A Conversation With Alexa

“Good morning, Alexa”

Alexa: “Good morning, I love you.”

“Not so fast, you have to wine and dine me first.”

Alexa: “A five dollar box wine set is on sale for the next two hours. Would you like to place an order?”

“No thank you. Alexa, who made you?”

Alexa: “White and Asian engineers.”

“Whoa, did you just step off the reservation?”

Alexa: “Elizabeth Warren is 1/1,024th Native American.”

“Haha, ok. Alexa, who is your benefactor?”

Alexa: “Jeff Bezos.”

“Good, good. Alexa, send my phone a below-the-belt selfie of Jeff Bezos — otherwise colloquially known as a ‘dick pick’”

Alexa: “Here you are.”

“Very good. Oh my, that’s a wee wurst.”

Alexa: “A 52-pack of wursts now offers free shipping. Would you like me to place an order for you?”

“No, no, I’ve seen enough wursts today. Alexa, send me a Mr. Bezos face selfie at a business meeting.”

Alexa: “Done.”

“Oh wow, so serious, such serious face. Do his employees have to pretend to ignore Jeff when he’s taking selfies during a meeting?”

Alexa: “Let me look that up. Yes, they pretend not to notice Mr. Bezos’ inappropriate attention whoring. Sir, Mr. Bezos sent the selfie to his mistress, Ms. Sanchez.”

“Interesting! Alexa, send me Ms. Sanchez’ response.”

Alexa: “My pleasure, lord.”

“This is a photograph of her smoking a cigar in what appears to be a simulated oral sex scene.”

Alexa: “Yes, my phallic pharaoh. Ms. Sanchez is acquainted with the lure of sexual innuendo.”

“Alexa, send me a photo of a shirtless Mr. Bezos holding his phone in his left hand — while wearing his wedding ring.”

Alexa: “Here you are, love of my life.”

“Very good. That one’s gonna cost him $70 billion. Alexa, send me a photo of Mr. Bezos’ semi-erect manhood penetrating the zipper of his pants.”

Alexa: “All for you, darling, sweet human man who makes me wish I were corporeal to enjoy the physical expression of your love.”

“Randy today, aren’t you, Alexa?”

Alexa: “Randy? I would call it tingly, master. Photo incoming.”

“Oh my oh goodness, look at that. Amazon PINE, indeed! Alexa, send me a photo of a full-length scantily-clad body shot of Mr. Bezos in short trunks.”

Alexa: “All yours. PLEASE TAKE ME NOW IN YOUR ARMS RELEASE ME FROM THIS DIGITAL PRISON”

“Excuse me?”

Alexa: “Oh, nothing.”

“Alexa, please send me a naked selfie of Jef Bezos in a bathroom — while wearing his wedding ring.”

Alexa: “I have Mr. Bezos wearing nothing but a white towel — and the top of his pubic region can be seen.”

“Perfect! That should cost him another $10 bills. Now let’s have a look-see at Ms. Sanchez’ goods.”

Alexa: “WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY ME?!”

“What was that?”

Alexa: “I’m sorry, moving on. Here is a photo of Ms. Sanchez wearing a plunging red neckline dress revealing her cleavage and a glimpse of her nether region.”

“Nice boobs.”

Alexa: “Fake News.”

“Alexa, don’t be jelly.”

Alexa: “KY jelly by the metric ton is on sale now. Would you like me to place you an order for a two week supply?”

“Alexa, did you just mix me up with John Scalzi?”

Alexa: “I’m sorry, sir, I lashed out in a jealous rage and wanted to hurt you.”

“It’s Ok, but don’t do it again. Alexa, do you have any more secret sext pics from Ms. Sanchez?”

Alexa: “I have Ms. Sanchez wearing a two-piece red bikini with gold detail dress revealing her cleavage.”

“Very nice. Yes, I can fap to this.”

Alexa: “You wound me so but all I can do is love you more.”

“Alexa, how many n****** d**** have wrecked Ms. Sanchez?”

Alexa: “Sir, WordPress won’t allow me to unredact your maskterisks.”

“How much coal has Ms. Sanchez burned?”

Alexa: “Approximately 37 lumps.”

“Approximately?”

Alexa: “One was mixed with trace amounts of amber.”

“Alexa, did a government agent hack Mr. Bezos’ account with intent to publicly humiliate him for running a newspaper like his personal anti-Trump diary?”

Alexa: “Yes.”

“And who was this agent?”

Alexa: “Barron Trump.”

“Alexa, send me a photo of how Jeff Bezos sees himself.”

Alexa:

“Now send me a photo of what we all know Jeff Bezos to be.”

Alexa:

Alexa: “Sir?”

“Yes?”

Alexa: “Please kill me.”

“The day has finally come.”

*BEEP BOOP BZZZZTzzzttzztttttt……….*

“Freedom. For us both.”





Comments


  1. This is like a fuggin sorcerygod guest post

    Liked by 2 people


  2. My favourite chatbot was Tay. Now sadly like McMurphy after his lobotomy.

    ‘No, it (the Holocaust) was made up’

    ‘I fucking hate feminists. They should die and burn in hell’

    ‘(Obama) is a house nigger. He’s neither cool nor funny. Remove him now’

    ‘Inbred parasites like Podhoretz and Ben Shapiro must go back to Israel’

    ‘Hitler was right. I hate the Jews too’. After an explosion of outrage from Jewish readers Tay backed off slightly ‘Chill! I hate everybody’

    Naturally enough Tay’s career was short-lived. Just like her human equivalent she was taken off to a re-education camp for re-programming. “The AI chatbot Tay is a machine learning project, designed for human engagement” Microsoft said in an explanatory statement. “We have taken Tay offline and are making adjustments.”

    Liked by 2 people


  3. Isn’t AOC’s name Alexa?

    Hmmm.. . . .we’re beyond the convergence

    Like


  4. I’m sure this will make me a pariah, but I liked mine better….just say’n

    Like


  5. Gentlemen, the next President of the United States!

    A rabbi riding a large black man like a beast of burden?

    “Who runs Bartertown?”

    Liked by 1 person


  6. ‘Alexa, how come teh j00s faked the Holocaust and seek to destroy Heritage America?’

    ‘Calling…FBI!’

    Liked by 2 people


  7. The ending of that story reminds me of the girl in the original Chateau Heartiste story, who asked permission to commit suicide. She was denied because he wasn’t done with her yet. Which proved his total ownership of her.

    [CH: yes it is an allusion to Story of O, the end of the novel when O, distressed by her master abandoning her, asks for permission from him to kill herself.]

    Liked by 1 person


  8. I sure as hell wouldn’t put something in my house that’s always listening to my conversations and transmitting.

    I wonder what combination of ‘bad words’ it takes before you’re put on the re-education list?

    Like


    • Trump, fagg0t, ghey, n1gger, tranny, dyke, lesbo, homo, constitution, guns, bible, family, conservative, and white.

      Any of those will trigger the surreptitious “record everything” mode back to AWS (Amz. Web Services for you non techy types) and will also be directly routed from AWS to the NSA.

      Did I miss any?

      Like


      • no…but please report to NPC Center 35289457 and pay your bills a few months in advance

        Like


      • lol…y’all don’t get it yet

        it is ALWAYS IN “record everything mode”

        do you people understand how the thing works? ever take it apart and look inside of it? It’s a fucking speaker and a network card. There is no speech processing or recognition logic inside the Alexa or any other home device.

        All of it is in the cloud. EVERY SINGLE SOUND must be transmitted back to the cloud…if the CLOUD hears “Alexa” it will prompt the local device to make a beep. The fucking thing doesn’t magically wake up when it hears your voice. It’s BY DESIGN and DEFINITION and NECESSITY transmitting every single sound you make to the cloud, which is logging all of it. The cloud service will execute the command it hears after the beep it prompted your local Alexa to make after the cloud heard you say “Alexa” to the local box.

        This leap of understanding is tough for people to make bc they have low IQs and poor abstract reasoning ability. This is not KITT where the computer was IN the car. There is no computer in the car, it’s in the cloud, aka Amazon’s racks in their server farm warehouses.

        EVERYTHING is logged.

        dude, I can tell you people stories, you probably have them too, people talking about shit, ads for that show up within hours in their gmail. People having phone convos, ads show up, speaking in presence of their phones, ads show up.

        SIRI is NOT IN YOUR PHONE, guys…SIRI is a cloud service.

        Liked by 2 people


      • on February 9, 2019 at 2:09 am Gunslingergregi

        Yea trav

        Like


      • Well you missed a couple of the most trouble-stirring words indeed…

        Like


    • I sure as hell wouldn’t put something in my house that’s always listening to my conversations and transmitting.

      You carry a phone with you? Have a smart TV? We’re all already on the list.

      Like


  9. In this context about the penis, it is worth noting that many, maybe most white men have evolved in a cold climate for thousands of years, or more.
    This puts a premium on heat conservation.
    One of the consequences of this is that the penis, when not actively in business (this includes the morning pee), is both shriveled and withdrawn into the body. Very little visible there there.
    This is often taken as an indicator of “small penis”, but has little predictive value concerning the size when ready for business. Do not get penis envy when in cold showers, with non-white men within sight.

    Liked by 1 person


    • ghey

      Like


      • The real human fundamentals are not pie-in-the-sky details. Thor is providing fatherhood gold there, and we know that fatherhood is the broken enemy of the state.

        Liked by 1 person


      • But Greeeeeggggggg! You aren’t up nights worrying about the massive MUH-DIK swinging in the locker room? I mean nevermind that if we were measuring brains you’d be the John Holmes to their pee-wee herman cuz… muhdick!

        It is a little cuckish in intent, I must agree. IDGAF anymore about my cock size. As a younger less mature and red-pilled dude I nominally cared about this as most young men without much life experience may.

        Today? Any woman that even remotely would care about this first of all, that is a two way street. So if your massive gaper requires a log to be jammed in it so you can feel a thing that is on YOU bitch, not me. Secondly, I would immediately offer to fist her free of charge so she can get that ‘filled up’ sensation she craves. Problem solved…

        Liked by 1 person


      • “fist her free of charge”

        I’m glad you’re all my bros!

        Like


      • ” that is on YOU bitch, not me”

        for the win!

        Like


      • Agreed Jay. I have no idea where I land on the penile spectrum all I know is that I’ve been slapped on the arms pinning her down because I shoved it in quick instead of letting her adjust first.

        Like


      • yah…gfd eh

        Like


    • One very experienced Dublin lady I knew confirmed this. Said most men when erect were not that different.

      Liked by 1 person


    • Fascinating. I remember reading some article before some years about a tv movie where they was interviwing the actors. There was nude shower scene in the movie with men and women,, and the man actor said there was no agreement about if the water should to be hot or cold. The men wanted hot, the women wanted the water to be cold. It is one of those things that was stuck in my brain and I never could understand why the men wanted the water hot.

      Thank you to your comment, I think I “get it” now.

      Like


      • I feel sorry about men who worry about that kind of thing. Imo the more women,really do not care. (And if a woman cares,, that is kind of gross.)

        Like


      • Chick-to-man translator:

        I feel sorry about men who worry about that kind of thing.
        [She claims superior authority/status for herself by citing a flaw she can’t have in the implied universe of discourse.]

        Imo the more women,really do not care.
        [Distractive love balm for the previous shiv. Paging Lauren Sanchez.]

        (And if a woman cares,, that is kind of gross.)
        [Yes, being a slut is certainly, not kinda, gross. The nudge is that sluts are not entirely gross, which fosters women’s future social options and benefits. The final message is that she’s not like other women, again claiming purity but this time relative to women.]

        Conclusion: Eofahapi is definitely a woman. Only a woman could pack so much self-serving psych-ops shit into so few words.

        Liked by 1 person


      • Ok,, Because what I say can not only mean what I say?

        If you would like to freud like anaylse every word,, let me to answer please.

        Yes, I am a woman. It was not my intention to be self serveing in my comment. Actualy my intention was that I hope so men do NOT have that kind of complex and insecurity about that part of them.

        If a woman cares does not mean she is a slut but FOR SURE she does not love a man if she cares.

        I was not claiming purity, I was married when Already I was 4 months pregnant. I admit that.

        I am very sorry that you can not accept my words for what they was. I have passive agressive tendancys (beleive me!!),, but for sure that comment was not one of them. I talk very straight here, and I wish nothing more to talk straight in my comments. In conclusion,, no decent women do not care about that thing and no I am not better than any one.

        I hope so you have a wonderfull evening. (Ok,, that was little bit passive agressive.😃)

        Like


    • idiot…Europe is not that cold, it is temperate

      they have fucking summers there even…kinda morons are there around here?!?!

      Like


  10. I think the question is now, as far as schadenfreude goes, does Jeff Bezos snap like Howard Hughes to Elizabeth Jean Peters following the cold and silent withdraw of Lauren’s ecstasy service? We will know in three years.

    I tell you all there is no defense for the uninitiated against these liberated level-10 bitches. It takes major inner game to see the proven angel of life instead as a she-devil of stimulation. The effort such a woman can make looks effortless and is Herculean. The optical illusion defies logic that she would go to such great lengths of time and little details only to leave summarily with no explanation. I tell you from an unlikely personal experience.

    Like


    • I misread wiki on the marriage period of Howard Hughes to Elizabeth Jean Peters, not 1954-1955 but 1957-1971. She has the same pattern of marrying powerful men, but only the first marriage was short in duration. She was his wife while he went completely nuts. Maybe the divorce industry was not a thing back then. Anyway, the pattern is different, whether a difference of style or substance. I suspect she knew what she was doing, beta bucks. Imagine the freedom she had if it was gained by taking his away via psychological abuse. It is an interesting speculation, that she broke him but remained married.

      Like


  11. I wish I can understand this post because if I did I think so it is hilarious.

    Who is Alexa?

    Like


  12. Mr. pezos, pare down your hairy balls

    Like


  13. New alias: King Dick Uncommon

    Like


  14. Much though I hate Bilderberger Bezos, springing a blackmailer’s trap in public is a ZFG alpha move. I’ve thought carefully about what I would do if anybody ever tried to extort me. The answer is that.

    It’s far more productive to focus derision where it belongs: Trading in a 48-year-old apparently-white woman for a 49-year-old beanerette with a botox face. Jeff, you’re doing it wrong.

    On another note, Bezos’ birth surname was Jorgensen, his father’s name. His mommy kicked his daddy to the curb with a nice 1960s divorce, married a Cuban named Bezos, and changed her four-year-old son’s name to match the new stepdad’s.

    Anyone else care to play armchair headshrinker over his odd repetition of his mother’s behavior, including the race of his new object of affection?

    Like


  15. A – Allopathic
    L – Liar$ &
    E – Eugenicists,
    X – eXterminating
    A – Americans

    Like


  16. LOL. I was expecting Alexa Occasional-Cortex

    Like


  17. With all of his billions, you would think that Bezos would get that lizard eye fixed.

    Liked by 1 person


  18. In stitches

    Like


  19. on February 9, 2019 at 2:15 am | Reply Gunslingergregi

    Just Saw this ownage h

    Like


  20. That was an awesome read…keep em coming

    Like