Reader Mailbag: Poke Rape Edition

Email #1:

Short and sweet

What is a good response to a girls question of

“What is your biggest fantasy”

Seems like saying something crazy and different would be a good response, right?

The chick wants to know if her fantasies are compatible with your fantasies. Three ways to tackle this. Smolderingly serious, jokingly over-the-top, or intriguingly evasive.

Serious answer: “To scale the heights of Kilimanjaro during the autumnal equinox, and to gaze down at the herds of feminists stampeding across the veldt.”

Jokey answer: “You, me, your mom, Cool HHWip.”

Evasive answer: “We’ll see.”

Use the serious answer on girls you know something about, so that you can tailor your response. Use the jokey answer on attention whores and party girls. Use the evasive answer on girls who are already into you.

References to breastal motorboating, public sex or blumpkins should be avoided.

Email #2:

Dear Chateau,

This Asian chick I’ve been hooking up with for the past month told me at lunch (I’m in highschool) that my friend poke raped her. I asked her to define rape, and she said that she might be exagerrating and that he actually poked her in the boob. My friend defended himself (although a bit in jest) saying that he merely poked her in the side. This prompted her to do an exaggeration demonstration as she poked him in the chest (boob).

I looked at him seriously for a few seconds, and when he held out his fist to fist bump, I waited a few seconds before fist bumping him.

I don’t really care about if anything happened, but I am curious as to why you think a girl would do this (oi! he raped me)? Is she trying to tell me that some one else is interested in her?

(The relationship we have is unofficial. There are a few other things that may be in play that I don’t know about, but they are unimportant to me. This relationship is a learning one.)

W

Poke rape? Wow, high school has really gotten lame since I was there. What happened to heavy makeouts in the stairwell in between classes?

The tempestuous geisha is trying to make you jealous. She wants to see some sign of commitment from you in the form of defending her virtue from male interlopers. Ignore her sly provocations. Play with her expectations. Ask if her boob needs to go to rape counseling. Ask her to finger the suspect (ha). And don’t fistbump your buddy. He encroached on your territory.

Email #3:

Hello, first I would like to thank you for your wonderful blog, it has really helped turn my life around, so feel free to include your answer to this on your site.

I have a problem with erectile dysfunction, and it is really freaking me out as I am only a 24 year old man and am in otherwise excellent physical condition.  The problem was I didn’t know I had it until recently.  I’ve always been a very quiet type guy, ie the nice guy, and until the past year when I started reading your blog I have had almost no success with women.

I’ve been working very hard to turn my life around, and a couple nights ago I was finally able to get a very attractive 21 year old foreign girl into bed with me, and then it happened.  When we were kissing, I was rock hard, I was hard when she was sucking my dick, but when I penetrated my boner was killed almost immediately.  I can’t stress enough how embarrassing this was for me and I cant imagine what was going through her head.

I wonder if  the fact that it had been such a long time that I’ve been with a woman (several years) might have played a role since you just cant duplicate what it feels like to fuck a girl, but I find it very unnerving that I wasn’t able to keep an erection for a girl that I found very attractive.

I tried to play it off like she wasn’t doing enough to stimulate me, and she ended up staying the night and sucking me off again in the morning before she left, but I feel like I’ve ruined this situation.  My immediate plan is to see a doctor and get a prescription for viagra(that shit is ridiculously expensive), but I’m wondering if there’s anything that I can do in the mean time to save face with her.

One side of me wants to tell her that I just don’t find her very attractive but I was trying to make it work because she has a great personality and end the relationship there, while the other side get the medication and try to work it out since I really do like her personality.  I feel like she will just disgust me if I were to tell her the truth, but I could be wrong.

Thoughts?

I wish I could give you firsthand knowledge here to help you over your problem, but I’ve rarely underperformed. Instead, I’ll have to engage in some speculation with a layman’s understanding of the relevant medical science.

You’re 24, little to no previous sexual experience with women, and you’ve got a foreign girl in bed thanks to what you’ve learned reading this blog. I’m 90% sure it’s nerves, dude. Nothing physically wrong with you. It happens to every man occasionally. Usually it happens when you’re bumbling with the condom, or the phone rings and you’re distracted by the possibility that it’s your other girlfriend calling. No biggie; just tell the chick you need to rest for a minute and let her run her fingers over you while you put your arms behind your head and listen to music. Your boner will be back in no time.

One thing you didn’t mention was whether you were wearing a condom. Very tight and thick condoms can kill boners dead. Try ultra-thins. If she’s up for it, play just the raw dog tip. Don’t penetrate right away; build tension, tap her vulva with your dick head, go in an inch and pull out, etc. Eat celery, lots of it. My loads get incredibly viscous and milky-white after five stalks of celery. Take an l-arginine supplement, 500mg, three or four pills per day. Lift heavy weights. Get your testosterone level and your triglycerides checked by a doc. Don’t bother with Viagra until you’ve tried everything else.

Here’s a little trick I’ve learned that really amps up sexual pleasure and will cement your boner: do her from behind in front of a wall-length mirror, but stand profile (her facing to the side) so that you can watch your dick in the mirror appear and disappear in between her ass cheeks. This position will fill your testes with the juice of the gods and your dick with adamantium.

Oh, and don’t push the girl away. There isn’t enough sweet lovemaking in the world. Don’t insinuate she is at fault for not stimulating you enough. Your reaction to her wasn’t good. Just play it cool and carefree and she’ll fall into your arms as soon as you’re ready.

Email #4:

Can you please do a write up on Alpha Halloween costumes?

See here, here and here for what qualifies as examples of alpha, beta and omega GHEY costumes. As for what’s in this year, I read that sexy Sesame Street costumes are going to be big. If you’re creative, you could try a mash-up, like a Call of Duty Cookie Monster strapped up with belts of ammo and an assault rifle, and a bunch of cookie notches on the rifle barrel. Otherwise, stick with the tried and true pickup artist costumes: Zorro, Indiana Jones, James Bond (a suit always looks good on a man, particularly on a night when few other men will be wearing that), Jack Sparrow, gladiator (but only if you’ve got the body)… basically any costume that a) is manly and/or sexy and b) evokes power.

Last year, I saw a dude dressed as an infant, wearing a huge diaper, bib and bonnet and nothing else, while holding a rattler. It looked fucking ridiculous and creepy, yet the chicks swarmed around him, laughing and smiling. His trick? He had a bodybuilder physique. Contrast is king!

Email #5:

How do you deal with a narcissistic insecure woman who has been catered to and spoilt by former partners. she behaves selfishly and thinks the world revolves around her.

Three simple steps:

1. Don’t flatter her. Boosting her self-image will kill her attraction.
2. Neg! These girls are tailor-made for multiple negs. Also, employ tactical backturns at will.
3. Make her jealous. She will respond very well to denied attention and competition from other women.

Girls such as you describe can make surprisingly good girlfriends, *if* you know how to train them. A narcissislut has spent her life being chased by men; flip the script and she will explode with years of pent-up desire. Her gratitude will be your nut.

Email #6:

What does it mean when a girl has a pic of her kissing another guy as her profile pic on Facebook. She hasn’t indicated if she is in a relationship or not.

She initiated Facebook id exchange with me.

Is this a way of the girl telling “Look at me, I am desirable! Kiss my feet!”

She has a very pretty face and good sense of fashion but she is slightly chubby/thick and that lowers her points to about 7-8/10 in my eyes.

Thoughts?

How is she kissing him? On the cheek with eyes open, or full on the lips with eyes closed? The difference matters if you’re gauging her availability. Regardless, I’d avoid investing any time or energy into seducing such an attention whore. The “look at me!” Facebook profile kiss is a neon sign pointing the way to unending drama, single momhood, divorce and self-cutting. Who needs the hassle? On the plus side, she’s chubby and exhibitionist. She’ll show up to the date drunk and put out after an hour. Half hour, if you compliment her “striking figure”.

Email #7:

I read your post on Anal, and this is perfect timing.

I need your advice on this situation.

Im under 30 years old, good game, and i do my thing.

I got a main squeeze that ive been stringing along for a while. Shes under 25, and is exotic, with a huge ass. Recently, ive really been wanting to get in that ass, so ive been experimenting with it when shes drunk.
I got my finger in there and she squirted like ive never seen before. Ive done this twice while shes drunk and safe to say, she LOVES it.

Problem is, when shes sober, she denies wanting to do it and hates the idea of my dick getting in there.

Her body clearly loves it, but the hamster is trying to steer her away from it. I need some good advice on broadening her horizons.

Coochaholik

Keep that hamster inebriated. Fuck her in the ass for hours so that she sobers up while you’re still balls deep in her butt. This is known as systematic desensitization therapy, aka the sneakyfucker cure.





Comments


  1. but I’ve rarely failed to underperform

    Chateau’s staff writer should have used an even number of negatives.

    [Editor: D’oh! Fixed.]

    Like


  2. “staff.” hehe

    Like


  3. My girlfriend asked me about my fantasies the other day.

    I told her, “Bring over a couple of your female friends, dress up like a French Maid….and clean my floors.”

    Like


  4. on October 14, 2010 at 11:20 am Gunslingergregi

    Fistbump she prob expected you to pimp slap him but maybe excited that you don’t give a fuck at same time letting you know your buddy trying to hit it.

    Like


  5. I did the baby halloween outfit years ago. Great results. Girls will come to you.

    Like


  6. on October 14, 2010 at 11:29 am Gunslingergregi

    Bang 5 chicks a day for 5 years would prob be memorable.

    Like


  7. on October 14, 2010 at 11:32 am Gunslingergregi

    I had same dick thing happen it ain’t the first though sometimes my dick just doesn’t like a bitch even if my mind still wants to bang.

    Like


  8. on October 14, 2010 at 11:35 am Gunslingergregi

    Email #6:

    What does it mean when a girl has a pic of her kissing another guy as her profile pic on Facebook. She hasn’t indicated if she is in a relationship or not.

    She initiated Facebook id exchange with me.
    ””””””””””

    I think it means she wants you to take her out and then take a picture while kissing her.

    You could even be like hey let fuck and take a picture you can put that on facebook too.

    Like


  9. Ask if her boob needs to go to rape counseling

    FTW

    Like


  10. I

    Hate

    Facebook.

    It’s a female world and a female plot.

    Like


  11. I thought I had ED for a while a few years ago.

    Then I just worked out that I wasn’t attracted to the woman I was with.

    Too big.

    I went to Asia (no fat chicks – even kinda fat or sorta fat or slightly fat chicks) and discovered – Whoah! No ED.

    Problem cured.

    No fat chicks.

    Like


  12. on October 14, 2010 at 11:53 am Vincent Ignatius

    The ED thing probably had to do with stress/nervousness and/or the condom, as CR noted.

    I’ll echo Gorb. If it’s not either of the aforementioned factors and you’re young and healthy, the girl just isn’t hot enough.

    As for Facebook, your negging of a girl should be directly proportional to the amount of male attention she gets on her wall. The men who shower girls with attention on Facebook deserve to choke on their own vomit.

    Like


  13. wait, what? celery?

    Anyway, the biggest fantasy question, another beta-bait question shit test?

    Like


  14. Okay, offtopic, but I was hoping I could get your opinion on this:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1320337/David-Arquette-Tiger-Woods-Jude-Law–A-list-men-say-waitress.html

    “Why A-list men can’t say no to a waitress: LIZ JONES on the stars who ‘marry up’ then ‘cheat down'”

    It’s basically a bitter diatribe by a middle-aged woman( her pic is at the top of the linked page) against hot young waitresses. Quite amusing.

    Like


  15. The old lady and I recently adopted a dog from the local shelter. He is still young and willful, but he listens to my every command and is really, really attached to me. In fact, he is too attached….he mostly ignores my woman if I am home and he doesn’t consistently obey her. Part of it has to do with our personalities: I am the stern enforcer, and she tends to give unconditional love. I am trying to step back and let her take charge of the dog, so he sees the woman and me as co-alphas, but it is not happening overnight.

    It is frustrating for her, but the funny thing is that my status has risen in her eyes. She is trying to win the dog’s love, but the dog mostly has love for me….it’s an additional form of social proof and it adds an element of competition. It’s almost as good as when her little sister comes to visit and they both coo over me.

    Like


  16. Re: Email #3
    Why doesn’t he stay cool and act like everything is going according to plan no matter how screwed up it gets. It sounds like he is so stressed out that he isn’t enjoying it. What’s the point ? I think he needs to relax and realize his objectives aren’t simply to get laid but to enjoy it too.

    Re: Email #5
    How about dump her and move to the next in line?

    Like


  17. To the ED man, that happens to us all. Dose of nerves, especially if not much prior action. Take it easy and you will be fine

    Like


  18. ED man- that happens to most of us, especially early in the career. Take it easy.

    The poke guy should not have left his friend get away with a fist- bump. He should have warned him about such behaviour, but not in front of the lady, who is clearly seeking drama.

    Finn, that article is an epic of snobbery. The writer seems to have more issues with the ladies (I use the word advisedly) economic status than their despicable home-wrecking ways

    Like


  19. @ Email #3:

    Also, stop masturbating and watching all that porn on the side. Seriously. For a lot of guys, that shit can desensitize you to flesh-and-blood women. Stop watching porn/beating off for 30 days. If you can’t do it, get help—you’re an addict.

    If this isn’t the problem, then Chateau is right and it’s probably just nerves. One you get your confidence up and calm down a little bit then you will be fine. Doing PC exercise is also a great idea. You can find some good ones here:

    http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html

    Like


  20. ED:

    Happened to me during a threesome. Those are not my bag of tea, so it was a little weird; and the weirdness was made more obvious by my lack of, shall we say, enthusiasm.

    It was cured by shifting my mindset a little. Then it was fine.

    You don’t know how keyed the whole erection thing is to your brain. It’s directly wired in.

    How about this:

    if you’re worried about getting a girl pregnant.

    Instant boner-killer.

    Like


  21. To the brother with the erection problem:

    Relax and chill the fuck out. This shit happens. Do not get Viagra. Instead, be a man and admit to yourself that you were nervous with this woman. We are men, not machines. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you should be able to perform. Your dick will stand up when he’s good and ready.

    Also, women are not machines either. Chances are that she was fuckin nervous too. Give yourself and her a break!

    Like


  22. De-bonerising midway through sexual congress is …frustrating as fuck.

    Normally drinking a few pints of lager has zero effect on my rod of steel, but lately it has decreased the boner by about 1 inch to half an inch – it counts, it makes a visible difference. Disturbing.

    Also, during dry spells, multiple intense sessions of fapping are not recommended – it digs into your reserves, and it can take 3 days for your swollen tumesence to return to its full glory.

    Like


  23. @ Email #5:

    If you’re looking for an LTR, then dump her. If not, neg. Harder.

    Like


  24. “Here’s a little trick I’ve learned that really amps up sexual pleasure and will cement your boner: do her from behind in front of a wall-length mirror, but stand profile (her facing to the side) so that you can watch your dick in the mirror appear and disappear in between her ass cheeks. This position will fill your testes with the juice of the gods and your dick with adamantium.”

    holy shit – that is the funniest thing i’ve read in months…

    Like


  25. ay yes, the FB attention whore. Look, they say in real life, the camera adds 10 pounds. I think the FB camera looses the girl 20 pounds. See yesterday’s discussion on automatic deductions, rolls=instant 4, back boobs=instant 3.

    Like


  26. And thus the celery stock market just increased.

    Like


  27. @Gorbachev

    was the threesome you and 2 chicks or you, a dude, and a chick? huge difference between the two scenarios…

    Like


  28. as for ED I had the same thing a while ago, it’s performance anxiety and nervousness, specially when you’re in bed with a hot chick…drink a glass of red wine, that should ease you and put you in the mood (1 glass no more!) and try to feel comfortable around her and trust yourself by relaxing and not rushing things.

    also try not to masturbate too often, ex if you know you are going to have sex on a given day dont masturbate for at least 3 days earlier, you will have a boner up in no time and this is closest to natural viagra! sure you ll come faster but you can do multiple Gs in one session.

    Like


  29. To ED man – I spent a few teen years impotent. No – wait – was I already twenty before I could fuck? What happens is that the fear of failure amplifies as your dick softens, until you have performance anxiety. That then spirals out of control, and you get to believe that you are incapable of fucking.

    Use viagra for a while.

    Or seduce a very patient woman. The later is what cured me. After a while you just get so that you don’t give a shit if you get soft, and strangely enough, it isn’t a problem anymore.

    Like


  30. Also, ED man, some girls are ballbusters. They subtly try to undermine you and take secret joy in seeing you too soft to fuck. An inexperienced man won’t notice the emasculating mind games she tries to pull. Take viagra with a girl like that and see how pissed off she gets. It’s as if she lost her little game.

    Like


  31. dragnet

    dragnet

    @ Email #5:

    If you’re looking for an LTR, then dump her. If not, neg. Harder.

    Sound advice. Dumping a girl cements devotion. You can do it routinely, at first.

    Like


  32. Recession is good for PUA & Older dudes

    85% of College grads headed home…

    If u have a banging pad thats something <25 Males cant have; no to mention their stretch credit card funded life that is being reduced by banks.

    Work it

    http://money.cnn.com/2010/10/14/pf/boomerang_kids_move_home/index.htm

    Like


  33. “To scale the heights of Kilimanjaro during the autumnal equinox, and to gaze down at the herds of feminists stampeding across the veldt.”

    Hahahaha.

    Made me think of this comic I just read called Y: The Last Man. The good guy is the only man alive on earth. The bad guys are a pack of feminists trying to track him down and kill to kill him.

    Like


  34. @ xsplat

    “Sound advice. Dumping a girl cements devotion. You can do it routinely, at first.”

    Yah, but that’s not quite what I meant. I meant that if you’re looking for an LTR, then a girl “who has been catered to and spoilt by former partners…behaves selfishly and thinks the world revolves around her” is absolutely, 100 percent not a good bet. However if you’re just looking to add another trophy to your display case, then by all means neg away.

    Like


  35. I just don’t get 24 year olds with NO expierence with women. I was a complete AFC until about 25 but still had 2 previous GF’s who despite being bitchy 5’s at best still banged me pretty frequently.

    Like


  36. Fakebook is feminine….for losers…although I do know some PUAs who are making good use of it (Krauser comes to mind…)

    Like


  37. Girls such as you describe can make surprisingly good girlfriends, *if* you know how to train them. A narcissislut has spent her life being chased by men; flip the script and she will explode with years of pent-up desire. Her gratitude will be your nut.

    Seconded. It’s (extremely) hard work, but surprisingly worth the reward.

    Like


  38. on October 14, 2010 at 2:20 pm Ascending Alpha

    Wow, 85% of kids are returning home after college? Come to think of it one of the girls I’m sleeping with lives at home. It’s nice because she lives 40 minutes away and she always has to drive to me so we can have privacy.

    Like


  39. Forget about “ultra-thin” or “extra sensitive” condoms. Try Trojan Ultra Ribbed Ecstasy condoms. They hold tight at the base but the length is baggy. You dick glides back and forth through the ribbing. Trust me on this one.

    As for being able to perform/shoot giant loads – make sure you are fully hydrated and take a multi-vitamin. Also, wolf down a cookie and glass of orange juice first thing when you wake up and hit that pussy again.

    Like


  40. Gorb

    How about this:

    if you’re worried about getting a girl pregnant.

    Instant boner-killer.

    heh bro some of us have the opposite problem, we get the hardest when there’s some sort of incalculable risk involved. oohh the aphrodisiac properties of the imminent possibility of being arrested … or of knocking a bitch up.
    i don’t know about you, but for people like me there’s a direct correlation between risk and hardness, and that whole pesky “not fucking up my life” thing depends heavily on keeping those tendencies in check.

    re ED: yep masturbation is almost certainly the problem here.
    take it from a dude who, 1x upon a time when i was a young stripling, was so, um, one-track-minded that i’d still beat it to porn for 20 minutes a day even when i was getting off 3+ times/day … that is almost certainly the issue.

    although nerves is not something i have known

    also, horny goat weed (available at drug stores if you’re american) is more directly effective than l-arginine.

    if you take l-arginine, make sure that you take it before bedtime.

    Like


  41. With the Guy who went soft that’s not true ED I’m actually reading this at a conference with world expert on male fertility. He def has anxiety issues not true Ed as organic ie not able to gain an erection or not having nocturnal erections. You need confidence and practice because a man is only as good as his last erection in his mind anyway. Good luck Viagra won’t help you too much because this isn’t an issue in vasculature. Even people w Viagra who have this psychgenic problem will fail erections due to increased adrenaline shutting down the blood flow to the penis good luck sex therapy or counseling may help or just getting comfortable with the girl

    Like


  42. on October 14, 2010 at 3:01 pm Gunslingergregi

    For the guys with the woman that has the monthyl college bill coming in. Then she has your kid. How do you handle that shit?

    Like


  43. Isn’t the recurring theme of this blog how to answer #5?

    Like


  44. So which of these answers was actually written by Roissy?

    Like


  45. If I go more than 3 days it gets very painful. Is this normal or something that goes away the more times you try to hold out?

    Like


  46. Dvorak

    So which of these answers was actually written by Roissy?

    the 3
    NOT written
    by roosh

    Like


  47. on October 14, 2010 at 3:31 pm Gunslingergregi

    #5 is just all western woman.

    Like


  48. there’s such a thing as an Alpha Halloween costume?

    also, another funny Onion article about male sexual paranoia:

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-women-always-answer-their-phones-unless-they,18254/

    Like


  49. @#3 I’ll give you some TMI to help.
    Think about it this way, padwan, the first time you went for a run, you got tired quickly. The first few attempts at doing pull ups or sit ups, you got worn out.
    The first time you have sex, you will have the same thing.
    It’s not the same punching your puppet either as I doubt you do anything strenuous sitting in front of the Sear’s catalog’s lingerie section.
    And, I had the same thing at your age, and you know what, some chicks don’t even notice the a half mast stiffy. It’s weird but I got high marks for the semi. as long as it was able to get in and out. Must be some weird cooter magic as us guys have been lead to think like gay men that size, girth, and speed are all that matters to being good in bed. Hell, one girl got off just by me being absolutely still inside.
    For causes, I suspect being a college kid who smoked cigs at parties led to some cardio lung issues with the half mast. As for roissy saying about vitamins, my spunk used to look like cottage cheese back in the day but now its wetter 10 years later.
    As for choking it, I find that it doesn’t matter that much as long as you aren’t on round 3 when you first tap that ass.
    Don’t blame the chick if it happens, don’t be embarassed, just say, let’s rest a second, fool around for awhile, play xbox, my little feller’s tired.

    Like


  50. “I saw a dude dressed as an infant . . . the chicks swarmed around him, laughing and smiling. His trick? He had a bodybuilder physique.”
    That’s the great thing about Halloween. It opens new doors. The guy is probably fairly intimidating in normal life, but the silly outfit gives girls an opening to approach him. Like you said, though, this wouldn’t work if was a dweeb.

    Like


  51. Anyone try horny goat weed? Do you need to take it for weeks, or is taking a couple of pills with dinner sufficient for same night extended fuck sessions?

    Like


  52. ED is when you can’t get a boner. You can get a boner, so you don’t have ED.

    If you’re inexperienced, then nerves may be the problem. Another definite possibility, since it seems everything was going fine until you put it in, is she’s got a big cunt. That can happen, even with an otherwise tight body. Some women are just tragically built that way. If you haven’t been around much, you might not know what it’s supposed to feel like. But if it’s loose, you may need to crack every muscle in your body like Bruce Lee to just keep an erection, and orgasm may be right out of reach. Under those conditions, losing your boner is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

    Like


  53. @T,

    It was me and two absurdly hot chicks. One ex-lover and a current lover. It was a bizarre scenario and how it worked out was essentially unrepeatable with anyone else.

    But it had me unsettled for a bit – and then it all clicked. But it took some time.

    Like


  54. bictopia

    And thus the celery stock market just increased.

    you mean to pun “celery stalk” market, but our tricky American language must be the reason for your disturbing pun on taking a break – like in aluminun dam break.

    truly disturbing

    Like


  55. on October 14, 2010 at 4:00 pm The Quest For 50

    Definitely been there with the condom issue… I hate thick condoms, although if you haven’t fucked in a couple weeks the desensitization does help your stamina.

    A friend of mine has tried horny goat weed a few times. He says the effects are definitely same-day and very palpable.

    Like


  56. I have some pretty basic but effective instructions for ED sufferers:

    1. Insert Penis
    2. Remove Penis
    3. Repeat if necessary
    4. Rinse

    Like


  57. on October 14, 2010 at 4:38 pm Gunslingergregi

    Naa listen to your penis.

    It may be trying to tell you something.

    It may also be smarter than your conscious mind.

    Like


  58. “Fuck her in the ass for hours so that she sobers up while you’re still balls deep in her but”

    Now no man has an excuse any more for not having anal sex.

    Like


  59. By far the best way to deal with ED is weed.

    Puff a J and fuck away.

    I’m gonna get that inscribed on my gravestone. Or maybe tattooed on my next GF’s ass.

    Hahah!

    Like


  60. dragnet

    @ xsplat

    “Sound advice. Dumping a girl cements devotion. You can do it routinely, at first.”

    Yah, but that’s not quite what I meant.

    Ya, I had realized that dragnet. I was intimating that you can train even a wild and willful horse, by breaking her spirit.

    Brinksmanship is an excellent tool. And if it’s genuine, you are going to use it anyway.

    From telling a girl to leave your apartment for a few days, on the spot, for some bad behavior, up to telling her you’re going to leave town to forget her – behavior modification gets an extra bite if you are heavily in her face about the consequences of her sucking so much.

    Like


  61. maurice

    there’s such a thing as an Alpha Halloween costume?

    with all the examples of pictures lilgrl took of him – just dress as epoxy

    Like


  62. Now no man has an excuse any more for not having anal sex.

    I better start investing in prosthetics companies. When all these women hit middle/old age and their assholes start falling out, sphincter replacements are gonna be big business.

    Like


  63. “I have a problem with erectile dysfunction…”
    ——-
    I used to occasionally have the same trouble you describe. It was all a matter of valuing the woman’s attractiveness too much. I would think to myself, ‘Wow, a really hot girl in my bed. This is an important situation. I better do this right…” And then the boner would go away. Go to Roissy’s commandment about being “immune to her beauty.” Try to pretend that she’s a 6 instead of an 8, and it’s not that big a deal.

    Like


  64. on October 14, 2010 at 7:54 pm David Collard

    Let me give an older married man’s perspective. If you think it is tricky getting an erection with a young girlfriend, try it with a wife. The problem is not lack of interest, it is the ungodly hours that you end up having to fuck her. Especially with a family. First thing in the morning is not too bad. An early morning quickie can be a natural start to the day. But last thing at night is shocking. Many times I have fucked my wife at about midnight. That is tough duty after a busy day as a worker and father.

    I never had much trouble with my erection. Still don’t. The odd thing is I only really get erect when I need it these days. With my wife. I have taken to getting her to suck my cock a bit first, and this probably helps a bit with an erection, but it is more just a nice little entree.

    I only remember one real occasion of impotence, now that I think of it. I was seduced by a tall, skinny blonde with a stratospheric IQ. A sort of English rose with a very long stalk. She got us both horribly drunk and I couldn’t perform. I never got another chance with her.

    Like


  65. Even highschoolers are quick and ready at the first sign of men doing wrong to yell out “RAPE!” and get them thrown in jail. Fucking hell.

    Like


  66. @David Collard,

    Completely off topic. You mentioned I think you are a scientist. I decided to take a chemistry and a physics class recently, and totally loved them. Mind you, they were lower division. I don’t know if I’ll take more.

    Which field did you enter, if you don’t mind me asking?

    Like


  67. on October 14, 2010 at 9:49 pm David Collard

    Tim

    I am a biologist. I went to university (in Australia) to do a science degree, intending to be a biochemist. I did some chemistry, but I knew physics was too hard for me. I only did the chemistry so as to do the biochemistry. But I found the biochemistry a bit too chemical, and found I had a knack for zoology. So I did a biochemical Ph.D. in a zoology department.

    In short, I find physical sciences too hard, but I am on the hard end of the softer science of biology.

    The blonde I had the bang fail with was a very bright girl. She went on to do a postdoc at the Rockefeller University in New York, although she lacked a certain scientific something (I am tempted to say a penis) and ended up as a fairly routine researcher in New York. I checked up on her not long ago. She looks OK physically, but she doesn’t have her own research group, which she should, given her age.

    Like


  68. Women are just after your money, which is why I just go gay.

    Like


  69. Another thing about the male erection. I had a moral lapse recently and watched some porn on the Internet. I was very struck by the floppy “erections” that some of the women were working hard sucking on.

    Like


  70. Thanks David. Ya, I don’t know if I’ll continue with the physics and chem as I’ve been informed they get brutal once you begin upper division courses. I’m actually an English major; I took the two science classes as electives, and for curiosity. I suspect after I complete my degree I’ll be qualified to ask, “Would you like some salt with your fries?”

    Like


  71. Tim

    I bought a book recently on brown dwarfs and other very small stars. It was highly technical, but I got more out of it that I expected. If you know a few basic concepts like “doppler effect”, “wavelength”, and so on; it can be surprisingly easy to get the gist of physics (or in this case astronomy). But I can’t “do the math”. And that limits one in physics. There are probably low-maths areas of astronomy, for example, but serious astrophysics is very demanding in the maths line. Chemistry, apart from physical chemistry, is fairly “soft”. I own an organic chemistry book that actually says that the field is suitable for the less numerate.

    That said, Einstein worked mainly in a conceptual manner, was not a particularly good mathematician (he had a sidekick to do his maths for him), and used to refer disdainfully to highly mathematical papers as “X-ings”.

    I like maths, and I can follow it to some extent, but not to the extent that I can follow the kind of maths (partial differential equations, or whatever) that physicists and even engineers work with. Even some fields of biology (evolutionary game theory, ecology, genetics) can get very mathematical, very quickly. Try reading EO Wilson and his coauthor on “Caste and Ecology in Social Insects”. Wilson can’t do maths, and he got another guy, Oster, to do the maths for him.

    Not sure how to work chicks into this comment.

    Like


  72. Another thing about the male erection. I had a moral lapse recently and watched some porn on the Internet. I was very struck by the floppy “erections” that some of the women were working hard sucking on.

    Try banging a chick with people standing around, bright lights, a director telling you what he wants next, etc. Oh, and this is the second time you’re having sex this afternoon.

    Even aside from the size issue, I doubt very many guys are capable of what it takes to be a good male porn star. Though V and C may have leveled the playing field a bit.

    Like


  73. Low Testosterone level can be a reason; it is not a case of ED; rather, an anxiety and tension! Actually, women are at better situation then men when it comes to sex they are never blamed or accused of deficiency.

    Like


  74. If a science/math student truly gets calculus and can derive such equations as can be derived – then you are set to ride the rocket as far as it will go- or not. In a way, it is all or nothing with non-linear math.
    Get a good grip on this and Higher maths/physics do converge and then simplify and then fall into your grasp entirely .
    But there are no quantum bitches that cannot be understood by normsal means.. You gotta to speak to them with the right tone, like they are robots with strong emotions – until proven otherwise

    Like


  75. About optimal male sexual performance,

    one thing I found to be important, yet rarely mentioned,

    is breathing deeply enough, from when you first start getting turned on, all the way through orgasm.
    Trying to be ‘cool’, or just being nervous, a guy may be breathing too shallowly with a very hot woman.
    Shallow breathing undermines relaxation,
    and being tense undermines deep enough breathing.
    A vicious circle.
    Breathing deeply enough helps you relax enough to get hard and stay hard, and then delay ejaculation longer.

    Was it just me, or did a lot of guys get taught at an early age that any time you were caught breathing audibly & visibly, ‘huffing & puffing’, in sports or anywhere, it meant you were overwhelmed, or you had lost control of yourself.
    Kind of like when a child is crying — audible, visible, a departure from the norm of being subdued, calm, etc.
    Breathing deeply, audibly & visibly, was interpreted like you have slipped below the standard of what is considered respectable, like you deserve sneering rejection.

    Then, getting experience with the mind games of girls & women, learning that letting your sexual excitement make your breathing deeper, audible & visible, was like a tactical error, letting it be obvious how turned on you were, so she figures you can be easily manipulated, or she feels like ‘Game over, I won, because now I know how much you want me, while I stayed cool with you. So we’re done. Ha ha, loser.’ (my first serious girlfriend was a world class manipulative, mind game playing, ball-busting, cold-hearted bitch, fyi)

    So does this sound obscure & crazy, or is it common?

    The irony was, learning how much it can turn on a woman when our kissing etc made my breathing deep, audible, visible, etc.
    But the timing of revelation mattered.
    Don’t get ahead of her in sexual arousal.

    Like


  76. Does the celery have to be raw?

    Like


  77. 37-year-old Hina Patel, who worked as a supply teacher at Birkdale High School, near Southport, met the two teenagers at her home, where they had “full sexual intercourse,” ‘Daily Mail’ reported.

    In fact, she met the boys for sex sessions at her home in nearby Hightown over several weeks between February 1 and March 18 this year, a local court heard.

    Read more: Indian-origin woman teacher admits having sex with two teens – The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/uk/Indian-origin-woman-teacher-admits-having-sex-with-two-teens/articleshow/6740828.cms#ixzz12OsTnBzD

    Like


  78. “Low Testosterone level can be a reason; it is not a case of ED; rather, an anxiety and tension! Actually, women are at better situation then men when it comes to sex they are never blamed or accused of deficiency.”

    You never heard “blaming the rape victim”?

    Like


  79. “A woman teacher who admitted having sex with two 15-year-old boy pupils was yesterday condemned for committing an ‘appalling abuse of trust’.”

    lol rapist gets condemned, you have come a long way bababy!!

    Like


  80. “I wish I could give you firsthand knowledge here to help you over your problem, but I’ve rarely underperformed. ”

    I lol’d

    Like


  81. on October 15, 2010 at 2:09 am Gunslingergregi

    ”””””lawyerjourno
    Low Testosterone level can be a reason; it is not a case of ED; rather, an anxiety and tension! Actually, women are at better situation then men when it or comes to sex they are never blamed or accused of deficiency.””””

    Wrong.

    when you don’t get hard the chick will blame herself.

    She is gods gift to the world so if she can’t make you hard she doesn’t fault you she faults herself.
    Unless maybe you act all paranoid and like it is your fault and some kind of lifetime special he he he

    Like


  82. In what way you can claim she is responsible for no-erection in a guy. It is guy’s body and if he is not getting hard on there is some problem with his body/mind.

    Like


  83. on October 15, 2010 at 3:17 am Gunslingergregi

    FUCK

    CR ain’t bullshitting.

    I think I am about to have a fucking heart attack but it feels good.

    ””””””Oh, and don’t push the girl away. There isn’t enough sweet lovemaking in the world.”””

    Yea but there is a diference between fucking a chick and that first time you actually make love to a woman and are feeling the love instead of just going through the motions of sex.

    Fucking is good but yea sweet lovmaking better.

    ”””lawyerjourno
    In what way you can claim she is responsible for no-erection in a guy. It is guy’s body and if he is not getting hard on there is some problem with his body/mind.
    ”””’
    Yea but get another chick and dick hard so not your fault it is womans fault.
    If you fuck some chicks you will understand maybe.
    Or maybe it won’t happen to you.
    Throughout my life it was just a normal thing if I tried to fuck a chick under my beauty threshold for woman. If they sucked me off though it got hard.
    Ok it did happen with another chick that looked good but my woman had cursed me that I wouldn’t be able to pound the pussy because she only wanted me to pound her pussy. It worked for a bit. he he he

    Like


  84. @Gun
    my woman had cursed me that I wouldn’t be able to pound the pussy because she only wanted me to pound her pussy.

    Hmmm, and her curse is still working for you!!

    Like


  85. on October 15, 2010 at 3:59 am Gunslingergregi

    Interesting isn’t it.

    he he he

    Like


  86. The blonde I had the bang fail with was a very bright girl. She went on to do a postdoc at the Rockefeller University in New York, although she lacked a certain scientific something (I am tempted to say a penis) and ended up as a fairly routine researcher in New York. I checked up on her not long ago. She looks OK physically, but she doesn’t have her own research group, which she should, given her age.

    david

    it’s kind of a riot that you go around talking about how uninteresting and stupid women are, considering virtually everything you’ve thus far revealed about yourself on this blog has painted you as a person of very average iq. from talking about how you couldn’t even hack it as a biochemist (and didn’t even try physics) to your steadfast belief that anal sex will take you to the fiery depths of hell.

    now, there are certainly people (dare i say men) out there who can rant on and on about the mediocrity of the female brain, but i’d wager that you would probably bore the fuck out of most people with an iq above 105. that’s not a kick at low-iq types, actually – i know many low-iq types who are more interesting than high-iq types, but you don’t even seem to have the high-t advantage that a moderate-to-low-iq guy usually has.

    sad.

    Like


  87. Lalala,

    Trying to guess the IQ, let alone T-level, of individuals from their writing is a problematic exercise at the best of times.

    Unless you’re just trying to prove David’s point about mediocrity

    Like


  88. lalala

    Me no smart. Glad smart lalala tell me what think me. Me know irony though. David man stupid work biology and observe. lalalal man smart work what and theory. Maybe he not smart as he think. Maybe he say dummy and no good things. Maybe he theory no experience fuck. Ughh, ughh!

    Like


  89. on October 15, 2010 at 5:54 am Gunslingergregi

    That was a good one marsellaux.

    Like


  90. Re Narcissist girls:

    Hit with negs. Check. Don’t flatter. Check.

    But how do you build comfort and then move in for kiss without doing either of the above?

    Work within the non-verbal? Close the space, look for good eye contact and make a bold move without saying anything?

    Like


  91. on October 15, 2010 at 10:32 am greatbooks4men

    lzozlzllzlzlzlzl

    an alpha holloween costume woudl be superman in wheel chair zlozl

    Like


  92. “I better start investing in prosthetics companies. When all these women hit middle/old age and their assholes start falling out, sphincter replacements are gonna be big business.”

    Don’t be silly, we’ll have stem cell asshole replacement by 2017.

    Like


  93. Sidewinder

    Re Narcissist girls:

    Hit with negs. Check. Don’t flatter. Check.

    But how do you build comfort and then move in for kiss without doing either of the above?

    Work within the non-verbal? Close the space, look for good eye contact and make a bold move without saying anything?

    No way – you have to suck her into your spiders web before you can knock her down pegs and begin the behavior modification. Take pictures of her, stare at her, thrill to her. Slowly, after she gets sucked in you display higher value than her, letting her stumble on pictures of your previous hot young girlfriends, negging her over the ways she doesn’t measure up to them, letting it be known you have high expectations of her behavior or you’ll walk – and that you are wondering if you ought to walk.

    Narcissism is great – play up to it. Give her that attention. It’s push and pull. Start with the pull. As long as you maintain higher value, you won’t be sucking up, you’ll be showing attention.

    A lot of people here really don’t get the distinction. They think that showing interest is showing neediness.

    Like


  94. I also think a lot of guys here really don’t grasp the concept of bait and switch.

    First, play to her expectations and desires and inner agendas. Is she looking for a one night lay? A sponsor? A husband? Find that part in yourself that meshes with her needs – that honest part – and play up to her expectations and wants. Then, slowly and surely you change the agenda to be your agenda.

    Start of taking pictures of her. Make her think that it’s all about her. She wants that.

    Then later make it all about you.

    Like


  95. I also think a lot of guys here really don’t grasp the concept of bait and switch.

    First, play to her expectations and desires and inner agendas. Is she looking for a one night lay? A sponsor? A husband? Find that part in yourself that meshes with her needs – that honest part – and play up to her expectations and wants. Then, slowly and surely you change the agenda to be your agenda.

    Start off taking pictures of her. Make her think that it’s all about her. She wants that.

    Then later make it all about you.

    Like


  96. People here seem paranoid about displaying interest. I think it’s because you haven’t fucked enough hot young girls. You can display full out thrill over a girl, without displaying lower value. You can stare adoringly at her on the first date without projecting that you are unaccustomed to beauty.

    Many people here repeat over and over that you have to be aloof – no. They maintain that you have to be alpha. No. What you have to do is to push ALL her attractiveness buttons at once. Provider as well as lover as well as father figure as well as someone she can nurture as well as comedian as well as playboy as well as successful businessman as well as genius, etc. You do it all at once. Not just aloof alpha.

    You display interest and attraction, along with refined control. You can sport a boner the whole time and leer at her. That’s fine.

    Like


  97. You’re 24, little to no previous sexual experience with women, and you’ve got a foreign girl in bed thanks to what you’ve learned reading this blog. I’m 90% sure it’s nerves, dude. Nothing physically wrong with you. It happens to every man occasionally. Usually it happens when you’re bumbling with the condom, or the phone rings and you’re distracted by the possibility that it’s your other girlfriend calling. No biggie; just tell the chick you need to rest for a minute and let her run her fingers over you while you put your arms behind your head and listen to music. Your boner will be back in no time.

    It can be any number of things.

    If it’s nerves, try taking a small amount of an anti-anxiety drug like lorazepam. It’s in your bloodstream within minutes, and it will cool your nerves immensely.

    Obviously, alcohol will help calm your nerves down to, but as the bard said, it makes a man stand-to and not stand-to.

    If you’re smoking weed, cut down on it. Have you smoked the night before your dates? That would do it.

    Have your blood pressure checked. Sure, you’re 24, but you might have a problem there. I know a guy, age 26, who’s being told he has unacceptably high cholesterol levels.

    Put some fat into your diet. I went on an extremely low fat diet a couple of years back and I swear my libido dropped through the floor. Fats are the raw material your body turns into testosterone; you need them.

    If all else fails, take some Cialis. Even if your problem is nerves, it works miracles. It’s rare that you get laid completely unexpectedly; usually it’s at the end of an evening together. The drug takes 30 minutes to act (on an empty stomach) and it lasts for 12-24 hours.

    There’s no shame in using technology to enhance your sexuality. Women do it all the time. And if you feel bad about not letting your girlfriend know you’re using the pill, don’t worry. Chances are, some girl you’ve fucked has already had an abortion without your knowledge.

    Like


  98. Oh yeah, one more thing, but it’s the most dangerous piece of advice.

    If you’re a really disciplined guy, try cutting out porn. You can still, ahem, take care of business, just use your imagination or a written story. Don’t even use pictures of naked women.

    After a few days, the very sight of a naked woman will get you rock hard if you cut out porn. I’ve done it before, and I swear to god it works.

    CAUTION: if you’re working around women a lot, this is dangerous. You’ll find yourself going through porn-withdrawals, and staring at tits and asses like it’s nobody’s business. And the way women dress these days, even at work… well let’s just say it’s hard not to stare. And cutting out porn will make it even more difficult.

    Like


  99. WTF is it with all the sudden propaganda claiming that women enjoy anal sex? Anyone has to realize that this is biologically impossible. Men enjoy receiving it because they have prostate glands, but women generally end up in the hospital if they’re dumb enough to endure this.

    Besides which, why the hell would heterosexuals want to do this anyway? It makes no sense. Gay men use that hole because they don’t have any other. Women do.

    If you’re not a gay man and the idea of doing this, giving or receiving, does not make you vomit, you’re irredeemably sick. Go get some serious medication.

    Like


  100. @Whatshername
    Oh look at Whatshername, sitting on her cloud of judgement handing down life lessons to all the sinners. Yeah, that makes complete sense. You don’t like anal so there’s no way anyone else would. You and your high horse make me want to vomit.

    Like


  101. Regarding ED and Mr. Softee. Thank god for the internets so males can actually talk about this anonymously. Happens to a lot of guys, especially in puritanical societies where sex is a shameful act.

    Game is a cure-all. Seriously. Game gives you an “I-don’t-givea-a-fuck” attitude which conveniently cuts down on nerves.

    Incidentally, weed can make you rock hard for hours.

    Like


  102. Celery huh?

    Any other suggestions for increasing the size velocity of your load? Obviously I understand that not masturbating for a few days will help…but what else?

    Like


  103. Take 4 tablets of Source Naturals OptiZinc (30 mg) about an hour before you fuck.

    Enjoy.

    Like


  104. Eat well, run around, win.

    Seriously your sexy body is used to running around killing things, eating meat and berries, then sleep under sun.

    Easy answer: Drink real fruit and vegetable juice; stretch and pushups situps for 20 minutes in the morning outside.

    Like


  105. Avoid tap water in populated areas. Filled with estrogen, emotion-suppressors, plus the fertilizers and motor oil you would expect.

    Like


  106. You guys do know that sometimes it’s just a natural biological reaction to lose attractiveness for a woman right? Things like bad smells (pheromones) can be warning signs for bad compatibility. She might have bad health, stay away. It’s just natural if you’re not turned on, no matter what you’re not gonna get your dick up for her.

    Combine that with other distractions, yeah you’re gonna have a problem with getting it up.

    Whatever, don’t feel bad shit happens.

    Like


  107. […] Chateau – “The Duke Rejection List“, “Reader Mailbag: Poke Rape Edition” […]

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