Dating In The City: A Series

Time for another colonoscopic glimpse into the fetid bowels of the urban dating scene. This city provides enough material for a book.

Damian: I had a second date with that cute 25 year old chick I was telling you about.

Me: Yeah? How’d this one go?

Damian: After we warmed up a bit, she started talking about the incredible amount of sex she had in high school and college. All the guys she banged and the crazy sex acts she performed, threesomes, public sex, etc. She said she’s pretty sure she was a nympho at age seventeen.

Me: Uh oh. Bad sign.

Damian: Right. That’s what I was thinking. As I’m getting more disgusted and aroused simultaneously, she leans in and tells me “Just to let you know, you shouldn’t bother making a move. You won’t get anywhere. I changed my ways. I’m not going to have sex until I’m married.”

Me: Unbelievable. Is every girl in this city a headcase? Maybe she converted to an orthodox religion or something.

Damian: No, she’s not religious. After she drops that bomb, I stared at her for a few seconds, flabbergasted. There was tension. Then I said “Are you fucking crazy? What makes you think you can pull this shit on a quality guy like myself?” I was pissed.

Me: Wow. So I guess that was it, eh?

Damian: Not yet. She starts tearing up a little. I stand up and tell her I’m going. She asks me if I’m going to get a drink. I say no, I’m leaving. She asks if I’m going home. I say no, I’m not going home, I’m going to a bar to meet up with friends, the night is still young.

Me: I love how she imagines you will go home, alone, with your tail tucked between your legs.

Damian: I put on my coat, wish her good luck on finding someone, and leave. I cross the street and look back… I can see the chairs we were sitting on through the window of the lounge, and she’s still sitting there, holding her drink. This broad drove an hour from out of town to meet me in the city, she clearly went out of her way, she was interested… so I have to ask what’s going through her mind when she tells me sex is off the table? She must be used to dating the herbliest of Herbs who meekly accepted her terms.

Me: The irony here is that she was probably never more turned on than right at that moment when you called her out on her shit. I bet that’s the first time she got wet since she became a born again virgin.

Damian: On the plus side I’m five for five getting girls to drive out of their way to meet me near my place.





Comments


  1. This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve read all morning! Is that bad? Maybe it’s because I came across exactly this situation a few years ago (minus the driving-for-an-hour part) and had more or less the same mental reaction. My actual reaction mostly reflected the horrible, pathetic beta-osity that was Pippin v.1, but even then I had enough game to pull through and do her many, many times in the following month or two.

    In retrospect, mine was probably the dumbest shit test ever. Zeets’ loon sounds like a real one.

    Like


  2. “Are you fucking crazy? What makes you think you can pull this shit on a quality guy like myself?”

    Come on zeets… are those exact words or what you wish you said?

    “quality guy” gave it away.

    Still, respect for leaving.

    Like


  3. on November 24, 2008 at 11:30 am ironrailsironweights

    If it’s any consolation, I’m sure this nutty chick did not have a GNP. She sounds like the Bald Eagle type for sure.

    Peter

    Like


  4. Oh, ‘cmon. Zeets really bought that she wouldn’t have sex with him after proclaiming what a nympho she was – and still is. I can’t believe he fell for that. She was really just getting that admission out of the way, and would’ve attacked him later.

    Like


  5. i have come to the firm opinion that this city wouldn’t be so filled with female head cases if it were not also filled with a collection of some of the most neuter-ized, pussified men on god’s green earth.

    and i’m sure it felt great to call this broad on her bullshit, but i wonder if it wouldn’t have felt better to plow through and make her eat her words, along with… well, along with other things.

    Like


  6. yamdallah-
    I agree she probably was testing him and was probably going to give him sex if he pushed, but fuck that, it was still a ridiculous thing for her to say. “Yeah, I got my back blown out on the regular, but now that I let everyone else have a piece I plan to make YOU wait. Because I’m such a prize.”

    Fuck that.

    Like


  7. I would have called her a fucking retard… we all know how that ends though… a little messy

    Wait was she Russian?

    Like


  8. Zeets went Junior Varsity.

    “Just to let you know, you shouldn’t bother making a move. You won’t get anywhere. I changed my ways. I’m not going to have sex until I’m married.”

    That is the most obvious “defense mechanism” a girl will use.

    Whenever a girl comes over and says, “I will come in, but I will not sleep with you, OK?”. You can pretty much light up a smoke, pour a glass of tempranillo and kick up you Gucci Loafers…because she WILL sleep with you.

    This is simple girl psychology. Cause when she DOES sleep with you, it will seem like she doesn’t do it all the time.

    The True lesson of the story:

    Never date a girl that lives an hour away from DC. Where could she possibly be from? Towson? Fredrick, MD? VA? Low end.

    In DC you want to stick with the Ambassadors daughters, Diplomats Daughters, Daughters of the DC elite (historical families) and an occasional GW, G-town, or AU rich girl or foreign girl.

    The hottest G-town medical student girl will work as well.

    – MPM

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  9. You guys need to get out of DC.

    “All the guys she banged and the crazy sex acts she performed, threesomes, public sex, etc. She said she’s pretty sure she was a nympho at age seventeen.”

    That is pretty much the definition of a “good girl” in Los Angeles.

    – MPM

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  10. A 25-year-old girl really said point-blank that she had been a slut and a nympho in the past? Is that normal now?

    I’m presuming she was a sober, normal female on a first date… weird.

    The pre-emptive “no-nookie” speech, however, sounds believable. I got that once when I picked up a girl — within the first two minutes of her getting into my car on a first date. I was 19, she 18. Any notion of “game” would have been a universe away for me at that time, especially since she was had been one of the honor-student good girls in my high school.

    Like


  11. Pupu wonders whether Zeets has convinced the girls to drive out of their way to watch his giant TV from nearby his place.

    Like


  12. “That is pretty much the definition of a “good girl” in Los Angeles.”

    Ah, so true. I’ve only been out here since August and you have no idea how much I miss the crazy psycho yet unbelievably hot and dirty LA girls. Sigh.

    Like


  13. on November 24, 2008 at 1:20 pm mission accomplished

    Yeah I think I came across her right after you left – she was sitting there with her drink – I guess you could see it all over her face –

    So I pulled up a chair next to her and said “Hi, I don’t have sex until were married” and she said “are you fucking kidding me?” and I said “you can’t pull that shit on a (quality) guy like me, I’m leaving – and she slipped off her chair onto the floor because of the giant puddle in her chair..

    Then she had sex in the bathroom with the guy who had to mop the floor

    Like


  14. Any guy who has been around long enough has encountered at least one girl that gives the no-sex before marriage BS but to preface it with how much of a whore she was before she met you?! That’s just fucking retarded so either she’s special ed, crazy, or both.

    Like


  15. Fuck that… that’s an open invitation to bang the snot out of her later that evening. No bitch that loves sex is going to say some shit like that and mean it. Not if your game is tight…

    Zeek should have laughed and told her “oh really now? i certainly doubt that…”

    I mean seriously, you ALL know that’s bullshit and she was just saying it to make herself feel better. Almost EVERY bitch that has told me some stupid shit like that has ended up sucking my dick with reckless abandon either that night or only a few days later.

    Here is a question for Zeek… Did you expect to bang her that night? If not, why did you walk off?

    I think there has to exist a MUCH better way to parry that shit-test than walking off.

    Like


  16. lol…

    Zeek

    Like


  17. on November 24, 2008 at 1:35 pm Dr. Grzlickson

    VK, that story gets funnier every time you mention it.

    Like


  18. Hmmm…from an old warpig’s perspective, I believe that she’s a newly reality checked girl trying to play the innocent game and failing. From the fact that one of you was dating her, I can assume that she was under 25 and media pretty. Something apparently happened to her in the past that let her know that being pretty means nothing more for a woman than it does for a flower, but she hasn’t quite absorbed that message fully yet.

    She’s used to this game working for her, at least enough to get her laid with someone who will pretend to like her, because most guys are indeed swayed by her “beauty”. A few will even forgive her past and commit to her for the privilege of having a pretty girl on their arm. This is what she is filtering for…a future cuckold.

    If indeed she was a “born again virgin” her past would remain vague due to lack of relevence, unless or until she was asked specific questions about it. She would be filtering out guys who are overly uptight, or specifically concerned about the numbers, rather than guys who would demand monogamy.

    If people are honest with themselves about what they really want or need, I can’t say whether quality is an issue here. Lots of quality people are sexually interesting or a tad “deviant”. Most guys seem to want someone who everyone else around them wants to screw, and this is more important to them than almost anything else about her. I find that somewhat bizarre, yet it is the norm.

    Some guys want a woman who they can be fairly sure will someday introduce them to the world of swinging or cuckoldry, or she may be looking for a Master to tame her. If that’s what you want, great. Get with this one. If it’s not, then avoid her like the plague.

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  19. on November 24, 2008 at 2:27 pm Pope Goaz D'Weezil

    It was excellent to call her on her bullshit. Perhaps if there was a little less acceptance of the no meaning yes, there would be a little less of the no meaning yes. A pipe dream, yes, but every team we fuck/ass fuck/Eiffel Tower the girl that said she absolutely wouldn’t, we just ingrain it further into them to feed us the bullshit lines.

    Before that, a girl talking about whoring it out that early in a “relationship” (or whatever you want to call it) is a huge warning sign. I don’t even know where to start with that. First things first, you’d have to hit that shit with a bottle of Clorox in your hand to clean that STD-ridden frequent flyer crevice out. Then there’s the fact that she’s telling you she did these things, but doesn’t do them now. That tells you that she doesn’t think bad things she does “count” if she changes her way. “Oh, all those jobs I couldn’t hold onto? That’s over now. I have been on this new job for 3 weeks and will be there forever.” Completely worthless bitch that will never own up to her mistakes.

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  20. Pupu agrees with Kick on Zeek. Go, Kick, Go!

    Like


  21. What is this, another JDate horror story?

    I think Zeets handled it appropriately. There is just no good way to handle that situation. I think the feminists would be grimly educated by coming across a woman who took her role as “gatekeeper” so seriously. How DARE Zeets slut-shame her by refusing to dance to her tune and put forth good $ and time, when her only sin is being an “experienced” woman?

    Sometimes the only thing to do is walk away.

    Like


  22. i have to agree with Roosh….”quality guy like myself” is just poor. not to mention, horseshit.

    Like


  23. “quality guy like myself”

    Also, it’s terrible grammar.

    Like


  24. haha… my cock is of the highest quality

    Like


  25. ….”quality guy like myself” is just poor. not to mention, horseshit.

    hey, i was going by memory of the conversation i had with zeets. a word here and there may be off, but the gist of what he said is true.

    Like


  26. either a “challenge” to get him interested in what he can’t have while simultaneously broadcasting her sluttiness (former but still present really)….or establishing her grip on the sex faucet from early on….either way….a terribly ineffective play on her part.

    Like


  27. “I’ve got a lot of work tomorrow, I’m tired, and I have to wake up early”
    “Come, go to sleep, I’ll tuck you in.”

    B-A-N-G

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  28. Women be shoppin am i right guys

    Like


  29. q: do you dress up in steven van zandt gear like that “mystery” dude, or do you have a shaved head and goatee like neil strauss? trying to figure out which look works best, i’m planning on having a series of really shitty dates for the next couple of years interspersed with occasional hate-fucking.

    Like


  30. That seems an all-time stupid play. Girl obviously was interested to drive that far.

    Then she relates all sorts of off-putting sexual adventures with prior guys, and tells the guy she’s on a date with that he’s not good enough for “that” but can buy her drinks and dinner for the pleasure of her conversation.

    It’s stupid.

    But maybe a power-play on the gal’s part — wanting to put down some guy just to boost her ego. Perhaps she’d seen signs her beauty was fading and wanted to deflate some guy. Women can be very dense about what guys like, anecdotally some women can and do boast about prior sexual experiences and think it’s a turn-on, penciling in their own behavior for guys.

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  31. it’s interesting that so many of you guys seem like you’re trying to pick apart this girl’s rationale when it’s entirely likely that she has none. think about the difference between how men and women approach dating. men pursue, and therefore are always subjecting their actions to logical dissection: did it work when i did this? how did it work? etc. it seems that most women do nothing approximating this, and are much more likely to chalk up their dating successes or failure to some vaguely-defined thing like chemistry or type.

    so, zeets may have taught this girl a lesson, or maybe not. she could just think that he’s an asshole, an opinion that will be reinforced when the next schmuck falls for this bullshit. i tend to treat all things like this as a shit test and just deflect and plow through. i don’t really see the point in actually getting upset about it.

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  32. Maybe it was just bad female game. Just as some misguided guys think that being a weepy nice guy will impress the girl, some girls think that advertising her past will impress the guy.

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  33. btw, lol:

    Me: I love how she imagines you will go home, alone, with your tail tucked between your legs.

    Why do you think this woman would “imagine” that he would go home with his tail tucked between his legs, since he was the one who said, “fuck this, I’m gone”, in what I’m sure was an impressive display of control over the situation? Sounds like she was more stunned by what he said than actually thinking, “ha, now that he said THAT he’s gonna go home all deflated!”

    A good rule of thumb imo is to NOT overreact and whine about how you don’t deserve such dreadful treatment and then run away into the night and then later try to frame the conversation in such a manner as show the appearance of a victory. I mean, in this overly refined rewrite of a Coffee Bean conversation it sounds like, “I was not going to fall for her elaborate ruse”. Yeah, sure. But in real life (i.e. not a blog posting) that shit probably played like some dude who had a spaz attack hissy fit and ran away when he thought he might not get laid that night. Game should glide and be invisible and roll wraithlike with the punches, not seize up and vomit forth a clumsy reaction based on half-digested philosophy.

    I mean, if your goal is to just get laid and not find that “special someone” *cue strings*, can’t get pissed when someone throws a stick through your spokes. And if your sub-goal is to throw up roadblocks at the game women run, reacting like that is weak.

    Remember how Obama reacted during the debates w/McCain, when faced with direct, personal, nasty criticism? Remember how he dealt with Joe the Almost-Plumber? Oh, right. He totally didn’t react at all. And that just riled the rightwing up a lot more. And they looked like a bunch of idiots in the face of it.

    Good advice to follow: http://i26.tinypic.com/35kpd78.gif

    That’s all I’m gonna say on this. This kinda game is MLS, I play NFL.

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  34. It may have been one giant elaborate shit test, but by the time she finished telling her sordid little tale, I knew someones daddy was probably a weak, spineless man. I can’t remember if I ever walked out on a date before, but it felt great and was totally appropriate. Nothing about being a “qaulity man” was mentioned…..I was quite cool and measured. I just knew at that moment that I had lost all interest in her and it was time to go.

    Zeets

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  35. Lance: “this city wouldn’t be so filled with female head cases if it were not also filled with a collection of some of the most neuter-ized, pussified men on god’s green earth.”

    high IQ men (120, 125 +) tend towards pussified. naturally masculine alpha high IQ men are the minority today, in my view

    especially among american jews. it could be me, but it’s the rare jewish women who is a girly girl, yes dear type. these women are naturally high on the ‘masculine energy’ scale

    off topic – but an interesting opinion piece here on the virtues of “Polygamous ” societies :

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2008/nov/20/animalbehaviour-evolution

    Like


  36. on November 24, 2008 at 6:24 pm Days of Broken Arrows

    Excuse the phrasing, but “reformed whores” are beyond annoying. I once had an elderly editor (and former minister) warn me about women like this in explicit language. That’s how annoying they are.

    Here’s the deal: They’re power and control freaks. They first try to control thru sex. Then when they realize that’s not working anymore, they control by withholding sex. But it’s always about sex as power and control. This is a stripper mentality, except you can’t hand them a $20 and watch them dance.

    It wasn’t stupid to walk away, as an above poster says.* There are too many women in the world (in DC, for that matter) to deal with this type of stuff.

    By the way, my criticism is not directed towards women who simply don’t want to be sexual because of moral reasons. But when you get the “Yes I do but not with you” line, it’s time to walk away. Immediately.

    * Bring back the numbers!!

    Like


  37. Good for you, zeets. I still remember the first time I walked out on a date and the absolutely liberating effect it had on me when I realized I could.

    “Why don’t you save that tone for whoever your future long-suffering husband will be? I don’t know what kind of guy you’re used to, but I assure you I am not he.”

    I was walking on air for a month.

    Like


  38. “Bring back the numbers!!”

    The guy that wrote the Mistylook theme used by this site says it’s something that WordPress did on the back end.

    http://wprocks.com/forums/comments.php?DiscussionID=1584

    Like


  39. Jam said, “But in real life (i.e. not a blog posting) that shit probably played like some dude who had a spaz attack hissy fit and ran away when he thought he might not get laid that night. Game should glide and be invisible and roll wraithlike with the punches, not seize up and vomit forth a clumsy reaction based on half-digested philosophy. ”

    Look, there’s a time for being smooth, and then there’s a time to jump up like a bat out of hell. This was one of those bat out of hell times.

    The natural reaction, in such cases, is the best. Even if the next guy or other guys after that don’t run away, she’ll remember the one who did, and frankly, whether he was just after sex or could possibly love her is irrelevant. Neither of them knew what it could have led to in the future, at that time.

    Her history in numbers is not so much the concern, in my opinion, as how she handles it.

    Look at it from the flipside…I’m on a date with a guy, and he starts, on the first date, quizzing me about my past. So I remind him of my orientation, and tell him how many serious relationships I’ve had. Not good enough, he wants to know all the juicy details of what we’ve done, and how was it.

    The need-to-know wall goes up, and he’s told that what happened with my partners and I is between us.

    Discretion is key here. Whether you’re after a woman to shag or a woman to love, you want whoever you do, to be worth doing. Reading a guy your wrap sheet on the first date, you just don’t do. It’s not even his business until he’s making moves in a relationship direction.

    Aside of indiscreet, wrap sheet reading is a masculine/cuckoldress move. If you’re not into that, you should opt out…and being in the “alternative” (though not cuckolding) sphere myself, this is something that should have been expressed from the beginning. If you’re kinky, you advertise on that basis.

    If she had said, “I’m a woman with an incredibly high sex drive, and it has always been my fantasy to spend my life with someone whose personality I adored, who loves to watch me shag other men,” none of this would ever have happened. She could find a guy who was into that, so she has no excuse trying to rope a vanilla guy into a non consensual cheat-fest.

    Getting the hell out of there was a very smart move, and though I hope it taught her a lesson, that is secondary to the good fortune of Zeets having escaped that drama.

    Like


  40. HP: high IQ men (120, 125 +) tend towards pussified. naturally masculine alpha high IQ men are the minority today, in my view

    I’m not so sure. Cautious people who are afraid of making mistakes will appear more intelligent than they really are, because, well, they make fewer dumb mistakes. Less restrained people will often appear dumber than they really are since they tend to get all confident about stuff when they don’t know shit (eg. roissy with politics).

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  41. I’m with the crowd that thinks Zeets acted sensibly. My question, though: What on earth did the girl *think* she was up to? I realize that I may be mistaken right out of the gate in allowing that she’s capable of “thinking” … But: Did she think she was being seductive in a pull-push kind of way? Was she just bragging and acting-out and expecting others to take it? Does it matter? She’s either fucked up or so badly socialized she might as well be a head case.

    Like


  42. Jam is another Obama worshiping beta whose opinion means nothing. He just wants to tax working people and “spread the wealth”.

    Like


  43. on November 24, 2008 at 8:54 pm secret asian man

    Obvious power game on her part. She obviously likes sex, so withholding it up front is her way of showing she has power over men.

    Most likely this is connected to a former-fatty complex – once she was fat and had to spread ’em to get ’em. Now that she’s thin, she wants to repudiate her past by showing she doesn’t have to put out to get ass, and also show that she doesn’t have to deal with men who expect sex.

    She’s got an inner game problem.

    The correct solution is once again amused mastery – say to her that it doesn’t bother you, that you respect that, and turn the frame on her.

    Tell her you’re her new male best friend and start using her to pick up better-looking women. It’ll deflate both of her frames.

    Like


  44. Yes, Zeets was right to run out of there like a deadbeat dad, but I think she’s a longtime skank who’s always attracted men by being explicit and wants to change but her formula for dealing with men is so warped that she thinks that speech would intrigue him.

    Like


  45. on November 24, 2008 at 9:07 pm ironrailsironweights

    Here’s something delightfully different for today: a preggo GNP.

    Peter

    Like


  46. I would have said, “What the fuck gives you the idea I’m going to have sex with you?” Then walked away. Good job though

    Like


  47. Mark in Ark
    Jam is another Obama worshiping beta whose opinion means nothing. He just wants to tax working people and “spread the wealth”.

    People like you are very funny. When sh*t goes south for them they are first to scream “what about me, I paid taxes for x amount of years blah blah blah”.

    The way the world works today is unlike that of 100 years and 50 years ago. We are all interconnected. When troubles happen somewhere else in the world we all feel it one way or another.

    Europeans who invested money into Iceland’s banks lost their money*. I don’t have a mortgage but I will pay for the mess of those who have/had mortgages they can’t afford. I don’t mind helping someone who is down. I just want someone to have my back if things ever go bad for me.

    Like


  48. I can’t help but echo much of what was already said. I know it’s the 21st century and more enlightened times and all, but any woman who thinks a guy wants to hear about her past sexual trysts or a “numbers count” is fucking insane.

    Like


  49. Mark in Ark,
    If Jam’s opinion means nothing, why would yours mean any more?

    Like


  50. “any woman who thinks a guy wants to hear about her past sexual trysts or a “numbers count” is fucking insane.”

    Well, a lot of guys ask for a number count. When faced with that question sane women who’ve been with as many guys as this chick has lie.

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  51. “Well, a lot of guys ask for a number count.”

    True. And those guys are idiots. As the English journalist Tony Parsons once wrote:

    “THE most unrealistic scene in cinema history is the one in Four Weddings And A Funeral where Andie MacDowell tells Hugh Grant about her sexual history.

    This scene is more unrealistic than the one in Alien when that foetus on a skateboard bursts out of John Hurt’s belly.

    It is more unrealistic than the one in ET where Drew Barrymore surprises an extraterrestrial prune lurking in her brother’s bedroom.

    And it is far more unrealistic than the one in the new Jim Carrey film, Bruce Almighty, when a monkey flies out of someone’s butt.

    All these scenes are studies in hyper-realism compared with Andie telling Hugh about all the notches on her bedpost, and Hugh doesn’t even call her a whore.

    You will recall the scene. Hugh Grant’s character is a shy, bumbling Englishman so sexually inexperienced he couldn’t locate his penis without an A to Z.

    Andie’s character, however, is an American woman who has been round the block and covered the waterfront. If she were a car, somebody would have turned her clock back by now.

    As the lovely Andie recalls her great loves, her lesser loves and her quick bunk-ups against a garage wall with a long line of inappropriate men, Hugh sits there, falling ever deeper in love. Yeah, right.

    He doesn’t say much, except a few charmingly mumbled exclamations along the lines of “Golly – ooh, I say – goodness me.”

    How would the scene have played in real life?

    Before Andie reached double figures – let alone her third dozen – the guy would have been on his feet, incandescent with sexual jealousy.

    “You slept with him? You strumpet! And him? Not him! You filthy little slattern! Be gone from my life! You’re just a devil woman with evil on your mind!” ”

    Any guy who asks for numbers is an idiot. Any woman who volunteers it is an idiot.

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  52. Wow, this post and comment thread is whiny, complaining, and bitchy even for this blog. All the impotent fantasizing about having the power to make women as miserable as they make you.

    Also, Nicole, you’re super kinky. A question for you: does that really make you happy, or is it a second best solution for not being able to get a man you want to commit to you? It’s a serious question, I’m curious.

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  53. Shoulda fucked her that night and never called her again.

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  54. “the herbliest of Herbs”

    Battleaxe “the new Jim Carrey film, Bruce Almighty”
    === 2003 is the new 2008

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  55. Chic — support for taxes works only so far as the expectation that taxes will support “you and yours.” Largely, that is not the case in today’s PC-Multicultural world. The UK is the worst, where law abiding middle class people face jail or huge fines for putting the wrong trash in the Wheelie bins, while thugs go free and the populace is warned not to resist or they could be jailed, not the thugs. Protected, but still minority numbers PC-classes break the law at will with no comeback.

    Among other troublesome issues, polygamy is legal in Britain, and welfare pays for it. How long before the BNP asks most British men if they’re happy paying for the Sheik’s harem? Not long I think.

    High taxes requires clean and efficient government, oversight, but most of all a homogeneous population so the money is all spent on the vast majority of the people. Not “pet” PC classes.
    ———–

    I think the woman had the mistaken impression that large numbers of partners would impress a man the way they would a woman. A guy who offers social proof of desirability with numbers suffers no loss of sexiness. A woman is sexy or not in her physicality (which is more than just physical beauty, it is carriage, intelligence, judgment, voice, gaze, and more). No further judgment needed and every extra partner is an indicator of either lack of bonding, likelihood of STD, future cheating, or all three.

    This is why most men would prefer a nice but less attractive girl with far fewer partners than Paris Hilton.

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  56. Re the polygamy link.

    No matter how much Muslims seek to normalize this, it will never be accepted. In fact, Polygamy and the practice of it extended to non-traditionally racial background Muslim women, i.e. native European women, or Jamaican background women, or what have you will provoke a predictable reaction:

    VIOLENCE.

    Ghengis Khan sired all those kids because he had a huge warrior/patronage network that few could stand against. By contrast the AK-47, courtesy of Mikhail Kalashnikov, is the great equalizer and makes Joe Average the equal of the Khan. Someone poaches Joe Average’s girl, for a harem, Joe Average is liable to break out the firearms and kill some people.

    It happened to Joseph Smith. What do you think the gang violence in the urban center is all about? (hint: it’s not about this season’s HGTV “Design Star.”)

    Nobody on the steppes of Asia could do much about polygamy. Technology changes everything now. Even the biggest Big Man can be taken out. By the most omega.

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  57. MQ says, “Also, Nicole, you’re super kinky.”

    Oh that’s so cute. Most of my “alternative” peers think I’m not kinky enough…too much of a realist.

    “A question for you: does that really make you happy, or is it a second best solution for not being able to get a man you want to commit to you? It’s a serious question, I’m curious.”

    It’s a fair question, since many women suddenly come out of the kinky closet in their late 30’s but my history is ALOT longer than that. I’ve been openly into BDSM since I was 15…probably before, since my favorite game as a child was cowboys and Indians.

    I just never grew out of that I guess.

    So I’m aware that at my current age, the scene is a little overcrowded with women my age who figure they’ll get into BDSM because Dommes and female subs are very sough after, and people don’t care as much about one’s sexual history. The good news though, is that as BDSM becomes less of a fetish and more of a kink, people are getting into relationships more often, so overall conduct is more important.

    More subs are looking for a 24/7, and more real Doms want to truly develop their subs in a way that simply can’t be done in one night a month.

    Also, many subs feel much more comfortable with an established couple. It provides more stability, and an example of emotional capability and discretion.

    Another thing you may be misunderstanding about me is that I don’t have trouble finding a man to commit to me. The problem is finding a man in Israel who isn’t so xenophobic and/or impotent that any woman outside his ethnicity is only qualified to be his mistress, and can never be a serious partner.

    Sharing with another woman isn’t my issue. Dallying with someone I’m not in a relationship with, and have no chance to be, is not my thing. Playing second fiddle to someone without an instrument is a problem. I shouldn’t be treated like the whore, even the much loved whore, just because the guy was stupid enough to marry a whore who stopped having sex with him as soon as she got pregnant.

    I also won’t play the whore for a guy who expresses a desire for that sort of arrangement. As loved as some mistresses are, I will not participate in the goya/kuffar placage system here.

    …and I won’t even do that in a BDSM context. So, kinky as I am, I haven’t taken a slave here in years either.

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  58. — THE most unrealistic scene in cinema history is the one in Four Weddings And A Funeral where Andie MacDowell tells Hugh Grant about her sexual history

    Office Space gets it right:

    “You slept with Lumbergh ??!”

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  59. To Nicole –

    I have found, myself, as the BDSM scene grows more developed, it also becomes something I don’t want to deal with; not, to be fair, that I ever wanted to deal with the scene (I like the subject material without liking most of the subjects, as it were), but as more of the general population becomes aware of that kind of thing, you unfortunately have to deal more with the general population. Being someone who is very picky about people, I find this is a double-edged sword. I have more (easily accessible) choice in people (as most women are kinkier than they think in the right hands), but I also have to wade through more sub-human pigfucker morons.

    C’est la vie.

    On a personal note:

    For Fuck’s sake, no more finance commentary. It’s as bad as the political commentary on here. Do your homework first if you want to talk about this; there’s enough blowhard morons out there saying shit about a finance, monetary, and banking system they don’t understand already (Ben Stein).

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  60. Jackson, it’s true that when BDSM was farther out on the fringes, the “club” was more exclusive, but it was also more dangerous. People didn’t have the backup then that they do now, if things went wrong. At the same time though, you’re right about the general population thing.

    I’d have rather seen it just stop being labelled as something that made someone mentally ill by default, without making it trendy in the mainstream. The trendiness is what killed some communities and made it more difficult to find someone who really understood the gravity of it.

    BDSM is much more intense, in my opinion, than regular sex because of the level of trust needed between Dom and sub, or Top and bottom. There’s greater clarity but also more risk of physical and mental damage, so a Dom has to be a loving and responsible person. On the surface, one can look cruel, but that’s just image.

    Back in the fetish days, it was common that people who were into it, knew the difference between image and theatrics, and the reality…that a good Dom was paying very close attention to what was going on with their sub, and absolutely would not cross a hard limit. Fantasy and reality were in their proper place most of the time.

    Now, the lines aren’t so clear, and I’m encountering more and more people, “Dom” and “sub” who just don’t get it. The pseudo Doms don’t think they need any training, and nobody can tell them anything, and the pseudo subs want aggressive sex or to express their fetish, not a real BDSM experience or relationship.

    If it helps, I can tell you how I sort the wheat from the chaffe as a Domme.

    First, I make it clear that I don’t have sex with subs unless they’re my ltr boyfriend or husband. I also make it clear that being my slave means that they belong to me, and that even though I’m not interested in wrecking their lives, I demand to be an influential part of their lives. If they don’t want to be seen with me under normal circumstances, they are not qualified to be my slave. The outside world should see them as at least a friend with whom I am very affectionate.

    In the U.S. a few people met my requirements. In Israel, none have so far. It’s such an ethnically divided place that even though many have expressed a desire for my attention, the stigma of being viewed as attached to a non whatever Black woman is too great for them.

    So it’s one of those happier alone things. Being alone is much better than being used by people who think I’m a donkey or infidel, and that my death would be like the death of a cow or something.

    I’m not so alone though. My young protege is Dom, and recognizes the need for perspective and training. So I understand more than theoretically, that it is a matter of making sure one’s own house is in order before searching for another. Needs are needs, but I don’t need anything so badly to waste time with idiots.

    Pity has no place in mate selection, so when you smell b.s. hit the road with no apologies. Accept that the world is full of pigfuckers, and have peace about it. In a jungle, there are just going to be snakes and mosquitoes…no need to carry anger and fear in your heart about this. Just do what needs to be done to protect yourself, with impunity.

    If those people want to all get together and play at BDSM, then good for them. I don’t have to be involved in their psychodramas. I do what I can to inform people who are real, and might be vulnerable to that kind of people, but so long as those people keep to themselves, I have no problem with them playing pseudogoth vampire or whatever with one another.

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  61. I’m all teared up from just reading that story. :’D How sad!

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  62. Josh, it’s not that she wouldn’t put out. Her not giving him sex was kind of irrelevant during the actual date. The problem was that she was doing the equivalent of a guy telling a girl, “Yeah I’ve done alot of coke in the past, and went on some wild parties banging anonymous women, men, dogs, whatever, but I’m a changed man…”

    I wouldn’t have faulted him for flailing his hands and screaming like a bitch on the way out of there.

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  63. Another thing you may be misunderstanding about me is that I don’t have trouble finding a man to commit to me.

    Actually, from your long posts it sounds like you do and you’re a bit in denial about it. Committment doesn’t mean a guy who will deign to sleep with you, it means a man who is proud to be with you and gives you a central role in his life.

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  64. Self-publishing only makes sense for very low volume books. You could write a bigger seller. You’ve developed the material by writing all these blog posts. You should aim for the kind of money Christian Lander is making.

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  65. MQ, I have two of those already.

    My life…is very complicated.

    My second husband and I are still a couple in many ways, just not sexual because he came to that point in his life where what he needs is what he needs, and well…I couldn’t continue along that way because I developed a mild allergy to certain kinds of wool, and became more fit.

    I also have needs that well, let’s just say that my level of intensity was physically injurious, and did not help him to get over his fetish and enjoy intercourse. When he met me I was still recovering from some health problems. The healthier and more fit I get, the more difficult it is to find partners at a certain minimum of fitness and strength. So part of my problem is physical incompatibility with most available males.

    So…then began the search for a consort: a guy who doesn’t need paperwork to consider himself in a stable, serious relationship, who is physically very strong, and who is not xenophobic. I need a Greek ideal kind of guy who has both brains and brawn.

    Israel is a small country, and this has been very difficult, but thank goodness for a massive influx of Russians.

    So now I have a protege who is physically strong and not xenophobic. The problem with him is only age. He is almost exactly 20 years younger than me, and needs to have his independence before he can decide to give it up. So I don’t require monogamy from him, but for similar reasons to my own, he finds it difficult to find partners he wishes to do more with than shag a time or two.

    It may well be that I’m doomed to break stallions until I’m too old to enjoy sex.

    Poor me.

    …but I already have someone to grow old with.

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  66. The only girl I ever met who said she wouldn’t have sex before marriage was a mormon chick visiting L.A. from Utah who was interning with a clothing designer downtown. She was hot and fun so I stuck with it and I sucked her pussy to orgasm within a week. Oh yeah, and then we had sex before she went back to Mormontown. So much for her future husband’s chaste wife.

    Dr. F

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