I recently heard this story about two girls, good friends, who were spending time together catching up. They decide to help each other rub on self-tanning lotion (not the spray kind, but the wipe-on kind). So what did they do? Why, they stripped naked of course! Two heterosexual girls sat butt naked together and rubbed self-tanner all over one another, including those hard to reach nooks and crannies, like it was no big deal.
Now, a quiz for the guys reading this. Think of your best guy buddy. The guy you get drunk with and wing for when he makes a sloppy pass at a chick. The guy you discuss baseball stats with or bust on for throwing a football like a spaz. Now try to picture sitting naked with him in extremely close proximity rubbing self-tanner on his hairy dimpled ass, making sure to get an even application. Maybe he lifts a cheek so you don’t miss a spot?
Not happening, is it.
Two separate species. There isn’t a better explanation.