks she can actually hit on me?!! Aghghghth!!”

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  12. I cut and pasted the “Sweet lincolns mullet….” paragraph and sent it to some co-workers today. Great stuff.

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  13. You’re such a rookie when it comes to being an attractive woman. A real attractive sheman would have gotten a couple of free drinks out of it. And if you wanted to get out of it you should have given her you’re number but then never pick up when she calls. I mean that’s what the attractive women I talk to do…. duh

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  14. Virgle–

    Try a fake number: 382-5968.

    You figure it out.

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  15. Everybody knows the number to Voice of America. Try something a bit more obscure.

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  16. vk – at one point she asked me to buy her a drink. (!) the ensuing convo went like this:

    “will you buy me a drink? i like gin and tonic.”
    “you’re not even embarrassed to ask that, are you? absolutely not.”

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  17. drsnacks–

    I’ll bet you actually called to find out, too.

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  18. Sounds like you jumped on a grenade. Lets get that pedal pinned to your chest soldier!

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  19. She must have been really ugly. I’ll admit that I have had my fun with slighty ugly and somewhat fat girls, just for the sake of experience, and I still enjoyed lovemaking to them when I was in my player days. Problem is when they become sticky and want commitment.

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  20. I think I speak for everyone when here:

    You were obviously an ugly & fat girl in your past life.

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  21. What’s so bad about a fat girl? Nice ass and tits to grab. 🙂

    Seriously, I’d rather have a 7 who’s a size 12 than a 9 who has A cups and no ass.

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  22. irina – don’t you know i’m an equal opportunity cruel as fuck SOB?

    DA – this girl was missing a waist to hip ratio. nofurtherquestionsyerhonner.

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  23. I should note that my player days where in Germany, Spain, Argentina and Chile, where women are on average a lot thinner and prettier than in the US. So a somewhat fat girl may be average size in the US, and a 4 may be considered a 6 or even a 7 in the US, it’s a relative problem, That is not to say there are no attractive women in the US, some of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen were US wasp girls, there are just so little of them. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, because the British Empire was said to be built on the ugliness of their horsefaced women, and we now were most americans come from.
    I don’t really mean to insult anyone, but I trully recommend to US men to travel and meet foreign women (for example, through an exchange program, MBA, what ever, NEVER through a marriage agency or some sort of crap). Follow Roosh’s example.

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  24. I’ve also met a lot of beautiful Israeli girls

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  25. russian, estonian, polish. that is where it’s at, gannon.

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  26. As a female I can’t be sure of my judgment, but if I were a man I’d be pursuing middle-class women from Venezuala and Colombia. They are independent (they expect to work for a living) but they know how to manage men, in a good way, and they care about how they look. One of my cousins married a Colombian girl. He said that she was too beautiful for him but that Colombian men were all so horrible (they take it for granted that they get to be unfaithful) that he had a better chance than he deserved.

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  27. clio – this is why russian women are such catches for american men. russian men are drunk, thuggish, underemployed, and die young. but they at least have done the hard work of breaking their women in. as a result, a lot of russian women seeking husbands and green cards in the US are surprised to find american men so pliable.

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  28. David Alexander
    Devil’s Advocate

    Could there be a connection?

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  29. I agree with Roissy that girls from Eslavic backgrounds (east Europe) tend tom be very beautiful, I just didn’t live in these countries. The amount of pretty young sex workers from east Europe in Germany is huge. The most beautiful women I ever saw however were from Austria and the north of Italy. I’ll admit that I have seen some very beautiful American women, but in all honesty the average sucks.

    To Alias Cleo: in general, persuing middle class latinamerican women is an excellent idea. They will be on average nicer, more femminine, less sluttier and prettier. Although they won’t date men who are as old as their father, most of them are happily willing to date men 12 years their senior. For example, for a late twentysomethin men it’s socially acceptable to date women in their late teens, something which in the US would give you a lot of angry looks, calls from outraged parents and being labelled as a loser, even if the aforementioned girls are over 18.

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  30. I’m the author of post 29.

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  31. Jay, you just can’t make this stuff up in NY.

    Venezuelan and Colombian girls are often good girlfriend material and there are more beauties in those two countries than the rest of Latin America.

    My Estonian friend tells me that his country’s women are beautiful because of the mixture of ethnic groups borne out of conquest or occupation of Estonia by Poles, Russians, and Swedes.

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  32. I really recommend Chile, Argentina and Uruguay. Here, the middle class girls are relatively white, nice and educated. The problem with countries like Colombia and Venezuela is that these countries are violent (specially Colombia) and outside of the big cities very primitive. The meridional cone of Southamerica (CH; AR; UR) isn’t really that diferent from the poorer parts of Spain and Portugal.

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  33. Argentinian women have an inflated sense of self-worth, therefore you must approach a 7 as if she were a 9. Colombia and Venezuela are not that bad, although Venezuela gets worse every day with that communist bufoon Hugo Chavez running the country. In fact, Colombia has improved substantially from just a few years ago and is much safer than you would expect.

    Of course, no risk no reward.

    Liked by 1 person


  34. on October 3, 2007 at 6:14 pm David Alexander

    David Alexander
    Devil’s Advocate

    Could there be a connection?

    Of course, somebody has to defend women here. 🙂

    When you don’t compete for women in the sexual market place, you tend to be less jaded and bitter, and more appreciative of women.

    They will be on average nicer, more femminine, less sluttier and prettier.

    Slutty women are better at sex, and dating women from “south of the border” means taking a hit in terms of the IQ potential of your future children, if you’re obsessed with that.

    For example, for a late twentysomethin men it’s socially acceptable to date women in their late teens, something which in the US would give you a lot of angry looks

    From what I’ve seen, it’s a bit more acceptable for “adults” which would be for those who are above the age of 25 or so. 35 and 25 is somewhat acceptable in the US, but not 30 and 18, and it’s primarily because the two groups are in different social worlds. And admittedly, the loser men who can’t attract women in their own age group tend to do this, thus reinforcing the stereotype.

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  35. The middle-class Colombian girls I’ve met through my new cousin-in-law aren’t at all deficient in terms of IQ. They speak about 4 or 5 languages each, they have law degrees and business degrees (from American Schools, as often as not) and are very cosmopolitan.

    You can’t judge the intelligence of Latin America, of whatever ethnic stock, by Mexican peasants alone.

    I remember reading an article in the Economist some years ago about “corn culture” in Mexico, which suggested that the small stature of native Mexicans was the result of having made corn a dietary staple for so many millenia. Corn grows more easily there than rice and beans, also Mexican staples, but it provides only just enough nutrients to sustain life. If there is indeed a tendency to lower IQ among native Mexicans (and I’m a little skeptical of IQ as a gauge of intelligence – so sue me), then it might be that their corn culture also had its effect there as well.

    But that wouldn’t be relevant for native peoples of South America, and their mixed blood relations, where the diet was rather different.

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  36. “Slutty women are better at sex, and dating women from “south of the border” means taking a hit in terms of the IQ potential of your future children, if you’re obsessed with that.”
    You do realiza DA that most latino inmigrants in the US are low class, and their lower IQ is related more to class than anything else. Middle class Latinas tend to be much more educated, whiter and smarter.

    “Slutty women are better at sex,”
    That may be, but I as talking about forming longterm relationships here.

    “And admittedly, the loser men who can’t attract women in their own age group tend to do this”
    You have been brainwashed by femenists, DA. For men having a younger woman on his arm is a symbol of status for men around theworld. If you really believ a girl 28-30 is as attractive as a gilr 18-20 you are simply deceiving yourself. Don’t believe in femenists shaming language.

    30 and 18, and it’s primarily because the two groups are in different social worlds
    Actually, around that age both genders are in their best marriageable years respectively. Remember DA, societies where women marry close to their perimenopausal years are not sustainable. And any future time orientation skills tell you it is preferable to have a wife who will become a cougar in 17 and not in five years.

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  37. on October 4, 2007 at 1:19 am David Alexander

    You do realiza DA that most latino inmigrants in the US are low class, and their lower IQ is related more to class than anything else. Middle class Latinas tend to be much more educated, whiter and smarter.

    Yes,that’s true, but still, the IQ can’t be that high, their nations are still relatively poor. Look at Argentina and Chile where they have few black people, lots of natural resources, but they’re barely meeting first world standards.

    Besides, what self respecting white middle class Latina would leave her comfortable lifestyle to come to the US and marry the slobs who can’t get married here. Or in my case, marry a black guy?

    That may be, but I as talking about forming longterm relationships here.

    But long-term relationships suck! Sex in a long-term relationship has to be one of the most pointless things ever. Sex is best enjoyed with short-term relationships with women who you only desire for their sexually attraction to you. As I’ve said before, the traits of a sexual attractive woman and long-term relationshiop woman are mutual exclusive, and I’d rather have the short term relationships, especially if my girlfriend is going to secretly pine over some alpha and stop putting out after we get married.

    We should abolish marriage, and let everybody fend for themselves. Of course, I can say that because I presume I will never get married or have any type of long term relationship, but I can pay some prostitute for a short-term “relationship”.

    For men having a younger woman on his arm is a symbol of status for men around theworld.

    Yes, but remember, in those same countries, the women use the men for their financial resources since they have no ability to earn a middle class lifestyle on their own. Plus, you really can’t brag about catching a naive, 18 year old who is for all intents and purposes, a child still living off mommy and daddy. Nobody really becomes an adult socially until 24-25 at the earliest.

    Yes, younger women are more attractive, but doesn’t mean that we have the right to go prey on young naive women so we can go have babies. I could always rape a hot girl if I wanted to have sex with a hot girl, but that certainly isn’t going to happen because it’s wrong. As I’ve said, there’s a difference between a 10 year difference when the girl is 18 and 24, and I’d suspect that most men would prefer the smarter, educated, financially secure 24 year old whose looks aren’t that bad when compared to the 18 year old.

    Remember DA, societies where women marry close to their perimenopausal years are not sustainable. And any future time orientation skills tell you it is preferable to have a wife who will become a cougar in 17 and not in five years.

    Except our societies are comparatively richer and in better health than those other places. Even if they reproduce more, the members of those cultures die of curable diseases or other ailments that we don’t have in the first world. As proven by studies, women who have their children too young end up having children who end up causing a mess for society in the long run. Anybody with future time orientation would figure out that it’s better to hold off child rearing, complete education, cash out in a good career, and enjoy your life while you’re relatively young and energetic before squandering your life on cute and loveable, but resource intensive children who require lots of money to ensure that they don’t turn out like vagabonds.

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  38. Yes, we should read all the studies and run our lives by them.

    DA, you should be in jail, because you know black men are statistically more likely to commit violent crime.

    Thus DA, we should go ahead an arrest you now.

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  39. Yes, we should read all the studies and run our lives by them.

    If you’re obsessed with your children having the highest IQ possible so they’ll avoid the fate of people with low IQ, maybe it’s best to marry and have children with those groups known for high IQ.

    IQ seems to be the only thing that can explain why countries are poorer than other countries with the exception of massive swings in government (READ: communism). Chile, Argentina, and Uruguay have never been involved in massive wars, nor have they had communist governments. The low IQ of their leaders and populace has to be the only reason behind their lagging and weak growth when compared to their European counterparts. In fact, remember, many of the whites who immigrated to those nations were the ancestors of low educated, poorly fed peasants (read: people with low IQ). Low IQ explains Africa’s massive failures in trying to establish modern societies, and it certainly explains why Venezuela is ruled by Chavez, why the FARC overran half of Columbia, and why Brazil is mired in poverty, and how Argentina went from top 10 richest to ass broke in fifty years.

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  40. I’ll second the advice to look for well-to-do Colombians. There are a lot in the DC area, in fact. I don’t think they’ve always been there — probably fled their country during the past 10-15 years when it was turning really violent.

    I recall hearing a lot of Brazilian Portuguese in downtown Bethesda — well-to-do Brazilians are very nice too.

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  41. Know your place? But guys don’t have to follow this advice because they have more to offer than looks, right? Because if you apply that to both genders, your whole sleeping-up-is-what-every-man-deserves blog theme kind of goes out the window, huh?

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  42. agnostic – one of my exes had a boatload of brazilian girlfriends. mamma mia. if there is such a thing as the perfect ass they came close to capturing it.

    tizzy – deservin’ ain’t got nothing to do with it. anyhow, don’t you know it’s different for guys?

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  43. […] Go away, ugly girl… […]

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  44. What I find most entertaining is that when I am out, and am active, a couple good flirts and a higher number of good/bad rejections, at some point I will stay by myself to relax and check the environment out.

    they never fail to find me.

    Either old.
    Either fat.
    Either ugly.

    Or all.

    Nothing to loose, a woman comes up to chat with me. Worse, asks me to dance.

    Still refusing to be an asshole, I reject her politely, “no thanks… ” etc…

    Except a few, always I get the “Why noooot?”, “what is wrooooong?”…

    Or, they just end up crying….

    Women…

    If women would face active rejections as much as the average male would, most lucrative business would be 1-800-dontkillyourselfhelpline…

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  45. […] in good company. This describes 98% of men.) Now most girls, if they’re interested, want to know what you do. They have a dedicated neural network pulsating in the pastel-colored folds of their girly brains […]

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