Separate Species

I recently heard this story about two girls, good friends, who were spending time together catching up.  They decide to help each other rub on self-tanning lotion (not the spray kind, but the wipe-on kind).  So what did they do?  Why, they stripped naked of course!  Two heterosexual girls sat butt naked together and rubbed self-tanner all over one another, including those hard to reach nooks and crannies, like it was no big deal.

Now, a quiz for the guys reading this.  Think of your best guy buddy.  The guy you get drunk with and wing for when he makes a sloppy pass at a chick.  The guy you discuss baseball stats with or bust on for throwing a football like a spaz.  Now try to picture sitting naked with him in extremely close proximity rubbing self-tanner on his hairy dimpled ass, making sure to get an even application.  Maybe he lifts a cheek so you don’t miss a spot?

Not happening, is it.

Two separate species.  There isn’t a better explanation.





Comments


  1. I don’t do that with my female friends

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  2. hahaha…are you complaining?

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  3. viva la difference!!!!
    xoxo

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  4. I think situations like that are over-reported.

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  5. Didn’t happen. Sorry. Perhaps topless, but not completely nude.

    And you know we don’t really have pillow fights either, right? And we only rarely practice kissing on one another.

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  6. on August 9, 2007 at 10:08 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    I think our elders knew instictively what you and I are just starting to learn now, after years of indoctrination (ie schooling): Men and women are very very very different creatures.

    There was some study/report recently (Can’t find it via Google) that claimed men and women have more in common with their ape counterparts than with each other.

    I believe this. Now just let the legislators, feminists and all others know, and we’ll be OK.

    On an unrelated note, check out this article:

    http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/WhoPays.aspx

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  7. Being a Navy man, I’ve seen some seriously, fantastically gay shit performed by straight men in my time. But nothing like the slathering you describe. Honestly, what kind of man uses bottle tanner?

    Regardless, it’s a cardinal rule. Unless you are fruit loops, one naked man doth not touch another naked man, even by accident. Just doesn’t happen. At least outside locker rooms.

    This is what always amazes me about guys who tag team women. The last thing I want to do while pounding away on some girl is look up and see a dude getting his balls sucked. And yet some guys say they hi-five while doing it. Gross.

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  8. Well, maybe. But on the other many girls hate stripping in front of other girls (in locker rooms etc) because girls judge other girls bodies far more harshly than guys do (who are impressed by anything not in hog territory).

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  9. The other weekend, I had a girl over saturday night. Sunday morning, while sitting in the bed chatting, she starts texting her friends to remind them it’s “Naked Sunday.” What’s Naked Sunday, I ask. She explains that her girlfriend’s parents–who are very wealthy–go out of town a lot on the weekend, and that every Sunday, her and all her friends go over to the house, and all get naked and hang out in the girl’s parents’ bed and shoot the shit. You know, cuz it’s like, fun to be naked, and the bed is so comfortable!

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  10. I mean, this just a slightly tamer version of the “best friends” who get drunk and make out in the bar, clearly for the attention it nets them from every dude there.

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