Online Dating is Futile

During downtimes when I was too tired to go out and meet women I experimented with internet dating.  I found love from just a few custom tailored emails.  My friends think I hit the dating equivalent of the lotto.  From what I have heard, I agree.  Most guys struggle to get one positive response on dating sites.

I have predicted to myself for years that the online dating business model would collapse once men figured out it was worthless as a way to meet quality women.  That it hasn’t yet is testament to the difficulty so many men have approaching women in person.  The path of least resistance explains why hot women don’t bother developing their personalities and why men will shotgun shoot hundreds of copy/paste emails to anonymous women online.

Myspace, Match, eHarmony, CL… they all suck for the elegantly simple reason that online there are too many indiscriminate horny men and too few cute girls.  The dynamics are totally in the woman’s favor, ridiculously so in that it encourages massive self-assessment inflation that will carry over into real life social interactions, guaranteeing disappointment.

The lopsided pursuer-pursued ratio on internet dating sites gives rise to some interesting phenomena that stack the deck against any guy choosing this as his primary pickup vehicle.  The biggest obstacles for men are:

  1. Online dating is like a journey to the Island of Misfit Singles.  It’s no surprise that the virtual world warehouses sexual rejects who couldn’t cut it in public where their ugliness means they’re not even in the running.  BBWs, BBBWs, BBBBBBBBBBBBWs… you’ll find them all online, beached like a herd of walrus.  Carefully cropped 10-year-old head shots in favorable lighting are no substitute for the real deal.  Peruse Craigslist W4M and you can’t miss the fetid stench of the loser.
  2. The internet is a huge fucking ego trip for any semi-decent looking girl.  There are a lot of plain looking girls in the 4-6 range who post online profiles for the instant ego stroking.  Usually, these are girls who have just come out of bad relationships and need a quick pick-me-up before venturing out to the cutthroat competition of the clubs and bars.  Because the nature of internet courtship shifts the perceived 1-10 female attractiveness scale 5 points upward, a 4 will feel like a 9 after getting bombarded with an inbox full of e-suitors.  A great illustration of this happened with one of my ex-girlfriends.  On our first date at a local dive bar (naturally) she got nervous when two girls sat near us and, according to her, started eye-flirting with me.  The jealousy caused by other women in her field of view helped keep her ego in check, ultimately making my job easier.  But when we broke up, she quickly hit a dating site and a week later during a breakup conversation with me gloated how “over a hundred men” had responded to her online personal within hours of its posting.  I tried to explain that most of those men were nerd losers, but the damage was already done.  Her opinion of her attractiveness skyrocketed, and she spent the next six months acting like a 10 blindly turning down dates with what she thought were unworthy men and crying lonely tears on the slumped shoulder of an emasculated beta male friend.
  3. The internet masks the competition.  She wakes up the next morning to find 250 emails responding to her online profile.  She feels validated from the swarm of attention.  The problem?  In her self-absorption and the privacy of her home she does not experience the visceral impact of being one among many, despite the fact that all those guys who emailed her also emailed a thousand other women.  She has no concrete sense of her female competition online that could compare to what she would have in a bar watching men pass her over to hit on one cute girl after another.  The mindfuck of real women in her physical presence ready to pull away the attention of the man she is interested in should not be underestimated.
  4. The internet frees men to follow the Law of Truly Large Numbers and hit on anything with an ASCII pulse.  There are zero repercussions to using this strategy online, as opposed to a bar or club where being seen hitting on every girl in the place in rapid fire succession lowers the chance of notch for each subsequent pickup attempt.  In public settings, men pick and choose which girls to hit on, and this has the aggregate effect of reducing the amount of male attention the average girl receives, thus helping to keep a lid on runaway female ego bloat.

Remedies to the problems of internet pickup might include requirements for embedded video of 360 degree full body posing, alerts to let the women know when guys in their queue have emailed other girls, and “virtual girl friends” that can vouch for guys to interested women.

For the eternal optimist, there are online exceptions to the bleak picture I’ve painted above:

Jdate – Insular, selective, niche market serving a group historically bonded by blood as well as cultural ties.  That is why it “works” (i.e., guys have an easier time getting laid) better than the mainstream sites.  That is also why, for example, a Catholic version will never work as successfully; Catholicism isn’t an ethnic religion and there are too many of them to maintain a cohesive online dating community.  Plus, Catholics love to rebel against their parents.  Dating outside the religion is one of the sacraments.  I have friends who use Jdate with great results.

Nonconformist chicks – Less interested in a man’s material possessions or job status, these types of girls flock to internet sites like Myspace and CL to find artists and iconoclasts.  The medium suits their filtering mechanism well; a witty email or clever profile is hard to fake.  They also tend to have low self-esteem which offsets the ego swelling effects of online exposure.

Fatties – The internet is great for banging fatties.  With 70% of American women overweight, so is everywhere else, including a cardboard box.

Married chicks – Craigslist made cheating a whole hell of a lot more convenient.





Comments


  1. on September 12, 2007 at 2:29 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    Maybe online dating is futile. but the Internet has been able to bring likeminded people together from far-flung places. And in that it’s a great tool to meet people you normally would not otherwise meet at the local bar.

    I think there is truth in what you say, but you also need to give women some credit: Most of them know the guys who hit them up online hit everyone up or are total losers.

    To be masciuline is to pursue and guys need to use a “service” to date are by nature not masculine and therefore not attractive. This goes for J-Date too which, from what women have told me, is a warehouse for the people they avoided their moms setting them up with.

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  2. So true. I turned to online dating as a pick-me-up after a terrible breakup. In the interest of boosting my ego enough to re-enter the majors, I worked my way through the minors, all of them one and two date wonders who never even got to hold my hand. It was a show, I hated it, and I gave it up.

    Then I met my man online, and here we are over a year later. I suppose that was my one lottery win.

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  3. Great post, I was trying to articulate some of these points to a female friend of mine last night (who signed up on Jdate for ego reasons). She received 15 emails in 5 minutes. Of course, one of them literally worked in the circus. I think you’re giving Jdate a bit too much credit– on the surface, you see more guys getting laid and even getting married from it, but I think it’s because the jewish guilt factor from their parents grows so overwhelming they’re looking to settle quickly and efficiently. To me, it’d indicate a dating population to immediately avoid, unless you’re in the market for a JAP blatantly looking for a jewish man with a high salary. Of course a smart jewish player could leverage the JAP neediness to catch a man… 🙂

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  4. I don’t know, man, it’s not a bad way to go as long as you don’t replace good, old-fashioned ‘trolling but instead use it as a sort of adjunct to dating. When I was single, I found MySpace and even Friendster to be highly successful alternatives.

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  5. online is only for if im feeling to lazy to walk to the atm or make myself dinner…
    xoxo

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  6. We already talked about this so you know what I think. The day I go a month without being able to walk into a bar, gym, bookstore, club and not leave without a number or notch is the day I turn to online dating.

    A man has his pride if nothing else.

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  7. I did the Jdate thing about 7 years ago when it was free, and take pride in the fact that I never sent a single e-mail to any of the women on that site. Rather, I used it as a supplement to real-world action. Much to my surprise, quite a few women e-mailed me and many weekends involved them coming over Friday night and leaving Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, most were looking for boyfriends (and eventually husbands). That’s where the problems started. Hitting it and quitting it gets a bit more difficult when you’re dealing with late-20s marriage-minded JAPs.

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  8. Internet dating is a helluva lot easier than meeting someone on your own.

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  9. I did the post-relationship pick me up thing, too. The ego-stroking was nice for a couple weeks, but after that wore off the whole thing just seemed a bit off. It was too easy to meet guys and it just didn’t feel right and seem natural to me. I had a few dates and ended up seeing one of the dudes for a month or so, but it ultimately didn’t work out. If things don’t last with the current boyfriend (knock on wood), I seriously doubt I’ll use the internet for potential mates.
    That all being said, a few people have met the ‘love of their life’ on internet sites, so I guess they aren’t completely bad.

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  10. on September 12, 2007 at 6:34 pm David Alexander

    I only joined Match for the free service to look at the pool of women who’d never date me. It’s rather funny to see how many white women will list will date Latinos, but not black men.

    Nonconformist chicks – Less interested in a man’s material possessions or job status

    Oh, you mean ugly smart girls who don’t wear make up and believe in their “natural” looks. Those girls make for great friends, but they’re just unattractive to me sexually.

    Fatties – The internet is great for banging fatties. With 70% of American women overweight, so is everywhere else, including a cardboard box.

    If you like skinny girls with A cups, it’s the worst thing possible. If you like size 10-14 girls with large C and D cups and asses that you can grab, the increase of overweight women is the best thing ever. For some reason, including my taste for pornstarish women, I like chubby white girls. BTW, this means chubby girls who wear makeup and “take care of themselves”. Not girls who waddle in poorly fitting sweats all day.

    That all being said, a few people have met the ‘love of their life’ on internet sites, so I guess they aren’t completely bad.

    It seems like online dating is great for 3s and 4s of the same race who are interested in forming a long-term relationship. In other words, if you post here, you’re too vain or shallow for online dating.

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  11. Two alternative uses for online dating:

    1) Figure out what people are actually looking for.
    Most people are so stuck in their own ass that they fail to see that their “great attributes” are sucky. Reading these profiles is a great learning experience.
    >>>What do most NYC girls look for?
    The #1 most popular guy on NYC Jdate is NYBanker1 or something like that. He has a headshot-quality photo, lists the most sterotypical personal qualities, and has cookie-cutter responses. I think I’m the only one aware that he is not a real person.
    2) Practice for real dating.
    Of course there aren’t many women who approach the horrific process of dating in a scientific method. If you’re going to go out with a loser, it’s better to pre-screen him online than to go out with Aggressive Alex on the street. It is my experience that Aggressive Alex, who has your digits, will stalk you. Internet Ivan (hehe) only has your e-mail, so the stalking is kept to a minimum.

    Perhaps I should write a post about this.

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  12. I could not agree more with this post.

    Online dating appears to be the natural evolution of social interactions in a culture suffering from endemic low emotional intelligence and in danger of losing the very essence of what defines it as human. I discourage anyone I know from trying it but experiencing it first hand tends to be the only way one can learn to despise it.

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  13. yes, the only way this can be stopped is by the dating site showing how many other women the guy has flashed. every guy has an incentive to flash as many women as possible, but the fact that every guy does this means that the odds of the average, or even above average guy actually getting a girl drop dramatically, as women have a list of hundreds of interested guys. it’s like the prisoners dilemma, and, like with the prisoners dilemma, the only solution is to share information more.

    internet dating is very odd and extreme, almost like a return to an earlier species type, with the males having no power whatsoever, female choice reigning supreme, and alphas dominating completely.

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  14. Too bad for Catholics………if only they weren’t so ethnically diverse. Your on to something when it comes to the “niche markets”, and I’m sure there will be more ethnic or religous dating sites out in the future.

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  15. “internet dating is very odd and extreme, almost like a return to an earlier species type, with the males having no power whatsoever, female choice reigning supreme, and alphas dominating completely.”

    Um, was there ever a time when this was not true?

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  16. From what I can tell, JDate is full of shrews.

    Irina, it goes both ways. Women routinely list qualities that would send any reasonable man fleeing in horror. Can a woman really define herself through enjoying shopping (gold-digger) or being a big fan of Friday prime-time TV (anti-social, likely agoraphobic)? If so, what man would look and that and think “keeper”? It’s not like the guys are dumb enough to describe themselves as anime otakus or paintball fanatics.

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  17. Irina, for too long have I adored you from afar, gazing upon your inestimable beauty from high in the skyline in my lavishly appointed penthouse. The yearning has become too much for me; you must have your people contact my people so we can fit into our schedules the rendevous we both dream of. Don’t worry, my amour, my assistants will keep these ‘Ivan’ and ‘Alex’ characters you so loathe far outside our rarified air. Till then, oh beauty!

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  18. “Um, was there ever a time when this was not true?”

    Yes. Modern humans do not come together entirely on the basis of female choice. In most species, for example, the males have to advertise their looks etc. far more than females (think peacocks), but in humans females do this quite a bit, which is odd. Male choice has been a partial driver of human evolution for quite a while, mostly because women require more than sperm from men because they need help raising kids. For sex itself, sure, female choice determines everything, but for relationships, marriage etc, men are quite picky (eg they would rarely marry a slut, which over time could have encouraged chastity genes on the female side)

    And the power of alphas is severely curtailed in modern society, eg Bill Gates could support a gazzillion wives, but society only allows him one. In fact even during periods where de facto polygamy was mildly tolerated (eg the 1920’s mistress boom in France after WWI killed off a good proportion of the male population) it never approached anything like you’d see among elephant seals. However in the discrete online world it’s a different story, rich alpha’s can monopolize as women have such an enormous choice that they only go for the cream. Alphas, in turn, can probably get with an enormous amount of women without them finding out about each other. So the ultimate effect is… elephant seal mating patterns.

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  19. I have never used the internet for dating, but for getting a 7 or above it probably sucks. the best way to get to know women, is going to places where there is a favourable ratio for men, like dancing classes, theater classes, certain college majors, malls, etc…

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  20. It’s not that bad. I have met three very nice people online. Maybe, I’ve been lucky.

    The best one was probably the lawyer with a law degree from Columbia, who did corporate law, played a division one sport, and was played saxophone at the professional level.

    Of course, I didn’t reply to the retarded “I need a guy to treat me right postings.”

    Craigslist is no different from real life, besides the obvious ego boost that the girl gets from hundreds of responses. The smart ones can keep their ego in check, because they realize the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

    I prefer the parking space analogy. The good ones are all taken and the ones left are all handicap.

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  21. Oh NYBanker1! You ARE real! *soulmates*

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  22. paid online dating will become obsolete as gen y’ers routinely use tools like facebook to socialize. BUT it will be awesome once tagging becomes an integral part of the process to mitigate the deception involved in virtual profiling….using tags like “bad in bed” “nut job” “closet homosexual” “philanderer” “gold digger”…so much fun.

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  23. focus, roissy!

    using the innerwebs to “date” girls vs finding something to poke on are two entirely different niches requiring entirely different skill sets. the “places” you go and the girls you target will be completely different depending on your goals. just like offline.

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  24. Cuchulkhan, I like the Elephant Seal/Bill Gates analogy about a small number of males dominating the majority of females (or Bill having a harem of a “gazillion” women *heh*).

    It brings to mind something I read once that makes a lot of sense. The social convention of monogamy in most societies functions to protect men, not women. The idea is that without social pressure for monogamy, many men would lose out on sex since women would gravitate to the more successful men. After all, many women would rather be a second, third or forth wife to a powerful CEO type than only wife to a dishwasher. (Girls, weigh in here).

    All those horny and frustrated guys would go nuts and wreak havoc on order and society. Hence monogamy in most advanced societies because it ensures that even dishwashers can procreate peacefully.

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  25. on September 13, 2007 at 7:42 pm David Alexander

    I am anti-polygamy as it creates a dangerous monopoly on the supply of women, and as a sympathizer of feminism, polygamy does nothing but hurts men AND women.

    IMHO, polygamy’s effects on our society depends on certain factors. Women in our modern society can earn enough to live comfortably without a man, and since single motherhood is no longer stigmatized, it’s more likely that single-motherhood will become the de facto operating condition. Polygamy’s appealing to women in poor countries because the women have no ability to earn money. When the choice is between village cheif with 10 wives, and poor subsistance farmer, the village chief wins. If the choice is between lawyer and boring civil servant who earns $50K, she may realize that it’s easier to earn her own money and not share the resources of the lawyer. Most alphas don’t earn enough to be able to afford more than one woman comfortably, and that defeats one of the purposes of polygamy.

    In addition, unlike the polygamy of the past, there’s pornography and prostitution, but then, given the oppressive conditions of most polygamist states, I wonder if that would be allowed as an outlet or the quality would be as good as before.

    Interestingly, when you look at the black community where there’s a shortage of good men, what’s happened is that in some cases, the men live off the women, and it’s somehow tolerated by the women because they’re desperate. Single-motherhood and cheating by men is rampant, but de facto polygamy really hasn’t developed. I wonder if whites will following such norms where the women de facto support the men.

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  26. DA – financial self-sufficiency does not free women from their primal drives. they will still be attracted to high status big resource males, except now that they are making money and closing the wage and wealth gap their attraction shifts upwards to a smaller pool of acceptable men. the result is that more average males get locked out of marriage and long term relationships.

    that is the main cultural driver that will bring legalized polygamy to the west. gay marriage helps hasten the coming of that day.

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  27. Huzzah for the non-conformist chicks on dating sites. What you said is true, in certain respects. I’ve never been able to bring one to meet my parents, and chances are slim as hell of anything long-term developing out of it, but hey, if you’re an epsilon male like me who can somehow attract the headcases, then it’s better than celibacy, right?

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  28. I tried JDate. I’m not a bad looking guy, have a stable job, yet too many of these women thought I was beneath them. Where does an average looking woman get the notion that the 6 foot tall bankers of the world are going to fall in love with her? You’re right, Roissy, these women are all on ego trips. Plus, they’re not fooling anyone with the blurry photo taken a hundred feet away. I’m passing her over. She’s probably 50 pounds heavier by now. Either that or she’s got a mustache.

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  29. “that is the main cultural driver that will bring legalized polygamy to the west. gay marriage helps hasten the coming of that day.”

    The welfare state must go first. Anyway it all started in the sixties. The free love revolution primarily benefited alphas. Think about it. Who were the leading exponents of the free love movement? Rock stars. Who would most likely benefit if women abandoned monogamy and committed relationships? Rock stars.

    The Man Who is Thursday has a fascinating post about this and much else. Something I had never thought of before – Communism never worked because if everybody is equal, then how does society decide who gets the prettiest girls? After all, this is pretty much the only real purpose to male status hierarchies. I’ve never encountered this argument in a political science textbook before. Maybe because political scientists are clueless about human nature.

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  30. By the way polygamy is already operating through ever increasing marriage age of women. More and more women only love alpha males in their teens and twenties and then expect to marry a nice beta male. Through late marriage the beta male is cheated out of a woman’s most desirable years.
    Result:
    -aplha males enjoy polygamy in a woman’s most fertile and attractive years
    -beta males don’t fuck women when they are most fuckeable
    -some women become spinters who leave marriage for too late.

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  31. the result is that more average males get locked out of marriage and long term relationships.

    It’s highly interesting to see the idea that things were “better” in the old days. Yet, I wonder, under the current system, I have the potential to possibly have sex with a hot woman. In the old days, I couldn’t entertain the thought of that concept. I’m wondering if it’s better to have monogamy with some so-so looking girl and having boring sex for over thirty years in marriage, or living off porn, prostitution, and sex robots and holding out for potential hot girls, or in this case, the alternatives in lieu of allowing alpha males to collude and take all the women.

    I’m against polygamy, but marrying some ugly girl just to get laid seems pathetic and loserish and just as bad. Then, it’s just as bad because you’ll end up supporting her ugly ass and raising the ugly kids together…

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  32. I’m a libertarian at heart. One of my base beliefs is “If you wanna do something and it doesn’t harm anyone else, you should be free to do it.”

    Polygamy, prostitution and gay marriage fall into this category. (Snorting massively addictive substances does not fall into this category, but that’s another conversation.)

    Let’s free ourselves from the shackles of antiquated social conventions. Free love for everyone!

    Damn, I sound like some 60s hippie.

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  33. Azuzuru:
    But polygamy does harm others. Others have already mentioned the socially disruptive effect of few men hoarding most of the women. There is also the inbreeding factor: as few men sire most of the children, there will be a lot of the cousins and possibly even half-siblings co-mingling. Yuck. Besides, you probably don’t want to see your society take on Middle Eastern qualities, your sons to have a slim chance of getting a girl, and your daughters competing for no 3 or 4 wife slot, do you?

    I have some acquaintance with polygamy. It’s no picnic for the gals either. The older first wife is typically a tyrant to the younger wives, like a mother-in-law, but also with first dibs on the husband. And the husband tends to sanction the female pecking order, with the first wife not only having a complete run of the house, but also usually being the one that the husband loves and respects above the other girls.

    I have a feeling that absent a war that wipes out millions of young men, such as WW1, a formally polygamous society would be unsustainable in the West.

    And any young guy who thinks he’ll win in a polygamy-sanctioning society better be careful what he wishes for.

    David A:
    Your point of view on this is too binary. You don’t need to marry an “ugly” girl. If you find a 6 or a 7 who isn’t too fat or skinny for you, and you have compatible personalities, chances are you’ll be happy. And besides, you can still have your pron while married.

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  34. (forgot to sign my last post to Azuzuru and David) –PA

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  35. cuchulkhan: that’s because people who “think logically” never take into account basic human drives and motivations because, if the logical conclusion is justified, we can put it on a pedestal and suppress any instinctual feelings we have that contradict the logical answer.

    In theory communism would be great, but anyone who thinks about it at all comes to the conclusion you cited. If a man can’t do anything to offer more to a woman than every other man, he can’t compete for the best pussy, which means he’s unhappy and will do everything he can to leave and find a place where he can.

    I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about an admittedly highly nerdy topic and that is what the world will come to when work no longer equates to money – when we have a society mechanized enough (chiefly through free robotic labor) that nobody has to work in order for world industry to continue to produce the luxury goods we work to afford. Value is derived from human work – we pay for cars because we individually cannot make them – time, expertise, materials – so we exchange our time (i.e. earning money) for the time of the people involved in making our cars. When we can get a car without paying for another human’s time, what, I wonder, will we do with ourselves?

    The only thing that will prevent society from lapsing into a total do-nothing no-motivation world where everyone lays around and smokes heroin all day is the irrepressible urge for men to spend energy and effort doing something to attract the highest quality females. If everyone is given $10,000 of free money to spend on robot-provided material goods per month, the 10’s will seek out the men who do some kind of work to earn more than $10,000. You can say what you want about status girls but as much as we have the urge to compete with other men, girls have the urge to seek out the men who are winning that competition, and monetary/material status is the most visible and most common way for a man to demonstrate that he is winning, and girls dig it. It’s universal.

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  36. I have some acquaintance with polygamy.

    I agree with you PA. Polygamy may sound nice in theory for women, but any real feminist can tell you that it’s a crippling position. It can only operate successfully in places where women’s rights are severely constrained and women have no ability to earn an income, and the men are incapable of improving their income status as well.

    Your point of view on this is too binary. You don’t need to marry an “ugly” girl. If you find a 6 or a 7 who isn’t too fat or skinny for you, and you have compatible personalities, chances are you’ll be happy. And besides, you can still have your pron while married.

    The problem is that the 6 and 7 women are good-looking, but not sexually attractive enough for me to bother with in a relationship. If I need porn in a marriage, then it makes marriage rather pointless, and I might as well enter into some bizzare system where we’re unmarried, I just hand her checks in exchange for friendship and out of sympathy, and she gets knocked up by some alpha, and I live off porn and prostitutes. One should marry the hottest person possible and hope that she maintains her hotness for as long as possible. Marrying some girl just because you get along with her and she allows periodic use of her vagina is a poor reason to get married or even enter any romantic relationship. Instead, that’s a good reason to be her friend while she fucks the alphas.

    I have a 150 GB of porn on my external hard drive, and I’m about to buy a 300GB drive to add to my collection. I want a hot porn star slut caked in heavy makeup, short skirts, high heels and fake nails. It’s going to take better than a “6 or 7 with personality” to get me off porn.

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  37. 6 or a 7 who isn’t too fat or skinny for you

    I find it interesting that you stated “too fat or skinny for you”. Do different men find too fat and too skinny to be at different ranges? There are plenty of girls who I’ve said were beautiful, but others have called them “fat cows”, and those girls were size 10. In addition, I hate girls in porn where their rib cages are showing thru their skin. I prefer girls with meat on their bones, and skinny ass model-type girls with D cups don’t work for me either.

    I’m probably just weird…

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  38. David,
    You overrate the importance of beauty in your potential wife (as long as she’s above your attractiveness threshold). As the saying goes, show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I’ll show you a man who is tired of f***ing her.

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  39. A few days ago Roissy just posted about how hotter women induce better sexual performance from men. Why put up with a just a beautiful woman when I could have better sex with a hot woman. Marriage is highly overrated, and system where men are free to enter into platonic friendships with women and have sex on the side with hot women would work wonders for society in replacing marriage. In turn, allowing women the freedom to fuck alphas and have beta males as platonic friends would stave off the polygamy concerns. Sure you’re less likely to spread your genes, but who cares when you’re having sex with hot women. This solution seems way better than having boring married people sex with some woman whose looks turn to crap after you marry her and wither away once the children are born and she’s too busy to bother with you, and you end up returning to porn, except, you’re married and you have even less privacy.

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  40. David Alexander, have you ever even had sex? How the hell do you know what you would want/like/be satisfied with in bed until you have some experience? Believe me, a 6 or 7 who is a type you like and is really good in bed can blow your mind. Actual real life sex is not like porn.

    All your endless theorizing about how relationships are pointless because you need a really hot woman you couldn’t get is just a set of excuses for you not to get out there and get laid. It’s all about your fear of women.

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  41. “the result is that more average males get locked out of marriage and long term relationships.”

    are you calling yourself average??

    It does not matter if guys are hitting on a girl online or in the bar/club, if she has low self-esteem she will be happy with any guy hitting on her. Ever seen some of the revolting chicks rolling around DC on the weekends?? Beer-goggled douche bags still hit on them.

    Your “nonconformist chicks” don’t have low self-esteem, they just have the brains to know better, thank you very much.

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  42. David Alexander, have you ever even had sex?

    Yes, I have had sex. Porn looked way better, and masturbation gave me a better orgasm than real sex. The girls in porn look sexual. Most women in real life don’t really have any sexual features. Porn sex looks better than real life sex, and porn women look better. It’s hard to find a 6 or 7 sexually attractive when she’ll never worship my cock in the same way that a porn star does. Shit, even the little things like my nail fetish and love of women in high heel shoes and lots of makeup just gets in the way of enjoying normal women sexually.

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  43. @DA

    Man, I really feel badly for you, brother. I have a girlfriend whose attractive and aging gracefully, but still aging. I really like her and keep myself faithful to her. As much as I enjoy porn, it’s nothing close to the feeling of being with a woman you really like and who wants to jump your cock at the slightest excuse.

    I’d marry her tomorrow if kids were possible; she has two I have none.

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  44. on October 14, 2008 at 3:21 am ResidentCynic

    Not futile for most men. Most men don’t aspire to meet lots of attractive women.

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  45. on October 14, 2008 at 3:29 am ResidentCynic

    BTW, “polygamy” already exists among many powerful men (and some not-so powerful). These are called mistresses and there’s no need for state-sponsored polygamy. Besides, in case you guys have been asleep, the divorce rate has been increasing and the marriage rate is *decreasing*.

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  46. […] February 3, 2009 by roissy Even though I’ve beaten the odds and had success with online game the few times I’ve ventured onto the internet to score pussy, I don’t recommend it. For most guys, the odds are too long, and the playing field too tilted in favor of women, mostly fat BBBWs. Examining the dynamics with cold logic will lead to the conclusion that online dating is futile. […]

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  47. I’ve used several sites, mostly because I work from home (non-nerd software engineer and ex-pro musician in Nashville).

    I’ve met more available, hot, willing participants on line than in bars. Bar women expect the typical BS pick-up crap, so I don’t try very hard in that scene. However, on line, it may take longer to make a connection, but the sexual compatibility is usually much, much better. One reason is that the intrinsic impersonal nature of email helps women to be more revealing of their secrets more quickly. This can be employed to advantage by the attentive and calculating man.

    However, there is always the risk of eventually meeting her, and having to admit that, once again, you’d do her a few times, but then you’d dump her because , although she’s got a hot bod an loves to fuck, you don’t want to be seen in public with that face that will stop a freight train.

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  48. […] Even though I’ve beaten the odds and had success with online game the few times I’ve ventured onto the internet to score pussy, I don’t recommend it. For most guys, the odds are too long, and the playing field too tilted in favor of women, mostly fat BBBWs. Examining the dynamics with cold logic will lead to the conclusion that online dating is futile. […]

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  49. I added this comment to successful online game, but it’s probably more relevent here:

    It’s so easy to be busted online. Basically just before you go out with a girl it’s the easiest thing in the world for them to ask an attractive friend to send you a message of interest (or they can just setup a bs account sounding hot) and if you take the bait – whoosh – it’s all gone.
    I’m pretty sure this has happened to me a couple of times at least: contact mysteriously stops dead after receiving an expression of interest from another fairly hot profile.
    There’s no real way around this other than to ignore incoming messages for a while (of course you can keep sending out messages with very low risk of getting busted).
    It’s a frustrating and powerful weapon they have up their sleeve.

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  50. […] their personalities improve). This is a call to arms. Men need to walk away from Facebook and online dating sites and force these chicks back into the harsh Klieg lights of the primal mating field where the […]

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  51. Women don’t get as many emails on online dating sites as you suggest. I posted a fake profile on OkCupid with the picture of a 7 online to see what kind of competition I was up against. She received some emails no doubt not not a flood by any means. She maybe got ~1 a day. A bunch on the first day and then it trailed off steeply. Many days she got none. I’m sure a 10 would get more but I doubt that even she would get 100 per day.

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  52. […] is one reason, among others, I advise against any sort of online game. The combination of self-selected profiles and nonstop beta adulation will boost a 5′s […]

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  53. […] is one reason, among others, I advise against any sort of online game. The combination of self-selected profiles and nonstop beta adulation will boost a 5′s […]

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  54. Awesome article Roissy. The odds of finding a woman when joining the ranks as a confidence blown and socially awkward male really puts us back a few with women. Online dating is indeed tilted towards women and puts men in a very tough position.

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