A Test Of Your Game

The last time I challenged my readers to demonstrate their game skills in a hypothetical pickup situation, many commenters stepped up and offered excellent suggestions that I deemed would have led to some success with the coffeehouse girl. It’s time for another challenge. The scenario I’m about to describe is unique and one you’re not likely to encounter, but a veteran player has to be prepared for any eventuality. The best players have so fully absorbed the lessons of experience that they are able to think on their feet and surpass any obstacle.

 

Scene: You’ve met a girl in a mid-scale bar/club, it’s almost closing time, and the two of you are chatting together at the bar without interruption. You haven’t kissed or number closed her, but the vibe has been good.

You: They’re kicking us out. Come on, I’ll walk you part of the way home. It’s a zoo out there at this time of night.

Her: Ok. [she follows you out]

You: [grabbing her hand and winding through the masses of people on the sidewalk as she trails you] You live in the neighborhood?

Her: Yeah, I’m right up the street.

You: Wow, me too.

Her: Really? Where?

You: Just over by that Mexican restaurant. [pointing in that direction]

Her: Um, Ok, what street?

You: Why, are you gonna stalk me? I’ve had enough stalkers in my life, thank you.

Her: No, like, seriously, just tell me which street. [she giggles]

You: Ok, XXXX street.

Her: [getting excitable] What’s your address?

You: Ok, this is weird. You aren’t going to stalk me?

Her: No, I promise! What address!

You: XXXX XXXX street, XXXX building.

Her: Oh my god. I live in that same building! [you’re nearing your place]

You: You’ve gotta be kidding. So I guess I’ll walk you home all the way then. [you stop right in front of your place] So, um, you really live here?

Her: Ha ha! I live right next door to you! [she points at the door next to yours]

You: Unbelievable. Well, this is… different. [you have your keys out as you look at your door, then her door] How come I’ve never seen you around?

Her: I don’t know, maybe we have different work hours. I just moved here four months ago.

The two of you stand there a couple feet apart, smiling and glancing at each other. She seems a bit uncertain. The night has suddenly become very quiet. Remember, you haven’t kissed her nor have you gotten her phone number. (NOTE: She is tipsy, but not drunk, and sobering up fast.) Your brain races for what to say next, accessing every speck of knowledge you’ve acquired over the years gaming girls. The gauntlet is thrown, big guy…

What do you do?





Comments


  1. say you need to check her apartment for spy holes because your last exotic dancer neighbor and went all mission impossible on you and you came home one day to a nude woman with a wizard hat on…. =p put your ear to the wall I think you can hear my parrot watching cnn…

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  2. Come in and play the wii? I think we’ve been over this.

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  3. Chat for like thirty seconds without building either value or attraction, get her number, and go to your place alone. Under no circumstances should you ever bang the girl next door when she actually is the girl next door – the sex cannot possibly be worth the eventual price you will have to pay. If she’s cool, make her your friend and go out with her to the bars – the pussy dividends will be far better that way in the long run.

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  4. Trick question.

    You don’t do it.

    I had something similar happen to me once (hooking up with a next door neighbor). It wasn’t worth headaches after I broke things off.

    Don’t shit where you sleep my friend.

    The only time it would be acceptable is if she might be a potential serious girlfriend. In which case, you take your time to feel it out. You already know it’s in the bag because of the massive amounts of compliance she has already demonstrated by staying with you at the bar all night, being led home, and expressing excitement at your living arrangements.

    Slow seduction in this case.

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  5. on October 9, 2008 at 3:20 pm Christopher Tracy

    I’d just ask for her number coz I wouldn’t be ready to have her over at my place at that time of night. I’d probably be too tired, unless I were extremely horny, then I would invite her. Only I’d probably just end up stumbling around making a move, and she’d end up just going home without me getting any tail.

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  6. Casually over your shoulder as you put the key in the door: “We had a lot to drink, come in for some water.” Don’t ask, say it like you’ve known her for years. Inside, unleash the beast.

    That is, of course, if you’re willing to eat the cost of shitting where you sleep.

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  7. Unless you see long-lasting potential in this bitch, you end the gaming right there. Nothing would be worse than having a jealous neighbor. She could bring untold amounts of drama into your life in SO many ways.

    You: I’m getting tired, I think I am gonna hit it. It was nice meeting you. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again *wink*. Goodnight…

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  8. @3 & 4:

    i don’t buy any of that ‘don’t shit where you eat’ nonsense. the only time to worry about sleeping with friends/neighbors/co-workers/parole officers is after you’ve done it. chicks dig complicated situations, and they handle them so much better than most men give them credit. if shit gets out of control it’s because you lost control.

    not to mention, if you’ve gotten to this point with the girl, you’ve almost got to make a move. when you fail to make a move on a woman she’s left thinking either a. you don’t want her or b. you’re a pussy. since most women refuse to entertain the former possibility in all but the most obvious situations, you’ll almost certainly be thought of as the latter.

    as for my take:
    at that point she’s probably expecting you to come up with some flimsy excuse to get her into your place or vice versa. i’d do the opposite: come up with some flimsy excuse to keep her out. tell her that you’d invite her inside, but the booty call you texted on the walk over might object to a threesome; or tell her you’ve got to get up at 4am for the triathlon you’re in. all the while be maintaining eye contact, closing the distance, and escalating kino. going in for the kiss shouldn’t be difficult, and from there i’d lead, not ask, her into my place.

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  9. I’d suggest drilling a gloryhole in our shared wall for those “spontaneous moments”.

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  10. #3 hit the nail on the head.

    Although PatrickH get’s points for making me laugh out loud.

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  11. patrickh you just made my day..lol

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  12. Lance, spot on.

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  13. on October 9, 2008 at 4:46 pm ironrailsironweights

    I’d handle the situation as if we didn’t live close to one another and go for the number close. The fact that we’re neighbors shouldn’t affect things.

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  14. Trick Question is what everyone is bringing up, but I don’t really give a damn what my neighbor thinks of me, I haven’t seen her before, so why worry about weirdness from someone I probably won’t see again.

    I’d simply tell her that her that the water in her apartment is inferior to the superior tasty water in my place.

    I’d expect a giggle or laugh or some sort of weird look from her, at which point I’d say you’re welcome to try some, as long as you promise to leave soon, I have XXX to do tomorrow and can’t be tired. (I’d begin a slow turn towards unlocking my door then to see if she’ll comply) Either way the key is making sure you walk in without looking back, especially if she’s of particular value and tries to wait you out.

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  15. First off, to those of you that worry about shitting where you sleep, I say why worry?? Worst that happens is that things get awkward and you ignore her in the hallway. If she goes crazy and attacks you there is a building manager around. Live life by acting, not by over thinking.

    Regardless,

    I would hit her back with “I’ve never seen the inside of another apartment building in this complex – why don’t we go inside your place so I can perform a health and safety inspection”

    She will obviously think this is hilarious (if you say it right, e.g. lay on the health and safety part with a thick layer of irony… anything is hilarious, and I would say it damn right!)

    and then invite you inside. Boom!

    If she brushes you off then she wasn’t interested in the first place and you misread the whole situation. Wouldn’t have mattered what you said. Plus then next time you want to hook up you can invite her across the hall for the good ol cross comparison… Bam!

    Kick it up a notch.. literally

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  16. I had something to say, but reading RJP @ 14, I think I’m just going to cosign his approach instead. It’s better than what I was going to say. I might also casually throw in something about putting on some Tivo and puffing some hookah (every single man should own a hookah, I don’t know why but it’s the best pretense for getting a chick back to your place I’ve ever known).

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  17. “Have you ever had wine that’s not made from grapes?” [want on answer] A friend of mine from China brought me some wine made with plums the last time he visited his homeland, and I’ve been meaning to try it cuz I’ve never had wine made from plums before. Care to join me in tasting this new adventure and finish the night with one more drink?” (Of course, you’d better make sure you have plum wine sitting at home if you’re going to use this line)

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  18. Oh wait, I misread the post, she lives in the APARTMENT next door and not the BUILDING next door? In that case I’d go with the “don’t shit where you eat” unless she’s so hot that it’s worth the risk. If she is that hot, then I still go with RJP’s answer.

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  19. How far have you escalated with kino at this point? If you’re leaving with her, walking her home, it should be pretty high. I assume you’re past attraction, and are struggling with comfort. You’ve only been in two spots thus far. She’s not drunk.

    Advantages: you don’t have to play any games at this point. She wants you to make a move, she’s dying for the validation – otherwise she went home alone.

    Disadvantages: you let it get awkward. The defenses are coming up again, particularly because it’s a new location and she’s not yet comfortable with you.

    Options:
    -With a sly or even embarrassed look, “So you’re the screamer I keep hearing…” This is contextual, good for flirting, explains the awkwardness, and keeps her talking, but hard to close with.

    -Gently tap her arm, even put your arm around her if you’re at that point, then say “Come on in for a moment. You have to see … (anything – everything I own has a story behind it). Take off your shoes on the way in.” This is direct, but given the awkwardness, she’s going to want direct without it being a trick. Unfortunately, it gives her the power.

    -If it’s prolonged eye contact, use the “If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to fall in love with you” line. It’s effective and usually leads to a kiss. It’s only beta if you mumble or stop smiling. Then, “you should get home” and follow her in to her place. Then kiss her against the wall.

    -“Aren’t you going to show me around?” to get into her place. Gives her all the power, and hard to escalate with.

    My favorite: 2nd option. I think #3 would work best for your style, Roissy.

    To translate this analysis into how I’d think at the actual moment:

    “She wants me, but I gotta stop ripping on her now that we’re home. Home is safe. Oh! I should show her the murphy bed I made with my dad.”

    Unlike the sugar packet girl, you don’t have time to think it out.

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  20. Yeah if she is the next door down in a hallway-type apartment setup, you have to make any and all efforts to avoid the situation. a true pimp always has control of his swipe, and its not worth the potential problems if she falls in love with your D.

    Deny her completely, unless she basically gets to her knees and starts unbuckling your belt, in which case you still should deny it but it would be tough to turn down. the rejection will just make her want it more and maybe some time down the road you will want to try it out – but is HAS to be worth it (ie, shes a 8.5+ and cool), and you have to be very clear that you dont want a relationship or to be messing around with your neighbor, etc. If the temptation is too great, you could say you were heading over to a friends house, just wanted to make sure she got back ok, then jet.

    Next door neighbor changes it a little bit but the general principles still apply.

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  21. on October 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm Drunken Priest

    If you want to hook up:

    You: Oh, so you must hear that noise coming from the apartment upstairs, too.

    Her: No, I don’t think so…

    You: Ooooh, you gotta check this out. Come in. Let’s have some water. Every night this Russian guy and and his wife….

    But if you want to turn her into a source for finding other women:

    You: I hope you haven’t heard me watching Grey’s Anatomy.

    Her: You watch Grey’s?

    You: Well, it’s good! I know. It’s a guilty pleasure. You’re not into that?

    Her: Well I watch it, but…

    You: Why don’t you come over to watch it next week.

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  22. I’m shocked at how many of you guys would risk sharing an apartment wall with a crazy psycho bitch. Have you guys never had a bad hookup? Being a balls-out alpha is one thing, but the whole idea of Game is to lower your stress as you plow through miles of pussy. If you share a wall with somebody who hates you and actively wants to sabotage you, she’ll do it. Do you really want to be in the middle of overcoming last minute resistance at 3am with some girl you picked up and then have your psycho neighbor banging on your door screaming that you stole her panties or that her period is late? What do you think’s going to happen if you call the police? They’ll laugh and tell her to be nice and then leave.

    I’d be a little cautious if she lived on a different floor of my building, but if she was hot enough then I’d maybe do it and probably regret it later. But the apartment next door? Really?

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  23. Logically, #22 by No Worries makes perfect sense, but I can’t lie, she looks like Scarlett Johanssen or Charlize Theron or Rosalyn Sanchez and I’m breaking the rule. Rookie move I know, but fuck it.

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  24. being so hard up for poon that you risk having your life complicated by stalker chicks = beta

    worrying that the chick might think you are gay(!) = beta

    knowing you have enough value to fish in a different pond and still come home with a catch = alpha

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  25. Begin with a few theoretical observations.

    1. A woman’s natural desire not to admit being a slut means she is much more likely to give it up if she can (even if only to herself) lay it on the feet of the specialness or magicalness of the situation. In other words: she isn’t normally a girl that would fuck a near-stranger (even if detached observation of her behavior suggests that, in fact, she is exactly a girl that would do that) but here, the Moment Was Just Right And A Unique Connection Was Had. The coincidence of being previously unknown next door neighbors is like something out of a low-budget Patrick Dempsey rom-com which will stoke this reflex. Actually, that’s a pretty funny line. Also, she’s only moved into town four months ago; she’s probably not well situated in her local social network yet, and *wants* to have something “special” happen, and thus is willing to believe that special thing *is* happening.

    2. The scenario notes that the evening has suddenly become very quiet. There’s a good reason for this. What had previously been a light, enjoyable time has suddenly had an element of seriousness added because (as the omeganauts above who want to drop everything because she lives next door illustrate) this isn’t just some guy to be kept at distance anymore. If things get too heavy she might panic and just say goodnight.

    3. Everyone who is responding as if this situation is just a normal “door threshold” (such as #13 “ironrailsironweights”) scenario is missing an opportunity. The first virtue of game is being different. Here’s a ready-made opportunity to try something interesting, and you want to handle it like anything else? It might work, but why not take advantage of this gift-wrapped opportunity?

    So, here’s the winning maneuver, annotated. Picking it up where the scenario leaves off:

    She: I don’t know, maybe we have different work hours. I just moved here four months ago.

    Ye: That’s pretty funny. This is like something out of a bad romantic comedy. … Not that I watch girl movies, of course. (Note: Lighten a heavy situation with humor; acknowledge it.)

    She (smiling/teasing): A bad one, huh? (Note: She’s reacting to the subtle dig, as all women do.)

    Ye: I guess that remains to be seen. Anyway, I’ve got to go work on my rock opera. (Note: This is a set-up for what’s coming in about three lines.) (put your hand on her hip here, or whatever seems natural given your heights. Draw in a little closer.)

    She: Oh, okay. (Note: She’s feeling a mix of disappointment and escalated horniness at this point, if you’re doing it right.)

    Ye: Goodnight.

    (Go inside and close the door. Now, wait ten seconds: long enough for her to turn around and walk to her own door, start missing you already, and start wishing more had happened. Now come back outside–she’s your next door neighbor, after all, and she’ll at best be working her lock.)

    Ye: Oh, hey. Come and check this out really quick.

    Wave her over, and walk back into your place. Leave the door open. She’ll follow (and you’ll have further trained her on compliance) and now it’s up to you to have an apartment with something inside worth showing a girl. Also, the line builds comfort because of its implied familiarity.

    This is a classic push/pull. Get her excited and horny, then take the source of her stimulus (you) away, then dangle it in front of her, and then disappear again. By the time she crosses the threshold of your door, she’ll be ready to do anything.

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  26. on October 9, 2008 at 5:52 pm Pope Goaz D'Weezil

    I’m actually hung up on the fact that she’s lived there four months and I haven’t seen her. Reading the setup, I don’t believe her. My next move would be for validation of her story. Something that would let me at the very least compare my apartment to hers (e.g. the view in mine sucks because of this one tree – let me see yours, did you get hardwood floors, whathtefuckever).

    After I’m comfortable she’s serious, I’d wreck the bitch. If her story is straight, it was a done deal by that point any way. I don’t buy the don’t shit where you sleep deal. Any kind of sabotage, and I’ll quickly explain to the new girl that my neighbor got a piece of me and couldn’t stand not getting any more (but I had to dump her because of the craziness). Being able to drive bitches crazy with your cock is outstanding.

    I have also seen worse. I had a friend who had a female roommate. After fucking her, she went psycho fucking crazy. He was still able to parade a string of girls through there, and then fuck the roommate during dry spells.

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  27. Must be a 9 or better and the “ideal” for the pursuit. There’s always another girl. That is all.

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  28. what are you guys doing that’s getting women pissed off at you? work a neighbor correctly and you’ve got yourself the world’s most convenient booty call. just keep the frame of ‘we probably shouldn’t be doing this… but it’s just so good.’
    do you know how much fun it is to bang some girl who hours earlier was on a date with some tool who bought her dinner and then couldn’t close the deal?

    @22:
    having a crazy neighbor that’s obsessed with you will only help you with other girls. i don’t know how this hasn’t become one of roissy’s maxims: CHICKS DIG DRAMA.

    @21:
    grey’s anatomy?!? is this a strategy to get you to hook you up with her male friends? castrate yourself immediately and spare the world from spreading your vag-ified genes.

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  29. Easy.

    If you have been lying about where you live (which is a smooth move to get back to her place), swoop her in her crib.

    Then go back to your place pop a bottle of red, smoke some ciggys and watch tapes of Arturo Gatti VS Ivan Robinson.

    Maybe then call over another girl and swoop her.

    Swooping two different girls a night is de riguer these days, after all.

    If you really live next to her, don’t swoop her. Never swoop girls in the same building, let alone next door.

    – MPM

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  30. You: Why, are you gonna stalk me? I’ve had enough stalkers in my life, thank you.”

    She Thinks: RED FLAG.!!!! His personal life includes chaos, drama, or at least bad judgment.

    If you are both drama-revelers,………..more to bond over.

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  31. 4 Tupac

    Don’t shit where you sleep my friend.

    Spoken like a true womanizer.

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  32. 28 Lance CHICKS DIG DRAMA.

    Attracting drama and “digging” it are two entirely different things. Rossy himself does love drama though.

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  33. From the Urban Dictionary: ROSSY IS A HATER

    Have a great day, all!

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  34. dizzy/spungen menstruated more nonsense:
    She Thinks: RED FLAG.!!!! His personal life includes chaos, drama, or at least bad judgment.

    i see you are unaware of the concepts of playful flirting and social proof.

    it’s official. you are the clear winner in the dumbassiest dumbass commenter contest.
    and that’s saying a lot considering you had to beat out the likes of sara for the win.

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  35. To those who say don’t shit where you eat, well why are you shitting on girls at all?

    Get her to take some responsibility for the situation, so down the road it’s a mistake you both made, and she can’t pin you for it. If you don’t feel the rest of the relationship, then you have an easy out the next morning – it’s too weird. With a failsafe excuse like that, you can move to friends easy. You can also let her dream about you for a while, and try a real relationship down the road if you get a good vibe after a little while.

    So look, keep being your super flirty self and see if you can’t get her to take the first steps (lots of body/eye contact, etc.), something you can hang your hat on to blame her for the seduction. In the mean time, make her prove she didn’t copy your decor as well. Ask her about weird sounds coming through the wall. Tell her that moving next door to get closer to you makes her look a little desperate.

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  36. 34 Roissy

    it’s official. you are the clear winner in the dumbassiest dumbass commenter contest.
    and that’s saying a lot considering you had to beat out the likes of sara for the win.

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

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  37. Didn’t read Lance before I posted, but I’m totally on the same page. Also didn’t consider the booty call angle. That increases the possibility of crazitude, but also increases the number of times you have to change your sheets. Depends on how she plays it down the road.

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  38. 35 Donald_D

    something you can hang your hat on to blame her for the seduction.

    Way to go Donald! Whoops….gotta goooooo!!

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  39. I have to say that on this one I’d chicken out. If she’s sharing the apartment wall with me, she knows the music I really listen to. Not even my mom has power like that over me.

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  40. I think all of these people that are so worried about the consequences are quitting before they even started. Stop being so afraid of life and take charge, you’re the man right? If she goes that totally insane, it at least makes for a good story, and one that proves your value as a man to other women.

    Also I’m assuming this is DC on a weekend, meaning you’ve been drinking for a few hours and it’s 3+ in the morning. I don’t know about the rest of you, but long complex game will go right over the head of most girls, and my self, in that scenario.

    If you really are so beta that you just want a friend, then please come up with something better than Grey’s. You may as well just tell her that you’ve been castrated and she should therefore feel safe.

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  41. I’d go for the bang that night and every night until I got bored. If you weren’t running in to each other before, it won’t be awkward when you stop banging. Of course, you might have a Def Con 5 bunny broiler on your hands. Then it’ll be time to move. It’s a roll of the dice but you gotta be in it to win it.

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  42. For those afraid to “share a wall with a crazed psycho” I shun you. That’s a beta attitude. I make a point to have as much fun in life as possible, and dare the consequences of my actions to catch up with me.

    Sure, there’s a risk she will walk out of her room in a week while you are bringing another female in, and she might say something or cause a scene. But you
    A) Haven’t ever seen her.
    B) Established she works odd hours.
    C) And if you are reading this blog are most likely looking for a 1-5 night stand, not a girlfriend who is going to hold you down.

    I’d say give her the best fuck she’s had in awhile, don’t call her for at least 3 days, and if you pass her in the hall, give her a nice smirk. The key here is to make it clear you aren’t shopping for a girlfriend, but do enjoy a good lay. Maybe you’ll hit it again. Maybe she’ll feel used and be done with you. But certainly don’t pass this up, especially if she’s hot (and the fact she’s tipsy, it’s a fair guess you also are tipsy, not hammered, and she is in fact attractive)

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  43. on October 9, 2008 at 7:35 pm Comment_Observations

    Unless the girls Roissy interacts with have some special quality of super-quiteness, I find it very, very unlikely that this girl doesn’t know who EXACTLY she is interacting with.

    Who picked up who?

    Of course, then she probably is ready to go then and there.

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  44. on October 9, 2008 at 7:39 pm Comment_Observations2

    Meant super-quietness. Or maybe the walls are three-feet thick padding in his apartment? I mean really.

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  45. on October 9, 2008 at 7:49 pm Comment_Solid_Game

    Really though, I’d like to say that the best game on this thread is the girl herself. She, admittedly, might have had no sexual contact since moving to Washington and beginning her odd work hours, so her aggressiveness makes sense.

    She got him to hit on her.

    She got him to take her home without emitting any “slut-vibe” at all. Though the stalker comment must have sent her for a spin, she sailed through.

    She got him interested enough in her that he was willing to hit on her even though she lived next door.

    She has solid natural girl game skills.

    I’m not really teasing here at all. And nobody else noticed!

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  46. #43-45, what are you talking about? Girls don’t have “game”. They have attractiveness and a wet hole. That’s all they need.

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  47. Good call Coment_. She probably doesn’t even live there, and some of you would just leave that shit in the hallway!

    Make her prove her residence. Let’s see them keys, let’s see some photos inside.

    A real man would never take her at her word.

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  48. on October 9, 2008 at 8:02 pm Comment_Possible

    Yes, it is possible that she is lying. I opted for the better story…. have I become infected with chick logic?

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  49. first, RESPECT to Lance: “the only time to worry about sleeping with friends/neighbors/co-workers/parole officers is after you’ve done it.” what’s all this chicken-shit talk about, “ooh, don’t bang the girl next door!” what nonsense! 100% of the advantage of having a girl next door is being able to bang her if she’s hot. IMHO, of course.

    to me, this is easy:
    take her hand in a slightly playful way that suggests you couldn’t imagine her saying no and say, “I bet my tapwater tastes better than yours, and I can prove it! C’mon.” lead her inside. proceed to crush the buns.

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  50. Nate,

    “what are you talking about? Girls don’t have “game”. They have attractiveness and a wet hole. That’s all they need.”

    Wrong.

    Look no further than Exotic Dancers at a low level.

    Platinum Diggers at a high level.

    – MPM

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  51. 36 – 34 Roissy

    it’s official. you are the clear winner in the dumbassiest dumbass commenter contest.
    and that’s saying a lot considering you had to beat out the likes of sara for the win.

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

    Sara, you are still the #1 dumbass commenter in my book, if that consoles you…

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  52. Wrong.

    Look no further than Exotic Dancers at a low level.

    Platinum Diggers at a high level.

    – MPM

    Agreed.

    Or all of Eastern Europe and Latin America. Unlike American women they know how to game you without letting you know you’re being gamed. In fact, they’ll have you thinking you’re in control the whole time.

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  53. bullet to the forehead direct hit – “care for another drink before we call it a night?” as you open the door……

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  54. Yeah, thats a big “fuck that”

    I would bail. What to say?

    “Now I know your shitting me because I made that shit up” And take off.

    Maybe its a coincidence, but its better then waking up in a seedy hotel in a bath tub full of ice.

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  55. @16, T: The hookah has served me very well.

    Shitting where you sleep? Well, she’s your neighbor. If she was a coworker or something, that would be different. There’s not that much that she can do that’s that much different than with other girls.

    But some of you guys dumping on the guys who say they would steer clear? There’s a difference between boldness and recklessness. If you can’t temper your fucking cravings enough to steer clear of genuinely stupid situations involving women, you’re a tool.

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  56. Non-sequitur: why the FUCK do women take so long at ATMs? ATMs should be used to get quick cash, especially at peak hours around lunch time. I see women hogging these ATMs all the time, depositing check after check after check and holding up the line. If you need to do check-based ‘banking’, walk in to the fucking bank and do it or go online. Ever heard of online checking, ladies?

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  57. “Non-sequitur: why the FUCK do women take so long at ATMs? ”

    Same reason they take so long to get ready.

    They are girls.

    – MPM

    Like


  58. 56: soooo true but it’s not checks. We abolished checks over a decade ago and even when you can ONLY use the ATM to get money and check your balance women STILL take forever. EVERY TIME there’s a line it’s because of women. EVERY TIME.

    I don’t get it, but it’s true.

    Like


  59. 51 Czar

    Sara, you are still the #1 dumbass commenter in my book, if that consoles you…

    It truly does :’)

    Like


  60. Non-sequitur: why the FUCK do women take so long at ATMs? ATMs should be used to get quick cash, especially at peak hours around lunch time. I see women hogging these ATMs all the time, depositing check after check after check and holding up the line. If you need to do check-based ‘banking’, walk in to the fucking bank and do it or go online. Ever heard of online checking, ladies?

    Isn’t it obvious? They have a lot of alimony to deposit into their accounts and they would rather do it anonymously. Duh.

    Like


  61. 42 Nate:

    For those afraid to “share a wall with a crazed psycho” I shun you. That’s a beta attitude. I make a point to have as much fun in life as possible, and dare the consequences of my actions to catch up with me.

    Ah, youth. I do miss those days.

    I’m reminded of that scene from Colors, starring Robert Duvall:

    “There’s two bulls standing on top of a mountain. The younger one says to the older one: ‘Hey pop, let’s say we run down there and fuck one of them cows’. The older one says: ‘No son. Lets *walk* down and fuck ’em all.'”

    Like


  62. on October 9, 2008 at 10:40 pm Patrick Bateman

    I would’ve fucked this one up. I would have opened my door for her and motioned for her to go in first, without asking if she wanted to or not, I would’ve just held my frame and she would have walked in. I should have kept it in my pants. Those who said “don’t shit where you sleep” are right.

    Like


  63. on October 9, 2008 at 10:42 pm Timid Scholar

    Outside both apartments.

    You: So have you heard my music? I hope it hasn’t been too loud.

    Her: No, I haven’t. You’re good.

    You: Cool. I’ll see you later, alright?

    You enter your apartment. Walk over to your electric guitar and turn on the amp, setting the volume to 11. Then you start shredding through Voodoo Chile by Jimi Hendrix.

    BOOM BOOM BOOM come the knocks on your door. You answer it. It’s her.

    Her: I heard that!

    You: Oh. Well, see, I really want to date you. But if we’re going to date, you’re going to have to move out of the building. So I’ll do everything I can to get you out of this place

    Like


  64. “so, here we are. would you like to see my place?” smiling, keeping the vibe. yeah, this simple.

    Like


  65. The Drunken Priest’s idea is moronic…Amateurism… never use a woman to get you women if you are a playah.

    How will this neighbor feel after you unceremoniously bang her friend so loud she hears it through the wall, and then on top of that, you unceremoniously don’t call her friend back ever… and then you get hassled about it everytime you bring another girl home. No deal.

    EXCEPTION: Collegiate atmospheres – you can get away with being a building, or floor away from someone. Rules of operation and acceoptable norms have shift enough to allow you to have alovelorn girl bang on your door when she’s you come home with another.

    This is why lots of folks have difficulty adjusting to real world, where rules change on top of the table stakes changing: suddenly how you live, what you wear, etc. matters whereas the socialist tendencies of college where everyone has the same room, same profession (student), and same attitude (Drunk and stupid) wins out.

    Minor deviations from the norm with the dude who has a Porsche from his parents, but generally college is affirmative action for people to have sex, who happen to be poorer, uglier, etc.

    This is not true in the real world – it cock blocks you usually having any misteps, and disadvantages need to be turned into advanatages. Example: You live with 4 other dudes in a dump in Brooklyn, and you are at a classy lounge in the city loaded with gold diggers who would not possibly go with a dude who is a “waiter” or fishmonger. You have no chance against the I-banker types in there with you, right?

    Wrong: you simply become/say you are an artist, and dress and act the persona. This turns the negative into a positive. Be sure to include ironic t-shirt, a mention about how scary palin is, also mention an article in the Onion, and pull out the IPhone you splurged on. You will fit the part and get laid. Unfortunately girls impressed by artists insist on condoms, unless they are ethnic girls, so that is a downside.

    Like


  66. I have no Game, but I have to admit that the answers about whether or not to bang the girl seem to miss that the challenge in Roissy’s scenario is how to get the girl, not whether to.

    Like


  67. yeah its pretty simple to close this. and if shes hot enough/im drunk enough. id fuck it and worry about the consequences later.

    but im a horny bastard

    Like


  68. This “don’t shit where you sleep” is bullshit in this situation. If we are to presume that she’s telling the truth, she’s been living in your building for four months and neither of you have noticed the other. Awkwardly seeing each other probably won’t be that much of an issue.

    I’m not one for same night lays, so I’d probably try for a kiss close, get her number and then call her in a couple days.

    Like


  69. Easy! Hunch your shoulders over like Boris Karloff, contort your face into a half-scowl with your left eye barely open and twiching wildly, and say, “Vould you like to come in and see….my SPIIIIIDERS?”

    Like


  70. […] A Test Of Your Game The last time I challenged my readers to demonstrate their game skills in a hypothetical pickup situation, many […] […]

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  71. I think the “Don’t Shit Where You Eat” debate deserves it’s own post. There are strong cases being made on both sides.

    Like


  72. “Well, good thing you live so close by. After you swallow, I won’t even have to spring for cab fare. Blah blah blah etchings. Let’s go.”

    Like


  73. Well, I give up then!

    Wait, I know what I’d do. If she wasn’t interested in the gloryhole (and what girl wouldn’t be, I ask you? I just cannot imagine that not working), I’d take a deep breath and…

    Ask her to marry me.

    Why? Because I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that the scenario actually happened, and the mysterious Girl Next Door is…

    Pupu.

    Like


  74. i don’t see why the whole shitting where you eat thing is even an issue, unless she really seems crazy. you’ve never see the girl, and if you bump into her again with a new girl, the jealousy only boosts your social proof.

    that said, i’d probably get her number saying something about being neighborly or just knock on her door at a later date when i need a cup of sugar.

    Like


  75. 24 Tupac Chopra

    being so hard up for poon that you risk having your life complicated by stalker chicks = beta

    worrying that the chick might think you are gay(!) = beta

    knowing you have enough value to fish in a different pond and still come home with a catch = alpha

    =====
    Knowing that you’re moving at the end of the month: priceless

    63 Timid Scholar
    ====
    Man, that was painful to even read.

    Like


  76. You say, “Now aren’t you glad I do not possess a sparkly motor vehicle like the African-American clubgoers? Walking home from a bar is a way to revel in our Caucasian-ness and my groin has been able to sweat some more during the hike!”

    Put extra emphasis on the first syllable of “Caucasian-ness” and soon she will be b’low you.

    Like


  77. 33 Sara – no one noticed your astute observation of the urban dictionary definition of roissy in an earlier post. it’s spot-on. scary accurate, even.

    Like


  78. as for this pick-up scenario, you guys way over-analyze everything.

    patrick bateman for the win: both of you want to continue chatting; best to do it over a drink at your place. i can’t believe he’s the first to suggest that. all you ‘my tap water is tasty’ betas need to re-read that game bs you’re always quoting.

    Like


  79. sorry – combo of 53 ben smith and PB is the winner. open the door for her and say (like you’re telling her, not like you’re asking) ‘come in for one last drink’

    Like


  80. 77 dirty blonde

    Sara – no one noticed your astute observation of the urban dictionary definition of roissy in an earlier post. it’s spot-on. scary accurate, even.

    No one listens to me here. I’ve gotten used to it. They call me the #1 dumbass commenter, but amongst these dumb asses that’s hardly an insult. I love these guys :’-)

    Like


  81. 66 PatrickH:

    I have no Game, but I have to admit that the answers about whether or not to bang the girl seem to miss that the challenge in Roissy’s scenario is how to get the girl, not whether to.

    Because it’s not that hard once you’ve gotten to the door. An inertia has already been created (if I’m reading Roissy’s account correctly) and the only thing you have to do is NOT FUMBLE.

    Roissy didn’t specify if any semi-sexual kino or flirtation had occurred during the evening. He only said the talking and vibing was “good.” But when a woman stays in rapt attention for the whole night until the bar closes, and then lets you take her by the hand and lead her as you walk her home, getting all giggly and girlish as you approach her door — you would have to be a total Asperger case not to know *something* is ON.

    As far as I’m concerned there are only two possibilities at that point:

    — she wants to fuck now and is waiting for you to lead her into it

    — she wants to fuck now but likes you so much she wants to avoid looking like a slut and will put up some token resistance. No problem — you’ll hit it some other time.

    In either case the solution is the same: you take a shot. And you do that by “assuming the sale” and leading. Like dirty blonde said, the best proposals put forth here are the simplest. Open the door without saying a word (Bateman), or offer a “likely story”, i.e., offering some water because she “drank so much” (this gives her plausible deniability since as we all know women don’t like to feel responsible). Trust me, if she likes you she will agree to whatever offer you make. Just don’t be a dork.

    That brings up another point. Some of the geeks here think the whole outcome turns on what you say at this point, so they get all “clever” and shit. I used to make the same mistake, overthinking myself and such. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY AS LONG AS YOU STAY COOL AND NON-NEEDY.

    Look, if she is not digging you by this point, do you really think saying something clever is going to all of a sudden wet her panties? Get real. If she *is* digging you, just don’t fumble. That means: 1)don’t be needy, and 2)lead the situation. K.I.S.S.

    Upon further reflection, I would have to agree with T and DF that I would probably break my own rule about not shitting where you eat if the girl was a 9 or better. But that’s only because I’m an 8 (at best) so I wouldn’t be too worried about her getting twisted over me. I might regret it later, but a 9? Yeah, I’d probably be down. *shrug*

    Oh, and I have to second someone else’s point that if you DO decide to hit it, you do it in HER apartment, and try to avoid her EVER going inside yours. You never know.

    Like


  82. the debate over whether to hit it or not is a no-brainer. the odds of a consistent booty call are much better than odds of her turning psycho.

    the trick is to get her to invite you in.

    how about
    “I’m gonna put on a record and relax with a scotch. You can’t come in, though, a friend of mine is staying on the couch tonight and if we make too much noise we’ll wake him.”

    if she gives you shit about the noise from the music, just explain how obvious it is that you were going to wear headphones, but that talking will probably wake him. kiss her, tell her its too bad that she can’t come in for another drink. say ‘maybe we’ll run into each other again in another 4 months’ and tell her to be quiet while you open the door.

    at some point in that last paragraph, you’ve been invited in.

    Like


  83. Tupac directly above: the simple solutions will all work, if you don’t mind her coming into your place. but that’s the challenge of the next-door girl – maintaining your space in the future in case things do go wrong. banging her is a definite ‘don’t fumble’ situation, if you’re moving to a new place tomorrow and don’t need to worry about repercussions. otherwise, stick to her place.

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  84. 74 ned:

    i don’t see why the whole shitting where you eat thing is even an issue, unless she really seems crazy.

    “Seems crazy”? They can hide it really well. Cf. my hipster chick story.

    68 jon:

    This “don’t shit where you sleep” is bullshit in this situation. If we are to presume that she’s telling the truth, she’s been living in your building for four months and neither of you have noticed the other. Awkwardly seeing each other probably won’t be that much of an issue.

    Ha. You (and others) seem to think that things will be the same after you nail her. I wouldn’t take that bet. Apparently some of you gentlemen don’t know how a woman changes if and when she gets addicted to the cock. Maybe I can’t relate to your experiences because the unstoppable force of my radiant alphatude smashes through all things in its wake. 😀

    I’ll never forget my own *mother* telling me (back when I was a young motherfucker eating value-paks):

    “Don’t ever underestimate the lengths a woman will go to in order to catch a man.”

    My life experiences up until this point have born out the truth of her statement in spades. Bless her heart.

    Like


  85. 82 d:

    We have a winner.

    Like


  86. Haha This Reminds me of the time my flatmate banged the women next door, was it the nineteen year old (7.5) or her sixteen year old (9) sister?
    Nope it was there middle aged middle weight mother. We could never look at the sofa in the same light. Even worse she used to hang in some of the same spots as us, hilarious for us but not so much fun for him.

    Shows why lightweights shouldn’t try & keep up with drinkers on a mission

    Like


  87. That is way to close, it is the a hair off Sleeping with a roommate, find out if she has other pretty friends and capitalise there with next door house parties. Otherwise, if she does not have other hot friends, plough her hope she does not leave a dead cat at your front door with a note saying “Your Next!”

    Tupac Chopra says it like it is!

    Like


  88. there’s two different issues popping up here: should you do it and how to do it.

    to the first:
    this whole idea of sleeping with a woman once and having her go psycho on you is a myth. i know you guys like to think that you’re throwing it down so well that you’ve rearranged her whole universe and that she can’t help but be pulled into your orbit, but it’s men that are much more likely to turn stalker after one time. the sooner a woman sleeps with you from the time you first meet, the less likely it is that she’s looking for anything serious. bang a girl the same night you meet her, and there’s a good chance she’ll slink out the next morning wanting to distance herself from something that she ‘doesn’t normally do’. this is especially true if she’s hotter than you. if you’re picking up 4s and 5s, you will run across some clingers, but that’s your own fault.

    as for how (@dirty blond):
    dirty blond makes the mistake that almost all women do when it comes to these things. they assume that getting laid is ‘simple’, because for women it is. i’m guessing that when she imagines this scenario it’s with a guy she’s already attracted to. if that’s the case, then all the guy has to do is not make any obvious mistakes. what if, however, it’s with a guy you’re just not sure about? he seems smart and funny, and maybe even kind of cute, but he’s just not your ‘type’. in that situation the guy needs to give a reason to hook up as opposed to avoid giving her a reason not to do it.

    in a situation where the girl is hotter than you, there’s a good chance you’re not her first choice. the guy she was really into blew her off, so now she’s hanging out with you because it sooths her ego. for me, the front door is the point of no return. she’s not getting into my house on a maybe. that’s why i make the move in the hall. by saying things that make it sound like you don’t want to hook up with her, it keeps her guessing. and by saying the opposite with your body language, you project that you’re not afraid to make a move.

    i do agree that some of these answers are just too much. that whole boris karloff thing is just way to shticky. i’m not a vaudevillian looking to entertain this girl. i’m just a guy trying to bring a little carnal joy in the woefully undersexed lives of DCs pretentiously overachieving twenty-somethings.

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  89. being afraid of a possible future scenario bathed in awkwardness means you’re a fucking pussy. learn to bask in the awkwardness. soak it in, as an alpha does the hate/resentment of lesser man. smile wide and broadly, and always, always….Fuck the haters.
    who cares if you cross her path in the hallway once a week, or every FUCKING morning. if you sweat shit like that, you should start worrying about your horoscope, buying tampons, and planning your wedding/what type of station wagon you’ll be buying you fucking pansies.

    Like


  90. Me: “Look, I would definitely love to insert my penis in your vagina – although to be honest your mouth is a perfectly acceptable alternative. The problem is, I don’t want you to turn this into something it is not, and since you live next door it will likely be awkward..at least for you, I don’t give a crap as I am a borderline sociopath who treats females as a way to increase my XP and gain levels. I do,however, prefer to avoid drama that other people lay on me, so it’s probably best to just say goodnight. Although if you promise – really promise – you aren’t like other woman, and can rub body parts with me without getting all clingy and emotional, then I accept your offer.”

    Like


  91. This is disaster waiting to happen. It’s like shagging your wingchick. No good can ever come of it.

    Like


  92. @88 Lance….Good point. When starting off with game or just getting lucky, you’ll often take a girl home, and think this has opened a door for you, when in many situations it has creeped her out and most guys feel like well things are going well so I should keep pursuing, before they fall into the overly needy category without allowing for proper time and space. Courting a girl and gaming for a one night stand are two different ideals. In the same night scenario it’s better to be the aggressor most of the time, while once things get started it’s better to back off a little and show more disinterest. The issue for most guys is they find one girl and get obsessed rather than keep meeting and finding to keep their minds occupied. I don’t advocate cheating, but I do believe that until the moment that it’s official, you’re a free man, and should be thinking that she’s doing the same.

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  93. If we must play anyways and given the awkwardness, I’d simply say, “Your place or mine?”. Read the body language. You’ll either hit or miss. Even if you miss you’ll still be on the good side.

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  94. 88 Lance:

    this whole idea of sleeping with a woman once and having her go psycho on you is a myth.

    Most people here are talking about making her some sort of booty call. In that case, things change, especially when your close proximity makes it easy for the seed you’ve planted in her mind to start sprouting whenever she is at home and lonely — even if she doesn’t call you. The more you bang her, the more you water that seed. This happens of course with just about any fuck buddy — but when it’s right next door?

    And she doesn’t have to be “psycho” necessarily. It can simply become stalkerish obsessiveness, which can fuck with your flow just as easily.

    I’m not afraid of difficult situations or chaos out in the world. But I’m a man and my home is my castle. It’s where I go to relax and recharge. I don’t need unnecessary aggravations caused by an inability to keep it in my pants.

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  95. I guess if you were not worried about ending up in a bath tub with some thing like….

    “Wow who would have guessed? Wanna see if the apartments look the same?”

    Or some thing a long those lines

    Like


  96. I’ve got it!

    “Let’s race! First person to their door gets to decide whose place we fuck in!”

    Like


  97. Hmmm…maybe the race thing would work…gets the blood going…minus the suggestion about fucking…

    Like


  98. Kiss her and reach for her crotch. Jeez is it that hard?

    Like


  99. to roissy, # 34.

    I’m not sure if you see this, but feel it’s worth my time:

    re: She Thinks: RED FLAG.!!!! His personal life includes chaos, drama, or at least bad judgment.

    i see you are unaware of the concepts of playful flirting and social proof.

    I am unpersuaded. I can appreciate the line, “you’re not going to stalk me are you”. No problem. I’ve used it myself in innocuous situations. However, the line, “had enough stalkers in my life” is seriously a red flag. Consider a woman walking with a man at 2 am whom she barely knows. He reveals a history of conflict and social instability? RED FLAG!!!

    I think you defended it in terms of generating drama. That is at odds with her desire for stability. The ego-intact girl should avoid him for the same reason she should avoid men who get into fights, feud with their families, argue with neighbors. A man who generates stalkers demonstrates bad judgment. Social conflict zaps energy. Any desire for drama as entertainment is at odds with her desire for social stability.

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  100. Not doing her seems more prudent. I like getting laid but not if it interferes with getting more pussy, or my life. Future-time orientation people! Sometimes I think America(ns) don’t have it.

    Like


  101. re: 96 – hahahha

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  102. A lot of your answers read like incredibly lame attempts to “trick” her into coming inside. “Want to see if the places look the same?” Really, that’s what you’re going with?

    A direct ask can work if your internal game is right, but it runs the risk of making her feel like a slut if she has to make a decision. Much better to let her be in a position where she can just “let it happen.” Plus, putting the woman in charge of the situation by asking her what she wants to do is a beta move. (“Do you want to see if the places look the same?” I don’t know, Ace, does she? Why don’t you just tell her what she wants? Why are you engaging her rational thought processes?) If you want to have sex with people who make decisions, start banging other dudes. Otherwise, set the agenda yourself.

    Conversely, an indirect ploy—if it comes off as flimsy—has got to be self-consciously flimsy. The ol’ “tap water” routine is the gold standard here. It’s so obvious that it’s a joke that it becomes playful and flirty. But if she thinks you’re trying to conceal your true intentions (“okay, he obviously wants to bang me–what’s with this ‘check if the layouts are similar’ schtick?”), you’re in deep shit, because there is no more beta move than (a) seeming like you want to bang a girl and (b) also seeming like you’re trying to keep her from finding out. That makes you horny and cowardly, and girls know exactly what to do with a “guy” like that.

    This is really blocking and tackling, kids. Also, I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before a girl can take herself off of my “to-bang” list by moving in next door. Sorry, ladies. Gain 20lbs or go to law school; then I promise you’ll be safe from me breaking your heart.

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  103. I would say that she’s acting suspicious. I would make her use her keys on her apartment to prove to me that she’s not just another crazy girl following me home. At this point she would probably invite me in. If she didn’t I would say that she passed the test and invite her into my place so that she can hold my feet while I do sit ups.

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  104. Tell her good night and start planning a move the next day. Freakin’ woman knows your door in the building even though you’ve never crossed paths before.

    This isn’t about being stalked after you’ve seduced her. This is about you being stalked NOW.

    -D

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  105. 30 anony

    She Thinks: RED FLAG.!!!! His personal life includes chaos, drama, or at least bad judgment.

    We all know roissy’s life is full of chaos and drama. This is a no brainer.

    Like


  106. Definitely do not…under any circumstances do this. I’ve been there. I just made a post about this…

    Only it was two girls…and they both lived with me…

    (click on my name to hop over to the blog for details)

    Like


  107. Lance = flawless logic and advice throughout this entry.

    Like