Brushing Off Common Shit Tests From Girls

Reexamining my successful pickups, it becomes clear that 80% of early verbal game is simply knowing when a girl is tossing you shit tests and how to handle them like an attractive man. Almost all good-looking women worth banging will, at one point or another, shit test you. It is coded in their DNA. The easiest and quickest way to make yourself more desirable to a woman is to pass her tests like a champ; in other words, to exploit her alpha male filtering mechanism.

Many men write asking for advice about women’s shit tests. Judging by email quantity, it’s a big stumbling block for a lot of would-be womanizers.There have been posts at the Chateau before about passing commonly encountered shit tests, so in the spirit of giving the people what they want, here is another installment in a continuing series. Thanks go to reader Legion for contributing his selection of devious female screening ploys. Edification and analysis follows. Comments from me are bracketed in italics.

Before beginning, one thing I’d like to note is that a big mistake I see a lot of men making — besides an inability to recognize a shit test when it is leveled at them — is sounding spiteful in response. The critical distinction to make when volleying a shit test is to avoid confusing sneering umbrage for cocky indifference. The line is surprisingly thin between the two attitudes. You definitely want to focus on tailoring your replies and your tone of voice to sound like the latter. A good rule of thumb: if your reply to a shit test would sound like it is coming from a man who cares that his feelings were bruised, don’t say it. Another key point — barring infrequent exceptions, your shit test replies should be succinct. Brevity is the glow of clits.

Here are some common shit tests that I’ve encountered over the years – including ones from guys trying to punk you in front of girls – and most of the answers (in bold) are my own; a few are culled from the PUA literature.

The shit tests that blindside you are the ones that really mess you up, like a punch you don’t see coming. This does extreme violence to how you’re perceived. Vaginas snap shut and dessicate abruptly.

I think mastering shit tests is KEY to success. A man with “savoir faire” is magnetic. Girls secretly spurt their panties when an alpha male is challenged in public by other men or women; she excitedly wonders how will he react. I’ve seen this before, many times: you never forget that look of hyper-aroused delight (or crushing sadness) in your girl’s face if you dominate other men (or get owned).

I think game should be expanded to cover how men interact with other men. [Editor: Agreed. However, since the majority of shit testing is done by girls, the focus shall remain on male-female interaction. Most men won’t attempt to punk you in front of a girl you are gaming. There are only so many heavy ballsacks in circulation.]

Anyway, I’d like to hear your take on these; the list is pretty basic so far. It’s not that the answers are particularly clever; it’s just that they work, and you know in the back of your mind you’re armed.

Shit tests

“Do I know you?” / “Why are you talking to me?”

Oh, I forgot there was a no-talking policy here between strangers.

[Editor: I’d drop the “between strangers” part. Otherwise, very good. Alternate replies: “You wish.” / “Your mom said you were lonely.”]

***

“I have a boyfriend”

That’s nice, well done. [keep plowing, then eject if no IOIs]

[Other good IHAB replies are here.]

***

*She asks you to do something such as get something for her, do her a favour, carry something, buy her a drink, etc*

I think you have me confused with every other guy you’ve met.

[Excellent. Alternate reply: “Does this always work for you?”]

***

“Why don’t you give me a straight answer”

It’s more fun for me not to.

[Serviceable. Catchier wording: “Where’s the fun in that?” Alternate reply: “I didn’t know this was a job interview.”]

***

“Is that your best line?”

Yeah I’ve been practising it all day.

or

Yeah, now it’s your turn.

[I wouldn’t call attention to her framing of the situation. Reframe. Say “Is that your best hair color?”]

***

“Weirdo”

Square.

or

I’m glad you like it.

[“Weirdo” is a tough one. This is more of the female version of a straight up insult rather than a shit test. A lot depends on the tone in which she says it. I’d almost be tempted to backturn on a girl flinging this at me. Alternate replies: “Smelly cooties girl.” “Dork.” “I’m blown away by your scintillating conversation.”]

***

“Kiddo” (from a sassy ho trying to take you down a peg)

Have you watched Kill Bill a little too often?

[I don’t think I’ve ever heard “kiddo” from a girl. I’d probably just ignore it.]

***

“Aw, that’s sweet”

Don’t get used to it.

[Alternates: “I’m one badass motherfucking romantic.” “Yo, check yourself.”]

***

“Your clothes are gay/look stupid”

You fuckin love it.

[Alternate: “Try not to swoon.”]

***

“Are you gay?”

No but my boyfriend is.

[Good answer. Alternate: “Yes, I’m very happy right now.”]

***

From guys: “You look like shit/ you’re fat/ugly/skinny/short/whatever.”

That’s not what your mother said last night.

[Alternates: “Stay classy, champ.” “Are you for real? I thought douchebags like you were only on TV.” “Is this a come-on? Sorry, I don’t swing that way.”]

***

“You look like a player”

Thank you.

[Be careful of overqualifying yourself when she asks you this. Good answer if she is seriously concerned: “I used to be, but those days are behind me.” Good answer if she’s clearly busting your balls: “World’s biggest. One billion served.”]

***

“Sweetheart”

Sugar tits.

[Alternate: “Don’t get clingy.”]

***

“You’re a nerd/geek” (when you say something remotely intelligent or beyond a grunt)

That’s what dumbasses call smart people.

[Whoa, too spiteful. Trading insults is not gonna get you closer to a lay. Alternate: “Absolutely. I’m too sexy for my pocket protector.”]

***

“Did you miss me?”

I know you missed me.

[Alternate: “Oh my god, I spent months building a shrine to you and dreaming of your return.”]

***

“Asshole”

That’s mr asshole to you.

[Alternate: “I do what I can.”]

***

“I can’t believe you said that”

*Don’t reply; just smirk and nod*

[Ignoring her shit test is acceptable in this situation. Many shit tests aren’t meant to be answered; they are merely meant to provoke an apologetic response from betas.]

***

A skinny twat (male): “Is that shirt a size too small?” (if you’re jacked. This insult is leveled at any jacked guy who wears a t-shirt, whether small or not)

It’s all I could find in your mother’s closet.

[Alternate: “Couldn’t help noticing, could you?”]

***

“I like your clothes.”

Cool. I can take them off later to give you a closer look.

[Flattery can be as much of a shit test as peevishness. Betas will eat up flattery; alphas will ignore or playfully turn it around on the girl. Alternate reply: “Flattery will get you everywhere.”]

***

“I don’t like you”

Sure you don’t.

[Again, how to respond to this shit test depends on tone. Did she say it coarsely, or with a peekaboo smile? If the former: “My heart will go on.” If the latter: (with much theatricality) “How can I go on living?!”]

***

“Smartass”

It’s better than being a dumbass 😉

[Alternate: “I try.”]

***

“Loser”

If in jest (“looo-ser”): Shut up ho 😉

If serious: Oh, the L-bomb. You must be really upset.

or

That’s what you are, but what am I?

[Remember, the “loser” bomb is potentially the worst thing a girl can call a man. The female equivalent is “ugly”. Much rests on her tone when she said it. “I know you are but what am I” is a good reply to her if she has said it in jest; otherwise, I’d ditch her without a moment’s thought.]

***

(From a male, or a warpig) “Why aren’t you drinking, are you a bitch or something?”

Your mother promised me buttsex if I quit the drink.

or

I’m on acid.

[Alternate, if from a man: “Why, are you looking for a date rape?” If from a warpig: “I need to see clearly, if you know what I mean.”]

***

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

I haven’t found one who’s rich enough.

[Solid answer. Alternate: “Just lucky, I guess.”]

***

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

No, I have 8 of them.

[Alternate: “It’s complicated.”]

***

*Grabbing or pawing at you* (especially by a guy, trying to exert dominance)

Hey, no touching, admire from a distance.

[Alternate: “You can look, but no touching.”]

***

Now for ones I’m not too sure about. If you have any suggestions, let’s hear em.

*She completely ignores you, or tells you to fuck off*

(just leave, unfazed, and open another set)

Still, this is embarassing, and hard to smoothly walk away from.

[Walking away like she doesn’t exist is your best option. Alternate responses: “You’ve got the wrong idea. I’m interested in your friend/the girl sitting next to you.” “My hour’s not up yet. A deal’s a deal.”]

***

“Are you trying to be funny?”

You need to lighten up [eject].

[Alternate: “Are you trying to be sexy?”]

***

Angry, cunty tone: “Who do you think you are?”

[“Fuck you, that’s who I am.” Or, on a lighter note: “I’m your wettest dream.”]

***

“What’s your name again? I’ve forgotten?” (Guys use this a lot)

[“I.P. Daily.” “Hugh Jorgan.” “Seymour Butts.”]

***

“You’re a bum.”

[“The bum you love.”]

***

“Who did your hair?”

[Your boyfriend.]

***

*You legitimately fuck up and blush hard* (e.g. walking to my young female professor’s class one day I (loudly) declared to my friend I was going to skip next week’s class, and the professor could “lick my sack” if she’s unhappy about that. She was walking right behind us and clearly heard.)

[“Well, there goes that D-.”]

***

Douchey guy: “Shut up, faggot. Haha, just kidding! We’re all friends!” (trying to exert dominance – an insult followed by a “just kidding” to shield himself.)

[“No we’re not. You didn’t get the memo?” Or: “That’s right, faggot! Faggot friends forever!”]

***

“Have you read The Game? / Do you know who David Deangelo/Mystery is?”

(i.e. trying to expose you as a fakester or manipulator)

[“A friend told me about it. It’s pretty interesting stuff.” Or: “No need. I wrote the book on seducing women.”]

***

“I’m out of your league, honey”

[“The league of hot chicks?” Or: “Don’t sell yourself short.”]

Here are some other shit tests you may confront in your journey to pussyland, and ways to reply to them.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Good thing. I can’t take much more boredom.”

“Are you a moron?”

“Sorry, I’m not your type.”

From a commenter: “400 guys emailed me on match…. why should I date you?”

“You’re right. Better stick to dating desperate men.” Or: “I cook a mean fried beer pocket.”

“We are two totally different people.”

“I know. I’m cool, and you’re… [nod your head and raise your eyebrows confidentially]”

“Hey, you said the same thing to that other girl!”

“Nice job, stalker.”

“Do you always come on to girls like this?”

“Only the ones who deserve it.”

“Why are you out alone?”

“So I don’t have to listen to my friends whine about me taking all the girls.”

“Oh, you’re one of *those* guys.”

“Your ex-boyfriend?”

“Don’t get the wrong idea.”

“You’re a tranny?” Or: “Please, I’m not that type of guy. You’ve gotta wine and dine me.”

“Do you like my new dress/shoes/jeans?”

“It’s nice for handsewn.”

“What’s your deal?”

“I hit on special needs girls.” (Ok, not really recommended, but damned funny in the right scenario.)

“Is this the best you can do?”

“Right now? Yes.” Or: “I’m not inspired enough yet.”





Comments


  1. Hey Vodka chick.
    I want to work you over and just treat you filthy in the bedroom. I’m 6’2, 195 lbs, 22 year old, athlete. I like sports, traveling, whiskey, gambling and you, what else you need to know? You can either meet me in Vegas at the Bellagio on the 16th or come to Austin, let me know.

    Like


  2. Haha witty first comment.

    Like


  3. Whitey,you are a simpering asshole.

    Like


  4. Whitey

    Hey Vodka chick.
    I want to work you over and just treat you filthy in the bedroom.

    because she hates Texas –
    that line will only get you anal

    Like


  5. Vodka I would also be willing to ravage you. I’m currently based in Ontario but travel often all over North America.

    Like


  6. Always keep the frame. Always always always keep the frame.

    Like


  7. tl;dr

    I have this theory that Whitey likes that Vodka chick.

    Like


  8. Yesterday at the dog park, I half-jokingly negged a girl on her scarf.

    Her response: “My boyfriend likes them.”

    Me (with a smirk): I’m sure lots of guys find you attractive, but I wasn’t hitting on you.

    Is there any way to shorten that response and make it wittier?

    Like


  9. Killers. All Killers.

    Like


  10. To handle male punking I find: “Please stop flirting with me” or some variation of it to work very well.

    Like


  11. “did you say something?”

    Like


  12. Mukluk

    Vodka I would also be willing to ravage you. I’m currently based in Ontario but travel often all over North America.

    i’ll take bets that she takes you up on THIS offer, for an Ontario Ravishing consists of the male reciting only 29 Browning Sonnets before sticking it in her

    Like


  13. Look at this “expert”:

    Like


  14. “It’s nice for handsewn.”

    goddammm!

    Like


  15. great stuff. heard some of these over the weekend. i think i did pretty well with most of em, but the flattery got me. “you’re a good kisser.” i had nothing for that, and just said “thanks.” i knew in my gut that it was a bad response.

    Like


  16. chateaux et al
    “Weirdo”

    Square.

    or

    I’m glad you like it.

    [“Weirdo” is a tough one. This is more of the female version of a straight up insult rather than a shit test.

    weirdo is one to beware; golden advice here.

    Like


  17. Chateau said

    Ignoring her shit test is acceptable in this situation. Many shit tests aren’t meant to be answered; they are merely meant to provoke an apologetic response from betas.

    Best piece of advice in the entire post, right there.

    Like


  18. Johnny_Marks

    Look at this “expert”:

    christ – no wonder them aye-rabs always clog up PUA forums…

    Like


  19. Fantastic collection.

    Don’t know if anyone else has run into this, but drunk girls have started grabbing my crotch in public after the conversation takes a sexual turn. I’ve gotten it several times. The best responses I’ve found:

    “Jesus, you could at least buy me a drink first.” HT: Mystery

    “Hey, five bucks to touch. Ten if you wanna see it.” HT: Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights

    Like


  20. The biggest shit test I encounter is simply ‘what do you do?’. It’s the universal higher-value barometer, and the worst thing you can possibly do is answer straight up. Unless you have a rare and high status job – i.e., you play in a band, or are a race car driver, do not give in. Even if you’re a high priced lawyer/banker/douchebag, any talk of work will immediately steer the conversation into boredom tingle killing territory.

    I’ll generally say that I ‘do this’, whatever it may be at the time – attending a party, hanging out at a bar, reading at a cafe. Then steer that into ‘apprenticing socialite’, or ‘Paris Hilton’s next BFF’ if the first one draws a blank. This generally works quite well. The longer you can elude your giving a straight answer, the stronger the tingles.

    On a side note – shit test are one thing, but how do you deal with a girl who turns out to be so insufferably stupid/shallow/materialistic/delusional/neurotic that not even overt hotness can compensate for it?

    Seriously, it’s a real stumbling block and disqualifies probably 80% of bangable women I talk to.

    Like


  21. on October 4, 2010 at 3:16 pm Vincent Ignatius

    Many shit tests aren’t meant to be answered; they are merely meant to provoke an apologetic response from betas.

    This is an excellent point. Most times when a girl is expressing dissatisfaction at something, you should ignore her. Unless you just backed over her cat, there is no reason to apologize.

    Like


  22. East_Pole,

    ‘what do you do?’

    Your right. It is always best to hold off answering that one a long as possible. Only give an answer before the moment you are going to lose her to frustration.

    It is really a high wire act that one. But it is one of the cornerstones of my Game.

    “how do you deal with a girl who turns out to be so insufferably stupid/shallow/materialistic/delusional/neurotic that not even overt hotness can compensate for it?

    Seriously, it’s a real stumbling block and disqualifies probably 80% of bangable women I talk to.”

    No way to deal with it.

    I have found that drinking and drugging myself helps though.

    – MPM

    Like


  23. Oldie but goodie:
    Dealing with I have a boyfriend. [YouTube video – work warning, contains swear words]

    So which of you made that video?

    Like


  24. on October 4, 2010 at 3:22 pm (R)Evolutionary

    Re: the response to the “Weirdo” shit test:

    “Of course. Wyrd came from Old English, and means “holy” or “close to God.”

    Like


  25. @MPM

    “I like to drink, and I like to fuck. Unfortunately, I’m not much good at both at the same time” – Charles Bukowski.

    Like


  26. Indeed, especially in dc, talking to people leads to the inevitable “what do you do,” line, the following conversation is a complete killer of sexy time mood. Nothing is more soberizing than talking shop, so your response is a good idea, it may not be a shit test but best to treat it as one (wasn’t this an AMOG strategy?). In the past, I’ve just made up a random, ridiculous jobs I’ve heard about, like food photographer.

    Like


  27. East_Pole hit on a common question DC women throw out almost immediately upon meeting you, although I don’t treat it as a shit test per se anymore and using it as a leaping off point for her to qualify herself to me instead. I usually stick to a cocky funny response followed by the real thing when they persist, followed by asking the same of them and using open ended questions to keep her talking. The longer she talks the more invested she’ll get.

    Like


  28. East_Pole,

    ““I like to drink, and I like to fuck. Unfortunately, I’m not much good at both at the same time” – Charles Bukowski.”

    To my knowledge, Bukowski never had access to E-tabs.

    – MPM

    Like


  29. I think one good rule regarding shit tests is that under no circumstance are you required to answer these questions…

    Blow them off. Re-framing includes changing the subject, e.g. “are you interogating me, what’s with this whole Q&A, I thought we were having a converstion?”

    And similar responses.

    Like


  30. Great stuff Roissy, but I don’t understand something.

    “Don’t sell yourself short.” (in response to “I’m out of your league).

    I don’t get it. Selling yourself short means that you are failing to live up to your potential. Sooo, if you’re telling a girl to not sell herself short in this context, it seems like you’re agreeing with her that she is out of your league.

    Is the point of the line to get her to think about what you just said?

    Like


  31. “What do you do?”

    Brunettes mostly.

    Like


  32. Thanks R for being a people’s champ. Give the crowd what they want!

    @G

    He did have access to cocaine though and why would you ever want to fuck on E? You will ruin sober sex for life.

    Like


  33. @BigIP

    Epic response. Very bold…

    Like


  34. What happened to simply ignoring what they said? There’s nothing interesting about some lame Hepburn/Tracy exchange after the first 5 seconds. It gets old.

    You don’t verbally spar with a small child, so why bother with a grown woman who insists upon behaving like one? Unless you like it, of course. Whatever floats your boat.

    A good response to “weirdo” is licking your finger then sticking it in her drink and stirring it. It couldn’t hurt your image any more if she already thinks you’re a weirdo. Or if she’s eating food just fucking smash it then leave. Or take it.

    Take her drink. And her wallet.

    Like


  35. Loser? Smartass? Weirdo?

    And any other attempt at being snide or a put-down, I reply with, “That’s the nicest thing you said to me all [day, night, week, etc.].”

    Demonstrates you’re completely unaffected by any attempt to push your buttons, or rile you into a defensive response, and is said in a very playful manner.

    Like


  36. BigIP – ““What do you do?”
    Brunettes mostly.”

    Ideally you say that if she’s a blond (or redhead.) Then add, “But you might do.”

    Like


  37. @BigIP

    That is gold, and I’m stealing that.

    With the obvious caveat that you don’t want to use it on brunettes. I think the optimal balance is to tell blondes that you mostly do brunettes, brunettes that you mostly do redheads, and redheads that you mostly do blondes.

    (What do you tell Asian girls? Why, that you’re an investment banker!)

    Like


  38. Me – “A good response to “weirdo” is licking your finger then sticking it in her drink and stirring it. It couldn’t hurt your image any more if she already thinks you’re a weirdo. Or if she’s eating food just fucking smash it then leave. Or take it.”

    Remind me not to invite this guy to any of my parties.

    Like


  39. “Is that your best line?”

    . . .

    [I wouldn’t call attention to her framing of the situation. Reframe. Say “Is that your best hair color?”]

    That hair comment makes me horny long time.

    Like


  40. I’m glad I’ll never have to deal with shit tests, since I consider them to be deal breakers.

    Like


  41. Yeah, you change it to blondes if she’s a brunette, etc. If she takes the bait, you can change the frame to making her qualify to you as ‘your type’. You have to deliver it with Steve McQueen matter-of-fact cool.

    Like


  42. contrarian, your landscape must be littered with broken deals.

    Like


  43. Yup, Contrarian, Hentai girls never shit test.

    Like


  44. Shit tests…what do you mean?

    Like


  45. Looser/weirdo/geek

    I extend my hand and say my name (or whatever name pops into my mind) and: “Nice to meet you, looser/weirdo/geek!”

    If she extends back, means she has a sense of humor and worth some investment. I shift to NLP right away, no point wasting time.

    If not, I just leave for greener pastures.

    Like


  46. One of the best things I have taken from game and social dynamics between men and women is the “shit test” concept. Once its understood why women do it, it becomes a fun and a very powerful tool. I still have a long way to go, but just learning this one facet has made my love life so much better.I have been fb’ing an 8 for over a year now, and I have even imparted to here the concept of “shit-testing” and why she and all her fellow females do it. Its actually fun, and more importantly, an asset in keeping girls on their toes.
    I have even said to her to on occasion “Are you feeling insecure around my sheer alphaness kitten? Is that why your shit testing today? I dunno why, long as you keep going to the gym and using Maybelline, you got nothing to worry about”

    She even laughs along with it, then gets over herself.

    Shit-testing for me is even more important once the relationship goes past the two month mark and your in the fb zone. Its the male equivalent of not letting yourself get all confy and fat like most girls do when they “settle”.

    Like


  47. matt – i think the implication is that one is implying she is below your league. i.e – if you were thinner/hotter, you might make into my league

    Like


  48. Golden Answer:

    “Does it matter”

    In 100% of cases, the above answer neutralizes any shit test…

    Like


  49. oooh, sexy bunghole ravaging.

    Like


  50. Mike Litoris,

    your comment

    “Yup, Contrarian, Hentai girls never shit test.”

    made me laugh & laugh & laugh.

    Thank you!

    Like


  51. Her: “Is that your best line?”

    Me: “No, I still have an ace in my sleeve, wanna check?”

    (I sometimes carry a card deck for an entertainment mind fuck purposes, and have the ace on both top/bottom; it is easy to reach into my pocket and grab one and slip into my sleeve. Easy to switch to tricks then and she’ll forget shit testing for a while)

    An alt for loser if pronounced with a disgust: “Bore”, pronounced with the same disgust, and turn around and leave. Chances are she’ll change her mind and will be be trying to prove she is not a bore at all, in 5-10 minutes.

    Like


  52. I think StageTwo’s description of shit tests as her way of rubbing up against your manhood makes sense.

    Like


  53. Silver Fox

    Golden Answer:

    “Does it matter”

    In 100% of cases, the above answer neutralizes any shit test…

    And any further potential interaction, 100%! 🙂

    Like


  54. what

    Shit tests…what do you mean?

    Blue. 🙂

    Like


  55. @Morsellaux

    You’re so wrong. Way off. It matters on tone.

    Like


  56. Escarondito

    You mean on: “Does it matter”, right?

    Yes, but repeat it twice as she won’t stop and you are through.

    Like


  57. Why the hell would you be dumb enough to repet it twice?

    Like


  58. And BTW, a good point, Escarondito. You need to be aware of the tone and notice subtleties of her interaction with you, sometimes improvisation is way better than canned responses if you pay attention.

    Like


  59. on October 4, 2010 at 4:51 pm David Rockefeller

    Jesus, pretty much all these lines are straight out of junior high.

    Any advice for those of us over 25?

    Like


  60. “What do you do?”

    I rob banks. Want to be my driver?

    As little as possible

    What don’t I do?

    Define “do”

    I’m not allowed to tell you that

    [Shit, there’s a million clever responses that will serve to redirect]

    Like


  61. Escarondito, I wouldn’t. But I bet someone may try because they would take that 100% without thinking. Problem with Silver Fox’s presentation, not with my contention.

    Like


  62. “Have you read The Game? / Do you know who David Deangelo/Mystery/Roissy is?”

    “I’m not a player, I just fuck a lot.”

    Like


  63. @zammo

    I always answer “Party and Bullshit”. Always gets a laugh, and judging ber her response lets me know what type of girl she is.

    @mor

    Agreed. People might take that 100% and keep running the line into the ground.

    Like


  64. David Rockefeller

    Jesus, pretty much all these lines are straight out of junior high.

    Any advice for those of us over 25?

    3 elements: No reply, redirect, reframe. That is all you need to know. Make your own lines that suit your target age group.
    Take the article as a model, not a manual.

    Like


  65. I prefer “twinkle tits” instead of “sugar tits,”

    .. it’s the alliteration that gets me..

    Like


  66. “Jesus, pretty much all these lines are straight out of junior high.

    Any advice for those of us over 25?”

    Yeah, lighten up and act like you are in junior high once in a while. It’s called being playful.

    In you’re not being playful in response to shit tests, you’re taking them too seriously. Responding to shit tests in an “adult” manner gives them too much weight.

    Like


  67. @Morsellaux
    @what

    “”Shit tests…what do you mean?

    Blue. :-)””

    but, what do you mean?

    hehehe!!

    Like


  68. Shit tests can put you on the defensive if you are too concerned with them. Basically don’t care what she says, plow on and blow off her comments or be funny. Beta’s react, Alpha’s act.

    Like


  69. on October 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm David Rockefeller

    Thanks, Morsellaux — I agree.

    Fred, part of what makes a line good is being able to deliver it in the right way.

    There’s no way those of us out of school, not living with mom or roommates, spending most waking hours at work, can say the above lines without sounding like a pissy loser. (Maybe a trained actor could, but I can’t.)

    [Editor: There’s nothing pissy about most of these lines. You have to understand that any time you challenge a woman on her shit the words will convey a certain assertiveness that unsettles the wilting flowers among us. Betas are simply not used to challenging girls in such a non-obsequious fashion.]

    Which is what Roissy cautioned against.

    Blow the delivery and you reveal yourself as a punk who allowed some chick to fuck with your head.

    Like


  70. Best I’ve heard.

    Her: Do you think I’m cute?
    Him: Hold on. Let me get another drink.

    Like


  71. what

    but, what do you mean?

    I mean what I say and say what I mean. Hehe.

    Like


  72. Most of these answers sound like they’re coming from someone emotionally bruised and pissed off. “Fuck you, that’s who I am.” Really?

    [Editor: Please read the post again for comprehension. The original emailer clearly wrote that the chick said “Who do you think you are?” in an angry, cunty tone. Given that premise, replying “Fuck you, that’s who I am” is perfectly appropriate.]

    That’s doesn’t sound like she got to you? And why would any girl call you a loser or a weirdo? How do you get to that point?

    [I agree that if a girl is calling you a weirdo, and not in a half-joking manner, then the pickup is beyond the point of salvation.]

    Like


  73. My favorite:

    “Why aren’t you drinking, are you a bitch or something?”

    Alpha: Your mother promised me buttsex if I quit the drink.

    *****

    That’s solid.

    The one I don’t agree with is this one in response to a girl asking you to get her a drink or carry something for her (by the way, do girls seriously ask dudes to carry things for them? I may not be anywhere near as high as you gamers would prefer due to my failure of #11 on the “Dating Market Test for Women” (asscrack hair), but surely no woman would ask this, would she??)

    Responding to such an absurd request with something like “I think you have me confused with every other guy you’ve met” would only reinforce her hotness, wouldn’t it?

    I think it would be better to respond with your other great line: “That’s not what your mother said last night” because it’s just a tried and true winner.

    Like


  74. @Morsellaux
    @what

    “”but, what do you mean?

    I mean what I say and say what I mean. Hehe.””

    okaaay! I’ll LET you win this time!! hehe!

    [Editor: Could you two get a real life room already? You’re making a messy turd out of the comments and driving away quality readers.]

    Like


  75. Snake, you judge it out of context. The delivery is more important. You could as well use “Blue”, or “It’s complicated” (where making a sense), but if your body language says the opposite of confidence, then not even prior blessing with holy water would help you.

    Why chicks resort to “loser”, etc. … Say there were already 10 men approaching her that evening. It’s a “bitch shield”. They were clones of each other and she is presuming you to be the same.

    Like


  76. The one that has worked for me across a variety of these tests is “I do what I can” which is nearly as good as the “It’s Complicated”.

    Like


  77. Editor, sorry. I guess I better get my blog going sooner than later. We’ll behave.

    Like


  78. my ballsack just grew after reading these.

    Like


  79. “I may not be anywhere near as high as you gamers would prefer due to my failure of #11 on the “Dating Market Test for Women” (asscrack hair)”

    Vodka continues to (masterfully) game the CR comments section…

    Like


  80. “Weirdo”

    Like a little hitler?

    Like


  81. GDub

    The one that has worked for me across a variety of these tests is “I do what I can”

    A chick with 2 brain cells response: “But it never seems to be enough!”

    It may work for you because of other factors, but I think it can be blasted away with ease, so use with caution after assessing the brain cells volume.

    Like


  82. Mike Litoris “Yup, Contrarian, Hentai girls never shit test.”

    I’ve never watched hentai.

    I don’t like the personality type that does shit tests, and want nothing to do with those women. Therefore I don’t have to care about shit tests.

    [Editor: contrarian, most women shit test. The frequency and severity of shit testing is based on the age and beauty of the woman. You could count the number of hot 22 year old Western women on one hand who will never shit test you. In contrast, a 40 year old fattie is going to be mightily grateful for any average man’s attention. She will not jeopardize her chances by shit testing to gain proof and pleasure of a man’s alphaness. Any man worth his stones would immediately discard such a low value woman for doing what younger, hotter women are able to do with regularity without incurring too much penalty. What this means is that if you want nothing to do with shit testing women then you are, de facto, saying you want nothing to do with the vast majority of desirable women.]

    Like


  83. You are a brave man, contrarian. To be alone for your whole life is no small feat!

    Like


  84. David Rockefeller–

    There’s no way those of us out of school, not living with mom or roommates, spending most waking hours at work, can say the above lines without sounding like a pissy loser. (Maybe a trained actor could, but I can’t.)

    It’s really not that hard. It’s a matter of embracing the right attitude. It’s really pretty easy if you actually are l

    The point isn’t really to memorize most of these lines but rather read them as illustrative of the best kinds of ways of parrying these shit tests. That is with an attitude that is cocky, bemused, aloof. Nothing’s bothering you, you have a comeback that’s often a neg of her e.g. after her “is that your best line” the “is that your best hair color” [judging her female version of game, how she gets herself up with makeup and clothes and hair, rather than keeping her frame of her judging your performance].

    Or a play on her words, an absurd answer, or agree and amplify on some question that’s an implied criticism “are you a player?” Embrace being at least sort of a player, or a “former player”, without exactly admitting it. The key thing is to not worry about proving yourself to her, qualifying yourself to her overtly, or worst, apologizing for your game.

    Like


  85. ok, we’ll behave haha!! promise.

    Like


  86. Unless you just backed over her cat, there is no reason to apologize.

    Even less reason to apologize then. Try a re-frame: “Why did you let your cat soil the underside of my car?”

    “I’m out of your league, honey”

    “What league is that, exactly?”

    I like “I’m on acid” for its escalation.

    Like


  87. ‘what do you do?’

    If asked by a gold-digger, respond with something psychotic like “I’m an axe-murderer.”

    The Dude’s response is half-way decent for nicer girls, “A little of this, a little of that.”

    Like


  88. “Ignoring her shit test is acceptable in this situation. Many shit tests aren’t meant to be answered; they are merely meant to provoke an apologetic response from betas”

    you hit the nail on the head, whenever a man tries to apologises, back off, explain himself, back down, retreat, he starts showing his weaknesses and lack of balls.

    As ModeOne said, never underestimate the power of ignoring a women and depriving her of your attention.

    another thing that I found quite helpful you mentioned on your blog earlier is to Agree and Amplify with a sarcastic tone.

    Like


  89. Yeaaaaaaaa!

    Like


  90. on October 4, 2010 at 7:43 pm David Rockefeller

    [Editor: There’s nothing pissy about most of these lines. You have to understand that any time you challenge a woman on her shit the words will convey a certain assertiveness that unsettles the wilting flowers among us. Betas are simply not used to challenging girls in such a non-obsequious fashion.]

    I seriously doubt most adult men could deliver these lines without sounding pissy, angry, hostile.

    [Editor: You don’t hang out much in social venues where 20-something women congregate and are hit on by a lot of cocky bastards, do you?]

    As I said, maybe a trained actor.

    [Seduction is acting. This goes for women, too.]

    For me, responding to a shit test with something about her mom promising me buttsex means the girl won and I lost. (That’s how the guys at work talk to one another.) I don’t move in circles where I can say that to a woman and still expect to get laid.

    [The “your mom” lines don’t do it for me, either, which is why I supplied alternate responses.]

    But then I’m older.

    I’m not disputing that girls will always shit-test guys and that there are bad, good, and better responses. But there’s also knowing how to respond, given the situation and what any particular one of us can actually pull off.

    [With practice, the delivery can be nailed. Obviously, you wouldn’t say these lines with a scowl. Either a neutral facial expression or a slight smirk do the trick.]

    I’m normally a bit too aggressive. I need to learn how come across cocky and assertive but friendly. Too many of these lines risk making me sound hostile and juvenile. So they’re not for me.

    [Chicks dig the juvenalia.]

    Like


  91. One thing Roissy doesn’t warn his readers enough about, IMHO, is when to “eject.”

    If you open a woman or a set, and you get anything like:

    -get lost, weirdo (loser/bum/etc.)
    -get ignored
    -or get some other openly rude reply

    …just eject, or say something pithy & snarky right back and then eject.

    There is a big difference between a shit test and an openly rude attitude or demeanor.

    Never put up with rude shit.

    Like


  92. What do you do?

    Probably just the smartass in me, but I’d be inclined to come up with something absurd and see how long I could make her buy it. Maybe Olympic unicyclist, professional shoe tier, etc. Say it with a twinkle in your eye but mock seriousness.

    Most will know its a joke right off, but especially in a group with several women one of them might become confused and think it is real. Then the others are in on the joke with you.

    But then again there is a reason people don’t come to me for game advice, so use at your own risk.

    Like


  93. on October 4, 2010 at 8:05 pm Chad Buffington

    Universal shit test answer for the lazy and uninspired:

    “Yeah?”

    Remember that you are not required to answer the shit test on her terms. Blow it off. Redirect the conversation. Reframe like the shit test never happened. Think of it like you’re a comedian getting heckled — don’t let it distract you, plow through with your act like you’re a fucking tank.

    Like


  94. Da Truth

    One thing Roissy doesn’t warn his readers enough about, IMHO, is when to “eject.”

    Careful reading may be enough not to need an emphasis. I think it was pretty clear.

    Like


  95. That has to be the “Legion” I knew IRL back in the day. I’d swear I can hear them comebacks in his most excellent “a cat couldn’t scratch it” voice. Dude used to rock the left coast scene; he was a hoot to watch in action, and an accomplished PUA for certain.

    Like


  96. Dear Mr. Roissy Chateau,

    What do you think of the general response, “Are you shit testing me?” with a bemused smirk?

    [Editor: Nowadays, this could work. It’s similar to calling out a girl’s friend for being a cockblocker. “Oh, you must be the designated cockblocker.” But a lot of girls won’t know what you’re talking about, either. You could get some blank stares.]

    Like


  97. on October 4, 2010 at 8:24 pm too late for romance

    The heckler/comedian comment made me thing of something.

    Go on youtube and watch some good comedians rip hecklers and you’ll get something from it regarding this shit. And a couple years back there was a documentary made about hecklers that had a lot of great interactions.

    I’ve learned a lot about things like presentation and timing from watching comedians live do the same act a couple of times too. Once they’ve been on the road for a few years the good ones get brutally efficient at putting disruptive people in their places and the best ones welcome heckling because they can riff off of whatever the heckler said because the veteran comedian has heard it literally at least 1000 times before at least.

    I would recommend and write more, but I am not missing football and beer.

    Like


  98. “You could count the number of hot 22 year old Western women on one hand who will never shit test you.”

    Quality, not quantity.

    [Editor: You’d make a good lotto player.]

    Morsellaux: “You are a brave man, contrarian. To be alone for your whole life is no small feat!”

    It’s actually pretty easy. You should try it some time.

    [So you’ve been alone your whole life? And you’re lecturing about quality? Oh sweet irony.]

    Like


  99. contrarian, I will take it into an advisement when I am 70. Thanks.

    Like


  100. on October 4, 2010 at 8:39 pm schfifty five

    Let me know if you guys think this was a shit test…

    I was out at a club with several people, then we meet up with two of my friend’s girlfriend’s friends, one of which is very hot.

    We are introduced, then some small talk, shouting under the blaring retard music.

    We dancee around for a while, long story short, she goes alone to the bar to get a drink. I walk over to her, smile, and ask what she’s getting.

    She acts sort of apprehensive, says “water”. Then “I’ll talk to you later”, and walks back to the group. I sat there at the bar, stewing, trying to act stoic and unperturbed.

    So I get up, kind of avoid her, and wander over to the other side of the club.

    Then, I look up and she’s back over at our original position at the bar, and looking right the fuck at me. My knee jerk reaction was to assume she was gloating over a guy she just had the sadistic pleasure of rejecting. I moved out of her sight and didnt talk to her again.

    Do you think maybe this was a shit test? Like maybe she wanted to see if I’d try to talk to her again?

    Either I went full beta on a shit test or was rejected coldly. I lose either way, but I’m interested in hearing another opinion.

    [Editor: She may have lied about wanting a water, and walked back to the bar to order a real drink. When you asked what she was having, she might have taken that as an offer to buy her a drink, which she didn’t want bought for her.
    But it’s hard to tell from what you wrote without seeing her facial expression. It’s also possible she just got a little shy when you sidled up, and was curious about you later on.]

    Like


  101. “Are you shit testing me?”

    I would rephrase it to “what are you, testing me?”

    Mr. Big used that line in SATC (episodes) when carrie “stalked” him to the church and he was with his mother.

    Like


  102. “Do I know you?” / “Why are you talking to me?”

    You should. How do you not know me? Do you go out?

    Alt: I am the most interesting guy you’ll ever meet. (Walk away)

    “I have a boyfriend”

    I don’t care.

    Alt: Great, keeps everything simple. (James Bond)

    “Do you have a girlfriend?”

    Yes 7 one for everyday of the week, so I don’t get too bored.

    I love my ADHD natural shit test defense.

    Anyways a lot of shit-tests can be avoided by you qualifying first and using the shit test/asking questions first.

    [Editor: This is a good point. Preempt shit testing by doing the testing yourself. Flip the script.]

    Like


  103. A simplification of game is necessary. Far too much effort is devoted to the mastery of trivial components. As Roissy mentioned, 80% of conversation is simply exuding indifferent confidence.

    A single clever response versus a mediocre one is unlikely to be the tipping point. In the end, women — at least a large percentage — go out to get laid too. To paraphrase an old saying, “You don’t have to be the fastest runner to survive a bear attack. You just have to be faster than the other guy.” Most guys are bereft of game, leaving little competition at the majority of venues. Plus, you have a wide margin of error if you simply approach frequently.

    Like


  104. Answer to the “What do you do?” question.
    “I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT! I have weekends off, and I am my own boss. ”
    Dudley Moore “Arthur”

    Like


  105. on October 4, 2010 at 9:43 pm Gunslingergregi

    Life is a shit test.

    he he he

    Like


  106. “So you’ve been alone your whole life? And you’re lecturing about quality? Oh sweet irony.”

    I’d rather hold out for someone I think is quality rather than settle for someone who’s not. I know, of course, that most people settle.

    [Editor: Grinding celibacy is not victory.]

    Like


  107. Trust me.. i am funny looking and date 18-22 y/o models. My home made porn is better than anything you can download…….

    The reason shit tests are so common is that you aren’t picking hyper-compatible ladies but shooting in the dark trying to meet women. The whole Roissy/PUA is designed for banging chicks in a “retail’ market, not getting GF’s. You guys are all doomed.

    Relationships in modernity require 1 in 10,000 perfect matches of perfect backgrounds, height/weigh/iq/socioeconomic backgrounds/beliefs,etc…. without this women won’t trust you or especially bond. Modern society is too diverse, so no one trusts anyone.

    Without hypercompatibility, a slightly better looking/richer/better game/ better sex guy can steal your lady at any time. You are on perpetual defense.

    game is secondary to compatilbility selection. using game will “overgame” women capable of pair bonding (18-22 + < 3 partners) and backfire. Game is for racking up 100 hookups with shallow women, not for finding a wife/quality long term…. which is mostly target selection. Game is most effective in countering shit tests.

    [Editor: Everything you wrote here is complete bullshit.]

    Like


  108. on October 4, 2010 at 9:56 pm Gunslingergregi

    Got to remain calm sometimes if you think your woman shit testing you. Sometimes she might be right.

    When my woman shit tests me now it is to get me to do what I want to do he he he

    She has completely internalized my happiness as her goal but has the guts to stand up to me when she thinks I am wrong which is rare but right after will have my back vs anything else.

    Then when I explain my position about what she thought was wrong she backs me on that too since I don’t tend to do shit without reason.

    She can’t basically catch me on anything that puts me in a bad light.

    Sometimes they cry because not being able to make you break they break themselves on you.

    Like


  109. on October 4, 2010 at 10:01 pm Gunslingergregi

    You can’t know what you need by not experiencing anything.

    You may not know what you need.

    Like


  110. on October 4, 2010 at 10:04 pm Gunslingergregi

    After a man has a certain number of woman all woman will pair bond with him he he he

    Like


  111. on October 4, 2010 at 10:35 pm contrarian aka david alexander

    “Grinding celibacy is not victory.”

    No, but settling is an admission of defeat.

    [Editor: Settling is not the only alternative to grinding celibacy.]

    Like


  112. So long as you are rocking stank on the hank and projecting the attendant aura of healthy self-confidence (pretty much a prerequisite for dating successfully as I see it), just about any shit test-counter you care to deploy will convey the required message, provided it is not completely lame.

    Like


  113. What do feminists and mainstream dating advisors say about shit tests? It seems like they would go against their world view.

    Like


  114. on October 4, 2010 at 10:47 pm Gunslingergregi

    Some dude kills himself because he got filmed being gay.

    ellen degenerate teary eyed on cnn.

    I am feeling bullied that they are talking about not being able to say fag in society without a lifelong repremand and they don’t get the fact that they are the bully?

    lol

    Just another shit test.

    Bully the entire population with word and thought police and talk about someone else being a mean bully againt one person.

    The comedy the comedy.

    Where are the tears for the men being bullied by men with guns hired by the state?

    Like


  115. duxbury

    Trust me.. i am funny looking and date 18-22 y/o models. My home made porn is better than anything you can download…….//

    Can you send us link of that if you have uploaded it.

    Like


  116. Why to give a shit to shit test? Be alone and happy!

    Like


  117. Gunslinger’s last comment about the shit testing in politics (and every other aspect of social life) is very perceptive. I just want to emphasize that truth. Game is everywhere in social life, it is the “game of life”…it’s not just about picking up women. At least, that is how I look at it.

    You may say “alpha”. I call them “winners” (ie, who cares if you have potential until you apply yourself and successfully bear fruit?).

    One more thing. Quantity can get you to quality in what you are truly seeking out, and can blossom into greater quality in YOURSELF. This qualitatively advancing self-actualization is the holy grail in my view, and all the rest is just the spoils of living your personal victory. Live like a king, become a king, and the world will treat you accordingly.

    Like


  118. hey cr team renegades,

    girls dont shit test. it is all in ur mind. betas shittest themselves. the alpha hears this is only a test of the emergency broad cast system and changes the channel

    Like


  119. hey team cr queerbates,

    the blue ballest man i never met had answers written on his sack

    for want of a retort he did not lack

    but when it came to the game of ream the gene

    with a warthog did he shack

    Like


  120. hey team cr fuckttads,

    sweat the ppretty details

    be un urself

    if u can

    only the prickiest dick

    can be a man

    [Editor: Hitting the sauce, AHE?]

    Like


  121. hey team cr blowjob,

    big cock game beats paper and scissors

    except for scissors

    Like


  122. my standard response to “what do you do?” is have a big cock.

    Like


  123. the only thing that ever messes with my game is messy messicans

    Like


  124. but messicans r good for taking the blowjobs i dont want

    Like


  125. this site used to be a well of inspiration; now it is a glory hole.

    Like


  126. Go on youtube and watch some good comedians rip hecklers and you’ll get something from it regarding this shit. And a couple years back there was a documentary made about hecklers that had a lot of great interactions.

    The objective is different. Comedians are trying to crush, destroy, annihilate, and utterly humiliate the heckler. Presumably you don’t want to do that to a girl who shit tests you. Comedians are trying to end, permanently and finally, any further interaction with the heckler; you (probably) want to continue interacting with the girl who shit tests you, and “going nuclear” so she runs away in tears won’t do that.

    Like


  127. Meh, I don’t like canned lines because they never quite hit the spot, and then you come off sounding worse than if you said nothing at all.

    I think it’s best to get yourself into the right frame of mind and then retorts will come naturally to your mind. This is definitely difficult at first, but it gets easier.

    Canned lines are like training wheels on a bike. The sooner you take them off the faster you’ll learn to ride. Let your subconscious mind think up the answers, it’s a million times quicker and more powerful than the conscious mind. The trick is to psychologically step out of the way so you’re subconscious mind can act.

    Like


  128. this site has mainly taut me tha game is mainly bout hatin on the coloreds.

    wiff da rite behavor u can prtense u gotta big cocka too

    Like


  129. Editor: hittin da sauce AHE?

    man, no jus studying my moldbug. iss intoxicatingish

    Like


  130. hey new CR, u in portland oregon now, no? (ur protectionistism buy local cucumbers shows, u bashful left coaster, you)

    how’s the volvo?

    Like


  131. was the diff between the politics of CR and Hugo Chavez?

    chavez is more open to trade.

    Like


  132. @Alex
    “Gunslinger’s last comment about the shit testing in politics (and every other aspect of social life) is very perceptive. I just want to emphasize that truth. Game is everywhere in social life, it is the “game of life”…it’s not just about picking up women. At least, that is how I look at it.”

    Game in its inner core is ultimately about the deconstruction of social interaction, about handling relations of power and hierarchies, that’s how i see it too.

    Like


  133. We all know it is a scientific fact that: diversity + proximity = war.

    Therefore we should kill all the niggers and mexicans and arabs now before it gets worse.

    It would be heartless to wait until the numbers get greater. That would mean needless deaths.

    The pure logic of Bertrand Russel is with us.

    [Editor: No need for all that. Just build a wall and ship out the illegals and their anchor babies back to their home.]

    Like


  134. @Dorset Naga
    First time someone has come up with some sensible requirement. Add Chinese in it the section of people who should be kept away from the country. These people have already damaged a lot; how long can we wait. Islam and China are the most dangerous things!

    Like


  135. on October 5, 2010 at 2:29 am contrarian aka david alexander's sock puppet

    “Settling is not the only alternative to grinding celibacy.”

    I don’t practise casual sex, so…

    [Editor: You ever hear of this thing called relationships?]

    Also, I am not David Alexander.

    [The sophistry similarity is uncanny.]

    Like


  136. @Johnny_Marks

    Yesterday at the dog park, I half-jokingly negged a girl on her scarf.

    Her response: “My boyfriend likes them.”

    Me (with a smirk): I’m sure lots of guys find you attractive, but I wasn’t hitting on you.

    Response plays into her frame…..you bring up her attractiveness, it elevates her.

    Instead, how about something like:

    You: Neg on scarf

    Her: My boyfriend likes them.

    You: At least that what he tells you…

    That would get the wheels in her head turning…

    Then walk away…

    Like


  137. on October 5, 2010 at 2:55 am The Rational Male

    Anyone who has an issue answering the “what do you do” question needs to find something more interesting to do.

    Game is great and all, but TRUE game is not having to worry about passing bullshit tests. TRUE game is being the man that every woman wants.

    Most men have the ability to create for themselves a steady stream of pussy. It’s not that hard if you aren’t a 9-5 grinder who has nothing interesting going for him.

    When a chick asks what I do I have an intriguing response for her because the things that I do are intriguing. I own a hair product line, I film videos, I build websites, I build businesses, I travel, I take pictures, I’m a fucking ENTREPRENEUR. I’ve done more shit in the past 5 years than most people do in a lifetime. THAT is interesting to women.

    I recommend that all men find some sort of career pursuit that is fulfilling. If it is fulfilling, it is interesting, and chicks will gravitate toward that.

    Sure, you can be a 33 year old fry cook at Mickie D’s and still get laid, but if you want to experience what it is like to be able to fuck high grade pussy without becoming a dancing monkey, try your hand at developing a little wealth/power/status. You might be surprised at how easy everything is once you are in a league of your own.

    Like


  138. I used to hate these until I understood what they were and the psychology behind them.

    The trick is to know when to walk away from them.

    If you get caught in endless banter then it becomes like Raymond’s parents in Everyone Loves Raymond…who wants that?

    You want to use the responses to throw her off her guard.

    They are a defense mechanism when a girl is attracted to you and needs to weed out the bad sperm.

    I used to fail them all the time and so I’d be blasted quickly into the “Friendzone.”

    One of the most common here in Hong Kong is:

    “Why aren’t you out chasing more girls?”

    or “There are other girls here to chase….”

    My response: “Great idea…..” and start to walk away.

    this is usually met with the girl grabbing your arm and saying “Kidding kidding…”

    You WANT to be shit-tested to the point where you can then move it to where you control the frame.

    Endless shit-tests….are just annoying.

    Set limits on them, be prepared to walk away after a certain point.

    Like


  139. First test tube baby a woman. So naturally, she’s fat, ugly and full of entitlement.

    We are so doomed.

    Like


  140. CR recently tweeted this but it should be its own post:

    http://www.omgsoysauce.com/14746/marriage-before-and-after-10-pics/

    These are before and after photos of couples who got married.

    The 3rd and 9th photos down are what I would call solid 9s and I’ve dated that type. But the after photos show how fast 9s become 5s.

    Like


  141. it´s incredible how effective disrespecting hot chicks is…
    i was at a fashion event, in passing i asked one of the presenting models what label she is wearing.
    she said she didnt know.
    in a stroke of genius i said with a smile: “you are the cliche of a model, good looking and stupid”.
    i could not believe the response after i said that, she was outraged but you could also see she was turned on.
    seriously, there was no need for me to do anything afterwards, she was all over me, doing the talking, my job was to listen and make cocky remarks.
    at some point, she invited me to go to her place, on our way out, she says “i need to drink something, can you get me a champaign?”
    i said “get it yourself”, shit test passed, we were off…
    interestingly, she didn´t go for the champaign 🙂

    Like


  142. I am veryyy impressed by how good Roissy’s responses and insights are here, and the original writer – Legion’s – are good, for the most part, too.

    You get it. That’s why I read this blog. You understand the underlying dynamics. Most other blogs and forums I can think of come across as spergy and weird and uncool when they describe responses to shit tests, but this NAILS it. The only one that didn’t vibe well with me was the “too sexy for my pocket protector” one, but at least it’s not spiteful.

    For anyone living in the real world where young women congregate, and if you are displaying the right cocky and aloof attitude, you’re gonna get these shit tests from girls who want to see if you’re the real deal. Most of these girls are not bitches, at least not above and beyond the bitchiness of the average girl.

    Like


  143. on October 5, 2010 at 10:02 am thefatcaveman

    As a potential reply;

    HER: I have a boyfried.

    YOU: That’s well done, considering…..

    HER: Considering what?

    YOU: {Smile}

    Like


  144. Actual comments I’ve had and responses:

    W: “Is that your girlrfriend over there?”
    M: “Do you care? Ask her yourself.”

    W: “You seem like a guy who’d sleep with a girl’s best friend.”
    M: “Only if she’s hot. I have standards.”

    W: “I usually date taller men.”
    M: “I usually sleep with hotter women.”

    W: “I should be honest, you’re not as tall as my ex.”
    M: “I like honesty… My ex honestly had a much nicer ass.”

    W:” I like you.”
    M: “Of course.” / “I know.”

    W:” Does this work on every woman?”
    M: “Only when I do it.”

    W: “What can a guy like you do for me?”
    M: “Not what I had in mind.”

    W: “You’re like this with every woman.”
    M: “Absolutely.”

    And the one that sticks in my mind most clearly, after a long second date last year, I got this:

    W: “I have a question. It’s a doozy. But I have to go. There’s no time to answer it.”
    M: “You can ask. Can’t be that hard.”
    W: Straight-up: “Okay. Fine. Have you decided if you’re going to fuck me yet?”
    (obvious shit-test: did *I* decide yet, no indication if she did).

    M: “Still thinking about it. Busy schedule.”

    W: “I think you can be a bit of a dick.”
    M: “Don’t underestimate me. I can be a big dick.”

    I was sleeping with her on the third date. We didn’t even go out.

    Like


  145. I like when a girl’s eyes light up and she smirks after you pass a shit test.

    Like


  146. Gorby’s date asks: Have you decided if you’re going to fuck me yet?

    I pre-empt this question by telling a woman, who’s been making out with me, or frantically pawing me (or other aggressive IOIs), that I’m not sleeping with them tonight. Women want what they can’t have, especially if they’ve already made up their mind… Like putty.

    Like


  147. I just read some of the comments here.

    Come on, guys, stop pedestalizing women who you’re not even fucking yet.

    Being an arrogant cocky bastard is pretty much the only way to consistently get the hot women to give you any attention.

    Actually don’t care or pretend not to care.

    It’s when you get the hot babe that you have to start thinking.

    Like


  148. [quote]From guys: “You look like shit/ you’re fat/ugly/skinny/short/whatever.”

    That’s not what your mother said last night.

    [Alternates: “Stay classy, champ.” “Are you for real? I thought douchebags like you were only on TV.” “Is this a come-on? Sorry, I don’t swing that way.”]
    [/quote]

    Alternate: “Oh shit! We got someone trying out for the cast of Jersey Shore! Come, entertain us”

    Like


  149. Some good ideas here. One problem I run into is starting a conversation with a cute girl, and then getting like a one word answer. And then she doesn’t follow up. And I have to ask another question. And she gives another short answer. After a while it can be obvious it isn’t going to go anywhere. How to leave in a way that puts her in her place for her rudeness?

    Like


  150. Too many of these lines risk making me sound hostile and juvenile. So they’re not for me.

    So, you’re saying you hang out with an older crowd? Women past their prime who are trying to figure out if you’d be a good beta provider? I can’t imagine women getting at an age when they’re so bloodless as to not fuck with you, unless they’re really not interested in you.

    One problem I run into is starting a conversation with a cute girl, and then getting like a one word answer. And then she doesn’t follow up.

    Stop asking questions, DHV, talk about yourself, run routines, etc. You probably aren’t being interesting by repeating the same shit she’s heard a hundred times.

    Like


  151. [Chicks dig the juvenalia.]

    Can you really think of one time in a man’s life where his acting youthful is not attractive to women?

    Well, only one:

    III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

    then you can be all adult, but chances are, regardless of age, women will find the same attitude attractive, from nursery school to the nursing home.

    Like


  152. All good, but I am not sold on using the “Your mother”. My inclination is to abbreviate those returns to exclude it. Comes across as a 12 year old to me. Less than juvenile. Perhaps I am not envisioning the correct delivery.

    I didn’t see or missed the “Wasn’t paying attention” response. Chicks hate it when they think your mind is drifting. I am not talking about changing the subject but blurting out something from left field. Could be remotely related to your current environment or activity around you, but can’t be directly related. Works for me. Particularly since I am usually not entirely paying attention anyway.

    A smile and no response is a good one too since they can’t be sure what you’re actually thinking.

    Like


  153. on October 5, 2010 at 5:00 pm contrarian aka david alexander's sock puppet

    “You ever hear of this thing called relationships?”

    AKA settling.

    [Editor: Since you don’t want casual sex, and you think all relationships are settling, then you are in fact doomed to a lifetime of grinding celibacy. Given that, why should anyone take your pronouncements on the sexual market seriously?]

    It’s not like high quality women are growing on trees.

    [It’s funny how loser nerds who haven’t been within a parsec of pussy are usually the ones claiming the highest standards.]

    Jerry: “These are before and after photos of couples who got married.”

    You can tell just by the before photos that these women are not good marriage material.

    [You are a troll.]

    Like


  154. Great fucking post

    Another one I get a lot is chicks asking to buy me drinks, I guess Since I dress like Dan Draper they think I’m tricking(this actually happened)

    BlondeGolddigger: “You should buy me and my friend a drink

    Solo: I only buy girls who are special drinks

    BGD: I’m special

    Solo: Not special to me

    Seeing her face drop after I said that was priceless.

    Like


  155. […] Chateau breaks down common shit tests from girls. […]

    Like


  156. Her: What do you do?
    Me: About what?

    That often alerts her to the gaucheness of her question.

    If she pursues, I dismissively note the executive position held and move right along to something else.

    Like


  157. on October 5, 2010 at 7:30 pm contrarian aka david alexander's sock puppet

    “aka david alexander’s sock puppet”

    We are very different people with different writing styles, and there’s no reason for him to impersonate someone else.

    [Editor: Your writing style as well as substance are nearly identical to his.]

    “Since you don’t want casual sex, and you think all relationships are settling, then you are in fact doomed to a lifetime of grinding celibacy. Given that, why should anyone take your pronouncements on the sexual market seriously?”

    I never said all relationships are settling.

    [In fact, you implied as much when you answered my query about whether you had ever heard of relationships with your snarky reply that you aren’t interested in settling. So now you agree with me that at least some relationships do not involve settling, correct? If so, then your initial claim is proved false. You certainly can get into a relationship and avoid grinding celibacy without settling.]

    What pronouncements are you referring to, and where was it said that everyone must take them seriously?

    “It’s funny how loser nerds who haven’t been within a parsec of pussy are usually the ones claiming the highest standards.”

    It’s funny how you’re now just making things up at random.

    [It’s called a real life observation. Try it sometime.]

    There’s also nothing preventing me from having high standards.

    [Sure, but high standards don’t mean much if you don’t bring anything to the table in return.]

    You seem to get pretty agitated if someone has high standards and is willing and able to remain alone instead of settling for women who do not meet those standards. Does it make you feel insecure?

    [Your stupidity, sophistry and trollery deserve my contempt. You can have the highest standards in the world for all I care, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that men who do decide to get into relationships and avoid lifelong grinding celibacy are settling. It just means you are a loser who hides behind a false bravado of deliberately unreachable standards to cover for your inadequacies at attracting women.]

    “You are a troll.”

    Ah, the classic non-argument when someone is at the end of their rope.

    [I call it as I see it.]

    You are also not very good at women yourself if you think those skanks look like prime marriage material.

    {WTF are you babbling about?]

    Like


  158. Do American girls/guys really say this shit? Jesus. It’s like a prolonged middle school.

    I too would believe in your pua bullshit if Brits interacted like this. Well. I’d believe it worked on typical norm-hetero girls, swiftly counting myself as an anomaly as I left to assfuck my Achingly beautiful boyfriend.

    Like


  159. on October 5, 2010 at 9:57 pm contrarian aka david alexander's sock puppet

    “Your writing style as well as substance are nearly identical to his.”

    Except they aren’t.

    [Editor: Except they are.]

    “You certainly can get into a relationship and avoid grinding celibacy without settling.”

    Not really, since there are so few high quality women.

    [You just admitted in your previous comment that relationships are not settling. So, are you lying now or were you lying then?]

    “It’s called a real life observation. Try it sometime.”

    Uh, I hate to break this to you but you don’t know me in real life any more than I know you in real life.

    [Whoosh, right o’er ye head.]

    “Your stupidity, sophistry and trollery deserve my contempt.”

    Using words without understanding their meaning is stupidity, and since you don’t understand what trolling means you have just proven that you’re stupid.

    [You display all the hallmarks of a troll: insistent self-contradicting stupidity, broken record redundancies, restating debunked assertions as if they were fresh, and total lack of reading comprehension.]

    “You can have the highest standards in the world for all I care, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that men who do decide to get into relationships and avoid lifelong grinding celibacy are settling.”

    A lot of people settle.

    [And many don’t. But you’d have to be a winner to experience that.]

    “It just means you are a loser who hides behind a false bravado of deliberately unreachable standards to cover for your inadequacies at attracting women.”

    A statement which you at no point attempt to justify.

    [Hit a nerve, eh?]

    “WTF are you babbling about?”

    The link Jerry posted. Which I was discussing. Do try to keep up.

    [You were addressing something I wrote, not what Jerry wrote. Are you going to continue lying like a little shitsack fucker? If so, then you will be banned.]

    Like


  160. Though I agree that Contrarian is asking for a bit too much from mere mortal women (maturity and foresight of a 50 year old in the body of a 17 year old hottie apparently), he is correct that the women in Jerry’s link looked like bad news before the marriages.

    All but one could be plausible trannies. The one who didn’t look like a made up male had a kind of sturdy gal figure that is pretty much predestined to get fat on the western diet. Her time bomb was just still ticking.

    Least someone could have done is taught her how to dress and…roll with the changes.

    Like


  161. on October 5, 2010 at 10:55 pm Gunslingergregi

    ””””’Forbes
    Gorby’s date asks: Have you decided if you’re going to fuck me yet?

    I pre-empt this question by telling a woman, who’s been making out with me, or frantically pawing me (or other aggressive IOIs), that I’m not sleeping with them tonight. Women want what they can’t have, especially if they’ve already made up their mind… Like putty.

    ””””””’

    lol I told a chick I wasn’t going to fuck her I only wanted my dick sucked.

    She didn’t give up trying to get my dick in her pussy though.

    I stayed strong.

    She told me she loved me after 2 swallows.

    Like


  162. Great post! The lines above are fun.

    I just wish “us women” as a collective sex would stop with the cynicism. Sometimes, woman act so bitchy with our replies. It is a shame to us.

    Like


  163. on October 6, 2010 at 5:51 pm contrarian aka david alexander's sock puppet

    “Except they are.”

    You may be good at game, but maybe you should leave the reading comprehension to other people.

    [Editor: Is projection your middle name?]

    “You just admitted in your previous comment that relationships are not settling. So, are you lying now or were you lying then?”

    For me a relationship would be settling since it would almost certainly have to be with someone I don’t consider high quality. Pretty simple.

    [So you admit you are a loser who can’t get what he wants in women.]

    “Whoosh, right o’er ye head.”

    There’s no way you can argue I’m a loser nerd since you don’t have enough information.

    [I have your own words right here.]

    “You display all the hallmarks of a troll: insistent self-contradicting stupidity, broken record redundancies, restating debunked assertions as if they were fresh, and total lack of reading comprehension.”

    Yes, I am already aware that you don’t know what a troll is. Let’s move on.

    [Troll say what?]

    “And many don’t. But you’d have to be a winner to experience that.”

    You don’t get to define the winning conditions of somebody else’s life.

    [I don’t have to; the sexual market does that for me. And the fact that you have admitted that you can’t get the women you want in relationships tells me that you have drawn a losing hand in that market.]

    “Hit a nerve, eh?”

    No, I am pointing out that you are spouting gibberish.

    [How many lies and self-contradictions can a troll upchuck before he implodes in a black troll sun?]

    “You were addressing something I wrote, not what Jerry wrote. Are you going to continue lying like a little shitsack fucker? If so, then you will be banned.”

    You said “You are a troll” in response to “You can tell just by the before photos that these women are not good marriage material,” so we were talking about Jerry’s post the whole time. Again, leave the reading comprehension to people who are good at it.

    [You wrote, with no attribution:
    “You are also not very good at women yourself if you think those skanks look like prime marriage material.”
    This is what I responded to by asking you WTF you were on about. You didn’t address anyone else in that post except me. If you want to be clearer, put the names of the people you are writing to in your comment.
    Ya dumbass.]

    All this Internet raging just because somebody is able and willing to remain alone instead of settling or going through one night stands.

    [Please, this isn’t raging. You’re a cat toy. Batting you around is a fun diversion.
    PS Since you are a small peabrain of very little brain, and a lying pencildick who refuses to acknowledge when his lying stupidity has been called out for the trollery it is, I’ll spell it out for you once again:
    The non-celibacy choices aren’t restricted to only settling or one night stands.
    Think about it before answering.]

    You are jealous because you lack my self-sufficiency and discipline.

    [Is the prison guard jealous of the prisoner’s stoic resignation?]

    Like


  164. on October 6, 2010 at 8:59 pm contrarian aka david alexander's sock puppet

    “Is projection your middle name?”

    It’s perfectly obvious that we have different writing styles and personalities.

    [Editor: Actually, it’s obvious that you and he share similar writing styles and, more importantly, the same gripes.]

    It’s also obvious that we don’t share the same IP address and that he would have no reason to impersonate another user.

    [You never heard of proxies?]

    “So you admit you are a loser who can’t get what he wants in women.”

    Like a feminist, you make wild assumptions based on little or no information.

    [I’m making a valid conclusion based on what YOU YOURSELF WROTE.]

    “I have your own words right here.”

    This does not demonstrate anything.

    [If your own words demonstrate nothing, then it logically follows that you are lying to create a shitstorm.
    Thus, you are a troll.
    And, as all trolls are, you will be cast into the icy wastelands with the rest of your loser brethren.]

    “I don’t have to; the sexual market does that for me. And the fact that you have admitted that you can’t get the women you want in relationships tells me that you have drawn a losing hand in that market”

    The sexual market means nothing to me.

    [You may not care about the sexual market, but it cares about you.]

    “How many lies and self-contradictions can a troll upchuck before he implodes in a black troll sun?”

    You made a claim and did not back it up in any way whatsoever.

    [Listen up, rainman. When you say something about yourself — e.g. “i’m happy being celibate instead of settling for a woman who doesn’t meet my standards” — and I call you out on it by reaching perfectly reasonable conclusions about your fitness as a man, you cannot then pretend like the words you said were never said, or that you said something entirely different.
    See, the funny thing with writing comments is that all your lies are archived.]

    “You wrote, with no attribution:”

    I was clearly quoting you.

    [You must be using a definition of “clearly” with which the majority of people are unfamiliar.]

    “The non-celibacy choices aren’t restricted to only settling or one night stands.”

    Yes, the third choice is a relationship with a quality woman, but as I have already established they are extremely rare.

    [And as I have already corrected you, insanely high standards, such as what you claim to possess, are the hallmark of nerdo losers who try to assuage their rejected butthurt egos and justify their involuntary celibacy with handwaving about the rarity of women who are acceptable to date.]

    “Is the prison guard jealous of the prisoner’s stoic resignation?”

    It is the most logical explanation for your behavior. Why else would you get so riled up?

    [Did your sphincter flex when you wrote that?]

    Like


  165. Contrarian, stop embarassing yourself. You are getting raped.

    Like


  166. i luv seeing trolls destroyed, after being raped

    Like


  167. on October 7, 2010 at 8:53 pm contrarian aka autistic peckerwood tokyojesusfist

    “Actually, it’s obvious that you and he share similar writing styles and, more importantly, the same gripes.”

    Obvious to someone who can’t read.

    [Editor: Nevermind, it’s been solved. You are that spergtard tokyojesusfist. But you and DA do share the same gripes.]

    “You may not care about the sexual market, but it cares about you.”

    You only think that way because you’re a slave.

    [If the pleasure and love of beautiful women is slavery, then I don’t want to be freed.]

    You resent anyone who isn’t a slave.

    [Don’t flatter yourself. You aren’t a freed slave. You’re a nerdo autistic lying loser who is rationalizing his failure with women as the choice of a man with options choosing to forego what he can have in favor of some sort of warped high-minded principles. But the difference is that you aren’t adhering to your monk-like existence from a position of choice; you’re a celibate monk out of necessity. So in a real sense (not the sense you use it in) you are truly the slave — slave to your lack of options.]

    “Listen up, rainman. When you say something about yourself — e.g. “i’m happy being celibate instead of settling for a woman who doesn’t meet my standards” — and I call you out on it by reaching perfectly reasonable conclusions about your fitness as a man, you cannot then pretend like the words you said were never said, or that you said something entirely different.”

    The only thing that says about my fitness as a man is that I am way, way more fit than you will ever be.

    [I really hit the bulls-eye there, eh retardo?]

    “And as I have already corrected you, insanely high standards, such as what you claim to possess, are the hallmark of nerdo losers who try to assuage their rejected butthurt egos and justify their involuntary celibacy with handwaving about the rarity of women who are acceptable to date.”

    This misperception is a result of your slave mentality.

    [TJF’s answer to everyone who correctly nails his deficiences: slave slave slave.]

    Firepower: “i luv seeing trolls destroyed, after being raped”

    If you knew what a troll is, you wouldn’t be saying this. Because you would realize that it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever in this context.

    [Sour grapes is not victory.]

    Like


  168. While I’ve enjoyed the editor beat-down, I do have to weigh in on one point regarding contrarian – he most certainly is not David Alexander.

    This is obviously TokyoJesusFist aka TokyoBetaGrist aka the Hentai Asian pedophile.

    [Editor: Damn, you’re right! Completely forgot about that little autistic peckerwood.]

    His standards are impossibly high because he has a Japanese school girl fetish, and the law is what makes his ideal relationship impossible to consummate without risking a lengthy prison sentence….

    [So what you’re saying is… he’s a nerdo loser.]

    Like


  169. Now that you guys point it out, I have noticed that men who are sexually inexperienced do often have unrealistically high standards. It makes me feel less sorry for them.

    Like


  170. lolz: “the Hentai Asian pedophile.”

    I don’t watch hentai, and you don’t know what pedophilia means. It means having a sexual preference for prepubescent children. Where have you seen me express any interest in prepubescent girls? Let’s see some links.

    “His standards are impossibly high because he has a Japanese school girl fetish.”

    I have a preference for East Asian women, which is not the same thing as a fetish (not that you would know this, since you’re clearly completely uneducated).

    Laura: “I have noticed that men who are sexually inexperienced do often have unrealistically high standards.”

    Even if this is true, it has nothing to do with me. There is no relationship between my standards and amount of sexual experience. I don’t even see any logical connection between the two.

    Like


  171. If I remember correctly, Contrarian has posted in the past that he has been married or in an ltr with a unique but ultimately unsuitable woman. I think she left him for an older guy who was more alpha than he was at the time.

    So his impossibly high standards are somewhat based on his actual experience. He wants one who is kind of like she was, just less carried away by the desire to “trade up”.

    [Editor: If true, that would explain a lot. Men who have tasted of the sweet nectar of truly hot babes are loathe to ever return to the swamp of mediocrities.]

    It’s going to be difficult unless he learns to be more scary-possessive.

    [Scary possessive is the absolutely worst thing he could learn. No faster way to drive off a hot chick than clinging like a barnacle and throwing fits of jealousy on the regular.]

    Like


  172. Nicole, you remember wrong. You’re confusing me with someone else entirely.

    Like


  173. My bad. I thought that was you.

    So let me get this straight…You have this dream girl you’ve decided you’re saving yourself for?

    This is very noble, but there are things you can do to increase your chances.

    The kind of guy I like is pretty rare too, and I’m cool with that, but not deluded enough to think I can let myself go and he’ll just fall into my lap.

    Avoiding women is the male equivalent of letting yourself go. In time, you gradually take on a kind of touch starved vampire like vibe.

    Do you have female friends at least?

    Like


  174. Most of these exchanges with the men would lead to bar fights in a normal situation. If you live in a place where men talk to each other like this and there isn’t a fight, you live in a weird place.

    Like


  175. best
    thread
    ever lol

    Like


  176. on October 8, 2010 at 11:39 am Gunslingergregi

    ””””’torrontes
    Most of these exchanges with the men would lead to bar fights in a normal situation. If you live in a place where men talk to each other like this and there isn’t a fight, you live in a weird place.
    ””””

    The internet is where you learn to fight like a woman like society wants everyone to be.

    Like


  177. on October 8, 2010 at 11:41 am Gunslingergregi

    Not really like a woman though they usually get police or lawyers.

    I guess like a man who doesn’t punch you in the face.

    Like


  178. As someone who is definitely in the mediocrity camp trust me when I say men who have been with truly hot babes are more than willing to slum it from time to time.

    Like


  179. @Laura,

    Yeah, that’s true.

    I’ve slummed it a few times.

    Actually, in every way, the slumming it sometimes turned out to be better than the hot babe-ing it.

    Like


  180. on October 8, 2010 at 7:40 pm contrarian aka autistic peckerwood tokyojesusfist

    “Nevermind, it’s been solved. You are that spergtard tokyojesusfist. But you and DA do share the same gripes.”

    This has been public knowledge for…. about an eternity.

    [Editor: That you are an autistic peckerwood? Yes.]

    “But the difference is that you aren’t adhering to your monk-like existence from a position of choice; you’re a celibate monk out of necessity.”

    You think it’s a result of necessity because of your slave mentality. You can’t comprehend the idea of not being interested in casual sex and disposable relationships.

    [It’s possible you have a very low libido. I’ve heard that eunuchs like you do exist in the state of nature. If that’s the case, then you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone with a working sex drive. You may as well be an alien life form.
    But even if that’s true about you, your contention is still wrong, and for the same reason I explained earlier and to which you are not responding because you know it points up your lies. Namely, the only two choices aren’t “casual sex” versus “disposable relationships”. You can have a nondisposable relationship with a quality woman very easily if you are a winner who brings something to the table.
    So your slippery eel-like lying evasion attempting to redefine relationships as either “disposable” or nonexistent is duly noted.
    You remain, as always and forever, a lying aspie piece of shit.]

    You can’t comprehend the idea of having more going on in your life than getting laid.

    [It’s possible to get laid *and* have lots of other stuff going on in your life. But since you are a lying rainman tard with a block of cement in place of higher order brain functioning, you cannot admit to that without experiencing a massive testes ascension into your uterus.]

    “Sour grapes is not victory.”

    How is this even related to what you are replying to?

    [Do you bang your head and count your three pubes every morning you get up?]

    Like


  181. Time to change the focus of this thread – from “Brushing Off Common Shit Tests From Girls,” to “Brushing Off Contrarian Shit From Trolls.”

    lolzlzolzozlzlozl

    Like


  182. lolzlolzolzl, shouldn’t you be getting back to Jezebel now? I’m sure they’re wondering where you are.

    Like


  183. Editor says, “Scary possessive is the absolutely worst thing he could learn. No faster way to drive off a hot chick than clinging like a barnacle and throwing fits of jealousy on the regular.”

    I’m not talking about clinging barnacle. I’m talking about “you’re my bitch, and if you fuck up you’re so very gone”.

    Hot, intelligent, strong willed, and loyal at the same time is a special case. One of my walking partners fit the bill when she was younger. The guy who still has her heart to this day is her ex husband who was “my way or the highway”. He was a Scotsman and pretty brutal, and for this very reason, the love of her life.

    …but she messed up by getting up in his face one time, and was dismissed.

    Like


  184. on October 10, 2010 at 1:25 am betondo fuchatuch

    “I can’t believe you said that!”

    You will, over time – just be patient.
    (dead pan with hands up, palms facing out and pressing motions, kinda like a “it’s cool, dude” gesture, simultaneously nod head in a sympathetically patient way).

    Like


  185. on October 10, 2010 at 1:34 am betondo fuchatuch

    If Chevy Chase ever went looking for fans, he can certainly do better than me. But I give credit where it’s due, and his Fletch (1) character was a textbook lesson in consistent, inflappable game.

    Many examples (watch it), but my favorite is when Geena Davis fawningly says to him “My Hero!”, to which he, while walking away, deadpans “Nothing to it.”

    Like


  186. on October 10, 2010 at 10:51 pm autistic peckerwood

    “That you are an autistic peckerwood? Yes.”

    Hur hur hur. What are you, twelve years old?

    [Editor: “Hello, my name is contrarian, aka tjf, aka autistic peckerwood, aka perpetual bottom. I live in a hobbit hut built from earth and mud. I diddle to elf porn.”]

    “It’s possible you have a very low libido. I’ve heard that eunuchs like you do exist in the state of nature. If that’s the case, then you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone with a working sex drive. You may as well be an alien life form.”

    Do you just habitually use words at random without understanding what they mean?

    [“contarian’s log, middle earth date 960: My stupid mother dropped a box of matches on the floor. I spent the next ten hours counting them over and over and missed my LAN gang initiation with the southside larpers.”]

    This is 2010, we have things like Google and online encyclopedias and dictionaries now.

    [“I singlehandedly double google’s stock when I look up barely pubescent anime porn.”]

    “Namely, the only two choices aren’t “casual sex” versus “disposable relationships”. You can have a nondisposable relationship with a quality woman very easily if you are a winner who brings something to the table.”

    No you can’t if there are no quality women around, which is what I have been trying to explain to you (fruitlessly, it seems).

    [“You see, in a world of 3 billion women, there are simply no… I repeat NO… quality women around who can compete with anime pedo porn. My pecker won’t respond to anything now except saucer-eyed asian schoolgirls.”]

    “You remain, as always and forever, a lying aspie piece of shit.”

    You’re the one who keeps lying. For example, you continuously lie about me lying and being an aspie.

    [“I’m not an aspie, I’m full spectrum rainman, dammit!”]

    “It’s possible to get laid *and* have lots of other stuff going on in your life.”

    Not that you would know.

    [“Oh boy, I farted. Definitely farted.”]

    “Do you bang your head and count your three pubes every morning you get up?”

    Again, how is this related to what you’re replying to? You aren’t even trying anymore.

    [“How can I have a grown-up conversation with someone who won’t talk hobbitese? It’s like everyone around me is from another planet! And these women are so skeery. Their jiggling boobs hypnotize me and make a thimble sprout under my wizard robe. Boobs boobs boobs everywhere! Must… count… the boobs! Judge Wapner on at 5. Oh god my vintage pantaloons are wet.”]

    Like


  187. on October 11, 2010 at 10:23 pm autistic peckerwood

    “Hello, my name is contrarian, aka tjf, aka autistic peckerwood, aka perpetual bottom. I live in a hobbit hut built from earth and mud. I diddle to elf porn.”

    So yeah, you really are twelve.

    [Editor: “Contrarian here! 12 tugs is all it takes for me to reach nirvana when wearing my award winning furries costume. The tail is battery powered. It twitches!”]

    “contarian’s log, middle earth date 960: My stupid mother dropped a box of matches on the floor. I spent the next ten hours counting them over and over and missed my LAN gang initiation with the southside larpers.”

    No counter-argument, I see.

    [“If you don’t give me the counter-argument I need and crave, I’m going to bang my head repeatedly against this chinese star dartboard in my bedroom while wailing like an aroused cat.”]

    “I singlehandedly double google’s stock when I look up barely pubescent anime porn.”

    As I have stated many times, I don’t watch hentai. And obviously you can’t prove otherwise.

    [“And pay no attention to the wiggles shrine behind me.”]

    “You see, in a world of 3 billion women, there are simply no… I repeat NO… quality women around who can compete with anime pedo porn. My pecker won’t respond to anything now except saucer-eyed asian schoolgirls.”

    Why are you using so much feminist shaming language?

    [“Don’t you know how shaming language makes me dribble precum in my ms pacman underoos?”]

    You’ve finally lost the plot, but it’s pretty funny to watch someone have a complete meltdown on the Internet.

    [“When mom yells at me to stop being cruel to the gerbil, I have a meltdown in the seat of my pants.”]

    Like


  188. on October 12, 2010 at 11:15 am autistic peckerwood

    “Don’t you know how shaming language makes me dribble precum in my ms pacman underoos?”

    You are using classic feminist shaming language and debating tactics, which is laughable considering how much you claim to be an opponent of feminism.

    [Editor: “Contrarian here, again! My bunghole was once ravaged by a feminist. A feminist is a freshly shorn mongoose, right?”]

    But yeah, please continue your feminist meltdown. It’s pretty entertaining.

    [“I entertain myself by banging out ‘my other lover is a blow-up cheetah’ in morse code on a brick wall with my forehead.”]

    Like


  189. on October 12, 2010 at 11:28 am Gunslingergregi

    Ok that probably is the funniest shit ever posted.

    Like


  190. LOLZ at Editor comments. Some of your best work!

    Like


  191. Brilliant!

    Like


  192. on October 12, 2010 at 6:14 pm autistic peckerwood

    When feminists use shaming language and other things you’d expect from feminists, they’re dumbasses.

    [Editor: “But when I, contrarian, use shaming language, it’s like a shaft of rainbow squirting from my mottled ass!”]

    When roissy does the exact same thing, it’s suddenly “some of his best work.”

    [“And quite frankly, I get tired of stroking my raging lady wood with tweezers every time my comments are addressed here by my satanic lord and master.”]

    How does this work, exactly?

    [“I’ve tried sticking it in the air vent of my Foxy Roxxxy furry onesie but I keep slipping out. Do I need a hole insert for a snugger fit?”]

    I guess intellectual honesty isn’t one of the defining characteristics of PUAs.

    [“All this intellectual dishonesty stimulates my anal fissures. I’m ready to present, Pop!”]

    Like


  193. Firepower
    i luv seeing trolls destroyed, after being raped

    sounds like being in cell block nine with big blk Ron changed you firepower.

    Like


  194. chic note

    Firepower
    i luv seeing trolls destroyed, after being raped

    sounds like being in cell block nine with big blk Ron changed you firepower.

    then you done be lied to me, boo. back then, you sayd you name be Da-ron.

    autistic peckerwood

    “That you are an autistic peckerwood? Yes.”

    Hur hur hur. What are you, twelve years old?

    [Editor: “Hello, my name is contrarian, aka tjf, aka autistic peckerwood, aka perpetual bottom. I live in a hobbit hut built from earth and mud. I diddle to elf porn.”]

    what a strange, peculiar coinkydink that gaybooksformens isn’t here to comment on this assraping of tjf. hmmm

    lozzlllz

    Like


  195. firepower, your attempt at a comeback was sadder than a fat girl with no tits.

    just admit you giggled at what I wrote about you 🙂

    Like


  196. girl,
    you know
    you is my number 1

    Like


  197. that’s not what you told SD &aoefe last night 🙂

    Like


  198. Hey who diabled the smiley faces around here????

    If you want this place to turn into a sausage party then so be it, cause without emocons, girls won’t be bothered.

    Like


  199. chic noir

    that’s not what you told SD &aoefe last night 🙂

    dont mind them, they’re sluts

    Like


  200. on October 13, 2010 at 4:39 am autistic peckerwood

    Firepower: “what a strange, peculiar coinkydink that gaybooksformens isn’t here to comment on this assraping of tjf. hmmm”

    In case you didn’t notice already, I am having a complete rainman meltdown and using my balled fists to repeatedly punch my pasty white forehead into a bruised pulp while this shaming language and debating tactics (over something that doesn’t really amount to more than someone telling him they prefer vanilla over chocolate) gives me the buttercup sized boner I have been yearning for since Aiko penetrated Ichee with his octopus tentacle.

    [Editor: It’s all becoming so clear now.]

    Like


  201. autistic peckerwood

    …debating tactics (over something that doesn’t really amount to more than someone telling him they prefer vanilla over chocolate) gives me the buttercup sized boner I have been yearning for since Aiko penetrated Ichee with his octopus tentacle.

    Although I’m unfamiliar with the anime cartoons, I must admit that arguing over chocolate puts you in good stead with today’s American.

    You see: Autism can be handi-capable.

    Like


  202. on October 14, 2010 at 12:04 pm autistic peckerwood

    And where’s the proof showing that I’m autistic, or that I watch hentai, or that I’m lying about something, or…

    [Editor: “…that I smell like week-old tuna and old lady panties?”]

    Like feminists, you people just make things up at random.

    [“For instance, I do not sleep in a tauntaun sleeping bag.”]

    Except you are more childish and make even less sense than the most deranged fembot.

    [“This is contrarian, signing out from under my bed with a flashlight. Get help, you people!”]

    Like


  203. Come on now, why do you keep posting here Contratian?

    You realize that your whole argument with the Chateau is pointless. Nobody really gives a shit whether you watch anime, hentai, or whatver wierd shit thaqt might be out there.

    This thread is supposed to be about common shit tests, not you jacking off to pointless debates online.

    Christ

    Like


  204. on October 16, 2010 at 11:45 am Gunslingergregi

    Contrarian is going with the theme with shit test after shit test lol

    I give contrarian some credit he is one hard headed motherfucker lolzzzzzzzz

    If he gets that good woman and she goes for the shit test it will last until they starve to death going back and forth. he he he

    Like