Cologne On Your Balls

I have found the perfect cologne: Armani Attitude

sniff

It’s got a manly earthy undertone with a powerful musk oxen finish. I like to spritz a little on my crotch. A man with genitals as regal as mine deserves the finest perfumes.

“Did you spray cologne down here?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I think you’ve answered that.”

“Well, it does smell pretty good.”

“A boner bouquet.”

I think I’m onto something. I’m going to market a crotch cologne called “Eau de Another Woman’s Vaj Juice On My Dick”. It’ll be like catnip to the ladies.





Comments


  1. cologne on the balls? a little too, well, Bravo network, in my opinion. could there be a more metrosexual idea? But, whatever works. if the ladies dig it, the proof of the perfume is in the sucking. however, the other-woman’s-vag scent might be more catfights than catnip.

    Like


  2. Cole me on the panny stine, Baby!

    Like


  3. I rub a pocket square all over my crotch before putting it in my jacket.

    Like


  4. carolina herrera 212 for men

    this is the only case where I kissed a girl exclusively because of the cologneI used. The toilets were downstairs, and I was returning to the dancefloor while a group of girls was going the opposite direction when one of those asked who was using such a nice cologne. I came to her and said that it was me and the name of the cologne was Avanço, a prole cologne whose TV commercial features a beta who uses Avanço and then girls just throw themselves at him. She laughed and I got approval seal from her friends.

    The thing about 212 for men is its capacity to withstand the weather. I was living in Rio at the time, and when going out on summer, using colognes seems pointless unless you get straight from the air-conditioned car to the air condicioned club, without a line. 212 is able to allow you to stand in the line for an hour and in that night it even rained, and the smell remained

    Like


  5. True story: I once made out with a girl while having the smell of another girl’s vagina on my face—I had just gotten done eating her out.

    Second girl got pissy, and then proceeded to go home with me.

    Like


  6. on July 30, 2009 at 11:24 am Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman

    Wow, how little I knew back when I was young. I figured that a quick shower after banging the girl I was cheating with was actually necessary before a date with my GF. Who knew?

    Like


  7. Roiss, the first guy that markets a men’s cologne that smells like a ravaged pussy is going to pocket some some serious coin.
    A while back, while still reeking of my date’s crotch, I rolled out of the sack w/o showering/shaving and into one of my local diners for breakfast. The warm reaction I received from TWO waitresses that morning was affirmation of the power of another woman’s poon scent. Different from what I usually experience when sitting at the counter all clean and spiffy.

    Like


  8. on July 30, 2009 at 11:32 am Brian Fantana

    That’s the smell of desire….

    Like


  9. obsidian will hate the black bottle
    is smaller than the
    white box

    Like


  10. It’s a good idea.

    Two notes of caution:

    Right after putting cologne on your balls, you’ll experience a cool-burning feeling which might be uncomfortable for a short period of time (mmm, I think I just came up with a business idea).

    Pf course, never do it right after shaving the balls. Wait at least a day.

    Like


  11. on July 30, 2009 at 12:10 pm Backdoor Man

    I use Armani eau pour homme. I’ll have to check out Attitude.

    Like


  12. Cologne + balls = Fag.

    Like


  13. A pal of mine (former roomate) got a blow job from a drunk chick (they were both drunk), and she had chewing gum in her mouth. She was apparently so out of it she just stuck out her tongue and put the gum in his pubic hair and kept on sucking his dick.

    He drives home (drunk), and his girlfriend shows up unexpectedly just as he arrives. He goes to the bathroom, thinking that he has to perform for her, or she will know he just got some action, because he was always up and ready for it. In the bathroom, still drunk, he notices while he is peeing that there is chewing gum in his pubic hair. So there he is, with fingernail clippers trying to cut it out (drunk). He cuts to much off one side, giving it a “bad haircut” effect. Luckily she didn’t notice. I always thought that one (he had tons of stories related to his ridiculous pussy-juggling escapades) was quite funny.

    Like


  14. Cologne directly on the balls means a sour taste in your mouth if you happen to lick them, worse than ballsweat in my opinion.

    Cologne -around- the balls, but not anywhere a girl would put her mouth, is significantly better.

    Like


  15. How did I know Poetry of Flesh would be the only female to comment on this?

    Like


  16. Because I’m a (usually) delightful whore?

    Or you have psychic powers.

    Possibly both. I don’t pretend to understand the ways of this mysterious world.

    Besides, I’m trying to save myself, and other girls, from experiencing cologne applied directly to the balls ever again. Consider it my good deed for the day.

    Like


  17. i seriously think poetry of flesh is actually a dude now

    srsly

    Like


  18. dumb idea. i don’t even like wearing deodorant if i don’t absolutely need it. let that natural caveman musk do its magic.

    Like


  19. on July 30, 2009 at 2:49 pm ironrailsironweights

    I once heard a story about a married guy who was driving home after having nailed his mistress, when he realized that he smelled of his perfume. He knew that his wife would be at home when he arrived and would be sure to notice the smell. There wasn’t time to stop and buy a change of clothes or clean himself in a public restroom sink. So what did he do (answer below)?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    He stopped at a self-service gas station and “accidentially” spilled some on his clothes. The smell of gas overpowered the smell of the perfume, and he had a good reason to quickly shower and change clothes when he got home.

    Peter

    Like


  20. I sometimes splash a small amount of cologne on the pubes, so that when the woman’s nose is buried in them, she can experience a bit of olfactory pleasure in addition to that of having my cock down her throat. I’m just a caring guy that way. Are you listening, PoF?

    Like


  21. … after spilling gasoline all over his clothes, got into the car and drove off, and then took a long, deep, relaxing drag from his cigarette…

    Like


  22. poetry of flesh is either a full time hooker or an eventual hooker who does that Because she likes the art and needs the thrill

    I am certain she has friends who are hookers.

    how old are you, Poetry?

    Like


  23. […] July 30, 2009 douchev I really enjoy telling other men who read my website about my penis and testicles and how they smell.  Why?  Because I’m SO FUCKING ALPHA. […]

    Like


  24. on July 30, 2009 at 5:21 pm Cannon's Canon

    old spice “swagger” body spray!!!

    // just kidding

    Like


  25. Gig,

    I am in my mid-twenties, well past the age of attractiveness and desirability for a man of your caliber.

    I do like the art of sex, of course, but the thrill… not so much. I so rarely find men that thrill me.

    Hookers? No, not so much. I have a few friends who work in the sex industry, yes, but none of them work as hookers, call-girls, or anything of the like.

    As for me, the closest thing I’ve come to selling my body is being a lifedrawing model. Thinking of taking that up again, actually, if my schedule allows for it.

    Thank you for reminding me.

    Like


  26. Poetry of Flesh

    Firepower,

    If I am male, these are some very impressive moobs.

    psh. dontcha know nowadays
    you can order those from any surgeon

    so can a dewd

    Like


  27. “I’m glad you agree regarding the taste. I don’t completely agree regarding the balls, but it has been established that I’m much too devoted to the male gentilia for my own good.”

    Indeed; there is nothing attractive about men below the waist.

    Like


  28. @ poetry

    as long as the guy doesn´t know, being a hooker gives you an edge over him. don´t be shy, specially because we are coming to the conclusion that you are only slutty, probably the “good” girl among your circle of over-sexed friends

    Like


  29. Firepower:

    FIX’D

    If I am male, these are some very impressive *natural* moobs.

    Like


  30. Gig,

    I’m oddly flattered, even if the conclusions being drawn are not entirely correct.

    Like


  31. Mandy….mandymandymandymandy…

    :: aggressively wrestles down her Lesbian 10% that goes into autopilot let-me-introduce-you-to-my-boyfriend mode whenever she hears a girl say that penises are gross ::

    Eh…nevermind.

    Like


  32. I for one, think that a male member and its respective counterparts are attractive. I like the taste. Something about the sweat makes it more erotic at times. (Note that there’s a distinction bewteen “sweaty” and “dirty”.) Maybe I’m just more visually stimulated by its association? Who knows?

    Like


  33. @ poetry

    Given your own numbers of 70-80 sexual partners, you have had between 2 and 3 times as much as me.

    What I don´t get is your turn-over. Even if you get banged by an alpha, do you simply send him away after, say, a month? Or you are unable to hold them?

    PS: I won´t write following silly rules of the English language. It is stupid and reflects a beta language that both guys and girls “bang” each other. The Latin languages, which are alpha, recognize nature so we say “gig banged poetry” or “poetry got banged by gig”

    Like


  34. Indeed; there is nothing attractive about men below the waist

    besides cooking, there two other abilities that women had in the past and whose disappearance is the root of so much unhappiness today

    the abilities to keep their fucking eyes closed and the ability to fake orgasms

    Like


  35. Gig,

    Your question is actually pretty easy to answer.

    I did not always used to have the attitudes or standards that I do now. A large chunk of that 70-80 (which now I’m finding is probably closer to 70, because I sat down last week and tried to list from memory), happened between the ages of 16 and 19, sowing my wild oats and being an idiot. A very lucky idiot, all things considered.

    Since then, I have had a few longish term relationships, as I mentioned. One just under a year, one just over, one closer to two years, and another just over two.

    When I’m single, I go through, eh, somewhere between five to twelve partners a year. About a third of those I don’t bother to cultivate, just have them as one-nighters, and the rest I have for various lengths of time. Some last a few years, some a few months. I encourage them to date, encourage them to find girlfriends if they want a real relationship, so occasionally I lose them (though not their friendship) to that. Sometimes, I overbook myself, like I did last year, get stressed that I’m not getting enough alone time, and drop them all from bedroom-related activities.

    I don’t cling to men I don’t plan on keeping, alpha or not. My acceptable dating pool is narrow, very few men fit my parameters. I’m not going to stop or discourage them from finding a girl that fits them, that will make them happy, that will give them the sexual commitment and romantic love that I will not.

    Use the English language however you see fit. I’m fairly apathetic to making language “sexually equal”.

    Like


  36. @GhostofNicole:

    what?

    @gig:

    Yeah, but back in the day, people didn’t do weird perversions of sex, like oral sex or anal sex.

    @S:

    Did you always feel that way (and by always I guess I mean from puberty onward)?

    Like


  37. @Mandy:

    I can’t remember the first time I saw a realistic depiction of a penis, outside of a work of art and health class, but I’m pretty sure it was initially sort of alien-looking to me. But, I also felt the same way about female genitalia. I distinctly remember being attracted to male genitalia during my first sexual experience, which was at 16. So, yeah, I’d say my shift in perception occurred when I was around 15.

    Like


  38. Mandy, just so you know for the future, “Penises are (something negative),” is a well used Lesbian or bi curious mating call. You might not want to say it too often even if you think it’s true, unless you’re trying to find out who the Lesbians in your group are.

    If you’re straight, but just not experienced enough to know the joys of the magic stick, just keep that opinion to yourself in public.

    Besides, as I’ve learned, some guys really do have a kind of guilt about being male. Dissing the equipment comes off as misandrist, and only sows shame or anger, maybe both.

    Like


  39. @GhostofNicole:

    “Mandy, just so you know for the future, “Penises are (something negative),” is a well used Lesbian or bi curious mating call. You might not want to say it too often even if you think it’s true, unless you’re trying to find out who the Lesbians in your group are.”

    This would explain a lot.

    “Besides, as I’ve learned, some guys really do have a kind of guilt about being male. Dissing the equipment comes off as misandrist, and only sows shame or anger, maybe both.”

    I know; I’m not misandrist. I just can’t help it. I’m not a lesbian.

    Now I feel weird. I thought this was normal.

    Like


  40. Although I’ve been rolling w/Obsession as my signature smell good of choice, I do experiment from time to time w/others as they come along, just to see what result I get. One of them has been Cordovan by Banana Republic. Not bad.

    O

    Like


  41. weird perversions of sex, like oral sex or anal sex.

    back in the day women didn´t have those two unnecessary holes for men, consumed by passion and love, to put their dicks into.

    My acceptable dating pool is narrow, very few men fit my parameters and somewhere between five to twelve partners a year

    how can someone hate women? you have the right age, your group of girlfriends is pure gold, you can dump me after one night and still convince yourself of your high standards and i could still show you to my colleagues without activating their hooker-radar

    Like


  42. Gig,

    It’s not a matter of “high” standards.

    It’s a matter of recognizing what works for me. Of looking at someone and knowing that forcing ongoing interactions, trying for a relationship, is a waste of time.

    Or meeting someone and knowing that they’d make a good lover, but a long-term relationship wouldn’t work.

    Or meeting someone and knowing that a long-term would work.

    Not everyone has the same set of values or qualifications. I know you know this.

    I certainly don’t blame you for your misogyny. It’s more understandable than anything.

    Like


  43. Mandy, it’s normal for someone who has only seen genitalia in an educational or incidental context to view them as ugly or unattractive as a toe or tongue.

    In time, especially for those still in touch with nature and whatever spirit is, the genitals become as beautiful as their meaning.

    Even from a scientific standpoint though, the human penis is a wonder of nature. Unlike in other animals, the human male doesn’t have a penile bone. Each erection is a kind of a special event, unique to men.

    It is normal for women to say that penises are gross, but if your tone when saying that is sincere, it can be interpreted as something you might not have intended. So when you say that, add that your opinion will probably change when you’re married.

    Like


  44. Isn’t it that women find penises of men they are not attracted to gross?

    I certainly find poontangs of women I am not attracted to gross.

    Like


  45. poetry

    I don´t hate women, I love how you are able to rationalyze everything

    You are the kind of girl that makes life easier. I jujst need one friend to kiss one of your friends sothat he can call me to meet him, your friend, and yourself. once you reach that level, it is certain that I will kiss you though sex is not assured

    you don´t imagine how many women like you exist, and how easy you make life for guys

    Like


  46. About smells and men…since I started eating naturally, I’m very sensitive to and repelled by synthetic smells coming out of someone’s pores.

    So eat well, and stay away from artificial flavors please. Aside of not getting the nose wrinkle from old broads like myself, you’ll smell more dominant.

    As for extras, make sure that whatever you wear is a quality cologne, or better yet, oil. Have someone mix you a personal scent or “booster” that is compatible with your favorite scent from the shelf.

    Arab scented oils are among the best, but there are some old witches in Washington state and Louisiana who give them a run for their money.

    Like


  47. Niche scent companies have been working for some time to manufacture synthetic copulins (the vaginal odor of an ovulating woman). So far it is a pale imitation of the real thing, but nonetheless somewhat effective.

    Here is what an experienced poster on another board wrote (cops are short for copulins)

    http://www.pheromonetalk.com/mens-pheromone-advice-tricks-tips/what-happens-if-guy-wears-copulins-651.html#post8624

    “To answer your original question, before Ail hijacked the thread *AHEM!*, guys wearing copulins get one of three responses generally when they wear cops.

    1. Girls/women get HOT and want to jump him, because they conclude he’s getting some, so he must have been approved by some woman, and they want some too..
    2. Girls/women respond as if they have encountered a highly sexed (Alpha type) woman: competing, cattiness, but not arousal.
    3. Girls/women avoid him, because they conclude he’s involved.

    Naturally, being as sexy as I am, I get hot women humping my leg a lot over it.”

    Like


  48. Gig,

    Honey, if you’re playing for kisses and -hoping- for sex, we’re playing entirely different games.

    And, yes, while there are -many- women out there like me, you apparently have no idea how many more men there are out there like you. You guys become socially interchangable pieces because you’re so indistinguishable from each other.

    It’s not meant to be an insult, it’s just a Gaussian distribution on a social level.

    Like


  49. Yesss! What a creative idea!

    Too bad it was already written about (the “Private” brand of cologne) in a best-selling book, The Misfortune 500, by Bruce Nash and Allan Zullo.

    Does Roissy have any original content to offer anymore?

    Like


  50. on July 30, 2009 at 8:38 pm Epoxytocin No. 87

    @ poetry

    And, yes, while there are -many- women out there like me, you apparently have no idea how many more men there are out there like you. You guys become socially interchangable pieces because you’re so indistinguishable from each other.

    As long as the ratio isn’t any greater than 70:1, we’re still set.

    guffaw!

    Like


  51. And then I facepalm.

    Thanks, Epoxy.

    Heheheheh.

    Like


  52. @PA:

    “Isn’t it that women find penises of men they are not attracted to gross?

    I certainly find poontangs of women I am not attracted to gross.”

    Well, you see, that actually makes sense.

    In my case though, it’s all.

    But I’m sure my opinion will change as I grow older and get married. (Thanks Ghost of Nicole ;])

    Like


  53. on July 30, 2009 at 8:48 pm Epoxytocin No. 87

    @ ATC

    Good artists borrow, great artists steal.

    Like


  54. poetry

    I gave the beta bait and you bit it. I just needed you to say confirm that you are baninging guys that you consider socially interchangable pieces because you’re so indistinguishable from each other and this is why you keep changing partners. you can´t hold those you consider worthy

    Like


  55. “guys like me” don´t make your life easier, because they either do not commit to you or they are so far below your minimum threshold that you don´t even consider commitment

    it is typical of sluts to compare sexual success of men and women, ignoring how harder it is for men to get laid and that even alphas face something between 50%-67% rejection rate in the first approach. do women suffer the same if they offer sex?

    girls like you do make my lfe easier because you offer what i want, no-strings-attached sex. a slutty group of friends makes life easier of an alpha group of buddies.

    there is no analogy, the genders are not subsitutes, but complimentaries.

    Like


  56. Mandy XD–

    Now I feel weird. I thought this was normal.

    Frankly Mandy, though you know I like you, I think you should feel a little weird about those ideas. It is strange for a post pubescent girl to not feel attracted to an erect cock (of decent or better size anyway.)

    No I don’t think that’s normal. And yes that IS male off putting. Or anyway off putting of more alphaish males. Beta males will suck up to all kinds of things.

    It is however more usual among those who have been religiously taught to regard sex with shame and even some aversion for the nitty gritty of it, as opposed to the love bonding sides of it. Which might well explain it.

    I regard this as a decided downside of your religious chastity training, which is to be overcome. There are considerable upsides to it as well, in terms of your likely ability to pair bond compared to, e.g. Poetry in Flesh. (Who I feel no ill will towards and who I think could be a whole lot of fun to sex play and fuck buddy with.)

    Like


  57. S.-
    “I for one, think that a male member and its respective counterparts are attractive. I like the taste. Something about the sweat makes it more erotic at times. ”

    Proof positive that S. is the only real woman commenting on this blog.

    If a woman really likes a man, she likes the way he smells when he sweats:

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=birth-control-pills-affect-womens-taste

    No surprise, birth control pills disable this vital female selection process.

    Feminists fuck up everything.

    Like


  58. It’s already been done….

    http://www.riechmichund.com/

    Like


  59. Gig, what I think Poetry is trying to say is that the anti bonding thing works both ways. Many other aspects of sexuality are gender specific, but bonding is a general human adaptation that goes far beyond sexuality.

    It does indeed make both your lives easier that there are many people willing to have sex with no strings or shame.

    Your life would also be easier if you lived in a pod and were provided nourishment through a tube, and your secretions carried away by another tube.

    Casual sex is like tube feeding. In time you forget how to chew.

    Like


  60. @doug1:

    “It is however more usual among those who have been religiously taught to regard sex with shame and even some aversion for the nitty gritty of it, as opposed to the love bonding sides of it. Which might well explain it.

    I regard this as a decided downside of your religious chastity training, which is to be overcome.”

    This is the thing: I’ve been a Christian for almost three years. I don’t have religious parents. And Christians, or at least those I Bible study with, don’t look down on sex outside of marriage; they do see it as part of loving and caring about one another.

    Some of my Christian friends are more extreme than others, but most feel the same way I do. And I wonder if it isn’t the *religion* that is making us that way; I wonder if we are able to follow this “chastity training” because that is how we feel to begin with. It is easier for us to hold Christian ideals in regards to sex because that is how we’ve always felt, and that is how we feel now, and it is a justification for these (immature, prudish, or virtuous) feelings.

    I’ve met guys with alpha-ish behavior who are Christians and attend the same church I’ve recently started attending. Two of them go around introducing themselves as “Danger” and “Sexy.”

    Like


  61. John Varvato’s original cologne is my personal favorite scent on a guy…not sure how I feel about cologne being on a guy’s balls though…?

    Like


  62. Mo “never do it right after shaving the balls. Wait at least a day”
    === Yeah, wait on the cologne. But of course you can slap on some aftershave right away.

    PA “I certainly find poontangs of women I am not attracted to gross.”
    === Such as every photo Peter has ever linked to. BTW, I’m surprised Peter didn’t work in something about how the right perfume can enhance the aroma blend of a GNP.

    I’ve found rubbing bubblegum down there drives girls wild. But only seems to work with the young ones.

    Like


  63. @LadyRaine:

    Yes, I’ve read that something like only 20% of Playgirl’s readers are females.

    I always thought my view was more popular because most girls I’ve met feel the same way I do.

    The few that are screaming about the glories of cock are usually the biggest sluts imaginable or are trying to make themselves more appealing to men.

    (S, that wasn’t thrown at you, you might generally like it, and maybe your attitudes about everything regarding sex are healthier than most of us here)

    @AJTravis:

    How is that proof that S is the only real woman on this blog? You post an article about sweat when we’re talking about penis? ok.

    A woman doesn’t need to see a man’s penis to decide if he’s attractive or not. And she doesn’t need to give head to decide if she likes how her man smells after five hours of playing football with his friends. I know I don’t, at least.

    Like


  64. @Mandy:

    I think I might be the anomaly? I’m not sure. I’ve had a couple girlfriends who didn’t think male junk was very attractive. A lot of women don’t watch or enjoy porn, but it does the trick for me. I think that’s indicative of visual stimulation. A bit of the attractiveness for male genitalia stems from intrigue too. I don’t posess it, so it’s a mere fascination with the mechanics of it. I don’t mean to sound sycophantic to any of the men here at all, but there’s some aspect of raw power that comes from a guy’s cock. It’s an active, versus passive, tool.

    Like


  65. on July 31, 2009 at 1:18 am gunslingergregi

    ””””””””PA
    … after spilling gasoline all over his clothes, got into the car and drove off, and then took a long, deep, relaxing drag from his cigarette…”””””’

    Fuck and Yea

    Like


  66. @Doug1:

    Of course she’s an odd one, but so am I, and so are the people who surround me, apparently.

    I don’t see how my thoughts about it are that weird for someone my age.

    Like


  67. Mandy!XD-

    Do I really have to explain this?

    You, LR, POF, et al, may have 2 X chromosomes, but you are girls.

    S. is a woman.

    Like


  68. I’m not speaking for the others, but yes I’m a girl.

    And I intend to stay that way for as long as possible.

    Like


  69. Roissy you have your own spoof site now! The person even ripped off the douchev/dooshv idea from those people who spoofed dcbachelor a few years ago: sofuckingalpha.blogspot.com

    Like


  70. Mandy says, “The few that are screaming about the glories of cock are usually the biggest sluts imaginable or are trying to make themselves more appealing to men.”

    This is an unfortunate misperception.

    A slut doesn’t have to scream about the glories of cock to be appealing for her purpose. The hoe flavored ones don’t even like sex. They’re just having sex for the side benefits like attention or other resources.

    A girl who likes sex and thinks cocks, especially those of their boyfriends/husbands are beautiful, are showing symptoms of bonding capability, and should be strongly advised not to engage in any manner of slutty behavior. Better to pull your own plough and wait for a sturdy old donkey than to jump on the carousel.

    One thing I advise my prodigies on, whether they’re more prudish or perky in style, is to get away from people who are negative about sex. The proper attitude for someone who intends to be a wife (legally or spiritually/family recognized, which for serious Christians are the same), is that their partner’s penis represents part of the creative force. Even if someone is a stone atheist, it’s at least the deliverer of sperm and pleasure, and should be taken seriously.

    Valuing the penis is not about fetishizing it or viewing it as separate from the man. It’s about valuing it as you should every hair on his head. It’s also about respecting the fact that every man, whether you’re attracted to him or not, has a penis. It is not a toy, and not a tool with which he should be manipulated, and not some gross wart or something for which he deserves to be shamed simply because it is not useful to you.

    If you respect it, you’ll attract guys who respect themselves. Dating guys who hate themselves is a fate worse than death. It’s a problem that milling amongst the non stupid guys are wussy dudes who hate their own penis. You don’t want to reinforce that. If you marry someone like that, you’ll end up becoming the scaffolding for his ego the rest of your life.

    Like


  71. on July 31, 2009 at 6:50 am Epoxytocin No. 87

    Ghost of Nicole – good post.

    I couldn’t resist commenting on this:

    It’s about valuing it as you should every hair on his head.

    Awesome. So she should value my hairs as much as my cock?
    I shed a lot, so I should make my girl pick up every single hair and worship it properly. I like that.

    Like


  72. @nicole – agreed, great post.

    Like


  73. Thank you, Epoxy and Maurice…though I should be careful. Such things are what has earned me “crazy cunt” status here. In Roissistan, women aren’t supposed to think like me unless they’re Nordic goddesses or somesuch.

    …and while you’re bullshitting, there are women from certain places who will gather their men’s shed hairs so as to keep bad witches from using them.

    Whether or not it would work, I find the psychology fascinating…that the other woman would steal a man’s hairs, use them in a spell, and believe she can steal the man. The fact that the guy would probably do her regardless of whether or not she stole his hair doesn’t occur to them I guess.

    You could though, make it a rule that your woman has to gather and ritually dispose of your sheddings and clippings, and have validation from many ancient belief systems. If she’s spiritual, she’ll take that duty rather seriously.

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  74. @GhostofNicole:

    I don’t think he DESERVES to be shamed for it, and I don’t intend on doing any man-shaming. Shaming a man for having a penis is like shaming someone for having an ear.

    But I can’t control a feeling of nausea that comes up when I think of that “level of intimacy.”
    That’s what I’m saying. I can’t see how someone would bend down and worship a penis like you would worship an entire person. Respecting something and worshiping it are two entirely different things, and it sounds like you’re advocating the latter.

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  75. @Mandy- nausea? aw, you poor thing. your sexuality needs to catch up to your otherwise precocious level of development. think about it, though – if you *truly* believed in all that Christian abstinence crap, would you be on this board all the time talking about sex with a bunch of men twice your age? i mean, SRSLY.

    in that spirit of both mocking and supporting, i dedicate this Onion parody to you:

    http://www.theonion.com/content/news/study_abstinence_only_lunch?utm_source=a-section

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  76. Gig,

    I said -socially- interchangable pieces, not -sexually-.

    And guys like you don’t make my life easier. Sex is easy, sure, but I rarely, rarely find one whose physical form makes up for the mentality you carry. Sure, tendencies towards misogyny and objectification of women make for some great sex, but at the end of the evening, I get dressed and go spend time with people whose social company I actually enjoy.

    The damage you do to women on a psychological level, the social molds you continue to shove both men and women into, are the reasons that I am as popular as I am, and I do not mean as a sexual piece. You bitch and moan about how girls are so vapid, so inexperienced, so sexually prejudiced, or you whine (or boast, if you got laid that evening) about girls that are too experienced.

    And then these girls, they move onto other guys and take this damage with them, making for these horribly uncommunicative sexual relationships, and the drama, and the stupid games that girls play, the shit-tests that are so incredibly hare-brained they should be on a late-night sitcom.

    Which, in turn, takes decent men, and transforms them into guys just like you.

    You perpetuate a damaged cycle, a fumbling way to deal with sexuality and relationships, whether single-serving, short-term, or long-term.

    And since it’s so common to find men that do this, finding decent partners I can actually respect can be difficult. So if I stumble across you and you happen to be hot and I take you for a night or two, so what? You’re no-strings-attached because it’s unhealthy to get tangled up in your knots.

    Nicole,

    Yes, that was what I was trying to say. Thank you for translating it. I continue to enjoy your commentary here, it’s always well-written and insightful.

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  77. @maurice:

    Guess my subconcious selves and concious selves are at war with one another.

    “Perhaps more troubling, students who completed the abstinence-only program were reportedly unable to answer the simplest questions about their own digestive systems, and some as old as 17 still believed they could catch high blood pressure from their very first Snickers bar.”

    Those darn snickers bars. Especially the king sized ones.

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  78. Poetry of Flesh
    Trusting the muses
    Of wit
    and hard rocking.

    She rocks harder
    than you.

    But not me.

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  79. xsplat channeling firepower! poetry smackdown!

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  80. btw, in that i meant *actual* poetry = comments in free-form verse, not a smackdown of our very own poertry of flesh. who might well enjoy the experience, if done by a suitable alpha male…

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