This one’s a close call. In a poorly written “news” story, Jennifer quit her day job to breastfeed her boyfriend Brad.
However, they have a very unique bond that has caused Jennifer to quit her job. The former bartender is now planning to stay at home and begin what is known as an adult breastfeeding relationship. […]
Jennifer has taken a leave of absence from work in order to further the relationship. She consumes herbal drinks and pills that are designed to stimulate milk flow. Brad is also excited about the health benefits that her milk has to offer. He is a workout buff who prides himself on working hard to look good for the woman he cares about most.
They plan to become married one day. For now, they are in no rush at all. Jennifer and Brad have yet to tell the whole world about their relationship, but they have shared the news with a few close friends.
Woops, whole world notified!
Literally breastfeeding as an adult is beta, but persuading your girl to turn her life upside so you can latch onto her tits all day long and suckle at her life force is alpha.
When my ability to judge a situation like this one is so badly clouded by contradictory inputs, I revert to the old stand-by criterion: How hot is the dude’s girlfriend? She’s a 3 or, generously, a 4, so my verdict is that breastfeederboy is beta.
PS The most important factoid from the story:
She has never fed a baby of her own.
That’ll be all, clickbait internet. That’ll be all.