Big Fat Phony Smile

If the eyes are the window to the soul, the smile is the neon vacancy sign outside the motel.

yentaattack2.jpg
I don’t *feel* high maintenance.

Girls love to smile, whether it’s justified or not.  A broad smile illuminates the face and makes the world notice her.  There is probably some Freudian oral delights aspect to it as well.  The next time you are walking outside, try counting the number of people you see smiling or who smile at you as you pass.  It’s usually no one.  For a girl during her peak beauty years, every waking minute is a good reason to smile and advertise her exalted place within humanity.

There can be too much of a good thing.  The smile’s impact wanes when it becomes a fixture on the face, like the nose.  It loses any meaning and begins to suggest mental vacuity.  So many American girls (European girls seem to be immune to this affliction) have such inflated self-esteems that they flash insincere smiles constantly lest anyone forget to be entranced by them.  The impossibly wide phony smile is the tool in trade of the attention whore.  Now when I see a girl like the one in the photo above smiling like a prom queen I conclude she is a vapid girl with a non-existent inner world who will need to be gamed high-energy style.  The problem with dating girls who smile obsessively is that if you ever give them a reason to drop the smile they will hate you for life.

True sexiness is a lost art.  A woman is incredibly sexy when she balances her time smiling with the detached expression of a relaxed mouth.  She lets her eyes pick up the slack left by the smile.  When I’m talking to a girl whose eyes do most of the subcommunication I get the sense the hamster has not fallen off the wheel in her head.

You won’t see guys smiling as much because the pursuit of women is serious business.  Or maybe they think a straight face looks tough, cool, and emotionally self-contained.  In the dating field, guys who smile just a bit too much are approval-seekers rather than approval-givers.  They want the girls to notice how good-natured and fun-loving they are.  In other aspects of life, men who smile too much are looked upon with suspicion.  In fact, there is a word for perpetually smiling guys — used car salesmen.

One thing the naturals do well is the friendly smile when approaching women.  This automatically sets them apart from most men.  But they drop the smile before it gets stale.  The smile alternates with the serious face and is punctuated with the occasional cocky smirk — it all plays into the girl’s desire for an unpredictable man.  If she’s smiling because of some deliberate action on my part, all is good.  If she’s smiling like a retarded billboard ad, I tell her she has a piece of food stuck in her teeth.





Comments


  1. roissy

    what do you expect

    braces cost a lot of money

    europeans don’t get braces

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  2. haha. Nice response.

    As a guy aren’t you supposed to be smiling when you walk in to a bar/club?

    I bought The Game last night at 9:00 PM, came across it at Barnes and Nobles by accident, while killing time waiting for a 9:30 simpson’s showing. I read the first 10 pages and then bought the book. By 9:30 I was at page 50.

    The most ridiculous part is that all that’s in there is probably true. I seriously lost most of my respect for women after reading the first 100 pages of that book.

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  3. She just has an ugly smile. It’s that tiara that makes me want to slap her.

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  4. So many American girls (European girls seem to be immune to this affliction) . . .

    I’ll vouch for that, at least among Spaniards (lived in Barcelona a total of a year, in two stays). That’s a huge part of the allure of the European woman in the eyes of American guys — you don’t feel like you’re interacting with a bratty little kid who happens to pay taxes. It’s like they never grow out of the “CHEEEEEEEEESE!” smiles that look-at-me pre-pubescents make.

    That’s the one redeeming thing about August in the DC area: lots of foreign babes are here during their month-long vacations. A sight for sore eyes.

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  5. irina – we have identified the culprit. braces have ruined american women.

    nullpointer – yes, but don’t overdo it. smile on the approach.

    agnostic – the allure, ah yes. euro girls don’t giddily smile as much as american girls but when they do you know you’ve earned it.

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  6. No-go critiera:
    – Tiara
    – Gummy “skeletor” smile
    – Corona — makes your breath stink and tastes like you’re making out with a pile of vomit (drink gin and tonics for chrissakes)

    (The last one is negotiable because if I were drunk to the point of making out with a girl wearing a tiara and wielding choppers like that, her breath wouldnt really be an issue anymore)

    So yeah, ladies. Unless you think it’s fun to have every guy in the bar hoping see it knocked off your head in a violent manner, go ahead and wear a tiara out.

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  7. Gosh there is just so much material from just one picture. First, she’s not as high maintenance as one might believe, since her hair is in her face, her fingernails aren’t polished, she’s leaning over like a hunchback, and both the watch and the bracelet look cheap. If she was truly high maintenance, she would have made sure her appearance was absolutely perfect. Due to the body pose and huge smile, I simply would categorize her as an attention whore (for the camera, that is, but perhaps more). Second, she’s aging rapidly based on the depth of her cheek creases as she smiles, and the fact that her eyes are quite sunken in their sockets. I wouldn’t doubt that there are dark circles under her eyes covered up with a little flesh-colored eye cream. Third, she’s not posing with a good looking guy that makes her look like she has good taste in men (the whole king-queen image, although the tiara is a nice touch — NOT).

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  8. I don’t get you guys. If she’d ditch the Jokerface she’d be pretty decent. Although she appears to be standing in a garbage bag, which is a bit odd. And she’s way, way too cheery to have been crowned Queen Of The Shabbas. Yenta attack, indeed.

    It’s always important to remember that humans are the only species that don’t immediately take bared teeth as a gesture of threat and menace.

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  9. you guys are tougher than even i am. she’s pretty cute. she’s gummy, sure, but overall not bad. gatsby, you have the eye of a social critic. good call on the jewelry and fingernails. for my part, all i could see was her million watt smile.

    there is a funny context to this photo. someone was taking a pic of me and 4 of my buddies when she divebombed in and hogged the lens. we were looking at her like ‘wtf?’

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  10. She’s clearly not at a bar. It’s clearly a WASP suburban house party. Maybe she’s celebrating something? Not sure when you’d wear a Tiara past high school.

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  11. You get her number?

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  12. You get her number?

    this party was over a year ago. i was seeing someone at the time.
    in hindsight, maybe i should have gone for it…

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  13. The phonier the smile the more desperate a person is.

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  14. […] me. She looks vaguely like Hilary Swank, but with better teeth. Her posture is ramrod straight. The smile on her face doesn’t falter. She never breaks eye contact. Her energy is intense. I feel like […]

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  15. […] walking over right after they mugged for the club photographer, plastering themselves with phony smiles. How do you approach? Who do you address first? What do you say? What energy level do you […]

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  16. […] the most comfortable and self-assured of all the men. Note the perfect hint of a smile — not too forced, not too pinched. What does this say? It says “You, cameraman, have not yet won me […]

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  17. […] Ha haa! This quote sums up the American woman well. American women are bank managers and pompous, phony laughers who take themselves too seriously because America has spoiled them. American men need to relearn […]

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  18. […] the woman getting the queen bee treatment. Yenta! It’s not just an electric car. Her smile may be a mile wide, but her eyes betray infinite sadness. By the way she is smothering her dog with affection I safely […]

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  19. […] saw last week? Or is phoniness the new black? Maybe you think the phony Hi and the accompanying fake phony smile are supposed to be feminine, but I assure you, it is not. Fingernails on a chalkboard? Yes. […]

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  20. she is all gums. I hate girls that smile and you can see the whole top layer of gums she definitely needs braces

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  21. […] saw me with the bottle of wine in my hand. She visibly blushed. Where was the bravura, the big fat phony smile, the egregious display of faux excitement designed to self-install a sense of romantic yearning in […]

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  22. 2007?

    Cheezus frickin christ – the 2011 roissy is too big to comment on his own stuff now.

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  23. […] fat – entitled – unfeminine – sarcastic – fat – demanding – phony – really effin fat – misogynistic – man-hating – divorce-happy – career-focused – goddamn that is […]

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