Death By Tree

The modest Lion of the Blogosphere tirelessly works to alert the citizenry to the threat of death by cow, but there is another evil that lurks in our nation’s parks and quiet retreats: death by tree.

This is not the first time a rogue tree has snuffed out a life. Four years ago, a woman was killed and a man put into a coma by falling tree limbs. Three years ago, a man walking through Central Park minding his own business was taken out by a psychopathic tree limb. Witnesses heard someone yelling “This is for Treevon”, which news outlets were slow to divulge.

The number of casualties and severity of the crimes tell the story: Trees are more dangerous than cows.

My suggestion is to remove your headphones when walking through areas known to be populated by aggressive, killer trees with low future time orientation. You need to be aware of your surroundings so that you can move out of the way when you hear the crack of a giant limb about to hurtle to the ground. Another suggestion is to reduce immigration of less competent people.

Delligatti and other people who live nearby told Fox 5 they were not surprised by the falling tree. They say many of the trees in Kissena Park appear to be in bad condition.

“They need another program where competent people, tree people, [sic] to come around and assess which trees should be taken down, because it’s a mess,” said Delligatti.

The demographic future of America is on track to be comprised of many more incompetent people than we have now, so expect these sorts of “mishaps” to occur more regularly. It’s time to plan your daily life around the reality that there is a big, intrusive government which claims it will take care of you but actually does a bad job of taking care of you.





Comments


  1. I blame global warming. We need single payer tree surgery.

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  2. If we didn’t have these Stay The Ground laws, these trees would not be allowed to have their roots leave the ground to fall on people!

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  3. on August 5, 2013 at 9:55 am Dan Fletcher

    All this talk isn’t going to help. We need to get to the root of the problem.

    I’ll see myself out.

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  4. “Witnesses heard someone yelling “This is for Treevon”, which news outlets were slow to divulge.”

    They will pay for this treechery. One hopes.

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  5. It’s been my experience that most trees’ bark is far worse than their bite.

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    • The demographic future of America is on track to be comprised of many more incompetent people than we have now, so expect these sorts of “mishaps” to occur more regularly.

      All seriousness aside, it’s ironic how lack of a certain (ahem) competent/diligent cadre of people continues to affect society.

      About 5 years ago, I began my own warnings, to any who would listen, about how the future bodes ill in re maintenance and upkeep of everything from our autos to bridges to planes, etc., etc., etc.

      And now we see yet another ugly manifestation of “people can’t keep their shit together”.

      The center cannot hold, indeed.

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      • on August 5, 2013 at 12:18 pm a person who reads this blog

        exactly what I said. I even had a letter to the editor published in my real name in the Miami herald.

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      • on August 5, 2013 at 2:52 pm Zombie Shane

        > “I even had a letter to the editor published in my real name in the Miami herald.”

        Bemoaning the problem in general, or specifically singling out dysgenics as the “root” cause?

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    • But don’t they just want fair treetment?

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  6. Looks like erectile dysfunction affects trees, as well.

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  7. If a tree falls on someone and no feminist is there to hear it, is it still the men’s fault?

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  8. My husband recently spent close to a $1,000 to have a tree taken down he deemed unsafe. My mom said, “Wouldn’t you have rather spent that money on something fun, like new clothes?”.

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    • Is your mom stupid?

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    • I had to fork over $2000 after that hurricane last year, even though I did most of the clearing work myself.

      I wasn’t feeling too grand thereafter.

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      • Brush clearing and tree surgery is some FUCKING DANGEROUS SHIT.

        After one of our hurricanes, some genius was out in his front yard, cutting debris with a chainsaw, when he accidentally took a big chunk out of his own leg.

        The paramedics rushed his ass to the hospital, where the Trauma Team looked at the wound, and said to themselves, “We can save that leg without amputating it.”

        Only the Trauma Team was WRONG in their estimation of the situation – the erstwhile genius bled out on the operating room table, and his corpse was bundled up and sent to the morgue.

        There was a reason that shit like felled trees [pinning people down on the ground] used to be staple of popular entertainment [Daniel Boone Show, Davy Crockett Show, Gunsmoke, Bonanza, etc]: Because back then*, the era of performing manual labor outdoors was still within the living memory of most Americans, and so the audience could freaking sympathize with the poor characters who died thusly.

        *Before the Frankfurt School instituted The Rural Purge:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rural_purge

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      • Right you are, friend…

        Alas, though, I was hoping for a little more acknowledgement of my meaty $2000/too grand jest… sigh.

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    • 1k$ to cut down a fucking tree?!?! i’d rather do it myself using an axe

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      • Why not? I suppose you have at least a 50% chance of it not falling on your house.

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      • If it’s near the electrical wires, you don’t want to mess with it yourself… even if you’re a pretty good lumberjack, knocking out the neighborhood’s power is FROWNED UPON in this establishment… and the electric company will change you for their time, the pirates.

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      • For a 70 foot pine 30 feet from your house? Get a professional crew with a crane.

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  9. Are you saying I should take necessary precautions when walking alone to avoid getting hit by falling tree branches?? If so, I denounce it and I call for a slutwalk …or treewalk?

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  10. I pine for the days when we didn’t have to worry about these things.

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  11. He died of natural causes.

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  12. Death resulting indirectly by the public use of head phones is eugenics at work.

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  13. I knew CH was going out on a limb with this thread… most godawful punning I’ve read in awhile.

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  14. Tree control, it’s Bush’s fault!

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    • Theoretically, birch control should work. But, government subsidies for saplings and big beeches keep renewing the species

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  15. on August 5, 2013 at 11:08 am gunslingergregi

    even the coons in the tree get killed sometimes when they fall

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  16. the woman was probably a vegetarian, and the poor tree was only trying to protect its own kind.

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  17. on August 5, 2013 at 12:17 pm a person who reads this blog

    I live in Miami and wrote a similar letter to the editor under my real name. We think alike, CH. The focus of my letter was recent events such as a bridge collapsing (and the “discovery” that none of the bridges are ever checked and they are wasting away from the saltwater). We are going to see this kind of thing happen more and more frequently. The scary world in which we live now. Collapsing bridges and roads, falling balconies, etc. The fiat money system is over. The government pigs took all the money for their do nothing jobs on the 28th floor. Nothing left to do real work…all the bridges were built 60 years ago.

    I just had to pay $500 because of driving through floodwaters the other day (killed battery and alternator)…had no way around it. Funny, my letter was prescient. That is $500 out of my pocket directly due to government incompetence. City of Miami and Dade County have collected billions in taxes, but 98% of it went to do-nothing politicos while there is no money to fix things like the fact that it floods MAJORLY every time it rains a little bit.

    This was not a hurricane BTW. It rained for 24 straight hours….ok…good bit of rain, but it’s not a 100-year event. It’s a weekly event in the summer and they should be able to do something about it.

    Little things like this add up.

    Miami has an above ground futuristic metromover system (built in 70s)…I guarantee you that one day it *will* fall from the track and kill 20 or 40 people. I just pray it’s not me or my family (I use it). Can you imagine the incompetence of the people who supposedly maintain and inspect it? lzozlzlzo. I guarantee you it does not actually get inspected. The thing is downright scary.

    “They don’t build it like they used to” is literally true. The latest scaM? they are making bought and paid for roads into toll roads…to suck up the last bit of fiat dollars before the dollar collapses.

    not even saying they are intentionally doing this…99.5% of people are just clueless as to what is coming.

    it’s is depressing to be an educated smart person.

    ignorance is bliss

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    • on August 5, 2013 at 5:10 pm Zombie Shane

      > “it’s is depressing to be an educated smart person.”

      I first started getting into demographics about ten years ago – reading guys like “Spengler” and Steve Sailer and Charles Murray and their ilk.

      Then I did a few quick back-of-the-envelope calculations about our demographic future, and the results were so horrifying that I had nightmares and insomnia for about six weeks.

      Finally I decided, “Well, somebody’s gonna survive the coming Troubles, so it might as well be me & mine.”

      Now there ain’t shit we can do for all the aging feminazi salt-n-pepper sisterhood spinsters, slowly going insane from Toxoplasma gondii, but those of us who haven’t lost our minds yet – who are still firmly grounded in reality -we damned-sure can be stockpiling ammunition and foodstuffs and potable water and antibiotics etc etc etc.

      PS: There used to be one and only one sci-fi plot which really terrified me [because it always seemed like exactly exactly the sort of thing that the typical university-nurtured elitist nihilist would try to do]:

      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114746/

      But now there is a second sci-fi plot which also sends a chill down my spine:

      http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3049575/posts

      If that solar flare had hit us, and if we had lost all modern agricultural equipment and all modern refrigeration units, then easily 5 billion or more people would be dead [of starvation] within about 120 days [if not dead much sooner than that from simple dehydration].

      Yeah, some farmers would survive, out in the middle of nowhere, and a handful of preppers might survive in the suburban areas, but they would be very few and very far between.

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      • Killing off 5 billion still, er, “leaves” 2 billion around, which is the world population of 1930. I think things got done back then too.

        If we lost 90% of the world population, we’d be back at 1750 or so. Tolerable, if tough. We could have another industrial revolution in the ruins.

        If we lost 97.5% of humanity, we’d be back at the population of 1 AD, 170 million that among other things had a Roman Empire and produced many famous men and things.

        If we lost 99.9% of the world population, we go back to 4000 BC or so. OK, that’s bad but there’d still be 7 million humans.

        https://www.census.gov/population/international/data/worldpop/table_history.php

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  18. Cultural identity trumps ideology: http://arstechnica.com/science/2013/08/public-divide-on-climate-change-right-wing-nature-or-human-nature/

    “Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the ‘average’ member of the opposite sex.” http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

    Preventing visceral racism: http://esr.ibiblio.org/?p=5001#more-5001

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    • The Ok cupid graphs/numbers are fascinating,

      men look at women and conclude most of them are average looking – which is what reality is; most women are neither ugly nor stunningly beautiful; they are average looking

      but women look at men and rate over 80% of them as UGLY

      they think over 80% of men are ugly???

      women are messed up in the head, really they are.

      they have a completely distorted perception of reality.

      The more I learn about women the more they dissapoint me so messed up in the head they are.

      over 80 % of men are ugly???

      Pardon my French but women are fucked up in the head.

      They probably see everything trough this distortion filter, which would explain why they nag and complain and bitch all the time

      they see things as far worse than they are thus are never satisfied

      They think over 80% of men are UGLY??? really???

      My God!! women are really fucked up creatures…

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      • Well, the men aren’t wearing makeup or spending hours primping in front of a mirror or experimenting with hundreds of selfies to find the perfect lighting/angle combination to make themselves look good. Whereas 98% of the women definitely are doing those things, and are still only pulling an “average” rating.

        Most people are fairly ugly. Seriously, make an account and scroll through the OKCupid userbase in your area; calling the average man on there “ugly” is a fair assessment; if anything, calling the women “average” is being generous, because OKCupid women are overwhelmingly desperate uggos and hamplanets who have fallen back on online dating as a last resort.

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    • That OK Cupid graph might be the funniest statistic ever made and explains so much (with SCIENCE). We of the 80% are also known as “betas”, by the way.

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  19. Alpha males always have the best wood. Having yours fall on the ground this way, is definitely a beta fail.

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  20. Back in the day we hung out with that tree.

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  21. OT

    But the blacks on the bus beatdown of the white kid story by CNN (cathedral chutzpah tweet) might warrant closer textual analysis, beyond noting that they scrubbed it of the racial angle (bus driver was black too btw).
    http://edition.cnn.com/2013/08/05/justice/florida-school-bus-beating/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

    1. Who got credit in the national edition? Phyllis George’s little girl. By 2nd hubby a governor. aristocracy of connections.

    2. the fists and feet rained down. they just rained down man. Like from… Passive voice. … ok, there it is, from three bigger, older youths.

    3. devoid of comment re the anti-snitching –really, anti law and order, anti telling the truth, anti any authority other than the rule of the jungle culture. So it goes unchallenged. Why isn’t there anything about intimidating a witness? Was that question even asked?

    4. “The attack took place July 9 in Pinellas County, Florida. But the horrific cell phone video — and the surveillance video — came out only recently.” Yeah right. First of all, again with the passive voice. It just came out. The video only came out recently. Second, where? What is that a secret?

    Look, it didn’t come from Pamela in NYC, or CNN at all.

    So who did it come from?

    ‘We, CNN, cathedral members, well, we’re not going to tell you who we got it from or how it’s been getting air on the intertubes for a few days (week?) in unclean bad thought type places. But we don’t want anyone continuing to say we are just totally whitewashing.’

    So this whole story is a limited hangout.

    5. Did Pam even have to make a phone call or send an email for this story? She just full on quoted her affiliate. Well, I guess that’s how it works in that biz, but give me a break, they couldn’t even throw a ‘joe schmoe in sarasota contributed to this story’? Pam’s the sole credit? Winner takes it all man. Winner takes it all.

    6. How did the kid get home? Where was he treated for his broke arm? How did he get there? Story just takes the driver’s word for it on the kid leaving. Fleet Street, esp. Daily Mail blows US reporting away. Did he not stick around for dispatch? No amberlamps? No cops? What happened? Did the perps get picked up? Arrests? Charges? Pleas? What?

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  22. OT but the florida bus beat down story might have warranted closer analysis of the story.

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  23. . . . tree people. . .

    Man, you’d think they’d want at least four or five people.

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  24. The demographic future of America is on track to be comprised of many more incompetent people than we have now, so expect these sorts of “mishaps” to occur more regularly

    I would suggest another far bigger example: driving accidents. be prepared for a hatestat and a hateforecast are coming, but as the composition of America’s population shifts towards a more vibrant one, all those “accidents” will be ever more common

    The focus of my letter was recent events such as a bridge collapsing (and the “discovery” that none of the bridges are ever checked and they are wasting away from the saltwater).

    Welcome to Brazil!!!! At least our white girls are the ho9ttest on Earth!

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    • Welcome to Brazil!!!! At least our white girls are the ho9ttest on Earth!

      Y’all are neck-and-neck with the former Soviet Union, but I do dig.

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  25. My mantra, repeated often but particularly in front of my environmentally obsessed friends, is:

    Nature is trying to KILL you! Behave accordingly.

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  26. on August 5, 2013 at 6:13 pm Exurban Curmudgeon

    This article should have come with a Treeger Alert.

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  27. on August 5, 2013 at 9:52 pm Oswald Spengler

    You have to really watch out for trees with darker wood like, for example, walnut or mahogany.

    Some of these trees will form gangs–mahogany mobs or walnut wolfpacks–and swarm attack their victims.

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  28. On the Oildrum about 6 years ago, I remember a good article explaining that the downslope will be like being in Costa Rica. No system operates above 99% reliability, and many only at 95%. This means the concatenation of functions for JiT and continual uptime in whatever business you are in cannot be maintained. So you have to have workarounds, options, including sitting and waiting and not getting stressed. How the apex consumer society will deal with this should be fun to watch. Funnily enough, I expect the IQ85 crowd to adapt quicker, because they have less far to fall, and fewer appearances to maintain.

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  29. The tree killed some Chink woman. What a loss to America. Where will we ever find a replacement? Oh and she was pregnant. Well that’s one way to prevent another anchor baby being born.

    Remember: trees are racist.

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  30. Killer trees are no joke. I narrowly avoided becoming part of a multi-car pile-up the other night when a tree randomly fell across all three lanes of the highway. It was a clear, calm night, and it must have just been that tree’s time to go. There was no warning at all, and had I been just a few seconds sooner it would have been me plowing headlong into the freshly downed mountain of wood.

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  31. I heard about the central park death years ago. He died because he had earphones on while listening to his iPhone. I’ve stopped listening to music while walking on the street since. You never know when an errant branch or thug is ready to get the drop on you. You should be paying more attention to your environment and not destroying your hearing.

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  32. All of the tree deaths in NYC are due to a poorly run, yokel-staffed forestry department. They should take the millions they pay in lawsuits over tree injuries and deaths and hire quality foresters from outside the city to inspect the trees and manage them appropriately. A well educated and trained forester can identify a dangerous tree well before it kills or hurts someone. Shame on the parks department. I’ve dealt with them before and they’re a confederacy of dunces and a blight on the city.

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  33. Durkon was afraid of trees before it was cool.

    http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0150.html

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