Where Guys Falter

The best way to do well with women over the long haul is to think like them, understand them, and put yourself in their shoes.  The man who can empathize with a woman’s frustrations will know better how to make her happy.  All the great seducers of history co-opted to some degree the psychology and the courting tactics of women.  They used women’s pyschological weapons against them.

This is why European men have a reputation for smoothness with the ladies — they spend more time than American men in the company of women, participating in activities and intellectual pursuits that appeal to women, learning about them.  American men bemoan their dating hardships, but spending all their free time watching sports, drinking beer, video gaming, and golfing, where no women are present, only to take a flailing Saturday night stab at getting laid in overheated bar environments, is not a good way to learn how to turn women on.

The inexperience of many guys around women shows in their ham-fisted come-ons.  They often act so counter-productively that it’s a wonder any girls give it up to them at all.  Verbally gang tackling a group of girls at a bar is one example.  Which guy, in a moment of reflection, really believes that approaching two girls with five of his buddies in phalanx formation and swarming them like vultures over a carcass will win their affections?  Guys who don’t have the sack to approach women on their own should not advertise their weakness by storming in with a giant cock posse for battlefield support.  Two guys maximum.  If necessary, hold off on waving the rest of the crew in until after the set has been warmed up in a non-threatening way.

Guys also do not listen.  Well, not in the way that women want to be listened to.  A guy should listen to a woman with the same intensity he listens to his buddies talk about football or German hookers.  The focus that a nerd brings to tackling a coding problem is the same focus that a guy should have when listening to an attractive woman speak.  The trick is to do it with the distracted aloofness of someone not hanging on her every word.  It’s very alluring to a girl when a guy off-handedly recalls some inconspicuous detail he picked up about her while she was talking without looking like he worked hard to remember it.  It subconsciously says to her “This guy is not desperate, but wow I must be making an impression because he remembers how I felt when I danced at my sister’s wedding.  We connect!”

This isn’t meant as mealy-mouthed John Gray relationship pap; listening intently to a woman will give him all the information he needs to successfully seduce her.  Women reveal so much about themselves in conversation — they can’t help it because they are self-obsessed creatures by nature — but they only do it in subtle read-between-the-lines ways, feminine ways, that to the uninitiated man will pass right under his radar.  It’s a double curse that boobs and pretty eyes cloud his efforts to stay engaged with her words.

To seduce women, you must seduce yourself first.  You are the guy who will be everything she needs.  How will you know what she needs?  Get inside her head.  Become her.





Comments


  1. Cheers. All good advice, particularly the note about remembering – and referencing – early conversational snippets.

    Liked by 1 person


  2. Spot on post, Roissy.

    Liked by 1 person


  3. on July 24, 2007 at 6:33 pm Douglesworth

    I would be careful with all this listening to women stuff. They can capture you with their Jedi-like tactics and you will be sucked in forever.

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  4. Can’t argue with this post. Recalling details effortlessly also signals intelligence to a woman. However, it gets much harder to do when you start dating many girls at the same time. I often self-impose a limit on the number of girls I can see at any one time because dating is not a full-time job.

    Although I used to know one guy that was juggling six women at one point. When I pressed him on how he managed to remember details about each, he said, he did not, and commented that his wealth is sufficient coverage for the informational gaps.

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  5. Can’t really claim this idea as your own though Roissy. See: The Art of Seduction folks. Roissy has just recapped it for the readers.

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  6. this is dangerous advice my freng, as it also supplies a ‘beta’ with just enough rope to hang himself on the “friend zone” gallows. conversations about exBFs should be immediately changed. as an aside, i know guys who blog about relationships have written it about 1000 times, but seriously ladies. guys dont want to hear about your ex. no really. even after you’re “serious” and in a real relationship. we. don’t. wanna. hear it. because:

    a) we probably did something similar to a girl in the past
    b) we don’t care

    save it for your galpals.

    oh yeah, and don’t ask us about our ex’s unless you’re ready to be a) horrified b) lied to.

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  7. paully – point taken. a lot of the tools at the disposal of the best seducers would, if mimicked by a beta, blow up in his face. but that is the nature of the beast. seduction is equal parts science and art.

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  8. I hope that this works for you. It seems awfully insincere.

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  9. Betas wouldn’t be able to master the “distracted aloofness of someone not hanging on every word” that Roissy said was part of the skill set. I can just see some poor Beta, eyes locked on his target, nodding ferociously in response to every syllable she emits, and generally stinking of desperate loser/future stalker with every drop of flop sweat beading his furrowed brow.

    I think this post was great advice (for everyone but Betas). And women would agree, I’d say.

    And yeah, second the hat tip to Art of Seduction, where it’s called “Entering [her] spirit”.

    This is a great blog.

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  10. nonbeliever – would you rather the guy say to a girl he just met “i’d like to fuck you”?
    because that’s sincerity.
    what i advocate is not insincerity, but marketing.

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  11. on July 25, 2007 at 8:07 am Days of Broken Arrows

    “…but they only do it in subtle read-between-the-lines ways, feminine ways, that to the uninitiated man will pass right under his radar.”

    Good point! When people in general tell you things, it’s often revealing to look for the little things they throw in that give away what they’re really about. Also look for patterns.
    I wish I could think of examples to this but I’m too tired.

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  12. yeah, especially when it comes to hating/being overly critical of things. like the biggest homophobe being a homo rule. if a girl is really critical of sleazy women, she probably spent the better part of her formative years gettin her shit wrecked. likewise, if a girl seems to be really keen on showing you how [whatever] she is, she probably isnt [whatever] at all. kinda like how chubby girls are always running their mouths about how much they go to the gym or that theyre training for a half-marathon in between mouthfuls of twinkies dipped in crisco. “i went to the gym this morning so i can cheat a little lolz!!!!” we sometimes have these beltway power-woman types come out to where i work and they act all hard, but i know they’re scared little girls who cry themselves to sleep every night.

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  13. Roissy,

    So which are you? The Alpha or the Beta?

    I thought you were a Chi Omega?

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  14. Roissy,

    So which are you? The Alpha or the Beta?

    I thought you were a Chi Omega?

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  15. This post could apply to virtually every aspect of your life. It could just as easily been a technique espoused by Machiavelli for political gain, rather than by Robert Greene as a historically-proven seduction technique.

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  16. […] gaming a girl) by walking away from girls early in a conversation. Always end conversations first, seem needlessly distracted, and make it seem like you are a man who has options, even if technically in a bar with more men […]

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