This is where the majority of guys stumble during the pickup. The first impression is made within seconds, on the walk over to the girl, before one word is spoken. The way a guy carries himself, moves his body, his hands and arms, positions his feet, stands, maintains eye contact, and interacts non-verbally with girls is half his game. You can spit the words of Voltaire, but if your body is incongruent with what you’re saying, you will get blown out.
Some of the common beta body language mistakes I see guys making:
- Walking over to the girl too quickly
When a guy sees a cute chick he gets excited. His adrenaline pumps and his heart races as he thinks about how best to approach her. This inner turmoil reveals itself in his physical composure. He marches toward her too fast, propelled by his unspoken insecurity to get the job over with as soon as possible. Fast walkers are unattractive. Focus on your walking speed. Stroll over like a pimp taking his time to admire the other girls in the room along the way.
- Doing everything too fast
Related to the above, guys tend to gesticulate too rapidly when they get nervous, reflexively jerking around their hands, arms, and head. Be aware of this and deliberately slow down all your movements. Take an extra two seconds to reach for a beer. Move around her in languid, measured rhythms. When she is speaking, slowly cock your head to the side. The key thing is to avoid any sudden movements. That betrays anxiety. It helps to imagine your life is a movie in slo-mo.
- Being too stiff
The opposite of the above is when a guy stiffens up from nerves. Don’t be a totem pole. Move your arms around, swivel your body, make hand gestures while telling a story. Watch Marlon Brando in The Godfather. Just do it all slowly.
- Closed body language
Guys who are confident that nothing in life can touch them have very open and smooth body language. Nervous guys who are always afraid of fights, of being sucker punched, of conflict, will defensively scrunch up their body as if they were psychologically warding off blows. Guys who fear nothing open their arms, expose their chests, and generally project the look of someone who never worries about being caught off-guard. In that vein, avoid shoving your hands in your pockets, crossing your arms, standing with a narrow stance, looking around the room with darting eyes, slouching, or grabbing one forearm with your hand.
- Holding drinks too high
Very common. Don’t do it. Look at old James Bond films. Sean Connery holds his tumbler down by his waist, not up by his nipples.
- Adjusting himself
Any primping should be done at home before going out. Don’t tug at your cuffs, flatten your hair, pick at your fingernails, swipe at your nose, rub your eyes, brush off imaginary lint, or hoist your pants. A relaxed alpha male does not primp in the field.
- Leaning in (pecking)
Another common mistake. Nearly every guy does this when starting out. It’s called pecking because the motion of jerking your head and body forward to listen with rapt attention to what a girl is saying looks like a chicken pecking at seed. She is not so important that you need to lean in to catch every precious word. Lean back with your whole body and let her lean into you. If she has something to say she’ll move in so you can hear it. The act of bending to your will fires up her loins. The one exception is in very noisy venues where you have to lean in if she is a soft talker. It’s OK to do this as long as you lean in SLOWLY and lean back during pauses.
- Weak eye contact
Hold it slightly longer than you feel comfortable doing. Dominating another guy with steady eye contact can lead to a fight. Dominating a girl with eye contact can lead to sex. Remember, girls WANT to feel dominated. It turns them on. And making sure she breaks eye contact first is a great way to demonstrate dominance.
- High pitched, incessant fast talking
A guy who is seeking approval will talk fast, hoping to finish his point before people become bored with what he’s saying. His tone of voice will rise as sentences are completed. A guy who is confident that everyone will listen intently to his brilliance will talk slowly in a low or neutral pitch and pause frequently. Pausing is an extremely powerful method of subcommunicating dominance. Think about a really effective professor or manager. They begin speaking… PAUSE to build anticipation… make their point… PAUSE to let it sink in… conclude… PAUSE again… for effect. The words don’t matter as much as how you say them.
- Beta body positioning
After the approach, guys usually remain standing at the point they first entered the group to introduce themselves. This spot is often on the outside of the social circle, back to the crowd, looking in at his target. That is a weak position. You want to move to the power position as quickly as possible. The power position is center of the group, back to the wall or the bar, facing the room as if you were a king surveying your kingdom and your subjects were gathered round to entertain you. A trick for maneuvering to the power position is to take a girl’s hand, lift it up so she reacts by doing a spin move, and spinning her away from the bar. You then steal her spot or chair. You can even call attention to your bold move: “Oh man, I just stole your seat!”
- Poor stance
If you are standing, keep your feet apart close to the width of your shoulders. An alpha monopolizes space. One foot should point forward and the other should point outward about 45 degrees. Thrust your pelvis out slightly.
- Poor sitting
If you are sitting, don’t cross your legs. You’re not an old man. Spread them out as if you were naked and you wanted the whole world to behold your breathtaking package.
- Showing his palms too frequently
This non-verbal faux pas is a little arcane, but subconsciously girls notice it. Turning your hands up is a sign of submission. In the beginning, when you are building attraction by demonstrating your alphaness you should keep your palms down or turned inward. Emphasize points by raising and lowering your hand, palm down. If you look at video clips of presidential candidates on the stump you will see that the force of their speaking is intensified by strong hand movements. Bill Clinton often addressed the crowd with his palm in, fingers curled into a fist, and thumb pointing out like a gun. Later, during the comfort stage of the pickup after she is attracted, you can show your palm to display vulnerability.
- Forgetting to touch the girl
This one is huge. Probably the number one alpha trait is comfort with touching other people. A guy totally gives away his betatude if he is uncomfortable touching girls. Touching should start immediately, literally within two seconds of the approach. During your introduction, lightly touch your target and the potential cockblock on the elbows simutaneously. Start inoffensively, like on the forearms or shoulders, then gradually move to touching more erogenous zones, like the upper back, upper arm, or thigh. Avoid accidentally touching the bra strap, the hair, or the face too soon, as these spots will fire off an instant recoil reaction in a girl who isn’t yet attracted to you. When you talk in her ear take advantage of the moment to graze her cheek with yours. The small of the lower back is a highly charged zone, so move your hand down her back as the pickup progresses. Wrap your arms around her waist when you want to move her to another location in the bar. Anytime you say something funny, anchor it with your touch. When I have a good pickup my hands RARELY break contact with my target.
- Not smiling or smiling at the wrong times
Yep, pretty basic. Always smile on the approach. Just don’t overdo it. Drop the smile after your introduction. Smiling and laughing works best in measured doses. NEVER laugh at your own jokes. Don’t laugh everytime she says something funny. Your attitude should be “Oh she said something adorable again. How cute!”, not “HA HA this girl is the funniest! She is SO cool! She is the best!” Alternating your smiling with smirking, frowning, and a straight face is the winning formula.
- Animated facial gesturing
In the early stages of the pickup when you are bringing higher energy than your target in order to get attraction it’s acceptable to accentuate your stories with facial gestures. Later on, though, you want to avoid these histrionics. Constantly raising your eyebrows, nodding your head, widening your eyes, smiling broadly, or twisting your mouth into funny shapes indicates an approval seeking mentality. You are not an approval seeker, you are an approval giver.
- Moving out of the way to accommodate others
Hold your ground. When a guy needs to pass by, make him move around you. You don’t want to be that guy who’s always stepping out of the way to avoid getting jostled by the crowd. When a girl reaches for her drink, make her go over or around you.
- Facing the girl directly
Don’t face your target directly until after she has qualified herself to you. She does not deserve your full attention when you first meet her. Keep your body angled slightly away from her. Later, when she has earned your interest, turn to face her completely. This is the signal to move into rapport. Note: If you are running direct game you will face her right away.
Go forth, and lubricate vaginas with the power of your presence.