Alpha Of The Month Contest

This edition of Alpha of the Month is a contest between one aspiring alpha, one retiring alpha, and one inspiring alpha.

Who will win the coveted CH AOTM trophy? (phallically evocative)

AOTM Candidate #1 (aspiring alpha):

“Sally’s Mound” “Great Winkering”

Are we being had?


AOTM Candidate #2 (retiring alpha):

This one is open to some interpretation, but you can’t argue against the alphaness of hauling ass taking time to trim the grass.


AOTM Candidate #3 (inspiring alpha):

Much wow, doge.

Commence with the voting!

The February 2019 Alpha of the Month Winner is...


  1. Sally’s *Mound* Primary Academy. I thought this must be a joke but it’s real!


  2. hard to vote against a two-legged dog, but good to see the younglings know what plough means, let alone spell it

    She must be a helluva teach. no wonder he wants to give her his thanks.


  3. on February 14, 2019 at 4:33 pm | Reply Captain Obvious

    My intuition sucks when it cumz to Clownworld.

    Are all three of these fakes?


    • the dog is real, but someone drew cartoon hands for him

      c’mon cappy. . .this is what happens when you take not caring too far


      • on February 14, 2019 at 4:51 pm Captain Obvious

        If I cared, I would be worried about how a 6-year-old boy knows what “to plow” means.

        Or how a septuagenarian thinks its cool to put put put down the highway with a chick shaving her snatch.

        Or whether someone surgically removed the dogs forequarters as a joke.

        Fortunately, though, I DO NOT CARE.

        Liked by 1 person

      • on February 14, 2019 at 4:52 pm Captain Obvious

        I am worried, though, that muh intuition is failing me in Clownworld.

        That’s something I gotta keep an eye on.


      • I think Dr. Benway’s explanation is the most likely


  4. 1.

    Yeah baby, yeah.


  5. A 6 year old can change his sex but can’t raw dawg his teacher? I’m so confused.

    Liked by 8 people

  6. The kid thing is weird and creepy regardless of whether it’s true or not.

    Number two is just crass.

    So, I voted for the doggo.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Why walk, when you can strut?


  8. That dog prob has better options for warms beds and naked female bodies than most men. And he can def pass on the fatties and tatties.

    Handicap game?

    If wingmen still existed I’d be down, just for the laughs.

    “She said she loved me more than any man she’d ever met… but couldn’t handle this. This… numbness from the waist down. What she couldn’t make me feel.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • “I have only felt truly alive once in my life. She was young. So was I. It was winter…”


      • on February 14, 2019 at 7:05 pm Sorcerygod at

        The romance bloomed suddenly. I started seeing her in short bursts when I passed the shop she worked at. I acted like i didn’t give a damn at first, but gradually little signs of affection broke through, like rays of sunlight through dense cloudcover. She was a Scorpio. I, a Pisces. I find these little tidbits to be the MOST IMPORTANT in a relationship. We meshed. I just knew her horoscope dialed into mine like a dildo into a European midget wrestler …

        Liked by 1 person

      • … I should have seen the signs. Now, it’s too late.


      • You only live twice, once when you are born, and once when you look in the face of death.

        Liked by 1 person

      • on February 14, 2019 at 9:45 pm Gunslingergregi

        Well u can look into face of death many Times so more than two

        Liked by 1 person

      • I can’t remember what she looked like or her name but the wine was Ch Lafite.


  9. My entry into the proposed “Great Alphas of the Past” category:

    He’s got the phyzz, has women hauling him around on his work cart, and struts like a rooster.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The dog paws down.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Trump will be declared fat buffoon of the month. He uses Jewish cum to make his hair stiff for the comb over.



  12. on February 14, 2019 at 6:28 pm | Reply Corinth Arkadin



    “plough you into next week”

    I LOVE THIS KID!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. The kid thing is too hilarious not to get my vote, but frankly it smells more like the prank of his alpha dad. “A Valentine’s Day card for your teacher, sonny? How cute. Here, let Daddy help you.”


  14. The ‘plough’ kid could very well be a piccaninny.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If they found a 6 yo niglet with a vocabulary that included “plough”, correctly spelled, he’d already have a Harvard acceptance.


  15. Sent the screenshot of the article to my f*ckbuddy that lives in London. Her response was “I can’t wait for him to turn 18”. She’s fun.


  16. on February 14, 2019 at 7:22 pm | Reply A Reasonable Man

    Every sentient human being wants this to be their Valentine’s Day


  17. Sorry to report that Great Winkering in Essex doesn’t exist.

    It was a nice thought!


  18. Bitches are all about petting the bipedal dogus. You can even bask in the virtue signalling pussy, that doge is the clear winner.

    I wonder if Dick Gozinya has ever been in Sally’s Mound?

    Liked by 1 person

  19. on February 14, 2019 at 9:46 pm | Reply Gunslingergregi

    Second one
    Old dude
    Younger chick
    Fucking around with pussy
    Cause ITS throbbing
    For the wim


  20. on February 14, 2019 at 9:57 pm | Reply Gunslingergregi

    Thats like the bosnia kid we asked what u gonna do when you grow up
    He said something like
    Im gonna fuck all day


  21. on February 15, 2019 at 1:19 am | Reply Gunslingergregi

    Indo having presidential
    Should i run?
    He he he


    • On the surface, I have to admire this guy…Amazing story. Kills mountain lion with bare hands in 10 min long wrestling match. T

      On the other hand….

      Travis Kauffman of Arkansas. (((Kauffman)))?

      Jogger/“cat owner”

      Knows there are mountain lions but Goes running In the wilderness by himself anyway without a knife or gun. Also…noodle arms

      “Because I’m a recent cat owner, I know that the back claws are pretty dangerous when it comes down to an attack.” (at least he didn’t say cat parent)

      “Kauffman said he’s saddened that he killed the animal, but during the attack he wasn’t even sure if it was actually dead.”

      The soy is strong with this one.

      I wonder if that mountain lion attacks a guy who weighs more than 120lbs? Hmmmm…

      My verdict: alpha in the moment. Beta in the rest of his life. Had it coming. Maybe he and his girlfriend should go on a walkabout in pakistan or wherever it was that other couple got kidnapped and murdered. What could possibly go wrong???

      My deepest thoughts and prayers go out to the family of that brave mountain lion who died valiantly in its efforts to remove one more cucked soylib from our gene pool.


    • Darwin is lolling so hard in his grave. His sides hurt


  22. Sally’s Mound School. I like that. Was the teacher named Sally?


  23. on February 15, 2019 at 2:39 am | Reply Gunslingergregi

    My extended family coming up
    There are 10
    Put em up on room
    Taking to resteeaunt to tonight i like
    Then to see pirates go out on water
    Tomorrow roller coasters


    • on February 15, 2019 at 2:42 am | Reply Gunslingergregi

      We might take over am oil tanker or something
      See what the pirates want to do rofl
      I know im gonna puke
      I would do anything for love
      And id even do that
      Yea yea id even do that


    • on February 15, 2019 at 2:42 am | Reply Gunslingergregi

      Some of them


    • on February 15, 2019 at 2:49 am | Reply Gunslingergregi

      Scouted it out
      Laid ground work
      With taxis
      Know how to get a boat
      With the pirates
      Know when the big fish
      And sharks and such come on
      Know how to get the fish i buy
      Now get to
      Look fantastic
      He he he
      Wife new handmade dress ready to go too


      • on February 15, 2019 at 2:53 am Gunslingergregi

        Allready told dude at resteeaunt bringing family there


      • on February 15, 2019 at 3:00 am Gunslingergregi

        And then they show up


      • on February 15, 2019 at 10:30 am Gunslingergregi

        Went meal was cool
        They jumped through hoops puting tablet together
        Getting three taxis to Drive though insane traffic for hour at time was challenging all arrived same time though
        One dude didnt have till card one dude didnt know how to get There
        Performa logistical miracles
        Everyone ate like bursa including wife
        Many pics were takin
        Went to pirate docs well not really pirates
        Watches em unload basket by basket
        Tons of fish out of hold of this one ship
        It was awesome
        Tons of dudes night
        Tons of fish
        I even Helper put more empty baskets ini n row as they ram out
        Then had little dude do some
        Then even one of little girls did one
        See im allready a bad mood influence
        Everyone cool as fuck again
        Told em they were the shit
        Told kids see fish don’t fall on a plate
        Men like these have to go out on ocean and get them
        So they got some reality input
        So no wondering
        They literally helped he he he
        Course everyone reads this blog so police and military dude came over asked what we were doing
        Wife told him we checking out prahos
        First he asked me of spoke Indo
        Which not much but improving
        Then asked to take pic with me did with me wife son
        Tried to get dude to take US out on boat
        Said it was too dark no go and no oil tanker to take over kidding that part
        Ok went fish market wemt on periphery
        Was ok everything me enjoyed
        Then went near the entrance to main area with thousand booths it was insane busy
        Dudes carrying fish in out constantly
        Only 3 that went in me wife and little dude
        Everyone else scared
        Went in like room for one person to wall comfortable between Giant baskets
        Of shitloads of different fish as far as could see and rows and rows
        Dudes carrying buckets and coolers ice
        Weaving around people on n this one lane
        It was fucking chaos mom and pop sellers i loved it
        Im supposed to be There it felt great
        Just pure fucking business Going on
        Didnt know i was gonna be getting the life altering shit today


  24. The pichy boys on CH, omg it’s a dream come through, cause if it’s here, it’s cool. check out their harry potter parody, it’s in spanish, but basically the gnome is asking to borrow money, but I’ve digress, boomer shave club is my vote.


  25. As an honorable mention in the retiring Alpha category, I recommend my dear friend Kim, currently in his mid 70’s, whom I have known for the last 25 years. Even into his mid to late 60’s, he would consistently bang hot women thirty years younger than him. Occasionally, he would even bed an attractive woman in her 20’s.

    On one occasion about 15 years ago, he was dating (and banging) a late 20’s solid 8. Amazed and impressed, I asked him what he found to talk about with a woman who was literally two generations younger than him. He looked at me as if I were a space alien and said, “George…..I’m 60. I’m DONE talking”.

    Total shitlord.


    • Great line. 😉


    • “George…..I’m 60. I’m DONE talking”.

      Which reminds me of the old joke:

      Old man goes to a doctor, sez:

      Man: “Doc, I’m having trouble hearing.”

      Doc: “How old are you?”

      Man: “I’m 62.”

      Doc waves disparaging hand: “Aw, you’ve heard enough.”


  26. Looks to me like she’s trimming his crack hair.


  27. on February 15, 2019 at 8:08 am | Reply Rob in Florida

    I’ll have to go with the aspiring Alpha kid. The old Florida man is definitely gonna get some young trim… but unsure if he paid for it… which is beta af.


  28. A dog missing his front legs can still lick his balls…whereas if I were to lose my arms, I would be up sh!ets creek, so I’m going with the dog.


    • I’d make a cool custom front-end chariot for that po’ hound… his little legs must get tired.

      Maybe make him a little Roman helmet to go with it. 😉


  29. I vote for the dog. Talking about alphas, here is Florianus “”Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here (in Pompeii). The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.”” No shame in ancient Rome to display ones testosterone. Men aof the Legions, did not used Gillette.


  30. I vote for myself. Why? I don’t believe in democracy—screw the whole voting thing. Also, I am superior to all of the candidates. I will tell you why—not by describing any of my successes, but with the story of one of my failures. Any man can brag about his successes; but if a man can be impressive in failure, then at the very least he deserves a coveted blog-trophy.

    I put this in the form of a question, because I’m actually here to learn something. Feel free to criticize. Take your best shot. I need to hone my methods. The next time I try to convert a liberal girl to my worldview, I intend to succeed.

    Yes, liberal. This concerns a serious relationship that I recently had with a self-described “Progressive”. Based on my unapologetic racialist worldview, plus the fact that I accord Adolf Hitler his proper place in history with Caesar and Napoleon, she nicknamed me “the Nazi guy”, no matter how I tried to correct her. No, really, she was a liberal: She cried on my shoulder for hours the night that Trump was elected. I’m not sure whether this means that Trump is worse than Hitler, or she instinctively rejected an Ersatzführer for the real thing.

    It should go without saying that she delighted in finding new ways to bodily submit herself to me. But this was a serious relationship. I don’t go for casual sex. I like sex—actually, I have an outright libertine streak; and in theory, I would have no moral objections to screwing every pretty woman I could. As a practical matter, however, the cost of casual sex is more than the benefit: Fleeting pleasure, versus risk of disease, false accusations, etc., etc. Thus, much though I love sex in and of itself, I focus on its usefulness for my posterity: A new dynasty must succeed me when I leave this earth.

    Within the first few weeks of our relationship, I made it known to her that her so-called “Nazi guy” wanted to grow his seed inside her. The idea simultaneously terrified, repulsed, and aroused her—just like everything else about me, but to an extreme. I persistently kept the idea at the forefront of her mind, and not only via Very Serious Talk. I habitually reminded her in the sexual afterglow that her womb was suffused with live pieces of me, whilst I rubbed her belly or drew my fingertips in a seductive caress from her crotch to her navel. Although she was adamantly, downright religiously on birth control, the effect on her was—exquisite.

    Through intensive effort, patience, and sheer force of personality, I slowly started to sway her beliefs, inch by inch. It is a matter of religious preaching, not logical argumentation: For liberalism of all stripes is a godless religion, based on faith in a mystical equality that does not exist in the observed world. What rises not from facts and logic, cannot be changed by facts and logic. It can only be changed by an epiphany—a thing caused by moral and emotional force.

    The issue where I had the most success was as to the relations between men and women. Of course, there I had an exemplary advantage for swaying her feelings: I am a man, I treated her as a woman, and she liked it. Race was a tougher issue; but I have the patience of a saint, and I persisted.

    This all lasted until I told her point-blank that Hitler should have done what he was falsely accused of. Way too much, way too soon. A fortnight thereafter, she very pointedly cheated on me and dumped me in a manner that could not but have been calculated for maximal public humiliation. She told me that she had decided she must get away from me, and that was the only way she could do it—she knew that if she tried to simply leave me, then she would promptly return. Yes, she said this—plus something about “losing [herself]”. I think at that point, it may have dawned on her that given enough time, I would eventually convert her all the way to wanting total annihilation of the Jews.

    After the big blow-up, she moved at lightning speed into a serious relationship with her “fling”, whom she barely knew. At that point, the influence I had previously exerted on her backfired all the way: I think she deliberately threw herself as deeply as she could under the influence of another man, so as to cancel my influence. It worked—to his benefit, the lucky bastard. Well, so much for feminism and a woman’s “agency”.

    Interestingly, as far as I could tell, the lucky bastard is a mushy center-right cuckservative—and a Trump voter, just one of the (R) Trump voters who applauds when Trump condemns “racism”. Not a liberal. I ruined her for liberal boys.

    I probably made the mistake I did because a few months before, she had only dumped me for a few days when I openly praised Timothy McVeigh. (Note: I do not advocate strategically foolish action, or even “imminent lawless action”. I do absolutely reserve my right to express my moral judgments about historical personages and events. My approval of McVeigh is to me no different than my admiration for Leo Schlageter. Or William Tell.) Huge fights were a periodic regular event, and always resulted in her coming closer to me afterwards—becoming not only hotter, but more intimate. The McVeigh episode was one of our worst fights. I scared the daylights out of her, and she ran away. It concluded with her floating talk about living together. Also, orgasms. It is really too bad that she later figured out the one way she could stay gone.

    [To be continued…]


    • To not leave readers hanging: There is a second part that’s now been in m0d for the past two hours. It probably got stuck there because I tried to post it too rapidly, less than 60 seconds after the first part.

      For those who missed it, this came up in a discussion the day before yesterday, re a Glamour article about “hooking up” with Trump men, archive link below (h/t “traitors first”). Well, hey, a serious relationship with the “Nazi guy” is even better! Then I saw the AOTM, and couldn’t resist sticking it here. It took a long time to whittle the story down to only two parts.

      https: //