4 Harsh Truths About The Dating Market

Eric Barker, a guy CH has linked to several times over the years because of his outstanding work compiling data-rich studies into the workings of the sexual market, has a new article in The Week titled ‘The Science of Sex: 4 Harsh Truths About Dating and Mating’.

The four harsh truths he lists and thoroughly corroborates with links to scientific studies will be very familiar to regular CH readers, as they all vindicate a number of Heartistian field observations of the flesh and blood dating world where men and women collide in hopeful union.

1) Those things we say we hate actually make us more attracted to people.

When someone plays hot-cold, keeps you guessing, makes you constantly uncertain?

Yeah, that makes you even more attracted:

Participants in the uncertain condition were most attracted to the men — even more attracted than were participants who were told that the men liked them a lot. Uncertain participants reported thinking about the men the most, and this increased their attraction toward the men.

Never listen to what a woman says; watch what she does. You ever wonder why women complain about equivocal men, when you yourself and every man you know are niceguys who never lead women on or play head games with women? Wonder no more. Women complain about these kinds of men because these are the men women choose to date and screw. They’re like children who complain about the sugar rush from eating lots of candy.

2) Yes, guys are pretty shallow.

The stereotypes are true: men want sex more than women and, yeah, guys are more likely to hit on girls with big boobs.

Men dig beauty.
Chicks dig power.
The rest is hamster nibbles.

3) Women can be quite dastardly too.

The science of sex tells us that the romantic comedies lie. Sex is an area where nice guys do finish last:

In one survey of men, Trapnell and Meston (1996) found that nice guys who were modest, agreeable, and unselfish were disadvantaged in sexual relationships. Men who were manipulative, arrogant, calculating, and sly were more sexually active and had a greater variety of sexual experiences and a greater number of sex partners. [Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy]

Women are very often attracted to bad boys like James Bond. In fact, research shows young women sometimes prefer out-and-out jerks:

In the end, young women may continue to claim that they find certain qualities in a “good guy” nice guy as highly desirable and that they want to be in a committed relationship with one man as their ultimate goal, but, at the same time, they seem content to spend “the meantime and in-between-time” going out with fun/sexy guys who may or may not turn into “jerks.”

For every Ray Rice who knocks a loving wife out, there’s a loving wife who chose to be with a Ray Rice. It takes two to tango. Someone tell that to Rod Dreher and Ross Douthat.

4) Little of the above will be changing anytime soon.

This is the science of sex, not the culture of it. Most, if not all, of these things are true around the world.

In a study of over 1000 participants in three dozen cultures it was consistently found that men are focused on looks and women on status:

Several standard sex differences replicated across cultures, including women’s greater valuation of social status and men’s greater valuation of physical attractiveness. [Personality and Individual Differences]

But we grow out of it, right? Nope.

Our tastes do not mature as we get older:

Findings suggest that although emerging adults believe that their peers’ mating desires change systematically over time, emerging adults’ self-reported mating desires vary little with age.

Unlike most other human attributes, the sexual preferences of men and women are remarkably uniform across the earth. Which makes sense. The sexual market is the one market to rule them all.

And we pretty much want the same thing throughout our lives, which must cause an amazing amount of pain for aging feminist beauties who are no longer able to cash in their prize assets for their hearts’ desire.

To recap:

Women say one thing but do another.

Male ambiguity, coyness, overconfidence and entitlement are sexy.

Men value female looks far above all other considerations.

Women value male social status above male looks.

Niceguys finish last.

Sexual desire is immutable.


  1. […] 4 Harsh Truths About The Dating Market […]


  2. The idea of “dating” a woman is so laughable to me now. There’s this implication that she has something to offer me that I have to “earn” through courtship. When in reality the only thing she can offer is the same thing that Pedro the street hood took 12 minutes ago in a Chinatown back alley. lol dates

    Liked by 1 person

    • absolutely agree w/ cryo. I happened to stumble across this site and others like it back in 09 after being a beta with my first (and last gf, I’m 23 now) and man, has my life changed. I’ve been with a few chicks here and there over the years and as I’ve watched the narcissism and princess mentality double or even triple, especially here at college (in Cali if that helps). never will I again pursue a relationship or date of any kind….

      pump and dump is about as much effort I’d put into any woman these days


    • I am basically paying for what *I* am doing…she is an accessory. At this point, I’d rather take someone who is half my age because at least they appreciate the gestures, unlike these 27-3x hags who expect you to pay for the fact that the universe didn’t do them the favor of conforming itself to their princess wishes


    • Well obviously, if you want NSA sex. Dating is a waste of time.


      • All sex is NSA in the modern world, the relationship wrapper is just a smokescreen that women and some men really have no respect for. You can call it what you want, but she’ll still leave at the first whiff of the bigger better deal.


      • As opposed to CIA sex?


      • yes yes Amy keep in the mindset of “If all you want is casual sex…. blah blah blah”

        Here’s a question Amy… have you ever had NSA sex? If so why? (warm up the hamster!)
        Don’t need to answer… it’s rhetorical really.

        Most Females have NSA sex. Why on earth would a man want to be the guy who “earns it” through a long courtship? Rather why not be the man that realizes that he can get NSA sex NOW?

        You see that’s the “Well obviously” why not be THAT guy and not the beta chump?

        NEVER EVER can we take any statement, made by a female, regarding sex/relationships seriously. Because it’s all an effort to hide the truth of how feral nature of all females.


      • on September 16, 2014 at 4:48 am Pijama Wearing Ninja

        @cyro, what’s ironic is that I’d like a relationship with a woman, but simply relationships aren’t worth it nowadays. I agree with your desciprtion of modern relationships: a smokescreen nobody has any respect for.


      • Wow, I feel sorry for some of you. I really do.


      • Oops that was me


      • Amy, you’re entertaining. Would you want to be a SAHM? Or are you committed to leaning in?


    • on September 15, 2014 at 2:50 pm Laguna Beach Fogey

      Pedro the street hood took 12 minutes ago in a Chinatown back alley

      Are you saying you just got a blowjob from Pedro in a back alley?


      • It wasn’t Thwack? Shocked…


      • I don’t understand the pedro/alley bit either. That being said, I have never done the ‘date’ thing. Go places and do things together, if you must, AFTER you’ve banged. It’s fucking retarded to put all that effort up front. You wouldn’t give a restaurant money for two weeks hoping that they will eventually give you a meal. Get the chic to your place as quickly as possible. From here you will know if she is going to be relationship chic or casual sex chic.


      • Actually Fogey, the use of the word “took” indicates that Pedro received the blowjob. Did he swallow is the pertinent question.


      • JohnD- what are you looking to determine by bringing her to your place? If she has sex with you right away, does that mean she’s casual sex? If she won’t does that mean she is a relationship chick? Or are you having sex with her to see if it is good sex, then deciding whether or not she is relationship material? I’m confused as to what the determining factor is in that scenario.


      • @Sam- It’s a version of what commenters here call ‘day game.’ Just get her to your house asap. Almost any excuse or pretense will do. It’s the boldest of moves, I don’t care what people here think of it. If she comes over, you are in control. Let her bring her friend (chic only, if you want to keep it as easy as possible) if she wants to. It doesn’t matter. As to when you are going to bang or whatever, that is up to you. This is the most basic of advice, but typing on the phone sucks. I will try to give better examples in future replies or posts.


    • Why do you care so much about Pedro the street hood?

      Pedro the street hood can get his candy by stealing from the 7-11, too. Does that mean I need to steal candy rather than pay for it? The reality is that Pedro is a stupid fuck and by imitating him, I’m just ensuring that I will also be a stupid fuck.

      It’s just trading one line of dogma (you have to go on dates to score pussy) for another (you can never go on dates because these bitches fucked at least one guy one time outside that context).


      • Usually you’re on point Scray, but I can’t follow your logic here. If sex is offered freely to some men outside the bounds of a relationshit, then that cheapens the whole dating process. It’s not that I care about Pedro, it’s that I won’t be a chump in light of what I know about female nature.


      • Let me start by saying I agree with you — you don’t have to go on a date to get sex. You seem like the kind of guy who disapproves of where society is going and would prefer a society where “dating” was “less cheap.” If that’s true, then “I’m not gonna be a chump,” at a certain point, turns into another limiting belief.

        Once you have the ability — and you do — to get sex without dating, what’s the harm in just doing what you want to do? If you like old-fashioned courtship, are you a chump for creating that reality? No way. You’re living life on your terms.

        So yeah, returning to Pedro stealing candy. It’s nice to know I can steal the candy from 7-11…that doesn’t mean I have to, or that I want to, or that I’m a chump for not stealing candy. That’s all.

        That said, if I’m wrong about you and you don’t give a shit then nevermind lol.


    • @cryo agree “Dating” is something betas do. Hanging out, drinks, cocktails, spending time—all those are words I use.

      Oddly enough, girls respond one way to guys who “date” and another to guys who game them.

      It’s funny that women act bitchy and guys respond. I don’t act like a dick to girls but I am firm and employ amused mastery much more effectively. Amused mastery by game-savvy guys is to girls what bitching and complaining by princesses is to betas–an effective motivator.

      I now have a “rotation”…i’m banging 4 girls all below 30 and all from different socio-economic backgrounds: professional bondage queen, two sweet nannies and now the free-spirited bohemian theatre student. I talk directly to them about fucking their brains out. In every case it’s rough and dirty. Then we hang out and have drinks and chill. They love that contrast and it helps to draw the line about what these relationships are for both of us.

      None of these girls has asked me about “other girls”. It’s like they “get it”. I’m sure if I made some overtures of exclusivity they would immediately launch into princess role.


      • @ walawala: re your rotation etc: Well done. Your progress is inspiring.


      • @lazy guy

        Having a rotation or “Soft harem” gives me the confidence not to waste time with a girl who isn’t giving me full attention. In this case there is no need to be angry if I get flaked on or get attitude.

        I over-reacted to my crazy ex gf’s moodiness because I didn’t have other options so her presence in my life mattered a lot.

        Now flakes and bitchiness matter less to me. Rather than pushing back on shit-tests I just pull-back. Eventually someone will come forward with an idea for an activity—which leads to banging. I’ve never had anything like this up to now. I’m much calmer now as well.


  3. on September 15, 2014 at 1:26 pm The Man Who Was . . .

    Sexual desire is immutable.


    It is important to note that there are some human traits that pretty much fixed, like IQ and what people find sexually attractive.

    However, there are others, like religiosity and male attractiveness, that can actually be changed, either by your social environment or by self-willed improvement.

    It all depends on the trait.


  4. > “When someone plays hot-cold, keeps you guessing, makes you constantly uncertain” NOPE. Moment bitch starts playing games, I’m gone. I only dig chicks who dig me. Natural chemistry or adios.


    • Zombie Shane: “I only dig chicks who dig me. Natural chemistry or adios.”

      Absolutely. An awful lot of wisdom in that, Shane. For the really young guys who are just starting out, they can either accept the truth of this, or they can suffer quite a bit in the school of hard knocks. Their choice, but if they make the wrong one, they are in for a world of hurt.

      I’ll also say this, as I don’t typically see it discussed: there is a very real but subtle downside to “successful” game. Some guys in effect become victims of their own success. By this I mean, they are able to open up relationships with fundamentally incompatible women. They are able to generate at least some chemistry where otherwise there would be little or none.

      That’s fine if all a man wants is a pump and dump, but woe unto him if he gets emotionally attached to an incompatible girl. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Somebody’s going to pay the price, and it’s probably going to be him.

      So don’t forget, guys. No matter how good you get, no matter the number of points that you rack up, you’d better be certain that the girl you fall for (and almost all guys, short of psychopaths, eventually fall for somebody) is genuinely into you as well. Whatever use game may have, and it clearly has many, when it comes to a serious emotional investment, you’d better not rely on it to heavily. In that context it’s best viewed as an enhancer, not a game changer.


      • Well said.
        Relationship game is quite a different beast.
        If the dynamic is that she is calling most or all of the shots/play; it not unlike a man being in “the trenches” and the woman lobbing emotional hand grenades in his direction at will.
        In relationship game, the state, law and society (the feminine imperative) in general are on HER side.
        Rollo Tomassi over at The Rational Male has touched on this numerous times.


      • yup. you give them enough cocky/funny/aloof stuff and they will eventually try to wreck your life.

        It’s better to be nice and if she is nice in return, you have a keeper- if you are looking for a real LTR


  5. LOL Amazing. Homeless Millennial Survives By Picking Up Women Every Night


  6. Hey guys. Any tips on relationship gaming a pregnant two years girlfriend? Just found out I did put a bun in her oven after all…

    Which maxims still apply during pregnancy?


    • Sorry to break the bad news, but she hasn’t been pregnant for two years. She’s just fat and lying to you. Dump her.


    • Every shitstorm is her reptilian brainstem wanting you to prove that you are ALPHA, and that she is not carrying the child of a BETA. Do not back down.


    • Here’s a guess…

      Preggers Maxim #1: Don’t share the same roof with a woman.
      Preggers Maxim #2: Don’t pay child support except by court order with documentation. Get terms all nice and legal.
      Preggers Maxim #3: Your way or go away.
      Preggers Maxim #4: If she dials 911, leave and never look back.
      Preggers Maxim #5: Don’t get cuckolded.

      I say that shit without knowing what its like to try to do it. Not legal advice. We all believe, if you give up options alternative to her, she eats you 9 out of 10 times with gov hubby. You might have more influence by staying away until child is old enough to see mom is incompetent bimbo (and aren’t they all?) If your baby moma does not respect you, neither will (or should) your children. You don’t need gov-defined marriage to raise a kid: it’s a detriment now. You need respect as the only cultural being with a biological inclination and the mental talent for societal relationships. Use the courts to set the price, even if using the system is what the shit elite want. Document everything you spend. If she is not accountable to you for everything she spends, and I don’t care where she got it, leave. Fuck her friends. If she is happy with you, she loathes you–and roughly vice versa. Yah, Murica is that fucked up. The purported advice just described in this text is even worse, all wrong, just a joke, I am not credentialed at all, your life is your life. Best of luck. I know nothing but the fact of my ignorance and women’s stupidity. May the hormones be with you.

      I assume you are aware of what Tom Leykis would do and don’t want to do that. Having children can be a beautiful thing.


    • i saw the word ‘pregnant’ and just knew there’d be 4 or 5 zombie responses beneath it.


    • Everything should be way easier……

      she’s pregnant. where is she going lol


    • Don Perricone: “Any tips on relationship gaming a pregnant two years girlfriend?”

      Dread. Just let her know, if she ain’t back to her pre pregnancy bod by three months post partum, she’s gettin’ nexted.


    • seriously, this is page one out of the “psycho chick playbook.” I got this one run on me a few years ago by the blonde ex Banana Republic print model. I obviously refused to believe it; she said she had an abortion and txt’d me a copy of a sonogram. Insists to this day it was real.

      I have pretty kids; would have been another one. But that shit was a catastrophe waiting to happen…bothers me sometimes the ethical quandary.


  7. on September 15, 2014 at 2:46 pm gunslingergregi

    on that note
    I went and got the plot and the headstone for little gregi greg
    I realize just how fucking original I am at moments like these but hey
    i’m a born romantic gotta do what I do
    but yea I got emotional for first time thinking about it
    when I talked about getting the plot at the cemetery
    of course the price went from 600 to 200 when I left and said i’m getting emotional
    always getting the me discount
    even at the most fucked up times
    guess there are three babies in there but i’ll be the first
    to do it for a miscarriage just hope there ain’t 5 more
    they can put put photographs on stones now with laser
    thanks white man technology 🙂
    putting pick of me and my girl
    guess burying our love there too maybe to
    be reignited one day in heaven
    nice guy stuff?
    apparently no human around here ever did it
    so new category


    • on September 15, 2014 at 2:54 pm gunslingergregi

      then talked with guy at the headstone place for like 4 hours
      was in Vietnam
      surprised though ain’t gonna be ready till mid November December
      no discount from dude guess only chicks give me free shit today lol


      • on September 15, 2014 at 3:03 pm gunslingergregi

        question for the chicks what you think
        should I tell her bout it now and ask to put her photo on there
        or should I just surprise her with finished product when done
        course if I get shot stabbed or fucked up between now and then she would never know about it


      • on September 15, 2014 at 4:17 pm gunslingergregi

        no that is wrong he gave me 7 percent discount but not the 2/3’s off he he he


  8. Being a bad boy seems pretty difficult to do without faking it. The thing about saying women like men like James Bond is that James Bond is fake. Maybe some guy out there is actually like him but that is doubtful. So what to do then? Most people probably don’t have interests that make them bad boys. Buying motorcycles or maybe a cool leather jacket is kind of weak, and unless you actually care about whatever you bought it is probably more a burden. So I am interested to hear how the average guy with a white collar job pulls this off.


    • on September 15, 2014 at 2:57 pm gunslingergregi

      its really all about being willing to kill if someone crosses the lines you have drawn in your mind
      that simple


      • Spoken like a bad ass! /no sarc

        That sums things up … but the problem is, in this milieu, which is to say modern civilized life, for example suburban America but most other places that people are writing from but certainly not all of them, the problem is no one is put to the test.

        The self-doubt that comes from that is what explains everyone’s bullshit attitude. Everyone striving all the time, looking to put someone down, sensible people knowing that it is best to avoid trouble.


      • “its really all about being willing to kill if someone crosses the lines you have drawn in your mind
        that simple”

        Gregi gets it. You can be a regular guy and internalize this creed– and know that you will act on it.

        Like rock-solid inner game, if genuine, people will pick up on this attitude.


    • Good question. Some of it you are born with. Some of it is squeezed out of you – like my femicunt mother and older sisters did with me.

      But the spirit prevails.

      Cultivate your antisocial personality. Test how much you can get away with. Go wander around a gay community if you want to get an idea – those guys act how they feel like, and they have actual physical fear of being attacked for their homosexuality.

      There’s a world of rule breakers out there, and the rest of us stupidly box ourselves in.


      • I like the idea of testing what you can get away with. Also, it is interesting that you mentioned the gay community. My best friend, came out as gay our freshman year of undergrad. He was gay but he really had a way with women. He had this super hot, Iranian professor’s daughter constantly stalking him and trying to get revenge, and he slept with some wealthy Jewish politician/business man’s daughter the first month we were there. I once asked him how he did it and he never explained it to me besides saying that there is no formula. He wound up going to Johns Hopkins med and has been in a steady relationship with this crazy gay guy but he never acted gay around me. To this day I can’t explain how he did it but to me he did seem extremely aggressive about getting what he wanted out of people.


      • > “extremely aggressive about getting what he wanted” CLASSIC SOCIOPATH. https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/02/04/psychopath-game/


      • Actually, that’s very true. Well said.


      • “Cultivate your antisocial personality.”

        As general advice, that makes no sense at all. Of course context is everything and often that is the best way to go. I was at a birthday party yesterday, a family affair, and the women start to get into their hysterical yappering insanity. Come time for cake, this one old guy, wealthy and grim with wrists like 2×4’s, took his slice of barbie doll birthday cake into the dimly lit dining room, to sit alone with some peace and quiet. So i followed him in there to ask what he was doing. (Kidding.) I took my piece of cake into another corner, and then left, without saying good-bye.


      • Sociopaths and narcissists aren’t social retards or “anti-social.” They are masters of self-perception and image projection. There’s a reason why Charles Manson is who he is and the average douche standing on death row “anti-socialing” is who he is.

        No one wants to hear it, but you have to learn the social rules first. Then you can start playing around those edges. Sociopaths learned the rules a long time ago and have been building on them for years. Neophyte gamers? Nah.

        The same goes for “gays.” Gay guys are well-balanced; they bring X amount of value to a group or interaction and act in accord with that value. It’s pretty uncanny, actually.

        Step 1 — learn the rules
        Step 2 — learn how to add value
        Step 3 — learn the interaction between step 1 and 2
        Step 4 — ????
        Step 5 — profit


      • Outstanding comment by Scray but mastery of social rules is merely a TOOL; tools can be used for evil or for good; each tool per se exists in vacuum; morality deals with Man’s use of the tool.


    • on September 15, 2014 at 3:42 pm gunslingergregi

      letting the tears of husbands and fiancés pile up like cordwood kind of helps put it in perspective


    • on September 15, 2014 at 3:44 pm gunslingergregi

      is taking a bitch from her husband erasing his name on her
      putting your name on her neck and face
      then sending her back to the world when you don’t want to deal with her right now


      • on September 15, 2014 at 3:48 pm gunslingergregi

        when husband calls you telling you her and him fighting over you
        and tells you that she telling him all the shit you do together
        and all the other girls are saying the same thing
        and you tell him it is none of his fucking business what me and my bitch do you might be a bad boy


      • on September 15, 2014 at 3:50 pm gunslingergregi

        when dudes refuse to let there bitch come to your house alone
        you might be a bad boy
        he he he


      • on September 15, 2014 at 3:52 pm gunslingergregi

        when you drop a bitch off and dude is running towards the car with a look of relief on his face that you didn’t decide to keep her
        you might be a bad boy


    • This is a good post. I am looking for new wheels, and have a line on a 2004 Toyota at a price, but know in my heart that that is a mistake and that i should get either a bike or a truck.

      But if all that is just salad dressing then it doesn’t matter because what really matters is, does one have respect for one’s own self. Respect is earned in the day to day but at my age it is too late. Respect is a lost cause, i would settle for fear, or redemption – but those are different things.

      What burns though is seeing lesser men with more confidence and better success.


      • Suburban_elk: “Respect is earned in the day to day but at my age it is too late.”

        Fortunately, I don’t think that’s true. Don’t know how old you are, but there is no particular reason that self-respect can’t be earned at any particular age, especially among men. Achieving self-respect is a lifelong process, and it can be gained, lost and gained again. Sometimes multiple times. I don’t consider that feel good malarkey, but a simple statement of fact.

        You are never too young, or too old. We all participate, like it or not. Even a truly elderly man, suffering with pain and a terminal illness, can exhibit dignity and graciousness in his final days. He can die like a man, as opposed to a sniveling coward.

        The tough part may be to figure out what you need to do in the here and now in order to find and earn that self-respect. What you need to do to impress, not others, but yourself. Only you can figure out what it’s going to take in order to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and respect what you see. And you may find that what it takes today may be different than what counts tomorrow. Priorities and values change. Again, it’s a lifelong process.

        The bad news is that you can never rest on your laurels. The good news is that there is always a chance at redemption, or at least another shot. And it’s not all or nothing – some self-respect is far better than none.


      • “The bad news is that you can never rest on your laurels. The good news is that there is always a chance at redemption, or at least another shot.”

        Comments like that one are keepers.


      • on September 15, 2014 at 9:30 pm having a bad day


        “Respect is earned in the day to day but at my age it is too late.”

        these two ideas are logically inconsistent…it’s only too late if you’re in the box…lol…self-respect = do what you KNOW is the right thing to do, regardless of the fear you have or the fact that ONLY you will know you did whatever it was…that’s the key to self-respect…and it’s a brand-new fight every day…



        I think this is a fundamental way of being that fathers used to teach their sons, but the feminine imperative has effectively erased it from the knowledge of men…


    • First off, James Bond is not only a fictional character, he also isn’t the ‘Bad Boy’, he is, in fact, the Good Guy. Goldfinger, for example, would be the Bad Boy, and money & power aside, no women would ever find him attractive. The series got started as a sort of knee-jerk reaction to a spy scandal that shook Britain (and NATO) in the 1950’s.
      Second, you can be as Bad Boyish as you want, if you’re not her type (=height, looks, age, money, social status), you still lose.
      If women wanted risk-taking bad boys, they’d go for the skateboarder over the guy with the Porsche.
      Motorcycles are kind of passé, having become a kind of midlife crisis vehicle for balding men with ED, and most women I see riding bitch are nothing to get too excited about.
      The leather jacket’s ok if you live in a cooler climate and it’s properly aged and beat up.


      • Bond is more of an anti-hero. He’s basically a government assassin. He lives a hard, insular life and uses people as instruments to complete his objectives. Not your typical good guy, and definitely enough “bad boy” to get the job done.


      • on September 16, 2014 at 4:57 am Pijama Wearing Ninja

        Not sure how much age matters to women because they all have criteria for it, but they always seem to be breaking their own rules. It’s more like ‘a guy this age will have an easier time seducing me, but as long as you’re not my dad, it’s ok’. lol


      • A badboy past the age of 35 without money or a job is just a bum.


    • @Martin. Take some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. You’ll get in incredible shape, and since you don’t seem to have grown up a bad boy, nothing gives you the experiences of a tough bad boy than getting choked out and feeling what an arm bar feels like. Having someone 50 pounds lighter than you choking you out is quite an experience. It’s like fight club. Not until you actually get in there and mix it up with another man will you will have a hint of the bad boy experience. Don’t try it in the street. It’s too dangerous and stupid that way. In one year, you will walk differently and carry yourself differently.

      @gunslingergregi: You are white and live in the hood correct? What do you do for a living? How was growing up for you? Just curious.

      I can walk down the street and see 20 dudes, and only one of them has the swagger and look in the eyes of a bad boy. Betas don’t have to actually do bad shit to have the swagger, so it’s sad that they don’t take steps to acquire the fire and relaxed aggression under the surface to enjoy. When you grow up tough it’s like you’re walking down the street with a pitt bull inside of you.


      • on September 16, 2014 at 8:20 am gunslingergregi

        i was born unafraid of anything


      • on September 16, 2014 at 8:28 am gunslingergregi

        its not really the hood just a nice government created multicultural community full of drug dealers and users and a few normal people working and living life paying rent and mortgage in between


      • newlyaloof, not a bad idea except I might be a bit old to be trying martial arts for the first time at 26 yrs, like you said I guess it is just being willing to experience being beaten up. I would like the definition of bad boy to extent beyond the working class, physical contact ethos though. Like I have a master’s and a PhD which believe it or not most people think is weird so I have to somehow bring these disparate things together so that women don’t think I am just a wimp but also that coincides with my background. So that was why I asked, I wanted to see what other people have realistically done.


      • yeah I have a brown belt in that…was promised by black by my instructor by last October…mfer didn’t deliver so I left his shit too (plus he blew my ACL). I’ll get it at EOY from my friends in brazil or something.

        Don’t be anyone’s bitch.


      • LOL at 26 being too old, go for it.

        You don’t get “beat up” really but it will toughen you up.

        You can also get into competing, you might like it and there’s a whole scene based around that as well.


    • @Martin why do you want to cultivate a ‘bad boy” persona? Think about that. You will be better served by creating an interesting and authentic persona. As a white collar dude your path forward can be summed up in two words – honesty and passion.

      Follow your passion, it takes courage. Courage suppresses fear. Fear drives much beta behavior (scarcity mentality, in women and finances, b bu but what if x happens! always make the safe choices) and is doubly contemptible in the workplace, where it transforms into subservience and lackeying. Some shit sauce to go with your shit sandwich today Martin? That’s a good boy, swallow it down, and have that report on my desk Monday morning. It is corrosive to the soul to spend 50-60 hours a week at something you have no passion for and is making you mentally ill.

      Passion is universally attractive, to both sexes. I guy with mad passion = leader. Mystery: “lead the men and the women will follow”. Really doesn’t matter what the focus of the passion is.

      Second is honesty. Be honest, first with yourself, then with the world. When you are honest with yourself you draw lines. When you won’t cross a line, that shows courage. So speak up. In meetings, in social settings, with SWPL girls you find attractive. Don’t go along with “social norms”. Now this doesn’t mean you need to be a crass obnoxious blow hard (for the Aspie’s), you should be socially calibrated. But don’t just smile and nod when someone is saying something you don’t agree with. try this “Really? I don’t agree. Here is why”… This phrase can change your life, and often will change other’s lives as well. Guess what, speaking your mind in a socially calibrated way is courageous. Guys that speak up show passion…

      Taken together, following these two virtues, honesty and passion you become authentic. This does not mean that everyone will like you. Many will not. But it is undeniable that you are authentic. Being authentic aka “congruous” as @YaReally would say, is the cornerstone of unshakable frame. Which is a summary of Alpha, which is a train track to pussy paradise.

      So some practical suggestions for developing an interesting life:

      Stop living the “almost life”. Seek out real experiences you have genuine interest it, devote time and money to this.

      Develop social circles around those interests, and friendships with high level practitioners of that passion/interest.

      Dress how you want to dress

      Do something physical, not because others are doing it (treadmill) but because it gives you something to tap into, push yourself with and harden your body and mind.


      Be the guy well known at the chill high end lounges and the dive bars, pool halls.

      Talk to everyone you meet, on planes, buses, coffee shops, etc.

      Drink outside of social convention and never to excess…

      Take some risk.

      At work, speak your mind, respectfully and coolly. Take on a new project, seek opportunities to open new offices or territories. Stop solely focusing on pay and career path.

      Drive what you want to drive. Fuck the camry!

      Live where you want to live.

      Love who you want to love.

      Be overtly sexual and direct with women.

      I guarantee if you do these things, you will be damn interesting and have an abundance mentality that will drop panties in the four corners of the world.

      Good luck!


      • Dude, I’ve been reading your comments for awhile now. Rock solid stuff my friend. You’re in YaReally territory… Keep ’em coming. Much appreciated.


      • This was impressive. I was being somewhat sardonic about the bad boy thing but you saw right through that. It’s a rare skill to have the ability to cut through the nonsense. FWIW I work as a researcher for the government, so I don’t answer to slick salesmen types but I totally did entrap myself in only thinking about how to advance my career path and worrying about how I can jump through hoops to do so. It was really liberating to read this and reflect on that. Thanks, really.


    • The average guy with the white collar job isn’t going to turn himself into the bad boy who is always hooking up with female tens. If you read blogs like this, though, you can make improvements. You might get twenty per cent better with women and then get the female seven instead of the female five. It’s all about making marginal improvements. I was just looking at some old photos of the women my grandfathers married and they were more attractive than any female ever interested in me but those days of the girl wanting the white collar niceguy provider are long gone so you just have to adopt as much as you can.


  9. qq. Haven’t been to the gym in months and i got a bit fat. Should I not bother dating until I lose it, lest I repel someone who might otherwise like me? Or should I date anyway while I try and lose it?


    • FX, aren’t you 32 or 33? No time for dating. Get off of pill now. Spread legs upwards of 72 hrs prior to ovulation. Do you need Chateau seed?


      • You seriously entertained that question? How about this: j-curl or c-curl? (The one thing I wish I never learned from this blog.)


      • FeminaziFistingX is a cow-worshipping nihilist looking for a billionaire hedge-fund manager but she’s pushing her mid-30s. Fat or not, she needs to get knocked up NOW.


      • FeminaziFistingX … needs to get knocked up NOW.

        No. We need fewer aging feminist single moms, not more.


      • I’m not yet that age. But soon enough.

        So here’ s my story, and it’s a true story. I am a lady in my early 30s who wants to date and marry a guy who is the following:

        1) Tall- preferably 6’2″, but no less than 5’9″
        2) Rich- Preferably makes at least 500K a year (or is in a career path that will almost certainly garner him that much soon enough)
        3) ivy league educated- I will make concessions for someone who is smart enough to be ivy league educated
        4) alpha- at least alpha in bed.
        5) in decent shape
        6) will make a good father
        7) has a great cock- like definitely not too thin and must stay really hard for a while

        So, this list could go on, but I won’t bore you with more details.

        Anyway, I am kinda getting a little rotund, so I think that’s probably not wise given…well, given a lot of things. And to think- NYC has no shortage of model like broads. Hmmm. What should I do?

        Like I am not at all kidding about any of that.


      • Oh, and also I barely know how to cook anything.


      • Little spoon, the first thing to do is hit up the nearest country club and have all the men drop their pants and line up to have their girth measured. Then spread your legs for the ones who measure up and weed out the ones who aren’t alpha in bed. Then tell all of the short ones to go home. Make the remainders recite Shakespeare and solve advanced calculus problems. Then, finally, when there’s one man left standing, do your best to convince him that you aren’t an aging overweight Bindi scamp. Let us know how it goes.


      • Lol is this a trolololol….


      • little spoon is surely trolling


      • on September 16, 2014 at 2:40 am gunslingergregi

        well at least she knows what she wants that’s a start
        I guess easier for a man I just want a couple 18 year old virgins from good families with good personality who want to pop out my lineage


      • on September 16, 2014 at 3:06 am gunslingergregi

        I’ve was talking to this man and that man. None of them were like humans to me. Where they go to school. How tall. How much money per year. They were like numbers on a scoreboard. But you hear none of these descriptions about the one I love. None of that matters. His character is beautiful and inspiring and heroic. I don’t care what his SAT score was.


        cool blog I guess
        but wait
        you tried the lesbian thing and first came to blog
        at like 20 he he he

        and the buying power of 500k per year for bitches is close to limitless
        that Is 1724 mcdonalds chicks full time
        I mean shit do you know the value of money?


      • on September 16, 2014 at 5:07 am Pijama Wearing Ninja

        [email protected] spoon. We all have our desires. I’d like being bathed by the Victoria’s Secret models this evening too.


      • FistingX, “2) Rich” and “6) Good Father” mutually incompatible. Inevitably sacrifice either family or career. Cannot worship both God and Mammon. Nihilism or Fruitful Gnosticism – your choice.


      • Price of Zombie seed == children home-schooled in Red State fundamentalist RKBA compound. No cow-worshipping nihilism in our household whatsoever.


      • Hmmm. What should I do?

        Trying to find your way back into reality would be a start. And lose that weight.


      • > “Trying to find your way back into reality” Bun in oven & ‘wah wah wah’ 9 months later == JOLT OF LIGHTENING OUT OF BLUE to yank you back into reality.


      • FistingX, abandon anti-reality of Nihilism and embrace Fertile Gnosticism of experiencing experiences within reality, where reigns supreme experiencing the experience of MOTHERHOOD!


    • Little Spoon simply forgot to insert the sarcasm hash tags.


      • What woman writes ‘model like broads’?
        Male troll, methinks.
        Regardless, the list of requirements is actually pretty close to dead-on accurate.


    • Ummmm…

      This – ” I am kinda getting a little rotund”

      and this – “cock… must stay really hard for a while”

      are usually mutually exclusive…


      • Wha? Her wish list and self-description didn’t inspire diamond-hard wood?


        (definitely a homosexual and/or Sunstein shill… on second thought, scratch “or”)


  10. picked up a Venezuelan chick at the weekend, unbelievably beautiful, sexy body and great sex, not a single shit test thrown my way and she had the most wonderful feminine personality ever, would respond to my teases with giggling and ‘no, no its not true’

    such a breath of fresh air


  11. I rarely see my friend with the foreign wife, and when I do, I’m reminded how impressively ugly he is. He basically looks like the bastard child of comedian Ralphie May mixed with Shrek.

    I wrote so much about that guy that I realized it’s time to sit down and write the whole story down. The long and the short of it is that if you have a beta mindset and an alpha personality, you can move mountains, and even fuck a 15 year old girl with her mother’s approval.

    I don’t know whether to turn it into a novel or a biography, but I’m not going to do all that writing for free. Stay tuned!


  12. Truth manifests in its magnificent fugliness!!!


  13. Homeless guy survives by picking up women every night



  14. CH forgot the fifth rule:

    Ladies are not going to permit any bumps on the carousel. In fact any little “inconveniences” will be bloodily dispatched, as this heartwarming Slate article on being an Abortion doula (how they love their new age tripe) outlines:


    Sometimes I wonder if western civ is worth preserving


  15. Sex is the basic impulse of the universe.


    • A bit more.

      The universe started with a “Big Bang”. The use of this phrase, though at the time it was coined was not thought through, is no accident. An orgasm of creation that has lasted for more then 13 billion years. It is now thought that this orgasmic expansion will never stop, though the sensation, as in a human orgasm, is lessening.

      From total darkness came creativity or light. Sex in its’ basic form is a pure function of creativity. Sex is the basic energy of our universe. Full Stop! We are born from sex. The strongest urge, mightier then hunger, is sex.

      Quit resisting!


  16. on September 15, 2014 at 10:41 pm Abelard Lindsey

    I never thought of James Bond as a “bad boy”.


    • It’s easy to be the “bad boy” when you’re allowed to kill with impunity.

      Real life spy game is more like Richard Burton in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold… although admittedly, he got the woman too.


  17. Copied from a post over at The Rational Male.

    “Its always the most beautiful ones that end up alone.
    The beauty breeds social dysfunction, then the beauty fades, the dysfunction doesn’t.”


  18. Why is “male coyness” in the recap? Nothing in the post supports that.


  19. Check out this profile on Al Pacino


    The conversation turned to Diane Keaton’s bittersweet second memoir, “Let’s Just Say It Wasn’t Pretty,” which had been published the week before and in which she discussed “the lure of Al.” “His face, his nose, and what about
    those eyes?” Keaton wrote. “I kept trying to figure out what I could do to
    make them mine. They never were. . . . For the next twenty years I kept
    losing a man I never had.” Sola expounded on the astuteness of Keaton’s observation. “Al has this ephemeral, childlike quality about him,” she told me. “His friend Charlie used to say he’s like smoke. He’s there, but he’s
    not there. That’s maybe what drove the women crazy. You want to catch him,
    but you can’t because Al is—”


  20. @Martin: never too old. I started practicing at 40. I knew that going to a “real” gym would be a hassle since I’d probably be out half the time recovering since they want to do hour warmups and roll forever. So, I found a few people that already knew it and we rolled in garages and basements. Sure, ain’t as good as the paying gym, but you get the experience nonetheless. If you wanted to, you could find someone willing to train you. You’d probably see posters hanging up in similar places where you’ll see posters for math tutors. Just try it for a week and keep it on the down low. You don’t really want anybody knowing you know it anyhow.


  21. Here’s the Sixth Harsh Truth (TF MacManus had the Fifth above), one that never gets a mention around here:

    At the very bottom of the human male hierarchy are the 5% who are “omega males.” Guys who are the least sexually desirable males and therefore are the ones who are unable to find a women for a healthy normal relationship because their desirability is too low given the existence of less women than men (there are about 105 males born for every 100 females – and yes, I know about prison and the military. Doesn’t make up for it), their standards and hypergamy/ men marrying multiple women.

    Some numbers from the US census bureau as quoted by Leopard of the Internet: in 1970, non-Hispanic white people were much less likely to be in the never married category. In 1970, 6.9% of men aged 41-45 were never married, compared to 5.1% of women. This is not a very big difference, and can be entirely explained away if you believe that 2.6% of men are homosexual compared to only 1.1% for women.

    In 2006, 16.7% of men aged 41-45 were never married, compared to 10.6% of women. The unmarried gap has increased from 1.8 percentage points to 6.1 percentage points. This suggests to me that most omega males born between 1925 and 1930 were able to find wives. But omega males born between 1961 and 1976 wind up never being able to find a wife. In modern times, women would rather become the second trophy wife of an older alpha male or never
    marry at all, than settle for an omega male like me.

    Folks, there is huge pack of omega males with standards they can’t match who will be lonely and womanless their whole lives and who will crash and burn in the second half of their lives if they don’t accept their situation and try to get something else out of life beside a relationship with a MOTOS. That’s the real ‘red pill’ folks.

    The losers and the failures grow in number every year because they are not culled by nature. This will eventually play out negatively. No one cares about these guys and no one ever will. It’s the largest group of people that have ever been seen as pieces of human garbage by society.

    What’s needed: self-help and advice for the otherwise hopeless that recognizes and addresses that group of omegas who can’t or won’t do what is necessary and who need to look elsewhere, as best they can, for a fulfilling life. Like they used to say on Usenet: we’re losers, we’re failures…and we’re not going away. WE ARE OMEGA.


    • “In 2006, 16.7% of men aged 41-45 were never married, compared to 10.6% of women. The unmarried gap has increased from 1.8 percentage points to 6.1 percentage points. This suggests to me that most omega males born between 1925 and 1930 were able to find wives. But omega males born between 1961 and 1976 wind up never being able to find a wife”

      I don’t think that is necessarily the case, a lot of the men in the latter group chose not to get married, like me. I saw the shitty deal marriage was in the late 70s early 80s when the divorce machine was really beginning to crank up. Many of the men who didn’t get plowed by divorce, their wives turned into fat mouthy cunts or cheating whores thanks to feminism. It was really the later that made me shy away from marriage, at 48 I still have no regrets.

      As for you omegas, stop pedestalizing the pussy. Relationships with women these days is a huge pain in the ass for the most part and it really isn’t worth it just to have some steady gash. Go get yourself a hooker and get busy improving the more important things in your life.


  22. Is it true happiness in men is unattractive? Alphas seem a lot happier than betas.


  23. Pickup advice from 1967

    it surprisingly has almost everything in game, a really good video.


  24. You’ll like this CH, homeless and still getting pussy:


  25. Interesting field report:

    I went and got some beers with a girl that I met over the weekend. Long story short I isolated her from the bar to this park and started kissing laying down in a field.

    The weird thing is that this girl isn’t very hot–she’s cute brunette blue eyes but on the borderline of chubby, not in the unfuckable zone though.

    When we were hooking up I was feeling around–boobs butt everything really–and she would kind of guide my hand away and not let me get anywhere far. Her body language kinda screamed no we aren’t hooking up etc.

    But she still let me go back to her house and hang out after the drinks and field session.

    She’s probably on the lower end of the smv out of the girls I’ve been with.

    So why is she being so cold?

    She mentioned an ex boyfriend during drinks regarding something random. She also kept mentioning “I just met you”.

    She was dressed up though had a laced thong on etc. it’s just odd that she’s so cold/distant. Kind of like she’s thrown off that I’m initiating so much with her idk but its confusing me and idk if I should keep pushing this forward


    • Standard ASD, need to build more comfort, especially if she is well beneath you in SR. She is afraid of the pump and dump, but also can’t believe she is so attracted to you “I just met you” etc. So it goes to hover mode, she doesn’t want to push you away just yet, but has too little comfort to get past ASD…

      Build comfort. Hit it on a day 2.


  26. “In one survey of men, Trapnell and Meston (1996) found that nice guys who were modest, agreeable, and unselfish were disadvantaged in sexual relationships. Men who were manipulative, arrogant, calculating, and sly were more sexually active and had a greater variety of sexual experiences and a greater number of sex partners. [Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy]

    Women are very often attracted to bad boys like James Bond. In fact, research shows young women sometimes prefer out-and-out jerks:

    In the end, young women may continue to claim that they find certain qualities in a “good guy” nice guy as highly desirable and that they want to be in a committed relationship with one man as their ultimate goal, but, at the same time, they seem content to spend “the meantime and in-between-time” going out with fun/sexy guys who may or may not turn into “jerks.”

    Two things.

    The first scenario posits a player against someone who, and I quote, is “disadvantaged in sexual relationships”. Now while that might conjure up images of incels furiously thumbing out Mortal Combat X while scarfing down GMO nachos topped with a heaving mountain of hormone-laden sour cream, what it doesn’t say is that those “disadvantaged” men are in monogamous relationships of their own, while the other men are playing the polyamorous field.

    Now as any player worth his salt will tell you, it takes a fair amount of cunning, manipulation and calculation to maintain a rotating harem. Even the most open relationship on earth, wherein the couple mutually agrees to see other people, takes some calculation.

    Its that not manipulative and sly men have more opportunities to play the field with more women, its the playing of the field that requires them to be sly and manipulative.

    The other guys, the relationship oriented monogamous guys, are not at a “disadvantage” because they prefer to be in long term relationships with one woman only anyway. Its a matter of perspective.

    Now the second point.

    “young women may continue to claim that they find certain qualities in a “good guy” nice guy as highly desirable and that they want to be in a committed relationship with one man as their ultimate goal, but, at the same time, they seem content to spend “the meantime and in-between-time” going out with fun/sexy guys who may or may not turn into “jerks.”

    Humans have a dual mating strategy which appears to be largely age based.

    During our youth we like to meet and date a variety of people. Then as we get older we enter into a more mature and settling down phase where we start to look for someone who could be a good mother or father to our children.


  27. guys who were modest, agreeable, and unselfish

    go home alone… Women want guys like me – the ones that will use them like the dirty little whores they are… (said in a loving way). I tell them that, usually after they either tell me they have a BF or are married – and they almost melt… Women all want to be treated like they are irresistible, and when you pull her to you and tell her what you’re going to do to her – they melt. It also absolves them of any responsibility for the act – which is exactly what they want.

    So of course, the “nice guy” is going home alone – he’s an idiot… And really, he deserves to go home alone – because even if he’s with a woman now, he won’t be with her for long… Or he’ll always be getting sloppy seconds.


    • come on, Just Saying. Describe in detail such an interaction from your past, from when you first pull up to the bar and take a seat till the end. Do it on the most recent post as a FR.


  28. […] 4 Harsh Truths About The Dating Market | Chateau Heartiste […]