Common Beta Male Body Language Mistakes

I see this a lot in clubs and bars where noise is a problem, but also in quieter venues where the only problem is the beta male doing it wrong.

The horrible combination sideways lean-in + side-of-mouth talking + craning neck. It’s the beta male body language trifailure.

Half of game is knowing what not to do. This ludicrous, enfeebling posture may tickle Manboobz Fatrelle’s porcine labia, but it’ll turn off any woman who is the recipient of it. If you wonder why this behavior is beta, you have to see it in action. Seeing is believing. But the theoretical explanation goes like this: Awkwardly leaning in to speak to an indifferent or distracted woman subcommunicates a frantic need for her attention, which is value lowering, and girls prefer their men enthroned at a higher social value plateau than themselves. Leaning in sideways adds the element of cowardice: Now he is trying to get her attention without putting too much of himself on the line. Leaning in sideways while craning the neck and talking out of the corner of one’s mouth is exponentially beta. Pained tentativeness and neediness distress cues are the opposite of alpha male could-give-a-fuck.

So what do you do instead if you find yourself standing like this next to an oblivious girl? If she can hear you from where you’re standing, all it takes to get her attention is a pivot of the head so that you’re looking at her (and preferably down at her) through one eye. Keep your body facing forward. She hasn’t yet earned your full nonverbal engagement. If she reciprocates, you may turn more towards her to continue the foreplay conversation.

If the scene is loud and she won’t hear you from way up there, you’ll have to engage more forcefully. This means boldness in action. If you must make your verbal intentions known over ambient noise, then do it with pride of purpose. Turn to face her so that you obstruct most of her view and she can’t mistake your solicitation for the mumbles of a passing derelict. Penetrate her earspace with a diaphragm-expulsed vocal timbre so that you don’t have to bend at the waist too far. The truly overconfident cads may want to bend over until their lips are practically brushing the maiden’s cochlea and speak straight into the hamster ear trumpet.

Excessive venue noise unfortunately does not allow much leeway for indirect, uncommitted body language openers, but that could be a good thing for a lot of men, who from the sight of them treat women like they’re museum artworks protected by lines of tape on the floor that one crosses under penalty of castration.





Comments


  1. Damn, and all that time Sheryl Sandburg was telling me to lean in.

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  2. […] Common Beta Male Body Language Mistakes […]

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  3. Agree about not leaning in. Let them strain to catch your pearls of wisdom. However, the only times I’ve done this is if the music is too loud, in which case I lean in as if I’m about to start licking her neck, which creates instant intimacy.

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    • I actually enjoy going out on dates and TALKING with women, and so I have to lean in just to hear what they’re saying. Outdoor cafes and cookouts and picnics [with booze] are so much better for guys like me with extremely sensitive hearing.

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      • BTW, refusing to lean in is a form of Scarcity Game, playing hard-to-get, forcing her to lean in towards you because YOU are the prize, NOT she. And she will always want what she [perceives that she] can’t have.

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      • Scarcity Game is tough, though – you have got to hold frame. In fact, for many “Nice Guys” [accustomed to always finishing dead last], just the holding of the frame will be a form of “Fake It Till You Make It” which will eventually start to change their personalities.

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      • And the best way to hold frame is to learn to NOT CARE! The primary reason that Nice Guys lose Frame [and start to lean in] is because they still care.

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      • are so much better for guys like me with extremely sensitive hearing.

        I can’t hear worth a dern when it’s loud, so I just have to remember that body language is 90% of communication and it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway, and to just pretend I do hear them.

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      • on September 4, 2014 at 7:18 pm The Spirit Within

        I actually enjoy going out on dates and TALKING with women

        No, Zombie, you just enjoy talking to yourself.

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      • TJW, I have been watching all of these vintage TV clips for the last day, and I can’t see a dime’s worth of difference between the whiny foul-mouthed horse-faced routine which Joan Rivers was peddling in the 1960s and 70s, and the EXACT same routine which Sarah Silverman would be peddling 30 years later.

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      • PINING FOR TRUE ALPHA: Joan Rivers betrayed the True Alpha Johnny Carson, and he NEVER spoke to her again: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/joan-rivers-why-johnny-carson-398088

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      • What Scott Walker should have said to Horsey Wassermann Schultz: “Well now I’ll win the 50-Shades-of-Grey vote; that’ll put me over the top in a landslide!” http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/09/03/house-dem-accuses-gop-gov-scott-walker-of-grabbing-women-by-the-hair-and-pulling-us-back/

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      • Johnny Carson’s Practical Joke on Joan Rivers – Margaret Thatcher Impressionist (about 1983) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BainzD2lKmk

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      • I think that Johnny and Joan were probably lovers. And if not, then you know that Joan must have spent her entire life being haunted by the obsession for landing that big hard True Alpha cock between her legs.

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      • But that essay which Joan wrote – trying to figure out why Johnny would never speak to her again – is either an outstanding example of a Jewess trying to turn lemons into lemonade by lying and falsely attributing motivations to Carson…

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      • …or else it’s a fascinating glimpse into the neurotic insanity which lies deep within the tortured mind of a professional jewess.

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      • Or she’s right on the money with her analysis. Which is entirely possible.

        [CH: possible. but not probable.]

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    • Agree but with a twist… motion her to come closer, turn your head away from her and point to your ear. Now she will be coming into your space and whispering in your ear. Perfect to put your free hand on her arm or waist.

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    • “pearls of wisdom” – haha, ego maniac alert

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  4. Some interesting stuff here about language usage, e.g., high status people use “I” less than low status people in conversation http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/09/01/344043763/our-use-of-little-words-can-uh-reveal-hidden-interests

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    • on September 4, 2014 at 2:34 pm The Spirit Within

      Third person case is the way men communicate.

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    • Because women talk about themselves all the time, and low-status men resemble women.

      The only real reason to talk about yourself is for providing examples or for comparison purposes with something else.

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      • man I was just thinking about this the other day….chicks talking non stop about themselves, god it’s annoying as hell….10x worse when some dude is doing it, at least be a hot chick if you’re boring me to tears…

        one thing I can’t stand man is when a dude fucking talks about himself non stop…like what he does, what he had, what he has, what someone said about him, what fucking 40 yard dash time he ran in highschool 29 years ago. 1 thing I’m staunchly opposed to is qualifying. Don’t fucking qualify yourself to anyone ever bros…that shit is weak as hell. Take it a step further, never qualify yourself and never explain yourself.

        You know fucking low value when you hear “Man back in the day I used to….”
        Always midlife married suburb guys too.

        Second to these fucking qualifying has-been losers are effeminate manbooblets explaining and rationalizing every goddamn thing they think and feel. Lefty hipster libtards are the worst with this too…always explaining their “feeeeeeelings” on something or rationalizing every tiny detail of their stance on the matter. Liberal and femininity are damn near synonymous so it should be no surprise lib men come off like they’re dripping in estrogen. Rationalization hamster, feeeeelings, moral posturing, SJW, strawman tactics, shaming

        An easy one for guys who have trouble with the “life of the party” persona, maybe weaker on charisma, to start your red pill dosing…..shut the hell up. Crack some jokes, smart off maybe..but leave out the dumb shit. When you open a set or start a convo, don’t ask a million questions, explain why you did or said certain things, and certainly don’t talk about yourself so much…you’ll exponentially improve your chances.

        For adapting to LTR game, never explain yourself…you don’t answer to anyone. You’re Joe Alpha and you automatically make sound judgements, you are proud as hell who you are and why you do what you do…why would you need to explain HOW you feel a certain way or said that thing you said 10 years ago to some nagging wife?!

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    • don’t fall for the conditioning set forth here.

      I is the only frame of reference..

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      • Typical Tilikum whining. Note that he is too lazy to read the article. He just wants to beat his weak chest a little. He’s all about “me me me me!” so he took this as a personal insult.

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      • Underbiter, it IS possible to surpass the social norms of a beta society and lead a different kind of existence 😉 generally it doesn’t involve a bunch of tl;dr comments full of 5 paragraph missives demonstrating a lack of capacity to think in the abstract.

        but you just stay in that gym of yours sniffin all the T around ya, and I’ll keep pointing out your tedium for the newbies who want to learn.

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    • on September 4, 2014 at 3:36 pm midnight toker

      many people use “I” statements in order to be less confrontational and to elicit a more positive response from the listener. it can represent lower status but not always. it depends on the motivation of the speaker and the context.

      for example, saying… i feel this or i think that is less likely to put someone on the defensive than if you said, you did this or you did that.

      generally women probably do this more often than men but it’s something that non-confrontational people do in general no matter what status level they have. as well as a strategy used by mediators and professional communicators.

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      • All good points Toker.

        It definitely depends on the context. People being led by their egos use “I” because they wanna make every interaction/discussion about themselves; but interestingly, white people retard this behavior when discussing race; THEN they start speaking for OTHER white people, or my personal favorite, their ancestors.

        Forcing a white person (especially a liberal one) to answer for themselves when discussing race is something nonwhite people often forget to do.

        This is why they are in the position they are in today.

        I know cause Im one of em.

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  5. I “lean in” left. lolz

    Seriously, I just approach until a woman wants to dance with me. The other night starting out I got eight rejections in a row from SMV 4-6’s in less than a minute and the ninth was a hottie who wanted to dance with me.

    I don’t understand this beta crap. Just go talk or dance. If they don’t want attention, move the fakk on.

    ABA

    Yesterday in a day game scenario I approached a park ranger for assistance. She was a cute mid-20s blonde. Anyway, at some point I decided to game her a little for fun, to practice my skills, and to brighten her day. So when I made that decision, I smiled an Amused Mastery ™ smile at her while we were walking and she was facing away, pretending not to watch me. Facing away was kind of a b1tch-shield. She immediately smiled back, still not facing me. Looked like a 5h1t-test kind of smile. “Hey, buddy, let’s see what you got.”

    So we walked to the dry drinking fountain, she fiddled with it, then called it in to maintenance. So I was heading back to continue my walk around the lake and she was walking with me. She offered me a bottle of water from her car, which she said was warm, then immediately offered a cold lemonade instead. I figured that she really wanted the lemonade, it being cold, so I accepted the water. I also stopped walking and turned to face her, and she followed suit. I said that it was very nice of her to offer the lemonade and she smiled big. It was a bit of deep rapport.

    We walked to her car and she reached in to get the bottle of water. I moved a couple of feet to get a better look at her seat. She was surprised to find that I had moved and figured out why. She brushed her hair back over her ear and smiled as she gave me the bottle of water. The ranger started talking a bit fast and nervously as I edged away. I thanked her and said good-bye.

    She was decent to me and I to her; it was mostly platonic with just a little flirtation. She gave me a bottle of water and I gave her my attention, tingles, comfort, deep rapport, and validation.

    The water was warm and refreshing, as was the encounter with the ranger. I expect that she enjoyed the encounter as least as much as I did.

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    • That’s a great story, and something game deniers don’t understand. Game can have tremendous benefit even if you don’t get laid. That woman will remember you always, and your day was way more entertaining as a result.

      In a similar situation, I messed with a waitress a bit in this fashion. I negged her a bit about taking my order last at the table. Then during the 2nd round order noticed as she started to walk away that she had a tattoo on her wrist. I grabbed her wrist, and turned her hand over as I read it. It read “Life is beautiful,” so I looked into her eyes with the best “I’d bang the crap out of you” smirk I could muster and said, “It is, isn’t it?” Gina tingles for the win. A chode at the table though it was stupid, but when you have enough balls to take action like that, you earn the gift of certainty you clearly see in a girl’s eyes in that moment that what you did wasn’t stupid in the slightest.

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      • Bingo…I always endeavor to be that senseless act of beauty that one reads about on the bumper stickers.

        But seriously, yeah that sort of thing is recommended, just have balls, take action, tell her she’s gorgeous with no expectation and then walk off. That sort of random thing when you are the ray of sunshine in her shitty life. Tell her she has nice shoes or hair, women dig that crap.

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    • Should have taken the lemonade then sipped on it with a smile on your face as you leaned against her vehicle and relaxed so she could watch, maybe even entertain you a bit. Sounds like she was yours. Never refuse an offer for her to provide you something unless you’re allergic to it.

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      • Well. Some listen to the advice about always showing yourself as the cool alpha and run with that alone. Forum threads become a contest in who can neg the women the most. The least caring wins the thread. Even smiling at a woman becomes too beta: “Give her nothing!”

        By that logic, for maximum effect you should never approach any woman. “Let them come to you, and if not, it’s their loss.” There was even a guy who wrote that the best way to catch women was to take a shower and then go out and ignore them all. Bravo … won the coolness contest, right?

        Real life is different. If I hear a guy say he never buys a woman so much as a cup of coffee, I know it’s bull, or he never goes on dates. Simple convenience requires that you buy her a coffee sometimes if you’re standing in line at a café, so you don’t have to stand there for the time it takes for two people to order and pay separately. We talk about not trying to win a girl over too much. That doesn’t include small things that you do person to person no matter if it’s a date or not.

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      • Yeah. I think a few beginners need a giant hard alpha “fake-it-till-you make it” shocking slap in the face on how to be a man, so it may jumpstart some, but real world is different for anything other than temporary flings. When you have had your share of women, you start realizing they can be a massive pain in the ass no matter how alpha you are, and some are to be completely avoided. Hot attention whores bug the shit out of me once the sexual conquest wears off. You can try the hard alpha “shut the fuck up, bitch” routine, but then you’re just keeping them in line for the trophy on your arm. I’ve learned I like the sexy librarian feminine type – it gives my mind zen-like peace to never have to think “shut the fuck up.”

        As far as gifts, they will buy you more than you buy them, but yeah, you still buy them stuff, usually stuff that shows you listened to them or reminds them of some time you had together or some joke you shared – e.g. that you put thought into it. If you add a story of how you came to acquire it to it, it’s like a diamond necklace, even if it’s inexpensive.

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      • I’ve learned I like the sexy librarian feminine type – Just a normal girl who is also attractive, I think you mean. Yes, in the long run this is best.

        Furthermore, I have found that many such girls can be very adventurous in bed. I know some say that “crazy girls are crazy in bed”, but I have slept with crazy girls who were just trouble in bed, rejecting any “demands”. Who will be good in bed is not always something you can tell from how they act otherwise. There was a girl who was like a sweet angel in public, who got totally hooked on being dominated in bed when we were together.

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      • Vows, dude. I’m married. I game the donut lady, too, for free donuts. Day game is a take-it-slow context anyway. I expect to see the ranger again sometime. Did you spot how I sexualized the encounter? There were two instances.

        Did you like the way I took down the b1tch-shield? What was my DHV in this encounter?

        You can’t say anything definite from this encounter. The most is that it builds towards future possibilities.

        She will remember me for a little bit. The deep rapport will help keep the memory and fond feeling alive. DHV will be required again. I may be able to refresh her memory, but she might have a b1tch shield up then that will have to be taken down.

        I understand about b1tch shields. I get hit on enough that I have my own shield up a lot.

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      • I’m not sure if you’re saying you’re married and game but don’t touch or you take it slow or what. Anyway, just saying if a girl offers you something nice, take it if you’re into it and her and let her watch you enjoy it. It’s a fat pitch.

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      • Oh, now I understand your point. Yeah, I could have gone that route. Instead I went the deep rapport route. Since I didn’t accept her generous offer but acknowledged it, she’ll remember me a bit longer, I think. The water was actually perfect for me. I didn’t think about enjoying it in front of her. Probably better to break rapport sooner. Gives her hamster something to chew on–why I didn’t follow up. Just a bit o’ fahnnn.

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  6. I’m an Old Man, and excessive venue noise is a BIG problem for me. My game has ALWAYS been based on the stuff that comes out of my mouth. I don’t see how ANYBODY gets ANYWHERE in clubs these days.

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  7. Good tips! Thanks, CH.

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  8. Haha whos the Wild Man?

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  9. Beta males must really be stupid. Why the hell would they go to bars/clubs to pay for expensive drinks, tolerate the noise, and not hit on chics. Just throw a get together at your own place or go to a friend’s party. It really is that easy. And if a person feels too old for parties, maybe they’re too old for the club scene.

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    • Also, day game tactics seem to work fine in my recommended scenarios. Don’t really care for club-type chics anyway. Understand, this is from MY experience.

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    • Clubs suck, unless you’re going with a group you know beforehand. Bars and other such more intimate locations are better, because women there are more up to chatting with strangers. House parties are, of course, preferred, but that requires getting to know a few people who are up to inviting you to one.

      And of course, get cheap drinks. Most bars have a daily discount for something, so get that if you like it. Or go to their happy hour. Otherwise, a well mixture (whiskey-Coke, screwdriver, etc.) generally doesn’t cost very much, in many cases even less than a Bud Light, and IMO tastes considerably better.

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      • on September 4, 2014 at 4:00 pm AryanAbduction

        If you both must drink and are a frugal jew, just carry your own flask of decent mid-range boubon. Cheap well drinks are an affront to GOD

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      • Clubs are great…I used to make out with a new chick every week in da club. Everyone knew who I was, I was constantly in VIP, I wore crazy shit that got compliments even from dudes.

        Mine was a reef hunter’s game tho…sit at the VIP lounge bar and wait for someone promising to come up beside me. Or stand by the door and wait until some hot chick was being denied entry and tell the bouncer, yeah I know her. I used to go grab chicks for one of the owners.

        Chasing women requires too much energy; ain’t ever really had that. And the dude who said women are a PITA- hell yea they are.

        You can do well in da club if you adjust your tactics. You can get away with being outrageous in a lot of respects in da club. If that suits your personality, then go for it. Bars are where I would take a chick on an arranged thing. To just pick up, go to da club…one time I just stood in the center of the dance floor with my arms folded, beat up reeboks, a pair of jeans, an Aero shirt and fuckin sunglasses. The literally hottest chick in t