Toddler Game

Too funny. Even funnier: There are some gems of game to be mined from this humor. A reader writes,

It’s titled “Things You Can’t Do When You’re Not a Toddler”. I say it’s Things You Do When You Don’t Give a Fuck.

I’m going to walk up to girls and announce that I sleep in a big boy bed.

The “big boy bed” line is gold, and would work if your delivery is stone-faced. Other examples of “Toddler Game” that can be modified for adult-sized game.

– Walking naked in front of a girl you just started dating. (“I need these moments of freedom.”)
– “I’m 35-and-a-half.” Good all-purpose answer to girls asking your age.
– Hiding behind a pant leg or a chair when a girl asks you a personal question.
– Swapping a girl’s glasses and examining them with focused intent.
– Throwing stuff on the ground.

CH has covered this territory before. Children are great real life naturals at game. You’ll get a better education in how to tease women by watching little boys interact with little girls. We forget these life lessons as adulthood robs us of our wonderment and carefree attitude. Chicks dig the free and easy boy inside.





Comments


  1. on August 2, 2014 at 8:35 am Zombie Shane

    INFINITE TRUTH HERE. And it’s all “Good Guy” Game – White Knight Game. It’s pure, it’s innocent, it’s real. Nothing contrived. Nothing fake. Nothing disingenuous. With Toddler Game, you can actually be yourself around chicks. And still get laid.

    Like


    • on August 2, 2014 at 11:56 am oral c ummings

      This is a joke!Theres no toddler game.Infinite truth? Jesus H KeeRist! Still funny tho

      Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:14 pm Zombie Shane

        Toddlers alwats throw their dirty underwear on the floor. Toddlers always leave the toilet seat up. Toddlers always eat what they want to eat, drink what they want to drink, and vomit what they want to vomit.

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:14 pm Zombie Shane

        Toddlers are mischievous. Toddlers have a big grin on their faces. Toddlers live life at 110 MPH. Toddlers are masters of their own universes.

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:15 pm Zombie Shane

        Toddlers don’t experience worry or anxiety or depression or despair because they haven’t spent a decade in John Dewey’s gubmint indoctrination centers having every manner of Frankfurt School nihilism drilled into their skulls.

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:16 pm Zombie Shane

        Toddler Game is human Honey Badger Game.

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:17 pm Zombie Shane

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:18 pm Zombie Shane

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:19 pm Zombie Shane

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 2:29 pm Zombie Shane

        Toddler Game is being the man you had always wanted to be – the real you – before The System convinced you to be someone else.

        Like


    • on August 2, 2014 at 1:38 pm The Spirit Within

      Did I ever tell you about the time I lived in the ghetto with African Americans?

      Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 3:23 pm gunslingergregi

        hahhahahhahahahahhahahahhhahhah

        Like


      • We all know that you got out not one milli-second later than when you could. Assuming you ever lived in ghetto-land. See, this the lamness of your trolling; no one here thinks you personally believe in what you pretend to espouse.

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 8:58 pm The Spirit Within

        @gunslingergregi

        OK, what in the hell is so funny about me living amongst African Americans?? Huh? Dammit, like, seriously, don’t do this today. I nearly lost my job earlier, my girlfriend dumped me… I’ve been emotional all day… Man, I don’t know why I hang around this fucking place. You’re all just a bunch of bigots and racists, I swear, same as the fucking jews.

        Like


      • lol

        because you’re a fa66ot…..

        rape!

        Like


      • on August 3, 2014 at 7:06 am The Spirit Within

        Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

        Note the icons, people.

        Like


      • We knew it wasn’t you… he bad-mouthed the YKWs.

        Like


  2. Toddler game….just taking what you want….sounds like whorefinder’s main game….

    his go-to game….

    any guesses as to what it is, boys and girls?

    Like


  3. on August 2, 2014 at 9:09 am Zombie Shane

    And I’ll give you young ‘uns another priceless insight – at the other extreme, if you have a toddler of your own, then there isn’t a greater CHICK MAGNET on the face of God’s Green Earth than taking him with you to the park or the swimming pool.

    You will be able to hit on every Mom and every Nanny [and even the Grandmas, if they’re still pre-menopausal] for as far as the eye can see.

    Like


    • preselection game.

      Like


    • nephews work too. they don’t know it’s not yours til you’re already in her head.

      also, what works a lot like the glasses is a stonefaced purse perusal. she will say something like ‘excuse me’ and you just look up like ‘pardon?’

      it’s like kino jr, getting her used to you handling her stuff.

      Like


  4. Me want to fuk you! Would that work?

    Like


  5. some good inner game quotes here from evil stifler, a natural friend of RSD’s jeff allen. guy has banged around 700 chicks just from approaching all day everyday

    “Jeffy says beast.. I just imagine myself cumming on their faces wheneve they look at me… they know whats up.”

    “banging bitches is like playing golf. u leave the game for a week and u get a huge setback. dont ever stop creepin.”

    “Just agreed to do an interview with jeff for you losers. this shit is easy.. walk up… creep… either bang or don’t.”

    “Some days I go empty handed.. but is that reason for me to stop?”

    “Girls ask what my job is… i tell them it has to do with making women feel good.”

    “The time right before the weekend is when my eyes roll back and my dick comes out”

    In a text to Tyler,
    “Bro, I’m at the club right now, and I’m just about to get on the stage and take off my shirt and dance. I feel so bad for the other guys here.”

    “It’s funny. I hear guys talk about wishing for a girlfriend. WALK OUTSIDE AND HAVE YOUR PICK”

    “The pussy doesn’t own you. YOU own the pussy.”

    “You don’t have to buy the pussy, it’s already yours. Just take it”

    After being asked by someone for some advice on picking up girls,
    “To even give u a tip would be putting too much importance on the subject.”

    “If a girl gives u a short answer, stare her down til she gives u sumthing of more value. The awkward silence forces her 2 put in more effort”

    “Mind fucking is my favorite. I’m a nice guy one second, and a fucking asshole the next.”

    After being asked how to stop caring what other people think…
    “When you TRY not to give a fuck… ur still giving a fuck. just release.”

    “Slammed a 19 yr old bitch last night. This shit is so easy.”

    After being asked what the quickest way is to stop being a chode/beta,
    “to tell your mind to go fuck itself and walk straight into HORRIBLE situations.”

    “friends dont ask me “did u get laid last night?” they ask me, “did any chicks get laid last night?”

    Taking to a chode/beta,
    “Your life sucks. Go do something wild… you r gonna die in a little bit and your wasting it.”

    “my dick has a mind of its own brotha. no planning, just doing.”

    After being asked what how he gets a girl that is surrounded by guys,
    “they r my cheerleaders. male cheerleaders.”

    Like


    • “Mind fucking is my favorite. I’m a nice guy one second, and a fucking asshole the next.”

      This is the shit. Incredibly good hampster spinner.

      Like


      • Do the asshole part with a little bit of tease to it and watch the magic.

        Like


      • Don’t do this shit on nice girls from good families. Mind fucks are only to be deployed on snarky Blue State witches with The Darkness in their hearts. REPEAT: NEVER ON NICE GIRLS!!!!!

        Like


      • We need to end this belief in the idea of a “nice girl”. They don’t exist. There are only different degrees of solipsism and nastyness. That is all.

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      • on August 2, 2014 at 8:10 pm Zombie Shane

        Nice girls aren’t going to be solipsistic. But formerly nice girls could have a nasty streak and a burgeoning case of The Darkness in their hearts owing to a long line of Playahz who mind-fucked them and who tricked them into spreading their legs and who then proceeded to Pump-n-DUMP them and leave them all alone, high and dry, with an increasingly broken soul.

        Like


      • on August 2, 2014 at 8:11 pm Zombie Shane

        Don’t be the monster who goes around breaking the souls of nice girls.

        Like


      • Tricked them into spreading their legs? Huh, I didn’t realize you could trick them into doing that. So how does one do it? Your saying if I make a card disappear or pull a rabbit out of my hat they will spread for me? Can you elaborate please? I know game is technique for making them want to spread but now your saying there is actually a way to trick them into it without them even wanting it? Well goddamn son don’t just keep this knowledge to yourself!!

        Like


      • on August 3, 2014 at 8:20 am Zombie Shane

        Pump-n-DUMP: Snarky nasty evil witchy Blue State witch with Darkness-infected heart who hates hates hates hates children

        Pump-n-KEEP: Naive gullible trusting Red State Christian maiden who fucks like a wild animal and who wants to give you ten children

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      • Shane

        You are usually a nutter, but this here is spot on:

        “Pump-n-KEEP: Naive gullible trusting Red State Christian maiden who fucks like a wild animal and who wants to give you ten children.”

        Don’t come across this evryday

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      • they aren’t really nasty or nice. morality generally doesn’t jive with vagina.
        bitches are more like dogs.
        they’ll follow whatever rules you set if you’re a worthy pack alpha.
        but at the end of the day, good or bad, they’ll only stick around if its to the benefit of their needs for security.

        Like


    • sounds like a really funny extrovert….

      Like


  6. Toddler game? Yes, indeed, real alpha males here.

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  7. Nothing says toddler game like a good food sculpture. Make a mashed potato snowman or tee pee out of spare rib bones.

    Like


  8. “The “big boy bed” line is gold, and would work if your delivery is stone-faced.”

    It absolutely does.

    Although, the exact line I use was copped from The Simpsons:

    “I sleep in a racing-car (bed)! Do you?”

    Say it with a tone of boyish competition and maintain frame.

    With enough in-field practice, it won’t take long before she asks to see it.

    Like


  9. I’m studying at a coffee shop and there’s a girl (6 at best) berating a painfully obvious beta boyfriend a few seats away. She’s gesticulating wildly, using agitated tone and powerful body language.

    I’m sorely tempted to save a life by walking over to their table and handing the guy a scrap of paper with this site’s URL.

    Like


  10. […] Source: Heartiste […]

    Like


  11. Stumbled on this through Free the Animal’s site. Made me tear up to think there’s still hope.

    http://womenagainstfeminism.tumblr.com

    Like


    • Is it me or are a lot of the women posting there kinda cute? Notice you really don’t see some ugly manish monster you typically associate with feminism posting there.

      Like


    • Most of them are promoting feminist goals in their bullet points, so in a sense it makes even less sense than feminism. They are noting that they don’t need feminism because they are secular, pro-equality, gender equal and have the ability to do everything that men do, which sounds a lot like….feminism!

      The only standout departure is that they are young, and emphasize that they enjoy attention from men (i.e. catcalls). So we have a bunch of hyper-sexual attention seeking whores who are celebrating what feminism has brought them, while denying that they need feminism. Okay, then!

      And yes, I acknowledge there are a few that are different, but they mostly follow the aforementioned trend.

      First one is a great example: Slutty clothes! Abortion! Promiscuous behavior!
      http://womenagainstfeminism.tumblr.com/post/93573791110/http-womenagainstfeminism-tumblr-com-submit

      Like


      • i could be optimistic but i interpreted those bullet points as a statement that they don’t need feminism to fight for equality because they don’t believe gender inequality or oppression exists or is an issue that feminism needs to continue fighting for.

        Like


      • Thank you for pointing this out. I also thought it was neat that a group of girls were fighting back against an ideology that seemed to have completely taken over, and what made it even more credible was that a lot of the girls are pretty.

        Not all of them are young- some of them are middle aged women whose lives have been ruined by feminism.

        Another difference between women against feminism and feminists is that WAF believes men and women are equal, whereas feminists believe women are better than men. WAF acknowledges that women and men are of equal IMPORTANCE, but that men and women are different. Feminists always say that they can do anything that men can do.

        The Women Against Feminism also say that they are responsible for their own actions, which feminists do not. Now, I know that this is just a group of girls holding up magic marker signs, but the more people that adapt this way of thinking, the more ground men will regain. Women take responsibility -> fewer false rape accusations -> men won’t lose all their assets in divorce.

        As for the sexuality thing- a lot of the women on this site do seem to support slutty clothes and behavior, and I disagree with that. But no ideology is perfect. I’m Catholic, and while I disagree with some of the things the Catholic church says, I still identify as Catholic. No religion is perfect, but I feel that I am better off following something than drifting around aimlessly, telling people I am “spiritual.” And that is what the WAFs are doing. They like parts of feminism, but are rejecting the parts that they don’t like. And that’s a start.

        Look at this lovely woman, who doesn’t like Women Against Feminism: http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/heres-how-one-feminist-responded-to-women-who-say-they-dont

        Like


      • feel like i’m beating a dead horse here.

        all women want to have hand through social navigation 100% of the time because it is the only tool they really have in the belt for personal advancement.

        the hamplanet uggos will focus on things like fatshaming, jennifer lawrence dyke haircuts to undercut hot competition.

        the hotties want muh free contraceptives & abortionz so they can play the field without catching a uterus bomb.

        even your southern-fried ZS baptist ho will be in favor of no-fault and inequitable child custody/spousal support “just in case”

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      • ballocaust be preachin’!

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      • on August 4, 2014 at 11:02 pm Pijama Wearing Ninja

        The only difference between these women and feminists is that feminists are paranoid imbeciles with scads of mental issues.

        Like


  12. Field report:

    Was at a cafe the other day and chatted up this girl who was a year younger than me (it was the evening so around 830). Long story short spontaneously got her to get a drink with me after we “connected” then venue bounced and she went back to my place and spent the night. This was on a Tuesday night. Found out she’s a virgin lol and so she wanted to hold out on sex (I believed her cause she was not that good of a kisser–inexperienced). Moral of the story is be spontaneous and do things that are”you’re crazy I can’t do that tonight”.

    But the point is within 2-4 hours of meeting her cold approach I had her in my bed sucking my dick (I didn’t finish though).

    But, I’m stuck and have been struggling with something:

    Once you have continuously fucked a girl I’ve noticed it’s harder to keep her coming back and to keep that spark for her to keep Her initiating without being distracted by other guys.

    How do you do that? It’s fun hooking up with other girls but I struggle with keeping my favorite one coming back. Thoughts?

    Like


    • if ever there was a problem to accept as a blessing– but i get what you mean. i just think once you’ve got them keeping them you’ll be the one wanting to find greener pastures.

      the easy answer is maintain what you did to get her, the teasing, the going for what you want, etc. it sounds like they can probably tell how much you’re into them later and wanting to keep them and they get bored. don’t let them get bored, don’t let them relax, don’t let them feel 100% secure.

      nice work on the approach btw

      Like


      • “if ever there was a problem to accept as a blessing– but i get what you mean. i just think once you’ve got them you’ll be the one wanting to find greener pastures.”

        are you saying it’s a blessing that it’s difficult to keep a favorite coming back because we would get bored with them if there was never any risk of losing them? that’s an interesting thought. maybe we probably need the push/pull as much as they do.

        Like


      • this is the kind of thing that trips girls up. you guys say women shouldn’t play hard to get but you admit that you’ll want to move onto greener pastures as soon as you’ve got the girl. what gives?

        Like


      • on August 6, 2014 at 1:34 pm midnight toker

        there are some men who will get bored with every girl once they’ve gotten her. those are your serial cheaters and the guys who can’t maintain a relationship for any length of time but i don’t think that’s true for all men.

        i can’t speak for everyone but i think women get the playing hard to get thing all wrong. i think it goes back to wanting a girl who has her own interests, has her life together AND is situationally hard to get. meaning someone who could be attainable for me but isn’t just as attainable for every other guy. no one wants a girl who opens her legs for everyone. we want women who could have any men they want but only choose us.

        the chase is fun in the beginning but if i like or love a woman, i don’t want to play games with her. i want to be the guy that can get her so if i have to work too hard for it because she’s playing games or it looks like it’s going nowhere, i’ll move on to someone else.

        at the same time, i do think a little fear is a good thing. it keeps us engaged and interested. we all get lazy in our relationships and take each other for granted sometimes so when a girl is totally into me and i know she won’t cheat, i slack off and get lazy. i admit it. but if i have a girl who could get other men if she wants to and she knows it, i’m going to stay engaged and keep myself in check a lot more.

        that doesn’t mean i want a girl who tries to make me jealous or acts like she isn’t in to me. that’s game playing. i’m talking about a woman who is of high value and knows it. women like that don’t have to play hard to get or use ploys to get attention.

        Like


      • midnight toker and burke say men should keep teasing and going for what they want so women don’t get bored and that you can’t let them relax or feel 100% secure. you also say men get bored with women once they get them.

        so does the same thing go for women? should women be teasing men and not letting them feel secure so they don’t get bored? that sounds like playing hard to get to me. something the manosphere calls feminist garbage and the opposite of what men want.

        [CH: this reads like a smelly troll comment, but to answer it anyway: men don’t get bored with calm, reposed women who don’t play head games, as long as those women are attractive. men and women are psychosexually different, so what works for men won’t necessarily work for women.]

        Like


      • thanks CH 🙂

        i’m not trying to be trollish. i’m just trying to understand. if what you say is true then what about what burke says?

        he told Will that he will get bored and want to move onto greener pastures once he gets the girl. doesn’t that mean that being hard to get and keeping the chase going is what keeps men interested?

        Like


    • Long story short spontaneously got her to get a drink with me after we “connected” then venue bounced and she went back to my place and spent the night. This was on a Tuesday night. Found out she’s a virgin lol and so she wanted to hold out on sex (I believed her cause she was not that good of a kisser–inexperienced). Moral of the story is be spontaneous and do things that are”you’re crazy I can’t do that tonight”.

      Good Job and decent moral but the amount of “Virgins” that have been banged has to be 10x the amount of actual virgins out there.

      Like


  13. The only thing I remember about being a toddler is an old cow barn, an old man named Cooter, another boy about my age named Ricky, and various random mental snapshots of cocks, spit, ass, and cow shit. The worst part was when Cooter found me again when I was in middle school, in a completely different town, and tried to explain that everything was okay because Jesus forgave him and he got saved.

    What a depressing way to start the workday. Bah.

    Like


    • on August 2, 2014 at 4:24 pm Hair Slicked Back With Swag So Fresh

      Dafuq?

      Like


    • Dude…

      Like


    • on August 2, 2014 at 6:13 pm driveallnight

      Spirit asks what channel this show is on.

      Like


      • You know how people on forums say “you owe me a new monitor”?

        You owe me a desk as well… and a double bourbon.

        😉

        Like


    • Cool story, bro!

      Like


      • I wasn’t expecting a random CH post to send me into a wave of maudlin introspection, but it did, and that was the result. It’s severely depressing the extent to which the events of that cow barn still affect me some 40 years later.

        I turned out really well in spite of all that crazy shit I endured in my childhood, but no matter how I try to leave it all behind, I’m really fucked up mentally, and it’s crippling my game all to shit and gone. One number in two years, and I orbited her like a chump. The next girl I cold approached was a crack whore, and I tried to fuck her anyway, and lost over $1,000 without seeing a tit.

        I’m going to do myself a favor and go back to coping the way that worked the past 20 years. I’m going to order a new Fleshlight and to hell with women.

        Like


    • jesus christ bro, start with some therapy and work your way back to game otherwise shit might get ugly for you quickly

      Like


      • Agree. Work on yourself then work on your women situation. You can’t build anything with a cracked foundation. Time to rebuild.

        Like


  14. on August 2, 2014 at 3:32 pm gunslingergregi

    i’d say also think about what a woman would do for a cat or dog
    yea cleaning up piss and shit around the house
    especially cat emptying the litter box and smelling cat shit in the house all day
    yea after thinking about that none of the complaints they could possibly come up with about you could compare to that
    so it don’t mean shit

    Like


  15. on August 2, 2014 at 3:42 pm gunslingergregi

    yea you are gonna hear about the clothes on floor a few times that she has to pick up but after ya get her used to that being what she was put on the earth to do yea its fine he he he
    keep cognicent of what your woman does do
    when she takes a day and scrubs the shower and curtain and the floors to make the house nice its not really all that noticeable sometimes
    scrubs out the stove fridge
    cleans the fish tanks
    didn’t want me to take the car through auto wash cause she wanted me to watch her do it
    or she would joking throw a fit
    maybe I need to learn to show more appreciation for that stuff or maybe yea like a kid when do they say ty for stuff like that to parents but yet parent skind of do that for 18 years some of em

    Like


  16. […] Hilarious and insightful post by Heartiste which I believe you should read: Toddler Game […]

    Like


  17. Droping utensils or dishes on the floor. Rarely done, hugely effective.

    That was for me folks, Signing out. Ya’ll take care.

    Monsieur Heartiste, thank you very much for your generosity.

    RAPE!

    Like


  18. on August 2, 2014 at 6:56 pm old single white guy

    Today’s field report:
    126 female customers.
    One 2
    50 3s
    27 4s
    28 5s
    9 6s
    6 7s
    4 8s
    one 9 (who made the whole research project worth it. In fact, she may have actually been a 10, but by then I was so bummed I couldn’t believe my eyes!

    Like


    • So you rang up the purchases of 120+ women and assigned SMVs.

      No teasing or anything? What are you trying to accomplish?

      Like


    • on August 4, 2014 at 9:47 am having a bad day

      you should have gotten at least 2 numbers out of that…for a 10% conversion rate…how did you do…?

      Like


  19. Whatever you guys do don’t shit your pants. Trust me on this one.

    Like


  20. Here’s a new text I started using. It’s the go-to ambiguous text reply. It’s better than “gay” because it’s less provocative and more inscrutable and hard to figure out:

    “Oh…”

    This is what I use when a girl flakes on me: “I can’t make it tonight because xyz”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Or in situations where a girl is trying to provoke you:

    Her: “you’re just out to get into my pants”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Or when you want to reply but don’t want to give away what you’re thinking like when my crazy ex gf sent me a belated birthday text:

    “Oh…”

    You can also find your own uses for this. “Gay” I like when the girl is a bit more edgy and would get it. But if she doesn’t.

    Here’s a recent example:

    Her: hey sorry that I have a family gathering so I can’t make it

    Me: when are you free?

    Her: ahhhh..i’m a bit ful next week…let me think about it, so sorry

    Me: Oh…

    Her: so so sorry

    You get the idea.

    Like


  21. on August 2, 2014 at 10:58 pm The Dissident

    I was once standing in line at Disneyland with a girl I was dating at the time (by good ole beta chump days). There was, rather predictably, a five year old in front of us in line with his mom and one of her girlfriends. The kid farts, then has this sort of momentarily surprised/embarrassed look on his face, and then cracks this mischievous grin on his face and announces at full decibel level “I FAWTED!!”

    I don’t go out of my way to hold in moments of flatulence around girls anymore. Ever since then, if I happen to break wind I proceed exactly as that kid, the brief moment of surprise, followed by toothy grin and unashamed pronouncement with all the verge of a five year old admiring his bodily functions.

    Like


  22. Toddlers got negs down too. Bitch gets mouthy, push her down.

    Like


  23. help me out guys,

    sometime a girl would come up to me and tell me i am cute handsome etc(this happens occasionally so they usually catch me by surprise ) and i start talking to them etc etc. but i never end up banging these chiks. what am i doing wrong?

    Like


    • on August 3, 2014 at 6:22 am Zombie Shane

      QUESTION: What happens between 1) “the girls tell me I am cute and handsome” and 2) “I never end up banging them”?

      ANSWER: “I start talking”.

      Like


      • on August 3, 2014 at 6:29 am Zombie Shane

        Practice your un-talking [just keep ignoring them] and then wait patiently for this thing called “puberty”. Before you know it, your smokingly hawtness 8th-grade Algebra teacher will be frog-marched off to prison on a Statutory conviction.

        Like


    • Just say “You’re not half-bad yourself, baby” or some such throw-off line that gives them a bit of a warm-fuzzy.

      And then act as if you have a more important agenda at the moment, looking into the distance as if another appointment is imminent.

      Let them continue the ball rolling, conversation-wise… be cordially aloof until you can start reframing things towards the direction in which you wish the talk to lead.

      Best way to do that is to turn whatever it is they’re saying as chit-chat into questions that will make them either qualify themselves or reveal openings into which you can then “fill the breech” with playful teases or steely-eyed piercing “heart-felt concern” about where they need to be led, rather than where they are apparently going (as per the aforementioned chit-chat in which they’re currently engaging).

      With young impressionable ladies, this is child’s play.

      If it makes it any easier before you begin, think of scenarios ahead of time and rehearse them in your mind, like a salesman thinking about how to lead a potential customer into the benefits of the sale… or how best to dissuade possible misgivings about said sale.

      Like


  24. […] Too funny. Even funnier: There are some gems of game to be mined from this humor. A reader writes, It’s titled “Things You Can’t Do When You’re Not a Toddler”. I say it’s Things You Do When You Don’t Give a Fuck.  […]

    Like


  25. I once saw a Japanese woman with a kid. The mom had the kid carrying some bag or wearing a nap sack. The kid asked the mom to carry it and mom refused. The exchange proceeded like this:

    Toddler: But it’s heavy!

    Mother: Heavy for mommy too…

    I use this whenever a girl says “But it’s heavy!!!” “heavy for me too”

    “But it’s a long drive….”

    But it’s expensive…

    Expensive for me too.

    Like


  26. Latest greatest confession of AFBB (aka “the real life education of a nerd”), fresh from Reddit:

    http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2ciq6w/my_29f_husband_of_2_years_24m_wont_stop_asking/

    This chick is older than him, asked to start dating him, proposed to marry him (said “he was ecstatic”), had a minimal sex life with him, got pregnant by another man, and now bitches that he snooped on her accounts to confirm his suspicions.

    Is there a single sleazy thing associated with this type of scenario that she missed? A home run!

    Like


  27. re: http://groupthink.jezebel.com/traditional-masculinity-and-sexual-preferences-1614373452

    adhere to this being more true in getting the juices going than acting like an infant. read the comments to really get it. if anyone is to be a child, it is the woman. sure you get a laugh here and there but actions sum up to a defined character eventually

    what gets them wet is you being a competent, superior leader; ie hypergamy. dropping to moronic childhood platitudes at best shows you understand where her head tends to be

    use “toddler game” very sparingly, beta b8 for a regular FB/GF you a hook for.

    Like


  28. “– Swapping a girl’s glasses and examining them with focused intent.”

    That’s also Marlon Brando game.

    Like


  29. OT: Tinder game.

    I added this app about a week ago. Got about 180 matches in the first three days. Hooked up with three girls this week, one resulting in a SNL. Of the 180 I’d say about 50 initiated messaging me right off the bat, and of those, I still haven’t responded to about half.

    My search parameters are 18-30. I’m early 30s. My profile is two good solo pics, no description. Close up pics from the waist up. One is me in a suit, which seems to have generated a lot of first-up comments.

    This app could be a goldmine for good looking guys slightly on the introverted side. I’ve had a few girls open me with, “Why is a good looking guy like you on this app?” and the girls I’ve hooked up with have said they swipe right on about 1 in every 50 guys (though I take this with a grain of salt, likely ASD rationalization) so if you’re ok looking with a few gaps in your game, this app could at least circumvent some of those issues. I couldn’t get the numbers of 180 girls in 50 consecutive nights out, so there’s definitely something to be said for this app.

    My issue is, I game them pretty well over Tinder, I get their number (about 20 have given me their number so far, and about half of those have offered it up freely without me even asking), then I ask them if they want to have a drink. The “dates” I’ve been on so far (just a casual drink in a bar, no $$$ output) have gone pretty well, but to quote CH, there is always a “passe and value lowering” feel to them. They end up being far too clinical, like two complete strangers getting to know each other.

    Anyone have any options/advice for advanced Tinder game? I don’t really have the lifestyle to always do the “I’ll be at x with friends, meet me there.” I have no shortage of suitors wanting to catch up, but is there any way I can avoid the value lowering “catch-up for a drink” scenario.

    What are other people’s experiences with this app?

    Like


    • I hope you like X, I’m heading out to grab a bite after work. 7PM.”

      Like


      • on August 4, 2014 at 9:22 am Hair Slicked Back With Swag So Fresh

        This. Instead of going outta your way to have a drink with them, go about your day in the normal way and tell them to tag along. If she’s interested, she’ll get her ass there. If she’s not, someone else will be. Either way, you’re not doing something you don’t wanna do, and even if no one else meets you there, you’ll always enjoy your own company.

        Like


    • on August 4, 2014 at 9:47 am gunslingergregi

      you bastards and your tinder
      I don’t think tinder exists here
      hell I went on trip and actually saw a starbucks everyone talks about with a line of cars waiting to get some stupid coffee only for gods sake
      two different worlds I guess
      so starbucks = 100 percent white people area I guess

      Like


    • 180 -> 50 -> 20 -> 10 -> F close 3

      You’re getting fed but you’re not on the hunt. 10 girls give you their number freely and you bang 3 of them you’re kinda taking what you’re given it seems. Push..or as they say Sarge your own, take your pickings. Are these 3 F-closes girls you selected, pressed, seduced, and “obtained” the number yourself??

      That always gives a cheap feel for me…when a girl pursues me. Sucks all the fun out of it. Yea you get your rocks off but it’s cheap, easy, child’s play ya know..like the feeling you get when someone lets you win. Spoils it…nothing comes close to seducing your own selections, moreso when they are cold at first. Like climbing fuckin Everest or something

      Like


    • on August 4, 2014 at 11:11 am The Spirit Within

      I have the same numbers.

      Out of 60 matches on Tinder, I only have one very hot lead — but the problem is that she lives 300 miles away. You’ve got 3 out of 180, which is the same ratio. Maybe 1.66% is typical. My text game is tight, so that’s not the problem.

      I’m having much more success in other digital venues. I’ll keep the Tinder app, but I’m leaving the country soon, so maybe things will change by 2015.

      Like


  30. Except…don’t do the part where toddlers bitch and whine about every miniscule fucking thing ever. Leave out that part and you’re golden.

    * 1000 dudes hit the club and try stumbling over the “I sleep in a big boy bed” line *

    The underlying message is “don’t give a fuck”…like toddlers, they don’t give a shit about anything but THEIR needs…be the same, but ya know…a man about it. Toddlers are pussies for the most part and throw a goddamn fit if you push the elevator button or something

    Like


    • on August 4, 2014 at 8:02 pm gunslingergregi

      toddlers are also the biggest cockblockers the world has ever known
      they will always want to be between you and your woman
      getting all the attention

      Like


  31. I for one am not thrilled with the UN (Ubiquitous Negro) present in absolutely 100% of print, audiovisual, and online media in this country and alas, throughout most of the (white) Western world.

    Yeh, on this 45th anniversary of the moon landings, I am starting to get a little sick of the Constant Minority Uplift meme.

    Put another way: God I Hate Niggers.

    But God, too: I would be relatively neutral to the Negro question were the UN not foisted upon us day in and day out every single day in every conceivable way.

    Morgan Stanley playing God might have been fun if it had been done once, not Every Single Time.

    And don’t even get me started about the HNIC.

    Sincerely,

    – Arturo

    Like


  32. on August 4, 2014 at 10:40 pm Pijama Wearing Ninja

    The ‘that’s what I said’ comment can be made to intentionally troll women when they catch you with a white lie. I kind of saw it at Harvey Specter in Suits and adopted it for myself. The reality is that some facets of his character are pretty neat to emulate.

    Like


  33. On a much lighter note than my last comment, I thought about toddler game again tonight after playing “don’t hit yourself” with my wife. I hadn’t done that in years, and that was fun. She was holding my hand, so I just forced her hand back and made her smack herself in the face.

    “Don’t hit yourself!”

    “Quit it! I hate it when you do that!”

    I started forcing her hand back again, and this time she resisted. I overpowered her by brute force.

    Bap! “Don’t hit yourself!”

    “I said quit it!” Giggle, giggle, giggle.

    That was actually fun. She’s fat, but she makes up for some of it by taking an ass fucking better than most porn stars. I wonder if I will ever fuck another chick who has multiple squirting orgasms from anal.

    Like


  34. What’s sexy about a boy? If I had to pick between a Meathead, A Needy Guy or a Toddler, I’d want something between Meathead and Needy. No woman in her right mind would pick the 3 year old boy unless she was a pedophile. I often here that women stop banging their boyfriends because he starts playing video games, is useless with finances/career and just acts like a baby.
    Like I’ve read on this website, women want a man in leadership no matter what area his an expert in. I guess behaving like a loser isn’t sexy at all. Being cute is a different story. I get this urge to nurture men who are masculine and occasionally show me their little kitten side.

    It’s apparently a massive turn off when a man behaves like a child but I guess it’s different in a relationship versus just sex which I’m assuming you’re on this website in search of (no judgement here so long as you don’t judge me for being the complete opposite). I could be wrong in the sex-only scene.

    If you’re after a relationship/companionship and repeat business (lol), find your balance somewhere between Needy and Jerk. We all want balance in EVERYTHING. Do you want a girl to be overly needy or overly independent, neither?…..you want a balanced lady, so do we!

    Lucky girl who meets the needy guys amongst you who puts on the brave masculine face, you’re a keeper.

    I wish the nice ones amongst you all the best luck with a lovely woman.

    Like