I Will Not Drink Fucking Merlot!

There is a group of SWPLs outside on the balcony right now discussing the finer points of wine. They are mocking some mutual friend they know for being pretentious about wine by… being pretentious about wine.

“Oh, like, so X says she had dinner with Napa Valley’s best sommelier.”

“She’s such a wine snob. I swear she brought table wine last month to X’s party.”

Their insipid blather has ruined my pleasant evening of pipe smoking and single malt drinking. I loathe SWPLs. If hypocrisy and status whoring were hellfire their screams of torment would echo through the ages.





Comments


  1. “pipe smoking and single malt drinking.”

    Oh, for Christ’s sake…!

    Like


  2. Oh, for Christ’s sake…!

    this was a multi-layered post.

    Like


  3. I can’t believe you took time off from a party to blog. Has there been a token BlackBerry break yet?

    Like


  4. it’s my neighbor’s party. i’m sitting on my balcony in blissful solitude. or was.

    Like


  5. Good wine is wine that tastes good. Everything else is pretentious bullshit.

    Once I was in a supermarket in the wine aisle and some yuppie females were staring at the various selections. “I’ve never bought wine in a supermarket before,” said one of them, in a tone of voice implying that it was somehow declassé to not pay the extra two to five dollars it would cost to buy the same bottle in a fancy wine store. My purchase that day of the Gallo burgundy in the handled jug was made in their honor.

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  6. Their insipid blather has ruined my pleasant evening of pipe smoking and single malt drinking.

    I feel sorry for you. I’d expect to hear that they ruined your menage à trois with two hot Eastern European au pairs that you secured with your intricate knowledge of Slavic languages and teh game. Pipe smoking and malt beverages reek of a provincial sexless beta…

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  7. I love yuppie (if we want to use the 21st century term: SWPL) parties, because they are often self-parodying, and provide great verbatim material to repeat to your friends. The last yuppie party I was at, I could swear one person pulling out their BlackBerry to text, inspired about 5 others to follow suit. I believe “Hot Yoga” was the discussion en vogue.

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  8. Roissy, question in all sincerity:

    Are you not a “SWPL”-I don’t necessarily mean in mindset, but in demographic, etc, et al? I mean, from where I sit, what seperates you from the SWPLers is very small. Perhaps it is this close proximity that accounts for your loathing of them? Please explain?

    Thanks.

    O

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  9. Sofia seconded. Are you still ill?

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  10. that you secured with your intricate knowledge of Slavic languages

    Has Roissy even revealed if he is a polyglot?

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  11. So go crash the fucking party with your bottle of scotch and pipe smoke.

    Put on a velvet jacket first.

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  12. Pipe smoking and malt beverages

    good lord DA, it’s not a “malt beverage”. it’s single malt scotch.

    Are you not a “SWPL”

    only the trappings are similar. in spirit and in clearness of mind i am nothing like them.

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  13. Obsidian,

    I can’t speak for Roissy, but I live in a very “hip” neighbourhood of Toronto: an amalgam of urban professionals, hipsters & the hypocritical granola-lite. Despite my geographical & socio-economic proximity, I often find myself being the token reactionary. It gets tired when people make an attempt at novelty only to effectively conform to everybody else in their cushioned sphere of living.

    Like


  14. uhmm what is swpl ?

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  15. is it referring to the website ?

    Like


  16. roissy this part in Sideways always makes me laugh
    “i’m not drinking any fucking merlot !”

    Like


  17. Get some Red Man and Old Crow bourbon and spit a mixture down onto their balcony. Wear a flannel shirt, a Stihl chainsaws hat, suspenders with your jeans and Danner boots for maximum effect.

    hehe

    I know you would never do this, Roissy, but it is perfect for crashing SWPL parties, and it is very funny because it really does intimidate the herbs.

    Bonus points for a half-rack of Rainier beer and a casual display of some animal’s pelt.

    Even better bonus is that this getup scares the bejeebus out of urban hood rats.

    Like


  18. Sofia

    that you secured with your intricate knowledge of Slavic languages

    Has Roissy even revealed if he is a polyglot?

    Sofia, that’s inappropriate. This should be between Roissy and his doctor.

    What business of ours is it how many glots he has?

    Like


  19. I could use some single malt drinking today. Fudge.

    Like


  20. @nadia- yeah, stuff white people like.

    @obs- people like us are SWPL-class heretics, or apostates. we’re raised in the same suburbs by the same professional-class parents, went to the same prestigious HSes and colleges, and have the same kind of knowledge-worker jobs, for the most part. but we FUCKING HATE the brainwashing, the groupthink, the pretension and snobbery, the femininity/androgyny, the knee-jerk liberal politics, the condescension to working class people and immigrants, the reflexive cultural self-flagellation – all of it, that whole cluster of traits. So yeah, what you said is probably right on – we hate that shit because we understand it so well. raised in and around it and know exactly how wrong and fucked-up the people who think that way are.

    @roissy- nice quasi-self-mocking touch with the sideways reference. which would you do: sandra oh or virginia madsen? (in sideways, not 15 years earlier…) kind of a dumb question, actually, because the answer’s obvious.

    @sofia- a reactionary philosopher at 20, eh? geez, you’ll be insufferable when you’re 40 … 🙂 … and you’ll need to move south of the border.

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  21. SWPL hate, I loves it. Were they group imbeciling over Obo’s Congressional blather? “You know, I just… can’t understand why these evil, hateful hatemongers are so against helping the poor. Oh wait, a minority walked by my car, I am going to call the cops.”

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  22. Maurice,

    Most philosophers are insufferable at either 20 or 40. And I’m an anti-reactionary, rather. Considering that hipsters & yuppies alike both consider themselves reactionary and non-conformist.

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  23. I need my Beta of the Month fix…..

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  24. But being snooty about wine. Sure, if you actually work on a vineyard. Maybe these kids are treating wine like the latest Black Cat emo band.

    I like to tell them that I thought Opus One tastes like wine from a box.

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  25. I don’t always drink Merlot, but when I do, I prefer ‘FAT bastard.’

    Seriously, it’s the only brand I roll out with to dinner parties. I consider it to be a tangible social proof/peacocking/rapport source.

    Like


  26. Fat Bastard ya good choice… I gave that to the owner of the company I work for as a house gift once. He drinks it all the time now.

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  27. good lord DA, it’s not a “malt beverage”. it’s single malt scotch.

    That is why you are an alpha, and I am a sub-human male…

    Like


  28. on September 10, 2009 at 2:18 am unlearning genius

    everybody likes to think that although the trappings are similar they are still SOOOOO unique .. You cannot run from who you are that easily .. if you really felt that strongly you would go and live in a different culture .. ah .. but you cannot do that .. you are so used to the condo life, the dreary “knowledge worker” job, the bar scene ..the ego fix you get from this blog .. your “conquests” .. is it just me or do your followers willfully ignore the delusions of granduer that you are so obviously suffering from …

    Like


  29. Roissy said with absolute indignity -“good lord DA, it’s not a “malt beverage”. it’s single malt scotch.”

    50 years old much! (you not the scotch)

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  30. on September 10, 2009 at 2:20 am unlearning genius

    And yes people i am an outgroup omega! pat yourself on teh back if you guessed correctly.

    Like


  31. Ohhh no. I followed an insulting post which makes my jest look also as insulting. Can I add a wink now?? heh heh 😉

    Like


  32. My favorite Sideways quote..

    “I bet you she is two tons of fun”
    Said before Jack goes slummin with the big, white trash waitress.

    Like


  33. Once again we’re getting roissy’s highly biased version of events. The actual banter might have been more witty than he related. He has every incentive to make it seem lame so that he could lambaste the party-goers. Be suspicious of Roissy’s stories.

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  34. Obsidian–

    The answer to your query lies here:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism_of_small_differences

    Like


  35. Exquisite manners and tastes are for a way for swipples to DHV to each other, while denigrating “the other”. The “other” for swipples are “the wrong kind of white people”.

    People drink (lets be honest here kids), to get a buzz or get drunk. No alcohol tastes as good as a can of mountain dew or coca-cola. These folks kill me with bragging about how “forward” or “blunt” some grape juice+alcohol is.

    One can save quite a bit of money buy just mixing booze and a sweet drink (mountain dew, 7up, orange juice, grape-flavored sodas). After youve have half a drink, can your really appreciate the taste all that much? Your mouth should be getting numb by then, the blood pumping, the buzz starting to really come, the inhibitions starting to fall off your shoulders, etc.

    I kind of like sipping minty drinks at times also, but only sipping them.

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  36. Is it possible for a hatred of SWPL to lead to a hatred of white people in general…

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  37. to follow on cannon’s comment, i don’t always drink merlot but when i do i prefer BEER. fuck wine it gives you a headache anyway.

    and maurice, i’d fuck sandra oh, but the answer is not so obvious…i’d fuck madsen too

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  38. Z – that’s not true for everyone. I genuinely prefer the taste of a glass of decent wine to the taste of soft drink (which I never drink). Part of it may well be that the flavour has become associated with the buzz, but my point remains – just because you don’t like it, don’t imagine that everyone else is faking to seem more sophisticated than you.

    Or were you being ironic?

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  39. No alcohol tastes as good as a can of mountain dew or coca-cola.

    Most beers are at least equally good.

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  40. Never been big on wine. Tried to develop a taste for it, but largely failed. More of a vodka or whiskey man myself.

    Perhaps MD 20/20 scarred me for life.

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  41. Roosh

    Is it possible for a hatred of SWPL to lead to a hatred of white people in general…

    Well, that’s a good question there, Roosh. That danger does exist, yes.

    However, if you scratch your typical SWPL you’ll find some white trash underneath all that pretension.

    The whites who are truly “above it all” don’t even bother trying — snooty condescension comes naturally to them no matter what they wear, who they vote for or what they consume.

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  42. David Alexander

    good lord DA, it’s not a “malt beverage”. it’s single malt scotch.

    That is why you are an alpha, and I am a sub-human male…

    Actually, DA does have a point here, as tragicomique as it may be.

    Malt liquor is to single malt scotch what pig’s trotters are to tenderloin; that is, they both share the same origin, but are differently allocated, to phrase it tactfully.

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  43. Being from California I inevitably know quite a bit about wine (at least the grapes from here). When I go to other areas of the country I notice that talking about wine knowledgeably causes gina tingle. But I have to admit 2 buck chuck isn’t all that bad most of the time. Unremarkable but not bad.

    I don’t get the snobbery but there are different tastes and it is fun to appreciate the different characters of wine depending on the year, region, and grape, much like one hot chick is different from another. I think you have to hang out and do a string of tours of winerys over a period of years to really get a feel for it.

    No I am not a fag.

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  44. Chuck:
    fair enough, i’m actually not much of a wine drinker. in fact, two conditions must be met for me to get down with some fermented grapes:

    1. at the dinner table
    2. in the company of women (or occasionally family)

    waiting to be seated? that’s a cocktail. mingling at a house party? that’s a cocktail. flossing hard at a wine tasting? that’s also a cocktail.

    i am ecstatic that natty light has begun tv advertising during football games. it is the anti-pbr and the anti-swpl.

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  45. pbr?

    Pabst Blue Ribbon?

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  46. yes. believe it or not, pbr is now the trendy beer for hipsters in the lower east side of manhattan (and beyond). bars serve cans – how very couture.

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  47. on September 10, 2009 at 5:24 am Professional Engineer

    PBR is hip out here too. (WNC) The college prof. class likes it because of The Accountant.

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  48. Smoking pipes is the hobby of all thoughtful gentlemen. I recommend a nice rum with it next time. Pussers rules the school.

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  49. Roissy:

    why do you live in DC where you can’t have guns?

    Like


  50. on September 10, 2009 at 6:21 am gunslingergregi

    Just drink port and taste the keg.

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  51. on September 10, 2009 at 6:23 am gunslingergregi

    Oh and jerdog you are a fag.

    he he he

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  52. on September 10, 2009 at 6:30 am gunslingergregi

    just labeling not judging lol

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  53. roosh

    i think you have to be lapsed SWPL class to hate SWPL for the most part because most NON SWPL have *never seen or heard of them*. i’m a fugitive from the 90s hipster/alternative scene and every single person i knew from then graduated to a smug, whole foods shopping, green bullshit buying, mac loving swpl–my whole family is either swpl (wealthy lawyer urban) or at least BoBo(60’s fugitives got some money) in taste and beliefs. my husband and his family on the other hand are mega blue collar and none of them have any conception of the elite, at all NONE. if you can live your entire life never encountering swpl’s in a major metro like philly, how many swpl do you think they encounter out in flyover country on a regular basis? how many black people are truly aware of them?

    outside their own circle and they internet they might as well not exist except for their malign influence on culture.

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  54. Amen Roissy. Amen…

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  55. The best thing to do with faux wine snobs is to discuss the time you toured part of the French wine country (e.g., Loire Valley, Burgundy, Côtes du Rhône, etc…), tasted various wines (e.g., a Gigondas from Gigondas, a Muscat from Beaumes-de-Venise) and then ask them if they’ve done the same. The silence will speak volumes about their true knowledge of wine. Anyone who truly knows something about wine has made at least one trip to France. Bonus points if you can do the foregoing in French.

    As for single malt scotch, I prefer 18-year old Macallan.

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  56. SWPLs are like the dodo – standing around squawking, preening, and nipping at each other, but completely oblivious that they’re about to get eaten by a swarming horde of alien carnivores.

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  57. Signaling that you have exceptional taste in wine by announcing that you dined with a wine celebrity is annoying. Your neighbors countered effectively by pointing out the person’s ordinary wine decisions. That sounds ok to me.

    Had the target of the gossip been a person who drank table wine, but claimed to like it and the neighbors looked down on them, then that’s wine snobbery.

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  58. I thought the post was about to end with something like “I told them I was not drinking any fucking merlot and then they admired this alpha behavior and felt their ginas tingles so, with a little kino escalation, we ended up in an orgy together”

    Disappointed.

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  59. Once I was in a supermarket in the wine aisle

    You much be in Virginia. Certainly not in Maryland.

    Disappointed.

    Perhaps you are incorrectly assuming that there wasn’t an orgy later.

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  60. The actual banter might have been more witty than he related. He has every incentive to make it seem lame so that he could lambaste the party-goers. Be suspicious of Roissy’s stories.

    do you live in DC? DC SWPL-ers are some of the worst interlocutors i have ever encountered. this is a city full of conversational deadbeats.

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  61. The actual banter might have been more witty than he related. He has every incentive to make it seem lame so that he could lambaste the party-goers. Be suspicious of Roissy’s stories.

    do you live in DC? DC SWPL-ers are some of the worst interlocutors i have ever encountered. this is a city full of conversational deadbeats.

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  62. I drink only the finest boxed wines myself. For one thing, the empty boxes are much less dangerous than empty bottles. I guess it depends who you are drinking with.

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  63. PBR is a great beer if you enjoy having atomic explosive shits in the morning.

    Now, if you prefer a more sophisticated beer, I suggest basically anything that’s not PBR.

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  64. Roissy,

    Wine can be other worldly. The smell of the grapes long transmuted into an intoxicating nectar of the vine, the way it floods your mouth with tastes and flavors spanning the globe, and the way wine buzzes start with the lips have inspired many long forgotten songs and romances just in bloom.

    Wines grown in different vineyards, different years, different soils all taste different.

    I may be partial. I’ve fond memories of touring wine growing regions of the US and sitting on the front porch of my friend’s property watching the sun set as we sip wine he has grown and fermented. Plus you must admit…

    Women love wine.

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  65. Dude, for swpl-ers to stop ruining beer by becoming overly analytical about and talk about some drink which actually makes sense to analyze like wine is a godsend. Besides, debating wine at least has a hint of old world paleo grandeur to it. It didn’t arise solely from the swpl-ers puerile culture.

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  66. Being from California I inevitably know quite a bit about wine (at least the grapes from here).

    My Californianess makes me conversant in white zin. It was totally horrifying to the easterners, but now adays if I claim to “love white zin with ice!” people barely blink.

    yes. believe it or not, pbr is now the trendy beer for hipsters in the lower east side of manhattan (and beyond). bars serve cans – how very couture.

    True.
    And I wish I’d gotten to suffer through pbr in college instead of suffering through Sierra Nevada Pale Ale kegs (so cheap, especially when the friends at Chico would bring it down).

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  67. who hell is able to differentiate between grapes???

    all wines taste alike, they start differentiating as they get more expensive. wines below USD 50 (BRL 100) have absolutely all the same taste despite the grapes used

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  68. on September 10, 2009 at 11:10 am ironrailsironweights

    Manischewitz Cream White Concord was the wine of choice among my high school peers. Not that anyone was Jewish, but it was cheap and ungodly sweet, a perfect match for 15-year-old palates.

    Peter

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  69. These heretic would-be feastrels trade prestige for feast, and in so doing, betray themselves as fools. The prestige is an enemy of the feast, especially when it as overbearing and apocryphal as wine snobbery. Wine is made to be imbibed, not to be swirled, sniffed, and spit!

    A true feaster would have smitten these attitudinizers where they stood. Feasters do not tolerate the vinous haughtiness that plagues our towns and cities. Bourbon and scotch shall flow bountifully as we clink our lowballs and harrow the vineal egotists with our alpha charm and impervious aloofness. The slatterns among them will be enchanted by our hirsute chests and swaggering demeanor, and we shall feast on them as their foppish beaus quake meagerly in the corner. The feast shall see no abatement!

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  70. Beer makes both sexes fat and gives men breasts. Better that they drink wine. There are enough fat people out there, poor souls.

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  71. Although I think he’s vastly overrated, Woody Allen often completely obliterates yuppies in his earlier movies (80’s/70’s).

    SWPLers aren’t necessarily yuppies; SWPLers require the addition of the embrace of all things left wing and pc, but they can subtract having to live in cities (university towns and artist colonies do nicely).

    And SWPLers don’t have to dress well, which was a requirement of yuppies. A young SWPLer who lives in a city and dresses trashy has a name: hipster.

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  72. SWPLers aren’t necessarily yuppies</blockquote?

    SWPL-ers are the un-holy union of status-mongering yuppies and reflexively "progressive" hippies.

    it's really quite an ingenious demographic. SWPLs get to simultaneously bloviate about how evil and uncool upper-middle class white culture is, while at the same time congratulating themselves on being upper-middle class white people.

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  73. SWPLers aren’t necessarily yuppies

    SWPL-ers are the un-holy union of status-mongering yuppies and reflexively “progressive” hippies.

    it’s really quite an ingenious demographic. SWPLs get to simultaneously bloviate about how evil and uncool upper-middle class white culture is, while at the same time congratulating themselves on being upper-middle class white people.

    … this is not a good day for me and html tags

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  74. @gig
    “who hell is able to differentiate between grapes???”
    Seriously? I can tell the difference even when i have a cold. The type of wine grape used has an enormous impact on the taste of the wine – far more than the price tag. The names of the wine are primarily just subspecies of grapes. Forget the snobbery and just by some 2 buck chuck (i.e. Charles Shaw which literally costs $2 per bottle) of a couple different wines and drink them side by side and figure out which ones you like best. Once you can differentiate these then you can move up a bit in price.

    Wine grapes usually are better for wine ironically if the plant has been stressed somewhat and doesn’t yield a lot of large grapes. This, combined with idiot status-whore snobbery, is the reason why wine can get expensive – the main ingredient – the grapes become less efficient to make if you want to make a more distinctive wine. The thing is distinctive wines sometimes have flavors that some people like a lot and other people do not – it’s unpredictable. Since each batch of wine made tastes different, its an adventure. You usually have little idea what a wine is going to taste like when you buy it at the store and only look at the label. So you’re probably right to hate snobs on the east coast because I don’t see how you can tell the difference since you probably haven’t sampled it first.

    I’m going to go shave my legs for now and use a bidet.

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  75. SWPL need to go to Eastern Europe or join the Marines to get their effeminacy beaten out of them.

    Only America has these types of people.. I’ve never seen them anywhere else in the world.. Even the Scandinavians aren’t this bad.. It’s sad that modern society has caused people to be so pampered that people are one upping each other on whether they prefer Chateau Le Tour 1974 or Rothschild..

    It’s ok to drink wine on occasion, but you need to show you can pound some straight windshield washer fluid $3 a liter vodka as well. Toughens you up.

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  76. I prefer vintage Three Nuns or Balkan Sobranie 759.

    A “wonderful diversity of peoples” striving ever onward in celebration of a “Great Melting Pot” … always find entertainment is divining new ways to mark themselves superior.

    Quoting Sideways is pretentious. And Beta.

    fuck. even i just did it

    the movie (film?) has a wonderful, heartwarming ending sure to make a great date movie.

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  77. Clio:

    Beer makes both sexes fat and gives men breasts.

    Alcohol makes both sexes fat.

    Frequent or heavy alcohol use lowers testosterone.

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  78. Isn’t beer worse than other kinds of alcohol for feminizing men? I’ve heard that the “phyto-estrogens” in hops have such effects.

    As for alcohol in general making people fat – not really. I’m too lazy to look this up at the moment, but I’ve read repeatedly that calories in most forms of alcohol do not appear to have the same effects as other sugars and don’t seem to get converted into fat. BUT – and this is an important warning – heavy drinking tends to make you eat more through lack of inhibition, and prevent you from being able to lose weight if you’re too heavy. This has been observed, it seems, in studies in which people added two to three hundred calories a day, in the form of alcohol, to their diets. If you were to eat that much cake every day, you’d gain weight, no question. But alcohol (unmixed with fruit juice, cream, etc.) doesn’t seem to have the same effect.

    On the other hand, if you become an all-out alcoholic, chances are you’ll stop eating altogether. So the verdict is a mixed one.

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  79. It’s not so much about the calories as it is the metabolic changes alcohol induces in the body. For instance, alcohol makes the body less efficient at nutrient partitioning, so that when you DO eat, the way the body handles the food is altered. But I’m too lazy to look up the details right now.

    I do recommend red wine for the resveratrol though.

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  80. Good wine is good, price notwithstanding. Ya, there’s a certain complexity with the better stuff that can lend itself to massive blowhardedness in discussing it. Therefore, it’s better to have it for your own private decadence, and not share your thoughts with anyone else. The variety of wine is perhaps the single most interesting aspect…

    And Glenmoranghie is quite good.

    Finally, Ghurka shaggy is sublime enjoyment.

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  81. anonynerd:
    Obsidian–

    The answer to your query lies here:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism_of_small_differences

    if i told those SWPLs what i thought of their politics and general ideology, they would have a fainting spell because of the large difference in our worldviews.

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  82. Fainting spell…

    More accurate, they would act like they’re choking on a peanut, the surprised yet dismissive hack-gasp. It’s one of the three classic lib argument techniques, the “I’ve heard on Jon Stewart that people disagree with me, but that they’re so wrong, it’s self-evident to all around them that they’re basically urine soaked hobos with confederate flags tattooed on their foreheads, so how dare this perfectly normal person adopt a viewpoint so obviously and conclusively proven to be wrong when he fails to fit into my worldview of what someone who disagrees with me should be.”

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  83. Narcissism_of_small_differences

    Passing among SWPL’ers as one of them is a necessary part of being a functioning member of middle class society. It’s not about arguing over volunteering in Guatemala or backpacking in Thailand. It’s about social survival. There is a good word for it: Ketman.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketman

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  84. Pupu likes white wine, beer and vodka. They are all easy and refreshing.

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  85. I don’t like wine. It makes me fart. Really smelly farts too.

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  86. I had a friend that was a production manager for Kendall-Jackson. The difference in wines from country/region is this: US, Australian, New Zealand, Chilean/Argentinian, South African wineries all use very complicated technical/scientific controls to generate a very standard, “same” taste and quality (acid content, alcohol, minerals, etc.) bottle to bottle, and harvest to harvest. Old World wineries in France and Germany go by the seat of the pants of the very experienced wine-masters, who taste constantly and just “know” how to adjust. Increasingly, Spain and Italy are moving towards New World standards.

    Wine is meant to be drunk with food, what you are eating and the type of wine you drink will greatly enhance or diminish your enjoyment based on the taste receptors in your mouth (each person is different) and the pairings. There is no “wrong” way to pair them because everyone is different though most fall into broad categories of taste receptors (i.e. White wine tastes better with Fish than Reds). [Apologies to 007].

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  87. “this was a multi-layered post.”

    “it’s my neighbor’s party. i’m sitting on my balcony in blissful solitude. or was.”

    The final layer being “I lacked the social proof to neg them for being pretentious.”

    [editor: why would i neg people i don’t know and am not interested in picking up? in your desperation to score a zinger on yours truly you’ve lost all perspective, kweef.]

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  88. Whiskey’s right re: more uniform standards. Many of the French winemakers in particular do strive for a consistent taste also, which is why you’ll see the % of the Bordeaux grapes (Cab Sauv, Cab Franc, Merlot, Petit Verdot) vary from year to year for the same winemaker. They have to change the % to achieve a consistency from year to year. I’d argue there is more art to this method.

    That said, drink whatcha like, whether it be 2 buck Chuck, or a 1991 Joseph Phelps Insignia.

    Of course the latter is far more enjoyable with a good Ghurka stogie. Try one fellas. You won’t be disappointed.

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  89. You’re cut from the same cloth as these people. Only difference is that you have other subjects to pretentiously fag on about.

    You honestly seem like you need to get the TREE out of your ass and chill the fuck out.

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  90. Velvet jacket and a pipe? Hugh Hefner reincarnated, and he’s not even dead.

    I prefer beer, and my snobbery only extends as far as disliking the sour aftertaste of most American beers.

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  91. I hope that was bit of good ol’ flavor free Cavendish in a corn cob.

    For mine, sugar loaded Turkish coffee or port helps get over the nicotine overdose when you accidentally forget not to inhale.

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  92. Broadbent Malmsey with Haddo’s Delight or Laphroiag 15 year cask strength with Dunhill Nightcap (I stocked up before they killed that line of tobak)

    I like some expensive wine and I like some cheap wine. It depends on a lot of things.

    Joke about the pipe, but smoking it around campus was a way of meeting girls. Sure, 95% of the time it was “WTF is he smoking?”, but an opening is an opening, you know?

    I would recommend Lakeland style Aromatics for such a course of action.

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  93. on September 11, 2009 at 2:37 am msexceptiontotherule

    My WWJD? (what would jesus do) missionary in budapest cousin who speaks 7 languages fluently drinks wine. He asked me why I didn’t drink wine (the first time of many that he’d ask the same question) at my brother’s rehearsal dinner. So I told him I prefer hard liquor when I’m stuck spending time with the entire living family tree; I try to use a similar explanation with a twist each time since, just to let him know he’s irritating.

    The best is when he asks me where my relationship with God stands, and I tell him it’s personal and private, and between God and myself, so I’d thank him to not ask me any more personal questions like that in the future. Being a missionary, he asks that question a lot. The holidays are truly only happy when he’s in another country doing God’s work during them.

    I don’t like red wine because it’s served at room temperature, white wine isn’t good even when it’s only used for cooking something with it, and blush makes me want to hurl. Champagne has a taste that strangely reminds me of dirt.

    I like rum, which is good, because there are a lot of girly drinks that are made with rum. And girly drinks are tasty, you can also use the little umbrellas as mini-weapons-of-idiot-deterrance.

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  94. “why would i neg people i don’t know and am not interested in picking up? ”

    You must be new here.

    [editor: worst comeback ever.]

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  95. on September 11, 2009 at 2:02 pm Martian Bachelor

    Don’t ask me why, but I’ve always pictured Roissy as having a bottle of Marilyn Merlot prominently displayed somewhere in his digs.

    Of course it’s for effect only and not for effing drinking.

    Of all the various types of beverage snobs — wine, beer, “spirits”, coffee — the former seem to universally have the worst reputation for some reason but in my experience it’s almost entirely undeserved.

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  96. Yeah, wine snobs. Sniffing the cork. Swirling it around. A bit ostentatious, dontcha know. Drinking bourbon or that expensive, smokey crap from Europe (there is a benefit though because ordering single malt does let the observer know you’re refined and can afford the finer things, old boy) tends to be understated. Yes, Evan Williams on the rocks in a glass for me. Civilized. American. Male.

    Not to say that there isn’t a time and place, let alone tastebud, for beer (Dale’s Pale Ale is a surprising IPA find), wine (St. Emillion when someone else is buying), or booze (Grand Marnier 150 year).

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  97. Martian Bachelor

    Don’t ask me why, but I’ve always pictured Roissy as having a bottle of Marilyn Merlot prominently displayed somewhere in his digs.

    Of course it’s for effect only and not for effing drinking.

    Humor is risky – and increasingly arbitrary – in today’s milieu of atavistic education.

    Rare are the few who “get” sophisticated jokes. To many, it’s merely complicated, thus unworthy of any thought, when the next Will Farrel comedy awaits on NetFlix.

    It’s explaining George Bernard Shaw to cannibals. They’ll raise an eyebrow, then eat you.

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  98. What made the line “I’m not drinking any fucking Merlot!” funny was that there is nothing wrong with Merlot. What made it even funnier was that Merlot sales tanked after that movie in spite of it.

    “Sideways” is one of the SWPL bible films, where countless of them were relieved because they finally learned the right way to behave at a wine tasting. I still love the movie though. I like alpha Jack’s mentoring through example to get sad-sack Miles laid. I’ve seen this phenomenon in real life, where a less-intelligent alpha will be good/best friends and hang out with a more intelligent beta for whatever reason.

    I’m no alcoholic, but I like all varieties of drinks. I have no problem switching off between Shiner or Bourdeaux or Scotch or martini or Dr. Pepper (though not in the same night). But there are far more bad beers than there are bad wines.

    Wine is for grownups, which explains why so many here don’t get it. Try again once you’re over thirty.

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  99. Merlot tastes like cough syrup.

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