Urban Living Is Bad For Relationships

If you want to build a relationship with a girl you’re dating I’d suggest you move out of the big coastal cities. Either escape the city with your girl (you might have to abduct her) or find a girl in a small town, rural backwater, or suburban outpost. There is a portal of anti-love negative energy that issues rays of casual sex and polyamory from the nightlife bowels of big cities and works to tear apart any couple stumbling their way toward deeper commitment.

Think about the ways this happens:

Options = Instability

Where you have options, you have trouble sticking by one person. A man dating a girl (or girls) will feel on top of the world and suddenly all those single women traipsing around the city look like much easier targets to approach. His loins will quiver with excitement. A woman transplanted from a less populated region of the country to the big city will become enthralled with all the extra attention from men who are probably much better at playing the game than the men she left back home. Her ego will quiver with expectation.

Anonymity

How simple it is to maintain a dating carousel when hiding all the people you are banging from each other is as easy as scheduling dates on different days and in different bars, sometimes separated by only a block. When there isn’t a social network of family, friends, and people who generally give a shit about decorum to shame swingers, sexual depravity results. This truly is the golden era of genitalia.

Zero Consequences

Who’s gonna stop you from boffing your girlfriend’s hotter sister? Dad? HA. It is to laugh. Welcome to Plunderdome.

Convenience

No problem running a stable of regulars when meeting places are within walking distance of central giggity headquarters. Out in the sticks it’d be a pain to meet a second girl when she’s a 50 mile drive away.

Poland here I come. Dzien dobry!





Comments


  1. who is that band playing in the picture, and what do they have to do with this post?

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  2. drummer looks like a freak

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  3. Krakow. Krakow. Krakow. That is all I have to say.

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  4. Who the hell are those assholes?

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  5. I have my suspicions about this story. Has someone been caught with his pants down? This is the first Roissy post I can recall that is about how necessary it is for a man to control himself, not the women in his life. Am also suspicious about the band in the photo (for different reasons). I’ll leave it at that.

    Clio

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  6. Oh goodness. Me and my friends JUST discussed why it seems so much better to have more options in a big city, but then there seems to be so much less commitment. You really broke it down much better/more obviously for us 😉

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  7. Plunderdome.

    Well done on that.

    The corollary to your observations is that if a city couple makes a true commitment despite the increased temptations, they probably have a union that will last. Until the next 80s night, anyway.

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  8. on June 20, 2008 at 6:45 pm Old Ben Kenobi

    Is that girl the winner of the Rock Band competition?

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  9. Women in rural areas are more likely to have a Glorious Natural Pelt.

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  10. on June 20, 2008 at 7:00 pm Milton Freedman

    Are you guys kidding me? It is the DC Bachelor (Roosh), the Roissy, and the token hot chick. Where is Virgil Kent?

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  11. Roissy met a nice girl and then realized how difficult it would be to keep her in an environment occupied with other Roissy’s.

    How else do you explain the last two posts?

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  12. I am not too sure about this – should we view our base desires as handicaps that we are essentially stuck with and need to control by limiting ourselves, or as afflicitions which we have the ability to rise above for more self-empowering pursuits..?

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  13. on June 20, 2008 at 7:40 pm Yakking Guy

    Looks like Roissy on the far right, Roosh to the left on the other guitar. The drummer is obviously close enough to Roosh for him to playfully diss (in Roosh’s post above). Man, I’m glad I have unlimited time to veg in front of my PC and notice silly trivia like this.

    Roissy’s post doesn’t surprise me at all. Those are words I would expect from a guy who’s getting fatigued with gaming and is starting to want a non-plastic girl (not to mention he’s spot-on factually). Whether someone who’s played the field as much and as cynically as he has can land and keep a sweet girl, I guess that’s a separate question.

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  14. Game players already know this phenomenon as “go to a bar / club during an off-night.” On Saturday night at a packed place, the same conditions encourage you to fuck around.

    On an off-night, there are very few viable options, so you’ll stick with the one cool chick there. And there’s no anonymity, so caddish behavior will be instantly detected and shunned.

    At the same time, you’ll have greater success since you will be their only viable option, and the intimacy of an off-night meeting makes her less anxious about being used.

    (The token hot girl is obviously Lemmonex, judging from her face and the fact that she’s attempting to shield her phatty from the gaze of the dude in the far back.)

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  15. And you’re obviously a lot less likely to run into a mass of attention whores during an off-night, compared to the “see and be seen” night.

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  16. Hope Poles will give you a black eye or two.

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  17. I was just thinking about this the other day, and it’s so true. I was thinking from the perspective of “urban areas are bad for girls”, but I just equated girls to relationships, this is more accurate.

    I think it would be better to say “big cites are bad for relationships”. Smaller second and third tier cities that still have urban qualities mitigate the effect of the forces you mention by bringing the city-life down a notch. And you can avoid the small-town boredom that kills relationships in different ways.

    But hot girls, don’t let this stop you from moving to a big city. It makes it a lot easier to fuck you when you’re all in one central location. Also, late night public transportation is available to avoid those awkward mornings where I laugh at you and you start crying. Oh, and you won’t have enough money to live on your own, so you’ll have to live with 3 or 4 other hot girls. And when you bring me around them in their own living quarters, that will make the jealousy/seduction/forbidden-lust trifecta a lot easier for me to accomplish. Thanks.

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  18. Roissy is so right about this……………..

    Visiting a friend in New York in my twenties years ago, I thought to myself, “If I lived here, I’d want to chase women all the time, introduce myself to different one’s every day, get as many phone numbers as I can” because as we walked around town, I just seen so many good-looking women. There were tons of them, literally everywhere. I got to thinking about my pal’s divorce—reason for my visit. Hell, if you look around and see so many attractive members of the opposite sex, and many of them pay attention to you, its so easy to slip that wedding band off and flirt a little bit. Its a constant reminder that “you dont have to take her shit if you dont want to”, and that other women are still interested in you.

    Its got to be the same for the ladies. Cities magnify this, but out in suburbia, away from the bars and single-scenes, but near the ball-fields, churches, community parks, children’s playgrounds and the like, a man or woman is faced with “family stuff” constantly and kids are something that you see alot—reminding the two of you that there is something more than fuck and suck. It removes temptation to get away from the swinging dicks and hot pussy.

    I admire couples that can have a strong relationship in a big town when they are young, but I think the path of least resistance out in the burbs’ is just more relationship (and especially child)-friendly for the most part.

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  19. Though it seems entirely valid on the surface, I’m nonetheless assuming this post is part of Roissy’s game.

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  20. on June 21, 2008 at 2:44 am Yakking Guy

    “Hope Poles will give you a black eye or two.”

    Hope Poles? She was in Purchasing where I used to work. I’ll grant you she *was* easily riled, but I never heard of her popping anyone.

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  21. Roissy’s post doesn’t surprise me at all. Those are words I would expect from a guy who’s getting fatigued with gaming and is starting to want a non-plastic girl

    What some of the younger players (and wannabes) don’t get is that they will change and by their early to mid thirties they’ll feel the need to settle down with someone. Depending on whether you’re a late bloomer or not, early to mith 30s is when you’re at your peak male attractiveness.

    Near 40, it is hard to attract women under 23, unless they’re loose (thus not wife material), or you’re exceptionally rich, good looking, or charming.

    Your mentality will probably change too. I’m in my late thirties and when I see guys my age or slightly younger in DC on Friday evenings, with their bitchy-looking girlfriends, or in packs of hopeful young stags, I feel a little tinge of pity for them.

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  22. Near 40, it is hard to attract women under 23

    Make that under 27-28.

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  23. on June 21, 2008 at 5:13 pm Usually Lurking

    What is really interesting about this is that it is girls, much more than guys, that want to move to the Big City. Lots of young men really appreciate the outskirts and rural areas. They can go hunting, fishing, four-wheeling, ride their trucks and dream of owning a ranch one day. They don’t really mind that they do not have an authentic Malaysian restaurant nearby.

    It is the girls that want to be where the action is. Hot clubs, chic restaurants, SHOPPING, and, they feel relatively safe.

    The safety thing might seem counter-intuitive. But, you just ask any girl whether she would prefer to sleep, alone, in some beautiful, isolated, country home or in some cramped apartment with 2 roommates and you will know what I am talking about. Safety in numbers.

    Guys? Guys don’t give a shit. Being left alone sounds like paradise to most guys.

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  24. PA: I’m pushing mid-40’s and attracting the 26-29 crowd is no problem. Keeping them for more than 6 months is…

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  25. Having grown up in a very urban environment (Bronx, NY) and now living in a small town in rural Nevada, I can appreciate the difference–and believe it or not, far prefer the latter.

    #18 Z is mostly, but not entirely right, about the family atmosphere. There are, surprisingly, a fair number of single women here, but calling them what roissy terms “warpigs” would be charitable. Since there’s not a whole lot to do here, most of them compensate by popping out kids while still in high school, so be prepared to be instant daddy if you want to live in a place like this.

    I was already married when we came here, and I can tell you I wouldn’t be caught dead single here.

    But then on the other hand, brothels are legal in this county . . .

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  26. I know who you are and I’ll kick your ass.

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  27. Hope, your aggressiveness toward sestamibi may be a manifestation of your hideous netherbeard. Perhaps you would be more civilized if you were clean-shaven like Yuko Ogura.

    If you can’t bring yourself to shave, perhaps it would mellow you out if you were to indulge in a les dream of discovering your artistic side with Yuko.

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  28. Good luck with your new 3 hour work commute to DC then!

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  29. Perhaps you would be more civilized if you were clean-shaven like Yuko Ogura.

    All those pedophiles must like Yuko.

    Nothing beats a thick, lush, delicious Glorious Natural Pelt.

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  30. If 21-year-old Yuko looks like a child to Peter…
    http://www.hairypussyforum.com/allover/hairy-granny2.html

    Let’s see…glorious natural pelts, sex with children…what are you driving at, Peter?

    [I will be impressed if Roissy lets this comment through]

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  31. on June 22, 2008 at 6:08 pm finefantastic

    i’d love it if some hot, eligible men moved here, to the sticks. this is about the extent of the selection here:

    diddle ‘er twat!

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  32. More peltporn for Peter

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  33. Where do you live Sestamibi?

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  34. So Heath Ledger’s death wasn’t tragic?
    You’re nothing but an insensitive, homphobic, jerk!!!!!!!!!!!

    HLRIP!!!!!

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  35. Since pictures of 20-year-old Yuko Ogura make Peter protest too much, here’s a glorious natural pelt for him to enjoy that won’t trigger his latent pedophilia
    http://tinyurl.com/3nqa4a

    And speaking of pedos and pelts… : )

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  36. If 21-year-old Yuko looks like a child to Peter…
    http://www.hairypussyforum.com/allover/hairy-granny2.html

    That picture made me hard.

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  37. nothing says whore like a bitch abusing anonymity

    kick a bitch

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  38. PA:
    Near 40, it is hard to attract women under 23…Make that under 27-28.

    El Guapo:
    …I’m pushing mid-40’s and attracting the 26-29 crowd is no problem. Keeping them for more than 6 months is…

    I’m glad to see that some men who read these sites have a sense of realism about such matters. Yes, I know it isn’t exactly the same for men and women, but still, the idea that a man in his 50s can easily catch and keep a much younger woman, when he’s finally ready to commit himself, is as much of a delusion as the idea that it’s easy for a woman in her 40s to nab a great husband and have children when she’s finally ready to give up single-girl fun.

    And again, yes, I am certain there are exceptions to both generalizations, but I’m speaking of probabilities here, people.

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  39. “I’m glad to see that some men who read these sites have a sense of realism about such matters.”

    You can include me in that list Alias. I have always said that men should look for wifes 8-12 years younger and that 15 years really is the limit for a healthy long term relationship.

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  40. I’m glad to see that some men who read these sites have a sense of realism about such matters.

    heh. Realism is good. As a married guy in his late 30s, I can look back and my younger self and the attitudes I had, which I now see in others here.

    I’ve been at various times in my earlier youth a frustrated beta with girls I really wanted; a jerk alpha with girls I dated to whom I was more or less indifferent; a nascent alpha once I hit my early 30s and figured out the real rules of the dating jungle…. and now of course.

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  41. on June 23, 2008 at 3:03 pm SovereignAmericanMale

    George Carlin (RIP) an Alpha who made me laugh, sometimes ’til I cried. I wonder what God will do with him now.

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  42. on June 23, 2008 at 3:14 pm Usually Lurking

    I’m glad to see that some men who read these sites have a sense of realism about such matters.

    Clio, I am not sure how many of the regulars here thought otherwise. Actually, I can really only think of Roissy as thinking he can keep this going indefintely.

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  43. Usually Lurking, I am referring back to a long argument at the 2 Blowhards website. It’s just mischief-making on my part, but when I saw PA’s comment, and El Guapo’s follow-up, I couldn’t resist.

    Clio

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  44. Indefinitely is certainly not an option — aging and death put real limits on things. But male value doesn’t deteriorate as rapidly as female value. The over-40 male, and even the over-50 male, have high value to a subset of women. We’re time tested and thus our value. That’s just a fact.

    I’m sure YMMV, but the reality is older males in good physical shape with resources are extremely competitive at the have-sex level. At the have-relationship level many women initially reluctant to engage can’t help the genetic programming — status IS everything — alpha IS everything. And since many woman (read ~15% at least) do have older-male preference, bagging the young for marriage is not an unreasonable proposition. That’s simply the pool that one has to draw from.

    It does, however, take courage, determination, discipline and effort. It can be done. My almost-2nd-wife was a 27yr-old gorgeous California model. Errors on both sides screwed it up. I am presently grooming 3 equivalents — so the sex is good too — as I hopefully bring the next “Mrs.” home.

    I’m a reluctant player. I’ve been thrown back into the mating pool via divorce and a newfound desire to have some progeny. (And wasn’t that realization a shocker to me!) The latter desire means breeding age, and obviously the younger the better.

    If you are older (over 40) and think you can’t have what you want — you’re wrong. identify what you need to do and do it.

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  45. gannon and el guapo are right. a man who stays in shape, looks decent, is psychologically dominant, and has game can easily catch and KEEP a woman 8-15 years younger for a long term relationship, even marriage. money or rock star status not needed. and this gets easier as he gets older and the minimum age of the women he dates shifts to above 27 or so.

    over 15 years age difference is problematic, though.

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  46. oh, btw, el guapo, are you the el guapo of local DC blogger fame? if so, i enjoyed your blog.

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  47. Yep. 15 years is just about the limit — mostly because of psychological reasons.

    Didn’t know of the DC El Guapo. I’m in that other den of iniquity — Southern California.

    I’m not particularly handsome by classical standards — but the nickname got thrown at me by a latina (as a neg as I was being a player towards her) and it stuck.

    (Oh — same latina did capitulate eventually. Out of curiosity I asked her *why* she came home with me as opposed to some of the other hot men that were hitting on her. The telling answer supports the general theme of this blog: “You are so… very male.” And she snuggled up against me.

    It’s a deep genetic program people. Put your faith in it and jump into the fray. Have fun.)

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  48. 8-15 years younger? Yeees, not unreasonable. I mean, I wouldn’t have been interested in a man that much older than I was, when I was in my prime marriageable years, but I know that there’s a large minority (not a majority, mind you) of women who take no issue with that kind of age difference – if good health, a well-tended appearance, fitness, and “game” are all present in the older man.

    But there are limits to this kind of thing, and increasing age in the man is not the only factor working against him. A man of 40-50 who wants a woman of 23-28 may be able to nab one if he’s lucky and exceptionally attractive, but he has to be aware that most younger women want children.

    My one close friend who adored older men nevertheless dumped a much older (50+) boyfriend when she was about 27 because he refused to consider children. Men, that’s one of the non-negotiables for most women; if you try to fight it, you’ll almost certainly lose.

    Clio

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  49. Exactly Clio. Full agreement. You can’t buck the program. In the minority for older men, the women almost all want children. Which is a big positive in my goal.

    That’s why I’m in the breeder pool and not the 35-45 general pool with plenty of fine women. If I fail in my ability to attract a breeder I have no doubt I will find a fine divorcee and live out my life content though probably not completely happy.

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  50. The whole problem with being 40+ and a guy is if you want children. If you don’t want kids, there are plenty of 35-40 year old women who are still hot (although Roissy will catcall here). If you want kids you really have to enter the fiercer competition for 25-33 year olds.

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  51. The whole problem with being 40+ and a guy is if you want children.

    Not necessarily, mq. The men who are really keen on having children have generally made their arrangements by that age. As a result, it’s not that unusual for a man of 40+ – perhaps a divorced man who has children already, or a single man who never wanted them at all (as Roissy sometimes claims about himself, for example) – to try to find a much younger woman for a wife or “LTR”, only to discover that most of these young women want children.

    Clio

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  52. “If you want kids you really have to enter the fiercer competition for 25-33 year olds.”
    That’s another good reason for young guys in their twenties to date teen girls. He avoids the competition of older males.

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  53. on June 24, 2008 at 1:51 am Yakking Guy

    “That’s another good reason for young guys in their twenties to date teen girls. He avoids the competition of older males.”

    Except of the YK’s and Gannons, heh.

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  54. Give me five YK.

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  55. […] I remember the dark thoughts that went through my mind the first time I met him and his girlfriend a year ago: Scruffy low status bike messenger with cute, young Asian girlfriend moving away from the relatively provincial and poor New Orleans into one of the high-flying East Coast megalopolises, right smack into a rapidly gentrifying yuppie neighborhood, filled to brimming with players and alpha males on the make, flashing high status jobs, degrees, bottle service, connections, and sheer overwhelming numbers. As much as they are obviously in love now, their relationship is doomed. […]

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  56. […] See here. In the small towns, your number of pump and dumps will fall, but your odds of finding a quality […]

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  57. Roissy I totally disagree with you. I think you are losing it or fake. If what you said was true then no one would be married in the city. It’s really not the location, it comes down to what you have to offer and the compatibility. If the girl is attracted enough and you continue being alpha there is no way she will cheat or even have the thought of leaving you.

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  58. […] to de facto polygamy. Bitter divorcees, cougars, single moms, urban slut machines, aging yentas, used up playettes, trend whores and Samantha cliches all seeking the gossipy witty banter, emotional frivolity and […]

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  59. While there are many signs of a doomed relationship, it doesn’t mean the relationship is over or even has to end. All these signs have reverse buttons if you make a change. And even if one partner makes a change, it can be significant enough to improve the relationship overall. So keep that in mind.

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  60. I think that there will be people like that wherever you go. Admittedly in a large town or city you are camouflaged amongst everyone else which makes it easier. But if you have a strong, healthy relationship then you are going to stick by your partner. So long as you communicate, listen and spend quality time with your partner then your relationship should only get stronger.

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  61. […] Urban SWPL chicks are more likely than small town girls to cheat on their husbands. This was (happily) observed two years ago at the Chateau. […]

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  62. “If you want to build a relationship with a girl you’re dating..” LOL who the fuck would want that? I live in a big California city and I love the “dating carousel.” A new poon every couple/few months (depending on how hard I’m trying). Overlapping rel’ps and the weird crazy times that go with them. What’s not to love?

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