Player’s Pop Quiz

Your girlfriend, who is thin, asks if you think she looks fat.  Among the following responses you could give which is most likely to make her smile and kiss you?  Which is most likely to piss her off?  Which is most likely to make her more dependent on you (AKA love you)?

The Sarcastic Answer
“Oh yes, you’re huge.  So fucking round.  I’ve seen beach balls with more sex appeal.”  *rolls eyes*

The Sincere Answer
“No, you are thin and beautiful, as I have always known you.”

The Coy Answer
“Hmm, lemmee see, turn around.  Hm, you know, it’s weird… maybe it’s the lighting in here.”

The Scornful Answer
“Are you on drugs or are you blind?  Give me a break, you know you aren’t fat.”

The Psychotherapy Answer
“If this is a cheap pity ploy to boost your sagging self-esteem or a test of my devotion I suggest a more subtle alternative route that doesn’t involve ridiculous assumptions.”

The Mendacious Insurance Policy Answer
“Yeah, now that you mention it, you did put on a few pounds, especially around the hips.”  *makes frowny face*

The Sly Answer
“Not that I would notice these things, but if you did put on a little weight, it looks good on you.”

The Non-Answer
“Girls!”

The Satirical Answer
“Does my penis look bigger?”

The Smartass Answer
“Define ‘fat’.”

The Goofball Faux-Reassurance Answer
“Don’t worry, baby, I like a little cushion for the pushin’!”

The Evasive Answer
“Hey, I love those shoes on you.  Amazing!  They really accentuate your long legs.”

The Pimp Answer
“Why don’t you work off your fat ass by getting on your knees and sucking my cock, bitch.  Don’t let me see no tears.”

The New Age Answer
“You’re coming from a fear-based place.  Let go of your ego and trust in the universe that my love is enough.”

The Charming Bastard Answer
“I can’t judge these things with clothes interfering.  A proper analysis can only be done by candlelight… with a warm bath… and a bottle of pinot noir nearby… to be sure the results are as… biased… as possible.”

Silence
*walks slowly to her, puts his hands on her cheeks, brushes aside her hair, looks in her eyes, leans in, runs his lips softly up her neck to her ear.  sits back down.*





Comments


  1. I like the New Age answer….of course.
    My gut is telling me the pimp answer wouldn’t go over too well.

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  2. How many women really ask their boyfriends or husbands if they look fat? My guess is that it’s almost always just a comedy staple.

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  3. The “Silence” answer is the correct one. Actions speak louder than words.

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  4. on September 10, 2007 at 4:45 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    I agree with Jay — silence is golden.

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  5. Did you watch Roxanne this weekend?

    Biblical Response
    He’s got the whole world, in his nose!

    Animal Lover’s Response
    You must love the little birdies so much to give them this to perch on!

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  6. Here’s another vote for Silence.

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  7. Kathryn

    Not Used Response
    Why the long face?

    good movie

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  8. Hey I go for the silence answer.

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  9. By the way, are these two on the same leverl: the girlfreind who wants to break up (going back to your getting ex gf back) and the girl u havent dated & is suddenly no longer interested? Can i use ur getting urex back trick on both?

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  10. The silence answer made me want to puke.
    I mustn’t have a romantic bone in my body.

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  11. pimp is obviously the way to go

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  12. Silence.

    Peter: are you kidding?

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  13. Wait… this is a trick question. The correct answer is “there is no correct answer.”

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  14. i’d go with sincere, sly, or coy.

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  15. I’d respond to the silence answer with a … “well, didnt you hear me, you rude bastard, hurry up and answer” but then I wouldn’t ask if I looked fat.

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  16. I swear I was just talking about this at breakfast- before logging on this evening- that is so spooky, the wordpress.com community must be reading my thoughts. My blog post was gonna be something like this!

    Love IS: Hearing that you are Fat in alllllllllllllllll the right places!

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  17. a lot of these depend on how “fragile” of a moment your girl is having.

    The Sarcastic Answer — not a good time to be sarcastic. it will backfire.

    The Sincere Answer — she’ll accuse you of placating her

    The Coy Answer — depending on your delivery this might work, but you cant leave it at that. you gotta keep her giggling to diffuse it more and take her mind off her ass.

    The Scornful Answer — also might work if delivered with a chuckle.

    The Psychotherapy Answer — terrible idea. don’t counterattack her at a time like this.

    The Mendacious Insurance Policy Answer – duh

    The Sly Answer — NO. this will come back to haunt you for years.

    The Non-Answer — …will be an unacceptable answer.

    The Satirical Answer — This one could definitely work.

    The Smartass Answer — This could send her into a spiral of estrogen fueled insanity

    The Goofball Faux-Reassurance Answer — This one will also haunt you. you just called her fat.

    The Evasive Answer — again, depends on delivery.

    The Pimp Answer — Also delivery and how much of a prude your girl is. I dont think a lot of relationships have this kind of rapport, which is a shame. Push the limits until you get this kinda rapport because an answer like that with some shock value works to diffuse her fragile moments. even if she thinks you’re a scumbag for a little while, she’s not thinking about how fat she is anymore.

    The New Age Answer — negz.

    The Charming Bastard Answer — too evasive

    Silence — Do this and she’ll bone the next friend of yours that hits on her.

    i think the main thing here is delivery. i’m funny so i know i could pull off a lot of these, and i establish that kind of toilet-humor-rapport with girls early on. also remembering that women aren’t looking to solve a problem when they ask you a question, they’re looking for discourse.. so you gotta take their mind off the matter at hand.

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  18. Big fan of the satirical answer. Personally I’d go for more a “Huh? What? Where? Here? Here? Not sure, maybe here?” with accompanying handwork to defuse. No, not the pimp hand.

    And yes, women ask this a lot. They usually word it a little less cliche, but however it comes out it’s the same landmine. I think the assumption is that the girl is actually still svelte; the better question is what to respond when they actually -do- look fat.

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  19. I’m feeling the satirical anwser. Love the Pop Quiz format, lets have more of those!

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  20. the better question is what to respond when they actually -do- look fat.

    or just dont date fat chicks

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  21. […] Player’s Pop Quiz Your girlfriend, who is thin, asks if you think she looks fat.  Among the following responses you could give which is […] […]

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  22. LOLx. Nice but thought that most of the answers there was kinda rough on girls…

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  23. Which is most likely to make her more dependent on you (AKA love you)?

    Ummmm. This explains everything.

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  24. toss up betw the satirical and the charming bastard, amended to simply the first sentence “i can’t judge these things with clothes interfering” and proceeded by a from behind hip thrust and poke.

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  25. answers:
    psychotherapy – piss her off
    sarcastic – make her smile
    coy – make her fall more in love
    charming – make her kiss you
    silence – make her horny

    use pimp with caution. it combines all the above into one volatile cocktail with the right girl and the right attitude.

    paully – impressive in-depth analysis.

    jewcano – when they do look fat, the answer is simple: “you’re fat”. anything less is… uncivilized.

    irina – i knew you’d find that easter egg. 😉

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  26. I’ve worked retail for several years. Women only ask men the question “does this make me look fat”, because they know men will come up with some stupid, lame ass reply to stroke their ego. If they asked another woman the Does-This-Make-Me-Look-Fat question, they’d get an honest answer, which is “NO, i’ts not the dress/jeans/WTF that’s making your ass look fat!” Which is exactly what I said when some silly bint asked me that!

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  27. I’m just glad I’m gay and don’t have to put up with that crap. None of my boyfriends have ever asked me that question. LOL

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  28. whts with all the insecure women !! lol one question i vow never to ask .. no matter wht

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  29. […] aren’t too many scenarios in which you could manipulate their body image issues to your benefit without it blowing up in your face like an overstuffed […]

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  30. The satirical answer.

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  31. How about this answer:

    “I’m not going to reward this behavior.” Then change the subject or walk away.

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  32. Stand up, take a predator looking at prey stance. Brief moment of silence while she tries to figure out what is going on then ATTACK! Start aggressively pulling off her clothes, while sucking her neck & tits and putting hands all over. If she bitches “That wasn’t a come on!” respond “The fuck it wasn’t!”. If she breaks free pull off your own clothes as you close distance. Screw her brains out.

    It’s even better if she does it after taking a long time to get ready. Every time she asks “How do I look” take it as a come on. Make a mess.

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